Anthonynotes
07-24-2001, 03:26 PM
Broke it up so it wouldn't get *too* big for one page dowload-wise :-)
>>>
[We see the crew setting up to film in a lab room. Brain speaks into a megaphone.]
BRAIN: Now in this scene— [The megaphone emits a painful screeching noise. Brain quickly shakes it, and continues.] In this scene, we see the struggles of the female scientist, as the landlord comes and says he's foreclosing on the Lab, if she doesn't pay her rent in two days. [Whispered to Pinky & Billie] Could you guys possibly have made this thing any more cliché? [Back into the megaphone.] Anyway, uh... [Flips ahead a few pages in his copy of the script.] Then, a horde of rampaging Robo-Killers™ enters and tries to hack her to shreds. Arnold, you will play the landlord, who as it turns out later on, is also the evil supervillain behind this whole thing, who wants to put an end to Ms. Weaver's work, because it threatens his business, as well as wanting to bump off Mr. Foley as revenge for the death of his father. [Brain glares at Pinky & Billie, who shrug. Brain sighs.]
ARNOLD: Alright. I am ready for my close-up, Mr. Brain.
BRAIN: Then...roll 'em!
[We see Sigourney working in the Lab mixing chemicals. Suddenly, the door swings open and Arnold heads in.]
ARNOLD: Ms. ...um, Smith...I'm afraid I am heah to shut down da laboratory.
SIGOURNEY: But...you can't!
ARNOLD: Yah, 'cause da rent is laate. I give you two days, yah? Daht is more den faair.
SIGOURNEY: But...I'm *THIS* close to completing my experiment! I'll make millions! You'll get your rent! You'll see!
[Cut to the mice. Brain whispers to Billie.]
BRAIN: The hackneyed script is bad enough, but if she doesn't stop overacting soon, I think I'm going to lurch...
[Back to the other two.]
ARNOLD: You haff two days. Daht is daht. So long...for now. [Laughs maniacally for a moment, then coughs. He clears his throat.] Goot day. [He runs out of the set and rushes over to Brain.] How vas daht? Did I overdo it on da maniacal laughing? I neffer laughed maniacally before...
BRAIN: You were fine, fine...now, cue the Robo-Killers™!
[Cut back to the set. Suddenly, a ton of little robot thingees walk in. They're not much larger than a child's toys.]
BILLIE: *THOSE* are the Robo-Killers™?! Where did you get them, a McDonald's™ Happy Meal giveaway?!
BRAIN: Er, close...actually, I used the tickets Arnold won at Chunk E. Cheesy's to get them as our prize... [Billie slaps her face.] Well, what do you want?! Our budget is on a level to rival Public Access Television's! We have to bear with what we've got... Besides, *I* think they're rather convincing...as long as we don't let the little winders on their backs show onscreen... [Billie rolls her eyes and walks away.]
[Sigourney climbs up on the table. She rips off her lab coat to reveal the same outfit as the previous scene, and the same Big Futuristic-Looking Gun™. She strikes a dramatic pose with the gun, but before she can shoot any of the little buggers, they start to explode. She looks around frightened.]
BILLIE: Ooo, neat effects, Eggy! I take back that crack from before!
BRAIN: Er..thanks, but...this wasn't in the script either!
PINKY: Gee, if I didn't know better, I'd say someone didn't *WANT* this movie to get made and is using a variety of sabotages to discourage us!
BRAIN: Pinky! Enough with your trite platitudes! We've got to help Sigourney!
[Speaking of whom...we cut back to her, as the Robo-Killers™ continue to explode all around. Some begin to climb up on the table next to her and she smacks them down with the butt of her Big Futuristic-Looking Gun™. Suddenly, they all freeze. Some fall over flat on their faces.]
BRAIN: Whew! Looks like the winders ran down! They're stopped! [He begins to run over to Sigourney.]
PINKY: Er...but should that effect any explosives that might've been placed on the Robo-Thingees, Brain?
BRAIN: [Now right in the midst of the Robo-Killers™.] Er...actually...I suppose not... [Suddenly, all the remaining Robo-Killers™ explode at once, leaving a black-fried Brain left standing there, quite dazed.] To quote the immortal Oliver Hardy...ooohhhh... [Keels over.]
[Fade to sometime later...we see the entire Lethal Intellect crew at JFK International Airport, standing near an empty plane hanger. Brain's completely recovered from the previous bit of pointless slapstick violence...]
AXEL: What the (bleep) are we doin' at JFK? I'm not plannin' on headin' back ta Michigan anytime soon...
