The Audience From Hell

[Andy Mancini]

I am sorry to vent at such a late hour, but I need to get this out.

As most of you know, the new M. Night Shamylan move, "The Villiage" came out tonight. My brother, girlfriend, and myself are all huge Shamylan fans, so suffice it to say that we were really looking forward to film. Bad reviews, cryptic trailer, no big stars... it made no difference to us. We were looking planning to see this movie for a while now, and there was no way that we were going to have a bad time.

...But that is when we ran into into the audience from hell. Due to the fact that the place was nearly sold out, we ended up sitting by a pack of teenage girls, This pack, who just happened to be sitting by another pack of teenage girls that they obviously knew, were trying to flirt with the pack of teenage boys that was sitting around them... during the movies. Their list of offenses are as follows:



- Giving us dirty looks by sitting next to them. Never mind the fact that the three seats next to them were the only place that we could sit together and not hurt our necks.

- Talking loudly during both the previews and the film itself.

- Taking off their shoes and pitting their feet on the back of the seat in front of them.

- Using their backlit cell phones, both for talking and sending text messages to their friends.

- Passing said cell phones to their friends... while the phone is still on... over our heads like we weren't even there.

- Laughing loudly at everything that Noah (Adrian Brody) did - including

Spoiler:

when he stabbed Lucius (Jaoquin Phoenix) twice

- just because he was mentally challenged.

- Commenting MST3K style on everything that they found to be "wrong" with the film, including the lack of "popular" music and horror scenes.

- Screaming at the top of their lungs every time something unexpected happened.

- Yelling "Hey... that's the director!" when Shamylan made his traditional, Hitchcock-esque cameo.

- Five words: "The end credits scared me."


So there you have it. Our time was ruined and we barely got to pay attention to the movie. It felt like we were all in high school all over again. We plan to go back when we are certain that we can actually watch the movie (11 in the morning on a Tuesday), but it's just not the same. Once again, I am sorry to complain, but I had to get this out.

[Tanooki]

it's understandable that you're upset. but, they're teenage girls so there really isn't anything you can do unless you want all of them ganging up on you. i'd recommend getting the manager of the theatre or something along those lines. if it was me, i'd probably yell at the top of my lungs at them to shut the cannot-say-this-word up

Hero

[Mr. Pedro]

All of the reasons you just gave are percisely why:

-I don't see movies in the theaters regularly (and wait for the DVD)

-If there is a movie I want to see, I wait a week or so for the buzz around the film to die down so the crowd becomes smaller (hey, I'm in no hurry)

-Before sitting down, I spend a minute or two looking around the theater for the most barren, unpopulated section of the theater (right next to the screen or in the nosebleed section, makes no difference to me as long as I get my space)

Now I'm not really sure what, if any, advice I could give that could serve to alleviate the problems presented by those young whipper-snappers. I mean, if I had some young punks around me, chatting away at the expense of my entertainment, I wouldn't have many options in dealing with such pests, and the measures that I would take to ensure silence aren't really legal anywhere.

[Nick K.]

He he, that sounds like my viewing of the movie tonight, as well.

And where'd you get that term? The blank from hell? (Curb reference)

[AndreaBeaumont]

I'm a said teenage girl but somehow the 'retardedness' that is so common in most nowadays seemed to skip over me and I choose friends that the 'illness' has skipped over as well. On one such occasion, I went to the theaters to see Spotless Mind...silly me to think an indie-esk film would lack such idiocy as you've listed above in your grievances...but low and behold after my friends and I had chosen our seats in come the typical flock of ghetto cheerleaders who sat a row down and a little to the left of us. The proceeded to do almost the exactly same things you've listed except they would ask loudly every 10 seconds, "Isn't Jim Carrey, like, supposed to be funny?!" Rath loudly and amusing only themselves...I had fun picking out the other annoyed couples and groups in close proximity to them..because I there was nothing else to do...CERTAINLY NOT actually WATCH the movie that I payed 9 dollars to see. Just as my friend, Niki, suggested maybe we should just leave and demand our money back and come back another day I'd had it...just they had asked, "When is this going to be funny?" I shot out of my seat so fast they turned to look at me. I then proceeded to yell: "You know what's funny?! I didn't know I was paying 9 dollarsto listen to a bunch of adolescent immature brats talk obnoxiously loud about what Bobby DID to Suzy at the the party last Friday...And also..I don't know WHO you think your posing questions to..because NEWS FLASH the movie can't talk back...it's not MEANT for conversing with..it's meant to watch...which no one within 30 feet of you can accomplish right now because you WON'T F------- SHUT UP!" I got appalause and they left.... I watched the rest of movie in peace but unfortunately had still missed the first 45 min of it...I ended up going back to a daytime showing on a Monday. Though I was still satisfied with telling them off and it ALMOST made it okay I missed the first 45 min...almost.

