Anthonynotes
07-14-2002, 10:21 PM
Seeing as "Survivor" was more popular than "Weakest Link" for my previous polls, I'll return to the Survivor format, and with the same rules as the first one (on an island, voted off one by one, must make do with only stuff on the island, no bat-gadgets/magic/mechanical suits/laser cannons/etc. allowed to be brought with them)...only this time, this one might be a bit tougher: a clash of characters known for either being extremely difficult to defeat, or characters that just about never lose:
1. Bugs Bunny: widely acknowledged as one of, if not the, greatest cartoon character ever created, Bugs' record of defeating all manners of bad guys, annoying bullies, and whatnot is impeccable. With his old-school animated wit and ability to make do in even the harshest environments (the North Pole, the middle of the Sahara Desert, etc.), the best bet might be on that "wascally wabbit". He plans to use the money as savings account fodder to stave off possible unwanted backlash for Warner Bros. making (against his wishes) that "baby Looney Tunes" thingamajig...
2. Slappy Squirrel: with Slappy being as old (or older, depending on who's counting/retconned-in Animaniacs continuity) and experienced as Bugs is, Slappy has also proven herself as one tough, no-nonsense old-school toon. While her near-bottomless cache of explosives have been confiscated (uncharacteristically willingly) before the start of this contest, Slappy probably could be more than capable of converting a few stray coconuts into decidedly explosive, um, explosives, on her own...not to mention possibly using a few stray boulders as makeshift anvils. All in all, despite her competition including Bugs Bunny, Slappy may take it all. She plans to use the money for a lengthy excursion to Las Vegas, followed by a few new explosives acquisitions...
3. Batman: For six decades and counting, the Dark Knight has proven himself as one of the most popular comic superheroes ever. While lacking superpowers, the Caped Crusader's more than capable of surviving in even the harshest environments, including the desert (in all those Ra's Al Ghul battles), and under the most severe abuse from the likes of the Joker. While the $1 million prize money is a pittance to a billionaire playboy like himself, he does have plans for the dough (a few bean counters are starting to wonder why all that Wayne Enterprises equipment and 12 crates' worth of Bat-shaped decals are being delivered to a certain Stately Wayne Manor ;-)
4. The Warner siblings: After constant whining, these trio were allowed by the judges to be entered in one single contestant slot. Anyway, these three have been known to defeat all manner of bullies, villains, CEO's, megalomaniacal hyperintelligent "Family Guy" infants, and whatnot, all while violating various space-time laws of physics. Indeed, "defeating" the Warners is no cake in the park, and being physically youthful (vs. Bugs/Slappy/Bats), they may be able to easily annoy their way to the $1 mil (Yakko wants to use his $333,333.33 to try to hit up Cindy Crawford for a swimsuit photo shoot, Dot wants to use her $333,333.33 to try to hit up Mel Gibson for a swimsuit photo shoot, and Wakko wants to use his $333,333.33 to try to hit up Don Knotts for a....weekend with him at the amusement park. A heated fight is expected, though, over the fate of the remaining penny of the $1 mil.)
5. Jade Chan: her obnoxious, "hel-LOOOOO?!" and her constant fanboyish worship of her uncle Jackie aside, Jade's never lost a single battle she's helped her uncle in, even despite taking on the Dark Hand and Chandu the demon sorceror (who's declined to participate in this thing---he's trying to figure out how to make sure he, given the show's starting to verge closer to making that final episode in the not-so-distant future, won't wind up unemployed after it's gone and forced to go back to doing voiceovers for Cobra Commander...). Despite her youth, she may be able to take the $1 mill (she still has a few "damages" to cover in Uncle's china shop...).
6. Ash Ketchum: the token "anime" character, but not a token performer. Ash's managed to last multiple seasons fighting in a multitude of Pokemon tournaments and getting out of various scrapes with the help of his allies. Of course, since it's been ruled that Pokemon might be considered as an "external tool", all his Poke-balls have been confiscated beforehand...however, there have been rumors of there being a few Poke-critters lurking within the island's interior, with the possibility of waiting to be found by one Ash Ketchum. With his practice against annoying persistent foes like Team Rocket, Ash may be able to fend off the obnoxiousness of the Warners and Jade, and go on to win the big bucks (to use for gold-plated Poke-equipment and an actual vehicle to travel from one spot to another in instead of all that walking...).
7. Rocket J. Squirrel: Rocky's "never-say-die" attitude makes him our second squirrel entry in this contest, as he and Bullwinkle (who's watching this at home in Frostbite Falls) have defeated Fearless Leader and Boris & Natasha time and time again. All this Cold War-era battling and his clever intellect will make defeating him a tough act to beat. He plans to use the money to make up for the less-than-stellar income that that live-action-and-CGI R&B movie from a few years ago gave....
8. Homer J. Simpson: Having lost all his money in the previous "Survivor" poll contest to various shysters, get-rich-quick schemes, and (mainly) paying for various bills and damages caused by *THE BOY*, Homer's back again for another round. While not having learned much from his past Survivor experience, he does have his usual "dumb luck" on his side, *plus* the rabid fanboy-ish popularity that ensures the "Simpsons" never says "lose" in any ratings match or online poll...thus, making Homer possibly the one that even Bats and Bugs will find challenging to beat.
9. And finally, in a shocking 9th contestant (which has nothing to do with the need to boost this show's ratings), an unusual candidate's been brought in: one Captain James Tiberius Kirk, or aka "Capt. Kirk" to us. Being a cartoon in the early 70's "Star Trek" animated series barely qualifying him for this contest, Capt. Kirk's managed to defeat a multitude of foes time and time again, from godlike omnipotent beings to Klingons to the famous fight with the Gorn. That and his ability to survive in all manner of hostile environments (desert planets, hostile Klingon dungeons, the 1980's, and so forth :-), Kirk might take home the million bucks he needs to get "TekWars" back on the air...
