Having problems being more social/shy

**ChuckRoast** · 03-30-2007, 10:03 AM

I'm having problems speaking to other people. I would usually freeze up and such when there times that require me to speak. Does anybody have any pointers for me out there?

**Eddie G.** · 03-30-2007, 11:32 AM

Yes, everyone. That's really the first key to get over shyness and that's to realize that nobody is any less insecure then you are. Because of that, also remember that people really just aren't that into you. For the most part, they're concerned with their own insecurities and what people think of them, they really have no time to judge you, so don't really worry about that.

Beyond that, talking is a skill and with any skill you have to practice it. Just try to talk more and try to grow a little more confident. Feel free to PM or IM me for my advice because I've really been through what you've been through, but am now a pretty solid public speaker.

**Areku** · 03-30-2007, 11:39 AM

Well this is bad advice I guess but just do it. I almost never get shy but I blush when I get embarrassed, so I just make fun of it and everyone likes me for that.

Ok the best I can tell you is pretend that the person your talking to is your friend (( best friend w/e )). Maybe that will help you.

Wish you the best of luck, and just be yourself with people. That always works for me.

**ChuckRoast** · 03-30-2007, 12:13 PM

Thanks for replying! It actually took me alot of courage to even post this topic.

**Vermunium** · 03-30-2007, 01:09 PM

As previously posted, take a topic that you're really into, and just start talking about it with people. It makes you less shy, and more into it. It really helps break the ice.

**Kury Wagner** · 03-30-2007, 01:36 PM

Being social requires as much practice as anything else. Take it slow, get yourself comfortable talking to people.

Open with a joke or something cute. I love asking people how much a polar bear weighs. When they say, "I don't know, how much?" you respond, "enough to break the ice," and tell them your name or whatever you're sellin'.

**Tay the Cat** · 03-30-2007, 01:53 PM

I have this problem often.

This is the reason someone has to send me an IM first before they get one from me.

It's amazing... I used to be more outgoing online than in real life.

**KuwabaraTheMan** · 03-30-2007, 02:41 PM

Oh yes, I've had tons of problems. Still do, to an extent. Around new people I tend to be quieter as I don't have a real comfort zone, particularly in large groups. If I just meet someone and it isn't in a group setting, I can be better.

I struggle a little at parties for this type of reason.

But once I find my comfort zone with people, I'm a very loud, outgoing person.

Originally Posted by Kury Wagner

Open with a joke or something cute. I love asking people how much a polar bear weighs. When they say, "I don't know, how much?" you respond, "enough to break the ice," and tell them your name or whatever you're sellin'.

Hah, that's awesome, babe.

My personal favorite icebreaker is "So, what's new with Jesus?"

...Long story

**Frank Castle** · 03-30-2007, 02:53 PM

Make sure you look as best as possible when confronting someone new as well. We only get one chance to make a first impression and it's just as much about appearance as it is having the right verbal skills.

**XOMiss_Samantha** · 03-30-2007, 03:07 PM

Just be your self. period. By being yourself you'll attract true friends who will stick with you till the end. Try to join activities or just speak up more, even though it's hard. Yeah, it takes practice, but the sacrafice can be worth it in the end.

**Ishtar** · 03-30-2007, 03:09 PM

I have a big problem being very shy and timid. I have Aspergers, so that's a side effect sadly. A lot of times I wish I could talk to more people easier. I'm a lot more outgoing online compared to offline. However, the people I do talk to in real life I end up talking with a lot.

**purplehairedwonder** · 03-30-2007, 03:14 PM

I quite often have the same problem. My closest friends can be very surprised at how reserved I can get at times, especially in class. But my school is very small and all but one of my classes are small and discussion-based, which originally clashed with my personality. But I've been trying to get over being so reserved by just forcing myself to talk even if it feels uncomfortable and usually I feel better for have doing it afterward (much like going to the gym

). Honestly, there isn't a lot more you can do other than just do it. I know it's hard, but the results are definitely worth it.

**Kagetsu** · 03-30-2007, 03:26 PM

Lie.

Now you don't want to try this with girls or people you're trying to get to know and will see on a regular basis. But how many times a day are you confronted with general small talk with people who you may never see again.

I got extremely tired of listening to people prattle on about stuff I couldn't care less about and have them ask all kinds of questions that I really didn't feel I wanted them to know. So I adapted my day dreams to little stories, added regular names and set up their lives to be ready to talk about them at the drop of a hat.

It's good practice, and the stories are very funny.

**Kury Wagner** · 03-30-2007, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by Kagetsu

Lie.

Now you don't want to try this with girls or people you're trying to get to know and will see on a regular basis. But how many times a day are you confronted with general small talk with people who you may never see again.

I got extremely tired of listening to people prattle on about stuff I couldn't care less about and have them ask all kinds of questions that I really didn't feel I wanted them to know. So I adapted my day dreams to little stories, added regular names and set up their lives to be ready to talk about them at the drop of a hat.

It's good practice, and the stories are very funny.

I'm surprised other people do this. I used to do this a lot, using the same excuse as you, "like I'll ever see this person again." I don't really do it anymore, though, because lying got to be too much of a habit.

**Tay the Cat** · 03-30-2007, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kury Wagner

I'm surprised other people do this. I used to do this a lot, using the same excuse as you, "like I'll ever see this person again." I don't really do it anymore, though, because lying got to be too much of a habit.

Same here.

I used to do this as well, but after a while it wasn't cool to do so I stopped.

**KuwabaraTheMan** · 03-30-2007, 04:09 PM

I can't recall every outright doing that, although I think occasionally I might have fibbed a little bit figuring it didn't matter with random people.

But now, I prefer to just be myself. I figure I'm crazy enough as it is.

**Eddie G.** · 03-30-2007, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by Kagetsu

Lie.

This good advice for kids, since making up stories does help develop social skills, but you have to stop doing this at one point and learn to be confident about who you are, what your life is like, and what you actually know about. Small talk is really as boring as you want to make it. To tell you the truth though I've had a bunch of fun conversations with people I don't really know in this class I'm taking. In a few weeks we'll probably never see each other again but we had some great conversations about movies, comics, and just making fun of each other. Small talk can be more than, "Hot enough for ya?" without lying.

**Dr.Pepper** · 03-30-2007, 07:02 PM

I am very shy around people I do noy know and do most of my talking in and around forums.

**Master Moron** · 03-30-2007, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by veemonjosh

I have trouble talking to people as well. Mostly because I have Aspergers.

Having Aspergers sucks, though, cause no one wants to be your friend (I haven't had a friend since FIFTH GRADE), none of your guidance councilors even know what Aspergers is (and they think you're making it up), and then you become a zombie and wish you were dead (and I've actually tried killing myself).

They think you're making it up? That seems unprofessional. Maybe they think you're saying ass burgers and making a joke. You have to admit, aspergers is a pretty funny name.

By the way, don't feel too down about your life in high school. As hard as it is to imagine, high school isn't the end of the world. Life for many people is a lot better after high school.