[Nightflower]

I'm a said teenage girl but somehow the 'retardedness' that is so common in most nowadays seemed to skip over me and I choose friends that the 'illness' has skipped over as well. On one such occasion, I went to the theaters to see Spotless Mind...silly me to think an indie-esk film would lack such idiocy as you've listed above in your grievances...but low and behold after my friends and I had chosen our seats in come the typical flock of ghetto cheerleaders who sat a row down and a little to the left of us. The proceeded to do almost the exactly same things you've listed except they would ask loudly every 10 seconds, "Isn't Jim Carrey, like, supposed to be funny?!" Rath loudly and amusing only themselves...I had fun picking out the other annoyed couples and groups in close proximity to them..because I there was nothing else to do...CERTAINLY NOT actually WATCH the movie that I payed 9 dollars to see. Just as my friend, Niki, suggested maybe we should just leave and demand our money back and come back another day I'd had it...just they had asked, "When is this going to be funny?" I shot out of my seat so fast they turned to look at me. I then proceeded to yell: "You know what's funny?! I didn't know I was paying 9 dollarsto listen to a bunch of adolescent immature brats talk obnoxiously loud about what Bobby DID to Suzy at the the party last Friday...And also..I don't know WHO you think your posing questions to..because NEWS FLASH the movie can't talk back...it's not MEANT for conversing with..it's meant to watch...which no one within 30 feet of you can accomplish right now because you WON'T F------- SHUT UP!" I got appalause and they left.... I watched the rest of movie in peace but unfortunately had still missed the first 45 min of it...I ended up going back to a daytime showing on a Monday. Though I was still satisfied with telling them off and it ALMOST made it okay I missed the first 45 min...almost.

That is so awesome!

Yeah, my friend and I had the misfortune of sitting
a) Next to aforesaid obnoxious teenaged girls and
b) Right behind loud-mouthed beer-bellied whooping 20-something frat guys

when we watched X2 last year. The former was a lot more annoying than the latter though.

[Lord Dalek]

I thought the packed house of six-year olds when I saw Sen to Chihiro was bad*.


*No idea about what movie they were hoping to see .

[Discloner]

People talking during the movie is my biggest pet peeve...it doesn't matter who they are, nor does it matter how old they are...if they talk while I'm trying to watch my movie I get extremely annoyed.

I had similar Problems as you when I went and saw Scary Movie 3 (although luckily it was the second time I'd seen it). Teenage guys decided they hated the lack of sexual jokes and characters smoking pot, so they started to forcably yell their laughter at anything ment to be slightly funny. When the movie was over I caught one of them saying "That was the stupidest movie I've ever seen", and I couldn't help wonder why someone would stick around to ruin it for everyone else as opposed to just leaving and doing something more productive with your time and money.

Movie prices are outrageous...people should have more curtosy then to talk during a film of which you've spent the greater part of you're paycheck on...factoring in food, and if you're paying for others.

I personally wouldn't be opposed to having Theaters keep attendents IN the theater. Piracy is apparently 'a reall big problem', well... if they had an attendent keeping an eye and an ear on the audience then it would be. If they're planning on continually jacking up the prices at the theaters, they might as well do something about the problems that just seem to be getting worse with each new release.

It's gotten so bad that I wait a week or two before seeing a movie now...if I see it at all. People talking during the movie can be a really souring experience and wind up ruining an otherwise great movie for you...when it shouldn't be a problem at all.

[SonGoku V3]

You know how to EASILY avoid this problem: see the matinee. Honestly, I used to be one of those loud annoying teens in the movie theater (maybe I just got bored with it, maybe I matured, I dunno), but I don't know why people think they're going to enjoy a quiet movie on a Friday or Saturday night when there is no one BUT loud annoying people (mostly teens) packing the theaters. Yes, it's wrong on the part of those said annoying people and theaters should really do something about it, but until then, I'd say the best way to sit down and really enjoy a movie without cellphone backlights, loud conversations during the movie, people talking to the screen, etc. - the best way to go is to see a matinee.

[True Noir]

That IS an audience from hell.

