Crazy.......Divorce?

[Moonbay]

My parents fight about every day........ it's starting to get scary. Very. I hear my mother crying a lot. I've even caught a bruise on her. My younger siblings are terrified, I know it. My dogs hide under couches and beds. I wish they *would* get a divorce, just to put every one out of their misery. I use to hope they wouldn't, but now I just cant take it anymore.

The house is becoming a mess, and I hear the phone ringing constantly from my dad. I can't help but mope around in school... I keep ditching my homework and hide in the shower from the yelling. I'm pathetic, I know.

Just now the phone rang, and my mom left saying "I'm going out....ANSWER THE PHONE!" And I did... It was my dad. He said I had to call him when she returned. He said "Don't forget!!!" My Mother would not approve.... and he keeps calling back asking if she's back. It's driving me nuts!!! Does anyone have any advice? My friends don't seem to care. Arrgghhh!! Should say something to them?

Oh, and I found a telephone recorder hidden under my desk....it wasn't there before, and I recall my dad being in here not too long ago... !___________!;;;;; I know something's up. I've heard 5 AM fights before, and its about something my dad did that shocked me...

[ZorBrak]

:eek: Aww that's horrible...I'm so sorry! ::hugs:: things sound like they are getting quite nasty though...I don't know much of what to tell you >_<. Just try to live the best you can for yourself, and definitely talk to a counselor at school tomorrow. To be honest, this sounds like things could escalate if you don't tell an adult (edit: but not your parents...someone else) so don't keep silent about it.

[Patrick Bateman]

Wow, I'm real sorry to hear that. But one thing I would NOT do is say anything about it to either one of them. Their anger towards the situation will carry over to you, though likely inadvertant. It's best to let them sort it out themselves. The best thing you can do is get some help for yourself. Find an escape, or way to deal with it (such as hobbies, I'm not saying "go do drugs" or something). Also, try to make things better for your siblings. Just be extra nice to them, and ask them to do things with you. It'll be good for them and you.

[Calico]

Aw, that's really terrible Moonbay. *hugs!* I can tell you that marriage is very stressful, and it appears that your folks have reached a possible breaking point. For their (and your) sake, I hope that they either 1.) seek out professional help to iron out their differences amicably, or 2.) separate to give themselves and you some peace at home. This sort of behavior isn't any good for anyone involved. As for yourself, go talk to your school counselor; that's what they're there for and they'll help you cope with the strife a lot better. It may not be a good idea to confront your parents directly, but you know them the best. You could always explain how uncomfortable their behavior is making you. Maybe they don't realize how you're seeing them. Anyway, good luck, and I really hope things work out for the best in your family :)

[Joe Tully]

I don't really know what to say, other than that I feel sad and scared for you. :( I think ZorBrak has a good idea about talking to the school counselor or maybe your parents, but I think I'd probably be scared to do that if I were in your shoes. It sounds like the situation is really getting out of control and is going to get worse before it gets better.

[Digu Volz]

This is definitely not healthy and, I'm sorry to say, the sooner your parents separate it'll be the better for all involved. Counseling is the only other option, but it doesn't seem like either one of them would be willing to go in. I wouldn't mind being wrong, though.

I think that you will have to say something eventually, they're drawing you into it one way or another, but it's up to you when. If things get worse (or even if they stay the same), contact the police, a counsellor, or a social worker (which the counsellor could probably refer you to). I wouldn't want to see this escalate into anything more damaging and I sincerely hope it doesn't, so take care of yourself.

And you're not pathetic. The only way you would be is if you pretended nothing was happening at all.

[Weatherman]

*gives Moonbay a big hug*

It sounds like you and your siblings really need to get out of the house if this gets worse. Do you have any relatives or trusted family friends you could stay with for a few days?

I really hope you can get out of this alright. :(

[Reed Richards]

if there is abuse involved, you should contact family services immediatly. Do you have an aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa you and your siblings could go and stay with? Your family should definatly know whats going on in your house. As for the recorder, I don't know what to tell you. He has a right (I suppose) to record conversations occuring in his house. I would unplug it or find someway to break it (accidentally spilling a drink inside it perhaps?)

Hope this helps.

Good luck.

[Outlander00]

*gives Moonbay a big hug* Fighting and abuse is hard for anyone to witness, epsecially if you are young. Unfortunately, its a harsh reality that more and more households are experiencing. When a lot of people get married, they never realize that it takes morethan love for it to work properly.

