Brainatra
05-06-2001, 10:38 PM
While I wait for "Spaced Out Warners" to get transferred over, thought I'd post this: stuff written via AOL IM over the months by me, James, & Romey. All in the format of our favorite departed cartoon chop-job show/title parody source: The Cat and Bunny Motor Speedway Indy 500 Big Easily Entertained Hoosiers Show...er...or whatever...enjoy! :-)
---
[We see rolling the opening credits to the Cat and Bunny AOL-y 486-PC Big Low Baud Modem Speed Show, complete with the usual stock footage of Brain being run down by a whizzing pinball, Pinky sitting around laughing, Yakko and Wakko holding crudely-spliced-in "cheese and pepperoni" pizzas, etc. Finally, we cut to the opening scene, featuring everyone's favorite TBCS hosts, Karen and Kirby, seated inside of a movie theater...]
KAREN: Welcome, everyone, to this very special edition of the Big Cartoonie Show! Tonight, we'll be presenting a very special series of unused plot material for fanfic stories!
KIRBY: Yes...you see, we were asked by the head honchos to make this special episode, to air during those dull, long summer months that'd ordinarily be filled with reruns, reality shows, Regis Philbin, and the like...and we're *not* doing this just because we *desperately* need the money, or because the head gurus need to make back the bucks they blew on that CGI pinball machine opening title sequence, *or* because our careers have burned out faster than Lou Bega's... (Karen jabs Kirby in the side, shutting him up)
KAREN: (Sternly whispering) *Ix-nay on our areers-cay*... (In normal voice) And we'll be having very special guests during this episode of the Big Cartoonie Show....so sit back, relax, and *enjoy*! Our first clip centers around the "Pinky and the Brain" episode "Two Mice and a Baby"---namely, to resolve the issue of how Brain could've been using a personal computer if the Man of Steel landed on Earth around 30 years in the past, well before they were envisioned for home use... (shakes her head) Who *writes* this stuff?!
KIRBY: (Muching on popcorn) Or for *that* matter, *who cares*?! I mean, this sounds like it's going to be *so nerdy*, I'd rather change the channel to something else instead of sit through this---(realizes what he's saying) er, what I mean is, "don't touch that dial"! Heh, heh...
KAREN: (Slaps her face) Just roll the clip... (the theater darkens, and the clip's about to roll) May I have a *word* with you, Mr. Kirby? (Drags him off-screen as the clip begins...we see a title card read: "'PC or Not PC' by Romey & Brainatra")
[We see a caption at the bottom of the screen reading "30 years ago", when this takes place, and fade in on ACME Labs, where we see Brain is excited about something---he's standing over something that resembles one of those old one piece PC's with a built-in keyboard...]
BRAIN: Behold! The "Brain-iac 5000"! The most powerful computing tool, the likes of which the world has never *seen*...powered by the blazing might of over 2 *kilobytes* of RAM!
PINKY: Oooooh!
BILLIE: *Two* kilobytes?! (Breaks down laughing, laughing so hard that soon Pinky begins laughing as well, for no good reason; they both fall backwards. Brain looks at them sternly)
BILLIE: (Finally getting up) Sorry, Eggy.... (giggles some more) It's just that----
PINKY: *Two kilobytes*...HAHAHAHA! (Falls over laughing again, as does Billie....)
BRAIN: *AHEM*?! (The two get back up)
BILLIE: Sorry, Eggy...(wipes a tear from her eye) but, well, it's just that I could build a better computer than that...with at least a *billion* times the amount of RAM!
BRAIN: Please Billie...no one needs *that* much computing power! This is all anyone would need!
BILLIE: But it'd be hard to hook up to a worldwide network of computers and access all sorts of information and...and...um, Eggy, why are you staring at me like that?
BRAIN: Nonsense! There's no future in networking, let alone global networking! Besides, what's would people do on such a network anyway?
BILLIE: (Filing her nails) Uh...I dunno...waste time discussing TV programs?
BRAIN: Ridiculous... next thing, you'll be saying they'd find a way to pirate music over it...
BILLIE: Hmm...well, with the right program, perhaps music could be digitized, and stored on these computers, and....(begins scrawling on a piece of paper)
BRAIN: Please...as if anything would replace the LP..and within our own *lifetimes* no less! (holds up an LP cover) As if the dulcet tones of Gladys Squire's soulful rendition of "Midday Bus to Macon" could ever be rendered into some cold, digitized format---(sees Billie's still scrawling) forget those infernal calculations... it would take at least 61,440 kilobytes per minute of data to store an accurate digital copy of a given song...
BILLIE: *Please*...I could develop some way to, I dunno, compress it maybe to a smaller size...?
BRAIN: Bah... even if you achieved a 10:1 compression ratio, you'd still be dealing with over 1024 kilobytes per minute... that kind of storage would require a computer bigger than this entire lab!
BILLIE: Not with *my* computer designs...this "Brain-iac" of yours looks like it could barely operate as a simple...calculation device...
BRAIN: A *calculator*?! Please...
PINKY: Ooh, ooh I know! I know! What if you had a computer that could... umm... make its own reality, POIT!
BRAIN: Don't make me hurt you, Pinky...
BILLIE: A *virtual* sort of reality?
BRAIN: No more realistic than the one *both* of you seem to exist in already...I mean, what intelligent person would want to spend their time discussing some insipid television program over a glorified *typewriter*?!
BILLIE: Well, if they were really big fans, and had watched those episodes a lot...of course, it'd be easier to have some sort of device to rewatch old episodes on at will so one *could* make observations...hmm...
BRAIN: I can't believe what I'm hearing... I create the most powerful computer a person could ever need, and you two are off dreaming up ridiculous uses for some device that could never physically exist...
BILLIE: Well, television stations use video reel recording equipment...maybe if there was a way of getting it miniaturized, and into every home....
BILLIE: And your "powerful computer" still looks like it's not even powerful enough to balance a checkbook...
BRAIN: (Flatly) Never an ounce of appreciation or respect...
BILLIE: Aw, don't take it personally, Eggy...I'm just offering a few suggestions...want me to help boost it in power a bit? If I could find some more memory for it...though it *is* rather expensive...and hard to find...
BRAIN: Find more memory? Isn't it sufficient to hardwire it to the rest of the system?
BILLIE: (Blankly stares before speaking) You're *kidding*, right? How could you boost its power without modular add-on memory units? Hardwiring it renders the whole *thing* unusable if you need more power...
BRAIN: As I was saying... it already has more than enough power! No sane person could ever want or need more!
PINKY: Oooh, well, it *could* use a bit more...I bet it could store recipes, NARF!
BRAIN: As I was saying, no *sane* person...
BILLIE: Hmph...well, if you don't need me to upgrade it, I'll just build my own...
BRAIN: Fine...
BILLIE: (Under her breath) Thinks he can take over the world in one night, but doesn't have the forsight to see beyond the next day...
BRAIN: I *heard* that! And mark my words, the "Brain-iac" is powerful enough to appease the general public, and allow me to take over the *world*!
BILLIE: Sure, Eggy...(off-screen) Now where did we put that extra electronics equipment?
BRAIN: (Chuckles) Indeed... (turns to his "powerful" computer; types) Time for a test of this powerful, mighty tool... (types) "10: Hello World....20: GOTO 10....30 RUN" (Hits return; glares at screen) "SYNTAX ERROR"?!? What the---?!?