Sorry to hear about this. I really want to go see this movie, too. I know I'm a teenager, but seriously that is just annoying. I have a hard enough time trying to stand the indioticness(not a word I think) of people in my school. I hope I don't get stuck in the same situation as you.

[Mek]

You wanna know something REALLY bizzare?

I went to go see 'Hellboy' with my sis on opening weekend (it was her birthday), and after the horrible experience just getting to the theater (think 'Frogger', only in Maryland and on a bitterly cold April night), we were both horrified to discover that nearly 60% of the theater had kids that were about the 4-12 range. XO Thankfully, NONE of them even squabbled, cried or yelled anything during the film. A nice contrast to the experience we had just getting there... almost like it was a reward of sorts.

Sadly, I can't say the same for the times I went to see 'Harry Potter' films. Nevermind the fact I strongly dislike the series, but both times I "went" (okay, my mom and sis dragged me against my will to see 'em. Sorry, not a HP fan at all, and I've read all 5 books), there were these teenage brats who kept talking through the whole movie. Since then, I have not only vowed to NEVER watch another 'Harry Potter' movie again, I have also vowed never to see a movie in opening weekend unless it's one i'm desperate to see. ('Sky Captain' is the next one)

On that note, when I saw 'Fellowship of the Ring' with my dad, bro and sis back in 2001, this guy's cell phone went off during the scene /w Galadriel and Frodo. Several people yelled variations of: "TURN YOUR ****ING PHONE OFF, ASS!" XD The poor guy was so embarassed, he took his girlfriend and left the theater.

[Classic Speedy]

You know how to EASILY avoid this problem: see the matinee. Honestly, I used to be one of those loud annoying teens in the movie theater (maybe I just got bored with it, maybe I matured, I dunno), but I don't know why people think they're going to enjoy a quiet movie on a Friday or Saturday night when there is no one BUT loud annoying people (mostly teens) packing the theaters. Yes, it's wrong on the part of those said annoying people and theaters should really do something about it, but until then, I'd say the best way to sit down and really enjoy a movie without cellphone backlights, loud conversations during the movie, people talking to the screen, etc. - the best way to go is to see a matinee.

Yeah, I prefer going to a movie in the afternoon instead of the evening as well. Not only are the ticket prices $2 lower, but there isn't as big of a crowd (if any). Either that, or I go to one of those budget theatres that shows movies from half a year ago for only $2. That's how I saw The Ladykillers remake in June.

My bad movie experiences.... hmmm.... there was a guy in Pirates of the Caribbean who would clap at the stupidest of scenes (like when the bad guy gets hot coals dumped on his head). Also, Mr. Magoo was a bad enough of a movie in itself that it didn't need a rowdy crowd to be a bad experience. Oh yeah, and a baby would not shut up during Finding Nemo. Just take the baby outside!!!

[Mynd Hed]

It's funny, I usually don't seem to have a big problem with movie theatre audiences unless it's a kids' movie, and you kind of have to expect a certain amount of that. The only exception I can think of in recent memory was during Spider-Man 2, some fool of about fifteen years kept on jumping out of his seat and coming in and out of the theatre-- not something you can really complain about, I mean for all I knew he had a weak bladder or something, but distracting nonetheless. Then near the end of the movie he decided to leave for good, and felt he needed to announce this fact by saying, very loudly, "Isn't it over YET?" and ironically clapping his hands in parody of applause. I happened to agree with him about the way that movie dragged on, but that's still no excuse, so similar to Andrea's story, I loudly suggested that he perform a logistically impossible sex act on himself and got more applause from the rest of the audience than the movie itself got. This still didn't shut him up, and at that point I was about ready to hop up from my own seat and get physical with him, but that might have more to do with the fact that I snuck a flask into that particular film than anything else. (-:

Before then, the only time I had a real problem was when I went to see the Patriot. Some old lady behind me felt the need to say "Stuuuuuupid!" in a very smarmy and obnoxious tone of voice whenever she saw the British lining up in their perfect little formations. I wanted to tell her that, yes, it is stupid, the British lost the war in part because it was stupid, everyone in the theatre knows it's stupid, but nobody else feels the need to announce it and that if she wants to know WHY the British fought the war so stupidly, she should take a history class instead of watching a crappy Mel Gibson movie but regardless she should shut UP about it. Instead I turned around and politely requested that she keep it down. This didn't shut her up, of course, but the people she was with-- clearly people too tasteful and intelligent to be associated with such a rude skazbag-- were clearly embarrassed that she was making such an ass of herself and did the job of shushing her every time she opened her mouth after that. (Of course, even THIS didn't shut her up-- instead, she felt the need to ARGUE with the people she'd come with, saying, "I'm allowed to enjoy myself, too!" I really feel sorry for those people-- I can only assume that they were spending time with her under duress, perhaps being unfortunate enough to be related to her.)