So, who is it?
-B.
1. Bugs Bunny: widely acknowledged as one of, if not the, greatest cartoon character ever created, Bugs' record of defeating all manners of bad guys, annoying bullies, and whatnot is impeccable. With his old-school animated wit and ability to make do in even the harshest environments (the North Pole, the middle of the Sahara Desert, etc.), the best bet might be on that "wascally wabbit". He plans to use the money as savings account fodder to stave off possible unwanted backlash for Warner Bros. making (against his wishes) that "baby Looney Tunes" thingamajig...
2. Slappy Squirrel: with Slappy being as old (or older, depending on who's counting/retconned-in Animaniacs continuity) and experienced as Bugs is, Slappy has also proven herself as one tough, no-nonsense old-school toon. While her near-bottomless cache of explosives have been confiscated (uncharacteristically willingly) before the start of this contest, Slappy probably could be more than capable of converting a few stray coconuts into decidedly explosive, um, explosives, on her own...not to mention possibly using a few stray boulders as makeshift anvils. All in all, despite her competition including Bugs Bunny, Slappy may take it all. She plans to use the money for a lengthy excursion to Las Vegas, followed by a few new explosives acquisitions...
3. Batman: For six decades and counting, the Dark Knight has proven himself as one of the most popular comic superheroes ever. While lacking superpowers, the Caped Crusader's more than capable of surviving in even the harshest environments, including the desert (in all those Ra's Al Ghul battles), and under the most severe abuse from the likes of the Joker. While the $1 million prize money is a pittance to a billionaire playboy like himself, he does have plans for the dough (a few bean counters are starting to wonder why all that Wayne Enterprises equipment and 12 crates' worth of Bat-shaped decals are being delivered to a certain Stately Wayne Manor ;-)
4. The Warner siblings: After constant whining, these trio were allowed by the judges to be entered in one single contestant slot. Anyway, these three have been known to defeat all manner of bullies, villains, CEO's, megalomaniacal hyperintelligent "Family Guy" infants, and whatnot, all while violating various space-time laws of physics. Indeed, "defeating" the Warners is no cake in the park, and being physically youthful (vs. Bugs/Slappy/Bats), they may be able to easily annoy their way to the $1 mil (Yakko wants to use his $333,333.33 to try to hit up Cindy Crawford for a swimsuit photo shoot, Dot wants to use her $333,333.33 to try to hit up Mel Gibson for a swimsuit photo shoot, and Wakko wants to use his $333,333.33 to try to hit up Don Knotts for a....weekend with him at the amusement park. A heated fight is expected, though, over the fate of the remaining penny of the $1 mil.)
5. Jade Chan: her obnoxious, "hel-LOOOOO?!" and her constant fanboyish worship of her uncle Jackie aside, Jade's never lost a single battle she's helped her uncle in, even despite taking on the Dark Hand and Chandu the demon sorceror (who's declined to participate in this thing---he's trying to figure out how to make sure he, given the show's starting to verge closer to making that final episode in the not-so-distant future, won't wind up unemployed after it's gone and forced to go back to doing voiceovers for Cobra Commander...). Despite her youth, she may be able to take the $1 mill (she still has a few "damages" to cover in Uncle's china shop...).
6. Ash Ketchum: the token "anime" character, but not a token performer. Ash's managed to last multiple seasons fighting in a multitude of Pokemon tournaments and getting out of various scrapes with the help of his allies. Of course, since it's been ruled that Pokemon might be considered as an "external tool", all his Poke-balls have been confiscated beforehand...however, there have been rumors of there being a few Poke-critters lurking within the island's interior, with the possibility of waiting to be found by one Ash Ketchum. With his practice against annoying persistent foes like Team Rocket, Ash may be able to fend off the obnoxiousness of the Warners and Jade, and go on to win the big bucks (to use for gold-plated Poke-equipment and an actual vehicle to travel from one spot to another in instead of all that walking...).
7. Rocket J. Squirrel: Rocky's "never-say-die" attitude makes him our second squirrel entry in this contest, as he and Bullwinkle (who's watching this at home in Frostbite Falls) have defeated Fearless Leader and Boris & Natasha time and time again. All this Cold War-era battling and his clever intellect will make defeating him a tough act to beat. He plans to use the money to make up for the less-than-stellar income that that live-action-and-CGI R&B movie from a few years ago gave....
8. Homer J. Simpson: Having lost all his money in the previous "Survivor" poll contest to various shysters, get-rich-quick schemes, and (mainly) paying for various bills and damages caused by *THE BOY*, Homer's back again for another round. While not having learned much from his past Survivor experience, he does have his usual "dumb luck" on his side, *plus* the rabid fanboy-ish popularity that ensures the "Simpsons" never says "lose" in any ratings match or online poll...thus, making Homer possibly the one that even Bats and Bugs will find challenging to beat.
9. And finally, in a shocking 9th contestant (which has nothing to do with the need to boost this show's ratings), an unusual candidate's been brought in: one Captain James Tiberius Kirk, or aka "Capt. Kirk" to us. Being a cartoon in the early 70's "Star Trek" animated series barely qualifying him for this contest, Capt. Kirk's managed to defeat a multitude of foes time and time again, from godlike omnipotent beings to Klingons to the famous fight with the Gorn. That and his ability to survive in all manner of hostile environments (desert planets, hostile Klingon dungeons, the 1980's, and so forth :-), Kirk might take home the million bucks he needs to get "TekWars" back on the air...
So, who is it?
-B.