Whose Line Is It Anyway? On TZ (Sho. # 102)

[Brandon Pierce]

Norb: Hello, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway? The show that does to people what gasoline does to fire. Or is it the other way around. Well, our performers tonight are Daggett Beaver, Bucky Katt, Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles. Okay, we'll start with Questions Only, Dag and Bucky will start. And you're all stranded on a desert island. And points will be extracted if you mention Gilligan's Island.

Bucky: You WOULD do that!

Norb: Well it's my show, I'll do what I want!

Bucky: Oh..... I am so sorry. I thought this was the AUDIENCES' show.

Norb: Nope because they'd make the rules.

Bucky: But they take suggestions.

Norb: Only when I need em.

Bucky: Are we going to start?

Norb: I think you just did. That WAS a question.

Bucky: Oy...... (turns to Daggett) How long will we be here?

Dag: What do you think?

Bucky: Do you CARE that we might be here forever?

Dag: What do you think?

Bucky: What do you think?

(dag smirks. norb buzzes him out)
Ryan: Are yo hungry?

Bucky: Do you need a bath? Because you sm--- Oh shoot!
(norb buzzes him out)
Colin: Do you smell that?

Ryan: Is it your head?

Colin: You think that's funny?

Ryan: You want me to invent something that will get us off this island?

Coilin: Will it give me back my hair?

Ryan: Uhhh...

[buzzer, end game, performers return to their seats.]

Norb: Let's see..... Colin you don't get points for that.

Colin: What?! WHY?

Norb: It's not you're job to insult your baldness, that's everyone else's job. But don't feel bad. I gave everyone else 0.1 points each. Cause I feel sorry for you.

Bucky: Well with YOUR hair we could use a mop. Speaking of which, the studio lost there's.

Dag: I saw Norb trying on wigs before the show started.

Norb: At least I'm not bald. I'm proud of that.

Ryan: But, you have no neck. Clive Anderson has competion.

Norb: Whattayou mean by that, Girraffe Boy?

Dag: He means you have no neck, Turtle Boy.

Norb: You know we're running low on time.... the people want to see--
Ryan: See! He's backing out! He's afraid of us!

Norb: I'm new with this job.

Dag: Norb! You hosted Nicktoons Survivor! You know how to host!
Bucky: Host what? Funerals?
Colin: He'd only be hosting his own.

Bucky: But wouldn't he..... oh, I see.

Norb: Are all of you finished?

Colin: We started? I didn't hear a gun.

(norb takes out a rifle)

Norb: You want it! Come and get it!

Ryan: Ladies and Gentlemen, Norb is comparing himself with Elmer Fudd. Let's all cheer!

(norb puts rifle away)

Bucky: What did you bring that for?

Norb: Oh..... I have reasons.

Ryan (singing): Is it the time of the seasons?

Norb: No, It's time for a commercial. We wasted all this time.

Bucky: Well then you should have announced the next game instead of continuing the arguemnt.

Norb: Don't patronize me Mr. Katt. We'll be right back.

[Brandon Pierce]

Norb: Hey! Welcome back! Are you happy that the commercials are over? What? You LIKED those?! Oh, wait..... they showed a Victoria's Secret commercial didn't they. Figures. Okay, let's go on the Whose Line? This is for Colin and Ryan. I'm going to give them each an envelope that has some REALLY stupid sounding lines thought up by the studio audience. So Ryan and Colin, if you feel like you're saying something embarrassing, you know who to sue.

Ryan: Why thank you Norb. Where are my scissors?

Norb: That's not what I meant. But, anyway your scene is Ryan is Ursula from The Little Mermiad, and Colin is.......

Colin: The Little Mermaid!

Norb: Yes...

Ryan: Hey I'm playing a girl too! C'mon!

Norb: Whenever you're ready. go.

Ryan: Hey howare you doin.

Colin: Fine.

Ryan: Don't step on my testicles.... I mean... tenticles.

ColinL Oh, sorry!

Ryan: Soooo What's the problem. Daddy said no so you come to me. The good parent.

Colin: Well, what I want is to be human and be on land.

Ryan: I don't blame your dad that is a stupid thing to want. Howabout I give you a lollipop instead?

Colin: Well there's um.... a human that I'm in love with.

Ryan: You know I had the same problem. But, I just gave up. I looked at myself in the mirror and I said..... "First It's my eyes, now it's my butt. What next?" Well, the human was in love with me. Hey, can you blame me? Aren't I beautiful?

(colin gives Ryan a disgusted look)

Colin: Well..... I guess. But all I want is.... "Hey! Are you going to eat that!"

Ryan: No! Would I eat my own legs! I don't think you deserve this! NEXT!

Colin: Well, could you at least sing "Poor Unfortunate Souls"?

Ryan: Nope don't have the time! There IS a particular song I wrote. I might want to sing it note by note.
(colin rolls his eyes)
You know what the title was..... it's called.... "Spread my legs? Why sure!"

Colin: Maybe it's best if I just left......

Ryan: No! Wait! You have to say something logical that will prove you're smart enough to leave.

Colin: What's that got to do with it?

Ryan: Do you want to leave or not?

Colin: Oh.... alright! "I like butter".

{buzzer}

[Brandon Pierce]

Norb: Hey, welcome back. The performers now are going to do their favorite game a hoedown! With the help of Charlie Brissett on the piano. Now, audience I need a reason you'd call the police.
Oh, criminals, that's an easy one. You guys should be able to do that. And if you can't do one, then do what Colin does and faint. Anyway, let's hear the Criminals Hoedown.

{hoedown music starts}

DAG:
I am a criminal when I'm not on this show
I steal from fans they carry lots a cash you know
I get caught everytime, people are so darn observant
Except poor Norb, it's like stealing from a servant.

BUCKY:
Stealing things his bad, it is so wrong
Every criminal deserves a spanking from King Kong
Don't try to get my symapthy, you don't need it
Why don't you steal something useful like a box of Cheez-its?

COLIN:
Once I was a criminal, but now I have refromed
I now dedicate my life to Whose Line? to perform
I still like to keep in practice, stealing things that is
But one day I stole Norb's mugs took a sip and found out it was full of wizz.

RYAN:
What's so bad about stealing, it doesn't hurt anyone?
It dosn't harm nor kill anyone
So I'm going to be a criminal, so I can find out
And if it hurts It'll just hide my prizes up Norb's snout.

ALL:
UUUUUP NORB'S SNOOOUUUT!!!

Norb: Alright.... I deduct 1,000 points from Ryan and Colin and Dag. Bucky. 2,000 points to you. Speaking of which, Bucky you have the most points!

Bucky: Whoowhoo! I won!

Norb: Uhh.... no you didn't. Colin and Ryan are the winners!

Bucky: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Norb: So, Colin and Ryan you guys will read the credits as..... Roger Rabbit. Both of you. Good night everyone.

[colin and ryan walk over to the moniter]

Colin: P-p-p-please Dan P-p-p-p aterson! Tell mark Levarthon we want a higher raise!

Ryan: Yeah! And then we'll be Happy! H-A-P-P-I!

Colin: Gina Cromwell! She's almost as good as my wife!

Ryan: What about Brian Lofthouthe? thay, what do you call the middle of a song?

Colin: Uhhhhh.... Charlie Britthett?