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J. B. Warner
02-01-2010, 12:15 AM
Well, it's been a long time coming, but now that I'm all settled into my new computer, I'm ready to get this thread going again! So let's kick off the archive once more with the long-awaited 10th anniversary issue, November 2000!



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And believe me, everybody who's anybody is here for this party! Or more accurately, everybody who was anybody at some point in time. Kind of funny to see Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles reappear on the cover long after they'd stopped being relevant. (Heh, Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles would make an awesome band name.)



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What, did they drop them from a plane? Where's PETA when you need 'em?
At this time of the year, you'd think Disney would be promoting the hell out of their next animated movie, The Emperor's New Groove. You'd be wrong, of course - as Mars has mentioned before, Disney was mortified at the goofy adventures of Kuzco and company, and pushed 102 Dalmatians as the must-see movie the 2000 holiday season. There's no justice at the Mouse House.



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"...Well, an A for effort, anyway."



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I watched a li'l bit of "Digimon" in my day, but the complete cast change in Season 2 really threw me. Judging by the horror stories I've heard about the way Season 2 ended, it's a good thing I didn't get attached to these characters.



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And here's where the party starts!...And to be honest, it's kind of pedestrian. The editors went the clip show route, reprinting notable excerpts and interesting tidbits from ten years' worth of articles. The real highlight is the timeline along the bottom of the pages that chronicles everything that was hip. Being the geek I am, I can't help but notice that they goofed up right off the bat; the Nicktoons premiered in August 1991, not 1990. Boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder.



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That kitten who climbed the Matterhorn - how come he doesn't have a movie based on his exploits yet? Get the guys who did Homeward Bound on the horn, maybe they can catch lightning in a bottle again.
Pogs came out in 1991? I only remember them from 1995, after which I never saw them again.



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I live in Massachusetts and I've never heard anybody talk about the Dover Demon. Neighboring Rhode Island used to have a monster, though. His name was John Alpert, he owned a furniture store, and he had the LOUDEST VOICE I'VE EVER HEARD. "ALPERT'S, ROUTE 6 IN SEEKONK!"



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Yeah, as if I wasn't creeped out enough by bees before, now I learn that they've got hairy eyes. They've got fur but they aren't mammals, they fly despite physics saying it's impossible - and they keep getting trapped in my damn bedroom window! These freaks of nature need to be stopped!



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I wonder if the Olsen twins, longtime DA readers that they are, remember being slammed for their live tour in the January 1994 issue. That was hilarious.



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I've also heard that wearing sunglasses while cutting onions will prevent the tears. And you look cool, too.
The timeline is starting to reach now. Seriously, Gordy? Nobody remembered that movie even when it was in theaters.
Also, Billy Madison? Not a kids' movie.



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Motorboating, huh?...You know what, I'm not even gonna go there. Moving on.
I still can't believe it took M&M's that long to induct blue into their rainbow. Now it just seems common, but back then, I remember it was a huge deal. Carlton on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" was particularly wrought-out about it. "Has the world gone mad?"



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"Want a piece of milk?"
I wonder who translated for Satoshi and Pikachu's birthday greeting there. If it was someone from 4Kids, they probably got it wrong.
Also, Happy Gilmore? NOT A KIDS' MOVIE.



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I never thought I'd say this, but Michael Eisner is right. Disney Adventures really did do young readers a great service by bringing them such awesome adventures for ten years. It makes their last seven years look that much more pathetic by comparison.
Also, Austin Powers? NOT A KIDS'...ah, you get the idea. Oh, and insert Tiger Woods joke here.



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Nobody's Angel apparently loved their comic so much, they needed to underline it three times. Nice to know somebody liked the Music 2000 issue. (Which is coming up in this thread, by the way.)



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So I guess if I got sick from eating too much chocolate, that technically counts as Montezuma's Revenge.
...Tough to segue into something nice about the late Roy Disney after that tasteless joke. Well, the guy was awesome anyway.



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"A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut!...Oh, wait, it is a nut." Booyah! In your face, Franklin Sherman!
Also, I guess now we know where John Madden got the idea for the turducken.



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Party's over, folks! You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!
On to the video game section, where a handy-dandy Cosmo-style quiz tells you what kind of gamer you are. And once again, the tip they provide for the Pokémon game is totally worthless. Everyone knows hitting B stops your Pokémon's evolution - why not tell us something about the breeding center or shinies or something important? Jeez...
Oh, and who's Eggbert? I guess they meant Egghead.



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In spite of my rabid Pokémon fanaticism when I was a stupid little kid, I never went this far. But I came pretty close.



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Ironically, "3-D Artist Wanted: No Experience Necessary" is actually what the first want ad for DreamWorks said.
Thank you, I'll be here all week.



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"And that creepy little girl who wrote a fanzine about vampires grew up to be...Stephenie Meyer. And now you know the rest of the story! I'm Paul Harvey."



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Ugh. "Gottus Catchemus Allus"? Hey, Nintendo of America, kissus my assus.



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I think Large Marge did it much better, don't you?



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This issue is also noteworthy for featuring the debut appearance of Little Gloomy. Sorry if I'm reopening any old wounds here, Mr. Walker.
The one thing about Gloomy that I think threw me was that stuff just kind of happened, and the characters were always just like "Whatever." It was a very sarcastic series overall.



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But if anything can outdo my indifference toward "Little Gloomy", it's my hatred of "Jet Pack Pets". This month, Dr. Scratchansniff here invents a three-story Halloween costume that runs on "the power of Halloween" (what?) and comes to life and terrorizes a Halloween party, and gah, I'm so very tired.



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And we close out with yet another futile attempt to make model rocketry look badass. I imagine this is what Mark McGwire looked like when he was 12.

Peter Paltridge
02-01-2010, 02:10 AM
Okay, Jesse.....new policy.

You have a LOT of images here -- this topic has one post so far and with all the images displayed, it already stretched farther than any page on the YouTube topics.

To make these easier to navigate....could you please, in the future, put each image inside a spoiler tag? I've done it for you this time, but next time it's your job.

On to the issue itself....
It's nice and fat, a full 128 pages, just like Mama Tommi Lewis used to make. So it had that going for it. 88 wimpy pages just wouldn't do for a celebration like this.

3D modeling software.....from Disney....in 2000? I'm really curious -- seriously. How powerful was that? Could you make any scene from Tron or would that slow your Packard Bell down too much? And how was it simplified so that children could make models and have fun doing it? It's a tedious task.

Love how Mark McGuire advises to "be a team player."

They mention Gordy instead of Babe. Oh, Disney Adventures.... *shakes head*

If you preordered Pokemon Gold or Silver, you received a promotional CD. I still have mine, at the bottom of a stack of CDs in the drawer next to me. It had the "Gottus Catchemus Allus" promo, some movie clips of Pokemon 2000, a couple wallpapers.....it was nothing special at all, but I reserved most of the games I wanted at that time anyway.

Kitschensyngk
02-01-2010, 04:14 PM
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Euugh. Lame-ius maximus.

John Pannozzi
02-01-2010, 05:51 PM
And believe me, everybody who's anybody is here for this party! Or more accurately, everybody who was anybody at some point in time. Kind of funny to see Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles reappear on the cover long after they'd stopped being relevant. (Heh, Macaulay Culkin and the Ninja Turtles would make an awesome band name.)


But the Ninja Turtles sure have become more relevant since that issue came out, with the new comics, tv show and movie, no?




I watched a li'l bit of "Digimon" in my day, but the complete cast change in Season 2 really threw me. Judging by the horror stories I've heard about the way Season 2 ended, it's a good thing I didn't get attached to these characters.


Interesting to note that the second season of Digimon is now availble in its original Japanese language with English subtitles on the Playstation Store (and possibly other places)




And here's where the party starts!...And to be honest, it's kind of pedestrian. The editors went the clip show route, reprinting notable excerpts and interesting tidbits from ten years' worth of articles. The real highlight is the timeline along the bottom of the pages that chronicles everything that was hip. Being the geek I am, I can't help but notice that they goofed up right off the bat; the Nicktoons premiered in August 1991, not 1990. Boy, I sure hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

Kinda bites that Animaniacs, Gargoyles and Darkwing Duck aren't included in the timeline, as they surely had a bigger and more positive impact on pop-culture than some of the stuff that WAS included.




Yeah, as if I wasn't creeped out enough by bees before, now I learn that they've got hairy eyes. They've got fur but they aren't mammals, they fly despite physics saying it's impossible - and they keep getting trapped in my damn bedroom window! These freaks of nature need to be stopped!

Ya know, I kinda think Bumblebees are rather cute. Honeybees, on the other hand...
Funny, I used to be deadly afraid of the scene in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" with the bees, but I watched the film again in its entirely for the first time in ages a few weeks ago, and wasn't scared in the least.






The timeline is starting to reach now. Seriously, Gordy? Nobody remembered that movie even when it was in theaters.

Gordy was released by Disney-owned Miramax (which, BTW, was recently consolidated into Walt Disney Studios/Touchstone), which explains why they promoted it.

More later....

J. B. Warner
02-02-2010, 10:47 AM
Scooting right along, here's an issue that should appeal to animation enthusiasts young and old alike - presenting March 1998!

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Gosh, three out of the six Coolest Cartoon Kids come from Disney's own One Saturday Morning block. What are the odds of that, huh?

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The first time I saw The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie, I didn't even realize it was supposed to be a movie. Nothing against Chuck Jones, but man, he didn't even try to give it a narrative, did he?
Also, there's something weird about seeing the Road Runner with a Walkman.

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I'm guessing Nintendo realized they were running out of ways to put new spins on the Mario story, so they decided to give Yoshi his turn in the spotlight. Since then, we've also had games centered on Luigi, Peach, even Bowser. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Lakitu gets his own game.

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Presenting the least flattering photo of Cindy Crawford ever taken.
That Carmen Sandiego movie with Sandra Bullock apparently never went anywhere. Perhaps for good reason, as it had the potential to be either awesome or terrible. I can only hope they were planning to bring back Rockapella to do the music; you can't have Carmen Sandiego without them.

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"The Spice Girls are one of the biggest success stories in music today! And sure, all these other bands went down the tubes, but I'm sure these girls will last forever!...What?...What do you mean, Geri Halliwell just quit?"

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For some reason, whenever Bobby Hill speaks in DA, everything he says is gold. Doug, on the other hand, I can take or leave. (You know, the weird thing about the Disney version of "Doug" is that the character's personality remained pretty much the same as the Nickelodeon version, yet the episodes were still so much lamer. I think the lack of Billy West behind the mic really hurt.)

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From what I recall, Bart didn't particularly care for the Tooth Chipper when he rode it in 5F08 "Bart Carny", original airdate January 11, 1998. (I am such a nerd.)

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And now for your history lesson! This assemblage of the best cartoon characters ever, as voted on by a team of professional cartoonists (including Bill Hanna, Joe Barbera, Paul Dini, Glen Keane, and Henry Selick) also highlights such classic characters as Fred Flintstone, Mickey Mouse, Popeye, and Rocky and Bullwinkle. The sad part? Ask any kid in 2010 who any of these characters are, and you'll more than likely get a blank stare.

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As a moderately popular DeviantArt cartoonist, I get a lot of people e-mailing me with questions about how they can draw the way I do. And I always tell them the first two things mentioned here, which ironically are the two steps that everybody always hopes to avoid. What do they want to do, trace my drawings?

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Liz Smith takes you behind the scenes of her job this month, as she answers reader questions about what being an entertainment reporter really means. Funny, I never expected Klingons to be the types to use utensils.

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"Okay, guys, we've got to do an article on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', but we've only got one promotional image. What do we do?"

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Yet another in the long line of '90s ads where all adults were depicted as boring and uncool. This might be part of why nobody trusts anybody anymore.

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Boy, dogsled racing is fun! ...I mean, there is the chance that you'll flip your sled, get lost, and freeze to death, but still, PUPPIES!

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Okay, it's 12 years later, where are those shoes that keep track of your speed and distance? (If they do exist, I wouldn't know, as my footwear is decidedly low-tech - last thing I bought was a pair of Chuck Taylors.)

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GAH. I don't think I'll ever be able to eat a taco again.
"Tacos here."
I'll take eight.

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This month's very nicely drawn "Pepper Ann" comic sees Pepper secretly getting hooked on her brother Moose's comic books, and trying to muster up the courage to go into a comic shop in order to buy the next issue. In the present day and age, where there are just as many girl geeks as there are boy geeks, this story would probably feel pretty awkward.

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The Red Dragon::Bone as Samuel L. Jackson::Pulp Fiction.

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"Check out this new Game Boy Pocket! It's blue!"
"That's nice, but I already have a Game Boy Pocket."
"But it's blue!"
"Yeah, but this one works perfectly fi--"
"BLUE!!!"

Peter Paltridge
02-02-2010, 01:45 PM
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This month's very nicely drawn "Pepper Ann" comic sees Pepper secretly getting hooked on her brother Moose's comic books, and trying to muster up the courage to go into a comic shop in order to buy the next issue. In the present day and age, where there are just as many girl geeks as there are boy geeks, this story would probably feel pretty awkward.
Huh? As far as I know nothing has changed.

That was a well-written comic, though, even though I never watched Pepper Ann. Her point of view is believable, though kind of inaccurate. Any girl that enters a comic shop will be embraced with open arms, whether they asked for it or not. Unless they're fat.

Kitschensyngk
02-02-2010, 02:44 PM
I consider the 1997-98 television season to be the year that Saturday morning truly died.

It was around that time that the FCC started mandating educational content for kids on the broadcast networks, and it was the year after Disney revived Doug (the only surviving series on ABC from the year before). This led to the creation of their "One Saturday Morning" block, which despite its promise of "five hours of summer once a week" presented three cartoons about KIDS GOING TO SCHOOL and draped them with even more educational content. Next thing you know EVERY CARTOON that was coming out had to be about kids in school or have something educational/instructional in it.

Nowadays you can't go on broadcast television at that time of the week without seeing the little "E/I" in the corner.

EDIT: I could see Sandra Bullock as Carmen Sandiego back then. Of course the movie could have still sucked royally.

mobo85
02-02-2010, 07:49 PM
As it is an acronym (for pineapple-orange-guava, the type of drink cap the originals were made from), POG should be capitalized- much like ALF (Alien Life Form), who briefly made a comeback in POG form.

Despite all the ridicule he gets for it, I think Batman put it best: "Bees. My god."

North was a highlight of 1994? Roger Ebert's infamous review of it, maybe. But not the film itself.

Kind of bittersweet to see the 50th anniversary of Peanuts in the timeline, especially since they (and no one else at the time, of course) didn't know at the time that Sparky himself wouldn't live to see it, going out along with his strip and leaving a wonderful legacy.

You know who else you can't have Carmen Sandiego without? Lynne Thigpen. May she rest in peace.

There are actually sneakers that keep track of your speed and distance- Nike actually has shoes that connect to your iPod to give you that information.

Lonestarr
02-02-2010, 09:56 PM
This month's very nicely drawn "Pepper Ann" comic sees Pepper secretly getting hooked on her brother Moose's comic books, and trying to muster up the courage to go into a comic shop in order to buy the next issue.

Given Pamela Adlon's voice for the character, I understand the mistake, but trust me: Moose was a girl.

cartoonscartoons
02-03-2010, 12:32 PM
Okay, Jesse.....new policy.

You have a LOT of images here -- this topic has one post so far and with all the images displayed, it already stretched farther than any page on the YouTube topics.

To make these easier to navigate....could you please, in the future, put each image inside a spoiler tag? I've done it for you this time, but next time it's your job.


The spoiler tags make it too difficult to read though.

WaggonerCartoons
02-03-2010, 01:25 PM
3D modeling software.....from Disney....in 2000? I'm really curious -- seriously. How powerful was that? Could you make any scene from Tron or would that slow your Packard Bell down too much? And how was it simplified so that children could make models and have fun doing it? It's a tedious task.


I played the game and trust me it wasn't anything spectacular. All you really could do was make sets and move things around. There was a "make your own Mickey" option, where you could pick between several stock arms and legs and change the size of Mickey's proportions, after which you could view one of five stock animations of Mickey doing something (like playing with a balloon, or dancing). To sum it up it was basically the kids game "Disney magic artist", but "IN 3-D!"

John Pannozzi
02-03-2010, 05:23 PM
I never thought I'd say this, but Michael Eisner is right.

That's not the only time Eisner's instinct was correct. Tad Stones (creator of Darkwing Dark and other shows), made an interesting comment on Eisner Here (http://www.awn.com/articles/profiles/tad-stones-interview-part-2/page/4%2C1):

I tell you that for a reason. When they looked at the Rescue Rangers, it was a team of animals, Gadget was already in it, there was a chameleon, Monterey Jack was in it but he was named something else. The lead character was Kit Colby, a mouse who was an Indiana Jones type of guy, complete with the leather jacket and the fluffy collar. They went, “We love the idea of the show, but your main character doesn't have it.” I said “Is it because they're not familiar, you're just seeing them for the first time?” “No, we got Bubba Duck and this Robo Duck, I understand his personality.” Jeffrey said, “Guys, it's just not a home run yet.”