BILLIE: (Walks over) Umm... is that supposed to happen, Eggy?
BRAIN: (Glares at Billie) Um....of course! A handy, easy-to-understand error message! (Tries typing some more, then looks even more irate at the screen)
BILLIE: Is "core dump" a handy, helpful message as well?
BRAIN: (Sternly) Don't you have a computer of your *own* to build?!
BILLIE: I'm workin', I'm workin'... have some patience.
BRAIN: Indeed... (turns back to his machine) Hmm....(frowns) Hmph...(looks even more annoyed as he types, before growing frustrated) Perhaps it needs an additional external information input device..like a cassette recorder...
(Sounds of Billie laughing from off-screen, followed by saying "a *cassette recorder*?!?")
BRAIN: YES!!!
BILLIE: Le'me guess... you'll call it a 'DAT' tape, and try to use it to beat me at the game of digital music?
BRAIN: ER, no...I was going to use a tape player/recorder as a means to store information on, and input that into the mighty Brain-iac 5000!
BILLIE: Kind of a slow means of recording information, isn't it? Sure, it'd store a lot of info, but accessing it would be a pain in the neck. Of course, since you're insistent on your (mocks Brain's voice/makes fingers into "quote marks") "powerful 2 K of RAM", I guess it's a moot point.
BRAIN: (Silent for a moment, before responding) I believe some spare electornics parts are in that drawer over there....
BILLIE: Thanks! (Exits; Brain goes back to his computer)
BRAIN: (Thinking) Hmm... now that she mentions it... how would I access said data from the tape? (Out loud) I suppose I could yank out the keyboard and plug the tape player in place...
BILLIE: (Off-screen) That thing only has *one* input port, and it's just for the keyboard?! *Tsk, tsk*....
BRAIN: What does *that* mean?
BILLIE: Oh, nothing...you'll have to see *my* computer when it's done! (Giggles; Brain shakes his head in disgust)
BRAIN: Next she'll have Pinky designing the OS...
PINKY: (Off-screen) Oooh, I think you should be able to use lots of little pictures to stand for things! NARF! And make the pictures look like folders and notepads and all our other stationery! HAHAHA!
BILLIE: (Off-screen) Oh, good idea, Pinky! That, and an alternate option of a command-line interface thrown in ought to make this thing done in no time!
BRAIN: It won't be *soon* enough, if she keeps bothering me...(types some more)
PINKY: Oh, oh! And maybe you could have it so you hit the "START" button to shut it down! Ha ha, NARF!
BRAIN: Aren't you done *yet*? With the speed at which you design these type of things....
BILLIE: Patience, remember? Besides, this is kinda fun!
BRAIN: Um, yes *fun*...and allowing the path to *world domination*! (Pan over to see Brain's growing annoyed) Hmph....
(Fanfic Montage Sequence...shots of Pinky giggling at Billie's computer screen, Billie typing away at a mouse-sized keyboard, and Brain clawing his hair at his screen....finally, we cut back to Brain, who looks elated)
BRAIN: YES! I've done it! (Proudly) Billie, Pinky...I've managed to make the screen change *colors* intermittently!
PINKY: (Heard in the distance) Wha ha ha haaa! Get the rocket launcher! No wait, behind you! Run!
BILLIE: I see him! I see him! Woo hoo, I got the quad-damage! Pinks, your health is running kinda low! ...oh, I love network gaming!
BRAIN: *NETWORK* gaming?!? Who in the Sam Hill are you *playing* against?!
BILLIE: These computer programmers at MIT! Just sent them a copy of this game I wrote by electronic mail, and they did the rest!
BRAIN: "Electronic mail"?! What th---(walks over to see Billie's computer, and we see it resembles a typical modern-day PC, complete with a printer and scanner...a phone line leads out from the back of it)
BILLIE: (Glances at Brain, pauses, blinks) What?
BRAIN: Billie...this thing's...how...?
BILLIE: (Shrugs) Once Pinky and I got the basic specs down, the rest was a snap! Um...so, how's your computer comin' along?
BRAIN: Well, it... (Proudly) can display eight colors simultaneously! Just how many can yours display? Hmm?
BILLIE: Umm... we gave up counting them once we hit 32-bit color.
BRAIN: *32* bits just for *color*?! Why do you need *that* much horsepower?!?
BILLIE: To play a digitized version of John Denver's latest single? (Clicks the mouse, and one of his songs begin playing)
PINKY: To play really neat games with women with Big Futuristic-Type Guns? NARF! HAHAHAHA!
BRAIN: You'd waste all that power on mere games?!
BILLIE: Of course *not*...we also digitized the "Theme From Shaft", wrote a multiple page document on the rising price of gas, electronically mailed this game copy to those students at MIT, planned out the lab's budget for the next 10 years, *and* stored some recipes! Plus, we're gonna scan in some pictures of Pinky later on!
BRAIN: (Flabbergasted) Wha..."scan"...the...?!? (Grows self-confident again) Well, I can assure you that my computer's *still* capable of...of...
BILLIE: Collecting dust?
BRAIN: (Annoyed) *No*...it does a task more *important* than such a stationary function...
BILLIE: Calculating the vectors of every atom in a hurricane, to predict the weather and save lives?
BRAIN: Er...(discretely jots what she said down on a piece of paper) Of course! In *time*....but it's main task will be to aid me *take over the world*!
BILLIE: How? By giving people a seizure with changing screen colors? (Giggles)
BRAIN: Noooo... although that does sound oddly familiar, somehow...
BILLIE: Actually, it *does*....and rather *icky*, for some reason...still, I don't see how your computer can compete against *mine*....
BRAIN: Hmph...you're *on*! My machine of might and power against your frivolous, glorified game-playing device!
BILLIE: Which benchmark test would you like to try? I devised a handfull while programming this thing... I also took a peak at your hardware, and built a program which can emulate your entire machine at 100x it's original speed... would you like to test with that one?
BRAIN: "Benchmark tests"?!? (Shakes his head) Wait---just *when* were you "taking a peek" at my hardware?!
BILLIE: When you were trying to record your manifesto on that tape recorder to plug into your "Brain-iac 5000"...
BRAIN: *Indeed*...very well, then, we'll have Pinky give us both a task and try to see whose computer does the best job in solving it! Name a task, Pinky....
PINKY: Umm... render a pretty scene of hills and mountains, shrouded in mist, set in front of a lovely sunset with sparkly rays of light shining between the foothills? POIT?
BRAIN: Ha! A simple enough task....
BILLIE: I dunno...I've seen boxes of *crayons* with more color choices than your thing has...
BRAIN: ENOUGH! I shall render a computerized piece of scenery lovely enough to put in a museum!
BILLIE: Ah-ha... but at what resolution? 2 by 2? Ha ha, natch!
BRAIN: Just you *wait*... let's go! (Fast forward 10 minutes)
BILLIE: Done! And at a 1024x768 resolution, with *48*-bit color!
PINKY: Oooh, you even drew a little baby deer! Aww...
BILLIE: Got the image from those MIT engineers...they're experimenting with buiding one of those home video playback units I suggested in that same electronic mail message, and decided to use a copy of "Bumpee, the Dearest Deer"...once they inputted it into their computers, and sent me a copy, I just edited the image, and....hm...say, Eggy, how's *your* image coming along?
