REVIEWS: "Return to Neverland"

[Anthonynotes]

Well, the reviews for Disney's latest strip-mining-of-its-past effort are in...and they seem to give an unexcited passing grade.

Roger Ebert's review:
http://www.suntimes.com/output/ebert...-never15f.html

And Variety's review:
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/2002...verland_1.html

SPOILER:












Per that film's description in those reviews, how Hook's ship *could* get past British anti-aircraft guns/any planes flying overhead (either of which should've blown something like his ship out of the sky, quite frankly...but I guess this isn't supposed to be "Victory Through Tinker Bell Power" or something....).
I mean, (fanboyish ramblings begin) in a few issues of "All Star Squadron" I have, British anti-aircraft start getting trigger-happy and start blasting away unsuccessfully at Superman flying over the London skies....of course, Superman couldn't go into Axis territory since he'd have turned under Nazi sway thanks to a spell Hitler cast over all Axis territories using the "Spear of Destiny", but--- (someone slaps him) Huh? Oh, yeah, right...erm, anyway, I'd figure Hook would be English Channel bait...get it? "Hook"? "Bait"? Oh, geez, I'm funny.... (gets slapped again) OK, OK...hmph...

-B.

[Sharklady]

> This movie is more of a Saturday afternoon stop for the kiddies--harmless, skillful and aimed at grade schoolers. <

I have no objection to that. Durn, there ought to be a *few* movies around that parents can take their younger kids to.

[Dee]

lol that's what Britney Spears' 'Crossroads' will be for. Nothing but a bunch of screaming little girls goin to see THAT film.

I saw the previews for this disney sequel-- and if memory serves me, didn't the croc eat Hook or something? I haven't seen the real (original) one in forever--- but it would seem to me that something would have taken care of Captain Hook.

im starting to look forward to Ice Age. I like CG films a lot and theyre all different. I liked Antz for reasons that it wasn't an in-your-face disney film (Bless Pixar, I love em to death but it's disney that's a factor of overkill--- just IM me about my little sister's obsession with Flik and Dave Foley)

It's good to see an array of films. A Peter Pan sequel though--- is gonna remain just for the kiddies (and die hard fans i guess lol). I saw the trailer in theaters and was like "Oh what are they doing NOW??"

lol. Atleast disney does sequels. I'd hate to see james Cameron's TITANIC 2 lol (no there is no sequel in the making--- for those who'd actually believe it).

[Anthonynotes]

Originally posted by Delia97
lol. Atleast disney does sequels. I'd hate to see james Cameron's TITANIC 2 lol (no there is no sequel in the making--- for those who'd actually believe it).

Well, I *did* write this in that fanfic "Lethal Intellect" (where I parodied James Cameron):
>>[Cut to the executive-guy’s office, which is finally better-lit this time. We see that his office walls are adorned with posters advertising such films as "The Abysmal", "Illegal Aliens", and so forth....we see at his desk that his back is still turned to us, but not for long...we see him finally swivel around, to reveal that this figure is a caricature of director James Cameron. The figure grips a small statue of a Verminator on his desk, and grips it tightly, before it finally breaks in two. A nameplate is finally seen as well for this caricature: "Jim Macaroon"]

MACAROON: GAAAH! Those fools *survived*! (Rubs the sides of his head) I need to relax----(yells off-screen) enter, my loyal subjects!

[We see rush into the room are several minions dressed like medieval palace aides; they swarm the director with a royal robe, crown, and a cup of coffee...]

MINION: Anything else you need, sire?

MACAROON: Yes....the Brain to cease production of his film!

MINION #2: Is there a particular reason why, sire?

MACAROON: Of course! One reason, two words: "Verminator 3"!

[He points to a poster reading "Coming Soon: Verminator 3: The Killfest Continues!", with a picture of a Verminator wielding big honkin’ guns]

MACAROON: I’ve spent *years* working on trying to bring "V3" to fruition, and I’m not about to have my thunder stolen by someone about to release what could be the biggest cinematic action-filled hit since....