The meeting went on a little longer and we're saying Duck Tales is a big success, what other Disney characters can we work with? You don't want to do Mickey or Goofy, but there's Pluto and all that. Finally, I said, “There's Chip and Dale.” Eisner said, “Great — put those guys in that show,” and Jeffrey says “home run.” That's why Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers got done. When people pretend Michael has not a creative bone in his body, I'm sorry, I saw plenty of it. I haven't talked to him in 10 years or something, but back then he recognized that's the puzzle piece this thing needed, and then it moved forward like gangbusters.

It changed our development, because now instead of one hero you have this dynamic, which was well established and gave us lots of stories about how they interacted with other characters.



Note that this interview was taken in 2004, meaning Tad last talked to Eisner around 1994, the same year Frank Wells died, Eisner and Katzenberg had a big fight that resulted in Katzenberg leaving Disney and going on to found Dreamworks, and it's generally considered that Eisner's administration at Disney really jumped the shark around this time.





...Tough to segue into something nice about the late Roy Disney after that tasteless joke. Well, the guy was awesome anyway.


My only real regret is that I never got to ask Roy what the heck was up was with Cartoon All-stars to the Rescue (Roy was the executive producer on that special).





Oh, and who's Eggbert? I guess they meant Egghead.
I think Eggbert is Miss Prissy's son/nephew Egghead Junior.





The first time I saw The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie, I didn't even realize it was supposed to be a movie. Nothing against Chuck Jones, but man, he didn't even try to give it a narrative, did he?
Also, there's something weird about seeing the Road Runner with a Walkman.
Still, that film is perhaps the best to introduce someone to the classic Warner cartoons. Maybe I'll show to my future children someday...



I'm guessing Nintendo realized they were running out of ways to put new spins on the Mario story, so they decided to give Yoshi his turn in the spotlight. Since then, we've also had games centered on Luigi, Peach, even Bowser. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Lakitu gets his own game.
There were Yoshi-centric games years before that one (heck, there was a game entitled "Yoshi" that came out only one after Yoshi's debut game Super Mario World came out.) Let's not forget all the Wario games. Even Diddy Kong has some games of his own (and that in turn introduce Banjo and Conker who got their own games and are perhaps the only characters/franchises introduced on a Nintendo system who are now owned by a rival company, namely Microsoft.)





And now for your history lesson! This assemblage of the best cartoon characters ever, as voted on by a team of professional cartoonists (including Bill Hanna, Joe Barbera, Paul Dini, Glen Keane, and Henry Selick) also highlights such classic characters as Fred Flintstone, Mickey Mouse, Popeye, and Rocky and Bullwinkle. The sad part? Ask any kid in 2010 who any of these characters are, and you'll more than likely get a blank stare.

Really? What did they specifically say?






"Okay, guys, we've got to do an article on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', but we've only got one promotional image. What do we do?"
Since Alyson Hannigan mentioned Toy Story, I guess it's worth noting that Buffy creator Joss Whedon contributed to the script for Toy Story. I read in the book "The Pixar Touch" (a great book, BTW) that he conceived of a heroic Barbie helping Woody and Buzz.

TenPoundHammer
02-04-2010, 05:41 PM
Jesse: Major brownie points for the DreamWorks joke. (Also, bumblebee flight violating physics = not true, and peanuts = legumes. But I think you knew that.)


They mention Gordy instead of Babe. Oh, Disney Adventures.... *shakes head*

I actually got to Gordy first, somehow. Maybe it was because my mom and I are big country music fans, and Doug Stone starred in it. (Also, I knew Gordy was a Disney movie.)


The Red Dragon::Bone as Samuel L. Jackson::Pulp Fiction.

Explain, please. But after I've scooped up all the other Bone books at Barnes & Noble.

Kitschensyngk
02-05-2010, 02:07 AM
Err...what's Gordy? :confused:

EDIT: Never mind. Babe knockoff. Got it.

J. B. Warner
02-07-2010, 12:31 PM
Explain, please. But after I've scooped up all the other Bone books at Barnes & Noble.

Pretty simple; they're both badasses who you don't mess with. Nothing spoiler-y about that.

Anyway, it's frickin' freezing outside where I am right now, so why not revel in the cold with Winter 2002?

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Oh, remember that girl from the June/July 2003 issue who didn't know the difference between Nick Carter and Aaron Carter? This is just going to mess her up even more.

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Pixar makes great movies, everybody knows that. But Disney Interactive really can't keep up with that level of quality. In general, I find video games that tie into a recently-released movie always tend to suck waste water. There needs to be a pretty wide buffer zone between the movie and the game. Just look at Ghostbusters for the Xbox 360.

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The half-assed spirit of Ralph Bakshi's "Mighty Heroes" lives on...for one season, anyway. Captain Crandall, Rope Girl, Skate Lad...I got news for you, Kim Possible could kick all of your asses.

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Ready to go on "a mllllon adventures"?
Hey, remember when Fox Kids used to be cool? I know, it was a long time ago.

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If anything could make Britney Spears in the '00s look attractive, it's a pair of glasses and a newsboy hat. God help me, I love the geeky look.

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"Zim's creator, Jhonen Vasquez, is a comic book artist whose work includes...uh, nope, can't mention that one in a kids' magazine...hmm, no, not that one either...ah...okay, you know what, forget we said anything."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_07.jpg
Sad thing is, I know some idiot kids who'd probably end up doing this while trying to play video games and eat at the same time.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_08.jpg
It's February 2002, and everyone's got Winter Olympics fever!...Meanwhile, in February 2010, nobody gives a rat's ass. I guess nothing can hoist NBC out of the toilet at this point.
Wow, they mentioned Michelle Kwan as one of the athletes to watch in the March 1994 issue, and here she is again eight years later. You go, girl. And I have to admit, when I was a kid, Picabo Street's name was one of the funniest things I'd ever heard. It sounded like a public access children's show.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_09.jpg
It'll be a sad day in Mudville when Frankie Muniz decides he wants to be called Frank.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_10.jpg
"I'd like to be his age, and his height!...Oh, and I'd also like to have his financial advisor. Something tells me that'll come in handy."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_11.jpg
"Also, Ashley is the one who eats. I'd like to be more like that."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_12.jpg
I gotta say, the Hanson brothers gained a lot more dignity once they got haircuts.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_13.jpg
Surely, I couldn't be the only one who took their first look at Pikmin and thought it was a shameless ripoff of Pokémon. And then I saw them being eaten by that giant slug thing and though "Whoa, okay, maybe this is different after all..."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_14.jpg
That's not Tony the Tiger, that's actually Calvin and Hobbes on the toboggan. They finally found the ultimate hill.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_15.jpg
If laughing at this is a crime, then I plead guilty.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_16.jpg
This, on the other hand, couldn't be less funny if it tried. DA did a lot of bad Monsters, Inc. comics around this time, and they usually focused on Mike. I'm guessing someone thought he was hilarious just because he had one eye. Kinda like how they thought Rufus was hilarious just because he's a naked mole rat. Philistines.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_17.jpg
This is my favorite part of this issue. A good six months before the movie was even set to premiere, DA launched a series of Lilo and Stitch comics that acted as a prequel of sorts. Naturally, there are some odd discrepancies - Jumba hasn't met Pleakley yet, of course, so his sidekick here is Experiment 625, Stitch's immediate precursor. Frankly, I think Pleakley is funnier.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_18.jpg
The Stitch comic is printed on the right side of the magazine; the Lilo comic is printed on the left side, upside down, so it still reads left to right. In this one, Lilo's friends don't believe the ancient Hawaiian fable of the menehune, so she shows 'em a thing or two. This feels like something right out of the movie, and even though neither Chris Sanders or Dean Deblois appear in this comic's credits, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them had some kind of input on it.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_19.jpg
Okay, seriously, how? How do sequels to terrible kids' movies keep getting made? I can't imagine anything worse than Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, but this probably comes reeeeal close.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_20.jpg
Another issue, another crappy Super Music Action Ready Team comic. This time, Aaron Carter is a superspy or something trying to stop robots from stealing the voices of the world's biggest pop stars. What the hell, if anything, I think they're doing the world a favor.
Okay, DA, you get a few brownie points for the 2001: A Space Odyssey reference. Never let it be said that I'm not generous.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/010202_21.jpg
It's hard to remember a time before High School Musical when the Disney Channel was throwing every original movie concept they could think of at the wall in the hopes that one of them would stick. I think my personal favorite was Up, Up, and Away, about a family of superheroes who lose their powers when exposed to aluminum foil. Sherman Helmsley played a hero named the Steel Condor. It wasn't exactly The Incredibles.
Also, whoa, was Kirsten Storms always that chubby? She seriously gives Batman and Robin-era Alicia Silverstone a run for her money.

Kitschensyngk
02-07-2010, 02:56 PM
I actually saw Zenon: The Zequel. And BOY did it suck.

Giggly teenage girls in space and a plot which made little if any sense.

Peter Paltridge
02-07-2010, 04:05 PM
You weren't trying to put down Michelle Kwan, were you? I couldn't believe how many times she got upstaged at the last round by some little girl half her size whom nobody cared about up to that point. It's not her fault. Kwan was always awesome, even if her medals were never the best color.

This is true: "Teamo Supremo" was Disney's attempt to repeat the success of Powerpuff Girls. Yeah, you can really see the same appeal there.

The Lilo comic where she tells a bunch of tourists a tsunami is coming was a deleted scene from the movie. I don't know if THIS comic is.

Ralph Bakshi didn't invent the Mighty Heroes; they were actual Terrytoons. Just really obscure ones.

I don't think Galidor was cool. It was kind of like Mega Man in that the kid could attach the weapons of enemies he'd defeated to his arm, but the show called that action "glinching." Seriously, "glinching"?

John Pannozzi
02-07-2010, 05:48 PM
Ralph Bakshi didn't invent the Mighty Heroes; they were actual Terrytoons. Just really obscure ones.
Actually, Ralph DID create the Mighty Heroes- he created them on the stop during a meeting with CBS bigshot Larry Silverman (Ralph had an infant son at the time- that's where Diaperman comes from).




Pixar makes great movies, everybody knows that. But Disney Interactive really can't keep up with that level of quality. In general, I find video games that tie into a recently-released movie always tend to suck waste water. There needs to be a pretty wide buffer zone between the movie and the game. Just look at Ghostbusters for the Xbox 360.

Eh, I thought the Playstation One Monsters, Inc. was OK. And the Spider-Man 2 game that came out the same year as the film is widely conisdered a classic (the home console version, that is).



The half-assed spirit of Ralph Bakshi's "Mighty Heroes" lives on...for one season, anyway. Captain Crandall, Rope Girl, Skate Lad...I got news for you, Kim Possible could kick all of your asses.

Not a big fan of Teamo Supremo, but I thought was halfway-decent at the time. And I know some people who LOVE it, so it must've been doing something right.




If anything could make Britney Spears in the '00s look attractive, it's a pair of glasses and a newsboy hat. God help me, I love the geeky look.

I know what you mean :)



It'll be a sad day in Mudville when Frankie Muniz decides he wants to be called Frank.

I remember seeing Big Fat Liar, mostly because I feel really depressed soon after (and not because of the movie, but rather several different things that I shant mention here.)





Surely, I couldn't be the only one who took their first look at Pikmin and thought it was a shameless ripoff of Pokémon. And then I saw them being eaten by that giant slug thing and though "Whoa, okay, maybe this is different after all..."
Of course not. Pikmin was arguably the opus of Mario mastermind Shigeru Miyamoto. I got a little booklet about the game and Miyamoto-san from Nintendo Power that said so.





This, on the other hand, couldn't be less funny if it tried. DA did a lot of bad Monsters, Inc. comics around this time, and they usually focused on Mike. I'm guessing someone thought he was hilarious just because he had one eye. Kinda like how they thought Rufus was hilarious just because he's a naked mole rat. Philistines.

Just out of curiousity, who wrote, pencilled and inked that? It looks kinda familiar.



This is my favorite part of this issue. A good six months before the movie was even set to premiere, DA launched a series of Lilo and Stitch comics that acted as a prequel of sorts. Naturally, there are some odd discrepancies - Jumba hasn't met Pleakley yet, of course, so his sidekick here is Experiment 625, Stitch's immediate precursor. Frankly, I think Pleakley is funnier.

The Stitch comic is printed on the right side of the magazine; the Lilo comic is printed on the left side, upside down, so it still reads left to right. In this one, Lilo's friends don't believe the ancient Hawaiian fable of the menehune, so she shows 'em a thing or two. This feels like something right out of the movie, and even though neither Chris Sanders or Dean Deblois appear in this comic's credits, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them had some kind of input on it.

There was a trade paperback collection of those Lilo & Stitch stories published under the "Comix Zone" Brand, and I have it.

Lonestarr
02-08-2010, 11:07 AM
I remember seeing Big Fat Liar, mostly because I feel really depressed soon after (and not because of the movie, but rather several different things that I shant mention here.)

Interesting corollary: I was depressed before I saw Big Fat Liar. (I had just got out of 40 Days and 40 Nights and I desperately needed something - anything - to restore my faith in humanity. It fit the bill pretty well.)

Sorry about your misfortune, whatever it may have been.

WaggonerCartoons
02-08-2010, 07:51 PM
I agree with you on the Monster's Inc. comics, but I do remember one that was kinda humorous which involved a flashback to where Mike was a kid and a bunch of bullies were trying to steal his lunch.

Interesting to see the "Adventures" version of 625, very different from what they did in the Lilo and Stitch TV series. While the "Adventures" version is a bit more serious, the TV version is a complete comic relief who loves to make sandwiches and is Gantu's sidekick. I also notice they mention 627 in the comic, in the TV series they did an episode where Jumba actually made a 627 and a movie where Hämsterviel made a 628, but that's another story.

TenPoundHammer
02-09-2010, 05:52 PM
Invader Zim in DA.

I think my head just exploded.

J. B. Warner
02-11-2010, 03:11 PM
Snowed in this week? Nothing to do except re-play all your old video games? Then you need November 1999!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_01.jpg
Kind of ironic that Spyro, the most prominent character on the cover, has now become the least iconic character of the bunch. Such is the fickle world of video game stars.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_02.jpg
With naught but the lift of an eyebrow, Woody and Buzz have inadvertently corrupted the advertising divisions of the entire CGI animation field.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_03.jpg
I thought it was kind of unfair that games like Mario Golf looked so bright and vivid on the Game Boy Color, and yet Pokémon Gold and Silver only seemed to operate in dull shades of pink, green, and blue. One more reason why I'm looking forward to the remakes.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_04.jpg
I would imagine if I lived in McWorld, I'd get sick of it in a hurry. But that's probably because I'm not 12 years old anymore.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_05.jpg
There's six pages of advertisements for Legoland in this issue, as well as cross-promotion for a PC game based on the park. I always thought the whole concept of Legoland was kind of risky - just think, one kid pulls one brick from the bottom of a support beam, and an entire rollercoaster could come crashing down! "Oh, the creativity!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_06.jpg
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
I'm a big Pokémon fan, and I'll even stick up for the anime in a lot of cases, but even I can't deny that this movie sucked. Yes, when I was a kid I thought it was the best thing ever, but when I rewatched it recently for a Do-It-Yourself Recap at The Agony Booth (http://agonybooth.com/forum.aspx?g=posts&t=3350), I finally realized why so many adults in the late '90s hated Pokémon and all it stood for.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_07.jpg
I went to a Halloween party once when I was in elementary school where they actually did that "put your hand in gross stuff" thing in the basement. Only I knew it was just Jell-O and spaghetti and stuff, 'cause they didn't blindfold us, they just put covers over the bowls and had us reach under them, and my hand came out with little stray bits of food on it. Most boring Halloween ever.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_08.jpg
Okay, DA, there's a fine line between pranksterhood and being just plain disgusting. Leave this sort of thing to Nickelodeon Magazine, 'kay?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_09.jpg
Given that Furbies already came in like a zillion different color combos, what could possibly be left? Also, what kid still had a Furby in late 1999? I thought for sure they'd all be stuffed in the attic alongside 1997's Tamagotchis and 1996's Beanie Babies.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_10.jpg
Sonic is 15? Amy is 12? Tails is only eight? Eugh, all of a sudden, the DeviantArt drawings just got a million times more disturbing.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_11.jpg
I believe this was the first time I'd ever seen "Digimon". And of course, the first thing I thought was "Oh jeez, 'Pokémon' ripoff! Is that orange thing with the bat wings supposed to be Pikachu? Give me a break!" I know quite a few Pokémon fans today who had the same initial reaction, yet the difference is that I grew out of it and they didn't.
The guy who sent me my Mac included digital copies of a bunch of TV shows he thought I might like. "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" is among them. Any word on whether or not this was any good?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_12.jpg
Is that the Old Man of the Mountain that they're standing on there? Either that's a huge kid and Pikachu, or someone at Nintendo just didn't think anyone would notice.
(The Old Man of the Mountain, for those who aren't New Englanders, was just what it sounds like - a mountain that looked like an old man in profile. It's on the New Hampshire state quarter. Don't go trying to visit it now, though, it finally avalanched a few years back. I guess the old man sneezed or something.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_13.jpg
I don't know what confuses me more - the concept of a kid playing a Game Boy inside Gozilla's stomach, or the fact that a video game based on Babe actually exists.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_14.jpg
The "vampires vs. werewolves" debate rages on to this day. Only now, it's called "Team Edward vs. Team Jacob" and it's about a trillion times more idiotic.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_15.jpg
"Angela Anaconda" might just be the ugliest cartoon ever aired on television. All I know about it is that it started as a segment on "Kablam", which makes me think that it was going to be a Nicktoon but Nickelodeon passed on it. You know you've got a bad cartoon on your hands when the only network that'll have you is the Fox Family Channel.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_16.jpg
What's the point of a talking Darth Maul toy? He only had like two lines.
I will say this, though - you can go on and on about how terrible Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was (and justifiably so), but when you're a kid, you really don't care about stuff like plot and character and whether or not Jar Jar Binks is a racist stereotype. When Darth Maul turns on his two-sided lightsaber, that's like the awesomest thing in the history of awesome when you're 12.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_17.jpg
Rayman was a pretty big star in the video game world way back when. Until he starred in "Raving Rabbids" and suddenly his popularity was eclipsed by a bunch of stubby-armed, mentally-challenged rodents. "DAAAAAHHHH!"
Thanks to those art history classes I took in college, I can now identify all the sources they used for this ad. Does anyone else think the "Birth of Venus" one is kind of risqué?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_18.jpg
The Comic Zone presents a few notable firsts this month. For one thing, this is the first appearance of Bernerd and Squatty. Prior to this, the first page of the Comic Zone was occupied by a trio of monkeys named Sketch, Scratch, and Skuddles. But when it comes to funny animals, monkeys are so last millennium; hamsters are where it's at now.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_19.jpg
This issue also features the debut appearance of the Society of Horrors, which duked it out with Little Gloomy for several years in an effort to gain superiority as DA's resident Halloween-themed comic series. Gloomy ultimately won that battle. Rest in peace, Headless Headsman, Toxic Fishboy, and Space Freak. We hardly knew ye, but we did know you weren't very funny.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_20.jpg
"ZZZZOOOO, MOTHER****ER, ZZZZOOOO!"
And it wouldn't be 1999 without another one of these craptastic Super Music Action Ready Team comics. I still find it ironic that the organization's name spells out the acronym S.M.A.R.T. and yet they have Britney Spears working for them. "Darn tootin'!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_21.jpg
Sort of a bizarre mutation of the virtual pet phenomenon were these things called C-Watches, that put little digitized cartoon characters on your wrist for you to play with. These Pokémon ones were just one variety of many. And you know, I'm not even sure if they even told time.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1199_22.jpg
Wow, Mars was right - every video game franchise had to have a racing game at some point. I don't think any Final Fantasy fans are arguing in favor of this one being the best of the series, now, are they?