BRAIN: Still waiting on the first pixel... but when it's done, it will surely out-do yours!
BILLIE: The first *pixel*?!?
PINKY: Um...do you need help?
BRAIN: *No*...
(Twenty minutes later...we see Brain's finally finished his image)
PINKY: (Squinting) Umm... what is it a picture of, again?
BRAIN: (Exasperated) It's a mountain scene! That's a waterfall...and that's a tree...
BILLIE: Looks more like a big green rectangle next to a big blue rectangle...
BRAIN: (Nervous) Er...it's... abstract art! *YES*!
BILLIE: *Right*. Eggy, it can't even draw a picture befitting a *three* year old...how's it going to help you take over the world? There's no way to input anything without yanking out the keyboard, there's no way it can transmit anything without taking a power drill and punching a few holes in the back to run some cables into, there's no way to print images or anything....it couldn't even print that stupid "hello world" test message! What good is this thing?
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Hmph... well can yours... can yours...
BILLIE: (Slightly taunting) Anything yours can do... if it could do *anything* ...and better.
PINKY: Brain, it's OK...besides, Billie's computer is really *nice*! Besides, we could always use your computer as...um...
BILLIE: A *doorstop*? (Giggles)
BRAIN: I don't get it... how can yours possibly do any of the things it's doing?!
BILLIE: Um....more horsepower? Not using the power equivalent of a three-watt lightbulb? Though I'd say it most likely has something to do with the extra RAM it has. Face it, Eggy...LED displays have more power than the "Brain-iac 5000" has; 2 K just ain't cuttin' it.
BRAIN: How much *do* you have?!
BILLIE: Uhh... 256 megs, easy. And that's not counting the L1 and L2 caches, and high speed registers built into the processor.
BRAIN: (Astonished) *Caches*?! *256*?!? Good *lord*, that's...
PINKY: Um, a lot, POIT?
BRAIN: (Pouts)
BILLIE: C'mon, Eggy...just say it...it's OK..
BRAIN: Oh..*FINE*! Your computer's actually....higher powered. (Cringes)
BILLIE: Aw, thanks, Eggy! I'll even let you use it sometime....after I'm done! (Giggles)
PINKY: Yeah, we're planning to upgrade, starting tomorrow! POIT!
BRAIN: *UPGRADE*?!?
BILLIE: What can I say? The technology goes outdated so *quickly*...
BRAIN: (Shakes his head, he walks back to his computer, and glares at it....cut to moments later, as we see Billie and Pinky in front of their computer, laughing intermittently...we see Brain walk back over to the mice)
BILLIE: Hey, Eggy....we're about to watch the recorded-off-the-TV-and-then-digitized version of last night's "Mary Tyler Moore" episode! Care to join us?
BRAIN: (Sullen) *No*.
PINKY: Say, having fun with your computer, Brain?
BILLIE: Um...where *is* your computer, Eggy?
BRAIN: (Nervous) Er, well...
BILLIE: C'mon, you didn't get rid of it did you? It was a learning experience, wasn't it?
BRAIN: *What* learning experience?! All I learned was that I've been humiliated by someone without world-domination desires yet again...
PINKY: That, and how you should put more colors in your next computer, POIT!
BILLIE: You could have swallowed your pride and joined us...
BRAIN: Maybe, but I still think my efforts weren't *completely* ungrounded!
BILLIE: No, but *ours* are....see the grounded cords? (Points at the computer's three-pronged cords)
BRAIN: (Growls) Hrmph....I can see I'm not appreciated here....I have half a mind to get my "Brain-iac 5000" out of...er...um...
BILLIE: Out of *where*, Eggy?
BRAIN: Umm... never you mind. I'll be back shortly...
[We see Brain race off...we hear what sounds like a garbage can lid being pushed off, followed by clanging noises]
BILLIE: Um...Eggy?
BRAIN: (Off-screen) Just a minute!
PINKY: What do you suppose he's up to?
BILLIE: Fishing out from the trash the remains of his computer, I suppose... hmm... do you think we maybe went too hard on him?
PINKY: Well, he did seem kinda upset...(gasps) Maybe we could help him update it?
BILLIE: "Upgrade", Pinky...but I dunno; he still seems full of pride over the whole thing....
[Brain returns, with his computer...or what's left of it; wires are sprawling from the loosened back, with a few keys' springs popped up...Brain sheepishly grins]
[The clip ends here...cut to the theater with Karen and Kirby, now looking decidedly bored...]
KAREN: Kirby, I guess you were right---this *was* a waste of time. *And* *beyond* nerdy... I mean, "digital compression"?! I could've written more amusing dialogue than *that*!
KIRBY: Yeah.... (reads a paper) And we'll be right back, after *this*...
[Commercials pushing "reruns of reruns" of "Batman Beyond" and Pokemon: Whatever-the-current-batch-of-episodes'-are-subtitled play...then, cut back to the brief bumper for the Cat and Bunny "Louie Louie" Golden Oldie Big Bopper Show...]
KAREN: Welcome back, all! The next clip features the mice again, in a contest of further intellectual contesting, also an "unfinished" story. Apparently Brain and Billie, after hearing about the Legion of Superheroes all owning rings allowing them to fly, decide to match wits and invent flight rings of their own! (Shakes her head) Who comes up with this stuff?!
KIRBY: Not me...if it were me, I'd write a story with those mice *getting their groove on*! (Does disco dancing)
KAREN: Um....didn't see "Saturday Morning Fever", did we?
KIRBY: (Still dancing) Sorry, babe, I only fake bein' sick on weekdays to get outta school...
KAREN: (Sighs) *Never mind*... just roll the cartoon...
[The clip begins....as we open on ACME Labs, we see the mice are embroiled in an argument over whether an antigravity-generating "flight ring" is a technical feasibility]
BILLIE: Well, Eggy, I'll prove to you it *is* possible and *invent* a "flight" ring! (Grabs a piece of paper and a small hunk of charcoal) OK, lessee...um...gee, this is gonna be tougher than makin' that hypervelocity suit...and *that* took only one dull Sunday evening full 'a reruns and sports highlights!
BRAIN: *Sigh*...even *you* can't invent something like an antigravitational ring in a narrow span of time...though *I*, on the other hand....*ahem*... [raises an eyebrow]
BILLIE: Knowing you, it would backfire and *triple* gravity for the person wearing it...
BRAIN: HA! Please...any simpleton could ensure that increasing such gravitational effect in such a way could be easily avoided... [Glances at Pinky, who's banging his head with a spoon] Well, *almost* any simpleton...besides, I've made far more inventions than *you* have---surely creating such a ring should be child's play!
BILLIE: You may have more inventions under your belt than myself, but so far 100% of mine have worked, and I've yet to see *one* invention of yours accomplish your goal of world conquest for you...
BRAIN: [Winces at this remark] Don't start with me, Billie...besides, it's only a matter of *time* before such an invention achieves that goal...besides, all of my inventions *have* worked...it's just that *circumstances* conspire to their not having the desired world-conquering effect...
PINKY: [Walking over, partially hearing Billie's "under your belt" remark] Um, actually, Brain, we don't *wear* belts...or *clothes*. HAHAHA! (Brain rolls his eyes)
BILLIE: Just wait, Eggy... I'll have a fully functional anti-grav ring built in no time.
