Michael Bay's "Hansel and Gretel" Pre-Release Discussion (Spoilers)

[Blankments]

No, I am not kidding.



Michael Bay's The Institue will produce Hansel and Gretel in 3D, an action-packed visual FX-filled version of the classic Grimm Brothers fairytale.

In addition to the infamous witch in the gingerbread house, the film showcases the legendary creatures of German mythology. These Teutonic beings will be designed by Joseph C. Pepe, the lead character designer from Avatar. The film is live action.

The movie is being produced by The Institute and Kalliope Films. The Institute was co-founded by Michael Bay and Scott Gardenhour. Kalliope Films was founded by Kira Madallo Sesay. Scott Gardenhour and Kira Madallo Sesay are the producers on the film.

The movie is scheduled for a spring 2011 shoot on location in Germany.



http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=68069

Wow. Just, wow. This is the closest we are going to get to Armageddon.

EDIT: Oops. Can a mod change the title to Michael Bay's "Hansel and Gretel" Pre-Release Discussion (Spoilers?). I have no idea what happened otherwise.

[PC!]

I read "Michael Bay's Hansel and Gretel" and immediately burst out laughing.

Those are two things that sound normal on their own, but downright hilarious in the same sentence.

[jph139]

In addition to the infamous witch in the gingerbread house, the film showcases the legendary creatures of German mythology.

I'm going to be honest, the idea of Hansel and Gretel wandering through the woods and meeting with all sorts of Germanic monsters sounds really, really rad. Like Pan's Labyrinth or something, y'know?

Of course, it's Michael Bay, so... I doubt it'd be anywhere near as good as Pan's Labyrinth... but I do like the concept.

[Nexonius]

Ugh, I'm thinking of barfing now.


Seriously, go away Michael Bay.

[Taekmkm]

I am honestly curious on how he's going to insert explosions in this one.

[Spideyzilla]

I read "Michael Bay's Hansel and Gretel" and immediately burst out laughing.

Well, my mouth fell open.:eek: It's never going to close, never. You ruined Transformers, don't ruin a classic fairytale.So are they going to follow a trail of exploding bread crumbs?:sweat: Will there be an awkward "romance" of innuendo between Hansel and Gretel that would be so beyond creepy for reasons I don't have to explain?

[garfield15]

Well that's two different concepts I never thought could go together in a sentence.

And as I expected, I burst out laughing upon reading it.

[Tobias]

This should be interesting, just to see the Gingerbread House and half the forest explode in a series of Baysplosions.

[launchpad20]

Well, mySo are they going to follow a trail of exploding bread crumbs?:sweat: Will there be an awkward "romance" of innuendo between Hansel and Gretel that would be so beyond creepy for reasons I don't have to explain?:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

While that gave me a good laugh, I still want to hang my head in shame. This man has no sanity in his ego! :shame:

[Drifballoon]

I'm expecting at least the gingerbread house if not the whole forest to Baysplode :D

I've just got one question: Who okay'd this?

[Spideyzilla]

I'm expecting at least the gingerbread house if not the whole forest to Baysplode :D

I've just got one question: Who okay'd this?

However it was, they were obviously drunk.

[Jacob T. Paschal]

Why do I imagine Schwarzenegger starring in the film, equip with an arsenal of weapons to kill these Germanic monsters?

[Daxdiv]

Why does this sounds like a topic I would see on April Fools Day? But, isn't something like this out of his "directorial skills?" I mean, is he going to jazz it up to Transformers levels of writing?

[chdr]

Oh, wow. It's like Hollywood is starting to fall into self-parody.

[Rainbow Sharpie]

I lol'd so hard. I must've broken a rib or two after reading that title. Will the witch be Megan Fox?

[mgr91686]

I burst out laughing upon hearing this, and my first thought after that was "I gotta see this!".

I can only hope that it will be as outlandish as the title suggests.

[AlgeaX]

Dear Lord, can you imagine the Rifftrax?

[Rick Jones]

The first thing I thought of was Freeway, the crazy psychotic Red Riding Hood adaptation that starred Reese Witherspoon and Keifer Sutherland. He's probably just trying to cash in on the success of ALice In WOnderland though.

[W.C.Reaf]

I must point out that it doesn't say he's directing it, just that his company is producing it.

Although yeah "action-packed Hansel and Gretel" does sound like something that isn't going to end well. How does one make Hansel and Gretel "action-packed"?

[li_mangaman]

I think that Michael Bay has much untapped potential which he could not showcase with much of the previous scripts with which he had worked. If he is directing, I am looking forward to seeing what he can do.

[Beat]

So we're going to get exploding gingerbread?

[Mario500]

My first reaction after reading the news article was imagining the reactions from some folks responding to this news and I read what I expected: humorous responses. I was also expecting references to the animated cartoon short titled "Bewitched Bunny" featuring Hansel (pronounced "HON-sel") and Gretel along with Bugs Bunny and Witch Hazel.

This new interpretation of the story sounds interesting, especially with plans to produce it on location in Germany. I hope it turns out well.

[Gold Guy]

Um, what the heck!?! This is very strange and slightly disturbing. I'd rather see a Tim Burton version of Hansel and Gretel.