Peter Paltridge
02-11-2010, 04:03 PM
Sonic is 15? Amy is 12? Tails is only eight? Eugh, all of a sudden, the DeviantArt drawings just got a million times more disturbing.

"Angela Anaconda" might just be the ugliest cartoon ever aired on television. All I know about it is that it started as a segment on "Kablam", which makes me think that it was going to be a Nicktoon but Nickelodeon passed on it. You know you've got a bad cartoon on your hands when the only network that'll have you is the Fox Family Channel.

Wow, Mars was right - every video game franchise had to have a racing game at some point. I don't think any Final Fantasy fans are arguing in favor of this one being the best of the series, now, are they?
I don't know where DA was getting its information as far as the ages of the Sonic characters go. Can anything on the Internet back this up? I do know Tails is just a kid. Haven't you ever heard his voice?

I remember seeing the "Anaconda" short on KaBlam! and thinking "Angela Anaconda" was such a neat name that I had to use it for a character myself. And I almost did, because who was going to remember THIS character anyway....but then she suddenly got her own show and I had to trash my Anaconda at the last minute. She would have been a shrill little girl who went on and on about strange things, and she probably wouldn't have lasted a year.

Good thing I didn't use the name. I've never seen such hatred directed at a show like I saw at "Angela Anaconda." No one liked it. NO ONE.

Stuff like "Chocobo Racing" isn't part of the FF series. Square has made a few "Chocobo" games and they usually get ignored.

Zorak Masaki
02-11-2010, 04:20 PM
Why is Britney dressed like Penelope Pitstop? Was this supposed to be some sort of wacky races parody or was it just coincidence?

Kitschensyngk
02-11-2010, 05:43 PM
I remember watching the KaBlam! Anaconda shorts. I never saw much of the actual show, but looking back I'm not sure that what was in those shorts could have held up a whole series.

I look at that ad and I can't help but notice...Angela looks like a boy wearing a wig.
I wonder if the people who were in those Sleepaway Camp movies had kids who watched this show...*raises eyebrow*


Why is Britney dressed like Penelope Pitstop? Was this supposed to be some sort of wacky races parody or was it just coincidence?

*imagines the members of N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys as the Ant Hill Mob*
EUUUGHH! STOP MAKING ME THINK THINGS!!

Funky Al
02-11-2010, 08:34 PM
It's kinda funny you should mention both Amanda Anaconda and Digimon in the same article, because the absolute ONLY thing I know about Amanda was that she appeared in a short before the Digimon movie.
It was something about...standing in line to see the Digimon movie...or something.
I'm more disturbed about Big the cat being 18. I always thought he was in his forties, at the least.
I love the incredible effort they took in making the
Pokemon poster. At that point, it's probably the most popular thing on earth, and the best they can do is take old artwork and slap it together? Give me a break.

mobo85
02-11-2010, 10:58 PM
Angela Anaconda was a Canadian series- or at least funded in Canada, as were many of the shows the Fox Family Channel aired. The creator of the series, Sue Rose, apparently had a thing for TV shows with tomboyish girls with overactive imaginations as the protagonists, as she also created Unfabulous (starring Emma "Niece of Julia" Roberts) and Pepper Ann (which is probably tied with DuckTales for Disney Animated TV Theme Song Hardest To Get Out of Your Head).

Is it just me, or does Dali Rayman look like Bullwinkle?

Of course, the silliest thing about Pokémon: The First Movie is its mixed message. "Remember kids, fighting is wrong! Now keep on enjoying your favorite fighting monsters in all their fighting fight action! Buy all our playsets and toys!"

John Pannozzi
02-11-2010, 11:18 PM
I thought it was kind of unfair that games like Mario Golf looked so bright and vivid on the Game Boy Color, and yet Pokémon Gold and Silver only seemed to operate in dull shades of pink, green, and blue. Probably a stylistic choice.





Be afraid. Be very afraid.
I'm a big Pokémon fan, and I'll even stick up for the anime in a lot of cases, but even I can't deny that this movie sucked. Yes, when I was a kid I thought it was the best thing ever, but when I rewatched it recently for a Do-It-Yourself Recap at The Agony Booth (http://agonybooth.com/forum.aspx?g=posts&t=3350), I finally realized why so many adults in the late '90s hated Pokémon and all it stood for.

Do you think the original Japanese version sucked? Funny to think that 4Kids' dub for the first few seasons of Pokemon were generally considered respectable at the time.





The guy who sent me my Mac included digital copies of a bunch of TV shows he thought I might like. "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" is among them. Any word on whether or not this was any good?
Bug Guy and Rusty is based on a Dark Horse Comic co-created by Frank Miller, which I guess makes it notable enough to at least check out.




What's the point of a talking Darth Maul toy? He only had like two lines.
I will say this, though - you can go on and on about how terrible Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace was (and justifiably so), but when you're a kid, you really don't care about stuff like plot and character and whether or not Jar Jar Binks is a racist stereotype. When Darth Maul turns on his two-sided lightsaber, that's like the awesomest thing in the history of awesome when you're 12.

I say, if Jar Jar Binks is racist, then so is Sebastian the Crab from the Little Mermain (both characters voiced by Black actors)



Rayman was a pretty big star in the video game world way back when. Until he starred in "Raving Rabbids" and suddenly his popularity was eclipsed by a bunch of stubby-armed, mentally-challenged rodents. "DAAAAAHHHH!"
And those damn Rabbids were even in TMNT: Smash-Up instead of Ninja Turtles mainstays like Leatherhead and the freakin' Rat King!



I don't know where DA was getting its information as far as the ages of the Sonic characters go. Can anything on the Internet back this up? I do know Tails is just a kid. Haven't you ever heard his voice?

from this FAQ (http://www.andrews.edu/~drazen/sonfaqs.htm):


There is some confusion on this point. According to the TV series ["Blast to the Past: part 1"] Sonic and Sally were both 5 years old when Sally's father was overthrown and Robotnik took over. Two other age clues were given in the "Drood Henge" episode: that Tails was 10 years old at the time of the episode, and that Sally was 16 years old and wouldn't "come of age" [i.e., turn 18] for another two years. The comics, however, have put Sonic at age 15 and Tails at age 8, based on material from the Sega games.

Based on the fact that Robotnik took over in the Mobian year 3224 (as established in "Blast To The Past", Part 1), and that events in the comic and the TV series take place in the year 3235 (see "Taking The Fall," Endgame: Part 1, Sonic #47), we subtract 5 (Sonic and Sally's age at the time of the coup) from 16 (their present age, according to the TV series), leaving the number of years Robotnik has been in charge: 11. Thus, it would appear that 10-year-old Tails was born after the fall of the House of Acorn. I will mention only in passing that according to an episode of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog", Tails' age is given as "four-and-a-half years old." To take this seriously, however, would only compound confusion.

Granted, SatAM, the Archie comics and the games are all separate continuities with different rules, so it can get pretty confusing.

After digging around South Island Stories (http://www.smile.talktalk.net/sj_index/sis/sis_contents/select_a_zone/index.htm), here are the official ages for the characters from the game manuals:

Sonic and Knuckles: 15 (bumped up to 16 at times, SEGA Technical Institute's characters profile said Sonic was around 18)
Tails: 8 (SEGA Technical Institute said he was 10)
Amy: 8 (changed to 12 starting with Sonic Adventure)
Espio: 17 in Chaotix, 16 in Sonic Heroes
Mighty: 16
Vector: 16 in Chaotix, 20 in Sonic Heroes
Charmy: 6 (earlier Western-only material said 16)
Cream: 6
Rouge: 18
Big: 18
Jet the Hawk: 14
Storm the Albatross: 19
Wave the Swallow: 18
Blaze: 14
Silver: 14





Good thing I didn't use the name. I've never seen such hatred directed at a show like I saw at "Angela Anaconda." No one liked it. NO ONE.

I liked it.

Kitschensyngk
02-11-2010, 11:53 PM
Of course, the silliest thing about Pokémon: The First Movie is its mixed message. "Remember kids, fighting is wrong! Now keep on enjoying your favorite fighting monsters in all their fighting fight action! Buy all our playsets and toys!"I recall how the Nostalgia Critic pointed out the irony in that moral and how they repeated it over and over.

J. B. Warner
02-12-2010, 11:26 AM
I don't know what it is about the issues from late 1994 that cause me to get so nostalgic. I guess it's because that's when my subscription began, so I was secure in the knowledge that DA would be flowing steadily to my house for years to come. (And then my November 1994 issue got lost in the mail. But I digress.) Anyway, here's an issue I couldn't stop talking about - October 1994!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_01.jpg
Donald, if I were you, I'd move a little faster.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_02.jpg
And speaking of the classic Disney gang, here's Mickey and Minnie in their very own video game. I think the real mystery here is what happened to Minnie's left leg.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_03.jpg
The written interview with Macaulay Culkin from the December 1993 issue spawned a lot of controversy among the readers. Some kids thought his handwriting was deplorable and that his answers should have been more in-depth; others felt he deserved a break and shouldn't be penalized for not having perfect penmanship. Personally, I'm of the opinion that Mac had every right to put down chicken scratch and give answers like "None" or "I don't know" - he obviously hated his life at that point. Cut him some slack.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_04.jpg
If I didn't know any better, I'd swear Sir Chomps-A-Lot was paying homage to Terminator 2 there in the second and third panels. Also, how come ol' Chompsy looks so much different in the comic than he does on the left there? Look at him, he's like the reptilian George Arliss.

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Chelsea Clinton is out! Well, California is a red state, after all.
They really don't expect kids to use this old rhyming slang from the 1950s, do they? I can guarantee that if I'd said "fuddy-duddy" on the playground, I would have been going home in a sling that day.

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For a long time, scientists were always trying to figure out what makes people stupid. And really, I don't think any one thing makes you stupid; it all depends on whether or not you want to learn things in the first place. Listening to rap music or playing video games is not going to magically lower your IQ fifty points. (If only our parents had figured this out.)

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Uh, Al, the elf shoes aren't working for ya.

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If you were a kid in the '90s, you read at least one R.L. Stine book. Heck, if you were a kid in the late '80s and entered early teenhood in the '90s, odds are good you read a couple of his Fear Street books (which have been completely forgotten now that Goosebumps is big juju again). But one thing I noticed about all of Stine's interviews with the press - they kept asking him the same questions over and over again. Eventually, he wrote an autobiography that had all this stuff in it; how he started writing horror, what his favorite scary book is, etc. If I got to interview him, I'd ask him what the deal is with the wart on his head.

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Why even mention "Beverly Hills 90210" in a kids' magazine if it's this hard to keep track of the plot?
Also, behold the last new "Tiny Toons" episode ever. Folks, it's been 16 years, it's not coming back, deal with it.

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It's October, and that means it's fall preview time. "Party of Five"? That'll never catch on! Come on, let's go watch "Daddy's Girls"!

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"I had a Neil Simon game. It was just a lot of angry people yelling..."
"'What's so wrong?' 'You don't love me, do you?' 'I'm walkin' out of this house!'"

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From the "What the hell happened to them" file, here's an interview with Tia and Tamera Mowry. By the way, there are those floppy flower hats again. On a personal note, I gave my character Ashleigh from "Forever 16" one of those hats as part of her outfit. This was back when "Forever 16" was set in the 1990s; now that I extended it into the 2000s and the 2010s, it looks a little awkward (http://jbwarner86.deviantart.com/art/Forever-16-B20-132584627).

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For some reason, I really wanted 13 Dead End Drive when I was a kid. But then I guess I realized it's basically just a less engaging version of Clue.

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Man, between "Gargoyles", "The Tick", and "Reboot", 1994-95 was a pretty awesome season for cartoons, wasn't it? Just, uh, pay no attention to that "Free Willy" show. (I never saw it, but let me guess - the whale talked, didn't it?)

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George Barris is one of the coolest guys in Hollywood you've never heard of. I really hope he's still alive, 'cause he makes like the awesomest movie cars ever.

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Oh boy, looks like the Smithsonian guys got drunk and put the bones together all wrong again.

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So, this cereal tastes like...what? Sorry, I just can't remember...

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This month's Big Adventure takes a couple of American kids to the Serengeti National Reserve in Tanzania, Africa. I'm sure after The Lion King, a lot of folks probably forgot that people actually live in Africa too. See? Foreign culture is cool.

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I got nothing to say here, I just really like this photo.

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Bill Nye is like the coolest scientist ever, and "Bill Nye the Science Guy" was one of those shows where you didn't even realize you were learning stuff; you were too busy being entertained by this crazy guy. If they ever put this show on DVD, I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

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Yeah, people go on about the 1975 World Series as one of the best, but for us in the Red Sox Nation, that's not entirely accurate. Cinci tied the game in the seventh inning of Game 7, then Jim Burton blew it against Joe Morgan in the ninth and the Reds won 4 to 3. Fortunately, Burton never quite gained the level of notoriety in Beantown that Bill Buckner did. (That guy can't even take a whiz without getting kicked in the shins.)

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I'm sure I lost a lot of people with all the sports talk, so let's get back to some comics. Part 3 of the Chaos God anthology appears in this issue, and it brings the action to the world of "Goof Troop", wherein Solego's crystal gets lodged in the engine of Pete's new car. Good luck explaining that one to your insurance agent.

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You know what, this is really creepy. It's scenes like this that make the Chaos God story the most awesome thing DA ever did.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_24.jpg
Also, we have part 2 of "The Realm of Magic", the poorly-drawn "Aladdin" story from September 1994. Thrill as Genie...um, talks to himself!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_25.jpg
What, you couldn't wait six years? (Well, I guess by then, nobody would be using the SNES anymore and you'd have to reprogram it for the N64, so yeah, you made the right call.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1094_26.jpg
So if it's "awesome snack food", would that make it awesomesauce?
By the way, I don't care what anyone else thinks, Gary Baseman's art is cool.

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Something tells me these uniforms aren't NFL regulation. Also, what's with Junior Seau? Is he supposed to be Pyramidhead or something?

WaggonerCartoons
02-12-2010, 04:12 PM
Yep it was the last Tiny Toons episode, and boy it didn't disappoint. One thing I notice is that it sort of gave a sign of what was to come in the future. One scene had Brain in a cage and Elmyra says to him "I'll play with you later", they might not have knew it at the time but she would play with him in Pinky, Elmyra, and the Brain. It also gave a big "this is the end" hint in the closing song where the Toons sing "We're Tiny, we're toony, We're all a little Looney, It's Tiny Toon Adventures and that's all we've got!".

They have released a couple episodes of Bill Nye on DVD, although these we're just made for teachers so they could show the episodes in class.

mobo85
02-12-2010, 04:26 PM
Bill Nye is probably one of the most awesome scientists alive today. Him and Stephen Hawking. Apparently, he still does some work for the Mouse alongside his other projects- I was surprised when I was rummaging around iTunes and saw a math-based series starring him- I think it was called "Disney's Solve for X" or something like that.

