Titanic: The Animated Movie (Nope, I ain't makin this up)

[James Harvey]

On July 24th, the indie company EQUINOX will release Titanic: The Animated Movie to video and DVD. The movie is (and this if from the official press release) 'An exciting tale set aboard the famous ship Titanic, where you will meet many lovable characters as they embark on a fun-filled adventure across the sea! With a child friendly ending, everyone is rescused and live happily ever after'. It's so great to see yet another movie that glosses over true events just to make everything happy. I mean, how can you NOT miss that about 3000 people died when Titanic went down? Then again, the main drive of this movie is to appease the kiddies, pre-teens, and (some) parents who couldn't handle DiCaprio being put out of his misery (and ours). The movie will star, aside from the two nameless human leads, a wacky duck and a family of loveable mice. Instead of Billy Zane, the bad guy in this movie will be two evil mice.

Gee, how can this NOT fail??

[I.R Joey]

It's official nothing is sacred.

That's not just stupid, but insulting to the people who lived through seeing their loved ones die. But besides that.

What the heck are these geniuses thinking? I mean why...how...oh well have to remember not to try and reason the entertainment industry.

[Calhoun07]

What are they going to release next? THE ANIMATED ADVENTURES OF HITLER? Instead of killing Jews and performing insane experiments on them, he just invites them to camp to roast marshmallows and to play volleyball! Fun for kiddies and adults alike! Forget that history can be and is filled with tragedy!

[icecold]

:eek:

[James Harvey]

Next they'll redo the VIETNAM so it will turn out only to be a bunch of Americans (and a crazy cat) who skip down to Vietnam to get some coffee beans. Hilarity ensues.

[Calhoun07]

Or how about an animted verion of PEARL HARBOR? Ben Affleck is replaced by a shaggy hound dog, his love interest is a beautiful pure bred, and they all try to save the infamous army base from those evil slanty eyed cats! But before the slanty eyed cats can be seen as a negative sterotype for kiddies today, they drop KIBBLES AND BITS on the army base and all the dogs that are there get to eat and the cats land and they all live happily ever after!

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by calhoun07
Or how about an animted verion of PEARL HARBOR? Ben Affleck is replaced by a shaggy hound dog, his love interest is a beautiful pure bred, and they all try to save the infamous army base from those evil slanty eyed cats! But before the slanty eyed cats can be seen as a negative sterotype for kiddies today, they drop KIBBLES AND BITS on the army base and all the dogs that are there get to eat and the cats land and they all live happily ever after!

No, that would be better than the movie they actually made. :D

[The Mad Hatter]

Wha? Guh?

Sheesh.

These are the guys who produce direct to video crap ripoffs of whatever Disney movie is coming out next, huh?

[DR. BELCH]

calhoun07 :
What are they going to release next? THE ANIMATED ADVENTURES OF HITLER? Instead of killing Jews and performing insane experiments on them, he just invites them to camp to roast marshmallows and to play volleyball! Fun for kiddies and adults alike! Forget that history can be and is filled with tragedy!
Well, Mel Brooks did the play "Springtime For Hitler" in one of his movies...but that was more biting and satirical than cutesy. Same with Moe Howard's portrayal of Shickelgruber in "You Natzy Spy!" and "I'll Never Heil Again". Wasn't this a joke on Saturday Night Live once, about a cartoon Titanic? Hoo boy. Pass me that bottle of hootch at the end of the bar, Urich, and keep 'em comin'.
Be grateful it wasn't Disney, at least. Maybe I'll pitch that animated Inferno idea to these clowns if The Mouse says no...and I can throw in my ideas for animated versions of The Epic of Gilgamesh and Marlowe's Dr. Faustus to boot. :p

[Bird Boy]

wow..that sounds like a great movie. Right up with the Pearl Harbor: The True Story (edited for Kids). It's about how the Japanese turned back,because they realized they were being bad boys, and that the americans all thanked them,and they came down and had tea and crumpets.

-BB

[James Harvey]

I can only imagine what other events they'll gloss over so 'everyone lives in the new happy ending'. Maybe the Gulf War will be a Golf Showdown between Isreali and US, but Isreali will also be American to avoid negative stereotypes.

[The Dork Knight]

On July 24th, the indie company EQUINOX will release Titanic: The Animated Movie to video and DVD. The movie is (and this if from the official press release) 'An exciting tale set aboard the famous ship Titanic, where you will meet many lovable characters as they embark on a fun-filled adventure across the sea! With a child friendly ending, everyone is rescused and live happily ever after'. It's so great to see yet another movie that glosses over true events just to make everything happy. I mean, how can you NOT miss that about 3000 people died when Titanic went down? Then again, the main drive of this movie is to appease the kiddies, pre-teens, and (some) parents who couldn't handle DiCaprio being put out of his misery (and ours). The movie will star, aside from the two nameless human leads, a wacky duck and a family of loveable mice. Instead of Billy Zane, the bad guy in this movie will be two evil mice.
:eek: :mad: THIS IS INSANE!PEOPLE DIED ON THAT BOAT DAMMIT!What'll they think of next WW2:The Animated Movie? God!Maybe they'll make "Hannibal:The Animated Series". In this it'll probably say that insted of a iceberg, they hit a giant snow cone.Somethings wrong with the world today.

[optimal321]

And these people make movies for a living. That has got to be the dumbest thing i have ever read in my life. How do people w/ such low-browed ideas find work at this? Ya know, i'm not even gonna dignify this by ranting any longer.