BRAIN: We're here to shoot the next part of this film! Now in this scene, Cynthia and Sigourney must find the bomb that's been planted inside of the plane hanger, which is really one of the master villain's multiple secret headquarters! During this time, we'll also shoot footage of Pinky and Axel engaging in various hilarious airport-related hijinks, with appropriate background music...speaking of which, *where* are the Voo Doo dolls?
BILLIE: Beats me...I'd think that they'd be here by now.
BRAIN: Well, since they're not here, we'll have to rely on the musical stylings of Mr. Combs for this bit... [Pan over to see that Puff Daddy is amongst the group, albeit on crutches] Now, then, Mr. Combs, can you create appropriate wacky music for the required humor scenes?
PUFF DADDY: No problem, man! I've got everything I need right here! [Holds up a CD reading "Best Wacky Hits of the '80's: From Devo to Weird Al"; Brain groans]
BRAIN: Very well... let's begin! [To the film crew] Half of you cover Pinky and Axel, and the other half cover the hanger scene! [They split up] Annnd...ACTION!
[Cut to the hanger; we see Sigourney and Cynthia wander around...]
CYNTHIA: The bomb could be anywhere...we must split up!
SIGOURNEY: Right! [Whips out another Big Futuristic-Looking Gun, and they split up. We see Sigourney creep around the darkened hanger, looking for the bomb; water drips from the ceiling, a la the Aliens films. Suddenly, she hears something behind her, and turns around. She sees dropping down from the ceiling a stuffed dummy that resembles Arnold, with a timer and a tape recorder attached.]
ARNOLD'S VOICE: So, you've found one of mah many multiple hideouts, yah! But you'll nevah find my *final* hideout! Now, prepare to be exploded severely! [The timer on the dummy begins to tick backwards from 60 seconds...]
SIGOURNEY: I've found the bomb! [Cynthia runs over]
CYNTHIA: Great! Now we'll just have to disarm it, before the entire place goes up like fireworks on the Fourth of July!
[Cut away from this, to the wacky airport scene. We see Pinky, still dressed like Axel Foley, is eating at the airport's McDonald's™ restaurant...he's laughing idiotically, and annoying the other patrons.]
PINKY: WAHAHAHA! This is great! Pricier airport versions of *great*-tasting food! *NARF*! [Takes out the prize; it's a miniature airplane toy] [Pinky waves it around, making airplane noises] Zoom! Whoosh! Hahaha!
[From off-screen, we hear sounds of Axel cursing profusely...]
AXEL: Hey! You! Get over here and help me out with this (bleep)in' thing!
PINKY: Um, OK!
[Pinky runs over to Axel, who's standing at the baggage return carousel.]
PINKY: Um, what's wrong?
AXEL: Wait—first, I have to have a sip of this delicious, highly satisfying name-brand beverage! [Whips out a bottle of Coca-Cola™, holds it up long enough for the camera to linger on it, then takes a long drink.] Mmmm...now that's the real (bleep), baby!
PINKY: Ooooh, I'll bet it is! [Looks at his wardrobe] Just like this stylish, Major League Baseball™-licensed Detroit Tigers jacket, Converse™ sneakers, and Levi's™ blue jeans are! *NARF*!
AXEL: [Setting his bottle of overpriced carbonated sugar water down] Now then, which one's our (bleep)in' bags?
PINKY: Hmmm...I dunno...they all look the same to me...
AXEL: Well, one of them's gotta be it!
PINKY: Uhh....maybe it's *that* one? [Points to a bag, which has large letters labelled Pinky plastered on the side of it] Don't worry, I'll get it! [Pinky climbs up onto the carousel, and tries moving the bag; however, it continues along the carousel path. Pinky climbs on top of it, and begins laughing wildly and waving]
PINKY: Hi-yo, Samsonite™! Away! Hahahaha!
AXEL: Hey! Get the (bleep) down from there! [Axel climbs onto the carousel, and grabs the bag; however, they're swept down a belt and towards a baggage loading center. They pass through an x-ray machine (with the usual cartoon-skeleton-cutaway gag seen), followed by a dimbulb baggage handler throwing the duo and bag sloppily into the back of a cart, attached to a golf cart-sized buggy. Axel and Pinky land in the front seat, and inadvertently start the cart's motor, sending it careening wildly all over the place, and towards the empty hanger.]
[Cut back to the hanger...we see the "Dynamic Duo" are still trying to diffuse the bomb...]
BRAIN: [Whispering] That isn't a *real* bomb in the device, is it?
BILLIE: [Whispering] Well, the JFK airport security said in this case we could...
BRAIN: [Whispering] *WHAT*?!
BILLIE: [Whispering] Yes...they'd been meaning to demolish this hanger for years, and finally found someone willing to do the job for cheap! Didn't *that* work out well in our favor?
