BourgeoisBuffoon
08-07-2001, 11:36 PM
And I will start off my first thread ever with a fanepisode of H! Tried to make it just like a real one. Rate and Review, please! Oh, yeah:
F. Time-Father Time
BFB-Big Fat Baby
WOW-World's Oldest Woman
QC-Quick Cut to...
KC-Kid Chorus
...
We start off with the "It's Called Histeria!" theme.
_____________________________________________________________
We now have the Loud Kiddington Jingle. You, the viewer, want to get to seeing the new stuff already! :D
_____________________________________________________________
(QC to F. Time in a desert)
Father Time: Around 622 A.D. a fourty year-old merchant named Muhammed had recieved a vision from God that he must spread God's word. The new prophet did so, and began to spread Islam around Arabia. But he was disrupting a profitable trade merchants in his home city of Mecca were having, because Islam taught to be simple and not lavish.
(As he says this, we see images of Mohammed speakng to a crowd, and then leading a bunch of people in traveling)
(QC to two merchants in a store. The store is empty, and the two merchants look depressed)
Merchant 1: Sigh. Ever since that prophet came, bussiness has dwindled. Why?
Mer 2: Because people won't buy things they don't need. Besides, more people are giving money away, so they don't have any to spend. That means our bussiness will be ruined.
(We go to a shot of the whole store. A banner says, 'Sourvineir Shop' and we see a lot of pretty tacky items, like ripped postcards, ugly clothes, and little plastic toys)
Mer 1: We can't cut back on goods, that will make our situation worse! Besides, I don't know any USEFUL profession.
Mer 2: I guess we will have to get rid of Muhammed, won't we?
Mer 1: Yes...
Mer 2: We will kill him! (A he says this, he pulls a sword out. We, however, notice Loud Kiddington walking by, and he stops, having obviously heard this.)
(We then QC to Mohammed reading a book outside. Loud then runs up to him.)
Loud: SIR! SOME MERCHANTS ARE PLOTTING TO KILL YOU!
Muhammed: Really? Why?
Loud: BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING THEM GO OUT OF BUSSINESS WITH HOW YOU'RE TEACHING TO BE HUMBLE!
Moh: Oh my. I'll have to hide somewhere.
Loud: STAY AT MY PLACE!
Muh: Very well. Thank you.
(We QC to a Arabian house.)
Muh: This is a nice place. I will try not to stay lon-
(Suddenly, Pepper comes up)
Pepper: Oh, it's you! I'd never thought I'd meet you! Please give me your autograph! Please please please!
Muh: (looking shocked) Um, okay.( signs book)
(Pepper reads it, but then looks angry)
Pepper: Hey, you're not Aladdin!
Muh: Wha?
(However, the two merchants go by the house and see him)
Mer 2: Get him!
(Muhammed sees them, and starts to run)
F. Time: Muhammed soon got to the city of Yathrib, which had become mainly Muslim. It was soon renamed Medina, "City of the Prophet"
WOW: Soon the Medinans were attacking the Meccans, (We see a scene of the two merchants trying to kill Muhammed being caught by two soldiers and taken off camera) and the Meccan trade was so disrupted that they were forced to accept peace and Muhammed. By then all of Arabia was under Islam.
(QC to Muhammed on a podium He raises both his hands and makes the V for Victory sign. We fade to black)
(We fade back up to F. Time with a map)
F. Time: The Muslims were soon spreading thier faith, and were not only winning new converts, but an empire.
(QC to Miss Info)
Miss Info: The Arabs were spreading into North Africa, the Middle East, and Spain!
(As she says this, we see arrows spreading into said areas on a map behind her)
F. Time: The Muslims were a far more advanced people than any they went up against, and thus were able to take lands without much trouble. The sucess ended at Tours, in France, however....
(QC to a grassy plain. We see two armies fighting each other)
Muslim General: Soon we shall conquer all of Europe! They don't stand a chance!
(Suddenly, Miss Info comes in with her usual tour group)
Miss Info: We're walkin' we're walkin, and we now are in a reenactment of a battle!
MG: What do you mean? What in blazes are you doing here?
Miss Info: Why, giving a tour, silly! That's why this place is called Tours!
MG: I'm pretty sure that's not what it's called for.
Miss Info: Okay, believe what you want, sweetie.
(The general looks annoyed, but then sees a giant catapult boulder coming his way. He screams, and pushes the tour group out of the way.)
Miss Info: Obviously in this reenactment we want to stay clear of anything that comes up.
MG: What reenactment? This is the first time we're fighting the Europeans here!
Miss Info: But you are fighting, right?
MG: Yes...
Miss Info: So you're reenacting a fight!