BRAIN: Hmm...if you wish to match your brain against my mental brawn, very well...I, *too* shall attempt to construct such a ring...
BILLIE: YEah, "attempt" is right...[Grabs the still-giggling Pinky] C'mon, Pinky...we've got a flight ring ta build!
BRAIN: So do *I*..besides, I still have to formulate another plan to take over the world...this *may* prove to be quite valuable...[Glances over to the two other mice, seeing they're engrossed in "Legion of Super-Heroes" comics for "research"] This'll be child's play...
[Cut to *much* later...we see both geniuses look *very* exhausted...as does Pinky...]
BILLIE: Gee, this was harder than it *looks*...wonder how "Mr. Inventor"'s makin' out...
BRAIN: Don't bother checking on me... the polarity seems to be reversed, but I'll have that fixed shortly!
BILLIE: Ha!
BILLIE: I *knew* this wasn't gonna be easy for you!
BRAIN: [Wiping his brow] Oh, *really*? How are *you* making out?
BILLIE: Oh, I'm...um...uh....doing....*fine*, really *fine*! Right, Pinky?
[Pan over to see that Pinky's reading through an old Legion comic, and giggling...]
PINKY: *WAHAHAHA*! This guy almost has the same name as Brain! *NARF*! (Points to a picture of Legionnaire member "Brainiac 5"]
BRAIN: Oooh, yes, *lots* of progress *there*...
BILLIE: Still, I doubt you'll beat me any time soon...
[Billie runs back to her side of the lab, and gets back to work...]
BRAIN: It'll take more than comic book pseudoscience to succeed...this is *reality*! And soon, this *flight ring* will be a reality! *YES*!
[Cut to a Fanfic Montage....the usual stuff: Pinky laughing at old comics/TV, Billie wiping her brow, Brain drinking water, the clock's hands winding forward...soon,though, both mice shout "Eureka" at once...]
BILLIE: Hey Eggy! I've got it! Take *that*!
BRAIN: And you may promptly take it back! *I* have succeeded first!
BILLIE: Have not, I finished first!
BRAIN: Come over here, and we'll see about that!
BILLIE: *Fine*!
[We see Billie enter, wielding on her fist a gold-colored ring...]
BILLIE: DiDn't have time to paint it silver, but here it is! *Ta-da*!
BRAIN: And I, too, have such a ring! [Flashes his finger, showing his hand] Now, let's test it out!
PINKY: [Walking over to Brain] Multiple choice?
BRAIN: Normally I'd have to hurt you, Pinky...but no time! I have to show Billie what *my* genius is capable of!
(Billie rests her hands behind her head, and hovers in circles around Brain, much to his annoyance)
BILLIE: And what kind capability might *that* be, Eggy? Hmm...?
BRAIN: [Briefly flashes a bit of surprise, then goes back to a smug look] *THIS*!
[Brain leaps off the edge of the counter, and begins to hover...Brain shouts, "YES!]
PINKY: See, Billie? It *didn't* start increasing its gravitational pull-thingy like you thought it would, *NARF*! Um, whatever *that* is...
BILLIE: [Rolling her eyes] Well, I guess I gotta admit, Eggy *did* pull it off after all...
BRAIN: Yes, but since my own genius behind it, mine is surely superior to yours...
BILLIE: Is that so?! We'll just see...
[Billie begins flying about the room, and zooms down on Brain like a dive bomber....Brain zips out of the way, and begins flying around the lab...we hear "dramatic" music a la Superman:TAS...pan over to see that Pinky's turned on this very show on the TV. He quickly turns it off, though...]
BILLIE: Tell ya what, Eggy... how about we have a little competition? And we'll let *Pinky* decide on the challenge. What do ya say?
BRAIN: {Glances over at Pinky, who's running around with his arms spread out like airplane wings, making propellor noises] Very well...what do you propose?
PINKY: Oh, let's see who can hold their breath for the longest out in space! Narf!
BILLIE: Um....try something a bit less *deadly*, Pinks...
PINKY: OK! Um...uh...ooh, I've got it! First one to fly around the world *wins*! HAHAHA!
BRAIN: Fly around the *world*? HA! With this ring of mine, I thee...*WIN*!
BILLIE: And with *this* ring of mine...I'll beat the pants off ya! Ha!
PINKY: HAHAHA..."I thee win"! NARF! That's really funny, Brain!
BRAIN: Thank you, Pinky...now let's get this show on the road...or in the air, as it may be!
BILLIE: See ya 'round Eggy! (Billie zips off)
BRAIN: Eh-hem... we haven't begun yet.
BILLIE: (Zipping back) "Oops! Sorry, natch!
BRAIN: We'll need to make this as official as possible. We'll need some elaborate tracking system, with a reasonable degree of accuracy...
BILLIE: Oh, c'mon! Let's just get goin'! Unless you want to waste time finding a stopwatch, or finding judges, or something...
PINKY: Ooh, I know! How about wrist bands that can double as generators for some weather controlling thingie? Poit!
BRAIN: Hmm... as loathe as I am to take up yet *another* Flash-related suggestion...very well! It won't take long at all for me to construct such armbands---
BILLIE: [Walking over to the boys] Finished! Actually, I made 'em a long time ago...when me and Pinky tried racing around the kitchen sink a few weeks ago. [Hands one to Brain]
BRAIN: [Slaps his face, then sighs heavily] Billie, I believe you---oh, never *mind*. Let's get going...
BILLIE: Sure thing! [Walks over to the tracking device Brain built in "Two Mice and a Baby" and turns it on] This'll track the two of us while Pinky stays here and watches! Of course, this'll be over with so fast, it'll make your oversized head hurt, Eggy! Teehee!
BRAIN: I wouldn't be too quick with the references to my cranial size just *yet*, Billie...let's roll!
[Cut to an open window, where the two genius mice are about to take off...PInky waves a checkered flag around wildly...]
PINKY: On your mark, get set---uh...um...oh,yes, yes: *GO*! *NARF*!
[The two mice take off into the air, sending Pinky spiraling in a gust of wind...he falls on the sill, and giggles...pan over to see the tracking device is showing the mice heading eastward over New York City...we see various people look up in the sky, thinking they see something...]
MAN: Look, up in the sky!
MAN #2: It's a bird!
WOMAN: It's a *plane*!
A STARTLED, GLASSES-WEARING MAN WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE A CERTAIN FORMER RESIDENT OF SMALLVILLE, KANSAS: Um...well, I can safely say it *isn't* the next line in that cliched catchphrase...
[Cut to the mice, as they zoom across New York City's skyline...they buzz across the harbor, and over the Atlantic Ocean...]
BILLIE: (Flying upside down, in a restful pose) "Relax, Eggy, you're trying too hard to keep up! Unless of course your model *requires* you to put every ounce of effort into this... it's so much more relaxing my way... ::yawn::"
BRAIN: [Frowning] Just you *wait*! By the time we get to the end of this thing, you'll be *glad* you saved up every ounce of strength! [Brain zooms ahead, past Billie...Billie whirls a bit in the air, blinks rapidly, then takes off after Brain...]
[Cut to much later, where we see the mice are zooming across the Pacific Ocean...despite the distance, they look quite determined...we see a killer whale breach the surface, in an oh-so-dramatic, breath-taking shot that would make Sharklady proud...]
BILLIE: [Still looking relaxed] Pretty neat, eh, Eggy? Wish I'd brought my camera...