Apparently, Mr. Bumpy's pal Squishington (who gets center stage on the cartoon page) was originally supposed to be brown, but the censors wouldn't allow it so he was made blue instead. You see, because he lives inside of a toilet. (Speaking of talking animals, I wonder if Beethoven talked, too?)

I seem to recall that "Mickey and Minnie in The Great Circus Mystery" was an enjoyable game, but nowhere near as good as its predecessor, "Disney's Magical Quest Starring Mickey Mouse." In the late 1980s and early 1990s, Capcom put out a slew of Disney-branded games for the NES and SNES that were the ultimate exception to the rule that all licensed games are horrible. The fact that there are online videos of people making up witty lyrics for the moon theme from "DuckTales" is a testament to that.

"I was so enjoying a bowl of Sir-Chomps-A-Lot Beef Ravioli..." "...a trip to Hollywood to see the taping of the Blossom TV show!" I love the fact that these characters speak in apparently mandatory legalese that no actual person would use. (In a similar vein, I've always thought it would be funny if some sort of character requested a certain brand of bandage whose trademarked name is often used incorrectly as a generic by using as much legalese as possible, but I just realized that the gag "Invader ZIM" did in one episode by having an "overdubbed" voice saying "ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS" in place of the trademark no matter who is saying it is far funnier.)

Macaulay Culkin. Hmm. Makes me wonder if there's any person like that today that one wonders will end up in obscurity like he did- a young star with the initials M.C. who unexpectedly shot to fame with a single role and continuing with that fame long after most of general society had gotten over them? Nope. Can't think of anyone.


They have released a couple episodes of Bill Nye on DVD, although these we're just made for teachers so they could show the episodes in class.

This is true. I think there were also a few commercial VHS videotapes made alongside the educational-use VHSes put out by Disney's Educational Media division. (Useless fact: Disney's original home-video and educational media unit had perhaps one of the most unruly names for a company division in history: Walt Disney Telecommunications and Non-Theatrical Sales Company.)

Peter Paltridge
02-12-2010, 05:48 PM
Keep the hat on Ashleigh; I honestly didn't notice it was dated. Not many people are that anal about hats.


Also, behold the last new "Tiny Toons" episode ever. Folks, it's been 16 years, it's not coming back, deal with it.
Notice how it's mentioned in the October 1994 issue. I looked for it in the listings and found nothing. Months later, they quietly aired it on one night in March and I missed it. Had to wait over ten years for a tape trade.

And the March airing had the opener (a Jack Skellington spoof) cut out because it said it was Halloween (when this was intended to air). The only way to see it all is to get the VHS release. Or go on YouTube for that specific scene.


Bill Nye is like the coolest scientist ever, and "Bill Nye the Science Guy" was one of those shows where you didn't even realize you were learning stuff; you were too busy being entertained by this crazy guy. If they ever put this show on DVD, I'd buy it in a heartbeat.
As for me, I wish they'd put Square One (or even 3-2-1 Contact) on DVD, but woe to those who fondly remember PBS programs, for they shall get nothing. The episode count is way too high on all their shows to release a complete set, and in addition they just don't care.

mobo85
02-12-2010, 10:36 PM
And the March airing had the opener (a Jack Skellington spoof) cut out because it said it was Halloween (when this was intended to air).

Another holiday special aired in the wrong time period? I guess now some studio has to make a St. Patrick's Day special and air it during the Fourth of July or something to even everything out.

Blipsy
02-13-2010, 01:10 AM
Apparently, Mr. Bumpy's pal Squishington (who gets center stage on the cartoon page) was originally supposed to be brown, but the censors wouldn't allow it so he was made blue instead. You see, because he lives inside of a toilet. (Speaking of talking animals, I wonder if Beethoven talked, too?)

Yep, Beethoven talked, along with a bunch of other dogs. I have a VHS tape that has a few episodes on it, which I got at the bargain bin at Wal-Mart in the late 90s. You can also find a few episodes on Youtube.

John Pannozzi
02-13-2010, 05:44 PM
I seem to recall that "Mickey and Minnie in The Great Circus Mystery" was an enjoyable game, but nowhere near as good as its predecessor, "Disney's Magical Quest Starring Mickey Mouse." In the late 1980s and early 1990s, Capcom put out a slew of Disney-branded games for the NES and SNES that were the ultimate exception to the rule that all licensed games are horrible. The fact that there are online videos of people making up witty lyrics for the moon theme from "DuckTales" is a testament to that.


The Happy Video Game Nerd's review of the Capcom/Disney games is further proof.
There was also a third in the Magical Quest series (featuring Mickey and Donald) but it was only available in Japan until a Game Boy Advance port was released stateside.

I say we try to convince Disney into releasing a trade paperback collection of the entire Chaos God Saga.

DarthGonzo
02-13-2010, 11:56 PM
I say we try to convince Disney into releasing a trade paperback collection of the entire Chaos God Saga.

OR is it possible for someone who owns the entire thing to post it somewhere? I'd love to see it.

TenPoundHammer
02-15-2010, 05:38 PM
Macaulay Culkin. Hmm. Makes me wonder if there's any person like that today that one wonders will end up in obscurity like he did- a young star with the initials M.C. who unexpectedly shot to fame with a single role and continuing with that fame long after most of general society had gotten over them? Nope. Can't think of anyone.

*blank stare*

Okay, whom are you referring to this time?

mobo85
02-15-2010, 06:37 PM
*blank stare*

Okay, whom are you referring to this time?

Sweet niblets, I thought it was an obvious joke. Why, Miranda Cosgrove, of course! No, wait, the other one, Laurie Missouri or whatsitz.

Lonestarr
02-15-2010, 07:14 PM
Sweet niblets, I thought it was an obvious joke. Why, Miranda Cosgrove, of course! No, wait, the other one, Laurie Missouri or whatsitz.

To be honest, I was wondering that myself.

I see what you did there.

Kitschensyngk
02-15-2010, 08:04 PM
Sweet niblets, I thought it was an obvious joke. Why, Miranda Cosgrove, of course! No, wait, the other one, Laurie Missouri or whatsitz.

Ohhhh, the one that posed naked for Vanity Fair! Mickey something-or-other.

J. B. Warner
02-17-2010, 12:46 PM
Don't put your video games away just yet - it's time for March 2003!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_01.jpg
This was just a few months after my subscription stopped. It's also the issue to introduce the magazine's long-running motif of just throwing a bunch of random crap on the cover all willy-nilly. I think I dodged a bullet here.

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Tristar Pictures, you peddle in lies! My first kiss was actually extremely forgettable, as my first girlfriend was notoriously conservative when it came to displays of affection - she didn't even kiss me until nine months into our relationship, and even then she was basically just putting her mouth on mine without any passion whatsoever. It's no wonder we broke up.
Now, my SECOND kiss...hot damn. Let me just say I had a very happy Valentine's Day this year.

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I got nothing against SpongeBob (unlike the rest of the Internet), but I think they made the right call here, Kim Possible is the better character. SpongeBob just happens upon a lot of goofy, happy-go-lucky hijinks - Kim has to save the world on a daily basis. Also, she's better-looking too.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_04.jpg
If you don't believe me, just check out her school spirit on March 5 there...
...
Wait, what am I saying? I have a girlfriend now! I don't have to be attracted to cartoon characters anymore!

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The first Inspector Gadget movie was terrible. I really can't imagine how a direct-to-DVD sequel could be any better. At least they fixed the problem of miscasting Matthew Broderick as Gadget, though I can't really say if French Stewart is much of an improvement in that regard.

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No fair! You guys got three goalies!

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Just when you didn't think "The Ketchup Song" could get any more annoying, they went and made a Radio Disney version of it.
This is the only time in the post-Katzenberg era that you'll ever see Roger Rabbit in DA. Frankly, I'm amazed that they even mentioned the DVD at all. (Also, what are they trying to pull, claiming that the three theatrical shorts are "newly released"? They're not even new to home video.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_08.jpg
Into the video game vault we go. I don't know about you, but I think Link looked a lot more badass when he wasn't a chibi.

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I have never seen "Yu-Gi-Oh". Not even so much as a minute of any episode. And I've never played the card game. I really just don't have any interest in it whatsoever, and I think a lot of that stems from the fact that the majority of its fanbase seems to spend most of their time arguing over which character they'd most like to ****. (That seems to happen a lot with shounen anime.)

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"One of the most fun parts of the new Harry Potter game is finding and unlocking all the hidden Wizard Cards!...So here they all are for you. Have fun!"

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You know, it was bad enough when Warner Bros. did this to the Looney Tunes with Space Jam, now Disney's gotta get in on it too?

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When Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire first came out, I was going through a bizarre phase where I was forcing myself to hate Pokémon so kids in high school would like me. Thus, I largely ignored the games for their first year or so of release. Then I went to college and realized people didn't care whether or not I liked Pokémon anymore, and it was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest.

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It pisses me off that "Jet Pack Pets" somehow became the most popular latter-day Disney Adventures comic. It's just so incredibly bad. But apparently it was doing so well that they did this contest to let kids pick the new character. The winner, Tilly the Kangaroo, appeared in one comic in the June/July 2003 issue and never showed up again. Don't worry, kids, Dad just took her to a farm upstate.

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Does anyone else think it's weird that DA devoted two whole pages to a comic promoting a Kids' WB show? I can guarantee that in the last few years of the magazine, when everything on the cover had to be Disney-related, they never would have gotten away with this.

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I've mentioned this before, but it keeps coming up - in the 2000s, DA was obsessed with Top 10 lists. There's an issue in 2004 where they actually count down the Top 10 Top 10 lists. I wish I was making that up, I really do.

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Right on, NHL! I think more sports should go coed. Enough of this "giving girls their own league" business - that's what they did with the WNBA, and look at how well that's turned out.

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Mars, what exactly is it you like about Bernerd and Squatty? 'Cause they haven't really done anything to impress me so far. This, for instance, is equal parts unfunny and disturbing. What was that mouse doing in his mouth, anyway?

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The Power Rangers were one of the biggest things in children's entertainment...in 1993. In 2003, nobody cared about them anymore. So why the heck do they have a comic in the Comic Zone all of a sudden? (Yeah, I know it's because Disney bought the rights to the series from Saban, but c'mon, this is just a waste of valuable space that could be used for a Kim Possible comic.)

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Here's the first part of that globby Little Gloomy story that didn't see a conclusion until three issues later for some reason. Again, most of the story is just Gloomy and Larry standing around talking sarcastically to one another. Is there any particular reason why none of these characters like each other at all?

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Ugh. This is worse than "Broccoli Spears".

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Oh, suck it up, Sam. You were black-and-white all throughout the '50s, you'll survive for a couple of months.
There seemed to be an epidemic of food advertising mascots losing their colors for a while. I seem to recall that it happened to the M&Ms, as well as Fred and Barney in a couple of Fruity Pebbles spots.

Chaotix12345
02-17-2010, 01:25 PM
While I disagree with your opinions on the first Pokemon movie and the english anime(Heck, I even love the incredibly cheesy soundtrack CDs), I'm glad you're back to bring us more great scans for all to see. There's no better way to spend an afternoon than by taking a glimpse back in time. Man, I love 90's nostalgia.

Peter Paltridge
02-17-2010, 01:37 PM
You have a girlfriend now? When did this happen?

That "Little Secrets" ad is surprising. It breaks one of the most widely accepted rules of children's advertising -- kids hate mush. I'd imagine many a boy flipped to that page, recoiled in horror, and quickly flipped again. Plus, I see Ebert and Roeper gave it "two thumbs up." The thumbs would soon be retired, but they had lost all credibility at that point.

A Mucha Lucha comic is REALLY surprising. Maybe the excuse was that it was an "interview," technically, but......I thought that kind of thing never happened again after Heidi left.

Kitschensyngk
02-17-2010, 04:05 PM
Just today I was watching the Nostalgia Critic's Lost in Space review and it popped into my head--he should SO do the 1999 Inspector Gadget movie.

Man it was awful. The stupid jokes, the blatant product placement, Penny and Brain reduced to walk-on roles, showing Dr. Claw's face to reveal that of a nondescript businessman...and what was the point of the toothpaste scene?

As for the sequel...never saw it. Don't care to.

mobo85
02-17-2010, 04:27 PM
This wouldn't be the first time a unit of Sony Pictures lied to promote their product. Four words: David Manning, Ridgefield Press.

Interesting how various names fall in and out of favor: according to the Social Security Administration, the most popular baby names for 2009 were Jacob and Emma.

SpongeBob vs. Kim Possible is actually a very interesting conundrum. Frankly, I'm split. Not sure which one would win in a fight, either- probably Kim, but SpongeBob often manages to "outwit" Plankton due to his innocence and naivite. Now Kim Possible vs. Perry the Platypus- that's a battle I would like to see. (Heck, their arch-nemeses both are incompetent buffoons with sarcastic sidekicks- would they be friends rather than foes?)


That "Little Secrets" ad is surprising. It breaks one of the most widely accepted rules of children's advertising -- kids hate mush. I'd imagine many a boy flipped to that page, recoiled in horror, and quickly flipped again. Plus, I see Ebert and Roeper gave it "two thumbs up." The thumbs would soon be retired, but they had lost all credibility at that point.

The thumbs were actually retired a while after Ebert left the show- he and Disney (who produced "At the Movies") were negotiating his return but Ebert thought he deserved more than what Disney was willing to pay him. In retaliation, he refused Disney permission to use the "two thumbs up" rating system- which is a registered trademark of himself and the estate of Gene Siskel- on the show. (Of course, seeing as Mr. Ebert can now no longer either speak or eat solid food, perhaps it's for the best that he didn't return. No disrespect to Mr. Ebert, whom I love dearly.) Ebert commented that he was willing to give the thumb trademark back to Disney once the current hosts, Scott and Phillips, took over, but Disney refused, stating they were taking the show in a "new direction."

John Pannozzi
02-19-2010, 02:20 PM
The first Inspector Gadget movie was terrible. I really can't imagine how a direct-to-DVD sequel could be any better. At least they fixed the problem of miscasting Matthew Broderick as Gadget, though I can't really say if French Stewart is much of an improvement in that regard.
From what I've heard, Gadget 2 sounds like a movie that I would consider to be so bad it's actually kinda entertaining, like a live-action cartoon.





http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_07.jpg
Just when you didn't think "The Ketchup Song" could get any more annoying, they went and made a Radio Disney version of it.
This is the only time in the post-Katzenberg era that you'll ever see Roger Rabbit in DA. Frankly, I'm amazed that they even mentioned the DVD at all. (Also, what are they trying to pull, claiming that the three theatrical shorts are "newly released"? They're not even new to home video.)
Also, notice the mention of Chip 'N' Dale's nephews Zip and Zap, who are characters even I have never heard of before (also, how exactly are they related to Chip 'N' Dale? I guess Chip 'N' Dale are brothers, and maybe they have another sibling who is one of Zip and Zap's parents).





http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_08.jpg
Into the video game vault we go. I don't know about you, but I think Link looked a lot more badass when he wasn't a chibi.

Wind Waker Link (or "Toon Link" as he's known in Super Smash Bros. Brawl) is charming in a PowerPuff Girl-kinda way, don't you think?






0303_11.jpg
You know, it was bad enough when Warner Bros. did this to the Looney Tunes with Space Jam, now Disney's gotta get in on it too?
At least this is just a semi-obscure video game and not a big budget theatrical movie like Space Jam was.




When Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire first came out, I was going through a bizarre phase where I was forcing myself to hate Pokémon so kids in high school would like me. Thus, I largely ignored the games for their first year or so of release. Then I went to college and realized people didn't care whether or not I liked Pokémon anymore, and it was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest.
I kinda know how you felt.




http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_14.jpg
Does anyone else think it's weird that DA devoted two whole pages to a comic promoting a Kids' WB show? I can guarantee that in the last few years of the magazine, when everything on the cover had to be Disney-related, they never would have gotten away with this.

And note that the artist is Matt Danner, who has worked with John K. in the past, and was featured in a special feature on the Looney Tunes Movie Collection DVD (that featurette also had appearances by Joe Alaskey, Spike Bennett and Tony Cervone).



http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_15.jpg
I've mentioned this before, but it keeps coming up - in the 2000s, DA was obsessed with Top 10 lists. There's an issue in 2004 where they actually count down the Top 10 Top 10 lists. I wish I was making that up, I really do.

I'm just a little surprised that Mandarin Chinese and Hindustani is more widely spoken than English and Spanish, but hey, if Japanese made it into the top 10 at all, than it's fine by me.



The Power Rangers were one of the biggest things in children's entertainment...in 1993. In 2003, nobody cared about them anymore.
Except for the ever-growing older Power Rangers fan-base (which is pretty major presence on Toon Zone Forums, just in case you haven't noticed).


So why the heck do they have a comic in the Comic Zone all of a sudden? (Yeah, I know it's because Disney bought the rights to the series from Saban, but c'mon, this is just a waste of valuable space that could be used for a Kim Possible comic.)
Eh, still not that bad a comic.