MG: But this is the first battle here-I mean, we are fighting the Europeans again, however, so that IS kind of a deja vu-oh, now I'm confused!
(Miss Info's group walks away)
(Toast, in a soldier's uniform, comes up)
Toast: Uh, general sir! What do you want the troops to do?
MG: Not now, do whatever you want, I'm trying to think!
Toast: Really?
MG:Yes! Go away!
Toast: Hey,everyone! Do what you want!
(We hear an 'aye' from the battlefield. Unfortuantly, from a far out shot, we see the Muslim ranks start to break down)
MG: (Expasterated) What's happening, colonel?
Toast: You said we could do whatever! Don't blame me!
MG:Rats! I was still trying to make sense of what that tour guide said! I must not have been paying attention to the battle!
(At this point a large boulder comes. Toast sees it and runs away, but the rock falls onto the general before he can do anything. QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Needless to say, the Europeans won a great victory at Tours and no longer had to worry about the Muslims coming anymore. There were more problems to come for the Muslims, however. More and more people were trying to become ruler of the gigantic empire the Muslims had conquered.
(QC to Loud and Froggo arguing)
Loud: I WANT TO BE EMPEROR!
Froggo: No way! I'm suppose to be the hier!
Loud: THAT'S CRAZY TALK!
(Lucky Bob suddenly comes up between the two other boys)
Lucky Bob: I'LL be emperor.
(Both Loud and Froggo look at Bob for a moment, then at each other. They then go back to arguing. We QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Eventually the empire split into different countries (pulls down a map showing the Safadid, Ottoman, and Mughal Empires in different colors) and began to fight amongst themselves. Still, while it lasted, the Muslims had created a grand civilization that had adavanced so much that many features of thier way of life are still in use today. And Islam is still growing, having become the world's second largest religion.
(Suddenly, we see Loud and Froggo tumble into the scene wrestling each other, and accidently bumping into F. Time. All three roll out of the scene. Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
(fade into the Confucious Group set)
Confucious: Hello, welcome to the Confucious group. We have with us the cast of Histeria to answer a question that has plagued mankind for centuries: Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?
(the camera pulls back a bit to show half the Histeria cast on one side, half on the other. Toast then stands up)
Toast: No contest there, dude. It's always been vanilla!
Cho Cho: Of course not! Chocolate is better! Why do you think chocolate has so many varieties like chocolate chip and fudge, while vanilla has just vanilla?
Lucky Bob: You are correct, sir!
Toast: That's 'cuz vanilla NEEDS no improvements.
Miss Infomation: He has a point. When have you ever seen anything new with vanilla? I'll tell you: you never HAVE seen anything new, because it doesn't need it!
Father Time: Then how come chocolate is a lot more common in other sweets then vanilla?
Miss Info: Because it can't compete in ice cream!
(Eveyone except Confucious, who is neutral in this, are looking very angry)
Aka: I'll tell you loons who diss vanilla something: vanilla was voted 'best ice cream flavor' in a poll!
Froggo: Well, vanilla looks like something Big Fat Baby puked up!
Baby: Hey! (in his babyish tone of voice)
Aka: Well, chocolate looks like something BFB POOPED up!
Baby: Hey!
Froggo: That tears it!
World's Oldest Woman: Take from someone who's old enough to know: chocolate can't win!
F. Time: You're old enough, all right.
WOW: Really? You should speak!
F. Time: You were old enough to keep a dinosaur as a pet!
WOW: Yeah? Well, you looked just like you do now when I was a little girl, and that's OLD!
(Enraged, F. Tome jups at WOW, knocking her down. The two sides start attacking, and the usual dust starts appearing so we can't see the whole fight. We do see Loud and Toast with thier hands around each other's necks, WOW slamming F. Time to the ground, and Aka giving Chit a glass jaw, though)
Confucious: Hm. Well, if you can't decide which flavor is better, take my advice: go with strawberry!
(He gets a bowl of strawberry ice cream and starts to eat it while watching the scuffle. Fade to black)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Commercial Break. You realize you have to go to the bathroom-BAD! After doing your business, you get back in time for...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Narrator: And now eyewitness to history: Thee Election of 2000!
(The Eye comes in to the ETH theme holding a ballot card, and dances)
(QC to F. Time and Big Fat Baby in the usual space scene; BFB sash says 2000)
F. Time: Around the winter of 2000 the new presidential race between Al Gore and George W. Bush was heating up.
(QC to a scene of Bush and Gore. Gore looks like a robot, as we see bolts and squeaky hinges. Bush looks like a cariacture of himself, but has a Goofy hat and front teeth. Text under Gore says: LIVES UP TO RHYME OF BORE and Bush text says: DUBYA DUMB)
(QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Everything was going well in the election process, until around Election Day in Palm Beach County, Florida...
