Sins Unsurpassed, Part 2 of 2 [PARODY]

[Lorendiac]

BIG SPOILER WARNING: If you haven’t already read Amazing Spider-Man #509-514, either in the original issues or in the “Sins Past” TPB collection, then you only have yourself to blame if reading this gives away the major plot points!

For those who came in late:

This is the second half of my parody of the “Sins Past” story arc. It is written as if it were intended as a script for a “Mad Magazine-style” parody. But there are no plans to actually have it illustrated in the foreseeable future.

Reminder: As we ended Part 1, Spidery-Man had just discovered that of the two costumed figures who had been hounding him lately, the female one looked exactly like his late girlfriend, Gwyn Spacy, and he has reason to believe that she and her twin brother are in fact Gwyn’s long-lost kids he never knew about before. He ran a DNA test that seems to confirm this, but is still grappling with the implications.

Page 9.
Panel 1.
CAPTION: Peeper has just returned home to his wife Berrybrain, who has some shocking news for him.

BB: I read this letter, Peeper. I know who’s after you now.

PP: You’re probably not gonna believe this, but they couldn’t possibly be MY kids –

BB: Actually, I already know who the daddy is.


Panel 2.
Peeper’s shocked reaction to his wife’s admission of secret knowledge regarding Gwyn’s kids!

PP: You do? Are you saying you’ve kept this from me all these years? Because you don’t mean you magically found out in the last TEN MINUTES, do you?

BB: Lucky guess! That’s EXACTLY how it went down! JUST before you got home, a nice young intern from Marble Comics showed up and handed me a copy of the script for this scene, and that’s when I found out my Secret Knowledge is being retconned into our lives out of thin air –

Panel 3.
The Plot-Hammer actually clobbers someone other than Spidery, for a change of pace. Berrybrain takes a blow from a huge croquet mallet slamming down on the top of her head.

SFX: WHAMP!

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: AHEM! Let’s try to help our readers maintain a little “willing suspension of disbelief,” eh? Take it from the top, without any ad-libbing about “ten minutes ago!”

Panel 4.
Peeper’s shocked reaction to his wife’s admission of secret knowledge regarding Gwyn’s kids, Take Two!

PP: You do? Are you saying you’ve kept this from me all these years?

BB: Yes, I have! It was a matter of Sacred Honor! Gwyn made me promise to keep my mouth shut and let her handle it at her own pace. There weren’t any escape clauses in that promise to rule it null and void if she died before breaking the news to you herself! Besides, what could you have actually done about it at the time?

Panel 5.

PP: Um. Maybe that makes sense. After all, I wasn’t her widowed husband, nor the father of her kids, and I didn’t have any sort of regular salary in those days, so I don’t suppose the French OR the American courts would have felt the overwhelming urge to make me their new legal guardian, even if I petitioned for it.

BB (frantically double-checking her recently-delivered copy of the script): Er . . . yes, I assumed when their mommy didn’t come back for them where she had left them in France, they would end up being adopted by some respectable married couple over on the far side of the Atlantic, and you’d never need to see or hear about them at all! So why torment you with the knowledge of their existence when there was nothing you could really do about it?

Panel 6.

PP (generously): And it’s not like you could know anyone would actually raise them hate and fear me as the putative murderer of their mother so they’d grow up (superfast) and come gunning for me. I mean, who would have a motive to do a crazy thing like that?

BB: Er, their natural father, maybe.

PP: But you probably didn’t know – waitaminnit. Do you know who their daddy was? Anyone I’d remember? Hairy Oddborn, perhaps? He used to date Gwyn.

BB: You’re getting awfully warm!

Page 10.
Panel 1.

Another Obligatory Flashback! It’s many years ago.

GWYN: I couldn’t help myself, BB! It was his uncanny animal magnetism that just drew me in! (Funny how it only worked that way ONCE, and never affected me again! I keep having nightmares about being clobbered over the head with a giant croquet mallet around that time – not sure if that means anything!)

BB: Weird. I saw just as much of old Abnormal Oddborn as you did, and I never noticed any irresistible animal magnetism!

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: You didn’t? Excuse me while I make a quick note for the future! Maybe you just THINK you didn’t! One of these days, when we do a “thematic sequel” to this storyline, Peeper may REALLY be in for a shock!

Panel 2.

PP: Abnormal Oddborn, the Original Green Gobbler?

BB: Good work, Peeper! Be sure to spell that all out for any newcomers who aren’t up to date on our past “continuity!”

Panel 3.

