An apocryphal "true story"...

[Frozen]

Here's a "true story" that's just been sent to me by a colleague. Whilst quite funny, I truly doubt its verasity...


Radio Conversation


This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a U.S. naval
ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October,
1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations
10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a
collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert
your course."

Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert your course."

Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest
ship in the United States' Atlantic Fleet ! We are accompanied by three
destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels! I demand that
you change your course 15 degrees North, that's one-five degrees North,
or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this
ship!"

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

[Nightflower]

Originally posted by Frozen
Here's a "true story" that's just been sent to me by a colleague. Whilst quite funny, I truly doubt its verasity...



Hehehe....a teacher of mine, who was checking his email during class (No comment there), read that out loud to my class about four years ago.

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

HA HA!
Ah, America....another fine example of our albility...kinda plausible, actually. But seriously, that was hilarious. Any more 'true' stories? I'd like to see more...maybe this could become a thread for urban legends!:D

[Frozen]

OK, BourgeoisBuffoon, try this...


This story, reported in the press last week, happened in a College of Surgeons Rugby game. Story goes like this, in the course of the game a guy is unfortunate enough to dislocate his leg. He is screaming in agony.

The pitch is full of trainee medics and they realise this fairly fast. They call an ambulance but also realise the quickest way to put the guy out of his agony is to push the femur back into the hip joint. They go ahead and do this. Unfortunately the screaming intensifies as a result, the poor guy has gone from occasional moans of agony to squealing like a pig getting
slaughtered. Within a few minutes he has passed out from the pain. The reason? When they pushed his femur back into his hip socket, they managed to catch & snag one of his testicles along the way and ram it into the ball of the hip joint ahead of the femur they were trying to re-locate. When the bone snapped back into place the testicle was squashed immediately because of the strength of the ligament and tendons attaching the leg to the pelvic girdle. The guy lost his testicle and ruptured his vocal cords screaming in agony...




:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by Frozen
[COLOR=SKYBLUE]
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

You said it. I almost fainted just reading it. . .

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

Uh....next time I'll watch what I ask for...oh my god....I nearly fainted as well, and I'm still feeling woozy....oh my god...

[The Mad Hatter]

Ow. I read this right after lunch.

Nobody ask Frozen for more stories, okay? :)

[Nightflower]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Calhoun07]

All the guys are now crossing their legs and the girls just laugh! Typical!

[Nightflower]

Not ALL the girls. Just me :D *snickers*

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

(raises eyebrow) Shaddap, Nighflower.;)
Sigh...I hate to say it, but chalk one up for the girls in the battle of the sexes.

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by calhoun07
All the guys are now crossing their legs

:eek: You can cross your legs if you want. I have a great desire to give my privates all the space and room they need!

[TuffyCatt]

Originally posted by Nightflower
Not ALL the girls. Just me :D *snickers*

Me too!! HAHAHAHA!! Sorry...I just had to laugh at somebody today...okay I'm better now. :D

[DR. BELCH]

The lighthouse one is debunked at Snopes, who says that joke probably has existed in one form or another since the famous lighthouse at Alexandria. But the one about the guy who had one of his cojones accidentally crushed by paras while resetting a bone is a new one on me. Though it might well replace the one about the guy, the gal, the white couch, and the note saying "the dog did it" as my favorite urban legend.... :p

[James]

Originally posted by Frozen
Here's a "true story" that's just been sent to me by a colleague. Whilst quite funny, I truly doubt its verasity...



Amusing, but I doubt it's verasity too - maybe a tiny bit of it's true....

[Frozen]

Once again, a colleague of mine has made me laugh - this time with this collection of 'real' signs from across the world. Whilsty very very funny, I really do doubt they exist, however!


Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.


Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND
SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.


If anybody else has any further funny notices, then please do tootle me melodiously..! :D

[Karkull]

:eek:

I sure hope that Frozen's first story is an urban legend. [Shudder].

[optimal321]

The first one was funny.

The last one was too.

The second one hurt so bad to read! :eek: I can still feel it :(

[Psycho Fox]

TuffyCatt, Nightflower your both despicable.

Anyway the first story is a story told many time and there are many versions of it. I think there is a bit of truth to it but I think it was a single US Navy Ship of some sort. Anyway that story was put into a Freaky Stories ep. A animated show (on Y-TV) that make shorts on old tales like that. II'll tell you the stories from the show that I like.