BRAIN: [Looking a bit tired] Please, Billie...I have more important things to think about than sightseeing! Like *victory*! [Zooms ahead...as the clip ends....]
---
[We see rolling the opening credits to the Cat and Bunny AOL-y 486-PC Big Low Baud Modem Speed Show, complete with the usual stock footage of Brain being run down by a whizzing pinball, Pinky sitting around laughing, Yakko and Wakko holding crudely-spliced-in "cheese and pepperoni" pizzas, etc. Finally, we cut to the opening scene, featuring everyone's favorite TBCS hosts, Karen and Kirby, seated inside of a movie theater...]
KAREN: Welcome, everyone, to this very special edition of the Big Cartoonie Show! Tonight, we'll be presenting a very special series of unused plot material for fanfic stories!
KIRBY: Yes...you see, we were asked by the head honchos to make this special episode, to air during those dull, long summer months that'd ordinarily be filled with reruns, reality shows, Regis Philbin, and the like...and we're *not* doing this just because we *desperately* need the money, or because the head gurus need to make back the bucks they blew on that CGI pinball machine opening title sequence, *or* because our careers have burned out faster than Lou Bega's... (Karen jabs Kirby in the side, shutting him up)
KAREN: (Sternly whispering) *Ix-nay on our areers-cay*... (In normal voice) And we'll be having very special guests during this episode of the Big Cartoonie Show....so sit back, relax, and *enjoy*! Our first clip centers around the "Pinky and the Brain" episode "Two Mice and a Baby"---namely, to resolve the issue of how Brain could've been using a personal computer if the Man of Steel landed on Earth around 30 years in the past, well before they were envisioned for home use... (shakes her head) Who *writes* this stuff?!
KIRBY: (Muching on popcorn) Or for *that* matter, *who cares*?! I mean, this sounds like it's going to be *so nerdy*, I'd rather change the channel to something else instead of sit through this---(realizes what he's saying) er, what I mean is, "don't touch that dial"! Heh, heh...
KAREN: (Slaps her face) Just roll the clip... (the theater darkens, and the clip's about to roll) May I have a *word* with you, Mr. Kirby? (Drags him off-screen as the clip begins...we see a title card read: "'PC or Not PC' by Romey & Brainatra")
[We see a caption at the bottom of the screen reading "30 years ago", when this takes place, and fade in on ACME Labs, where we see Brain is excited about something---he's standing over something that resembles one of those old one piece PC's with a built-in keyboard...]
BRAIN: Behold! The "Brain-iac 5000"! The most powerful computing tool, the likes of which the world has never *seen*...powered by the blazing might of over 2 *kilobytes* of RAM!
PINKY: Oooooh!
BILLIE: *Two* kilobytes?! (Breaks down laughing, laughing so hard that soon Pinky begins laughing as well, for no good reason; they both fall backwards. Brain looks at them sternly)
BILLIE: (Finally getting up) Sorry, Eggy.... (giggles some more) It's just that----
PINKY: *Two kilobytes*...HAHAHAHA! (Falls over laughing again, as does Billie....)
BRAIN: *AHEM*?! (The two get back up)
BILLIE: Sorry, Eggy...(wipes a tear from her eye) but, well, it's just that I could build a better computer than that...with at least a *billion* times the amount of RAM!
BRAIN: Please Billie...no one needs *that* much computing power! This is all anyone would need!
BILLIE: But it'd be hard to hook up to a worldwide network of computers and access all sorts of information and...and...um, Eggy, why are you staring at me like that?
BRAIN: Nonsense! There's no future in networking, let alone global networking! Besides, what's would people do on such a network anyway?
BILLIE: (Filing her nails) Uh...I dunno...waste time discussing TV programs?
BRAIN: Ridiculous... next thing, you'll be saying they'd find a way to pirate music over it...
BILLIE: Hmm...well, with the right program, perhaps music could be digitized, and stored on these computers, and....(begins scrawling on a piece of paper)
BRAIN: Please...as if anything would replace the LP..and within our own *lifetimes* no less! (holds up an LP cover) As if the dulcet tones of Gladys Squire's soulful rendition of "Midday Bus to Macon" could ever be rendered into some cold, digitized format---(sees Billie's still scrawling) forget those infernal calculations... it would take at least 61,440 kilobytes per minute of data to store an accurate digital copy of a given song...
BILLIE: *Please*...I could develop some way to, I dunno, compress it maybe to a smaller size...?
BRAIN: Bah... even if you achieved a 10:1 compression ratio, you'd still be dealing with over 1024 kilobytes per minute... that kind of storage would require a computer bigger than this entire lab!
BILLIE: Not with *my* computer designs...this "Brain-iac" of yours looks like it could barely operate as a simple...calculation device...
BRAIN: A *calculator*?! Please...
PINKY: Ooh, ooh I know! I know! What if you had a computer that could... umm... make its own reality, POIT!
BRAIN: Don't make me hurt you, Pinky...
BILLIE: A *virtual* sort of reality?
BRAIN: No more realistic than the one *both* of you seem to exist in already...I mean, what intelligent person would want to spend their time discussing some insipid television program over a glorified *typewriter*?!
BILLIE: Well, if they were really big fans, and had watched those episodes a lot...of course, it'd be easier to have some sort of device to rewatch old episodes on at will so one *could* make observations...hmm...
BRAIN: I can't believe what I'm hearing... I create the most powerful computer a person could ever need, and you two are off dreaming up ridiculous uses for some device that could never physically exist...
BILLIE: Well, television stations use video reel recording equipment...maybe if there was a way of getting it miniaturized, and into every home....
BILLIE: And your "powerful computer" still looks like it's not even powerful enough to balance a checkbook...
BRAIN: (Flatly) Never an ounce of appreciation or respect...
BILLIE: Aw, don't take it personally, Eggy...I'm just offering a few suggestions...want me to help boost it in power a bit? If I could find some more memory for it...though it *is* rather expensive...and hard to find...
BRAIN: Find more memory? Isn't it sufficient to hardwire it to the rest of the system?
BILLIE: (Blankly stares before speaking) You're *kidding*, right? How could you boost its power without modular add-on memory units? Hardwiring it renders the whole *thing* unusable if you need more power...
BRAIN: As I was saying... it already has more than enough power! No sane person could ever want or need more!
PINKY: Oooh, well, it *could* use a bit more...I bet it could store recipes, NARF!
BRAIN: As I was saying, no *sane* person...
BILLIE: Hmph...well, if you don't need me to upgrade it, I'll just build my own...
BRAIN: Fine...
BILLIE: (Under her breath) Thinks he can take over the world in one night, but doesn't have the forsight to see beyond the next day...
BRAIN: I *heard* that! And mark my words, the "Brain-iac" is powerful enough to appease the general public, and allow me to take over the *world*!
BILLIE: Sure, Eggy...(off-screen) Now where did we put that extra electronics equipment?
BRAIN: (Chuckles) Indeed... (turns to his "powerful" computer; types) Time for a test of this powerful, mighty tool... (types) "10: Hello World....20: GOTO 10....30 RUN" (Hits return; glares at screen) "SYNTAX ERROR"?!? What the---?!?
BILLIE: (Walks over) Umm... is that supposed to happen, Eggy?