BRAIN: [Slaps his face] Let's just hope that they diffuse the bomb in time...
[Cut to the women.]
SIGOURNEY: Stand back! I know a thing or two about bombs...now let's get this diffused! [Begins examining the wires carefully...meanwhile, cut back to the careening-out-of-control Axel and Pinky, who've wound up racing down an airport runway in their runaway cart. Pull back to see that this is being monitored once again by our Mysterious Executive...]
EXECUTIVE: Oh, ho, ho, this is rich! Thanks to disabling the brakes and steering on that cart of theirs, this film's going *be* "da bomb"! Ha!
[Cut back to the Cursing One and the Laughing One, with their film crew following behind them...]
AXEL: Hey! The brakes don't work on this (bleep)in' thing! That's not in the script!
PINKY: And neither is *that*! [Points ahead to a 747 that's taxiing towards them...Axel and Pinky scream. The plane's pilot, seeing this, also screams, and turns the plane away from the cart, but winds up heading towards the empty, bomb-containing hanger. The cart also winds up careening towards the hanger as well...inside:]
SIGOURNEY: Um...perhaps *this* does something? [Pulls a wire; we see that it does nothing. The rest of the crew look at this nervously.]
BRAIN: [Looking behind him] What's that noise?
[All turn around, to see that heading towards them is the 747, followed in close pursuit by the out-of-control baggage cart. All scream, and race out of the hanger, dragging their filming equipment with them. The 747 pulls to a stop just outside the hanger; however, the golf cart keeps careening ahead, and winds up slamming into the bomb-containing dummy. Axel and Pinky jump off, and race out of the hanger at top speed. We also see the plane's pilot and crew climb out of the plane, as well as...]
BILLIE: The *VOO DOO DOLLS*! I thought they'd never get here!
LEAD SINGER: Yep, it's us! Finally made it...but not on the best of transport means...lousy discount airline flights...
[Suddenly, the hanger blows up; we see the hanger collapse, yet amazingly causing little damage to the plane itself. All breathe a sigh of relief.]
BRAIN: [Raising an eyebrow at Axel and Pinky] Pinky, what happened?
AXEL: Somebody took the (bleep)in' brakes and steering off that cart! We were careenin' outta control!
BRAIN: Sounds like another mysterious "accident"...hmm...come, let us return to the lab, and prepare for the next scene...
[The entire Lethal Intellect staff and the Voo Doo Dolls leave the scene...]
[Cut to the executive-guy's office, which is finally better-lit this time. We see that his office walls are adorned with posters advertising such films as "The Abysmal", "Illegal Aliens", and so forth....we see at his desk that his back is still turned to us, but not for long...we see him finally swivel around, to reveal that this figure is a caricature of director James Cameron. The figure grips a small statue of a Verminator on his desk, and grips it tightly, before it finally breaks in two. A nameplate is finally seen as well for this caricature: "Jim Macaroon"]
MACAROON: GAAAH! Those fools *survived*! (Rubs the sides of his head) I need to relax----(yells off-screen) enter, my loyal subjects!
[We see rush into the room are several minions dressed like medieval palace aides; they swarm the director with a royal robe, crown, and a cup of coffee...]
MINION: Anything else you need, sire?
MACAROON: Yes....the Brain to cease production of his film!
MINION #2: Is there a particular reason why, sire?
MACAROON: Of course! One reason, two words: "Verminator 3"!
[He points to a poster reading "Coming Soon: Verminator 3: The Killfest Continues!", with a picture of a Verminator wielding big honkin' guns]
MACAROON: I've spent *years* working on trying to bring "V3" to fruition, and I'm not about to have my thunder stolen by someone about to release what could be the biggest cinematic action-filled hit since....
MINION: Your movie about the big sinking boat?
MACAROON: Indeed... (Points to another poster, reading "LUSITANIA"; a subcaption reads "Passion and drama amongst the German U-Boats!" The lead actor shown appears to look as if he hasn't quite finished puberty yet; he looks a bit like the squeaky-voiced teenager on the "Simpsons"...) "Lusitania" brought in enough money to buy out China---but it won't be surpassed or matched by the likes of "Lethal Intellect". That is, not as long as I still have that ace up my sleeve.... (Presses a button on a callbox) Peterson? Is the Verminator robot we ordered from Cincinnati's ACME Labs still recharging?
PETERSON: (VO) Yes, sir, it is....and we've finished filming for today on the "V3" set.
MACAROON: *Excellent*. Bring it to my limo; I'll be down in five minutes.
PETERSON: Are you planning some sort of movie promotion, sir?
