Scenes From A Hat: Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

[candy17]

There go the lights again...

Ya' know...there's big money in kidneys...and this guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

What the hell is that?

Man, am I baked! (*bursts into giggles*)

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

[Brandon Pierce]

NURSE 1: "Anyway, I can't find it. I think my wedding ring's in.... in him !"
NURSE 2: "Oh, don't worry. We'll get it later."

[Meow]

1. Whoops!

2. How'd that get there?

3. Which one am I supposed to cut again?

4. Achoooooooooo!

[Jade_GL]

This doesn't look like ANYTHING in the text book.

Nurse! Get my copy of "Surgery for Dummies" and quickly!

*pssst* Hey, nurse... Is it supposed to go here, or here? I can never remember. Oh well... Eenie, Meenie....

Don't worry! I saw this on ER last week and read a Talkback thread online. I SO know what I'm doing.

[Sue_Jackson]

Surgeon: "Oops.....I hope this guy plans on adopting if he wants kids."


Surgeon: "Uh-oh......this guy does have another leg....right?"


Surgeon: "Now......which organ is the liver again? Dang. I knew I shouldn't have cheated on my biology tests when I was in college. I really do stink at this biology stuff."

[Barb Gordon]

*singing* "The knee bones connected to the...."

"Well that's something I haven't seen before."

"God to I have one heck of a hang over from last night, woo!"

"Nurse, do you recall if it's good or bad if that turns that color?"

~Barb

[Patrick Bateman]

Surgeon A: "You want to grab a bite for lunch?"
Surgeon B: "Sure, just as soon as he croaks."

[Rune]

"Hey, this is great! Normally I'm only allowed to dissect frogs"

"Let's prise out that gold tooth and tell him he must've swallowed it during the op"

"Hey! I recognise him! It's the guy my wife left me for!"

"Um ... have you seen that movie with Sigourney Weaver? Well I think we'd better prepare this guy for bad news..."

[Sue_Jackson]

Nurse: "Hey......what's that long beeping sound?"

Surgeon: "I think it's coming from that gadget with that little screen where it's showing that long, flat green line."

Nurse: "Well.....can you shut it off? It's giving me headache."

Surgeon: "Sure thing."

^_^

[Thundercleese]

"The neck bones connected to the.......uhhh....conencted to the.....hold I know this....."

[Jaguar]

"Pass the salt."
"I just got my degree, so be ready."
"*sigh* I need to take a five. Your brain can wait."

[shogunthethird]

"paging Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Lechter"
"Ooooo, what does this organ do?"
"DEE-DEE! Get out of my ER!"
"I'll prove to you all a man can live without lungs right now!"

[Legolas's_Woman]

Whooooaaaaaaaaaa----whats that?

oops-- i thought that was the liver

ummmmm- nurse-- what do you use this tool for? (picks up the schapel)
nurse--- ummmm i don't know


ewwwwwwwwwww, yuck, i think i'm gonna be sick-- um i need to go and lie down before i barf my brownies

[The Dork Knight]

The neck bones connected to the leg bone. The leg bones connected to the wrist bone....

- The Dork Knight

[Boy Wonder]

How much money do you have?

I am afraid I put a Junior Mint in your body!

Die stupid person die!

[Sue_Jackson]

Nurse: "Patient is under anesthesia, Doctor."

Surgeon: "Oh.....good. Now.....I say we take whipped cream, and squirt it in his ears and his mouth."

[Lucky Bob]

1: *sniff* Aaahh....aaaaaahhhh.....
2: Cool! Now, can you make his leg twitch?

[pabcool]

"I need beer." *clicking sound* *sound of liquid spilling* "It hit 'im... Right in da liver."

[TimTwoFace]

"What the hell is that?"

[Sue_Jackson]

"Do you like white meat or dark meat?"

[Floydian Slip]

"allright, this is the last time i drink before surgery"
"oops, wrong hole"

[TimTwoFace]

"I'm colour-blind. I can't tell between the red stuff and the green stuff."

*SHUDDER*

-Tim

[samurai_miaka]

"Whooo... What does this do?"

"Now, let's see... what kind of surgery are we supposed to be performing again?"

*snip* *snip* *squirt* "Oops!"

[Matthew Hunter]

"Whoops!-*splat*- Oh...wait....ten second rule!!"
-Matthew

[serenitymoon]

Who need's medical school when you've got Operation by Milton Bradley?

"The operation was a complete success. I've never had an appendix removal go so well..." "Uh, doctor, you were supposed to do open-heart surgery!" "Is that a fact? Am I bad?"

[StarScream64]

"Oh, so that's where my watch went..."

"Lunch break, everyone!"

"Ooops. No problem, I'm sure I'll get it right the next time."

Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

[Kaiser0120]

"Oooo, look at all the pretty colors."

"Hey, look what happens when I squeeze the colon! Cool, huh?"