BRAIN: (Glares at Billie) Um....of course! A handy, easy-to-understand error message! (Tries typing some more, then looks even more irate at the screen)
BILLIE: Is "core dump" a handy, helpful message as well?
BRAIN: (Sternly) Don't you have a computer of your *own* to build?!
BILLIE: I'm workin', I'm workin'... have some patience.
BRAIN: Indeed... (turns back to his machine) Hmm....(frowns) Hmph...(looks even more annoyed as he types, before growing frustrated) Perhaps it needs an additional external information input device..like a cassette recorder...
(Sounds of Billie laughing from off-screen, followed by saying "a *cassette recorder*?!?")
BRAIN: YES!!!
BILLIE: Le'me guess... you'll call it a 'DAT' tape, and try to use it to beat me at the game of digital music?
BRAIN: ER, no...I was going to use a tape player/recorder as a means to store information on, and input that into the mighty Brain-iac 5000!
BILLIE: Kind of a slow means of recording information, isn't it? Sure, it'd store a lot of info, but accessing it would be a pain in the neck. Of course, since you're insistent on your (mocks Brain's voice/makes fingers into "quote marks") "powerful 2 K of RAM", I guess it's a moot point.
BRAIN: (Silent for a moment, before responding) I believe some spare electornics parts are in that drawer over there....
BILLIE: Thanks! (Exits; Brain goes back to his computer)
BRAIN: (Thinking) Hmm... now that she mentions it... how would I access said data from the tape? (Out loud) I suppose I could yank out the keyboard and plug the tape player in place...
BILLIE: (Off-screen) That thing only has *one* input port, and it's just for the keyboard?! *Tsk, tsk*....
BRAIN: What does *that* mean?
BILLIE: Oh, nothing...you'll have to see *my* computer when it's done! (Giggles; Brain shakes his head in disgust)
BRAIN: Next she'll have Pinky designing the OS...
PINKY: (Off-screen) Oooh, I think you should be able to use lots of little pictures to stand for things! NARF! And make the pictures look like folders and notepads and all our other stationery! HAHAHA!
BILLIE: (Off-screen) Oh, good idea, Pinky! That, and an alternate option of a command-line interface thrown in ought to make this thing done in no time!
BRAIN: It won't be *soon* enough, if she keeps bothering me...(types some more)
PINKY: Oh, oh! And maybe you could have it so you hit the "START" button to shut it down! Ha ha, NARF!
BRAIN: Aren't you done *yet*? With the speed at which you design these type of things....
BILLIE: Patience, remember? Besides, this is kinda fun!
BRAIN: Um, yes *fun*...and allowing the path to *world domination*! (Pan over to see Brain's growing annoyed) Hmph....
(Fanfic Montage Sequence...shots of Pinky giggling at Billie's computer screen, Billie typing away at a mouse-sized keyboard, and Brain clawing his hair at his screen....finally, we cut back to Brain, who looks elated)
BRAIN: YES! I've done it! (Proudly) Billie, Pinky...I've managed to make the screen change *colors* intermittently!
PINKY: (Heard in the distance) Wha ha ha haaa! Get the rocket launcher! No wait, behind you! Run!
BILLIE: I see him! I see him! Woo hoo, I got the quad-damage! Pinks, your health is running kinda low! ...oh, I love network gaming!
BRAIN: *NETWORK* gaming?!? Who in the Sam Hill are you *playing* against?!
BILLIE: These computer programmers at MIT! Just sent them a copy of this game I wrote by electronic mail, and they did the rest!
BRAIN: "Electronic mail"?! What th---(walks over to see Billie's computer, and we see it resembles a typical modern-day PC, complete with a printer and scanner...a phone line leads out from the back of it)
BILLIE: (Glances at Brain, pauses, blinks) What?
BRAIN: Billie...this thing's...how...?
BILLIE: (Shrugs) Once Pinky and I got the basic specs down, the rest was a snap! Um...so, how's your computer comin' along?
BRAIN: Well, it... (Proudly) can display eight colors simultaneously! Just how many can yours display? Hmm?
BILLIE: Umm... we gave up counting them once we hit 32-bit color.
BRAIN: *32* bits just for *color*?! Why do you need *that* much horsepower?!?
BILLIE: To play a digitized version of John Denver's latest single? (Clicks the mouse, and one of his songs begin playing)
PINKY: To play really neat games with women with Big Futuristic-Type Guns? NARF! HAHAHAHA!
BRAIN: You'd waste all that power on mere games?!
BILLIE: Of course *not*...we also digitized the "Theme From Shaft", wrote a multiple page document on the rising price of gas, electronically mailed this game copy to those students at MIT, planned out the lab's budget for the next 10 years, *and* stored some recipes! Plus, we're gonna scan in some pictures of Pinky later on!
BRAIN: (Flabbergasted) Wha..."scan"...the...?!? (Grows self-confident again) Well, I can assure you that my computer's *still* capable of...of...
BILLIE: Collecting dust?
BRAIN: (Annoyed) *No*...it does a task more *important* than such a stationary function...
BILLIE: Calculating the vectors of every atom in a hurricane, to predict the weather and save lives?
BRAIN: Er...(discretely jots what she said down on a piece of paper) Of course! In *time*....but it's main task will be to aid me *take over the world*!
BILLIE: How? By giving people a seizure with changing screen colors? (Giggles)
BRAIN: Noooo... although that does sound oddly familiar, somehow...
BILLIE: Actually, it *does*....and rather *icky*, for some reason...still, I don't see how your computer can compete against *mine*....
BRAIN: Hmph...you're *on*! My machine of might and power against your frivolous, glorified game-playing device!
BILLIE: Which benchmark test would you like to try? I devised a handfull while programming this thing... I also took a peak at your hardware, and built a program which can emulate your entire machine at 100x it's original speed... would you like to test with that one?
BRAIN: "Benchmark tests"?!? (Shakes his head) Wait---just *when* were you "taking a peek" at my hardware?!
BILLIE: When you were trying to record your manifesto on that tape recorder to plug into your "Brain-iac 5000"...
BRAIN: *Indeed*...very well, then, we'll have Pinky give us both a task and try to see whose computer does the best job in solving it! Name a task, Pinky....
PINKY: Umm... render a pretty scene of hills and mountains, shrouded in mist, set in front of a lovely sunset with sparkly rays of light shining between the foothills? POIT?
BRAIN: Ha! A simple enough task....
BILLIE: I dunno...I've seen boxes of *crayons* with more color choices than your thing has...
BRAIN: ENOUGH! I shall render a computerized piece of scenery lovely enough to put in a museum!
BILLIE: Ah-ha... but at what resolution? 2 by 2? Ha ha, natch!
BRAIN: Just you *wait*... let's go! (Fast forward 10 minutes)
BILLIE: Done! And at a 1024x768 resolution, with *48*-bit color!
PINKY: Oooh, you even drew a little baby deer! Aww...
BILLIE: Got the image from those MIT engineers...they're experimenting with buiding one of those home video playback units I suggested in that same electronic mail message, and decided to use a copy of "Bumpee, the Dearest Deer"...once they inputted it into their computers, and sent me a copy, I just edited the image, and....hm...say, Eggy, how's *your* image coming along?
BRAIN: Still waiting on the first pixel... but when it's done, it will surely out-do yours!
BILLIE: The first *pixel*?!?
PINKY: Um...do you need help?
BRAIN: *No*...