(QC to WOW at a voting station.)
WOW: What the...what's that say?
(squints at chad)
WOW: That must say Gore. (she accidently selects Bhuchanan)
WOW: There!
(QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Mostly old ladies, a group of people had misread the chad and had accidently chosen another canidate. Upon hearing of this, they had demanded a recount and revote.
(QC to a neighborhood. Old ladies, among them Granny from Looney Toons and WOW, are protesting, holding signs that say RECOUNT and WE LUV GORE.)
F. Time: (Voiceover) Gore wanted a recount, Bush said they got thier votes done and done. Needless to say, Gore said some famous words in retaliation...
(QC to Gore at a podium, the Democratic donkey from the Barry Ding sketch sitting by him. Gore sounds robotic, and his quote is shown the text that was shown in Bush sir's broccoli quote; with signiature of AL GORE as well)
Gore: I...DEMAND....A...RE...COUNT.
F. Time: (coming onto the stage) And now the Histeria Kid Chorus in WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT! (EDITOR'S NOTE: Song time!)
(QC to Crooked-Mouth Boy, Kip Ling, Froggo, and Loud in suits. They are at the oval office.)
KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? (points at themselves) ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DMENDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME!
(QC to Bush by an oil field)
Bush: (sounds like Goofy) Well the election was nice till this day and it was cool, and everyone was getting along-till you (points to Gore coming in) try to snag those votes along!
Gore: (voice a BIT more quicker) And you say 'no revotes' just so you'd win!
(KC comes in between a Bush and Gore staring each other angrily)
KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME!
(QC to WOW in Palm Beach)
WOW: When I see those chads I get all confused you see so when I wanna skip off
and get outta here
I accidently look wrong and don't pick Gore!
(QC to Bush and Gore with a pres. logo behind them)
Bush: To any woman calling themselves blind
I say "No vote! No way!"
Gore: And there you're rantin'
when ladies are chantin'
"Let us vote! We need it! Please!"
You want them to wait
four more years to wait to vote
thier way?
(QC to Pepper, Bow haired girl, Aka and Charity by a voting booth)
Girls: Well the battle is on
no one's gettin' along,
We gotta get back on
to the election
and say to this mess
"Good bye, we're gone!"
(Boys KC come in)
Boys KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME!
(QC to see Gore spinning on one leg, the other leg and both arms in front of him like Frankinstien while Bush is doing a VERY slight Jiggy dance)
Boys KC: Well when you got these two for choices
we say it's
almost not worth it
but when you need a leader and fast
we would want this vote done in a flash!
(KC wait a second, then speak)
Boys KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH MEEEEEEE!
(End of song as Bush and Gore join in singing the final "MEEE!")
_____________________________________________________________
(Fade in)
Froggo: And now Histeria's Quote of the Day!
(QC to Patrick Henry, who looks like Chit, but has a white colonial wig on. He sits at a desk in a colonial home)
Henry: You know, most people think I said "Give me Liberty or Give me Death!" at the Virginia Convention in Richmond, 1775! And I did say it there-but it wasn't the first time I said it!
(Henry looks angry)
Henry: I said it earlier when the English wouldn't let me do my popcorn fundraiser!
(QC to a shocked Chit holding boxes of popcorn by a door, as George III waves his finger no)
Henry: So give me Liberty...to sell my stuff!
(QC to Froggo)
Froggo: This has been Histeria's Quote of the Day. Thank you.
(Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
(we see Loud and F. Time out in the boonies)
Father Time: Welcome! We are here to present to you a dramatic reenactment of the first bomb to be dropped by a military airplane. Please turn your televison set up to its maximum level. (whispers) Thank you.
(QC to Loud. He puts his fingers into his mouth and whistles)
Loud: EEEEEEEEeeeee....
(Ed. Note: Here it comes)
Loud: BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!
F. Time: (whispering) This has been a dramatic reenactment of the first aerial bomb. Please teturn your volume to its regular settings. (Normal voice) Thank you!
(Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
Froggo: And now Histeria's Quote of the Day!
(QC to Marie Antoinette in a blue letterbox)
Marie: Uh, yeah, hi. I said "Let Them Eat Cake" to the peasants in France in the beginning of the French Revolution, and you know what? They thought I meant a hard bread instead of a birthday cake!
(holds up a birthday cake)
Marie: Tsk, those peasants can be SO dumb!
(A band of peasants then come and take her away)
Marie: Hey! Wait!
(QC to Froggo)
Froggo: This has been Histeria's Quote of the Day. Thank you.