MINION: Your movie about the big sinking boat?

MACAROON: Indeed... (Points to another poster, reading "LUSITANIA"; a subcaption reads "Passion and drama amongst the German U-Boats!" The lead actor shown appears to look as if he hasn’t quite finished puberty yet; he looks a bit like the squeaky-voiced teenager on the "Simpsons"...) "Lusitania" brought in enough money to buy out China---but it won’t be surpassed or matched by the likes of "Lethal Intellect". That is, not as long as I still have that ace up my sleeve....
<<<

And of course, its impending sequel, "Valdez: Just when you thought it was safe for wildlife to go back in the Alaskan water!" ;-)

-B.

[Sharklady]

> I saw the previews for this disney sequel-- and if memory serves me, didn't the croc eat Hook or something? <

Hook got et up by the crocodile in the original book. In the Disney movie, Hook just got chased offscreen w/ the croc close behind. Disney adaptions of classic stories generally involve reduced body counts (tho I've noticed one exception; 'Beauty and the Beast'.)

[Nftnat]

Originally posted by Brainatra


Well, I *did* write this in that fanfic "Lethal Intellect" (where I parodied James Cameron):
>>[Cut to the executive-guy’s office, which is finally better-lit this time. We see that his office walls are adorned with posters advertising such films as "The Abysmal", "Illegal Aliens", and so forth....we see at his desk that his back is still turned to us, but not for long...we see him finally swivel around, to reveal that this figure is a caricature of director James Cameron. The figure grips a small statue of a Verminator on his desk, and grips it tightly, before it finally breaks in two. A nameplate is finally seen as well for this caricature: "Jim Macaroon"]

MACAROON: GAAAH! Those fools *survived*! (Rubs the sides of his head) I need to relax----(yells off-screen) enter, my loyal subjects!

[We see rush into the room are several minions dressed like medieval palace aides; they swarm the director with a royal robe, crown, and a cup of coffee...]

MINION: Anything else you need, sire?

MACAROON: Yes....the Brain to cease production of his film!

MINION #2: Is there a particular reason why, sire?

MACAROON: Of course! One reason, two words: "Verminator 3"!

[He points to a poster reading "Coming Soon: Verminator 3: The Killfest Continues!", with a picture of a Verminator wielding big honkin’ guns]

MACAROON: I’ve spent *years* working on trying to bring "V3" to fruition, and I’m not about to have my thunder stolen by someone about to release what could be the biggest cinematic action-filled hit since....

MINION: Your movie about the big sinking boat?

MACAROON: Indeed... (Points to another poster, reading "LUSITANIA"; a subcaption reads "Passion and drama amongst the German U-Boats!" The lead actor shown appears to look as if he hasn’t quite finished puberty yet; he looks a bit like the squeaky-voiced teenager on the "Simpsons"...) "Lusitania" brought in enough money to buy out China---but it won’t be surpassed or matched by the likes of "Lethal Intellect". That is, not as long as I still have that ace up my sleeve....
<<<

And of course, its impending sequel, "Valdez: Just when you thought it was safe for wildlife to go back in the Alaskan water!" ;-)

-B.

I was 16 @ the time of the Valdez, so I have clear memories of it. But even so, when I saw that ad, the first thing I though of was coffee. Best not let Wakko or Craig get near it, eh?

And after being reminded of that scene in Macaroon's office, I have come to one single, inescapable conclusion: Lethal Intellect must be continued! Now if only I could figure out how...

[RockItShipper]

I went to see it Saturday with my aunt, little sis and 2 little cousins... My biggest problem was that the Hook angle wasn't too well-thought out.

Spoiler:

If Jane knows Peter Pan- belief or not, shouldn't she also know about Captain Hook and that he's NOT TO BE TRUSTED? I would've gone more along the lines of having both of Wendy's children going to Neverland, and Jane going to challenge Hook solo to prove herself as the first Lost Girl. And maybe a parallel case in Tiger Lily wanting to show she too can be an "Indian Brave"?