"Is... is that a fetus?"

"Stick a fork in him, he's done."

"You know, I faint at the first sight of-- *Thud*"

[Jerry Mouse]

"The something's connected to the something...the something's connected to the red thing....the red thing's connected to my wrist watch.....uh-oh"!!

"Oh <S Word>" (my grandfather ACTUALLY DID hear the doctor say that when he had Cataract surgery)

"Anybody think I can do this blindfolded"?

[Samurai Karasu]

ok You are number 452....I mean um...hi Im dave.

What is that Red thing that's shaped like those yummy candys.

WOOH I hope you have good medical insurance

[SilverKnight]

1) Oops. Pretend you didn't feel that.
2) Now, what we gon' do is... (I know, I stole from Jeff Foxworthy.)

[StarScream64]

Surgeon: "Some times, I feel I have to.." beep beep "get away, I have to..." beep beep "get away from the things I looove!"

[Alaskanbullworm]

"Two eyes? Heck, you can still see with just one."

*Doctor puts on leather mask*
*hears the sound of a chainsaw*

"Hell, we don't need Anisthetics."

"Woah, call all of the doctors in here. They have to check this thing out!"

[Mike Spartz]

Doctor: um, sir I'm sory but i'm afraid I have to remore your organ of copulation.

Doctor: um, were do I make the cut?

Doctor: oh god, I think I just ruptured this guys aorta artery...SOMEONE CALL THE AMBULENCE!

Doctor: Nurse, where are my glasses?

[Sue_Jackson]

Surgeon: "Oooh....we'll get good money for these kidneys in the black market. Hey.....I bet we could get top dollar on that liver, too."

[DianaGohan]

Oops, dropped a knife in there! Well it's okay, it goes with the previous fork and spoon that was in the stomach.

[sag_2002]

(Taken from a Jeff Foxworthy sketch)

Southern Doctor: Alright, now what we gonna do is, saw the top of yer head off, ring 'round there with a stick, see if we can't find that dad-burned clot.

You: No thanks, I'll just die.

Again taken from Jeff Foxworthy, but meh.

[Zechs]

Holy crap is it supposed to do that?

[Catlover]

"Time for lunch. Nurse, do you remember where I put the Fava Beans?"

[panther3751]

You leave one sandwich in a man's skull, ONE SANDWICH, and they demote you to standard open-heart surgery. . . . .




(borrowing from Pete and Pete. :sweat: )

[Sue_Jackson]

Colonel O'Neill: "What have we got, Doc?"

Dr. Fraiser: "Well....Sir.....I'm not sure. I opened the stomach of this person, and I found this alien life-form inside. Looks like some kind of symbiote...or parasite."

Colonel O'Neill: "Could this be the Goa'uld?"

Dr. Fraiser: "I think so, Sir. I believe it's possessing this person's body and mind."

{DISCLAIMER: Characters, Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Fraiser are from the TV show, Stargate: SG1} ;)

[The Detective]

Surgeon: Well I'm quite excited about this surgery. You see this is my first brain surgery ever!

Doctor: Where are we supposed to cut again?
Nurse: I don't know!
Doctor: Oh well we'll just cut here and take a look around.

Doctor: Are you sure that's supposed to do that?

[StarScream64]

SURGEON:"Hey look, this is real cool. Open...close....open...close-- waitaminute, is that SUPPOSED to be able to open?"

SURGEON: "Whoo-hoo! Pizza's here!"

[Kenshin]

april fools! im not a doctor!

[Anime 51]

"What are you - hey, that is not food! Put it back!:mad: "

"Uh... it's a good thing I have malpractice insurance."

"Y'know, I've been thinking. Why do this crappy job when we can steal organs and sell them? Let's start with these ones!"

[Alex Toon]

"The big bone's connected..to the..little bone. The little bone'sconnected..to the red thing. The red's connected to..my wristwatch. Um, oy vey"

The birth-giving scene fron Alien: enough said :)

[Fatneck]

"Whoa, why does this guy have two lungs? We'll have to do something about that..."

"Ewwwwwww"

"Don't worry, guy. You're in the best of hands. I've had 3 wins, 1 loss, and 2 ties."

[NozeNuggets]

[singing] "Oops, I did it again..."

[Weatherman]

Anything ie: Anesthesia failed
"Ohhhh.............it's you"

"Where's the Stoli?! I can't work without my Stoli!!"

"Hey, check out how far this thing can strech!"

"My mom died this morning, my husband's got cancer and my dog barfed in my shoes....bu otherwise I'm fine"

[NASACAR]

Git 'R Done

[Spideyzilla]

"I can fix it!"
"What's that red liquid?"
"WHOOPS!"
"We're on a low budget, but are dedicated to fine care. We only use scalpels that haven't be washed in a month."
"This could hurt."

[Jave]

Sorry, but this thread is way old.

Feel free to start a new one.