PP: So you knew Gwyn and Abnormal had a long-lost daughter and a long-lost son, and you’ve never said a word about it to me. And according to those photos they mailed us, the girl actually met you on the street the other day. Didn’t you notice anything peculiar about a young lady who was the spit’n’image of your late, lamented friend, Gwyn Spacy?

MJ: No, I didn’t notice a resemblance. I think she had her blond hair back in a bun. That would COMPLETELY change her look, you know!

PP: It would?

Panel 4.
The Plot-Hammer strikes its favorite target (Spidery) again, in an effort to make him cooperate so the story can "move forward."

SFX: WHAMP!

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: Spidery, how many times do we have to tell you? Just ACCEPT the implausible assumptions of the Sacred Script and move on! What kind of story do you think this is? Some sort of “fair play” mystery where every stinking anomaly is a carefully crafted CLUE that actually makes sense once you see the big picture? Instead of just being there for NO particular reason?

Panel 5.

BB: Besides, Peeper, I asked if there was any special REASON you were wondering about those strangers Mayfly and I had met, and you said NO. So if it DIDN’T matter who she was, then why should I bore you by describing a chance resemblance – EVEN if I had noticed it at the time?

PP: (Cough, cough.) You know what? We’ve already wasted too much time on this trivial side issue! Let’s just move along, shall we? Never mind your meeting Mascara the other day on the street – let’s return to the question of why you never told me Mascara even existed!

Panel 6.
BB: If Gwyn had lived, she would’ve told you herself. But with her gone, how could I ruin your memories of her?

PP: Well, that would make a heck of a lot more sense IF there was nobody else alive who was likely to ruin those memories for me ANYWAY! Granted: When we got married, we thought the original Green Gobbler was long dead. But it’s been quite some time since we found out he WASN’T. From what you say, YOU knew that HE knew about his illegitimate kids! Couldn’t you anticipate that he’d be taking an interest in them; that someday he might drop an anvil on me by revealing their existence? A little advance notice might save me from getting killed while I was still reeling from the shock in a battle!

Page 11.

Panel 1.
There’s a pause in their fascinating conversation while Berrybrain is leafing frantically through the script, trying to find a line that will explain this huge logical hole in her Recently Retconned Behavior Patterns. Meanwhile, Spidery is looking upward, at nothing in particular.

PP: That’s funny – I kinda expected the Plot-Hammer to clobber me again for pointing out just how STUPID it was for my wife to keep mum AFTER the Green Gobbler “returned from the dead.”

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: Nah, why bother? It gives you a good reason to DISTRUST your wife and blame HER for illogical thinking! Nothing to do with the writer or the editor; just take it all out on your wife in the best superhero tradition! Trust me, I’m an expert on these things!

PP: Gee, thanks for the free marriage counseling. Didn’t I hear a rumor you’ve been divorced twice?

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: Don’t push your luck, sonny!

Panel 2.

BB (glancing at her copy of the Sacred Script again for cues): Um, honey - aren’t you going to start smashing furniture, right about now?

PP (blankly): Wasn’t planning to. What did that furniture ever do to me? And we’d just have to buy replacement stuff after my tantrum was over.

Panel 3.
Once again, the Plot-Hammer works its special magic with a sharp blow to the top of Spidery’s head.

SFX: WHAMP!

CAPTION: Editor's Note: Emotional suffering works better when it’s expressed in terms of visual violence and property damage, you fool! Who do you think you are, Hamlet? Just SAYING you feel awful about this turn of events won’t satisfy the peeping toms we call “fanboys” the way a good old-fashioned rampage will!

Panel 4.

PP: So much for “with great power, comes great responsibility.” But before I start: How far is this supposed to go, sweetie? Please don’t tell me we’re scheduled to do a reprise of that awful scene from the mid-90s where I slapped YOU around –

BB: No, The Powers That Be are content with furniture this time.

PP: I guess I can live with that.

Panel 5.

Spidery has raised a chest of drawers and is now smashing it down on the floor, reducing it to splinters.

PP (hamming it up): AAAAAARRRRRGH!

NEIGHBOR’S VOICE (from off-panel): Do you think we should call the police, Myrtle? Those Perkers are indulging in noisy, destructive domestic violence AGAIN! Oh, if only a real hero, like Spidery-Man, would give them a firm talking-to about decent behavior!

Panel 6.

BB (glancing at her script again): Please calm down, Peeper! Come back to me!

PP (shrugging casually, since he wasn’t actually “seeing red” to begin with): Okay. If you say so. “Tantrum’s” over!