[Danielle]

I was kinda.......disturbed by the World War II prospect. I mean, okkay, it's good that we should let kids know the truth, that something like that really happened...but...aw, geez, a girl having more responsiblity than her *mother*?

I actually don't know why I found that disturbing. I just...did. {shrugs}

I also didn't like how Tinkerbell came back to life. I mean, that cliche (you know... "Oh no, she's dead! Maybe if I'll cry, she'll come back to life! Yeah, that's it! She'll come back to life!" ) is OLD!! At least in the Lion King, you showed that people (and animals) do occasionally die, and there is nothing you can do about it. Nope; crying's not gonna help.

So when these kid's grandparents are on their deathbeds, the kids will cry. Why? Because they think if they cry enough, or if they become truly sad, they'll come back to life again!

My opinion. Trash it all you want.

[Nftnat]

Originally posted by Danielle
I was kinda.......disturbed by the World War II prospect. I mean, okkay, it's good that we should let kids know the truth, that something like that really happened...but...aw, geez, a girl having more responsiblity than her *mother*?

I actually don't know why I found that disturbing. I just...did. {shrugs}

...and your point is? I mean, look around, kids having more responsibility than their parents? Where've ya been? From 90210 to Dawson's Creek to Rugrats & Hey Arnold! to Zits to practically anywhere else you look, the prevailing pov of the dominant media culture & entertainment complex (how many right-wing buzzwords can I fit into one post) is that teenagers & young adults are more knowledgeable, wiser, more mature, & generally have it all over their parents in every way. Do I like it? I could guarantee you would like it more --- you'd have to compared to my opinion --- but that's the way it is.


I also didn't like how Tinkerbell came back to life. I mean, that cliche (you know... "Oh no, she's dead! Maybe if I'll cry, she'll come back to life! Yeah, that's it! She'll come back to life!" ) is OLD!! At least in the Lion King, you showed that people (and animals) do occasionally die, and there is nothing you can do about it. Nope; crying's not gonna help.

So when these kid's grandparents are on their deathbeds, the kids will cry. Why? Because they think if they cry enough, or if they become truly sad, they'll come back to life again!

My opinion. Trash it all you want.

For some reason I'm having these bad flashbacks to Rose Petal Place; anyone remember that marketing opportoonity?

[Anthonynotes]

Originally posted by Nftnat


I was 16 @ the time of the Valdez, so I have clear memories of it. But even so, when I saw that ad, the first thing I though of was coffee. Best not let Wakko or Craig get near it, eh?

And after being reminded of that scene in Macaroon's office, I have come to one single, inescapable conclusion: Lethal Intellect must be continued! Now if only I could figure out how...

Well, you're too late: I already wrote an ending (including that above scene) last year for "Lethal Intellect"; it's on the Story Board archives now....though I can't imagine any way of creating a sequel to such a story (which disqualifies me from working for Disney's direct-to-video sequels, I guess ;-)

-B.

[DR. BELCH]

It is actually James Hook himself? Not a twin brother who also happened to have lost his hand?
Maybe the croc just took another piece out of him--a leg, or something, and now he has two crude prosthetics.

Speaking of the Valdez, everyone hailed it as the great environmental apocolypse of the nineties, yet record-breaking, and presumably safe) numbers of fish were caught in Prince William Sound only a few years afterwards. Same with the Kuwaiti oil fires--that was cleaned up pretty quickly. So I've pretty much learned to turn a deaf ear to the mindless hand-wringers....

I'm reminded of a take on Peter Pan I read some years back that had Wendy and her daughter awaiting his possible return, although she was less than happy about it--she'd moved on, and truth be told, Peter was a real horse's butt. She lamented to the author--a reporter, I think--about how the real world isn't like a Disneyfied storybook, where "people died quiely and didn't soil their pants"...her description of the battle between the Lost Boys and the pirates was very gruesome in its specifics, e.g. "the deck boards were washed in blood"--yeecccch.

Capt. Hook during WWII...I'm trying not to picture him as a maritime version of Col. Klink...trying so very very hard....