An apocryphal "true story"...

[Frozen]

Here's a "true story" that's just been sent to me by a colleague. Whilst quite funny, I truly doubt its verasity...

Radio Conversation


This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a U.S. naval
ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October,
1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations
10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a
collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert
your course."

Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert your course."

Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest
ship in the United States' Atlantic Fleet ! We are accompanied by three
destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels! I demand that
you change your course 15 degrees North, that's one-five degrees North,
or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this
ship!"

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

[Nightflower]

Originally posted by Frozen
Here's a "true story" that's just been sent to me by a colleague. Whilst quite funny, I truly doubt its verasity...

Hehehe....a teacher of mine, who was checking his email during class (No comment there), read that out loud to my class about four years ago.

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

HA HA!
Ah, America....another fine example of our albility...kinda plausible, actually. But seriously, that was hilarious. Any more 'true' stories? I'd like to see more...maybe this could become a thread for urban legends!

[Frozen]

OK, BourgeoisBuffoon, try this...

This story, reported in the press last week, happened in a College of Surgeons Rugby game. Story goes like this, in the course of the game a guy is unfortunate enough to dislocate his leg. He is screaming in agony.

The pitch is full of trainee medics and they realise this fairly fast. They call an ambulance but also realise the quickest way to put the guy out of his agony is to push the femur back into the hip joint. They go ahead and do this. Unfortunately the screaming intensifies as a result, the poor guy has gone from occasional moans of agony to squealing like a pig getting
slaughtered. Within a few minutes he has passed out from the pain. The reason? When they pushed his femur back into his hip socket, they managed to catch & snag one of his testicles along the way and ram it into the ball of the hip joint ahead of the femur they were trying to re-locate. When the bone snapped back into place the testicle was squashed immediately because of the strength of the ligament and tendons attaching the leg to the pelvic girdle. The guy lost his testicle and ruptured his vocal cords screaming in agony...

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by Frozen
[COLOR=SKYBLUE]

You said it. I almost fainted just reading it. . .

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

Uh....next time I'll watch what I ask for...oh my god....I nearly fainted as well, and I'm still feeling woozy....oh my god...

[The Mad Hatter]

Ow. I read this right after lunch.

Nobody ask Frozen for more stories, okay?

[Nightflower]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

[Calhoun07]

All the guys are now crossing their legs and the girls just laugh! Typical!

[Nightflower]

Not ALL the girls. Just me *snickers*

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

(raises eyebrow) Shaddap, Nighflower.
Sigh...I hate to say it, but chalk one up for the girls in the battle of the sexes.

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by calhoun07
All the guys are now crossing their legs

You can cross your legs if you want. I have a great desire to give my privates all the space and room they need!

[TuffyCatt]

Originally posted by Nightflower
Not ALL the girls. Just me *snickers*

Me too!! HAHAHAHA!! Sorry...I just had to laugh at somebody today...okay I'm better now.

[DR. BELCH]

The lighthouse one is debunked at Snopes, who says that joke probably has existed in one form or another since the famous lighthouse at Alexandria. But the one about the guy who had one of his cojones accidentally crushed by paras while resetting a bone is a new one on me. Though it might well replace the one about the guy, the gal, the white couch, and the note saying "the dog did it" as my favorite urban legend....

[James]

Originally posted by Frozen
Here's a "true story" that's just been sent to me by a colleague. Whilst quite funny, I truly doubt its verasity...

Amusing, but I doubt it's verasity too - maybe a tiny bit of it's true....

[Frozen]

Once again, a colleague of mine has made me laugh - this time with this collection of 'real' signs from across the world. Whilsty very very funny, I really do doubt they exist, however!

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.


Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND
SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

If anybody else has any further funny notices, then please do tootle me melodiously..!

[Karkull]

I sure hope that Frozen's first story is an urban legend. [Shudder].

[optimal321]

The first one was funny.

The last one was too.

The second one hurt so bad to read! I can still feel it

[Psycho Fox]

TuffyCatt, Nightflower your both despicable.

Anyway the first story is a story told many time and there are many versions of it. I think there is a bit of truth to it but I think it was a single US Navy Ship of some sort. Anyway that story was put into a Freaky Stories ep. A animated show (on Y-TV) that make shorts on old tales like that. II'll tell you the stories from the show that I like.

Ok a Truck Driver and his wife are heading home from a vacation. The truck driver is really tired so he goes into the trailer their pulling to get some sleep and lets his wife drive. Since he is a manly truck driver he sleeps in his birthday suit and this time it is no diffent. Time passes and he wakes up as they stop. He hears his wife opening the driver's side door. He figures he should be in his drive way by now and being a manly truck driver he figures he can just streak to the front door. As soon as he gets out his wife drives away thinking he is still asleep in the trailer seems she got lost and just stoped at a truck stop for dircetions but not just any truck stop but one he is a regular at.

--------

A contruction worker kissed his wife good bye as he pretends to go work. See he thinks his wife is cheating on him so he goes around the block and watches the house. He sees a flashy car pull into his drive way and a man walk up to door and his wife invites him in. Now the contruction worker is mad so he goes to the contruction site where he works and takes the cemenet mixer then he goes home and pours cement in the stangers car. The contruction workers wife and the man runs out. The man just smiles at him and says "I hope you enjoy your new car" as he walks off. His wife very mad walks up to him and hands him the keys and says happy birthday.

----------------

A young teenager is looking the through the paper to find a car. He finds a mint condition sports car for only $100 bucks. He figures it is a joke or something but it is too good to pass up. He goes to the address and there is the car in mint condition he drooled over it for a sec then a women came out and greeted him. She confirmed that the car was only $100 dollars. He figure it must be hot or something but she had all the papers so he took it for a test drive. He noticed a nock in the engine so he took it to a local garage. The mechanic found the couse of the knocking a mans wedding ring other then that the car was in mint condition so the teenager drove back and gave the wedding ring to the ower saing it was in the engine of the car. The women explained that it belongs to her ex-husband, he ran off with some bimbo and told her to send him all the money she can get for car thus after the teenage bought the car she sent the $100 bucks to him. Saying it is all she got for the mint condision sports car.

----------------------

A baggage handler is loading an airplane he throws a pet carring container too hard it misses the conveyer belt and a dead dog falls out of it. The baggage handler felling bad for killing someones dog askes his freinds to stall the plane as long as they can. He rushes to the pound tring to find a dog like it but can't he is just about to give up when he finds a little boy with a dog just like it. He gave the boy all the money in his wallet for the dog and rushes back to the airport. He puts the dog in the container and carfully loads it on the plane. Later the dogs owner faints when she gets the dog. Seems the dog was already dead and was going to it's funeral.

[Maxie Zeus]

I heard a variation on the dead dog story:

A man gets up early and goes out in his back yard, where he finds his dog standing over the torn and dirty body of a rabbit. The man is horrified because he recognizes the rabbit as the pet of the family next door. So he takes the rabbit inside, washes it up as best he can and then sneaks into the neighbor's yard and puts it back in the hutch where it used to live in. Then he goes back to bed (so as avoid the crying kids when the rabbit is found).

Instead, he's woken up by a woman screaming her head off. He goes out and finds his neighbor's wife standing in front of the hunch and screaming. He asks her what's wrong. She points at the hutch and says, "The rabbit. It died yesterday and we buried it . . . and IT'S COME BACK!!!"