Page 12.

Panel 1.
Our young lovebirds are brainstorming about how to deal with the problem of Gabble and Mascara and their misconceptions.

BB: Should I go down the list of all the different superheroes who owe you big favors, and who could probably help resolve this if you just picked up the phone and ASKED?

PP: No, we already ran that joke into the ground when you listed all the ways I could get Gwyn’s letter an “expert examination” WITHOUT threatening an honest cop’s family in the process. Just take it as read that I’m not going to drag any other superheroes into this messy story! I’ve got a better idea! I’ll call a press conference, just on the off chance that Gabble and Mascara have nothing better to do all day than sit in a hotel room, glued to the boob tube, watching the programming to see if I’ve recently said anything interesting for the public record!

BB: Now why didn’t I think of that?

Panel 2.
Spidery has called a press conference in front of the Daily Blow-Your-Own-Horn.

SPIDERY (thinking silently): Got to mention a place they’ll be able to identify from a vague reference, without clueing in the entire world.

SPIDERY: Mascara! Gabble! There are things you need to hear from me directly! Meet me at the place where WE first met –

Panel 3.
The Plot-Hammer isn’t tolerating any efforts on Spidery’s part to avoid heading back to that accursed bridge . . .

SFX: WHAMP!

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: STOP AD-LIBBING, Spidery! By golly, this story is going to feature a Tear-jerking Return to the Top of the Bridge From Whence Gwyn Spacy Fell to Her Death, just like a dozen OTHER stories you’ve been in over the years, and it’s no use trying to wriggle out of it! Doesn’t matter how implausible it is that you would ever VOLUNTARILY invite Gwyn Spacy’s lookalike daughter up to that accursed spot; just suck it up and get the words out so we can move along to the next scene!

Panel 4.

SPIDERY: Ahem. I meant to say, meet me at the place where I last saw your MOTHER. Try not to dwell on the morbid overtones of that suggestion.

Panel 5.
Spidery is swinging away from the press conference, while members of a TV news crew are following in their van.

SPIDERY: I suppose I might notice if a newscrew was following me – except that gosh darn it, my Spidery-Sense is still vacationing on the beach in Aruba! And I suppose I could duck into a crowded skyscraper, change into civvies, and saunter out the front door while the camera crews were frantically looking for a guy in a red and blue costume –

Panel 6.
The Plot-Hammer makes itself useful once again!

SFX: Whamp!

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: Why, oh why, do you want to keep tormenting us by trying to drag “logical thought” and “sensible precautions” into a perfectly good tale of Retcons, Angst, and Slugfests?

Panel 7.
They are up on top of the notorious bridge. (Whichever bridge it is – I hear the experts are divided on this vital question.) Spidery is standing, orating. Gabble and Mascara are sitting side by side facing him, with her head resting on her brother’s shoulder.

CAPTION: Spidery thinks, “It was a lot of trouble to get them here, but I decided they desperately needed a history lesson in the twists and turns of my continuity, to let them see all this in perspective!”

SPIDERY: - And THAT’S why Abnormal Oddborn killed your mommy and then tried to pin the blame on me!

MASCARA AND GABBLE (snoring in unison): ZZZZZ.

Page 13.
Panel 1.
CAPTION: Spidery thinks, “Okay, so I finally got them to wake up long enough to listen to the very condensed version. Now they know the truth! Right?”

MASCARA: I think I believe him, actually. I kept wondering: Why did he go digging up an old grave to get a tissue sample in the first place?

SPIDERY: In my defense: I ONLY did it because I got Plot-Hammered –

GABBLE: Shut up, you slime! My SISTER is talking!

SPIDERY: Oh. Sorry.

Panel 2.

MASCARA: But if Gwyn’s kids were probably his, why mess around with graves at all? Why not just use a bit of his own tissue to test for a close match? Unless he knew her kids COULDN’T possibly be his?

SPIDERY: Yeah! Yeah! She’s got you there, buster! How about that? Huh? Betcha can’t think of a good answer to that question!

Panel 3.
This panel stretches across the middle of the page, from right to left, to give Gabble plenty of room for his long-winded exposition, each part of his answer in a separate word balloon..

GABBLE: Gee, come to think of it, I guess you’re right. I’m stuck for an answer. (Except for any of the following) --

GABBLE: ONE, you could be so emotionally messed up after killing her that you’ve managed to blot out the details and convince yourself that you never even got to first base with her! Just because you’re in DENIAL doesn’t PROVE you were never intimate with our saintly mother.