(Fade to black)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Commercial Break. You decide to relax and wait for the show come back on...and it does.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(fade in to Charity)
Narr: And now Words of Wisdom with Charity Bazzar!
Charity: It's not wise to bite the hand that feeds you.
(as she says this, we see in the background Bill Straitman handing a bowl of food to Fetch. Fetch bites Bill's empty hand, however, and screams, dropping the food bowl. He runs off screaming while clutching his bitten hand)
Fetch: Yeah! It tastes worse than the chopped liver he tired to serve me!
(fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
(My Buddy Stalin theme plays. Fade to black)
(We fade back in to see Molly and Stalin reading the paper in the kitchen. Froggo rushes in, bookbag on his back, excitedly)
Froggo: Stalin! Mom! Guess what! I've been asked to do! A history report of my own liking!
Molly: That's wonderful, honey! What are you going to choose?
Froggo: (suddenly looks dejected) Oh...I never thought about that...
Stalin: Do not worry, Froggy. You can do the history of ME!
(Froggo suddenly brightens up)
Froggo: Okay! Can we do a play?
Stalin: Sure! Why not? Just call me when ready.
(Froggo runs off screen happily.)
Molly: Sigh...it's wonderful to have you around, Josef. He's never been happier!...Though his friends seem a bit more nervous when they're around here now.
(Stalin can only laugh. Fade to black)
(Fade back in to Stalin, Gregori, BFB, and Igor (in a lady's wig) outside. Froggo is there as well, but is off a bit from the others.)
Froggo: (holding several peices of paper) Okay...Stalin was born in Georgia in 1879.
(we see Igor rocking BFB as Gregori has a hand on Igor's shoulder.)
Froggo: His life was uneventful until in 1912 he became a member of the communist party.
(QC to the two thugs in party hats. Stalin, in a hat, walks up to them)
(QC to Froggo)
Froggo: In 1924 he became leader of the Soviet Union.
(We see Stalin put on a sash that says LEADER.)
Froggo: He was one of Russia's most influential leaders. The End.
Stalin: That quick?
Froggo: It only has to be five minutes.
Stalin: Da. (he and the thugs walk off)
Froggo: It's so nice to know he would help-
(suddenly, Toast runs by, grabs Froggo's paper, and rips them up)
Froggo: Hey!
Toast: Ha ha! See ya around, loser!
(Froggo starts to cry, and a concerned looking Josef comes rushing in)
Stalin: What happened?
Froggo: That bully Toast ripped up my report!
Stalin: Did he...? I have a plan.
(whispers into Froggo's ear, who perks up. Fade to black)
(Fade back in in the classroom. Froggo and Stalin are standing in front of the class as WOW looks at them nervously)
WOW: Froggo, your report?
Froggo: Yes. It will have to be a bit longer, though.
WOW: But I...(Stalin glares at her, she gulps)...okay.
Froggo: Stalin was born in 1879 in Georgia He...
(Froggo goes on with his report, but we see no Igor, Gregori, or BFB, while Stalin just stands there. However, after the 1912 sentence, Igor and Gregori come in near Toast)
Stalin: I'll take it from here, little buddy. In 1923 I had my rival Leon Trosky "dissapear"! Hahaha!
(The two thugs grab Toast from his desk and take him out of the classroom)
Toast: Hey! WAAAAAGHH!
Stalin: And in that same year I put Lenin's body out for all to see!
(The thugs come back with Toast. Igor stretches Toast's legs down as much as possible, while Gregori pulls Toast's arms up as possible)
Toast: Owwww!
Stalin: And anyone who insulted me or Lenin "dissapeared"!
(The thugs take Toast out of the classroom again, and after sounds of a scuffle, soon come back in-without Toast)
Stalin: De end!
(We QC to Froggo and Stalin's point of view. The class they see looked shocked. Aka claps slowly)
Stalin: Glad you liked it! Now let us all have a break, okey-dokey (glares at WOW)?
WOW: (sweating) O-okay.
(QC to a hall. Froggo and Stalin are walking by, but stop to hear Charity and Loud. The two do not notice Stalin and his little buddy)
Loud: Man, that was one creepy report!
Charity: I know!
(Stalin comes up.)
Stalin: Aw...you do not like it! And we work so hard! Boys, take these two away!
(Igor takes Charity as Gregori takes Loud away)
Loud: HELP! HELP!
Charity: Yes! Hellllppp!
(they are taken off screen. Froggo then hugs Stalin.)
Froggo: That's my buddy Stalin!
(we hear the My Buddy Stalin theme. Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
The "Please Watch Our Show" song comes on. You decide to watch it anyway...and soon the show is done.
...
Well...anyone who goes to the Encyclopedia Histeria board has seen these sketches, but I wanted to group some into an episode...