MACAROON: (Grins slyly) You might say that....(hangs up) By this time next week, "Lethal Intellect" will be little more than a mere memory...and *I* will still reign as---KING OF THE CINEMA! (Laughs sinisterly and raises his fists, as dramatic music plays)
[Cut to ACME Labs, where the final film editing's being done by the mice on the lab's computers. The crew is still there, save for the Voo Doo Dolls.]
BILLIE: Hmph...nice going, Eggy. Thanks to your budgeting, we didn't have enough to keep the Dolls on to do a song number for this thing!
BRAIN: Well, with the "budget" we got from the studio, we couldn't help it. Besides, we managed to find a substitute "love ballad" for the big romantic scene between one of the cyborg drones and Cynthia...
BILLIE: (Making a face) Yes....but, still----"Sugar Sugar"?!
BRAIN: Well, it was either that, or "Yummy Yummy Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy"... (glares at Pinky, who laughs at this song title) There wasn't much to choose from at the bookmobile's CD stacks...and Mr. Combs over there has run into a few, ahem, "difficulties" with the soundtrack to our film.
[Pan over to Mr. Combs, now with only one arm in a sling, as he's reading over a pile of "cease and desist" orders issued by the artists whose songs he was trying to "borrow" for the soundtrack.]
PUFF: Feh....who'd figure that Devo had *lawyers*?
BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Well, at this rate, as soon as the "soundtrack"'s done, and the final editing's complete, we'll be ready to bring forth unto the world "Lethal Intellect"---and my *rule*!
PINKY: Oooooh, sounds *wonderful*, Brain! I'm all a-tingle!
[Outside the window of the lab, we see a limo parked in the street. Near the front window, we see a steely, metallic figure with glowing red eyes look in....we see the mice in a set of viewfinders, with computer text reading "TARGET: PINKY AND BRAIN....ASSIGNMENT: BRAIN-DEATH BEFORE LETHAL INTELLECT PREMIERE". Cutting to the limo, we see Macaroon glee evilly at this, before ordering his driver to pull away....]
[Cut to sometime several days later, at the Artemis Theater in Harlem, New York; the theater's done up spectacularly for the premiere of "Lethal Intellect", with searchlights, velvet ropes, red carpet, the works. The marquee reads: "TONIGHT: Theatrical Debut of 'Lethal Intellect'". We see a crowd of screaming fans, and a limo pull up....out steps the various stars of the film, all dudded up for the occasion in formal clothes (with Pinky and Brain dressed as they were in "Cinebrainia"). Cutting to inside the theater, we see the stars of the film are seated in a roped-off section in the back row...]
BRAIN: (To Pinky) This is it, Pinky...if this film's a hit with the low-brow masses, we'll be sure to take over the *WORLD*! Did you distribute the free passes to tonight's performance to the various critics?
PINKY: (Points to caricatures of Roger Ebert, Gene Shalit, and other famous reviewers in the front row) Right there! And *this* time, no shampoo...(whispers to Brain) it wasn't on sale at the supermarket this week, POIT!
BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Wonderful... (to Axel) Did you give the same passes to places where likely fans of this film would congregate, Axel?
AXEL: Yep! That seedy bar down the street, an arena football game, and a WWF "Smackdown" bout!
BRAIN: *Excellent*. Cynthia, did you put those pictures of yourself on the "Lethal Intellect" website?
CYNTHIA: You mean the pictures of me in that completely gratuitous scene where I had to go to Hawaii and prance around in that swimsuit?!
BRAIN: *Indeed*....such scantily-clad tactics are another factor in attracting the typical age 18-34 male action movie crowd!
BILLIE: (Makes another face at the thought of that scene) Maybe so, but I think that bit set back us women a good couple of years...
BRAIN: Don't worry....by the time this film's done, we'll be taking women *and* men light-years forward!
[The theater darkens, indicating the show's about to begin...however, something seems amiss: we see a figure at the bottom edge of the screen with glowing eyes and a metallic finish]
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Of all the insensitive rudeness---(Yells) Would you be so kind as to perform the act known in the common vernacular as "DOWN IN FRONT"?!
FIGURE: (In a heavy Austrian accent) No prah-blem...I'd be glad to...
[The lights in the theater light up, as everyone gasps at what appears on the stage in front of the screen: namely, the Verminator itself! Who is joined in short order by Jim Macaroon and (all healed up) Molly Ringwald...the audience begins mumbling/talking amongst themselves...]
PINKY: Egad! It's the King of the World himself! (Seeing Molly) And that "Pickup Artist" lady, POIT!
BRAIN: (To Pinky, annoyed) *I* am the rightful owner of that "King" title... (walks down the aisle towards the "Dynamic Trio") And I'd like to know what purpose this...."disruption"...is to serve!