Ok a Truck Driver and his wife are heading home from a vacation. The truck driver is really tired so he goes into the trailer their pulling to get some sleep and lets his wife drive. Since he is a manly truck driver he sleeps in his birthday suit and this time it is no diffent. Time passes and he wakes up as they stop. He hears his wife opening the driver's side door. He figures he should be in his drive way by now and being a manly truck driver he figures he can just streak to the front door. As soon as he gets out his wife drives away thinking he is still asleep in the trailer seems she got lost and just stoped at a truck stop for dircetions but not just any truck stop but one he is a regular at.

--------

A contruction worker kissed his wife good bye as he pretends to go work. See he thinks his wife is cheating on him so he goes around the block and watches the house. He sees a flashy car pull into his drive way and a man walk up to door and his wife invites him in. Now the contruction worker is mad so he goes to the contruction site where he works and takes the cemenet mixer then he goes home and pours cement in the stangers car. The contruction workers wife and the man runs out. The man just smiles at him and says "I hope you enjoy your new car" as he walks off. His wife very mad walks up to him and hands him the keys and says happy birthday.

----------------

A young teenager is looking the through the paper to find a car. He finds a mint condition sports car for only $100 bucks. He figures it is a joke or something but it is too good to pass up. He goes to the address and there is the car in mint condition he drooled over it for a sec then a women came out and greeted him. She confirmed that the car was only $100 dollars. He figure it must be hot or something but she had all the papers so he took it for a test drive. He noticed a nock in the engine so he took it to a local garage. The mechanic found the couse of the knocking a mans wedding ring other then that the car was in mint condition so the teenager drove back and gave the wedding ring to the ower saing it was in the engine of the car. The women explained that it belongs to her ex-husband, he ran off with some bimbo and told her to send him all the money she can get for car thus after the teenage bought the car she sent the $100 bucks to him. Saying it is all she got for the mint condision sports car.

----------------------

A baggage handler is loading an airplane he throws a pet carring container too hard it misses the conveyer belt and a dead dog falls out of it. The baggage handler felling bad for killing someones dog askes his freinds to stall the plane as long as they can. He rushes to the pound tring to find a dog like it but can't he is just about to give up when he finds a little boy with a dog just like it. He gave the boy all the money in his wallet for the dog and rushes back to the airport. He puts the dog in the container and carfully loads it on the plane. Later the dogs owner faints when she gets the dog. Seems the dog was already dead and was going to it's funeral.

[Maxie Zeus]

I heard a variation on the dead dog story:

A man gets up early and goes out in his back yard, where he finds his dog standing over the torn and dirty body of a rabbit. The man is horrified because he recognizes the rabbit as the pet of the family next door. So he takes the rabbit inside, washes it up as best he can and then sneaks into the neighbor's yard and puts it back in the hutch where it used to live in. Then he goes back to bed (so as avoid the crying kids when the rabbit is found).

Instead, he's woken up by a woman screaming her head off. He goes out and finds his neighbor's wife standing in front of the hunch and screaming. He asks her what's wrong. She points at the hutch and says, "The rabbit. It died yesterday and we buried it . . . and IT'S COME BACK!!!"

[Failure]

Holy crap! I just read the dislocated leg story... I think I'm not going to comment and just forget I ever read that.

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by Maxie Zeus
I heard a variation on the dead dog story:Cool, Here is another dead dog story.

A woman is prepairing for a party in her back yard. She notices she forget to get dog food so she puts some food from the table into her dogs dish. Later the party is going fine when someone notices her dog dead at the side door. She yells oh my good the food is bad, Everyone panics and rushes to the hopital to get their stomach pumped. When she gets back her neighbour approaches her and says "I'm so sorry, I accidentally ran over your dog this morning, I put it at your side door"

[Oracle]

ROTFLMAO!!! These are great!


Originally posted by Psycho Fox
A contruction worker kissed his wife good bye as he pretends to go work. See he thinks his wife is cheating on him so he goes around the block and watches the house. He sees a flashy car pull into his drive way and a man walk up to door and his wife invites him in. Now the contruction worker is mad so he goes to the contruction site where he works and takes the cemenet mixer then he goes home and pours cement in the stangers car. The contruction workers wife and the man runs out. The man just smiles at him and says "I hope you enjoy your new car" as he walks off. His wife very mad walks up to him and hands him the keys and says happy birthday.

Wasn't this in a Route 66 commerical?

[JustJack]

With each telling of the ball story...men everywhere feel that one man's pain.......

No, really...I told my friend, at school today. He just grabbed himself & screamed "Why'd you tell me that story?!"

hahaha...but really..I'm in fear for my testicles...

[pencilsharp]

The quickest way to get anyone's attention is to talk about testicles. The men grimace, and the women smile with evil glee.