GABBLE: TWO, one or the other of you could have been using a birth control method that failed for once - so you honestly but mistakenly believe she “must have” cheated on you and gotten pregnant by someone else. Maybe suspicion of cheating was why you killed her!

GABBLE: THREE, you could be one of those sickos who gets a nasty THRILL from desecrating a grave, provided he has some flimsy “excuse” to placate his stunted “conscience.”

GABBLE: FOUR, you could have figured we’d be spying on you, so you made a big SHOW of digging up that grave - to rub our noses in the implication that you “obviously” knew we “couldn’t possibly” share your genes!

Panel 4.
His audience of two, Mascara and Spidery, are staring at him in shocked surprise after hearing him rattle off those theories. They are surprised for somewhat different reasons, however.

MASCARA: Gabble, I never quite realized just how paranoid you are. Isn’t he, Spidery?

SPIDERY (who tries hard to be fair): Er, actually, your twin raises some EXCELLENT points, logically speaking! I hadn’t thought of ANY of those theories! But as far as YOU know, they are all valid possibilities -

Panel 5.
Gabble has lunged at Spidery and is pinning him down on the ground (well, actually, the upper surface of the bridge, but you know what I mean!).

GABBLE: Now, rather than give you any chance to refuse my theories by dragging anything dangerous, such as EVIDENCE, into this discussion, I’ll just throttle you!

MASCARA: Wait, Gabble! Can’t you see he’s just going easy on you because he doesn’t really want to hurt you?

SPIDERY (having trouble talking through the pressure on his throat): * Gasp – choke – wheeze – urrgh –

FOOTNOTE: * Translation: Er, yeah, that’s right! I could handle you with one hand tied behind my back! And twice on Sunday! Not that the results of our previous clashes actually SUPPORT that assertion, but take my word for it!

Page 14.
Panel 1.
A rifleshot from below (police sniper, offstage) hits the bridge near where Gabble had been throttling Spidery. Gabble is jumping away from him, while pulling out a gun, and yelling.

GABBLE: You see, Sis? It’s all a setup! He just drew us out into the open so his fascist buddies, the NYPD, could deploy snipers to catch us in a crossfire!

SPIDERY: You were right, Mascara! He IS paranoid! Just because I arranged for us to meet atop a big bridge that gets zillions of people crossing over it every day – just because I’m still wearing my conspicuous costume that can be recognized a mile away, even though I didn’t have to bother because you two know my identity – just because I took NO precautions to shake off any journalists who might follow me away from my press conference – just because we’ve been standing in this very exposed position, talking each other’s ears off, long enough for the police to close in from all sides – is ANY of that a fair reason for your twin to accuse me of luring him into a TRAP instead of “dealing in good faith”?

MASCARA: Spidery, I suggest you shut up before you dig an even deeper hole for yourself!

Panel 2.
Gabble is firing his gun at Spidery, and Spidery is (naturally) dodging. One would think that Gabble would remember the same lesson his sister knew, about it being virtually impossible to nail Spidery with a bullet unless he (implausibly) stood still and waited for it to connect . . . from offstage, behind Spidery, in the same direction as the path the bullet seems to be taking as it tears across the panel, comes a scream.

MASCARA: OUCH!

Panel 3.
A wounded Mascara reels off the top of the bridge, while Spidery stares at her from some distance away. Her brother is falling off the other side, Spidery having just clobbered him before he turned back to look at Mascara.

CAPTION: Spidery thinks, “I knock her brother off the bridge and then freeze in shock. Specifically, shock that the editors have approved yet ANOTHER instance of what has become the most hackneyed situation in my continuity over the past thirty years!

Panel 4.
Spidery has caught Mascara in mid-air and is triumphantly swinging away with her via a webline.

SPIDERY: Now, I know for a fact that Gabble is strong enough to survive that fall. But I was FRANTIC to rescue his sister, even though she’s equally strong, so wouldn’t she be equally able to survive?

MASCARA (helpfully): But polluted river water might get into my open wound and give me a horrible infection?

SPIDERY: Uh . . . Right! I knew there had to be a REASON I was reacting to this as if someone were actually in deadly danger!

Panel 5.
Spidery is carrying a gut-shot Mascara into an Emergency Room in a hospital.

SPIDERY: She’s been shot! She’s lost a lot of blood! I INSIST you treat her next! I’ll fight for that if I have to!