F. Time-Father Time
BFB-Big Fat Baby
WOW-World's Oldest Woman
QC-Quick Cut to...
KC-Kid Chorus
...
We start off with the "It's Called Histeria!" theme.
_____________________________________________________________
We now have the Loud Kiddington Jingle. You, the viewer, want to get to seeing the new stuff already! :D
_____________________________________________________________
(QC to F. Time in a desert)
Father Time: Around 622 A.D. a fourty year-old merchant named Muhammed had recieved a vision from God that he must spread God's word. The new prophet did so, and began to spread Islam around Arabia. But he was disrupting a profitable trade merchants in his home city of Mecca were having, because Islam taught to be simple and not lavish.
(As he says this, we see images of Mohammed speakng to a crowd, and then leading a bunch of people in traveling)
(QC to two merchants in a store. The store is empty, and the two merchants look depressed)
Merchant 1: Sigh. Ever since that prophet came, bussiness has dwindled. Why?
Mer 2: Because people won't buy things they don't need. Besides, more people are giving money away, so they don't have any to spend. That means our bussiness will be ruined.
(We go to a shot of the whole store. A banner says, 'Sourvineir Shop' and we see a lot of pretty tacky items, like ripped postcards, ugly clothes, and little plastic toys)
Mer 1: We can't cut back on goods, that will make our situation worse! Besides, I don't know any USEFUL profession.
Mer 2: I guess we will have to get rid of Muhammed, won't we?
Mer 1: Yes...
Mer 2: We will kill him! (A he says this, he pulls a sword out. We, however, notice Loud Kiddington walking by, and he stops, having obviously heard this.)
(We then QC to Mohammed reading a book outside. Loud then runs up to him.)
Loud: SIR! SOME MERCHANTS ARE PLOTTING TO KILL YOU!
Muhammed: Really? Why?
Loud: BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING THEM GO OUT OF BUSSINESS WITH HOW YOU'RE TEACHING TO BE HUMBLE!
Moh: Oh my. I'll have to hide somewhere.
Loud: STAY AT MY PLACE!
Muh: Very well. Thank you.
(We QC to a Arabian house.)
Muh: This is a nice place. I will try not to stay lon-
(Suddenly, Pepper comes up)
Pepper: Oh, it's you! I'd never thought I'd meet you! Please give me your autograph! Please please please!
Muh: (looking shocked) Um, okay.( signs book)
(Pepper reads it, but then looks angry)
Pepper: Hey, you're not Aladdin!
Muh: Wha?
(However, the two merchants go by the house and see him)
Mer 2: Get him!
(Muhammed sees them, and starts to run)
F. Time: Muhammed soon got to the city of Yathrib, which had become mainly Muslim. It was soon renamed Medina, "City of the Prophet"
WOW: Soon the Medinans were attacking the Meccans, (We see a scene of the two merchants trying to kill Muhammed being caught by two soldiers and taken off camera) and the Meccan trade was so disrupted that they were forced to accept peace and Muhammed. By then all of Arabia was under Islam.
(QC to Muhammed on a podium He raises both his hands and makes the V for Victory sign. We fade to black)
(We fade back up to F. Time with a map)
F. Time: The Muslims were soon spreading thier faith, and were not only winning new converts, but an empire.
(QC to Miss Info)
Miss Info: The Arabs were spreading into North Africa, the Middle East, and Spain!
(As she says this, we see arrows spreading into said areas on a map behind her)
F. Time: The Muslims were a far more advanced people than any they went up against, and thus were able to take lands without much trouble. The sucess ended at Tours, in France, however....
(QC to a grassy plain. We see two armies fighting each other)
Muslim General: Soon we shall conquer all of Europe! They don't stand a chance!
(Suddenly, Miss Info comes in with her usual tour group)
Miss Info: We're walkin' we're walkin, and we now are in a reenactment of a battle!
MG: What do you mean? What in blazes are you doing here?
Miss Info: Why, giving a tour, silly! That's why this place is called Tours!
MG: I'm pretty sure that's not what it's called for.
Miss Info: Okay, believe what you want, sweetie.
(The general looks annoyed, but then sees a giant catapult boulder coming his way. He screams, and pushes the tour group out of the way.)
Miss Info: Obviously in this reenactment we want to stay clear of anything that comes up.
MG: What reenactment? This is the first time we're fighting the Europeans here!
Miss Info: But you are fighting, right?
MG: Yes...
Miss Info: So you're reenacting a fight!
MG: But this is the first battle here-I mean, we are fighting the Europeans again, however, so that IS kind of a deja vu-oh, now I'm confused!
(Miss Info's group walks away)
(Toast, in a soldier's uniform, comes up)
Toast: Uh, general sir! What do you want the troops to do?