[Shawn Hopkins]

I am honestly curious on how he's going to insert explosions in this one.

And his fetish for American military hardware. Aw, shucks, he'll find a way.


Oh, wow. It's like Hollywood is starting to fall into self-parody.

Starting?


Um, what the heck!?! This is very strange and slightly disturbing. I'd rather see a Tim Burton version of Hansel and Gretel.

No need, you've said it, everyone here has already imagined it. Burton is so predictable and tired that the movie hearing the phrase "Tim Burton's Hansel and Gretel" makes in your head is pretty much the movie that would inevitably end up on the screen.

[langden alger]

This is like some Family Guy cut-away gag come to life....

I can imagine that instead of being brother and sister, Hansel will be some tuff young loner and Gretel will be some hot babe he meets up with. And somehow the U.S Military will swoop in to help the two of them fight off the witch.-plus a car chase involving a tanker trunk.



Originally Posted by Gold Guy http://www.toonzone.net/forums/images/buttons/buttons_tvc/viewpost.gif (http://www.toonzone.net/forums/showthread.php?p=3651270#post3651270)
Um, what the heck!?! This is very strange and slightly disturbing. I'd rather see a Tim Burton version of Hansel and Gretel.


No need, you've said it, everyone here has already imagined it. Burton is so predictable and tired that the movie hearing the phrase "Tim Burton's Hansel and Gretel" makes in your head is pretty much the movie that would inevitably end up on the screen.



Helena bonham Carter as the witch, Jhonny Depp thrown in any possible way Burton could get him(prob. as the sandman) lots of black curly, twisty trees, black and white stripes, plenty of white powder and dark eye shadow.....I think we've all def. already seen the movie in our heads already lol....

[Mr. Hypocrite]

I am honestly curious on how he's going to insert explosions in this one.

Simple. Push Witch into oven like in the original story, then watch as Hansel and Gretel escape from the exploding Gingerbread House slow motion style, because, obviously, pushing a witch into an oven would cause a massive chain reaction.

I'm not saying a thing. I'm gonna wait to see how this pans out.

[Blankments]

I'm just hoping for the funniest line possible.

"It's like something out of a fairy tale."

[PunkPhantom]

This will be a complete disaster!!:p

[Paul_Cousins]

I read "Michael Bay's Hansel and Gretel" and immediately burst out laughing.

Those are two things that sound normal on their own, but downright hilarious in the same sentence.Depends on your point of view. When I read that line, my first thought was, "Black Lagoon side-story".

I am very glad I was wrong.

And if you don't know what I am talking about, consider yourself lucky. :sweat:

[JAG]

Well, Bay will undoubtedly give us all an education in the proper conduct of 21st century witch hunting. Torches? Pitchforks? Torture? God, no.

Just bring in a squadron of B-52s and carpet-bomb the freak!

This movie should be interesting, at least. One of those things you can't not see.

[AlgeaX]

Well, Bay will undoubtedly give us all an education in the proper conduct of 21st century witch hunting. Torches? Pitchforks? Torture? God, no.

Just bring in a squadron of B-52s and carpet-bomb the freak!

This movie should be interesting, at least. One of those things you can't not see.

Heck yeah, I can't wait to see this thing. It could be the next Plan 9 From Outer Space!

[Antiyonder]

Here's another one. It will be established that their mom did drugs, a gingerbread will how should I put this, grab onto Gretel's leg.

Oh and there will be a gingerbread representing a racial sterotype.

[Mesousa]

You sure this isn't Bernicio Del Toro's making?

Really? Cause that's too smart for Michael Bay.

[launchpad20]

The first thing I thought of was Freeway, the crazy psychotic Red Riding Hood adaptation that starred Reese Witherspoon and Keifer Sutherland. He's probably just trying to cash in on the success of ALice In Wonderland though.That alone just screams 'Robot Chicken Skit'.
. I was also expecting references to the animated cartoon short titled "Bewitched Bunny" featuring Hansel (pronounced "HON-sel") and Gretel along with Bugs Bunny and Witch Hazel.
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

:bugs1: HONsel? HONsel?
I lol'd so hard. I must've broken a rib or two after reading that title. Will the witch be Megan Fox?
:lol::lol::lol::lol:

:bugs1: Yeah, I know, but aren't they all witches inside?

[AdamYJ]

One of the nice things about these classic folk tales is that no matter how much Hollywood may screw with them, the originals will still be there to go back to. They've been in the collective consciousness too long to be taken down by one bad movie.

[Beat]

One of the nice things about these classic folk tales is that no matter how much Hollywood may screw with them, the originals will still be there to go back to. They've been in the collective consciousness too long to be taken down by one bad movie.

Or in this case, $50 million in explosions.

[garfield15]

Depends on your point of view. When I read that line, my first thought was, "Black Lagoon side-story".

I am very glad I was wrong.

And if you don't know what I am talking about, consider yourself lucky. :sweat:
I know what you're talking about!

And ironically, it would make more sense for Bay to be making a movie about them.

[Kaveh77]

XD Hansel and Gretel with non stop explosions and giant robots

[spongebob03]

I thought the title of the thread was a trick to get people to click on the topic, and it would be about something else! :eek: