Anthonynotes
07-10-2002, 02:16 PM
Figured this poll-thingamajig was so popular last time, I figure it'd be worth another go (idea partially inspired by some similar online matchup I saw)...
Setting: the "Weakest Link" game show.... eight contestants are forced to work together to ensure the biggest possible prize, but only *one* will survive until the end. The others are, of course, the "weakest links".
[In walks Anne Robinson, the British host of the show]
ANNE: Whose brain cells aren't firing on all cylinders? Whose ink-and-paint-intellect is in need of a second coat of paint? Let's meet the contestants!
"Greetings...I am Mojo Jojo, of fully mature age for a mature chimpanzee such as myself, from the city of Townsville, which is where I am from, that being my hometown, which of course happens to be Townsville. I intend to use the money to *crush* those diminuitively small tots the POWERPUFF GIRLS!"
"Hi, I'm Lisa Simpson, age 8, from Springfield...I want to use the money to pay for college, donate to various environmental and poverty causes, and [gets hit by a paper airplane with "Bart roolz" written on it] OW! Buy my brother a *brain transplant*.... "
"Hello. My name is *Dexter*... I wish to use this prize money to buy all sorts of *cool* robot parts, and to prove I am superior in intellect to that wretched *Mandark*..."
"Greetings... I am the Brain of Acme Labs in New York City, a genetically altered lab mouse who shall one day be *your* future ruler! I wish to use the prize money to fund my latest plan of world domination... [Hears Pinky laughing off-stage] ...and to buy my friend a *muzzle*."
"Daria Morgandorfer, 16, Lawndale. After losing on that "Survivor" thing to Lisa's, ahem, "father" [Lisa glowers at Daria], thought I'd try my luck here, matching my youthful cynicism against forms of life whose IQ couldn't be measured on a Celsius thermometer...oh, and I plan to use the money for world peace, an end to all hunger, a chance at a bright new future, and to buy Quinn her very own *iron maiden*. [Small smile, as we hear Quinn yell "ick! Iron Maiden is *so* *80's*!!"]"
[We see Wile E. Coyote holding up a sign reading "Wile E. Coyote, SUPER GENIUS"... then holds up another sign showing his home of the American Southwest desert, then a third sign showing the Roadrunner on a plate, with thousands of dollars in ACME equipment shown behind him]
"As you know, I am Lex Luthor of Metropolis...a thirtysomething-year-old CEO, scientific genius, and one who strongly dislikes the Man of Steel. While I have much money to spare, of course, I would like to use this money to fund means of ensuring that Metropolis shall no longer *need* a Kryptonian defender to protect it... [Sinisterly grins]"
"You may call me Uncle; I own a small antique shop in San Francisco, and....what? You want me to tell you how *old* I am?? That is *NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS*!! Though I assure you, my studies of the ancient ways and magic and a long, experienced life have given me much wisdom...moreso than that tick-eating monkey probably has!" [Brain chuckles at this crack]
MOJO: What?! It has been thoroughly established that I *do not* eat ticks, bugs, fleas, parasites, or any other form of insect such as those which I have just listed in its varying forms! Whereas the mouse known as the Brain surely has eaten his fare share via the low and therefore poor quality of those "food pellets" of his, HAW!
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Now hold on, you redundancy-using, tire-swinging lab animal reject---
ANNE: *AHEM*! (All silence their arguing) *Very well*...with that out of the way, it's time to play---the WEAKEST LINK!
---
So, who walks home with the prize money out of these eight brainiacs? :-)
-B.
Setting: the "Weakest Link" game show.... eight contestants are forced to work together to ensure the biggest possible prize, but only *one* will survive until the end. The others are, of course, the "weakest links".
[In walks Anne Robinson, the British host of the show]
ANNE: Whose brain cells aren't firing on all cylinders? Whose ink-and-paint-intellect is in need of a second coat of paint? Let's meet the contestants!
"Greetings...I am Mojo Jojo, of fully mature age for a mature chimpanzee such as myself, from the city of Townsville, which is where I am from, that being my hometown, which of course happens to be Townsville. I intend to use the money to *crush* those diminuitively small tots the POWERPUFF GIRLS!"
"Hi, I'm Lisa Simpson, age 8, from Springfield...I want to use the money to pay for college, donate to various environmental and poverty causes, and [gets hit by a paper airplane with "Bart roolz" written on it] OW! Buy my brother a *brain transplant*.... "
"Hello. My name is *Dexter*... I wish to use this prize money to buy all sorts of *cool* robot parts, and to prove I am superior in intellect to that wretched *Mandark*..."
"Greetings... I am the Brain of Acme Labs in New York City, a genetically altered lab mouse who shall one day be *your* future ruler! I wish to use the prize money to fund my latest plan of world domination... [Hears Pinky laughing off-stage] ...and to buy my friend a *muzzle*."
"Daria Morgandorfer, 16, Lawndale. After losing on that "Survivor" thing to Lisa's, ahem, "father" [Lisa glowers at Daria], thought I'd try my luck here, matching my youthful cynicism against forms of life whose IQ couldn't be measured on a Celsius thermometer...oh, and I plan to use the money for world peace, an end to all hunger, a chance at a bright new future, and to buy Quinn her very own *iron maiden*. [Small smile, as we hear Quinn yell "ick! Iron Maiden is *so* *80's*!!"]"
[We see Wile E. Coyote holding up a sign reading "Wile E. Coyote, SUPER GENIUS"... then holds up another sign showing his home of the American Southwest desert, then a third sign showing the Roadrunner on a plate, with thousands of dollars in ACME equipment shown behind him]
"As you know, I am Lex Luthor of Metropolis...a thirtysomething-year-old CEO, scientific genius, and one who strongly dislikes the Man of Steel. While I have much money to spare, of course, I would like to use this money to fund means of ensuring that Metropolis shall no longer *need* a Kryptonian defender to protect it... [Sinisterly grins]"
"You may call me Uncle; I own a small antique shop in San Francisco, and....what? You want me to tell you how *old* I am?? That is *NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS*!! Though I assure you, my studies of the ancient ways and magic and a long, experienced life have given me much wisdom...moreso than that tick-eating monkey probably has!" [Brain chuckles at this crack]
MOJO: What?! It has been thoroughly established that I *do not* eat ticks, bugs, fleas, parasites, or any other form of insect such as those which I have just listed in its varying forms! Whereas the mouse known as the Brain surely has eaten his fare share via the low and therefore poor quality of those "food pellets" of his, HAW!
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Now hold on, you redundancy-using, tire-swinging lab animal reject---
ANNE: *AHEM*! (All silence their arguing) *Very well*...with that out of the way, it's time to play---the WEAKEST LINK!
---
So, who walks home with the prize money out of these eight brainiacs? :-)
-B.