But on the whole, I've had good experiences with movie audiences-- maybe because I tend to skip out on the opening night crowds except in a few circumstances (LotR movies, mostly) in which the rest of the audience is so nerdily devoted to the film that anyone who dares raise their voice doesn't get shushed, they get stoned to death with plastic tricorders. I prefer matinee showings for budgetary reasons, but the relative politeness of the audience is a wonderful side bonus.

[ScientificDemon]

Well recently I watched Bourne Supremacy (from which I concluded that Bond is a chump), and there were little kids (toddlers) there with their parents. And they began to cry. It was ten minutes into the movie, and then I turned and looked at the parents and asked incredulously "who would bring kids to this movie." The parents solemnly left, but the some of the audience looked at me kinda weird. Though others seemed pleased...

Edit:
OT:
I thought the strict military regiment was actually what gave the western world a distinct advantage over other countries. India had guns and cannons, but were not a match for, ironically, the British trained indians under the British command.

[ToOn~g@l]

My dad told me about how he went on a date with his wife to go see Titanic. He told me that the whole time this one lady behind him would not stop saying "Oh my God" or "Their going to do this or that" He said she acted like she had never heard the story or something. Finally he turned around and kindly told her to shut up. He said she gave him this surprised look as if she was not doing any thing but she did shut up.

I remember having an experience of seeing the Rugrats movie and every time the babies would make a poopie comment. The kids in the theatre would laugh so hard I could not hear anything else. I'm never seeing a kiddie movie like that again.

[True Noir]

Well recently I watched Bourne Supremacy (from which I concluded that Bond is a chump), and there were little kids (toddlers) there with their parents. And they began to cry. It was ten minutes into the movie, and then I turned and looked at the parents and asked incredulously "who would bring kids to this movie." The parents solemnly left, but the some of the audience looked at me kinda weird. Though others seemed pleased...

Well, I would be pleased to. I know you are probably a good person, but that does sound kind of rude at the same time. I would have worded that different. Past is the past.

[SilverKnight]

It was ten minutes into the movie, and then I turned and looked at the parents and asked incredulously "who would bring kids to this movie."

To which anyone in my family would've instantly replied, "You wanna f--king babysit him, as---le? I paid twenty five bucks for this s--t, so either deal with it or f--king leave."

Anywho, I've never had the audience from Hell experience, but then, it seems that most of the movies I see on opening night (or in the opening week) are usually the devotedly nerdy types that don't want their concentration shattered. Or I just got lucky.

[The Guitar Slayer]

My mom and sister consider me the audience from hell, which is inaccurate. I'm one of those types that doesn't get caught up in the movie at all; I'm watching a film on a screen inside of an air-conditioned theatre. I don't do an MST3K gig or an RHPS affair. It's just that I don't get emotionally attached to the movie like they do, and that irks the hell out of them when they look over at me and I'm just watching.

My two major theatre offenses were Titanic and The Passion. During Titanic (I'm not spoilerizing this because it was seen by everyone and their sister), when Jack bit the dust, I cheered. Yep. I thought it was already overrated; great visual effects and history behind it, but not much of a script or characterization. James Cameron's visual genius managed to overshadow his shortcomings on the script, so I was thrilled when it was all over. Finally! I was reward with elbows from either side.

During the Passion, my sister cursed at me because I was eating popcorn during the scourging scene. Terribly ironic, considering the choice of curse she used and the movie we were watching. Like I said before, I don't usually get caught up in movies, and the Passion was a movie, and my trained reflex is to munch away on theatre popcorn. So I was stonewalled in the car on the way home by both my mother and my sister.

Not that I minded

[Daredevil_2003]

I had to deal with a similar audience the first time I went to see Spidey 2, Andy. Thankfully they only acted like jackasses for a few mins, but it was a very annoying few minutes.

[Harley]

I occasionally wonder to myself if there are personally tailored hells. If there are, mine will be sitting in a movie theater chair, bleacher seats at a baseball game or an airplane seat and getting kicked in the back repeatedly by children.