[Firefly]

In the words of Adam Sandler:

"Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one"

[RockItShipper]

One of the TV Funhouse shorts on SNL was an ad for Disney's Titanic. I just saw it on Comedy Central just a couple days ago. Weeeeeeeird.

[James Harvey]

Cool yer jets, Gotlucky64. Incase ya haven't read the rules, language like "Jesus Tap Dancing Christ. WHAT THE FU%$" ain't allowed here, even if half the word is covered up. It's in the rules, bub. And yeah, this movie is a horrible, horrible idea. It makes no sense to gloss over what could be (for lack of better terms) the most popular disaster in history, It was one of the most terrible things to ever happen, yet they still have to gloss it over. I hope they don't show this movie in history class.

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by RockItShipper
One of the TV Funhouse shorts on SNL was an ad for Disney's Titanic. I just saw it on Comedy Central just a couple days ago. Weeeeeeeird.

Hmm, that is a point. Someone seems to have beat Disney in the race for "Most Egregious Historical Misrepresentation."

[joker]

i think kids need to learn that bad stuff happens. not think that desney(or who ever) will make every thing better.

[DR. BELCH]

RockItShipper
One of the TV Funhouse shorts on SNL was an ad for Disney's Titanic.
I mentioned that above. I think Smeigel unwittingly inspired these [expletive deleted]s at Equine Posterior, as I will now call this video company. It's possible to do alternative history without cutesying it up or changing facts. I wrote a story for the fiction rags a while back that was set around the Lincoln assassination and its aftermath; I added the characters of a mysterious sabateur in green and a deaf-mute half-breed slave girl and focused much of the story itself on Booth's inner struggle...but anything I added only enhanced the history, not butchered it. Booth was a brilliant, tortured fanatic with dubious loyalities; Jefferson Davis was a drunken philanderer who stubbornly clung to his dying South. Will Jason Alexander voice the ocean liner in Equine Posterior's version as well? [grunts and spikes his fruit smoothie with hootch in anticipation of the answer]

[The Dork Knight]

opps... sorry
:D most of that stuff I heard in an episode of south park. I'm a baaaaaaaad boy.

[Calhoun07]

Man, I guess the media does affect today's youth!

[RockItShipper]

Originally posted by DR. BELCH

I mentioned that above. I think Smeigel unwittingly inspired these [expletive deleted]s at Equine Posterior, as I will now call this video company. It's possible to do alternative history without cutesying it up or changing facts. I wrote a story for the fiction rags a while back that was set around the Lincoln assassination and its aftermath; I added the characters of a mysterious sabateur in green and a deaf-mute half-breed slave girl and focused much of the story itself on Booth's inner struggle...but anything I added only enhanced the history, not butchered it. Booth was a brilliant, tortured fanatic with dubious loyalities; Jefferson Davis was a drunken philanderer who stubbornly clung to his dying South. Will Jason Alexander voice the ocean liner in Equine Posterior's version as well? [grunts and spikes his fruit smoothie with hootch in anticipation of the answer]

Well, as long as you don't have Booth being talked out of killing Lincoln and the two becoming buddies or such.... That's where this Titanic 'toon is headed. But it's not the only one. My little sister has an Anasastia video where the royal family (including a very lively Alexei) were reborn as talking musical instruments.

And I've heard of a B-movie called "Abe Lincoln, Freedom Fighter" that makes the clues on "A Pup Named Scooby Doo" look subtle.

[Maxie Zeus]

Originally posted by RockItShipper
My little sister has an Anasastia video where the royal family (including a very lively Alexei) were reborn as talking musical instruments.

Oh, ye godz! :mad:

Has anyone here read Robert K. Massie's history, "Nicholas and Alexandra"? Read that, and you'll understand why the above, I think, is even more tasteless and abhorrent than the Titanic nonsense. At the least the Titanic disaster can be, *ahem*, "re-imagined" as an adventure story. But how do you take a real-life Greek tragedy like the story of the last Romanovs and turn into something so dippily offensive as that?

Grrrr. . . .

[The Dork Knight]

Man, I guess the media does affect today's youth!
It's true, it's true! :D South Park kicks as.....butt. :D

[RockItShipper]

Originally posted by Gotlucky64

It's true, it's true! :D South Park kicks as.....butt. :D

I second that. I loved last week's episode. Certainly got me thinking... Haven't seen Wendy in a loooooooooong time. Maybe Cartman's comment at the end was more perceptive than Stan or Kyle'd like to admit. :D


Anyway, here's something I just found. This is possibly just as bad...
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/6305762635/ref=pd_rhf_p_3/103-3625315-1899059

[DR. BELCH]

Come to think of it, I haven't seen young Miss Testaberger since the episode she became smitten with Cartman. http://www.3dpcgames.com/cwm/s/contrib/sp/wendyico.gif Taking the Scott Tenneman episode into consideration with how Wendy disposed of Miss Ellen--well--I'm inclined to think those two are more made for each other than they realize. Between body hair in chili, hot dog-biting ponies, and shooting one's sub into the sun in an Iraqui rocket, Wendy and Eric would be a formidible couple. Just don't get on their bad side! :eek:
As for my Lincoln story--don't worry. Lincoln dies. Some might get upset with my portrayal of Davis as an alcoholic who's fooling around with a girl young enough to be his daughter, but...eh. I wrote another one later that has a scene with Marco Polo, during his travels in China, seeing the future in some cursed volcanic glass. I'm going to hell on so many levels.... :p