TimTwoFace
12-24-2003, 01:12 AM
About a week ago I posted a Batman-themed 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' poem. I've got another one to celebrate the holiday, based on the style of the Cantebury Tales - also Bat-themed, of course. Enjoy! :)
GRINCHES OF GOTHAM
-by Tim "Two-Face" Leighton
Ev'ry citizen of Gotham liked Christmas a lot,
But deep within Arkham were those who did not.
While Christmas, to most, brought holiday cheer,
Our beloved inmates only brought forth jeer.
A break-out has happened, and promptly in time,
For each of the inmates, speaking in rhyme,
To tell their tragic tale and reason
For absolutely despising the holiday season.
Bane was the first to evade the walls
Of Arkham and enter Gotham, starting up brawls.
Ne'er was there a Christmas since his youthful age
Had he not felt an overwhelming rage.
He lost his father, and mother, and was all alone;
In this cheerful season, he felt like a drone.
A killer, too true, he still had a heart,
And wished for a family of which to be part.
Next, Firefly headed to the record store,
Where he could find music and games galore!
A new album of Cassidy had been released;
Oh, how he hated her now - her life must be ceased!
His desire's object had hurt him and spurned;
He must retaliate for this third-degree burn!
All alone on Christmas without his dear,
He vowed to destroy this temptress' career.
With emotions ablaze, Poison Ivy left
For the Christmas tree lot, no intent of theft,
But rather to save her enslaved race
From serving humans as decorations. What a disgrace!
For hundreds of years, plants grown just to be
Cut down and sold about now as a "Christmas Tree".
It's bio-ocide on the most horrific scale!
She must save her trees, and she couldn't fail!
Then on her way, was the smallest of all,
The little brat-girl known as Baby-Doll.
Scorned by a Santa at the mall in her past;
He didn't fulfill his promises. She was aghast!
He had to pay for the lies he had told -
Lying to a child - his soul has been sold!
What she wouldn't give for that Barbie and Ken -
She still wants it now, just as she did then.
The Mad Hatter always had a thing to say
About this most upsetting holiday.
Once as a child, there once was a wretch
Dressed in a Santa hat that attacked Jervis Tetch.
That hat he wished he could have controlled,
But as a shy boy, he couldn't be bold.
From that day forward, he hated this gift-giving season,
Scarring by that incident, his only reason.
"Bah Humbug" the Penguin said from within his club,
Upon doing his books for this criminal hub.
"I'm fifty grand in the hole, that's no sense to me!
Have Jay, Lark, and Raven been giving to charity?"
They certainly had, to keep Penguin's legit cover;
Nearly blown once before, they dared not have another!
Without his finances all set into gear,
The Penguin could not rest at this time of the year.
Victor and Nora once shared Christmas Eve
As their wedding night, when their souls did weave.
But now, gone afar, she's out of his life.
Mr. Freeze could not accept not having his wife.
Though happily married to another man,
This cold-blooded individual had a plan.
He'd stalk his wife to her new house that night,
And with her new husband, ensure she's all right.
Twelve O'Clock midnight; the alarm didn't ring
Many years ago for a youthful Clock King.
He set his alarm so he'd catch a view
Of Santa as he crept from the fireplace, through
Into his living room with a bag of gifts.
His clock let him down - for that, he's quite miffed.
Perhaps if he escapes Arkham in time,
He'll catch that glimpse finally, after the twelve chimes.
Six hundred Christmasses or more he had seen
During his life thus far. Ra's Al Ghul wasn't keen
On such commercially-driven holidays.
There need be some spirituality to interest Ra's.
"Perhaps when the people lay asleep in their beds,
I'll hatch my master plan," said the Demon's Head.
He'd return the earth to a natural state,
And set December 25th as the date.
"It's A Wonderful Life" was the name of the movie
that Clayface starred in. It was hardly groovy.
Bashed by the critics and the fans alike,
Calling this remake pointless, silly, and trite.
Every Christmas since, the spurning ate away
At the disintegrating Matt Hagen. Oh, what a display!
Perhaps he could gain the respect of the public once more
With a public display of his talents. He'd have his encore!
Some get a lump of coal - but not Killer Croc.
One Christmas all he received was a rock.
He'd had quite enough as a one-gimmick type villain!
The joke was so old - so who'd he be killin'?
He had a brain too, didn't they recognize
That you can be smart as well as have immense size?
This Alligator Bag had a bone to pick
With whomever was this prankster Saint Nick.
Why'd Maxie Zeus care, is a question we're beggin',
If he obviously is a fully-functional pagan?
He doesn't celebrate Christmas, or New Year's, even.
His outward appearance is totally deceivin'.
This is why he is rather upset with this day -
No one any more observes pagan holidays.
To Gotham he'd provide his culture's background and news -
And they would, in return, all worship Maxie Zeus.
With no one did Catwoman have a bone to pick,
But she'd take this opportunity - and she'd do it quick -
To ransack the city of valuable goods,
Then sneak down chimneys in the slums and hoods,
Delivering wealth to the poor and the poorer.
She would be Gotham's Christmas Eve warrior.
If she were, by chance, snared by the Batman,
She'd feel no guilt; for once, she was helping her follow man.
Puzzles and problems had always intrigued
The Riddler greatly. He was in his own league.
But the mystery of Santa, Jesus, or both the two
Perplexed him to no end. What could he do
To prove that a fat man could fit down a chimney
Or that Jesus even existed. Oh criminey!
He'd search all through Gotham for concrete proof
That his puzzled mind had not gone aloof.
Calendar Girl felt especially dirty
For the Christmas Eve on which she turned thirty.
During that year her career downturned,
Her agents neglected her, and by critics, spurned.
Her first gift unwrapped was a magnificent sweater -
But two sizes too big - BIGGER WAS NOT BETTER!
As her body continued to sag and age,
She remembered that Christmas, mixed with sadness and rage.
The Ventriloquist remembers that Eve in hiding
Where he and Rhino were quietly biding
Their time, laying low for the holidays.
The warehouse was cold - they lacked fiery blaze.
To keep warm Rhino thought with his little mind
To burn the first thing he could possibly find.
He accidentally used the Scarface puppet, of course -
And Wesker much teach him a lesson, make him show remorse!
As Harley Quinn gleefully leapt over Arkham's walls,
She parted from the pack, headed for Gotham's malls,
With one thing on her mind: LAST MINUTE SHOPPING!
But she would be the last one to be dropping.
Once overcharged at a department store,
She sought her credit card's revenge - and there was more.
To keep all the shoppers from fraud like hers in the past,
She'd gas the mall, stopping fraud at last!
Burglars and thieves scared Scarecrow as a child,
When he lay in bed, dreaming, meek and mild.
Santa was no different, for he broke in, too.
Of course, this was fake, as Scarecrow now knew.
It was now his mission to make children pause
And believe they truly feared Santa Claus.
Destroying the hope of the youths of the season,
With his sick, twisted pleasure as the only reason!
Two-Face's Christmas feelings depends on the coin -
And this year bad heads has shown up. Oh, such joy.
One year, while on "Good Heads" he accidentally donated
His coin to the Salvation Army - they couldn't be separated!
If it took all night, he would find it again -
And only then would his mind finally mend.
To find his original coin, evil plans he devises,
All because his new coin forced his heart to shrink two sizes.
Purposely last, and for only one reason,
The Joker, escaped. He thought Christmas was treason!
The smiles on the children chilled him to the bone -
Nothing could make them smile but him alone!
A commercial holiday was standing up his act -
He'd destroy the Christmas spirit, and that was a fact!
The city would only smile when he desired,
And quickly, the Joker had a devil's plan conspired.
And as all our friends and foes from within the jail
Escape into Gotham, without any bail,
Batman and his crew keep watch over the town.
They'd keep the city safe from anything bad going down.
The peaceful night would remain undisturbed
From the downtown core to every suburb.
Nothing could keep Christmas from arriving,
No matter how hard these Arkhamites would be trying.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
GRINCHES OF GOTHAM
-by Tim "Two-Face" Leighton
Ev'ry citizen of Gotham liked Christmas a lot,
But deep within Arkham were those who did not.
While Christmas, to most, brought holiday cheer,
Our beloved inmates only brought forth jeer.
A break-out has happened, and promptly in time,
For each of the inmates, speaking in rhyme,
To tell their tragic tale and reason
For absolutely despising the holiday season.
Bane was the first to evade the walls
Of Arkham and enter Gotham, starting up brawls.
Ne'er was there a Christmas since his youthful age
Had he not felt an overwhelming rage.
He lost his father, and mother, and was all alone;
In this cheerful season, he felt like a drone.
A killer, too true, he still had a heart,
And wished for a family of which to be part.
Next, Firefly headed to the record store,
Where he could find music and games galore!
A new album of Cassidy had been released;
Oh, how he hated her now - her life must be ceased!
His desire's object had hurt him and spurned;
He must retaliate for this third-degree burn!
All alone on Christmas without his dear,
He vowed to destroy this temptress' career.
With emotions ablaze, Poison Ivy left
For the Christmas tree lot, no intent of theft,
But rather to save her enslaved race
From serving humans as decorations. What a disgrace!
For hundreds of years, plants grown just to be
Cut down and sold about now as a "Christmas Tree".
It's bio-ocide on the most horrific scale!
She must save her trees, and she couldn't fail!
Then on her way, was the smallest of all,
The little brat-girl known as Baby-Doll.
Scorned by a Santa at the mall in her past;
He didn't fulfill his promises. She was aghast!
He had to pay for the lies he had told -
Lying to a child - his soul has been sold!
What she wouldn't give for that Barbie and Ken -
She still wants it now, just as she did then.
The Mad Hatter always had a thing to say
About this most upsetting holiday.
Once as a child, there once was a wretch
Dressed in a Santa hat that attacked Jervis Tetch.
That hat he wished he could have controlled,
But as a shy boy, he couldn't be bold.
From that day forward, he hated this gift-giving season,
Scarring by that incident, his only reason.
"Bah Humbug" the Penguin said from within his club,
Upon doing his books for this criminal hub.
"I'm fifty grand in the hole, that's no sense to me!
Have Jay, Lark, and Raven been giving to charity?"
They certainly had, to keep Penguin's legit cover;
Nearly blown once before, they dared not have another!
Without his finances all set into gear,
The Penguin could not rest at this time of the year.
Victor and Nora once shared Christmas Eve
As their wedding night, when their souls did weave.
But now, gone afar, she's out of his life.
Mr. Freeze could not accept not having his wife.
Though happily married to another man,
This cold-blooded individual had a plan.
He'd stalk his wife to her new house that night,
And with her new husband, ensure she's all right.
Twelve O'Clock midnight; the alarm didn't ring
Many years ago for a youthful Clock King.
He set his alarm so he'd catch a view
Of Santa as he crept from the fireplace, through
Into his living room with a bag of gifts.
His clock let him down - for that, he's quite miffed.
Perhaps if he escapes Arkham in time,
He'll catch that glimpse finally, after the twelve chimes.
Six hundred Christmasses or more he had seen
During his life thus far. Ra's Al Ghul wasn't keen
On such commercially-driven holidays.
There need be some spirituality to interest Ra's.
"Perhaps when the people lay asleep in their beds,
I'll hatch my master plan," said the Demon's Head.
He'd return the earth to a natural state,
And set December 25th as the date.
"It's A Wonderful Life" was the name of the movie
that Clayface starred in. It was hardly groovy.
Bashed by the critics and the fans alike,
Calling this remake pointless, silly, and trite.
Every Christmas since, the spurning ate away
At the disintegrating Matt Hagen. Oh, what a display!
Perhaps he could gain the respect of the public once more
With a public display of his talents. He'd have his encore!