INTERN (sarcastically, judging by facial expression): Gee, normally we’d say that standard E.R. policy is to make any new arrival, even a girl with a gunshot wound in the abdomen, just wait in line behind the kid with a sprained finger and the lady with a case of poison ivy. But just for you, Spidery-Man, we’ll make an EXCEPTION!

SPIDERY (dead serious): Yep. I FIGURED you’d just let her quietly bleed to death in the corner if she didn’t have a superhero throwing his weight around for her!

SECOND INTERN: I swear, it isn’t healing the sick and wounded that makes us medical professionals so grouchy. It’s dealing with obnoxious laymen who think THEY are the only ones who grasp the concept of using “rules of triage” to sensibly set priorities when there’s a whole slew of patients to be dealt with!

Panel 6.
Spidery and Mascara are lying, side by side, on stretchers, with blood transfusion tubing connecting them. Spidery’s wife, Berrybrain, is visiting.

SPIDERY: I volunteered to give her some of my super-strong blood that might cure what ails her!

BB (whispering): But honey, didn’t doing this for your Aunt Mayfly years ago make her desperately ill after the radiation in your blood kicked in and started damaging her non-radioactive metabolism?

SPIDERY (whispering): SHUSH! I think all the writers and editors at Marble these days have long since forgotten that. No need to remind ‘em! Unless they think of it, I figure Mascara has a GREAT chance of making a full recovery!

Page 15.

Panel 1.
Gabble is striding into some weird underground lair that Abnormal Oddborn must have told him about as a “safe house” for a worst-case scenario, if he ever needed to hole up somewhere

GABBLE: So far, my major accomplishment in the plot has been to shoot my own sister, the last person on Earth I ever wanted to harm! This is NOT the way my agent described the script to me when he said it was my big chance! Everybody lies to me and takes advantage of me! Spidery even tries to tell me that Abnormal lied to me and was secretly the old Green Gobbler -

Panel 2.
Gabble stares in horror at two display cases, containing a pair of Gobbler costumes, one in his size and one in Mascara's size.

GABBLE: There must be a logical explanation for this, and it’ll come to me in a moment! Um . . . trophies from villains he defeated way back when, and was far too modest to ever boast about?

Panel 3.
ABNORMAL'S RECORDED VOICE: Hello, Gabble and Mascara! I hope you've killed Spidery! Now we can take your development to the next level! Make you more like your biological daddy – me, that is! Inject yourselves with a serum I’ve prepared and you’ll be able to stabilize your aging and live long, happy, megalomaniacal lives!

Panel 4.

ABNORMAL’S VOICE: You know you can trust me, children. Have I ever lied to you before, unless it served my own agenda? And sure, shooting that stuff into your veins may have a few minor side effects, such as aggravated paranoid and delusional tendencies, but so what? In Gabble's case in particular, who will ever know the difference?

GABBLE: You call that a sales pitch? You couldn’t sell a water heater to an Eskimo in mid-winter if you told him it would give him aggravated paranoid and delusional tendencies! So why even mention them?

Panel 5.
Gabble is looking rather impatient with this ridiculously contrived scenario as he examines the flaws in it.

GABBLE: Seriously, self, this is the epitome of a “no-brainer.” I never had the SLIGHTEST interest in any Gobblers, Green or otherwise, until a few minutes ago. There is no earthly reason for me to waste my time pulling on one of these stupid Halloween costumes. In fact, if I buy the stuff that recorded voice is feeding me, and put it together with the stuff Spidery said, it appears that the webhead was telling the truth all along and I have NO CAUSE to hate Spidery in the first place! So why beg for trouble? And why trust Abnormal now, about that serum, after all the lies he’s previously told me?

Panel 6.
Once again, the Plot-Hammer is put to good use. After all, we’re getting so close to the finish line that no snot-nosed brat who’s remarkably tall for his age is gonna be allowed to stand in our way! One or two blows probably wouldn’t suffice to change his mind, so the Editor goes for broke this time!

SFX: WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP! WHAMP!

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: Because, you moron, if you refuse to follow the Sacred Script, you’ll become an even more useless, embarrassing, and redundant character than you already are (though it doesn’t seem POSSIBLE!), and we’ll simply make you disappear into Continuity Limbo for ever and ever!

Page 16.
Panel 1.
They may have overdone it. The Plot-Hammer, once in pristine condition, now lies broken on the floor after being used to hit poor Gabble so hard, so fast, so many times, that its handle finally failed to withstand the stresses. On the other hand, they do seem to have gotten the desired results! Gabble is in his spiffy new costume!