>>>
[We see the crew setting up to film in a lab room. Brain speaks into a megaphone.]
BRAIN: Now in this scene— [The megaphone emits a painful screeching noise. Brain quickly shakes it, and continues.] In this scene, we see the struggles of the female scientist, as the landlord comes and says he's foreclosing on the Lab, if she doesn't pay her rent in two days. [Whispered to Pinky & Billie] Could you guys possibly have made this thing any more cliché? [Back into the megaphone.] Anyway, uh... [Flips ahead a few pages in his copy of the script.] Then, a horde of rampaging Robo-Killers™ enters and tries to hack her to shreds. Arnold, you will play the landlord, who as it turns out later on, is also the evil supervillain behind this whole thing, who wants to put an end to Ms. Weaver's work, because it threatens his business, as well as wanting to bump off Mr. Foley as revenge for the death of his father. [Brain glares at Pinky & Billie, who shrug. Brain sighs.]
ARNOLD: Alright. I am ready for my close-up, Mr. Brain.
BRAIN: Then...roll 'em!
[We see Sigourney working in the Lab mixing chemicals. Suddenly, the door swings open and Arnold heads in.]
ARNOLD: Ms. ...um, Smith...I'm afraid I am heah to shut down da laboratory.
SIGOURNEY: But...you can't!
ARNOLD: Yah, 'cause da rent is laate. I give you two days, yah? Daht is more den faair.
SIGOURNEY: But...I'm *THIS* close to completing my experiment! I'll make millions! You'll get your rent! You'll see!
[Cut to the mice. Brain whispers to Billie.]
BRAIN: The hackneyed script is bad enough, but if she doesn't stop overacting soon, I think I'm going to lurch...
[Back to the other two.]
ARNOLD: You haff two days. Daht is daht. So long...for now. [Laughs maniacally for a moment, then coughs. He clears his throat.] Goot day. [He runs out of the set and rushes over to Brain.] How vas daht? Did I overdo it on da maniacal laughing? I neffer laughed maniacally before...
BRAIN: You were fine, fine...now, cue the Robo-Killers™!
[Cut back to the set. Suddenly, a ton of little robot thingees walk in. They're not much larger than a child's toys.]
BILLIE: *THOSE* are the Robo-Killers™?! Where did you get them, a McDonald's™ Happy Meal giveaway?!
BRAIN: Er, close...actually, I used the tickets Arnold won at Chunk E. Cheesy's to get them as our prize... [Billie slaps her face.] Well, what do you want?! Our budget is on a level to rival Public Access Television's! We have to bear with what we've got... Besides, *I* think they're rather convincing...as long as we don't let the little winders on their backs show onscreen... [Billie rolls her eyes and walks away.]
[Sigourney climbs up on the table. She rips off her lab coat to reveal the same outfit as the previous scene, and the same Big Futuristic-Looking Gun™. She strikes a dramatic pose with the gun, but before she can shoot any of the little buggers, they start to explode. She looks around frightened.]
BILLIE: Ooo, neat effects, Eggy! I take back that crack from before!
BRAIN: Er..thanks, but...this wasn't in the script either!
PINKY: Gee, if I didn't know better, I'd say someone didn't *WANT* this movie to get made and is using a variety of sabotages to discourage us!
BRAIN: Pinky! Enough with your trite platitudes! We've got to help Sigourney!
[Speaking of whom...we cut back to her, as the Robo-Killers™ continue to explode all around. Some begin to climb up on the table next to her and she smacks them down with the butt of her Big Futuristic-Looking Gun™. Suddenly, they all freeze. Some fall over flat on their faces.]
BRAIN: Whew! Looks like the winders ran down! They're stopped! [He begins to run over to Sigourney.]
PINKY: Er...but should that effect any explosives that might've been placed on the Robo-Thingees, Brain?
BRAIN: [Now right in the midst of the Robo-Killers™.] Er...actually...I suppose not... [Suddenly, all the remaining Robo-Killers™ explode at once, leaving a black-fried Brain left standing there, quite dazed.] To quote the immortal Oliver Hardy...ooohhhh... [Keels over.]
[Fade to sometime later...we see the entire Lethal Intellect crew at JFK International Airport, standing near an empty plane hanger. Brain's completely recovered from the previous bit of pointless slapstick violence...]
AXEL: What the (bleep) are we doin' at JFK? I'm not plannin' on headin' back ta Michigan anytime soon...
BRAIN: We're here to shoot the next part of this film! Now in this scene, Cynthia and Sigourney must find the bomb that's been planted inside of the plane hanger, which is really one of the master villain's multiple secret headquarters! During this time, we'll also shoot footage of Pinky and Axel engaging in various hilarious airport-related hijinks, with appropriate background music...speaking of which, *where* are the Voo Doo dolls?
BILLIE: Beats me...I'd think that they'd be here by now.
BRAIN: Well, since they're not here, we'll have to rely on the musical stylings of Mr. Combs for this bit... [Pan over to see that Puff Daddy is amongst the group, albeit on crutches] Now, then, Mr. Combs, can you create appropriate wacky music for the required humor scenes?
PUFF DADDY: No problem, man! I've got everything I need right here! [Holds up a CD reading "Best Wacky Hits of the '80's: From Devo to Weird Al"; Brain groans]
BRAIN: Very well... let's begin! [To the film crew] Half of you cover Pinky and Axel, and the other half cover the hanger scene! [They split up] Annnd...ACTION!
[Cut to the hanger; we see Sigourney and Cynthia wander around...]
CYNTHIA: The bomb could be anywhere...we must split up!
SIGOURNEY: Right! [Whips out another Big Futuristic-Looking Gun, and they split up. We see Sigourney creep around the darkened hanger, looking for the bomb; water drips from the ceiling, a la the Aliens films. Suddenly, she hears something behind her, and turns around. She sees dropping down from the ceiling a stuffed dummy that resembles Arnold, with a timer and a tape recorder attached.]
ARNOLD'S VOICE: So, you've found one of mah many multiple hideouts, yah! But you'll nevah find my *final* hideout! Now, prepare to be exploded severely! [The timer on the dummy begins to tick backwards from 60 seconds...]
SIGOURNEY: I've found the bomb! [Cynthia runs over]
CYNTHIA: Great! Now we'll just have to disarm it, before the entire place goes up like fireworks on the Fourth of July!
[Cut away from this, to the wacky airport scene. We see Pinky, still dressed like Axel Foley, is eating at the airport's McDonald's™ restaurant...he's laughing idiotically, and annoying the other patrons.]
PINKY: WAHAHAHA! This is great! Pricier airport versions of *great*-tasting food! *NARF*! [Takes out the prize; it's a miniature airplane toy] [Pinky waves it around, making airplane noises] Zoom! Whoosh! Hahaha!
[From off-screen, we hear sounds of Axel cursing profusely...]
AXEL: Hey! You! Get over here and help me out with this (bleep)in' thing!
PINKY: Um, OK!
[Pinky runs over to Axel, who's standing at the baggage return carousel.]
PINKY: Um, what's wrong?
AXEL: Wait—first, I have to have a sip of this delicious, highly satisfying name-brand beverage! [Whips out a bottle of Coca-Cola™, holds it up long enough for the camera to linger on it, then takes a long drink.] Mmmm...now that's the real (bleep), baby!
PINKY: Ooooh, I'll bet it is! [Looks at his wardrobe] Just like this stylish, Major League Baseball™-licensed Detroit Tigers jacket, Converse™ sneakers, and Levi's™ blue jeans are! *NARF*!
AXEL: [Setting his bottle of overpriced carbonated sugar water down] Now then, which one's our (bleep)in' bags?
PINKY: Hmmm...I dunno...they all look the same to me...
AXEL: Well, one of them's gotta be it!
PINKY: Uhh....maybe it's *that* one? [Points to a bag, which has large letters labelled Pinky plastered on the side of it] Don't worry, I'll get it! [Pinky climbs up onto the carousel, and tries moving the bag; however, it continues along the carousel path. Pinky climbs on top of it, and begins laughing wildly and waving]
PINKY: Hi-yo, Samsonite™! Away! Hahahaha!
AXEL: Hey! Get the (bleep) down from there! [Axel climbs onto the carousel, and grabs the bag; however, they're swept down a belt and towards a baggage loading center. They pass through an x-ray machine (with the usual cartoon-skeleton-cutaway gag seen), followed by a dimbulb baggage handler throwing the duo and bag sloppily into the back of a cart, attached to a golf cart-sized buggy. Axel and Pinky land in the front seat, and inadvertently start the cart's motor, sending it careening wildly all over the place, and towards the empty hanger.]
[Cut back to the hanger...we see the "Dynamic Duo" are still trying to diffuse the bomb...]
BRAIN: [Whispering] That isn't a *real* bomb in the device, is it?
BILLIE: [Whispering] Well, the JFK airport security said in this case we could...
BRAIN: [Whispering] *WHAT*?!
BILLIE: [Whispering] Yes...they'd been meaning to demolish this hanger for years, and finally found someone willing to do the job for cheap! Didn't *that* work out well in our favor?
BRAIN: [Slaps his face] Let's just hope that they diffuse the bomb in time...
[Cut to the women.]
SIGOURNEY: Stand back! I know a thing or two about bombs...now let's get this diffused! [Begins examining the wires carefully...meanwhile, cut back to the careening-out-of-control Axel and Pinky, who've wound up racing down an airport runway in their runaway cart. Pull back to see that this is being monitored once again by our Mysterious Executive...]
EXECUTIVE: Oh, ho, ho, this is rich! Thanks to disabling the brakes and steering on that cart of theirs, this film's going *be* "da bomb"! Ha!
[Cut back to the Cursing One and the Laughing One, with their film crew following behind them...]
AXEL: Hey! The brakes don't work on this (bleep)in' thing! That's not in the script!
PINKY: And neither is *that*! [Points ahead to a 747 that's taxiing towards them...Axel and Pinky scream. The plane's pilot, seeing this, also screams, and turns the plane away from the cart, but winds up heading towards the empty, bomb-containing hanger. The cart also winds up careening towards the hanger as well...inside:]
SIGOURNEY: Um...perhaps *this* does something? [Pulls a wire; we see that it does nothing. The rest of the crew look at this nervously.]
BRAIN: [Looking behind him] What's that noise?
[All turn around, to see that heading towards them is the 747, followed in close pursuit by the out-of-control baggage cart. All scream, and race out of the hanger, dragging their filming equipment with them. The 747 pulls to a stop just outside the hanger; however, the golf cart keeps careening ahead, and winds up slamming into the bomb-containing dummy. Axel and Pinky jump off, and race out of the hanger at top speed. We also see the plane's pilot and crew climb out of the plane, as well as...]
BILLIE: The *VOO DOO DOLLS*! I thought they'd never get here!
LEAD SINGER: Yep, it's us! Finally made it...but not on the best of transport means...lousy discount airline flights...
[Suddenly, the hanger blows up; we see the hanger collapse, yet amazingly causing little damage to the plane itself. All breathe a sigh of relief.]
BRAIN: [Raising an eyebrow at Axel and Pinky] Pinky, what happened?
AXEL: Somebody took the (bleep)in' brakes and steering off that cart! We were careenin' outta control!
BRAIN: Sounds like another mysterious "accident"...hmm...come, let us return to the lab, and prepare for the next scene...
[The entire Lethal Intellect staff and the Voo Doo Dolls leave the scene...]
[Cut to the executive-guy's office, which is finally better-lit this time. We see that his office walls are adorned with posters advertising such films as "The Abysmal", "Illegal Aliens", and so forth....we see at his desk that his back is still turned to us, but not for long...we see him finally swivel around, to reveal that this figure is a caricature of director James Cameron. The figure grips a small statue of a Verminator on his desk, and grips it tightly, before it finally breaks in two. A nameplate is finally seen as well for this caricature: "Jim Macaroon"]
MACAROON: GAAAH! Those fools *survived*! (Rubs the sides of his head) I need to relax----(yells off-screen) enter, my loyal subjects!
[We see rush into the room are several minions dressed like medieval palace aides; they swarm the director with a royal robe, crown, and a cup of coffee...]
MINION: Anything else you need, sire?
MACAROON: Yes....the Brain to cease production of his film!
MINION #2: Is there a particular reason why, sire?
MACAROON: Of course! One reason, two words: "Verminator 3"!
[He points to a poster reading "Coming Soon: Verminator 3: The Killfest Continues!", with a picture of a Verminator wielding big honkin' guns]
MACAROON: I've spent *years* working on trying to bring "V3" to fruition, and I'm not about to have my thunder stolen by someone about to release what could be the biggest cinematic action-filled hit since....
MINION: Your movie about the big sinking boat?
MACAROON: Indeed... (Points to another poster, reading "LUSITANIA"; a subcaption reads "Passion and drama amongst the German U-Boats!" The lead actor shown appears to look as if he hasn't quite finished puberty yet; he looks a bit like the squeaky-voiced teenager on the "Simpsons"...) "Lusitania" brought in enough money to buy out China---but it won't be surpassed or matched by the likes of "Lethal Intellect". That is, not as long as I still have that ace up my sleeve.... (Presses a button on a callbox) Peterson? Is the Verminator robot we ordered from Cincinnati's ACME Labs still recharging?
PETERSON: (VO) Yes, sir, it is....and we've finished filming for today on the "V3" set.
MACAROON: *Excellent*. Bring it to my limo; I'll be down in five minutes.
PETERSON: Are you planning some sort of movie promotion, sir?
MACAROON: (Grins slyly) You might say that....(hangs up) By this time next week, "Lethal Intellect" will be little more than a mere memory...and *I* will still reign as---KING OF THE CINEMA! (Laughs sinisterly and raises his fists, as dramatic music plays)
[Cut to ACME Labs, where the final film editing's being done by the mice on the lab's computers. The crew is still there, save for the Voo Doo Dolls.]
BILLIE: Hmph...nice going, Eggy. Thanks to your budgeting, we didn't have enough to keep the Dolls on to do a song number for this thing!
BRAIN: Well, with the "budget" we got from the studio, we couldn't help it. Besides, we managed to find a substitute "love ballad" for the big romantic scene between one of the cyborg drones and Cynthia...
BILLIE: (Making a face) Yes....but, still----"Sugar Sugar"?!
BRAIN: Well, it was either that, or "Yummy Yummy Yummy I've Got Love In My Tummy"... (glares at Pinky, who laughs at this song title) There wasn't much to choose from at the bookmobile's CD stacks...and Mr. Combs over there has run into a few, ahem, "difficulties" with the soundtrack to our film.
[Pan over to Mr. Combs, now with only one arm in a sling, as he's reading over a pile of "cease and desist" orders issued by the artists whose songs he was trying to "borrow" for the soundtrack.]
PUFF: Feh....who'd figure that Devo had *lawyers*?
BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Well, at this rate, as soon as the "soundtrack"'s done, and the final editing's complete, we'll be ready to bring forth unto the world "Lethal Intellect"---and my *rule*!
PINKY: Oooooh, sounds *wonderful*, Brain! I'm all a-tingle!
[Outside the window of the lab, we see a limo parked in the street. Near the front window, we see a steely, metallic figure with glowing red eyes look in....we see the mice in a set of viewfinders, with computer text reading "TARGET: PINKY AND BRAIN....ASSIGNMENT: BRAIN-DEATH BEFORE LETHAL INTELLECT PREMIERE". Cutting to the limo, we see Macaroon glee evilly at this, before ordering his driver to pull away....]
[Cut to sometime several days later, at the Artemis Theater in Harlem, New York; the theater's done up spectacularly for the premiere of "Lethal Intellect", with searchlights, velvet ropes, red carpet, the works. The marquee reads: "TONIGHT: Theatrical Debut of 'Lethal Intellect'". We see a crowd of screaming fans, and a limo pull up....out steps the various stars of the film, all dudded up for the occasion in formal clothes (with Pinky and Brain dressed as they were in "Cinebrainia"). Cutting to inside the theater, we see the stars of the film are seated in a roped-off section in the back row...]
BRAIN: (To Pinky) This is it, Pinky...if this film's a hit with the low-brow masses, we'll be sure to take over the *WORLD*! Did you distribute the free passes to tonight's performance to the various critics?
PINKY: (Points to caricatures of Roger Ebert, Gene Shalit, and other famous reviewers in the front row) Right there! And *this* time, no shampoo...(whispers to Brain) it wasn't on sale at the supermarket this week, POIT!
BRAIN: (Rolling his eyes) Wonderful... (to Axel) Did you give the same passes to places where likely fans of this film would congregate, Axel?
AXEL: Yep! That seedy bar down the street, an arena football game, and a WWF "Smackdown" bout!
BRAIN: *Excellent*. Cynthia, did you put those pictures of yourself on the "Lethal Intellect" website?
CYNTHIA: You mean the pictures of me in that completely gratuitous scene where I had to go to Hawaii and prance around in that swimsuit?!
BRAIN: *Indeed*....such scantily-clad tactics are another factor in attracting the typical age 18-34 male action movie crowd!
BILLIE: (Makes another face at the thought of that scene) Maybe so, but I think that bit set back us women a good couple of years...
BRAIN: Don't worry....by the time this film's done, we'll be taking women *and* men light-years forward!
[The theater darkens, indicating the show's about to begin...however, something seems amiss: we see a figure at the bottom edge of the screen with glowing eyes and a metallic finish]
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Of all the insensitive rudeness---(Yells) Would you be so kind as to perform the act known in the common vernacular as "DOWN IN FRONT"?!
FIGURE: (In a heavy Austrian accent) No prah-blem...I'd be glad to...
[The lights in the theater light up, as everyone gasps at what appears on the stage in front of the screen: namely, the Verminator itself! Who is joined in short order by Jim Macaroon and (all healed up) Molly Ringwald...the audience begins mumbling/talking amongst themselves...]
PINKY: Egad! It's the King of the World himself! (Seeing Molly) And that "Pickup Artist" lady, POIT!
BRAIN: (To Pinky, annoyed) *I* am the rightful owner of that "King" title... (walks down the aisle towards the "Dynamic Trio") And I'd like to know what purpose this...."disruption"...is to serve!