Funky Al
02-19-2010, 10:11 PM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_08.jpg
Into the video game vault we go. I don't know about you, but I think Link looked a lot more badass when he wasn't a chibi.
I think you're missing the point a little. Link was never intended to be badass. He's a kid in tights for all but TWO games. Also, Wind Waker was scarier than the others in a few regards. Seriously, compare the redeads. Even in Twilight princess, the "darker" version of Zelda, they don't have GLOWING RED EYES.



http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0303_14.jpg
Does anyone else think it's weird that DA devoted two whole pages to a comic promoting a Kids' WB show? I can guarantee that in the last few years of the magazine, when everything on the cover had to be Disney-related, they never would have gotten away with this.


Fun fact! In the early years of Homestar Runner, people thought Strong bad was ripping off Mucha Lucha. Or so say the Brothers Chaps on DVD commentary.

Peter Paltridge
02-20-2010, 02:38 AM
Fun fact! In the early years of Homestar Runner, people thought Strong bad was ripping off Mucha Lucha. Or so say the Brothers Chaps on DVD commentary.
Where'd they say that? I have the first 100 E-mails set, but I didn't buy the others because I was waiting for them to bundle discs 4, 5 and 6 into a "Next 100 E-mails" set. Have they done that yet?

Funky Al
02-20-2010, 10:58 PM
Where'd they say that? I have the first 100 E-mails set, but I didn't buy the others because I was waiting for them to bundle discs 4, 5 and 6 into a "Next 100 E-mails" set. Have they done that yet?
As far as I know, they have not. They do have the overkill combo, with ALL the discs and Strong Bad Sings, so you could buy that and give the stuff you've already got as a birthday gift or something to that regard. But a 4-6 bundle doesn't appear to be coming anytime soon.

TenPoundHammer
02-27-2010, 04:43 PM
I thought that Hair Pair gag was rather funny, actually, just because it's so hyperbolic.

Chibi Link scares me.

J. B. Warner
03-15-2010, 01:44 PM
Well, I've taken a long break from the Archive - time to come back all refreshed and re-energized for December 1997!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_01.jpg
You know, to this day, I still haven't told my grandmother that Ursula reminds me of her.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_02.jpg
Speaking of The Little Mermaid, I wonder how many little girls got that $74 Ariel doll for Christmas and then ruined it by bringing it in the bathtub with them.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_03.jpg
Batman and Robin is so bad, they had to freeze it in liquid nitrogen so nobody would ever watch it.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_04.jpg
The fact that this kid's name is Doug actually makes this even more cosmic. But let's see him try to bag a Neematoad sometime.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_05.jpg
I'm guessing the line of thinking here was "Hey, Tia and Tamera Mowry have moderate success with a sitcom on the WB, let's see if we can do the same thing with their little brother!"
The Disney Channel picked up the cold reruns of this show in the early '00s, which is probably what led them to cast Tahj Mowry as Wade on "Kim Possible". So I guess there's an upside to everything.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_06.jpg
This was right about when Disney was really bending over backwards trying to make a direct-to-video sequel to every movie they'd ever made. Beauty and the Beast is pretty freakin' closed-ended, what with the Beast and all the enchanted objects becoming human again, so they made this thing and said it happened during the events of the original movie and we just didn't get to see it. Sure.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_07.jpg
Liz Smith's job was getting really easy at this point. She didn't even have to answer kids' questions anymore, she just had to provide celebrity addresses.
Also, Zac Hanson briefly being attracted to himself is wrong on a whole lot of levels.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_08.jpg
Robin Williams is like a perpetual motion machine; turn him on and he'll never stop going. This is the second interview he did for DA - the first was in September 1996, and I think it took up half the issue.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_09.jpg
Really, how many Land Before Time sequels does one culture need? This is only the fifth; I understand they eventually made it up to thirteen(!) of them before they decided to call it a day. I never saw anything past the original film; I imagine Chomper was sort of the Cousin Oliver of the group.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_10.jpg
So apparently, this is how the Psychlos decided to enslave humanity in Battlefield Earth.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_11.jpg
Anastasia: Not a Disney movie, but an incredible simulation. It's a nice little story, though, until you realize that recent forensic evidence proves that it never really happened. Sheesh, next thing you know, they'll prove that Rasputin never really had a wisecracking pet bat.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_12.jpg
Badtz-Maru, one of about a dozen Sanrio characters nobody remembers anymore. My girlfriend is a huge Hello Kitty fan and I doubt even she knows who this guy is.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_13.jpg
It's December, so naturally there's a long article on all the must-have toys of the holiday season. And it's 1997, so naturally the infamous Tamagotchi is going to be in there somewhere. Funny, even the DA writers were getting sick of it.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_14.jpg
I actually got that Death Star for Christmas that year, back when I was going through a brief phase of Star Wars mania (seeing the remastered versions in theaters got me all hopped up). I think the first time I pressed the lever to open it up, it hit me in the face. The Force was not strong with this one.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_15.jpg
I have to admit, that's got to be the most apt description of Dennis Rodman I've ever read.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_16.jpg
It's the new Brett Favre action figure! He runs! He passes! He kinda retires but not really! Get yours today!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_17.jpg
I really wanted "Spy Fox". I was at a toy store once where they had it on a computer in the electronics department, and you could sit down and play it for a while; I think I was in there for an hour. If the guy who did Spy Fox's voice wasn't Don Adams, then it sure sounded a lot like him.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_18.jpg
Our old buddy Sergio Aragones throws his hat into the Comics Zone this month with his take on George of the Jungle. And wouldn't you know it, he's teamed with another comic book great, writer Mark Evanier! You won't find talent like this in the Steve Behling era, I'll tell you that much for free.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_19.jpg
Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, this is the first "Recess" comic to appear in DA. As such, it's basically just an introduction to the show's characters, in the guise of TJ and friends showing Gus around his new school. What is this, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Playground?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_20.jpg
And what better way to chase a "Recess" comic than with the scariest Bone installment ever? This was right about when I got really interested in reading the rest of the story - I was determined to find out who the Hooded One was and what the rat creatures wanted with Phoney. I was not disappointed.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_21.jpg
Gosh, I wonder what the hidden image could be?
While I'm at it, I might as well reiterate that I really liked Crunchy Nacho Chee-tos. I would have loved them more if they didn't cover my fingers with a fine black film.

kaseykockroach
03-15-2010, 02:20 PM
In the dark of the night, evil will find her! In the dark of the night, just before daaawn!!!!!
Ahem, I apologize, I have to sing that every time a Don Bluth movie is mentioned.

John Pannozzi
03-15-2010, 09:08 PM
You know, to this day, I still haven't told my grandmother that Ursula reminds me of her.

Ya know, my elementary school principal looked just a little like Ursula, to tell the truth.




I'm guessing the line of thinking here was "Hey, Tia and Tamera Mowry have moderate success with a sitcom on the WB, let's see if we can do the same thing with their little brother!"
The Disney Channel picked up the cold reruns of this show in the early '00s, which is probably what led them to cast Tahj Mowry as Wade on "Kim Possible". So I guess there's an upside to everything.

I must confess that I rather liked "Smart Guy" back in the day, so sue me. Yeardley Smith guest-starred in one episode, and IIRC they referenced Godzilla, Mothra and Gamera.



This was right about when Disney was really bending over backwards trying to make a direct-to-video sequel to every movie they'd ever made. Beauty and the Beast is pretty freakin' closed-ended, what with the Beast and all the enchanted objects becoming human again, so they made this thing and said it happened during the events of the original movie and we just didn't get to see it. Sure.
For my money, though, the "cheap-quels" didn't seem to be overwhelming in number until around 1999-2005.




http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_10.jpg
So apparently, this is how the Psychlos decided to enslave humanity in Battlefield Earth.
LOL. I actually saw the commercial based directly off this ad. It was weird, a human turned into one of these alien dudes and then turned back or some junk. You can probably find it on any popular video-hosting site.



http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_12.jpg
Badtz-Maru, one of about a dozen Sanrio characters nobody remembers anymore. My girlfriend is a huge Hello Kitty fan and I doubt even she knows who this guy is.
I actually remember him, now that you mention him.





I actually got that Death Star for Christmas that year, back when I was going through a brief phase of Star Wars mania (seeing the remastered versions in theaters got me all hopped up). I think the first time I pressed the lever to open it up, it hit me in the face. The Force was not strong with this one.

I hope your folks didn't buy that toy from Steve-Dave's store in New Jersey.








http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_18.jpg
Our old buddy Sergio Aragones throws his hat into the Comics Zone this month with his take on George of the Jungle. And wouldn't you know it, he's teamed with another comic book great, writer Mark Evanier! You won't find talent like this in the Steve Behling era, I'll tell you that much for free.

And note that the lettering is done by the legendary Stan Sakai, who has a reputation for being the nicest guy in the comics industry, and is the creator of Usagi Yojimbo, a Dark Horse-published character who has crossovered with the Ninja Turtles in comics as well as both of the Turtles' animated shows (Sakai-san is good friends with TMNT co-creator Peter Laird).

Lonestarr
03-16-2010, 09:54 AM
One can only imagine the generation of kids scarred for life by that 'Talking Tommy' toy. I'm nearing 30 and that thing creeps me out. I really think that a Mr. Friend doll would've been less creepy.

TenPoundHammer
03-16-2010, 09:45 PM
I wanted Spy Fox (one of many things that steered me toward furry early on), but my computer was too old even then. Which is strange, since Macs are hardly known for rapid obscolesence. Even as early as 1995, things were being made only for the next model after mine... grr...

I do remember noticing in that issue that Sergio Aragonés did the GotJ comic. I knew him only from Mad.

Speaking of Mad, why did so many 1990s ads try and ape the Fold-In? And worse, why did none of them employ Al Jaffee?

I think that's the issue that got me into Bone. And 13 years later, I finally bought the first three volumes. I don't want to rush into anything.

Dynamite XI
03-17-2010, 06:08 AM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1297_19.jpg
Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, this is the first "Recess" comic to appear in DA. As such, it's basically just an introduction to the show's characters, in the guise of TJ and friends showing Gus around his new school. What is this, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Playground?

IIRC, that comic actually accompanies the episode that introduces Gus. The comic ends right where the recess portion of the episode begins, and shortly thereafter King Bob declares that Gus only be known as "New Kid" (and natch, hijinks ensue). Good ep.

Yet another one of those instances where I can't believe I still remember all this stuff.

mobo85
03-17-2010, 08:13 PM
$5 off Duracell batteries with purchase of Batman and Robin? Let me just put that on my bat-credit card...A BAT-CREDIT CARD?!

I was going to say that "since Kim Possible had a lot of Disney-grown or adopted talent, wasn't one of the Mowrys also the voice of Kim's cheerleader rival Bonnie?" Then I realized that wasn't the case. That's so Raven...I mean, me. (Besides running reruns on their channel, Smart Guy also happened to be produced by Disney.) Of course, the Mowrys did indeed do a bit of voice-over duty for the WB, voicing two characters on Detention named Orangella and Lemonjella, probably the most racist names for modern cartoon characters I can think of. (I'm guessing naming one of them "Shytheed" was out of the question.)

The Humongous Entertainment PC games were awesome- even though I was out of the age range for the games. (I actually wrote a fan e-mail to Humongous telling them this fact and they responded to the effect of "Glad we're not the only ones over the age listed on the box who like our games!") Very much like the old-timey Lucasarts adventure games, only with educational aspects (though not many).Spy Fox was a highlight indeed, in part because it was a lot of fun and funny, in part because it was meant for an older audience than most of their fare. Not that Freddi Fish, Pajama Sam, and Putt-Putt-Not-Affiliated-With-Putt-Putt-Golf-Courses-of-America-Inc. didn't have their moments. I believe Humongous is part of Atari now- I know they released a Wii version of the original Spy Fox.

I vaguely recall Bone back when it was being run in Disney Adventures. It didn't catch my fancy back then. But recently on a whim, I decided to start reading it. For those of you who don't already know, the legends are true: Jeff Smith is a freakin' genius.

Lonestarr
03-18-2010, 07:14 PM
$5 off Duracell batteries with purchase of Batman and Robin? Let me just put that on my bat-credit card...A BAT-CREDIT CARD?!

Never leave the cave without it. :D

J. B. Warner
04-19-2010, 11:13 PM
Bad news: My girlfriend broke up with me.
Good news: We ended the relationship on very good terms, we're still friends, and I now have the free time I need to resuscitate this thread!

So let's leap back into action with an issue I know Mars has been waiting to see me tackle for a long time, April 1991!

(By the way, I apologize if the images are huge. I swear I uploaded them at 1024x768, but the preview keeps displaying them at 4000x3000. Maybe it's just my computer.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_01.jpg
There must have been a couple of different printings of the first few issues - this is the sixth issue ever, and for some reason it doesn't have a date on the cover or the spine. It's also in absolutely pristine condition; you'd swear it came off the newsstand yesterday. Mucho props to the eBay seller I bought it from!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_02.jpg
Yummy yummy yummy, I got M's in my tummy...
Also, isn't this what it says in alien language on the pillars outside the Nibblonian Embassy?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_03.jpg
This is how people actually dressed in 1991 - bright neon colors and jeans with a crotch that came to your knees. Thank God for Kurt Cobain and his affinity for flannel.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_04.jpg
Fwoosh! Zoom! Putt...putt...putt...nyeeerroooom KAPOW!
That was the sound of the potential Rocketeer movie franchise crashing and burning.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_05.jpg
Mars, you asked for it, and you got it! The real highlight is on the other page, when Weird Al explains that the five people he'd most like to invite to dinner are Emo Phillips, Uma Thurman, Amy Irving, Yma Sumac, and Yoko Ono, just so he could have a chance to introduce them all to each other by their first names. How the heck does he come up with this stuff so quick on the fly?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_06.jpg
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Problem Child II, The Neverending Story II...it's the attack of the crappy sequels!
Also, Christian Slater was apparently planning on taking some time off...but evidently not before squeezing the inexplicable Star Trek VI onto his resumé. (Speaking of crappy sequels...)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_07.jpg
Did you know Magica DeSpell has a niece named Minima? Well, for the purposes of this story, she does. One thing I've noticed about Disney Adventures' "DuckTales" comics is that someone on staff sure liked to get Magica all wet. (Yeah, like I'm one to talk.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_08.jpg
"There are times in my life when I have felt as if an invisible hand reached out and changed the course of my destiny." What the hell, is this Reader's Digest all of a sudden?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_09.jpg
"Ball lighting is when lightning randomly splits in half and shoots all over the place, burning up everything it touches, and no one knows when it'll happen. Sleep tight, kids!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_10.jpg
Speaking of things being split in half, here's the rest of the "DuckTales" story. And in part two, we learn that Scrooge apparently took driving lessons from Vin Diesel.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_11.jpg
"The Conquest of Space"? What, is space some kind of major threat to homeland security that we have to pre-emptively obliterate or something?
Also, you know it's 1991 when they're still referring to the Russians as "the Soviets". That wouldn't last much longer, though, would it? Eh, Gorbachev?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_12.jpg
Any kid who set foot in a library in the '90s will recognize the "READ" campaign, wherein celebrities pose with their favorite books. I always thought it seemed like kind of a last-ditch effort, what with the huge capital letters and nothing else. It's like they're grabbing America's youth by the shoulders and screaming "READ, DAMMIT!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_13.jpg
This month's "Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers" comic is pretty much par for the course, but what's up with this color scheme? Lots of bright oranges and greens and purples...I bet somebody on the comics staff just read Watchmen.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_14.jpg
So if you see trees where there are no trees, then it's just a mirage. If you see giant purple-and-yellow polka-dotted elephants dancing the foxtrot with Charles Bronson, then that's just the Taco Bell gordita you had sittin' in the fridge for two and a half weeks.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_15.jpg
"...always check behind closed doors and windows for missing children."
KABOOM
That was the sound of my head exploding from the sheer overload of joke possibilities. (It's been almost a year, I think it's okay now.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_16.jpg
Here's how mint this issue is - the free "TaleSpin" stickers are still in here. Ah, the early 1990s, when you could still have guns in kids' cartoons.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_17.jpg
Damn, Roger is a lucky little so-and-so. (And I'm single again now, so I can say that and mean it.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_18.jpg
You know what the next logical step has to be, don't you? That's right - individually wrapped sandwich bars.
"Hospital, please."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_19.jpg
Actually, can you not find all of them? I think a severely impared box turtle with a very busy schedule could still get all 15 of 'em.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_20.jpg
And we close out with our old friend, the "TaleSpin" ad. Ol' Baloo grins at you from the back of four of the first six issues of DA. Say what you will about Disney, they can really market when they need to.

Peter Paltridge
04-19-2010, 11:33 PM
You broke up that fast? Wow, I'm sorry. But you have to answer this...did she really want to watch cartoons with you?


Bad news: My girlfriend broke up with me.
Good news: We ended the relationship on very good terms, we're still friends, and I now have the free time I need to resuscitate this thread!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_01.jpg
There must have been a couple of different printings of the first few issues - this is the sixth issue ever, and for some reason it doesn't have a date on the cover or the spine. It's also in absolutely pristine condition; you'd swear it came off the newsstand yesterday. Mucho props to the eBay seller I bought it from!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_03.jpg
This is how people actually dressed in 1991 - bright neon colors and jeans with a crotch that came to your knees. Thank God for Kurt Cobain and his affinity for flannel.
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_05.jpg
Mars, you asked for it, and you got it! The real highlight is on the other page, when Weird Al explains that the five people he'd most like to invite to dinner are Emo Phillips, Uma Thurman, Amy Irving, Yma Sumac, and Yoko Ono, just so he could have a chance to introduce them all to each other by their first names. How the heck does he come up with this stuff so quick on the fly?


http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_15.jpg
"...always check behind closed doors and windows for missing children."
KABOOM
That was the sound of my head exploding from the sheer overload of joke possibilities. (It's been almost a year, I think it's okay now.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_16.jpg
Here's how mint this issue is - the free "TaleSpin" stickers are still in here. Ah, the early 1990s, when you could still have guns in kids' cartoons.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_17.jpg
Damn, Roger is a lucky little so-and-so. (And I'm single again now, so I can say that and mean it.)