MG: Not now, do whatever you want, I'm trying to think!
Toast: Really?
MG:Yes! Go away!
Toast: Hey,everyone! Do what you want!
(We hear an 'aye' from the battlefield. Unfortuantly, from a far out shot, we see the Muslim ranks start to break down)
MG: (Expasterated) What's happening, colonel?
Toast: You said we could do whatever! Don't blame me!
MG:Rats! I was still trying to make sense of what that tour guide said! I must not have been paying attention to the battle!
(At this point a large boulder comes. Toast sees it and runs away, but the rock falls onto the general before he can do anything. QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Needless to say, the Europeans won a great victory at Tours and no longer had to worry about the Muslims coming anymore. There were more problems to come for the Muslims, however. More and more people were trying to become ruler of the gigantic empire the Muslims had conquered.
(QC to Loud and Froggo arguing)
Loud: I WANT TO BE EMPEROR!
Froggo: No way! I'm suppose to be the hier!
Loud: THAT'S CRAZY TALK!
(Lucky Bob suddenly comes up between the two other boys)
Lucky Bob: I'LL be emperor.
(Both Loud and Froggo look at Bob for a moment, then at each other. They then go back to arguing. We QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Eventually the empire split into different countries (pulls down a map showing the Safadid, Ottoman, and Mughal Empires in different colors) and began to fight amongst themselves. Still, while it lasted, the Muslims had created a grand civilization that had adavanced so much that many features of thier way of life are still in use today. And Islam is still growing, having become the world's second largest religion.
(Suddenly, we see Loud and Froggo tumble into the scene wrestling each other, and accidently bumping into F. Time. All three roll out of the scene. Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
(fade into the Confucious Group set)
Confucious: Hello, welcome to the Confucious group. We have with us the cast of Histeria to answer a question that has plagued mankind for centuries: Chocolate or Vanilla ice cream?
(the camera pulls back a bit to show half the Histeria cast on one side, half on the other. Toast then stands up)
Toast: No contest there, dude. It's always been vanilla!
Cho Cho: Of course not! Chocolate is better! Why do you think chocolate has so many varieties like chocolate chip and fudge, while vanilla has just vanilla?
Lucky Bob: You are correct, sir!
Toast: That's 'cuz vanilla NEEDS no improvements.
Miss Infomation: He has a point. When have you ever seen anything new with vanilla? I'll tell you: you never HAVE seen anything new, because it doesn't need it!
Father Time: Then how come chocolate is a lot more common in other sweets then vanilla?
Miss Info: Because it can't compete in ice cream!
(Eveyone except Confucious, who is neutral in this, are looking very angry)
Aka: I'll tell you loons who diss vanilla something: vanilla was voted 'best ice cream flavor' in a poll!
Froggo: Well, vanilla looks like something Big Fat Baby puked up!
Baby: Hey! (in his babyish tone of voice)
Aka: Well, chocolate looks like something BFB POOPED up!
Baby: Hey!
Froggo: That tears it!
World's Oldest Woman: Take from someone who's old enough to know: chocolate can't win!
F. Time: You're old enough, all right.
WOW: Really? You should speak!
F. Time: You were old enough to keep a dinosaur as a pet!
WOW: Yeah? Well, you looked just like you do now when I was a little girl, and that's OLD!
(Enraged, F. Tome jups at WOW, knocking her down. The two sides start attacking, and the usual dust starts appearing so we can't see the whole fight. We do see Loud and Toast with thier hands around each other's necks, WOW slamming F. Time to the ground, and Aka giving Chit a glass jaw, though)
Confucious: Hm. Well, if you can't decide which flavor is better, take my advice: go with strawberry!
(He gets a bowl of strawberry ice cream and starts to eat it while watching the scuffle. Fade to black)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Commercial Break. You realize you have to go to the bathroom-BAD! After doing your business, you get back in time for...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Narrator: And now eyewitness to history: Thee Election of 2000!
(The Eye comes in to the ETH theme holding a ballot card, and dances)
(QC to F. Time and Big Fat Baby in the usual space scene; BFB sash says 2000)
F. Time: Around the winter of 2000 the new presidential race between Al Gore and George W. Bush was heating up.
(QC to a scene of Bush and Gore. Gore looks like a robot, as we see bolts and squeaky hinges. Bush looks like a cariacture of himself, but has a Goofy hat and front teeth. Text under Gore says: LIVES UP TO RHYME OF BORE and Bush text says: DUBYA DUMB)
(QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Everything was going well in the election process, until around Election Day in Palm Beach County, Florida...
(QC to WOW at a voting station.)
WOW: What the...what's that say?
