What Randy Beaman said. (Chainlink! Post your own!)

[don Jaime]

You know what?

Okay, this one time, you see, Randy Beaman, his aunt and uncle went out to eat supper, 'cause they were sick of cooking, and didn't know how, at least that's what Randy Beaman says his mom says. She says they can burn water. Anyway, they went to Colonel Sanders, and they got chicken, a big bucket of it, and some biscuits and gravy, and I think mashed potatoes, and they took it home to eat it, and Randy Beaman's aunt got a chicken wing to eat, and she took a bite, only it wasn't a chicken wing, it was a mouse that fell in the chicken cooker.

It's true. Randy Beaman says he has the pictures.

Okay, bye.

[don Jaime]

Okay, this one time Randy Beaman went to his grandma's house, and he wanted a soda pop, and his grandma poured him a BIG, BIG glass of diet soda, and Randy Beaman doesn't like diet soda, and his grandma's lipstick was on the glass!

And Randy Beaman's mom made him drink the diet soda out of the lipsticky glass even though he didn't want it!

So Randy Beaman made himself sick and he threw up!

Like this! R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-e-t-c-h!

He got spanked for it, too.

Okay, bye.

[DR. BELCH]

Um...okay, this is kind of a nasty one, but...one time Randy Beaman woke up one morning and he, like, has to go #1 real bad, but he didn't, you know, want to walk all the way down the hall to the bathroom because he was really sleepy. So he took this glass on his windowsill, and, well, you know, took a wee in it, then rolled over and went back to sleep. Well, a couple of hours later Randy Beaman was all rested, and the glass was still on the windowsill, so Randy Beaman went downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. So...um...Randy Beaman's big brother came into his room, and he was all hot and sweaty from joging, and he saw the glass on the windowsill, and he thought it was fresh lemonade...so he drank it down in one big gulp.
True story.
Okay. Bye.

[don Jaime]

Good one, Belchie!

Okay, Randy Beaman says there was this girl that Randy Beaman's big sister went to school with, and she wasn't very nice, she was kinda mean, and she liked to beat up Randy Beaman's sister. And one day she told Randy Beaman's sister she wouldn't beat her up any more if she ATE BUGS! So-o-o-o-o-o Randy Beaman's sister ran all around until she caught a big grasshopper, and she put it in her mouth and she ATE IT! And the big kid said she was going to beat Randy Beaman's sister up anyway for being stupid! And when Randy Beaman's sister opened her mouth to yell, the big grasshopper flew out and hit the big kid right between the EYES! And she fainted!

And Randy Beaman's sister didn't get beat up any more after that.

Okay, bye.

[don Jaime]

Okay, this one time, Randy Beaman's family went to the beach, and Randy Beaman went swimming, and his swimsuit came off, and it floated away and Randy Beaman couldn't find it, and Randy Beaman was NAKED! And he liked it! So Randy Beaman wouldn't put his clothes on, and his butt got sunburned, and his mom and dad said he deserved it.

Okay, bye.

[DR. BELCH]

Um...okay...so one time Randy Beaman's parents were out for the night...and Randy Beaman's big sister had her boyfriend over...and they were making out on Mr. and Mrs. Beaman's new white sofa...and I think his name was Charlie...anyway, I think he had a chocolate candy bar in his pocket, and it melted or something, 'cuz when they finished, you know, doing what they were doing, there was a big brown stain on the couch....

[RANDY BEAMAN's FRIEND pauses to scratch his bum.]

...so anyway, they left a note for Randy Beaman's parents that the dog made the stain, and they left. When they came back later that night they were really upset to learn that Randy Beaman's parents had gotten rid of the dog....

[RANDY BEAMAN makes a scritching noise, finger across his throat.]

Okay. Bye.

[don Jaime]

One night Randy Beaman's big brother hid in Randy Beaman's closet and made all these scary noises, trying to make Randy Beaman think he was monster, and it worked, and Randy Beaman snuck out of bed and got his dad, and his dad went upstairs to prove there wasn't a monster in Randy Beaman's closet, and when Randy Beaman's dad got to his room, Randy Beaman's big brother thought Randy Beaman's dad was Randy Beaman, and he jumped out at him, and Randy Beaman's dad thought Randy Beaman's big brother was a monster, too!

Randy Beaman's big brother had to wait a month after his birthday to get his driver's license because of that.

Okay, bye.

[Danielle]

Originally posted by DR. BELCH
Um...okay...so one time Randy Beaman's parents were out for the night...and Randy Beaman's big sister had her boyfriend over...and they were making out on Mr. and Mrs. Beaman's new white sofa...and I think his name was Charlie...anyway, I think he had a chocolate candy bar in his pocket, and it melted or something, 'cuz when they finished, you know, doing what they were doing, there was a big brown stain on the couch....

[RANDY BEAMAN's FRIEND pauses to scratch his bum.]

...so anyway, they left a note for Randy Beaman's parents that the dog made the stain, and they left. When they came back later that night they were really upset to learn that Randy Beaman's parents had gotten rid of the dog....

[RANDY BEAMAN makes a scritching noise, finger across his throat.]

Okay. Bye.

That is.......sick.