Okay, the copy you have is an abnormality. Mine does not say "Free TaleSpin Stickers" in the corner, nor does it have any. I'd say it was a subscription copy, but if it was, there would be a label or a glue scar somewhere. My best guess: you have a rare promotional edition. Congrats!

Saggy pants lasted all through the 90's and into the 21st century. I'm not sure they ever went away.

When David Letterman made his famous "Uma, Oprah" joke, I thought he stole it from this interview, since Al made a very similar one first. Uma is even in it.

You don't have to make that joke about Moonwalker -- the AVGN made it over a year ago. Before his death, though.

That mink Jessica's wearing is far luckier than Roger. Look how happy he is!

J. B. Warner
04-19-2010, 11:48 PM
You broke up that fast? Wow, I'm sorry. But you have to answer this...did she really want to watch cartoons with you?

Indeed she did - in addition to watching my Looney Tunes Golden Collections and borrowing my copy of "Animaniacs" Volume 1, she also introduced me to "South Park", "Milk-Chan", and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force", and she and I share a common interest in the classic Nicktoons, especially "The Ren and Stimpy Show". Plus, we just watched Coraline together last week, and she loved it. (We had such a strong connection that she really didn't want to break up, but she's just got way too much on her plate right now to carry on with a serious romantic relationship. But I don't want to turn this into a LiveJournal or anything - the fact is, she and I are still cool with each other, even if we're not a "thing" anymore.)

By the way, how do the images look to you? Humongous, or are they normal sized?

Peter Paltridge
04-20-2010, 01:08 AM
By the way, how do the images look to you? Humongous, or are they normal sized?
They're normal-sized.

J. B. Warner
04-20-2010, 01:20 PM
I have a lot of catching up to do here, so expect a veritable blizzard of articles in the next few weeks. Here's May 2004!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_01.jpg
This issue didn't come from eBay - I got it from my friend Kristen, whose little brother subscribed to DA for about ten years. He didn't exactly take very good care of them. (It's pretty bizarro that I have issues from 1991 that look like they just came off the printing press, yet this one from thirteen years later looks like it went through a war.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_02.jpg
So basically, what they're saying is that it's okay to be a wuss as long as you have friends to do scary stuff for you. I think.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_03.jpg
I like the look on Ashley's face there. It's like she's the one who realizes this is pretty much the end of both their careers. 18 years is a long enough run as far as I'm concerned.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_04.jpg
2004 was the year of Shrek 2, a.k.a. The Movie That Took Over The World. I'm not even kidding when I say that DreamWorks paid for merchandising tie-ins with damn near every single product on earth. And to top it all off, they re-released the first movie on DVD with this thing, a 15-minute short feature in 3-D. I've tried to watch 3-D movies on TV, and trust me, it doesn't work. (DreamWorks failed to learn this lesson, as they did the same thing five years later with Monsters Vs. Aliens.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_05.jpg
Yeah, that Legolas is quite the "stunt-doer", isn't he?
All I'll say is this - I saw Fellowship and got halfway through Two Towers before I lost interest. But I also saw Elf and even though it was kinda stupid, I really enjoyed it. So I say score one for Disney Adventures on this one.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_06.jpg
I highly suspect all those people watching them run through Midtown wearing towels were just thinking "Damn, I can't remember, are they 18 yet or not?"
Also, maybe Mary-Kate should try really hard at eating sometime. (Okay, okay, last one of those.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0504_07.jpg
A little wishful thinking, a little magic, a little Big, a little Freaky Friday...
Also, there's Mike Myers' address, for anybody who wants to write him and ask what the hell he was thinking when he did The Love Guru.

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I haven't seen this many Nerds since I went to the San Diego Comic-Con.
"HI-YOOOOOH!"

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Thus begins the Super-Duper-Maxi-Mega-Ultra-Giga-Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Entertainment Quiz. If you get some of these early questions wrong, just disqualify yourself right away. "What type of animal is Crash Bandicoot?" Duh, I'm gonna have to say "rhinoceros".

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I think the proper phrasing of Question 33 should have been "What were the first names of 'N Sync's five members?"
Also, I think everyone knows that Samus is a woman. Or at least anyone who's been on DeviantArt, anyway.

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The answer to Question 61 is "Never", but hard-core Peanuts fans probably know that in the last football strip ever, from 1999, Lucy had Rerun hold the football for her, assuming that he'd pull it away the same way she always does. When she realized Rerun might not know what to do and asked him if Charlie Brown actually kicked it, Rerun just smirked and said "You'll never know..."
I already knew that Pink's real name is Alecia Moore. She's the person I'd want doing the voice for Jocelyn if "Forever 16" ever became animated (http://jbwarner86.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-hear-voices.html).

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Jeez, this thing just keeps going. Counting the answers, this whole quiz takes up a whopping 26 pages. It makes a nice handy cover-up for the fact that they didn't have any actual stories this month.
"Hillduff, I choose you!" Her Pokémon power would be the ability to star in ABC Family original movies long after everyone stopped caring about her.
What's Question 89 doing in Level 4? I think everyone knows who Ned Flanders is.

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Note Question 95. The writing in Episode II was so bad, I'd believe any of those answers to be the right one.
Also, Mars, you're a Portlander - just how many Simpsons street names are there?

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We've seen this ad before, but now they've added something in the corner for Action Valley Park, which I can only assume was another one of those "get kids to go out and play" things. Way to backpedal there, Hostess.

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Ben Wallace's afro would even make Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction jealous. And the nice thing is, if the ball ever hits him in the head, it'll just bounce right off.

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Jack Sparrow on the side of good? "Has the world gone topsy-turvy?"
Nah, turns out he just wants to storm the treasury so he can make off with everyone's gold. He's a total jerk, yet women swoon over him anyway. (I think this is the same appeal Edward Cullen has, come to think of it.)

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This is a beautifully-drawn "Kim Possible" comic, but all the nice art in the world can't make up for its lame half-a-plot and general air of WTFery. "That konk on the chin must have changed Ron's entire personality! Quick, knock him out with a bunny slipper so he'll shoot nachos at the bad guy!" Yeah, you gotta love that nacho gun, don't you? 'Cause they eat at Bueno Nacho, y'see, and...yeah.
Sorry, Landry Quinn Walker, but this isn't exactly your finest hour. (If anything, though, it makes me want to see some of the longer stories you wrote that never made it - this one really suffers from being compressed down to two pages.)

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Also in the Comics Zone this month is an eight-page advertising supplement all about the "W.I.T.C.H." series of graphic novels. I just wish the animation on the show could have looked this nice. (Wait, maybe that was "Winx Club"...)

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Have I mentioned lately that I hate "Jet Pack Pets"? Yes? Well, I'm saying it again anyway. I hate "Jet Pack Pets". There.

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Of course, given that this is still basically just sticking a wet flashlight in your mouth, I get the sense that there's the potential risk for an explosion of a different kind.

DarthGonzo
04-20-2010, 09:07 PM
Is there a chance someone could actually upload the entirety of that Chaos God saga that I've only seen tantalizing glimpses of?

Peter Paltridge
04-20-2010, 11:20 PM
3-D movies on TV work better on HD sets. Coraline didn't work at all until I tried it on the living room TV. There's a tip.

You were too nice to "13 Going On 30." I take it you haven't seen it.

I love the "What kind of animal is Crash Bandicoot" question. Like a variation on the old "Who's buried in Grant's tomb."

The Simpsons street names are: Flanders, Lovejoy, Clancy, Terwilliger, and Van Houten.


Is there a chance someone could actually upload the entirety of that Chaos God saga that I've only seen tantalizing glimpses of?
I'm gonna talk to JB about that; stay tuned.

Funky Al
04-21-2010, 12:34 AM
Really, I'm depressed by the look on Eugene Levy's face more than anything. I mean the guy used to be on SCTV, for God's sake! Now he's doing this.

Would Hilduff have any relation to Jumpluff?

mobo85
04-21-2010, 01:12 PM
In an alternate universe, "YA HAAAAAAAA!" is the equivalent of "Of course!" as that thing you say after someone says "take over the world."

The American Library Association still has the "READ" campaign to this day. I saw one in Brookyln with Kristen Bugsbunnyteeth and Robert Sparklyvampire from that one movie about the sparkly vampire.

Um...that's Cosmo, not Timmy.

The Shrek 3-D short is the Shrek 4-D attraction at Universal Orlando...presumably, minus one D.

As far as Charlie Brown kicking the football is concerned, there was also another strip where the resolution wasn't seen. The punchline was something like "if she pulls that football away, I'll sue!" followed by Snoopy in his attorney costume running behind Charlie Brown. (Had to look up the year for that one- 1995.) Then there's the very bizarre TV special "It's Magic, Charlie Brown," but just like the appearance of the Little Red-Haired Girl in another special, it doesn't count since it's a TV special. (Yes, I know far too much about "Peanuts" for my own good. However, there are people who apparently know more- yesterday, the Schulz Museum posed a question on their Facebook page as to what materials Schulz used to draw the strip, and people actually knew!)

So I herd u liek hillduffz

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone can identify Ned Flanders!
"Not me."
Everyone who counts can identify Ned Flanders!

How many streets are there in Portland that share names with Simpsons characters? A lot. (http://www.snpp.com/guides/whoiswho.html#portland)

"The Isle of Lucee?" You don't expect Pirates of the Caribbean to be stealing puns from Jay Ward, but there you go.

I didn't think it was possible to take the old "bump on the head gives character amnesia" plot cliché and somehow make it stupider, but there you go. Again.

Peter Paltridge
04-21-2010, 01:52 PM
However, there are people who apparently know more- yesterday, the Schulz Museum posed a question on their Facebook page as to what materials Schulz used to draw the strip, and people actually knew!)
If you've ever read a Schulz biography, you should know that one. He drew every strip with a "914 Radio Penpoint." When the manufacturer stopped making them, he bought their entire leftover stock and never ran out.

mobo85
04-21-2010, 02:50 PM
I knew the tidbit about him buying out the entire stock, but I wouldn't be able to name it off the top of my head. (That was the pen he used for drawing- according to the Schulz Museum, he also used a Speedball C-5 point to letter.)

J. B. Warner
04-21-2010, 05:14 PM
The girlfriend and I are back together! (Is there a record for shortest breakup period?) Let's celebrate with April 1996!

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Say, that T-Rex looks familiar, doesn't it?

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The 1996 Summer Olympics were a huge freaking deal, given that they were the 100th anniversary of the modern games and all. Coca-Cola was quick to hop on the promotion train, rolling out the advertising three months early. And what better way to evoke the athletic spirit of the Olympic games than by depicting a kid about to be shot in the head with an arrow?

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This Zip Code page is great. It's got a letter that's actually intelligently written. It's got a kid who's full of crap about his basketball skills. It's got a drawing that's shamelessly stolen from We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (yet nobody seems to notice). And it's got yet another reader who takes Ins 'N Outs way too seriously.

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Yet another attempt to make a sequel to a Don Bluth movie without Don Bluth's involvement. I never saw this, but I really hope they brought the big-lipped alligator back.

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Imagine if Darius Rucker really was Wolverine. The critics would've thought twice before giving the Fairweather Johnson album another bad review.
Okay, here's a joke for ya. A guy goes into a talent agency and he tells the agent, "I've got this great act, see. A cat named Duchess and her three kittens are in this old lady's will, and her butler tries to bump them off, but they team up with this alley cat named O'Malley and they have these crazy adventures all across the French countryside!' And the talent agent goes 'Boy, that's a hell of an act, what do you call that?' And the guy goes 'I call it The Aristocats!'"

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The results of the fifth annual DA Music Awards are in. And it's always kind of awkward when the winners are musical talents who aren't exactly family-friendly. Like how "Waterfalls" won Favorite Song. "Waterfalls" is about a drug dealer who gets shot and a guy who dies of AIDS. You know, for kids!
I also find it ironic that both TLC and Boyz II Men were contenders for Group You Most Want To See On DA's Cover, and yet neither of them ever appeared there. (I have every issue, I can check these things.)

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Speaking of things that aren't appropriate for kids...
I find it really ironic that MJ won Favorite Male Singer, yet also came close to winning Musician You're Sick Of. (Parents were sickened, too, but for a different reason.)

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April Fools' Day has never been a favorite of mine. Really, it's just an excuse for people to act like asses all day. I'm not a prankster; my sense of humor is a verbal one. We need a holiday dedicated to MST3K-style riffing. That'd be right up my alley.

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The dinosaurisms in this issue include a handy checklist of everything Jurassic Park got wrong. Some of this stuff is forgivable; other things are a little harder to swallow. I don't know what the hell they were thinking when they decided the dilophosaurus was a frilled lizard that shot tar out of its mouth.

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Here are 25 things you didn't know about dinosaurs. Yes, we have no way of checking how much you personally know about dinosaurs, but we remain confident in our affirmation that you did not know these things.
Actually, some of this is pretty common knowledge. Who doesn't know that stegosaurs had brains the size of a walnut? That's like the first thing anyone ever learns about dinosaurs.

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Mr. Adventure takes a wilderness survival class this month. Helpful stuff if you're thinking of pursuing a career as the protagonist in a Gary Paulsen book.
Really, I think the whole thing was an excuse to play in the mud.

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If I had played baseball in high school, I would have done all that stuff. Which is probably why I didn't play baseball in high school.
Also, I really hope Panthers fans throw fake rats.

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"Reading opens up amazing worlds of excitement and adventure! But these worlds are products of their time, and some of them may depict the ethnic and racial stereotypes that were commonplace in American society. Now, these depictions were wrong then, and they're wrong today..."

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This very oddly-laid out Pocahontas comic tells the pantomime tale of Meeko, Percy, and Flit trying to collect flowers to cheer Pocahontas up. It's done with a lot more broad slapstick comedy than the movie ever attempted, though. For some reason, all I can think of is a dogcatcher chasing a dog chasing a cat chasing a bird chasing a worm...

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It seems like all of a sudden in 1996, the "Bonkers" comics in Disney Adventures suffered a severe drop in quality control. This one's horribly drawn, while others from this year contain an abnormally high number of coloring mistakes and last-minute script changes. ("Murder Mania", a two-parter from the February and March 1996 issues, contains the granddaddy of all continuity errors...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

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While we're on the subject of awkward comics, here's the second half of a two-part "Aladdin" story, wherein the Sultan and Jasmine leave Aladdin in charge of the palace while they go on vacation, only to be kidnapped by this guy whom the Sultan banished from Agrabah for being a general no-goodnik. Eventually, everyone ends up locked in the guy's dungeon...and then they just kinda mill around for a while until Genie's magic can work again. Then they go home, and there's an ending. Weak.

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Check out the new Nintendo 64! And look at all the games! There's "Super Mario 64", and...uh...there's, uh...um...ah, excuse me a minute.
...
*screech vrooooom*

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Sure, send away for this stuff. Then you can be subjected to a lifetime of people asking "Dude, why does this ball have the Energizer Bunny on it?"

Peter Paltridge
04-21-2010, 06:11 PM
I'm with you on the "Aladdin" comic. 20 pages of buildup for what? The page you scanned was one interesting cliffhanger, and then when you turn the page you find out Genie just held the door shut for 24 hours with one hand. An "F" for effort.

Also, whoever wrote it never saw the show. The Sultan doesn't rule over the entire desert -- just 1/7th of it.

I've only heard the radio version, but if "Waterfalls" is about a drug dealer, nothing in it says so. Sounds clean to me.

Of course the Olympics were a big deal for Coke -- their base of operations is in Atlanta.

J. B. Warner
04-21-2010, 06:43 PM
I've only heard the radio version, but if "Waterfalls" is about a drug dealer, nothing in it says so. Sounds clean to me.

Some say drug dealer, some say mobster - the lyrics are open to interpretation ("So he goes out and he makes his money the best way he knows how/Another body laying cold in the gutter").

Oh, by the way, it's time for the Next 9 Disney Adventures Archives!

- December 1992. Inside Cindy Crawford's closet, a sneak peek at Aladdin, Carrot Top turns toy tester, the great North Pole vs. South Pole debate of '92, and Scrooge McDuck goes to hell and back for sourdough pancakes.
- Summer 2001. Atlantis: The Lost Empire is just as boring as it looks, the alphabet as written by 'N Sync, the goofy side of living underwater, and the glorious introduction of the Game Boy Advance.
- February 1995. What the X-Men were like before Hugh Jackman, the fourth annual DA Music Awards (complete with ugly, ugly illustrations), how to make a mummy, and Kid Blastoff faces the Bomb Squad...literally.
- April 1998. Matt LeBlanc gets Lost in Space and we all wish he'd stay there, the astonishing ancestor of TV Tropes, how to dress like Buffy, Sabrina, and Kenan and Kel, and the full explanation of just why Phoney Bone got run out of Boneville.
- March 2006. Tim Allen hits rock bottom and starts digging with The Shaggy Dog, an evening with Chicken Little, an Incredibles comic that's actually pretty darn incredible, yet another crappy "Kim Possible" story, and the mind-numbingly idiotic results of the 2005 Radio Disney Music Awards.
- September 1993. Joey Lawrence goes "whoa", how rich kids dressed in the '90s, girls can surf just as good as guys, Mickey Mouse faces further terrors in Blaggard Castle, and the revved-up conclusion to "Automania".
- March 1997. Behind the scenes of the remastered Star Wars, George Lucas grants DA the biggest coup in the universe, a tour of Sabrina the Teenage Witch's bedroom, Sean Plottner climbs a volcano...again, Bonkers D. Bobcat presents Westworld, and the sheer terror that is The Neverending Story III.
- Music 2000. A chat with a pre-trainwreck Britney Spears, BBMak go to the circus, the Hanson brothers start talking and won't shut up, Six Degrees of Crappy Music, and the notorious "Broccoli Spears" Last Laugh.
- November 1995. The real dirt on "Gargoyles", yet another R.L. Stine interview, hilariously off-model Sailor Moon dolls, Mr. Adventure goes on another damn ghost hunt, and the secret life of Waffles and Chainsaw finally revealed.

DarthGonzo
04-21-2010, 06:44 PM
Ummm...why was Toots (Bonkers' pet horn) talking in that comic?

ToOn~g@l
04-22-2010, 04:05 PM
Oh, by the way, it's time for the Next 9 Disney Adventures Archives!

- December 1992. Inside Cindy Crawford's closet, a sneak peek at Aladdin, Carrot Top turns toy tester, the great North Pole vs. South Pole debate of '92, and Scrooge McDuck goes to hell and back for sourdough pancakes.
- Summer 2001. Atlantis: The Lost Empire is just as boring as it looks, the alphabet as written by 'N Sync, the goofy side of living underwater, and the glorious introduction of the Game Boy Advance.
- February 1995. What the X-Men were like before Hugh Jackman, the fourth annual DA Music Awards (complete with ugly, ugly illustrations), how to make a mummy, and Kid Blastoff faces the Bomb Squad...literally.
- April 1998. Matt LeBlanc gets Lost in Space and we all wish he'd stay there, the astonishing ancestor of TV Tropes, how to dress like Buffy, Sabrina, and Kenan and Kel, and the full explanation of just why Phoney Bone got run out of Boneville.
- March 2006. Tim Allen hits rock bottom and starts digging with The Shaggy Dog, an evening with Chicken Little, an Incredibles comic that's actually pretty darn incredible, yet another crappy "Kim Possible" story, and the mind-numbingly idiotic results of the 2005 Radio Disney Music Awards.
- September 1993. Joey Lawrence goes "whoa", how rich kids dressed in the '90s, girls can surf just as good as guys, Mickey Mouse faces further terrors in Blaggard Castle, and the revved-up conclusion to "Automania".
- March 1997. Behind the scenes of the remastered Star Wars, George Lucas grants DA the biggest coup in the universe, a tour of Sabrina the Teenage Witch's bedroom, Sean Plottner climbs a volcano...again, Bonkers D. Bobcat presents Westworld, and the sheer terror that is The Neverending Story III.
- Music 2000. A chat with a pre-trainwreck Britney Spears, BBMak go to the circus, the Hanson brothers start talking and won't shut up, Six Degrees of Crappy Music, and the notorious "Broccoli Spears" Last Laugh.
- November 1995. The real dirt on "Gargoyles", yet another R.L. Stine interview, hilariously off-model Sailor Moon dolls, Mr. Adventure goes on another damn ghost hunt, and the secret life of Waffles and Chainsaw finally revealed.

Did you ever get that issue I sent you a while back? I would love to see your view on it.

Lonestarr
04-22-2010, 07:02 PM
- Summer 2001. Atlantis: The Lost Empire is just as boring as it looks,

Way harsh!

Still, congrats on the reconciliation.

J. B. Warner
04-23-2010, 11:17 AM
Bet you didn't think "Disney Adventures" and "sexy" could ever be spoken in the same sentence, did you? That's 'cause you haven't read December 1992!

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And yet, just like Barbara Eden 25 years prior, they still can't show Cindy Crawford's navel. (Which is ironic, considering this month's Joe Rocket.)

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Boy, there's just no end to the evil that runs through Pete's veins, is there? You would think he'd have calmed down after marrying Peg and opening the used car lot, but there you are.

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I wanna know what Megan Brehmer's thought process was. "Oh no, we've got more pennies than we're supposed to! Is the IRS going to get involved?"
Jenny and Leah Campbell don't know how lucky they are. I think it's high on every nerd's bucket list to meet Chewbacca in person.

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"Boy, we can't wait for Elijah Wood and Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son! What fun that will be, right?"
Ironically, when I was a kid, I saw Home Alone 2: Lost in New York before I saw the original Home Alone. And when you see the second one first, it's really hard for the first one to measure up, 'cause 2 took the premise to such comedic extremes. My dad still laughs like a loon whenever Daniel Stern gets beaned with a brick.

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Say what you will about the man's temperament, I'd be honored to get a phone call from Billy West. That'd be like getting to talk to Mel Blanc or Daws Butler back in the '50s.

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I can't look at this ad without getting a little creeped out, knowing that there are people on the Internet who would totally get off on the image of Babs tied up with rope.

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It's Christmas time again, and that means one thing - toys. Oh, and brotherhood and love for your fellow man, whatever. What better way to test the most annoying toys of the holiday season? Let the most annoying man in the world play with them.

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Ah, just what I needed to get Carrot Top's rubbery mug out of my mind. This is the most skin you'll ever see in DA, boys, so enjoy Cindy while she lasts.
You know, now that she mentions it, you never did see Michael Jackson in jeans and a t-shirt, did you? It was always sequined jackets and sparkly shoes, no matter what the occasion (concert, premiere party, court summons, etc.). I don't think that guy even had an "off" button.

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From 1994 to 1996, Disney Adventures would celebrate the release of a new Disney animated film by reprinting the entire graphic novel adaptation. For Aladdin, though, they only printed a couple of pages - which is probably for the better, as once again, these things have to gloss over the musical numbers, and music was such a huge part of Aladdin. "One Jump Ahead" gets condensed down to one panel; I shudder to think what they did to "Friend Like Me".

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Bah, you think you're cold? Try livin' on the planet's butt sometime! This month's Big Adventure is all about life at the North Pole and the South Pole - and the way they laid it out offered no end of confusion on my part about how to scan it.

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Yep, someone finally asked Joe Rocket the bellybutton question. I can picture the DA editors sweating it out in their cubicles going "Hmm, how do we dance around this?" I can also picture a number of kids who still believed the stork story asking "Mom, what's a uterus?"

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Is your pet nuts? Does he chase his tail? Does he arch his back and hiss? Does he sit in a rocking chair wearing a raincoat, knitting mittens in August and talking about how the Swedish are coming?

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In the '80s, you went skateboarding. In the '90s, you went rollerblading. Either way, it's a great way to get some exercise and risk busting up your kneecaps for life.

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This month's really long comic story is a "DuckTales" yarn that could practically be an episode of the show; it's just that in-depth. A kitchen fire results in the loss of Pete, Scrooge's pot of sourdough pancake mix starter, so it's off to the Klondike to find Pancake Sam to replace it. The things some people will go through to get breakfast. Me, I just pour myself a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and I'm ready to roll, and I don't have to trudge halfway across Canada to do it.

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Ha! Remember when the Disney Channel was still a premium cable network, and you had to pay like $20 extra to get it, and they did these week-long preview things every Thanksgiving to get you to buy it? And they'd interrupt the show at every commercial break with that room full of perky telephone operators telling you to call the 800 number on your screen? And then 13 years later, you're sitting through the fifth straight episode of "The Suite Life on Deck" and you think "I wish they'd go back to being on only one week out of the year."

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PHUGHHHHHHE!

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Why do I get the feeling this was what inspired some poor depraved soul to make Theodore Rex?

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Color me surprised that they're plugging a Batman Returns Tiger handheld in a kids' magazine - or that a Batman Returns Tiger handheld even exists at all. Despite its Christmas setting, the movie actually came out in the summer of '92, which means all the controversy surrounding its relentlessly dark atmosphere had already gotten everyone's attention. I actually don't blame the movie for being so gritty - there's no other way anyone would have taken a villain like the Penguin seriously. Let's see Burgess Meredith bite a guy's nose off.

mobo85
04-23-2010, 01:11 PM
Actually, DinoCity was itself based on a movie. Yeah.

One of Charles Schulz's daughters was a spokesperson for Rollerblade. I seem to recall she was even in a Disney Adventures. (Yeah, this is the second time in a row I've brought up Charles Schulz. These things just happen. It's an interesting coincidence.)

There's actually a scene in that Michael Jackson concert movie where he's practicing or something and he's wearing casual clothes like a T-shirt with Popeye as a gangsta rapper or something on it. It does seem VERY strange to see the Gloved One in regular clothes.

Peter Paltridge
04-23-2010, 02:04 PM
Go into any JC Penney now and you will see giant photos of the present-day Cindy Crawford's face. Guess what? Her famous mole is gone. She said she would never have it removed since she "believed in natural beauty" and "the scar would be worse." Did she change her mind or did it just fall off?

I thought "PUGHHHHE" was a bizarre way to spell the Coyote's impact noise too, even if that's closer to what it sounds like. "Thud" or "Smack" would have done it.

When was there a "DinoCity" movie, Mobo? Dinosaurs seemed to get the stupidest video game attempts to be "cool." If JB hasn't scanned it already, there was another I remember that yelled "WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SKATEBOARDING, KARATE-KICKING, OUT OF CONTROL DINOSAUR IS COMING STRAIGHT AT YOU????? Get out of his way." I just laughed at that. The poor suits that spent a fortune on that thing......

Kitschensyngk
04-23-2010, 02:46 PM
I understand a "wham" or a "splat". What on Earth kind of noise is "phughhhhhhe" supposed to be?

weirdwolf of london
04-23-2010, 03:24 PM
When was there a "DinoCity" movie, Mobo?

http://www.coldfusionvideo.com/archives/adventures-in-dinosaur-city-1992/

Yeah, that Bonkers comic weirded me out for two reasons:
1. The pet horn could suddenly talk!
2. Him and bonkers were doing the "Now? Not yet!" bit from Beany and Cecil!

J.E.Smith
04-23-2010, 08:40 PM
Actually, I think "phughhhhhhe" might be trying to spell out the noise the Road Runner makes when he sticks out his tounge.

mobo85
04-23-2010, 09:29 PM
It's probably meant to mimic the sound of splashing water, since the Coyote fell in a river. If the Road Runner wanted to get a word in, he'd most likely use his signature "Beep Beep!"

J. B. Warner
04-30-2010, 01:31 PM
Relationship update: girlfriend and I had long talk last night; long story short, I'm single again (for real this time). But hey, I'm not here to bore you with my personal life! Let's get going again with Summer 2001!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_01.jpg
Atlantis: The Lost Empire - the most exciting, epic adventure Disney has ever produced!...Or at least it was supposed to be.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_02.jpg
At last, a world you control! As opposed to the original Game Boy and the Game Boy Color, which you had no control over whatsoever, I guess.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_03.jpg
Oh God, I saw this in theaters, and it was awful. You know how every celebrity has that one humiliating moment in their career when you realize they've hit rock bottom? This was it for Jeff Goldblum. I can't watch The Fly or Jurassic Park anymore without hearing "Our team is red hot! Your team ain't doodley-squat!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_04.jpg
"Oh, Homestar, I don't think I can eat this! It's just too cute!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_05.jpg
I would advise Andrew C. to stay away from the Loch Ness Monster. Unless he's willing to give up $3.50.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_06.jpg
Ooh, wow, lots of stuff to say about this page...
Did that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" animated series ever get off the ground? I can't imagine it going over too well.
Willa Ford is another celebrity to add to the What-The-Hell-Happened-To-Them File. On the plus side, though, when celebrities fall out of the public eye long after their careers are over, that generally means they're stayin' out of trouble, so I guess good for her. "I wanna be bad witcha, baby/I, I, I-I-I, I..."
Shades of Britney: perfect for hiding dilated pupils from the paparazzi.
I think "All Grown Up" would have been a lot less annoying if it had remained a one-shot special and not been turned into a series.
Also, "Samurai Jack" is awesome.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_07.jpg
I miss Toon Disney. I was a huge Disney Afternoon-o-phile when I was a kid, so I was dying for a chance to see "Goof Troop" and "Darkwing Duck" and all the rest again. And my dad never actually ordered the channel. He made it quite clear that he didn't like me watching kids' cartoons. C'mon, I was 14, that's still pretty darn immature!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_08.jpg
Let's dive right in, shall we? (u c wut i did thar?)
One thing that initially threw me about Atlantis is its overstuffed cast of characters. These guys look like they were dumped right out of a box labeled "The Usual Band of Misfits". Also, I haven't seen characters with names this unwieldy since Southland Tales.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_09.jpg
Check out all the awesome technology the Atlanteans have!...Which they don't know how to use because they can't read their own language. DUHHHHH!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_10.jpg
Speaking of which, here's how easy it really is. I think "Futurama" did it better, don't you?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_11.jpg
By 2001, everybody was absolutely sick of N'Sync, and for good reason. As evidenced by this alphabetic article, they'd invaded just about every aspect of American culture, from clothing design to feature films. You can tell your grandkids about what a harrowing time the Boy Band Age was.
Also, who the hell is Meredith Edwards? I guess she wasn't the next LeAnn Rimes after all, whatever that means.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_12.jpg
Razor Freestyle Scooter! From the makers of Segway Racing 2K1!
They could bring this back, actually, now that Razor scooters are hip again. (I swear, it's like the decade reset itself.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_13.jpg
Hey, kid, it's just friggin' gum.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_14.jpg
The Comic Zone is overtaken by the crew of the Ulysses this month. I believe this is an example of what's called "subconscious plagiarism" - about four years after this issue, I worked on a comic series that was set on an undersea exploration sub, and the main character was the ship's janitor, Carla Vasquez. And only now that I've taken a look at this issue again do I realize that I inadvertently ripped off Audrey Ramirez. The girls even had the exact same outfit. I guess it's good that the comic never went anywhere.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_15.jpg
There are four Atlantis stories in this issue, but each one picks up from where the previous one left off, which makes me wonder why they bothered to split them up in the first place.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_16.jpg
I think I prefer the "Rocko's Modern Life" theory about what happens to socks that get lost in the dryer. Either that, or Jerry Seinfeld's idea. ("Off they go down the road! Da-da-da, da-da-da-da...get buttons sewn on their face and join a puppet show...")

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_17.jpg
The most I can say about Smackers is that my sister once had one that tasted like vanilla, and she thought it tasted so good that she actually ate some of it. Girls are weird.

Peter Paltridge
04-30-2010, 02:04 PM
Relationship update: girlfriend and I had long talk last night; long story short, I'm single again (for real this time).
Fool me twice, shame on me. You'll be back together again in ten minutes.


Atlantis: The Lost Empire - the most exciting, epic adventure Disney has ever produced!...Or at least it was supposed to be.
You can blame the excessive meddling from countless guys in ties for the floppiness of this movie. They kept redoing scenes and cutting the budget so that many of the more spectacular ideas were never completed.


I miss Toon Disney.
The only time I got to see Toon Disney, at least in its prime, was during several days at the beach. I videotaped the whole experience. Yes, "Disney Afternoon: The Channel" was great while it lasted.


I believe this is an example of what's called "subconscious plagiarism" - about four years after this issue, I worked on a comic series that was set on an undersea exploration sub, and the main character was the ship's janitor, Carla Vasquez. And only now that I've taken a look at this issue again do I realize that I inadvertently ripped off Audrey Ramirez. The girls even had the exact same outfit. I guess it's good that the comic never went anywhere.
I wanna see this.

WaggonerCartoons
04-30-2010, 03:58 PM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_08.jpg
Let's dive right in, shall we? (u c wut i did thar?)
One thing that initially threw me about Atlantis is its overstuffed cast of characters. These guys look like they were dumped right out of a box labeled "The Usual Band of Misfits". Also, I haven't seen characters with names this unwieldy since Southland Tales.


"Hey Babsy, check out the leftovers."

John Pannozzi
04-30-2010, 10:55 PM
Did you know Magica DeSpell has a niece named Minima? Well, for the purposes of this story, she does. One thing I've noticed about Disney Adventures' "DuckTales" comics is that someone on staff sure liked to get Magica all wet. (Yeah, like I'm one to talk.)

I'ma go check for info on Minima on the Inducks (http://inducks.org/) web site...

Checking...

Turns out this story was her debut, but it wasn't her last appearance (http://coa.inducks.org/character.php?c=Minima&view=4&c1=date).




Any kid who set foot in a library in the '90s will recognize the "READ" campaign, wherein celebrities pose with their favorite books. I always thought it seemed like kind of a last-ditch effort, what with the huge capital letters and nothing else. It's like they're grabbing America's youth by the shoulders and screaming "READ, DAMMIT!"