(Twenty minutes later...we see Brain's finally finished his image)
PINKY: (Squinting) Umm... what is it a picture of, again?
BRAIN: (Exasperated) It's a mountain scene! That's a waterfall...and that's a tree...
BILLIE: Looks more like a big green rectangle next to a big blue rectangle...
BRAIN: (Nervous) Er...it's... abstract art! *YES*!
BILLIE: *Right*. Eggy, it can't even draw a picture befitting a *three* year old...how's it going to help you take over the world? There's no way to input anything without yanking out the keyboard, there's no way it can transmit anything without taking a power drill and punching a few holes in the back to run some cables into, there's no way to print images or anything....it couldn't even print that stupid "hello world" test message! What good is this thing?
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Hmph... well can yours... can yours...
BILLIE: (Slightly taunting) Anything yours can do... if it could do *anything* ...and better.
PINKY: Brain, it's OK...besides, Billie's computer is really *nice*! Besides, we could always use your computer as...um...
BILLIE: A *doorstop*? (Giggles)
BRAIN: I don't get it... how can yours possibly do any of the things it's doing?!
BILLIE: Um....more horsepower? Not using the power equivalent of a three-watt lightbulb? Though I'd say it most likely has something to do with the extra RAM it has. Face it, Eggy...LED displays have more power than the "Brain-iac 5000" has; 2 K just ain't cuttin' it.
BRAIN: How much *do* you have?!
BILLIE: Uhh... 256 megs, easy. And that's not counting the L1 and L2 caches, and high speed registers built into the processor.
BRAIN: (Astonished) *Caches*?! *256*?!? Good *lord*, that's...
PINKY: Um, a lot, POIT?
BRAIN: (Pouts)
BILLIE: C'mon, Eggy...just say it...it's OK..
BRAIN: Oh..*FINE*! Your computer's actually....higher powered. (Cringes)
BILLIE: Aw, thanks, Eggy! I'll even let you use it sometime....after I'm done! (Giggles)
PINKY: Yeah, we're planning to upgrade, starting tomorrow! POIT!
BRAIN: *UPGRADE*?!?
BILLIE: What can I say? The technology goes outdated so *quickly*...
BRAIN: (Shakes his head, he walks back to his computer, and glares at it....cut to moments later, as we see Billie and Pinky in front of their computer, laughing intermittently...we see Brain walk back over to the mice)
BILLIE: Hey, Eggy....we're about to watch the recorded-off-the-TV-and-then-digitized version of last night's "Mary Tyler Moore" episode! Care to join us?
BRAIN: (Sullen) *No*.
PINKY: Say, having fun with your computer, Brain?
BILLIE: Um...where *is* your computer, Eggy?
BRAIN: (Nervous) Er, well...
BILLIE: C'mon, you didn't get rid of it did you? It was a learning experience, wasn't it?
BRAIN: *What* learning experience?! All I learned was that I've been humiliated by someone without world-domination desires yet again...
PINKY: That, and how you should put more colors in your next computer, POIT!
BILLIE: You could have swallowed your pride and joined us...
BRAIN: Maybe, but I still think my efforts weren't *completely* ungrounded!
BILLIE: No, but *ours* are....see the grounded cords? (Points at the computer's three-pronged cords)
BRAIN: (Growls) Hrmph....I can see I'm not appreciated here....I have half a mind to get my "Brain-iac 5000" out of...er...um...
BILLIE: Out of *where*, Eggy?
BRAIN: Umm... never you mind. I'll be back shortly...
[We see Brain race off...we hear what sounds like a garbage can lid being pushed off, followed by clanging noises]
BILLIE: Um...Eggy?
BRAIN: (Off-screen) Just a minute!
PINKY: What do you suppose he's up to?
BILLIE: Fishing out from the trash the remains of his computer, I suppose... hmm... do you think we maybe went too hard on him?
PINKY: Well, he did seem kinda upset...(gasps) Maybe we could help him update it?
BILLIE: "Upgrade", Pinky...but I dunno; he still seems full of pride over the whole thing....
[Brain returns, with his computer...or what's left of it; wires are sprawling from the loosened back, with a few keys' springs popped up...Brain sheepishly grins]
[The clip ends here...cut to the theater with Karen and Kirby, now looking decidedly bored...]
KAREN: Kirby, I guess you were right---this *was* a waste of time. *And* *beyond* nerdy... I mean, "digital compression"?! I could've written more amusing dialogue than *that*!
KIRBY: Yeah.... (reads a paper) And we'll be right back, after *this*...
[Commercials pushing "reruns of reruns" of "Batman Beyond" and Pokemon: Whatever-the-current-batch-of-episodes'-are-subtitled play...then, cut back to the brief bumper for the Cat and Bunny "Louie Louie" Golden Oldie Big Bopper Show...]
KAREN: Welcome back, all! The next clip features the mice again, in a contest of further intellectual contesting, also an "unfinished" story. Apparently Brain and Billie, after hearing about the Legion of Superheroes all owning rings allowing them to fly, decide to match wits and invent flight rings of their own! (Shakes her head) Who comes up with this stuff?!
KIRBY: Not me...if it were me, I'd write a story with those mice *getting their groove on*! (Does disco dancing)
KAREN: Um....didn't see "Saturday Morning Fever", did we?
KIRBY: (Still dancing) Sorry, babe, I only fake bein' sick on weekdays to get outta school...
KAREN: (Sighs) *Never mind*... just roll the cartoon...
[The clip begins....as we open on ACME Labs, we see the mice are embroiled in an argument over whether an antigravity-generating "flight ring" is a technical feasibility]
BILLIE: Well, Eggy, I'll prove to you it *is* possible and *invent* a "flight" ring! (Grabs a piece of paper and a small hunk of charcoal) OK, lessee...um...gee, this is gonna be tougher than makin' that hypervelocity suit...and *that* took only one dull Sunday evening full 'a reruns and sports highlights!
BRAIN: *Sigh*...even *you* can't invent something like an antigravitational ring in a narrow span of time...though *I*, on the other hand....*ahem*... [raises an eyebrow]
BILLIE: Knowing you, it would backfire and *triple* gravity for the person wearing it...
BRAIN: HA! Please...any simpleton could ensure that increasing such gravitational effect in such a way could be easily avoided... [Glances at Pinky, who's banging his head with a spoon] Well, *almost* any simpleton...besides, I've made far more inventions than *you* have---surely creating such a ring should be child's play!
BILLIE: You may have more inventions under your belt than myself, but so far 100% of mine have worked, and I've yet to see *one* invention of yours accomplish your goal of world conquest for you...
BRAIN: [Winces at this remark] Don't start with me, Billie...besides, it's only a matter of *time* before such an invention achieves that goal...besides, all of my inventions *have* worked...it's just that *circumstances* conspire to their not having the desired world-conquering effect...
PINKY: [Walking over, partially hearing Billie's "under your belt" remark] Um, actually, Brain, we don't *wear* belts...or *clothes*. HAHAHA! (Brain rolls his eyes)
BILLIE: Just wait, Eggy... I'll have a fully functional anti-grav ring built in no time.
BRAIN: Hmm...if you wish to match your brain against my mental brawn, very well...I, *too* shall attempt to construct such a ring...
BILLIE: YEah, "attempt" is right...[Grabs the still-giggling Pinky] C'mon, Pinky...we've got a flight ring ta build!
