Brandon Pierce
09-05-2001, 08:17 PM
[CN Satellite, Brandon is at the desk reading a Nickelodeon Magazine that has an article on The Angry Beavers]
Brandon: Oh, Nick & Rich! How I worship you! (argus enters)
Argus: Is that Zine doing you any good?
Brandon: Eh?
Argus: Yeah, I thought so.
Brian Cruz (off-camera): Commercial Sign in 15 seconds.
Brandon: So why do you think UK won't send America the last 20 TAB episodes?
Argus: Maybe they did send them, and the ship they were on hit an iceburg and sank!
Brandon: Not funny.
Brian Cruz: Commercial Sign in 5 seconds.
Argus: Well, maybe UK were invaded by Irkans.
Brandon: Shut up!
Brian: Commercial sign, now!
Argus: We'll be right back.
[Commercials]
[After Commercials]
Jon: So, Brandon is Brittney related to you?
Brandon: I don't know. Ask her if she has any family in Iowa? (button flashes)
Jon: Oh, Jim Cummings and Tom Kenny are calling us. (hits button)
(Camera is focused on the wall of Cn Labs. Camera pans left to show Turner, using a remote control device to operate the camera. He is humming something.)
Scannell (entering from the left, anxious): Ted! Ted! I think I was spotted on the way down here!
Turner: Did you wear your disguise?
Scannell: I was wearing my disguise, but I'm just not very good in heels!
Turner: No one must know we're down here doing this!
Scannell: I'm sorry.
Turner: Well, it's time to call Jon about the experiment.
[to camera] Come in, Jonny-Ponny Puddin'-n-Pie!
[SOL]
Jon: Hey, sirs, I'm ready for this week's invention exchange. Check this thing out! I just made it, it's the world's only electric bagpipes. (Produces bagpipes attached to leaf blower) All right... (Turns on leaf blower, begins to play. Jon & Co. sing.)
Jon & Co.(singing): Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...
Jon: Okay, and uh, the gang and I have worked up a special cover version of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love". You ready, guys?
Kiddiesunshine: Ready! Rock it!
Jon: 2,3...
Everyone(singing): She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) Wanna whole lotta love! (bagpipes) She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) A really whole lotta love! (bagpipes)
[CN Labs]
(Scannell appears to be in great pain)
Turner: I love it! Look... Herb's corneas are bleeding. Oh... Well! It's time we sent you our experimental nugget this week, Jim. Now, human underarm perspiration is something that happens to everyone after they go through puberty....(smirking) which, I assume, includes you, Joel.
(Scannell chuckles derisively.)
Turner(abruptly): When's the last time you saw a dog sweat? Herb?
Scannell: Never!
Turner: Exactly! And why is that?
Scannell: Dogs don't sweat, that's why!
Turner: Exactly! Because of the dog's pineal gland. Nature's own canine antiperspirant. Now. You take the pineal gland, and you make a serum. You get a dog, it doesn't matter what kind of dog, and you inject that serum into a human subject. In this case, Herb...
(Scannell places sensors under his armpits and bends over to allow Turner to inject him in the hinder. Turner gets behind him with a large syringe, and examine's Herb's hinder.)
Turner: Now, let's see...It's so hard to find a spot I haven't hit...(looking at something on Herb's hinder) Uh, what's this flower? And who's Roseanne?
Scannell (irritated): Oh, just stick it, will you?
Turner: Sail on, Silver Bird! (injects Scannell, who jumps up)
Scannell: D'oh, Jeez!
Turner: Now, instantly the serum races through the bloodstream like a Porsche Targa 911, commandeering each pore, slamming it shut, like the vault at your favorite savings and loan!
(Scannell begins panting like a dog.)
Turner: And, checking the wetness sensors... (he removes one from Scannell's pit) ...we see that they are free from wetness, and/or odor. (He looks over at Scannell.)
Scannell: (panting) Antidote...Antidote.
Turner: Oh! Yes, the antidote. There you go... (injects something into Scannell's arm) ...the antidote, and here is your treat (removes something from his pocket, throws it in the air. Scannell catches it in his mouth).
[CN Satellite]
Thad: Oh, brother!
Matthew: That was pathetic!
Jerry: Eww!
Jon (conciliatory): Hey, no, I thought that was really good, you guys. You're doing really well, and I think that someday, you'll be ready for the Nobel Prize.
Brandon: Maybe for fiction!
Jon: Hey! Hey, I noticed you moved. You guys must've got kicked out of uh, Cartoon Network for shooting us into space like this, I bet.
[CN Labs]
Scannell: Oh, don't be ridiculous! We moved!
Turner: It's ... It's our grand re-opening! Uh, welcome to CN Labs!
[CN Satellite]
Joel: CN Labs? Wait a minute! That's in the sub-basement of Cartoon Network! I had to work as a janitor there with I.R. Baboon and clean up a flubber spill once there. It's incredibly radioactive!
[CN Labs]
Scannell (dementedly): Well, it hasn't affected our brain any.
Turner: We like it here! Now, we're even closer to the atomic pile. And one day...
[CN Satellite]
Joel: Well, I suppose it's time for you guys to start experimenting on us again.
[CN Labs]
Turner(angrily): I'll tell you when it's time to do the movie, you squinty-eyed space chimp!
Scannell: Oh, uh, Clay?
Turner: What?
Erhardt: It *is* time.
Turner: Oh. Yeah, I ...
Scannell: Nice insult, though.
Turner: I knew that. Thank you.
(both laugh maniacally. Organ music plays)
[SOL]
Joel: LT sign! (Joel slaps the table and runs off. "Bosko's Picture Show Comes on)
[After cartoon]
Jerry: I don't know why I was shot in space, but... it goes to show you you can't trust Turner.
Jon: I hear you. He never did return those video games I lent him.
Jerry: It figures. BUT it is nice to enjoy the classic cartoons.
Jon: Please, you'll only encourage, Turner. Even though, yeah, it's cool. (alarm goes off)
Jerry: And, we gotta go. (they leave to watch "Mouse Come to Dinner)
[After Cartoon]
Sveven: Mammy! Mammy!
Kiddiesunshine: No, no, no you gotta say it frog-like.
Sveven (frog-like): Mammy! mam--
Kiddiesunshine: Forget it, you couldn't do an Al Jolson imitation if your life depended on it. Where's my 10 bucks?
Sveven: All right! (gives kiddiesunshine is 10 bucks) And I hope you joke! (blow rasberry)
Kiddiesunshine: Oh, we'll be right back.
[Commercials]
[After Commercials]
Jon: Oh... I'm SOOOO tired.... I haven't slept in... (alarm goes off) LT SIGN!!! (jon leaves to watch "Egghead Rides Again")
{After Cartoon]
Kiddiesunshine: Dang, since I'm space, my ten bucks are worthless.
Sveven (off-camera): Can I have it back then?
[CN Labs]
Turner: Until next time... (camera goes off, credits begin.)
Brandon: Oh, Nick & Rich! How I worship you! (argus enters)
Argus: Is that Zine doing you any good?
Brandon: Eh?
Argus: Yeah, I thought so.
Brian Cruz (off-camera): Commercial Sign in 15 seconds.
Brandon: So why do you think UK won't send America the last 20 TAB episodes?
Argus: Maybe they did send them, and the ship they were on hit an iceburg and sank!
Brandon: Not funny.
Brian Cruz: Commercial Sign in 5 seconds.
Argus: Well, maybe UK were invaded by Irkans.
Brandon: Shut up!
Brian: Commercial sign, now!
Argus: We'll be right back.
[Commercials]
[After Commercials]
Jon: So, Brandon is Brittney related to you?
Brandon: I don't know. Ask her if she has any family in Iowa? (button flashes)
Jon: Oh, Jim Cummings and Tom Kenny are calling us. (hits button)
(Camera is focused on the wall of Cn Labs. Camera pans left to show Turner, using a remote control device to operate the camera. He is humming something.)
Scannell (entering from the left, anxious): Ted! Ted! I think I was spotted on the way down here!
Turner: Did you wear your disguise?
Scannell: I was wearing my disguise, but I'm just not very good in heels!
Turner: No one must know we're down here doing this!
Scannell: I'm sorry.
Turner: Well, it's time to call Jon about the experiment.
[to camera] Come in, Jonny-Ponny Puddin'-n-Pie!
[SOL]
Jon: Hey, sirs, I'm ready for this week's invention exchange. Check this thing out! I just made it, it's the world's only electric bagpipes. (Produces bagpipes attached to leaf blower) All right... (Turns on leaf blower, begins to play. Jon & Co. sing.)
Jon & Co.(singing): Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...
Jon: Okay, and uh, the gang and I have worked up a special cover version of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love". You ready, guys?
Kiddiesunshine: Ready! Rock it!
Jon: 2,3...
Everyone(singing): She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) Wanna whole lotta love! (bagpipes) She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) A really whole lotta love! (bagpipes)
[CN Labs]
(Scannell appears to be in great pain)
Turner: I love it! Look... Herb's corneas are bleeding. Oh... Well! It's time we sent you our experimental nugget this week, Jim. Now, human underarm perspiration is something that happens to everyone after they go through puberty....(smirking) which, I assume, includes you, Joel.
