Brandon Pierce
09-02-2001, 04:38 AM
[CN Labs]
(Ted Turner is writing calculations or WHATever on a blackboard. He notices the camera, walks over, and addresses the audience.)
Turner: Ah! You're here. Hello. Welcome. I'm Ted Turner, and soon you will all bow down before me. What you're about to see is an experiment--(He begins to walk away from Camera and around in CN Lab.) And by observing, you have become part of the experiment. (He now picks up an odd-looking, three-headed plastic animal that purrs like a cat the moment it's in his hands.) For I have shot several Looney Tunes fans into space (he points up), and am driving them crazy by letting them watch uncut prints of Looney Tunes episodes. (He first kisses then casually dumps the animal into a glass container filled with a greenish-blue liquid that's probably acid, and clearly ignores the animal's tormented wailing.) Oh, sure, we all have thought about it, but only *I* had the guts to do it! (He flings his arms to the side, thereby accidentally pushing a lever, which causes a large mechanic arm to swing at him and knock him to the ground.) OH! (He recovers and gets back up, pulling down a notepad with an enlarged photograph of Jon Cooke that is attached to large spring from the ceiling.) This is my main test subject: Jon Cooke. A disgustingly mild-mannered DOPE who has managed to survive EVERY LT chance I subjected him to. (He pushes the notepad under his arm, and balls his fist.) But perhaps THIS collection I stole from the WB vaults will drive him to the breaking point and crush his soul. And THEN I'll unleash it on an unwitting public, and then I will RULE THE WORLD! YES! (He laughs maniacally and starts spanking himself with the notepad.) I'm a naughty boy! Naughty, naughty, naugh-- (He suddenly realizes the audience is still watching.) --ty... (he releases the notepad and walks over to a lever). Well, uh,...You will join Jon in watching various LT episodes, uncut and undubbed. Now, prepare yourselves for my maddest madness yet! (he pushes the lever, smiling. A fuse blows the same moment and CN Labs goes dark. We hear his voice in the dark). Ohhh, poopie!
[CN Satellite] (jon enters with a cup of coffe)
Jon: Hi, can you guys see me? I want to know if the camera's working. Audience if you can see and hear me, do absolutley nothing. Well that went well. People of Earth, my name is Jon, and I'm marooned in outer space (takes a sip of coffe). I'm the subject of a bizzare LT-watching experiment and in a way, so are you. Oh, we got commercial sign (hits button), stick around we'll be right back.
[Commercial]
[CN Satellite, after Commercials]
Jon: Well, now I know how Joel and Mike felt when they were marooned in space. It's kinda boring. I've hummed all the songs I know. (button flashes) Oh, I'm being called by Captain Planet and the planetteers. (hits button)
[CN Labs]
Turner: What's shakin' Barb Wire? Are you ready to feel pain?
[CN Satellite]
Jon: Oh, I'm shaking in my jumpsuit. Bring it on, Dipwad.
[CN Labs]
Turner: I hope this works. (presses button)
[Cn Satellite]
Jon: LT SIGN!!! (jon dashes off, camera fades out and the cartoon "Daffy Duck & Egghead" fades in.)
[CN Satellite, after DD&E]
Jon: Hey, guys, c'mon out. The audience is waiting.
Sveven 9off-camera): My hair isn't done yet.
Jon: Well, hurry up! (thad enters)
Thad: Wuzzup? So, this is what being in space is like.
Jon: Yeah, in fact I can see Jupiter from here. (sveven enters)
Sveven: How's everything? (everyone else enters)
Kiddiesunshine: Howdy.
Angrew: What's up, Docs? I couldn't wait to say that!
Brandon: I'm hungry.
Sveven: Oh, you ate 5 minutes ago!
Matthew: When's the next cartoon?
Jon: Oh, right... about... now. (lt sign goes off)
Everyone: LT SIGN!!! (everyone rushes out, camera fades out, cartoon "Herr meets Hare fades in)
[after cartoon]
Jon: What WAS wrong with that cartoon? So what if it had Hitler.
Sveven: Are you saying you LIKE Hitler?!
Jon: No, I--
Sveven: And to think we were best friends.
Jon: "Were" is right. Anyway, we'll be right back.
Sveven: I take it you LIKE Hiroheto. (jon smacks sveven upside the head)
[Commercial]
[After Commercial, cartoon "Bosko's Picture Show"]
Thad: Did Bosko say what I think he said?
Brandon: Yep. He definatly said <bleep>.
Thad: Holy, cow, Brandon!
Brandon: I did not say <bleep>!
Thad: Stop saying that! You're going to run down the bleeper!
Brandon: I'm hungry.
Thad: Ohhh... (button flashes, jon's arm extends from off camera and pushes the button)
[CN Labs, turner is at the computer]
Turner: Oh, hello. Well, I'm just searching for people worthy of being my assistant. And old guy like me can't do this job alone! Anyway, until next time... (turner picks up a remote, camera turns off, credits begin)
(Ted Turner is writing calculations or WHATever on a blackboard. He notices the camera, walks over, and addresses the audience.)
Turner: Ah! You're here. Hello. Welcome. I'm Ted Turner, and soon you will all bow down before me. What you're about to see is an experiment--(He begins to walk away from Camera and around in CN Lab.) And by observing, you have become part of the experiment. (He now picks up an odd-looking, three-headed plastic animal that purrs like a cat the moment it's in his hands.) For I have shot several Looney Tunes fans into space (he points up), and am driving them crazy by letting them watch uncut prints of Looney Tunes episodes. (He first kisses then casually dumps the animal into a glass container filled with a greenish-blue liquid that's probably acid, and clearly ignores the animal's tormented wailing.) Oh, sure, we all have thought about it, but only *I* had the guts to do it! (He flings his arms to the side, thereby accidentally pushing a lever, which causes a large mechanic arm to swing at him and knock him to the ground.) OH! (He recovers and gets back up, pulling down a notepad with an enlarged photograph of Jon Cooke that is attached to large spring from the ceiling.) This is my main test subject: Jon Cooke. A disgustingly mild-mannered DOPE who has managed to survive EVERY LT chance I subjected him to. (He pushes the notepad under his arm, and balls his fist.) But perhaps THIS collection I stole from the WB vaults will drive him to the breaking point and crush his soul. And THEN I'll unleash it on an unwitting public, and then I will RULE THE WORLD! YES! (He laughs maniacally and starts spanking himself with the notepad.) I'm a naughty boy! Naughty, naughty, naugh-- (He suddenly realizes the audience is still watching.) --ty... (he releases the notepad and walks over to a lever). Well, uh,...You will join Jon in watching various LT episodes, uncut and undubbed. Now, prepare yourselves for my maddest madness yet! (he pushes the lever, smiling. A fuse blows the same moment and CN Labs goes dark. We hear his voice in the dark). Ohhh, poopie!
[CN Satellite] (jon enters with a cup of coffe)
Jon: Hi, can you guys see me? I want to know if the camera's working. Audience if you can see and hear me, do absolutley nothing. Well that went well. People of Earth, my name is Jon, and I'm marooned in outer space (takes a sip of coffe). I'm the subject of a bizzare LT-watching experiment and in a way, so are you. Oh, we got commercial sign (hits button), stick around we'll be right back.
[Commercial]
[CN Satellite, after Commercials]
Jon: Well, now I know how Joel and Mike felt when they were marooned in space. It's kinda boring. I've hummed all the songs I know. (button flashes) Oh, I'm being called by Captain Planet and the planetteers. (hits button)
[CN Labs]
Turner: What's shakin' Barb Wire? Are you ready to feel pain?
[CN Satellite]
Jon: Oh, I'm shaking in my jumpsuit. Bring it on, Dipwad.
[CN Labs]
Turner: I hope this works. (presses button)
[Cn Satellite]
Jon: LT SIGN!!! (jon dashes off, camera fades out and the cartoon "Daffy Duck & Egghead" fades in.)
[CN Satellite, after DD&E]
Jon: Hey, guys, c'mon out. The audience is waiting.
Sveven 9off-camera): My hair isn't done yet.
Jon: Well, hurry up! (thad enters)
Thad: Wuzzup? So, this is what being in space is like.
Jon: Yeah, in fact I can see Jupiter from here. (sveven enters)
Sveven: How's everything? (everyone else enters)
Kiddiesunshine: Howdy.
Angrew: What's up, Docs? I couldn't wait to say that!
Brandon: I'm hungry.
Sveven: Oh, you ate 5 minutes ago!
Matthew: When's the next cartoon?
Jon: Oh, right... about... now. (lt sign goes off)
Everyone: LT SIGN!!! (everyone rushes out, camera fades out, cartoon "Herr meets Hare fades in)
[after cartoon]
Jon: What WAS wrong with that cartoon? So what if it had Hitler.
Sveven: Are you saying you LIKE Hitler?!
Jon: No, I--
Sveven: And to think we were best friends.
Jon: "Were" is right. Anyway, we'll be right back.
Sveven: I take it you LIKE Hiroheto. (jon smacks sveven upside the head)
[Commercial]
[After Commercial, cartoon "Bosko's Picture Show"]
Thad: Did Bosko say what I think he said?
Brandon: Yep. He definatly said <bleep>.
Thad: Holy, cow, Brandon!
Brandon: I did not say <bleep>!
Thad: Stop saying that! You're going to run down the bleeper!
Brandon: I'm hungry.
Thad: Ohhh... (button flashes, jon's arm extends from off camera and pushes the button)
[CN Labs, turner is at the computer]
Turner: Oh, hello. Well, I'm just searching for people worthy of being my assistant. And old guy like me can't do this job alone! Anyway, until next time... (turner picks up a remote, camera turns off, credits begin)