You need to tell someone outside of the house so that at least you can share your feelings and feel a little bit better about yourself. From the sound of it, the arguing and actions of your father are abusive (remember, verbal and emotional abuse are still abuse) and therefore, someone needs to know. I can tell you that if you do need to talk, we are all here for you.

As far as the recorder, well water always works well with electronics ;)

[ZorBrak]

I'm not so sure you should touch the recorder....leave it where it is. It's important that you try to stay out of the crossfire, you don't know what might happen when your dad finds it broken, or how he will react. Just tell an adult outside of the house as soon as possible.

[James]

Don't get involved, don't take it personally and hope that one way or another their relationship is rectified. Don't let either suck you into their battle.

It's horrible when this sort of thing happens - especially if you are stuck in the middle. Coming from a divorced family (to the extent I don't talk to my father's side) there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Sounds like the two need some time apart to come to terms over their relationship and stop letting it spill onto everyone elses life.

[batboy2001]

Ah, that all really sucks. :( I know how you feel, been there (and occasionaly still revisit there...). I don't really know what to tell you. The net is a good escape. Have any really good close friends you can trust? Just try to stay out of the crossfire as has already been stated.

[Moonbay]

Thank you for the support, guys. ^.^ I'm still a little scared of my dad. He calls and says in a strange voice, "Are you guys alone in the house?" Freaky!!! Like something from Scream or something.... !.! I'm mixed about the recorder.... I pulled it out from under the desk, but didn't unplug it or break it, but mabey my mom will notice it?(I keep my wires and whatnot behind there anyways...) Oh well. My mom talks about leaving him, right in front of us. Ugh. And my dad's been doing something about steriods, I *think*. Not sure, though. :rolleyes:

[ninjagirl]

I just wanted to post to let you know you'll be in my prayers. That is a really bad situation to be in.

[JohnCrichton]

I know what you're going through, so I sincerely sympathize Moonbay..... :(

Wish there were something one of us could do.

[Clayface]

The best advice I've heard is to go talk to a counselor about this. They can help you deal with it emotionally, and may be able to help withthe situation at home, depending on how out of control it is.

[Supreme]

I hope you're not joking about this, because that would be pathetic. that last post of yours (to me) seems a little contrived.

Are they your birth parents? They're really screwed up! How old are they?
Regardless, you need to get to the police right away. You are being abused, regardless of physical contact. That kind of behavior in front of you is not safe for your sanity.

Good luck!

[Moonbay]

They are my birth parents, Supreme. I don't think I should go to the police, nothing *that* serious is going on. I think my parents want us to know they dislike each other. Like they don't want us to be clueless.... I dunno. Mabey I am being selfish. I shouldn't bother with any of this, it's their decision on what they want to do.... I shouldn't care. :D :D Nobody worry about me, though! Everything will be ok. I look back at the yesterdays, and forget about it by doing something else. But what I do worry about is never seeing my cousin again. :rolleyes:

[Singin' Stray Cat]

But...but I am worried... =X

I'd still talk to a counselor if you haven't already, just so you can have someone to talk to and sort out your feelings with.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Originally posted by Moonbay
They are my birth parents, Supreme. I don't think I should go to the police, nothing *that* serious is going on.

You just said that you saw bruises on your mother. If true, that seems pretty serious to me.

[Joe Tully]

I really really think that you should talk to a counselor. You shouldn't be finding bruises on your mom, or be so scared that you're not getting homework done and hiding in the shower. That's a pretty big sign that you need to change something.

The situation is going to get worse unless you do something, even if it is something that you are not completely comfortable with. And then something might happen and you could regret doing nothing. Sorry to sound so ominous, but I can't see any good coming from just letting this stuff go on without talking to anyone about it. You shouldn't have to live your life being scared like that all of the time, and it's not good for anyone in your family either.

[Moonbay]

I'm pretty used to the idea, nowadays.... the bruises were a while ago, but she said she "fell." I never believed it, but what if it's true? And the old hole in the wall, or the tipped over plants.... the dogs must have done it. I can't accuse my parents of something I don't have evidence on..... but I feel pretty ok now that my dad isn't here. But perhaps I will talk to the PALs people(where students are the counselors.) I'll just wait and see what happens around here.

[ZorBrak]

Waiting to see what happens around there is not a good idea. I know you want to believe all the excuses you've been given or have come up with. The bruises, the hole, and so forth...that doesn't sound like a bunch of accidents, sorry but it doesn't. I've known quite a few guys to throw temper tantrums toward women..and even hit their girlfriends. It's something I see all too often, and something that disgusts me. If you're wrong....and the plants weren't just the dogs, and the bruises weren't just your mom falling, you might really regret what happens while you "wait and see". I really hate to be harsh but I must. You need to talk to an adult immediately. I'm sorry about all this, but you can't just pretend like it's not there, but you also can't let yourself get in their crossfire. :(

[Digu Volz]

And you don't have to accuse them of anything. They're making it obvious enough themselves that it isn't a healthy environment and the counsellor will see that.

[Shnay]

Originally posted by Moonbay
I'm pathetic, I know.

Please, please don't ever believe this. This is NOT your fault, and your reaction is NOT pathetic. You are dealing with an incredibly tough situation that you are NOT responsible for causing. This is a situation where the actions of others (your father) are negatively effecting everything and everyone around you.

As others have said, you need to talk to an adult. There is no two ways about it, I'm afraid. This is a grave situation (as I'm sure you're aware) and the only way it's going to get better is if you tell someone who can help. It really sucks that you are going to have to be the mature one here, but that's the way it worked out, and you've got to be the one to take action.

It's probably not going to be easy. Describing this situation over the Internet is one thing, but going to a school counselor (which I think is your best course of action) and describing the terrible and scary things happening is another. The "PALs" are a good start, and could be great for emotional support, but you really need to get in contact with an adult or authority figure.

Could all of those events you described just be a coincidence? Perhaps, but it's not too likely. Besides, if you talk to a counselor, he or she will make it their responsibility to find out the truth. They're trained in this kind of stuff, and will be able to take some of the strain and pressure off of you.

And this obviously IS effecting you. This isn't just "their problem" that you can wait to see solved. This is effecting what you do and who you are. Your father does not have the right to make you and your family feel the way you are feeling. You can do something about this. If the situation is as you've described it to be, and you talk to someone, they will (or should) make sure that the problem is taken care of.

What will this mean for you? Well, to be honest, I don't know. I don't know how they'll go about "fixing" this problem, but I do know that it will be better than the situation you are in now. This is a terrible thing to go through at a young age, but it's going to be even more terrible if you watch it happen without doing anything about it.

You have my sincerest hope that everything will work out for you. This is going to be tough. But I know that it will be much tougher if you don't do anything about it. We're always going to be here for you, and we're all hoping for the best.

[Taiso]

This is a very serious issue. Obviously its painful for you, Moonbay, but you have to get by the best you can I suppose, Make sure you and your siblings have somewhere to go should things get intolerable, maybe a relative or a good friend's place?
If you left the house, that would definitely drill into your parents how much you guys have been caught in the crossfire.

Is there any way you'd be able to talk to either of your parents about this?

[Mojo_Jojo]

Awwwww,poor you! I feel sorry fa u! But it isn't ya fault! I also agree that if things get rough to take u and ya siblings to a family member or friend's house that is safe. You should talk to someone a/b this problem b/c if you'll be more stressful by keeping this to yourself any longer. You also have to realize that it may be best fa them to divorce b/c you're in an unhealthy environment and someone is bound to get hurt (phisically and mentally). Them staying together not getting along is pointless. It would be nice to patch things up, but I don't think it would happen. I feel so bad fa you!

[Captain Yurika]

You have my hugs, sympathy and prayers. My parents fought alot but never to that extreme.
You should find someone at school a teacher or counselor you like and trust you can talk to about this. If you can I'd suggest trying a family meeting to get your parents to sit down and talk things out and figure out what they should do. Make them realize what they're fighting is doing to YOU and your FAMILY. No parents should put their children through what they're doing to you and your siblings. How much younger are they? If they aren't too young I'd have them sit in too.

Good luck and let us know what is happening!

~CY

[BrendaBat]

I've been there (though my case wasn't quite as extreme as yours). I HIGHLY suggest taking yourself and your siblings to a friend's or relative's house. As the oldest, you have a responsibility to look out for the little ones (I'm assuming you're the oldest, forgive me if I'm wrong).
Once, after a MAJOR fight, I ran off, called my uncle from a payphone, and stayed with him for a few days. It calmed things down a bit and alerted my mother's famiy to the problem.

My youngest sister (shes 10 now) is starting to develop emotional problems because of all the yelling. Because my Dad has a Jeckel&Hyde complex (being calm then suddenly flipping out over some silly little thing) my baby sister is obsessed with keeping him calm. It makes me sick. If you don't do something now, this may happen to you or your sibs. I'm sorry if I'm scaring you, but I'm just don't want you or your family to end up like my baby sister :(

I hope things get better for you bubbie :)