Captain Caps
03-26-2002, 09:49 PM
(Fade in on Captain Caps' room, since repaired and redone from the "Commentary Version" of HYAWLC. Caps enters the picture, reading a magazine with Kylie Minogue on the cover)
Captain Caps: Oh, how do you do? It's your old lunatic writer Captain Caps. Now several years ago, I entered work on a chainlink fanfic where Yakko and Wakko fall in love with the same girl. Romey and a long-since-left writer named "The Cute One" also worked on it. Cutie came up with the story and we tried to give it a go, but nothing worked. Now, I'm bringing forth a new "Animaniacs" romance chainlink. There's nothing hardcore or graphic in this fanfic...it's a light, airy, marshmallow wisp of a thing. I must lay down these rules: No evil babies, no media magnates, and no super-powered villains, drug dealer's daughters, cannibals or genetic scientists looking to kill the Warners, mutate the mice or steal holidays. This is a personality-based fanfic. Oh, and NO TWO PLACES AT ONCE and NO RIGHT-BEHIND-THEM.
(Enter Yakko, Wakko and Dot)
Yakko: None of that? None of the things our reading audience has come to expect from these tales?
Wakko: Gee, I guess if we have none of that, we have no fanfic at all.
Dot: Really? Vacation time! Universal Studios, anyone?
Caps: Not so fast...If you do this fanfic, it'll be worth your while! Yakko, Wakko, you like women, right?
Yakko: You bet! (Producing a picture of Paulina Porizkova) Hello, How-come-she-ended-up-with-that-black-haired-sunglasses-wearing-guy-from-The Cars Nurse!
Dot: That was wordy!
Caps: Dot, you like men, right?
Dot: Absolutely! Did you see Mel on the Oscars? What a handsome man! I was rooting for Peter Jackson to win, though! I mean, Opie got it?
Caps: Well, in this fanfic, romance is the name of the game, and you, the Warner siblings are the players. Now, without further ado...
(Fade in to the current Warner logo with the "As Time Goes By" fanfare, as Caps announces)
Caps: (V.O) And now, from Warner Brothers and the WBC Story Board, Yakko, Wakko and Dot in a great romantic tale...hopefully!
(Fade in to the Warner lot. As the usual mix of celebs from the 90s episodes meet the newer stars of after the "Animaniacs" run, we see the fanfic title)
"IN LOVE AND WARNERS"
(Pan up to the tower. Yakko, Wakko and Dot are reading various newspapers while having breakfast, Wakko eating the most, of course)
Dot: It says the weather's going to warm and sunny for the next two weeks. What say we leave the tower and take a vacation to the shore?
Yakko: (Flatly) Eh, why not? We'll probably just meet up with Stewie or Hannibal or Gene Splicer or The Circle or Bill Gates, and then gain a cast big enough to make me blow my brains out with that pistol Yosemite Sam gave me.
Dot: Well, Little Murray Sunshine, what's gotten into you?
Yakko: I'll tell you what it is...I'm lonely. I've had an incredibly tough time of it. I'm in my 70s, but I'm trapped in a 6-year-old's body. I need someone to see me on the inside and not the outside. I have familial love, but I need the romantic kind. The thing is that no one on the lot bats an eyelash towards me. I mean, do you honestly think that Hello Nurse would give me a shot?
Wakko: Yakko has a point. I've been feeling a tad lonely myself. The pinups from the magazines...How many of them will I ever meet?
Dot: Well, "Moulin Rouge" says that "The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return".
Yakko: In that case...
Yakko, Wakko and Dot: We need an education!
(The siblings start scouring the want ads, as we fade in to an apartment on the other side of town. In the shadows, an attractive woman in her 30s is being slapped around by her boyfriend)
Woman: You've been drinking again, haven't you?
Man: Yeah, I have. What's it to you, (bleep)?
Woman: You don't need to pollute yourself this way, Ricky.
Ricky: Yeah, Marlene? Well, I do. The bottle is my life. It's the one I talk to late at night when no one gives a (bleep).
Marlene: I could talk to you if you gave me a chance! Look, if you're this way, it's time to make a decision. Me or Miller? Love or Labatt's? A babe or a Budweiser?
(Ricky pauses a moment, then reaches his conclusion)
Ricky: Pack your stuff, and be out of here in a hour! I don't need you, ya filthy (bleep)!
(Marlene starts gathering her stuff and leaves in tears. We can see a tag saying that she's an employee of Warner Brothers Coastal Amusements, an AOL-Time Warner company. Fade back to the tower)
Yakko: No luck! We've called every number, and they're all outdated and taken. Dot, let's hit the coast!