(Scannell chuckles derisively.)
Turner(abruptly): When's the last time you saw a dog sweat? Herb?
Scannell: Never!
Turner: Exactly! And why is that?
Scannell: Dogs don't sweat, that's why!
Turner: Exactly! Because of the dog's pineal gland. Nature's own canine antiperspirant. Now. You take the pineal gland, and you make a serum. You get a dog, it doesn't matter what kind of dog, and you inject that serum into a human subject. In this case, Herb...
(Scannell places sensors under his armpits and bends over to allow Turner to inject him in the hinder. Turner gets behind him with a large syringe, and examine's Herb's hinder.)
Turner: Now, let's see...It's so hard to find a spot I haven't hit...(looking at something on Herb's hinder) Uh, what's this flower? And who's Roseanne?
Scannell (irritated): Oh, just stick it, will you?
Turner: Sail on, Silver Bird! (injects Scannell, who jumps up)
Scannell: D'oh, Jeez!
Turner: Now, instantly the serum races through the bloodstream like a Porsche Targa 911, commandeering each pore, slamming it shut, like the vault at your favorite savings and loan!
(Scannell begins panting like a dog.)
Turner: And, checking the wetness sensors... (he removes one from Scannell's pit) ...we see that they are free from wetness, and/or odor. (He looks over at Scannell.)
Scannell: (panting) Antidote...Antidote.
Turner: Oh! Yes, the antidote. There you go... (injects something into Scannell's arm) ...the antidote, and here is your treat (removes something from his pocket, throws it in the air. Scannell catches it in his mouth).
[CN Satellite]
Thad: Oh, brother!
Matthew: That was pathetic!
Jerry: Eww!
Jon (conciliatory): Hey, no, I thought that was really good, you guys. You're doing really well, and I think that someday, you'll be ready for the Nobel Prize.
Brandon: Maybe for fiction!
Jon: Hey! Hey, I noticed you moved. You guys must've got kicked out of uh, Cartoon Network for shooting us into space like this, I bet.
[CN Labs]
Scannell: Oh, don't be ridiculous! We moved!
Turner: It's ... It's our grand re-opening! Uh, welcome to CN Labs!
[CN Satellite]
Joel: CN Labs? Wait a minute! That's in the sub-basement of Cartoon Network! I had to work as a janitor there with I.R. Baboon and clean up a flubber spill once there. It's incredibly radioactive!
[CN Labs]
Scannell (dementedly): Well, it hasn't affected our brain any.
Turner: We like it here! Now, we're even closer to the atomic pile. And one day...
[CN Satellite]
Joel: Well, I suppose it's time for you guys to start experimenting on us again.
[CN Labs]
Turner(angrily): I'll tell you when it's time to do the movie, you squinty-eyed space chimp!
Scannell: Oh, uh, Clay?
Turner: What?
Erhardt: It *is* time.
Turner: Oh. Yeah, I ...
Scannell: Nice insult, though.
Turner: I knew that. Thank you.
(both laugh maniacally. Organ music plays)
[SOL]
Joel: LT sign! (Joel slaps the table and runs off. "Bosko's Picture Show Comes on)
[After cartoon]
Jerry: I don't know why I was shot in space, but... it goes to show you you can't trust Turner.
Jon: I hear you. He never did return those video games I lent him.
Jerry: It figures. BUT it is nice to enjoy the classic cartoons.
Jon: Please, you'll only encourage, Turner. Even though, yeah, it's cool. (alarm goes off)
Jerry: And, we gotta go. (they leave to watch "Mouse Come to Dinner)
[After Cartoon]
Sveven: Mammy! Mammy!
Kiddiesunshine: No, no, no you gotta say it frog-like.
Sveven (frog-like): Mammy! mam--
Kiddiesunshine: Forget it, you couldn't do an Al Jolson imitation if your life depended on it. Where's my 10 bucks?
Sveven: All right! (gives kiddiesunshine is 10 bucks) And I hope you joke! (blow rasberry)
Kiddiesunshine: Oh, we'll be right back.
[Commercials]
[After Commercials]
Jon: Oh... I'm SOOOO tired.... I haven't slept in... (alarm goes off) LT SIGN!!! (jon leaves to watch "Egghead Rides Again")
{After Cartoon]
Kiddiesunshine: Dang, since I'm space, my ten bucks are worthless.
Sveven (off-camera): Can I have it back then?
[CN Labs]
Turner: Until next time... (camera goes off, credits begin.)