Some get a lump of coal - but not Killer Croc.
One Christmas all he received was a rock.
He'd had quite enough as a one-gimmick type villain!
The joke was so old - so who'd he be killin'?
He had a brain too, didn't they recognize
That you can be smart as well as have immense size?
This Alligator Bag had a bone to pick
With whomever was this prankster Saint Nick.
Why'd Maxie Zeus care, is a question we're beggin',
If he obviously is a fully-functional pagan?
He doesn't celebrate Christmas, or New Year's, even.
His outward appearance is totally deceivin'.
This is why he is rather upset with this day -
No one any more observes pagan holidays.
To Gotham he'd provide his culture's background and news -
And they would, in return, all worship Maxie Zeus.
With no one did Catwoman have a bone to pick,
But she'd take this opportunity - and she'd do it quick -
To ransack the city of valuable goods,
Then sneak down chimneys in the slums and hoods,
Delivering wealth to the poor and the poorer.
She would be Gotham's Christmas Eve warrior.
If she were, by chance, snared by the Batman,
She'd feel no guilt; for once, she was helping her follow man.
Puzzles and problems had always intrigued
The Riddler greatly. He was in his own league.
But the mystery of Santa, Jesus, or both the two
Perplexed him to no end. What could he do
To prove that a fat man could fit down a chimney
Or that Jesus even existed. Oh criminey!
He'd search all through Gotham for concrete proof
That his puzzled mind had not gone aloof.
Calendar Girl felt especially dirty
For the Christmas Eve on which she turned thirty.
During that year her career downturned,
Her agents neglected her, and by critics, spurned.
Her first gift unwrapped was a magnificent sweater -
But two sizes too big - BIGGER WAS NOT BETTER!
As her body continued to sag and age,
She remembered that Christmas, mixed with sadness and rage.
The Ventriloquist remembers that Eve in hiding
Where he and Rhino were quietly biding
Their time, laying low for the holidays.
The warehouse was cold - they lacked fiery blaze.
To keep warm Rhino thought with his little mind
To burn the first thing he could possibly find.
He accidentally used the Scarface puppet, of course -
And Wesker much teach him a lesson, make him show remorse!
As Harley Quinn gleefully leapt over Arkham's walls,
She parted from the pack, headed for Gotham's malls,
With one thing on her mind: LAST MINUTE SHOPPING!
But she would be the last one to be dropping.
Once overcharged at a department store,
She sought her credit card's revenge - and there was more.
To keep all the shoppers from fraud like hers in the past,
She'd gas the mall, stopping fraud at last!
Burglars and thieves scared Scarecrow as a child,
When he lay in bed, dreaming, meek and mild.
Santa was no different, for he broke in, too.
Of course, this was fake, as Scarecrow now knew.
It was now his mission to make children pause
And believe they truly feared Santa Claus.
Destroying the hope of the youths of the season,
With his sick, twisted pleasure as the only reason!
Two-Face's Christmas feelings depends on the coin -
And this year bad heads has shown up. Oh, such joy.
One year, while on "Good Heads" he accidentally donated
His coin to the Salvation Army - they couldn't be separated!
If it took all night, he would find it again -
And only then would his mind finally mend.
To find his original coin, evil plans he devises,
All because his new coin forced his heart to shrink two sizes.
Purposely last, and for only one reason,
The Joker, escaped. He thought Christmas was treason!
The smiles on the children chilled him to the bone -
Nothing could make them smile but him alone!
A commercial holiday was standing up his act -
He'd destroy the Christmas spirit, and that was a fact!
The city would only smile when he desired,
And quickly, the Joker had a devil's plan conspired.
And as all our friends and foes from within the jail
Escape into Gotham, without any bail,
Batman and his crew keep watch over the town.
They'd keep the city safe from anything bad going down.
The peaceful night would remain undisturbed
From the downtown core to every suburb.
Nothing could keep Christmas from arriving,
No matter how hard these Arkhamites would be trying.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!