(PICK UP HERE...ANYONE)
Captain Caps: Oh, how do you do? It's your old lunatic writer Captain Caps. Now several years ago, I entered work on a chainlink fanfic where Yakko and Wakko fall in love with the same girl. Romey and a long-since-left writer named "The Cute One" also worked on it. Cutie came up with the story and we tried to give it a go, but nothing worked. Now, I'm bringing forth a new "Animaniacs" romance chainlink. There's nothing hardcore or graphic in this fanfic...it's a light, airy, marshmallow wisp of a thing. I must lay down these rules: No evil babies, no media magnates, and no super-powered villains, drug dealer's daughters, cannibals or genetic scientists looking to kill the Warners, mutate the mice or steal holidays. This is a personality-based fanfic. Oh, and NO TWO PLACES AT ONCE and NO RIGHT-BEHIND-THEM.
(Enter Yakko, Wakko and Dot)
Yakko: None of that? None of the things our reading audience has come to expect from these tales?
Wakko: Gee, I guess if we have none of that, we have no fanfic at all.
Dot: Really? Vacation time! Universal Studios, anyone?
Caps: Not so fast...If you do this fanfic, it'll be worth your while! Yakko, Wakko, you like women, right?
Yakko: You bet! (Producing a picture of Paulina Porizkova) Hello, How-come-she-ended-up-with-that-black-haired-sunglasses-wearing-guy-from-The Cars Nurse!
Dot: That was wordy!
Caps: Dot, you like men, right?
Dot: Absolutely! Did you see Mel on the Oscars? What a handsome man! I was rooting for Peter Jackson to win, though! I mean, Opie got it?
Caps: Well, in this fanfic, romance is the name of the game, and you, the Warner siblings are the players. Now, without further ado...
(Fade in to the current Warner logo with the "As Time Goes By" fanfare, as Caps announces)
Caps: (V.O) And now, from Warner Brothers and the WBC Story Board, Yakko, Wakko and Dot in a great romantic tale...hopefully!
(Fade in to the Warner lot. As the usual mix of celebs from the 90s episodes meet the newer stars of after the "Animaniacs" run, we see the fanfic title)
"IN LOVE AND WARNERS"
(Pan up to the tower. Yakko, Wakko and Dot are reading various newspapers while having breakfast, Wakko eating the most, of course)
Dot: It says the weather's going to warm and sunny for the next two weeks. What say we leave the tower and take a vacation to the shore?
Yakko: (Flatly) Eh, why not? We'll probably just meet up with Stewie or Hannibal or Gene Splicer or The Circle or Bill Gates, and then gain a cast big enough to make me blow my brains out with that pistol Yosemite Sam gave me.
Dot: Well, Little Murray Sunshine, what's gotten into you?
Yakko: I'll tell you what it is...I'm lonely. I've had an incredibly tough time of it. I'm in my 70s, but I'm trapped in a 6-year-old's body. I need someone to see me on the inside and not the outside. I have familial love, but I need the romantic kind. The thing is that no one on the lot bats an eyelash towards me. I mean, do you honestly think that Hello Nurse would give me a shot?
Wakko: Yakko has a point. I've been feeling a tad lonely myself. The pinups from the magazines...How many of them will I ever meet?
Dot: Well, "Moulin Rouge" says that "The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return".
Yakko: In that case...
Yakko, Wakko and Dot: We need an education!
(The siblings start scouring the want ads, as we fade in to an apartment on the other side of town. In the shadows, an attractive woman in her 30s is being slapped around by her boyfriend)
Woman: You've been drinking again, haven't you?
Man: Yeah, I have. What's it to you, (bleep)?
Woman: You don't need to pollute yourself this way, Ricky.
Ricky: Yeah, Marlene? Well, I do. The bottle is my life. It's the one I talk to late at night when no one gives a (bleep).
Marlene: I could talk to you if you gave me a chance! Look, if you're this way, it's time to make a decision. Me or Miller? Love or Labatt's? A babe or a Budweiser?
(Ricky pauses a moment, then reaches his conclusion)
Ricky: Pack your stuff, and be out of here in a hour! I don't need you, ya filthy (bleep)!
(Marlene starts gathering her stuff and leaves in tears. We can see a tag saying that she's an employee of Warner Brothers Coastal Amusements, an AOL-Time Warner company. Fade back to the tower)
Yakko: No luck! We've called every number, and they're all outdated and taken. Dot, let's hit the coast!
(PICK UP HERE...ANYONE)