(squints at chad)
WOW: That must say Gore. (she accidently selects Bhuchanan)
WOW: There!
(QC to F. Time)
F. Time: Mostly old ladies, a group of people had misread the chad and had accidently chosen another canidate. Upon hearing of this, they had demanded a recount and revote.
(QC to a neighborhood. Old ladies, among them Granny from Looney Toons and WOW, are protesting, holding signs that say RECOUNT and WE LUV GORE.)
F. Time: (Voiceover) Gore wanted a recount, Bush said they got thier votes done and done. Needless to say, Gore said some famous words in retaliation...
(QC to Gore at a podium, the Democratic donkey from the Barry Ding sketch sitting by him. Gore sounds robotic, and his quote is shown the text that was shown in Bush sir's broccoli quote; with signiature of AL GORE as well)
Gore: I...DEMAND....A...RE...COUNT.
F. Time: (coming onto the stage) And now the Histeria Kid Chorus in WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT! (EDITOR'S NOTE: Song time!)
(QC to Crooked-Mouth Boy, Kip Ling, Froggo, and Loud in suits. They are at the oval office.)
KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? (points at themselves) ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DMENDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME!
(QC to Bush by an oil field)
Bush: (sounds like Goofy) Well the election was nice till this day and it was cool, and everyone was getting along-till you (points to Gore coming in) try to snag those votes along!
Gore: (voice a BIT more quicker) And you say 'no revotes' just so you'd win!
(KC comes in between a Bush and Gore staring each other angrily)
KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME!
(QC to WOW in Palm Beach)
WOW: When I see those chads I get all confused you see so when I wanna skip off
and get outta here
I accidently look wrong and don't pick Gore!
(QC to Bush and Gore with a pres. logo behind them)
Bush: To any woman calling themselves blind
I say "No vote! No way!"
Gore: And there you're rantin'
when ladies are chantin'
"Let us vote! We need it! Please!"
You want them to wait
four more years to wait to vote
thier way?
(QC to Pepper, Bow haired girl, Aka and Charity by a voting booth)
Girls: Well the battle is on
no one's gettin' along,
We gotta get back on
to the election
and say to this mess
"Good bye, we're gone!"
(Boys KC come in)
Boys KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME!
(QC to see Gore spinning on one leg, the other leg and both arms in front of him like Frankinstien while Bush is doing a VERY slight Jiggy dance)
Boys KC: Well when you got these two for choices
we say it's
almost not worth it
but when you need a leader and fast
we would want this vote done in a flash!
(KC wait a second, then speak)
Boys KC: WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH ME! WHO DEMANDS A RECOUNT? ME! ME MUH MEEEEEEE!
(End of song as Bush and Gore join in singing the final "MEEE!")
_____________________________________________________________
(Fade in)
Froggo: And now Histeria's Quote of the Day!
(QC to Patrick Henry, who looks like Chit, but has a white colonial wig on. He sits at a desk in a colonial home)
Henry: You know, most people think I said "Give me Liberty or Give me Death!" at the Virginia Convention in Richmond, 1775! And I did say it there-but it wasn't the first time I said it!
(Henry looks angry)
Henry: I said it earlier when the English wouldn't let me do my popcorn fundraiser!
(QC to a shocked Chit holding boxes of popcorn by a door, as George III waves his finger no)
Henry: So give me Liberty...to sell my stuff!
(QC to Froggo)
Froggo: This has been Histeria's Quote of the Day. Thank you.
(Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
(we see Loud and F. Time out in the boonies)
Father Time: Welcome! We are here to present to you a dramatic reenactment of the first bomb to be dropped by a military airplane. Please turn your televison set up to its maximum level. (whispers) Thank you.
(QC to Loud. He puts his fingers into his mouth and whistles)
Loud: EEEEEEEEeeeee....
(Ed. Note: Here it comes)
Loud: BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!
F. Time: (whispering) This has been a dramatic reenactment of the first aerial bomb. Please teturn your volume to its regular settings. (Normal voice) Thank you!
(Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
Froggo: And now Histeria's Quote of the Day!
(QC to Marie Antoinette in a blue letterbox)
Marie: Uh, yeah, hi. I said "Let Them Eat Cake" to the peasants in France in the beginning of the French Revolution, and you know what? They thought I meant a hard bread instead of a birthday cake!
(holds up a birthday cake)
Marie: Tsk, those peasants can be SO dumb!
(A band of peasants then come and take her away)
Marie: Hey! Wait!
(QC to Froggo)
Froggo: This has been Histeria's Quote of the Day. Thank you.
(Fade to black)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Commercial Break. You decide to relax and wait for the show come back on...and it does.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(fade in to Charity)
Narr: And now Words of Wisdom with Charity Bazzar!
Charity: It's not wise to bite the hand that feeds you.
(as she says this, we see in the background Bill Straitman handing a bowl of food to Fetch. Fetch bites Bill's empty hand, however, and screams, dropping the food bowl. He runs off screaming while clutching his bitten hand)
Fetch: Yeah! It tastes worse than the chopped liver he tired to serve me!
(fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
(My Buddy Stalin theme plays. Fade to black)
(We fade back in to see Molly and Stalin reading the paper in the kitchen. Froggo rushes in, bookbag on his back, excitedly)
Froggo: Stalin! Mom! Guess what! I've been asked to do! A history report of my own liking!
Molly: That's wonderful, honey! What are you going to choose?
Froggo: (suddenly looks dejected) Oh...I never thought about that...
Stalin: Do not worry, Froggy. You can do the history of ME!
(Froggo suddenly brightens up)
Froggo: Okay! Can we do a play?
Stalin: Sure! Why not? Just call me when ready.
(Froggo runs off screen happily.)
Molly: Sigh...it's wonderful to have you around, Josef. He's never been happier!...Though his friends seem a bit more nervous when they're around here now.
(Stalin can only laugh. Fade to black)
(Fade back in to Stalin, Gregori, BFB, and Igor (in a lady's wig) outside. Froggo is there as well, but is off a bit from the others.)
Froggo: (holding several peices of paper) Okay...Stalin was born in Georgia in 1879.
(we see Igor rocking BFB as Gregori has a hand on Igor's shoulder.)
Froggo: His life was uneventful until in 1912 he became a member of the communist party.
(QC to the two thugs in party hats. Stalin, in a hat, walks up to them)
(QC to Froggo)
Froggo: In 1924 he became leader of the Soviet Union.
(We see Stalin put on a sash that says LEADER.)
Froggo: He was one of Russia's most influential leaders. The End.
Stalin: That quick?
Froggo: It only has to be five minutes.
Stalin: Da. (he and the thugs walk off)
Froggo: It's so nice to know he would help-
(suddenly, Toast runs by, grabs Froggo's paper, and rips them up)
Froggo: Hey!
Toast: Ha ha! See ya around, loser!
(Froggo starts to cry, and a concerned looking Josef comes rushing in)
Stalin: What happened?
Froggo: That bully Toast ripped up my report!
Stalin: Did he...? I have a plan.
(whispers into Froggo's ear, who perks up. Fade to black)
(Fade back in in the classroom. Froggo and Stalin are standing in front of the class as WOW looks at them nervously)
WOW: Froggo, your report?
Froggo: Yes. It will have to be a bit longer, though.
WOW: But I...(Stalin glares at her, she gulps)...okay.
Froggo: Stalin was born in 1879 in Georgia He...
(Froggo goes on with his report, but we see no Igor, Gregori, or BFB, while Stalin just stands there. However, after the 1912 sentence, Igor and Gregori come in near Toast)
Stalin: I'll take it from here, little buddy. In 1923 I had my rival Leon Trosky "dissapear"! Hahaha!
(The two thugs grab Toast from his desk and take him out of the classroom)
Toast: Hey! WAAAAAGHH!
Stalin: And in that same year I put Lenin's body out for all to see!
(The thugs come back with Toast. Igor stretches Toast's legs down as much as possible, while Gregori pulls Toast's arms up as possible)
Toast: Owwww!
Stalin: And anyone who insulted me or Lenin "dissapeared"!
(The thugs take Toast out of the classroom again, and after sounds of a scuffle, soon come back in-without Toast)
Stalin: De end!
(We QC to Froggo and Stalin's point of view. The class they see looked shocked. Aka claps slowly)
Stalin: Glad you liked it! Now let us all have a break, okey-dokey (glares at WOW)?
WOW: (sweating) O-okay.
(QC to a hall. Froggo and Stalin are walking by, but stop to hear Charity and Loud. The two do not notice Stalin and his little buddy)
Loud: Man, that was one creepy report!
Charity: I know!
(Stalin comes up.)
Stalin: Aw...you do not like it! And we work so hard! Boys, take these two away!
(Igor takes Charity as Gregori takes Loud away)
Loud: HELP! HELP!
Charity: Yes! Hellllppp!
(they are taken off screen. Froggo then hugs Stalin.)
Froggo: That's my buddy Stalin!
(we hear the My Buddy Stalin theme. Fade to black)
_____________________________________________________________
The "Please Watch Our Show" song comes on. You decide to watch it anyway...and soon the show is done.
...
Well...anyone who goes to the Encyclopedia Histeria board has seen these sketches, but I wanted to group some into an episode...