Then again, there is the story about the woman who dashed out for her doorstep paper sans a single stitch of clothing. Of course, just as she dashed back, the locked door closed in her face.
In a panic, she dove for the bushes (straight face, there are kids about :rolleyes: ), and tried to figure out how to get back inside. All the windows turned out to be locked (which shows it's fake, how many of your windows are locked right now?), so she finally makes her way to the back. Sure enough, there's the doggy door that she had forgotten about in the back door.

Now, from this point, you can go four ways:
1) She gets stuck in the door, and the Fire Dept has to come save her embarassed (literally!) butt... when they get around to it...
2) She gets stuck in the door, and the resident dog is, to put it mildly, a bit confused.
3) She doesn't get stuck, picks herself up off the floor, remembers she left the paper outside and locks herself out again. OR
4) She doesn't get stuck, picks herself up off the floor, and a burglar tells her to put some clothes on.

But for REALLY funny urban legends, listen to Paul Harvey's "news"cast, sometime around Page Three.

Ghost!
~pS~

[TuffyCatt]

Originally posted by pencilsharp
In a panic, she dove for the bushes (straight face, there are kids about :rolleyes: ), and tried to figure out how to get back inside. All the windows turned out to be locked (which shows it's fake, how many of your windows are locked right now?)

All them actually. Okay, maybe I'm just weird. Anyway, there are some, ummm, interesting stories popping up in this post! :p

[Singin' Stray Cat]

Interesting...that's a good way of putting it....

I don't know why I'm posting this - pencilsharp's reply made me think of it - but admittedly, I laugh every time I read the last line. Apologies in advance... :o

http://www.laffnow.com/?joke=217

[DR. BELCH]

http://www.snopes.com/humor/follies/ballwash.htm
Gracias, but I'll just use a little hot water and a soapy washcloth. :D

[optimal321]

Ooooooohhhhhhh... :(

This thread hurts to read. :rolleyes:

[Batgirl_2005]

this is a little o/t but it might get some laughs out of a couple peeps...


The History of the World According to Student Bloopers


Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Desert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah was such that the inhabitants had to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation.
The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns, Corinthian, ironic, and dorc, and also built the apocalypse. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the river Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in the Illiad, by Homer. Homer also wrote the oddity in which Penelope was the last hardship Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of Wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games the Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.
The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the persians the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battle fields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to become king. Dying, he gasped out the words, "Tee hee Brutus?" Nero was a tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Rome came to have too many luxuries and baths. At Roman banquets people wore garlics in their hair. They took two baths in two days, and this is the cause of the fall of Rome. Today, Rome is full of fallen arches.
Then came the middle ages when everyone was middle aged. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived in the time of shivery with brave knights on prancing horses and beautiful women. King Howard mustarded his troops before the battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. And the victims of the blue bonnet plague grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that all free men should not be hanged twice for the same offense.
-----------
There's more to it, but because some persuns may find it offending, I shan't post it. (besides this is getting rather long anyway... but maybe later on I'll post an actal urban legend...)

As for Urban Legends I don't know any of those that are funny... so I'll leave that to the comediennes...
(ps... I laughed at the second story Frozen put up, I thought it was hilarious! ^^)

[Frozen]

Nothing will ever match my 'crushed testicle' story, but here's one that comes fairly close...


Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
__________________________________________________
Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.

This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.

However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't use the toilet for 2 days because my rectum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Rob

:D

[Karkull]

Ouch, but not as painful as the crushed testicle. This one's actually kind of funny, :D.

[optimal321]

Lol!!!

[Frozen]

God, I wish I'd known this story when I was knocked back by Andrea Tyler... :D


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter

Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

[The Mad Hatter]

I've read this story before, and I still love it!

[Maxie Zeus]

I was a grad student at Duke at the time, where it took place (no, I wasn't one of the students ;)):

Two students taking an advanced Chemistry class (I think; the details escape me, but are unimportant) decided to take off for Florida for spring break, knowing full well that a major midterm is scheduled for the morning of the first Monday back. Of course, when Monday came they were really hung over and decided not to drive back to the university till the next day.

When got back they went to the prof asking if they can do a make-up exam. They explained that they were driving back to campus on Sunday night but had a blowout, and so couldn't get back in time for the exam. The professor said he understood, and scheduled them to take a new version of the test at a later date.

The day arrives and he sits the 2 on opposite sides of the room. The exam has 2 pages. The first page contains several difficult problems, collectively worth 10 points. They then turn to the second page, which contains only one question, worth 90 points: "Which tire had the blowout?"

[optimal321]

I've heard this story too. Great stuff!