GABBLE: YEEHAH! The Grey Gobbler is ready to go kick some Spidery-butt! (Even though I just learned he ISN’T my murderous deadbeat dad after all, so why should I CARE about him one way or the other?)

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: You’re learning, kid, you’re learning. Stick with me and you’ll go places!

Panel 2.
The Grey Gobbler and Spidery-Man are having a slugfest outside the hospital.

GREY GOBBLER: Tremble at the advent of your worst nightmare, Spidery! The Grey Gobbler is out to get you!

SPIDERY: (Yawn.) If I’ve long since STOPPED trembling at the sight of any of five or six Green Gobblers, three or four HobGobblers, at least one DemoGobbler, et cetera . . . then why should the sudden advent of a GREY Gobbler be extra-hard on my nerves?

Panel 3.
GREY GOBBLER: Mascara! Shoot him now! He deserves it! His disrespect for human life is appalling!

MASCARA: Funny, I would have sworn YOU were the one who sprayed bullets around and carelessly hit ME the last time we danced this dance!

Mascara shoots a hole in the fuel tank of the Gobbler-Glider her brother is zooming around on.

Panel 4.
The flaming glider crashes into the water and explodes.

GABBLE (voice coming from out of the fireball; we can’t really see him): Abnormal was right. Some women really hold grudges over every SILLY little thing!

SFX: KABOOM!

SPIDERY: Wait – didn’t we already have this “natural stopping place” for the story a few scenes ago? Mascara is physically wounded but psychologically on the road to recovery, while an irrationally violent and distrusting Gabble falls into the water and is lost to view, but may come back for a rematch later?

CAPTION: Editor’s Note: Sure, but at the time, we still had some pages left to fill from our quota, so we knew you wouldn’t mind if we pushed pieces around on the gameboard until we arrived at the same dramatic “ending” all over again!

Panel 5.
SPIDERY (trying to give a pep talk): You did what had to be done, Mascara. The editor just told me we’re running low on space; this mess had to be “temporarily resolved” somehow!

MASCARA: By the way, are we supposed to assume that my twin is dead, even if nobody finds the body?

SPIDERY: Hmm. That brain-dead conclusion is often mandatory in my line of work, but in this case the script DOESN'T go into detail. Pick whatever assumption you prefer!

Panel 6.

Some nice civilians are trying to give first aid to a young man in a tattered gray outfit who washed up on the beach.

CIVILIAN: Take it easy, buddy. You look like you're still in one piece. By the way, what's your moniker?

CAPTION: Editor's Note: Yoo hoo! Gabble? Gabble, where are you? We lost track of you in all the ruckus! And even if we could find you, we haven’t been able to replace the Plot-Hammer yet! But we need you, Gabble! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Speak up and say your name loud and clear, so we triangulate your position! We figure in the next story arc, you and your sister can actually chop off a few of each other’s body parts! And the time after that, you can decide she’s not really your sister at all and try to sexually assault her! We’ll double your pay! Triple it, even!

GABBLE (thinking quickly and making a remarkably principled decision): Gosh darn it, I . . . I . . . I can’t even remember my name!

CAPTION: Dare we hope that this is . . . THE END?

*****

A final note from Lorendiac:

Months ago I had a chance to buy, cheaply, all four issues of the “Sins Remembered” story arc at a sale. So I own them, but I still haven’t read any of them. One reason was that I didn’t want any later revelations in them to unfairly color my take on “Sins Past” in this parody, which I had already started at the time and then stowed away on my hard drive for awhile.

Now that I’ve completed the parody, I intend to read them very soon. Will I be inspired by them to write another parody, as a sequel to this one? Only time will tell!

[Sharklady]

Hee hee hee hee hee!

Love the running gag with the mallet, and PP's 'spider sense' vacationing in Aruba (let's hope it doesn't decide to stay there permanently- with it's resistance to being sneaked up on, Spidey will have a heck of a time getting it back.)

[Chosen Raven]

Either that was really good or I'm blinded by my total hate of the "Sins Past" story arc. Probably both.

Enjoy "Sins Remembered". The final issue has one of the most cheesy pep talks I have ever had the displeasure of reading.

[90'sCartoonMan]

That poor plot hammer. I had a feeling it would be used so much it would get messed up. But hey, if that's what it takes to get Gabble to wear the costume...

I liked the parts with BB and all the strange logic.

Wasn't he called Gangrene Goblin before?

As for "Sins Remembered", I doubt you'll get much parody out of it since it was kinda long and boring. But then again, you did manage to condense everything in one issue for this.