BRAIN: So do *I*..besides, I still have to formulate another plan to take over the world...this *may* prove to be quite valuable...[Glances over to the two other mice, seeing they're engrossed in "Legion of Super-Heroes" comics for "research"] This'll be child's play...
[Cut to *much* later...we see both geniuses look *very* exhausted...as does Pinky...]
BILLIE: Gee, this was harder than it *looks*...wonder how "Mr. Inventor"'s makin' out...
BRAIN: Don't bother checking on me... the polarity seems to be reversed, but I'll have that fixed shortly!
BILLIE: Ha!
BILLIE: I *knew* this wasn't gonna be easy for you!
BRAIN: [Wiping his brow] Oh, *really*? How are *you* making out?
BILLIE: Oh, I'm...um...uh....doing....*fine*, really *fine*! Right, Pinky?
[Pan over to see that Pinky's reading through an old Legion comic, and giggling...]
PINKY: *WAHAHAHA*! This guy almost has the same name as Brain! *NARF*! (Points to a picture of Legionnaire member "Brainiac 5"]
BRAIN: Oooh, yes, *lots* of progress *there*...
BILLIE: Still, I doubt you'll beat me any time soon...
[Billie runs back to her side of the lab, and gets back to work...]
BRAIN: It'll take more than comic book pseudoscience to succeed...this is *reality*! And soon, this *flight ring* will be a reality! *YES*!
[Cut to a Fanfic Montage....the usual stuff: Pinky laughing at old comics/TV, Billie wiping her brow, Brain drinking water, the clock's hands winding forward...soon,though, both mice shout "Eureka" at once...]
BILLIE: Hey Eggy! I've got it! Take *that*!
BRAIN: And you may promptly take it back! *I* have succeeded first!
BILLIE: Have not, I finished first!
BRAIN: Come over here, and we'll see about that!
BILLIE: *Fine*!
[We see Billie enter, wielding on her fist a gold-colored ring...]
BILLIE: DiDn't have time to paint it silver, but here it is! *Ta-da*!
BRAIN: And I, too, have such a ring! [Flashes his finger, showing his hand] Now, let's test it out!
PINKY: [Walking over to Brain] Multiple choice?
BRAIN: Normally I'd have to hurt you, Pinky...but no time! I have to show Billie what *my* genius is capable of!
(Billie rests her hands behind her head, and hovers in circles around Brain, much to his annoyance)
BILLIE: And what kind capability might *that* be, Eggy? Hmm...?
BRAIN: [Briefly flashes a bit of surprise, then goes back to a smug look] *THIS*!
[Brain leaps off the edge of the counter, and begins to hover...Brain shouts, "YES!]
PINKY: See, Billie? It *didn't* start increasing its gravitational pull-thingy like you thought it would, *NARF*! Um, whatever *that* is...
BILLIE: [Rolling her eyes] Well, I guess I gotta admit, Eggy *did* pull it off after all...
BRAIN: Yes, but since my own genius behind it, mine is surely superior to yours...
BILLIE: Is that so?! We'll just see...
[Billie begins flying about the room, and zooms down on Brain like a dive bomber....Brain zips out of the way, and begins flying around the lab...we hear "dramatic" music a la Superman:TAS...pan over to see that Pinky's turned on this very show on the TV. He quickly turns it off, though...]
BILLIE: Tell ya what, Eggy... how about we have a little competition? And we'll let *Pinky* decide on the challenge. What do ya say?
BRAIN: {Glances over at Pinky, who's running around with his arms spread out like airplane wings, making propellor noises] Very well...what do you propose?
PINKY: Oh, let's see who can hold their breath for the longest out in space! Narf!
BILLIE: Um....try something a bit less *deadly*, Pinks...
PINKY: OK! Um...uh...ooh, I've got it! First one to fly around the world *wins*! HAHAHA!
BRAIN: Fly around the *world*? HA! With this ring of mine, I thee...*WIN*!
BILLIE: And with *this* ring of mine...I'll beat the pants off ya! Ha!
PINKY: HAHAHA..."I thee win"! NARF! That's really funny, Brain!
BRAIN: Thank you, Pinky...now let's get this show on the road...or in the air, as it may be!
BILLIE: See ya 'round Eggy! (Billie zips off)
BRAIN: Eh-hem... we haven't begun yet.
BILLIE: (Zipping back) "Oops! Sorry, natch!
BRAIN: We'll need to make this as official as possible. We'll need some elaborate tracking system, with a reasonable degree of accuracy...
BILLIE: Oh, c'mon! Let's just get goin'! Unless you want to waste time finding a stopwatch, or finding judges, or something...
PINKY: Ooh, I know! How about wrist bands that can double as generators for some weather controlling thingie? Poit!
BRAIN: Hmm... as loathe as I am to take up yet *another* Flash-related suggestion...very well! It won't take long at all for me to construct such armbands---
BILLIE: [Walking over to the boys] Finished! Actually, I made 'em a long time ago...when me and Pinky tried racing around the kitchen sink a few weeks ago. [Hands one to Brain]
BRAIN: [Slaps his face, then sighs heavily] Billie, I believe you---oh, never *mind*. Let's get going...
BILLIE: Sure thing! [Walks over to the tracking device Brain built in "Two Mice and a Baby" and turns it on] This'll track the two of us while Pinky stays here and watches! Of course, this'll be over with so fast, it'll make your oversized head hurt, Eggy! Teehee!
BRAIN: I wouldn't be too quick with the references to my cranial size just *yet*, Billie...let's roll!
[Cut to an open window, where the two genius mice are about to take off...PInky waves a checkered flag around wildly...]
PINKY: On your mark, get set---uh...um...oh,yes, yes: *GO*! *NARF*!
[The two mice take off into the air, sending Pinky spiraling in a gust of wind...he falls on the sill, and giggles...pan over to see the tracking device is showing the mice heading eastward over New York City...we see various people look up in the sky, thinking they see something...]
MAN: Look, up in the sky!
MAN #2: It's a bird!
WOMAN: It's a *plane*!
A STARTLED, GLASSES-WEARING MAN WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE A CERTAIN FORMER RESIDENT OF SMALLVILLE, KANSAS: Um...well, I can safely say it *isn't* the next line in that cliched catchphrase...
[Cut to the mice, as they zoom across New York City's skyline...they buzz across the harbor, and over the Atlantic Ocean...]
BILLIE: (Flying upside down, in a restful pose) "Relax, Eggy, you're trying too hard to keep up! Unless of course your model *requires* you to put every ounce of effort into this... it's so much more relaxing my way... ::yawn::"
BRAIN: [Frowning] Just you *wait*! By the time we get to the end of this thing, you'll be *glad* you saved up every ounce of strength! [Brain zooms ahead, past Billie...Billie whirls a bit in the air, blinks rapidly, then takes off after Brain...]
[Cut to much later, where we see the mice are zooming across the Pacific Ocean...despite the distance, they look quite determined...we see a killer whale breach the surface, in an oh-so-dramatic, breath-taking shot that would make Sharklady proud...]
BILLIE: [Still looking relaxed] Pretty neat, eh, Eggy? Wish I'd brought my camera...
BRAIN: [Looking a bit tired] Please, Billie...I have more important things to think about than sightseeing! Like *victory*! [Zooms ahead...as the clip ends....]