Chain Story Part 2

[Daniel P]

Well, we're gonna start a little story and you continue it... any way you want. You can rapidly turn an action into a romance with just one sentence.

RULES:
1. Do not make more than a paragraph or so in each post.
2. Make sense!
3. Don't rapidly kill off all the main characters.

START:
If, for some reason, you should need to eat mustard, you can go to Home Depot. At least, that's where I went. I asked a lady working there, "Where d'you keep the mustard?" "This is a Home Depot, Sir. Why would we have mustard, you idiot?" So I went home, very sad, because I had no mustard. On the way home, I met a hitchhiking mime. From his movements, he told me that he wanted to go to the North Pole to meet Santa. It would be a long drive, but I decided...

[Condiment King]

...to slap the man and call him a fool!

"What kind of crazy moron would drive to the North Pole when we all know that the mustard man, known as the Condiment King is really the one bearing gifts on Christmas Eve, or as I call it, the Condiment Calling." I retorted.

For some reason, the man gave me a strange look and went on his merry way. I decided to go to the next door neighbor's house. I walked in and the refrigerator was open with mustard in the door. It was tempting...I really wanted some mustard.....in the end...I decided....decided.....t....to..... :D

[Daniel P]

...kill my neighbor and put the mustard in my shirt.

I was walking over to my house, mustard dripping into my pants and shoes, and then a 4-ton cat attacked me. It swallowed my right arm, and when I was at the hospital, they thought that the mustard was blood turned yellow.

When I had my memory back, I threw my boxers at the nurse and she dropped onto the bed and I poured some moldy hospital food into her nostrils. The police arrested me. At the jail, I had a plan to break out, and a fat man arrested for stealing named Edwardo said he'd help me. We sneaked out on Christmas Eve night, and we successfully got out of the jail. On the way to see the Condiment King, we ran into a...

[KlyphZilla]

tree . It seemed like it came out of nowhere. Edwardo immediately knew what to do. "Get out of the car", he said, "I'll pull the car out". He then proceeded to get crushed by the tree. I sighed and went on my merry way to see the Condiment King. I was right outside the entrance when...

[Ramen Noodles]

i saw i grocery store. i went into the mik aisle. i was about to get some milk when i saw it move. the suddenly a hand jumped out and pulled me into the land behind the mikk.

[Daniel P]

...The place was a land of diary products, and I was attacked by giant cheese circles and yoghurt cups. They chased me all the way to Skeleton Land, where I saw a door. There was a sign on it, that said "Entrance to the land of condiments." I entered, but I didn't see condiments or the Condiment King. Instead, I saw...

[KlyphZilla]

a mirror. I stared at myself vainly, when up walked some ketchup.
That's right, the ketchup was walking. We held a staring match because I'd never seen a ketchup bottle with eyes before. Suddenly it spoke. It asked me where I was going to. I answered by saying, "Condiment King". I then proceeded to ask it where it learned how to do everything such as walking and talking. It answered...

[Condiment King]

...from Jango Fett and a band of bounty hunters and eating a jello mold. I was appauded at such savage behavior. I gave the two-bit nimrod a severe dressing down. It didn't take kind to my words and pulled out a light sabers with ketchup. I ran and before I knew it, I was back in the dairy aisle. I turned to my right, somewhat spooked, to catch a glimpse of a person putting in stock. He had a whole crate of mustard. Without warning, I attacked the man and...

[Daniel P]

...he quickly died.

After several hours of walking around and searching, I saw him... The CONDIMENT KING!!

He was in an ambulance because he had been shot. And it was partner Edwardo who had shot him! So, I decided...

[Condiment King]

to savagely beat Edwardo. As Edwardo took his last breath, he informed me that he was my father. I was shocked. :( Stunned even. I decided to...........to.......BEAT HIM SENSELESS! THAT NO GOOD SORRY PITIFUL....HE WILL PAY! As he went limp, I ran. I heard police sirens....then...

[Daniel P]

...I ran away into the darkness. It was quiet -- too quiet. No police sirens, no talking ketchup, no noise. I realized that I had landed into a world without depth. I was a pencil skecth on a paper pad in some drunken college kid's dormatory. I yelled and yelled, but the kid was watching "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone" at full volume on a large TV. I was stuck there forever, until I realized I could climb out of the paper pad. I jumped into an ink bottle. I fell down a hole that seemed bottomless for a torturous amount of time, and then suddenly I stopped. I had landed inside Edwardo's head. I was the control of his brain! He was not dead, but badly hurt, and he was out to get me. I changed his brain into wanting to go see the Condiment King. We wandered all around the US, until we got to Alaska where...

[KlyphZilla]

We suddenly spotted a polar bear. He was standing over a crumpled body. The polar bear turned and looked at us. We ran and ran and ran. After completing the circle run, we shook off the polar bear and identified the body as none other than the Condiment King. He looked at us and said...

[Daniel P]

...some things that we couldn't hear. He got up, and struck at me (actually, Edwardo, because "me" is inside his brain). Edwardo laid down dead. I was so close to the Condiment King, I just had to get out of Edwardo's brain and meet Condiment King. I got out of the brain...

[Condiment King]

..and stood next to the Condiment King. He was stunned about these events and decided to grant me three wishes.

"What be your first wish, mortal?" boomed the Condiment King.

I stood in thought....

"I want a millennium's supply of mustard, ketchup, horse radish, mayo, pickles, lettuce, honey mustard, sweet & sour sauce, hot sauce, mild sauce, ranch dip, onion dip, tartar sauce, chili, cheese, etc." I said.

He had a convulsion and then nodded his head sharply.

"WISH BE GRANTED!" boomed the Condiment King, "What be your next wish, foolish human?"

I pondering, and then....

[Watermelon]

BOOM!!!

A nearbye city had exploded. Condiment King rushed over. The whole town was in flames. A baby quickly fell from above. Condiment King caught the baby, but after looking at the fave, he realised it was a...

:moon: :moon2:

[Daniel P]

...polar bear disguised as an alien.

Suddenly, 144,000 aliens attacked the Condiment King. 144,000 hamsters attacked me. And then the world ended.

THE END!

[Billy]

And that concludes our tale of 'The Condiment King vs. The Mustard' which, as you may know, has been repeated every year on Christmas Eve since 1975. That's why the film was so worn out. :rolleyes:

Next on <Insert TV station that is broadcasting to where you live here> it's time for...

[Condiment King]

"THE RETURN OF THE CONDIMENT KING - you know, the cheap sequel to 'The Condiment King vs. the Mustard' which recieved even more box office appeal because of the success of the first, thus making the first look worse than it was. By the way, you can pick up the first at your local retailer on VHS and DVD with this neat little special feature, its like a mustard pac man game, its really ne....*cough* Eh, I'm getting off track here." spoke the nervous, young broadcaster.

The movie begins with some classical music that is somewhat boring. :yawn: Then, the narrator comes on. Woo, he is in great voice tonight! This must be good.

"Our story begins with....