I remember an ad with the Simpsons:
Homer: What are those stupid square things?
Marge: They're called books, Homer.



http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0491_15.jpg

"...always check behind closed doors and windows for missing children."
KABOOM
That was the sound of my head exploding from the sheer overload of joke possibilities. (It's been almost a year, I think it's okay now.)

And note the review of the hard as hell but fun Little Nemo game that was based the very troubled American/Japanese animated film based in turn on the classic comic strip.


"Reading opens up amazing worlds of excitement and adventure! But these worlds are products of their time, and some of them may depict the ethnic and racial stereotypes that were commonplace in American society. Now, these depictions were wrong then, and they're wrong today..."
Hey, Jesse, remember that it was actually your idol Greg Ford who wrote that somewhat insulting intro that Whoopi gave on the Looney Tunes Golden Collection vol. 3. That, combined with the fact on his commentary to the Old Grey Hare he not only badmouthed Tiny Toons, but also apparently confused it with Baby Looney Tunes (even if you absolutely despise TTA, you have to admit that it's an entirely different flavor of classic cartoon bowlderization than BLT or Loonatics for that matter) kinda makes me think twice about him...




http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1292_05.jpg
Say what you will about the man's temperament, I'd be honored to get a phone call from Billy West. That'd be like getting to talk to Mel Blanc or Daws Butler back in the '50s.

Indeed. And how cool is it that they mentioned "Better Off Dead", a 1980s comedy cult favorite film which (like "One Crazy Summer", which also starred John Cusack) was director by Savage Steve Holland, who also created Eek the Cat. Man, how heartwarming it is to think a person who directed a couple charming, quirky live-action films from the 1980s (call me crazy, but between Holland's films, early John Hughes films like "The Breakfast Club", a wide variety of memorable horror films ranging from "A Nightmare on Elm Street" to many horror comedies from the likes of Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson and the Troma Team, great Joe Dante films like "Gremlins", "Amazon Women on the Moon" and "Innerspace, and some iconic tentpole films like "E.T.", "Ghostbusters" and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", I must say that I have a great love for the cinema from the so-called decade of excesss) went to create a beloved animated series from the 1990s (need I go on about how much the '90s were a prosperous decade for animation?).



http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1292_06.jpg
I can't look at this ad without getting a little creeped out, knowing that there are people on the Internet who would totally get off on the image of Babs tied up with rope.

I have a great fondness for that game as it was the very first video game for a portable system that I ever bought back in 1998 (IRRC I bought before I even had a Game Boy).


Ha! Remember when the Disney Channel was still a premium cable network, and you had to pay like $20 extra to get it, and they did these week-long preview things every Thanksgiving to get you to buy it? And they'd interrupt the show at every commercial break with that room full of perky telephone operators telling you to call the 800 number on your screen? And then 13 years later, you're sitting through the fifth straight episode of "The Suite Life on Deck" and you think "I wish they'd go back to being on only one week out of the year."

I remember all too well.



http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1292_17.jpg
Why do I get the feeling this was what inspired some poor depraved soul to make Theodore Rex?

As previously mentioned, Dino City was based on the film Adventures in Dinosaur City (also known as Dinosaurs, as I guess they were trying to cash in on the ABC-TV series of the same name that started right around the same time). I actually Lisa Morton, Halloween expert, model maker on Close Encounters and the first Star Trek movie, and co-writer of the Dinosaur City movie, and among other things, she told me she had nothing to do with the game. So, I'm afraid I don't have any inside stories about this game to share with the interwebs.


Relationship update: girlfriend and I had long talk last night; long story short, I'm single again (for real this time).

Somehow I have a feeling just might work out in the end for you two, but I digress.



Atlantis: The Lost Empire - the most exciting, epic adventure Disney has ever produced!...Or at least it was supposed to be.

Although I have yet to see the film in it's entirety, "Atlantis" actually piques my interest more than many other films in the Disney Feature Animation Canon (especially around that time period) for two reasons:

1) Design work on the film was done by comics legend Mike Mignola (he created a little something that you might have heard of called Hellboy), although his designs were tweaked so much that the final designs look nothing like Mignola's usual style.

2) The "Team Atlantis" TV series that was unfortunatly canceled midway through production when the film flopped fascinates me. The show's crew included such all-stars as the aformentioned Mike Mignola, Tad Stones (whose resume includes Darkwing Duck..nuff said. Interestingly, Stones' relationship with Mignola on this project led to Stones helming the Hellboy Animated films. And believe it or not, Stones pitched a prime time Hellboy animated series to Disney back in 1996, and it was turned down due to not being enough like the Simpsons.), Greg Weisman (the visionary behind Gargoyles, the Spectacular Spider-Man TV series, and the new comic book Mecha-Nation), and IIRC Greg Guler (character designer on more Disney TV cartoons than you can shake a stick at). The show was even supposed to feature a guest appearance by Demona from Gargoyles! (http://gargoyles.dracandros.com/Team_Atlantis) (And, no Atlantis and Gargoyles do not share the same fictional universe). The only vestiage of the show to ever see the light of day was the DTV compilation film Milo's Return, which I've heard wasn't so good (but I'd still be far more willing to buy/rent/watch it than I would most other direct-to-video animated productions from Disney).




Oh God, I saw this in theaters, and it was awful. You know how every celebrity has that one humiliating moment in their career when you realize they've hit rock bottom? This was it for Jeff Goldblum. I can't watch The Fly or Jurassic Park anymore without hearing "Our team is red hot! Your team ain't doodley-squat!"
Now that I think about it, Goldblum hasn't been in anything I've watched for a while. Shame, he's a very distinct actor.


http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_04.jpg
"Oh, Homestar, I don't think I can eat this! It's just too cute!"
Doesn't the one on the lower left look like Bullwinkle?


Ooh, wow, lots of stuff to say about this page...
Did that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" animated series ever get off the ground? I can't imagine it going over too well.

The Buffy cartoon was never made (but they did produce a short but intriguing promo pilot (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnUvZP7-5LM)), and you can find more info here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffy_the_Animated_Series).




I think "All Grown Up" would have been a lot less annoying if it had remained a one-shot special and not been turned into a series.
Funny, I feel the exact opposite. I didn't think of the "All Growed Up" special, but the episodes "All Grown Up" I saw were actually pretty good.



Also, "Samurai Jack" is awesome.
Naturally (and I hope the animated film comes out sometime before I die). BTW, Jesse, did you ever the Star Wars: Clone Wars miniseries? Funny that its considered to be better thought out than the actual prequels.



I miss Toon Disney. I was a huge Disney Afternoon-o-phile when I was a kid, so I was dying for a chance to see "Goof Troop" and "Darkwing Duck" and all the rest again. And my dad never actually ordered the channel. He made it quite clear that he didn't like me watching kids' cartoons. C'mon, I was 14, that's still pretty darn immature!
I miss Toon Disney, too. However, I must say that I'm rather upset that Toon Disney censored their shows quite abit (something that the Cartoon Network seldom did to their shows, aside from anime and the occasional controversal theatrical shorts), and these edited versions are the ones you're most likely find on the net...



Let's dive right in, shall we? (u c wut i did thar?)

I know, because I was FROZEN TODAY!



One thing that initially threw me about Atlantis is its overstuffed cast of characters. These guys look like they were dumped right out of a box labeled "The Usual Band of Misfits". Also, I haven't seen characters with names this unwieldy since Southland Tales.
Ahh, Southland Tales, a film that sticks in my due to the fact that my main man Kevin Smith produced a comic book tie-in.

Peter Paltridge
05-01-2010, 03:39 AM
The Buffy cartoon was never made (but they did produce a short but intriguing promo pilot (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnUvZP7-5LM)), and you can find more info here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffy_the_Animated_Series).
That's awful. The jokes are bad, her voice is flat, and the designs don't work for me. It's too bad because a Buffy cartoon could still work; there is still interest after all this time, and it could be easily revived this way, with the animated freedom to do just about anything.

Adult Swim would be the perfect home, if they made anything other than stoner comedies and the occasional Boondocks season.




Quote 1

Buffy realizes she's eaten her Mother's breakfast by mistake. She holds up the last bite of bagel and, instead of saying, "there's a bite left," she says: BUFFY There's a remnant.

Quote 2

Buffy has just inappropriately used her Slayer-Strength on the volleyball court, so she vows to restrain herself: BUFFY Sure. Okay. I can hold back. Call me Dairy Queen, 'cuz here comes a soft serve. (then) Sorry, that was kinda lame.
Yeah, you should apologize. Her remarks in this thing sound more like they're coming out of DiC's Sabrina than Buffy.

dlmx-13
05-01-2010, 05:06 AM
Wow, someone finally leaked that pilot after all this time, huh? It certainly does look lame. I saw the designs a long time ago and didn't like them then - and they don't look any better in motion. Despite all this, I probably still would have watched it, because anything post-season 3 Buffy doesn't really work for me - I enjoyed the series much more when the characters were trying to juggle going to school and fighting monsters, dealing with all sorts of teenage angst as they did so. As in - the episodes where fighting monsters could be considered a metaphor for teenage angst. (The proposed animated episode about the demon driver's ed teacher sounds like a fantastic idea to me - but that might just be because I had a complete ***** of a driver's ed teacher myself!) Season 4 onwards has none of that, and is therefore much less interesting to me. It's also just full of half-baked ideas and characters, including Riley, who has the personality of a doorknob.

By the way, Dino City was actually a pretty fun game. I didn't know it was based on a movie at the time.

Ekkostar
05-01-2010, 10:09 AM
Since I do have some extensive music knowledge, I may as well bring it to the table in this thread because I find old Disney Adventures issues so darn INTERESTING! :anime:

Usher never had an album titled All About U, it was actually titled '8701'. At first I thought the article was referring to Confessions, but that didn't surface until 2004.

J. B. Warner
05-01-2010, 01:08 PM
It's time for X-tra X-citement on an unX-plainable level! Presenting February 1995!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_01.jpg
Can you X-tricate yourself from the inX-plicable X-tacy of this X-traordinary -- okay, I'll stop now.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_02.jpg
Dude. crumbled up cookies taste great on anything. Applesauce, ice cream, fettucini alfredo, filet mignon...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_03.jpg
Cat orgy!
Michelle Blanton and Mary Carlisle are obviously very big Woodstock fans. Except they apparently missed the memo that the festival happened in 1969. *coughposerscough*

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_04.jpg
Who's gonna tell DA that Superman lives in Metropolis, not New York City? (And shouldn't they know that already?)
Slang Patrol, you're a national treasure. I can't help but suspect that some kids were making this stuff up just to mess with them. However, at least one of these is legit - I always wondered where "buya" came from. (And all these years, I thought it was spelled "boo-yah".)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_05.jpg
Now you can access Disney Adventures on the In-Tar-Net! On your very own Com-Pew-Tor!
I dunno, reading Disney Adventures online? I don't think anybody would go for it...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_06.jpg
X-amples of X-treme X-hilaration are X-hibited in this -- sorry, that's the last time, I promise.
When I was a kid, I didn't read "X-Men". In fact, I still don't - my only major exposure to them has been through the movie and whenever Linkara brings them up. So when I first got this issue, this whole article was one big "tl;dr".

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_07.jpg
Also included is a brief gallery of a few of the more popular mutants in candid moments. It looks like Wolverine's claws have been digitally erased here, which is a real head-scratcher - that's kinda his whole gimmick right there.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_08.jpg
Here's the results of the 1994 DA Music Awards, and -- GAH! Steven Tyler will be haunting my nightmares for a week now.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_09.jpg
Also, here's another one of those things where they try to predict which musical acts will be big in the coming year. Surprisingly, they got more than half of them right - everyone on the left page went on to either moderate or extreme success. The right page, though, is full of the usual bunch of nobodies. Especially Me'shell NdegéOcello; it's hard to make a name for yourself when nobody can even pronounce it.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_10.jpg
This month's Big Adventure is all about mummies and ancient Egypt. The history of curses and stuff is nice, but the real highlight is this step-by-step instructional guide on how to make your own mummy. Now when the family pet dies, you can still keep it in the family forever!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_11.jpg
It is a lot of fun to see the underdog win - unless you're one of the thousands of people who bet on Tyson to drop Douglas in round 1.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_12.jpg
Here's a jumbly Weird Yet True for ya. I'm 6'1", so I guess that rules out whatever hopes I had of becoming an astronaut. Guess it's back to cartooning for me!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_13.jpg
Between January and March 1995, Disney Adventures printed Evan Dorkin's "Kid Blastoff", which I think is a phenomenally underrated chapter in the history of the Comic Zone. Kid Blastoff himself is an arrogant wannabe superhero who lacks both the physical and mental prowess to do anything right, and all his problems end up being solved by his ship's mechanic Lucy, whom I swear is the older sister of Frida Suarez from "El Tigré".

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_14.jpg
In fact, Dorkin seemed to predict the existence of a lot of later cartoon characters, what with Professor Membrane and Handy Manny's talking tools there.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_15.jpg
In this two-part "Aladdin" story, Aladdin goes to obtain a legendary gold monkey statue so he can exchange it for a pendant for Jasmine. But the monkey is guarded by an giant enchanted stone ape who comes to life when the monkey is removed. Sheesh, isn't that always the way?
This concept of "huge idol that comes to life when its key item is removed" was reworked eight years later in a Jet Pack Pets comic. Naturally, Aladdin did it so much better.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_16.jpg
ADAMANTIUM RAAAGE! *punch*

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_17.jpg
Apparently, someone at Disney decided to take the concept of Zazu's pun-filled morning report from The Lion King and stretch it out into an entire book. At this point, though, I was coming dangerously close to that point in my childhood when question-and-answer jokes were not funny anymore.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0295_18.jpg
As you can probably guess, I really wanted this game. But I wasn't very confident in my skills as a gamer, so I knew I didn't want to play as the Road Runner just in case I lost - the idea of the Coyote actually winning was unfathomable to me. Didn't really matter anyway, though, as my parents would never have bought me a Sega Genesis to begin with.

Kitschensyngk
05-01-2010, 08:24 PM
"Save the Fro"? "Boybandtopia"? Euugh. Dark days, indeed.

veemonjosh
05-03-2010, 10:23 PM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/070801_04.jpg

"Do the la la la la la la la~"

Peter Paltridge
05-19-2010, 03:23 AM
http://tombancroft.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d2fl0xg
Hey JB, did this comic ever run in DA?

J. B. Warner
05-25-2010, 01:01 PM
As far as I know, it did not - unless it's in one of the Comic Zone specials that I didn't bother to collect.

Anyway, let's rocket right along with April 1998...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_01.jpg
This one's kind of a milestone - it's the last issue ever to feature the "celebrity and a Disney character" cover format. Which is a shame, 'cause I would have liked to see other Pixar characters make the cover. I look at the dull covers from 1999 and think how much more interesting they'd be if Flik and Heimlich were sitting on the Backstreet Boys' shoulders.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_02.jpg
I swear, I could eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch every morning for the rest of my life and I'd be perfectly okay with that. That stuff rocks.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_03.jpg
I wonder which issue of Disney Adventures most closely corresponds to my life. I guess it'd be June 1994 - I saw The Flintstones in theaters, I have a crazy interest in animation, and big bugs like Ted's older brother in Bone creep me the hell out.
Also, that might just be the worst drawing DA ever received from a reader. It's either a submarine or a barracuda with a paper mill strapped to its back.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_04.jpg
Once again, I have a hard time believing any kid actually said any of this stuff. "Gutter bunny" just sounds dirty. And when I hear "Bacon", the first thing that jumps into my mind is the DVD commentary for Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_05.jpg
Okay, here's a head scratcher for you - who makes a creepier Mad Hatter, Johnny Depp or Dennis Rodman?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_06.jpg
AAAAGH. I saw this movie in theaters, and it was AWFUL. I thought it was going to be one of those wacky talking animal comedies that kids my age loved so much, but it turned out to be this long boring emotional drama. About a talking parrot and the little girl from the Pepsi commercials. The Nostalgia Critic really needs to dig into this one.

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Speaking of the Nostalgia Critic...
Matt LeBlanc is not a movie star. He's barely even a TV star. I'm one of those people who think "Friends" is among the unfunniest sitcoms in television history, so taking one of its most annoying actors and putting him in a big dumb movie based on a big dumb TV show from the '60s is just asking for trouble.

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I really don't care about the TV version of "Lost in Space", but I do know that the robot is one of those iconic sci-fi characters that everyone is familiar with. So what does the movie do? Turns him EXTREEEEEME, of course. "Danger! Danger! My hooks are flailing wildly!"

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This is my favorite article in this issue. As for the question of whether I'd rather live in the real world or Movie World, that's kind of a no-brainer. In Movie World, rags-to-riches success stories are as common as houseflies, everybody drives awesome cars, and I could go out with Jessica Alba.

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Check out these funny movie mistakes!...Once you're old enough to actually watch any these movies, that is.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_11.jpg
What better way to show your individuality than by dressing exactly like people on TV?
On a tangentially related subject, in 1998 I was in sixth grade, and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was still kind of new. And there was this one obnoxious kid in my class who had a huge crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar. My talent for drawing was already pretty well known around school, and so he'd ask me every day to draw a picture of her...naked. I never acquiesced, for obvious reasons. (Then he got shipped off to military school and I never saw him again.)

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And remember, if you want to dress like Kenan and Kel, don't forget the boxing gloves.

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Remember, Michael Weiss, if you ever have doubt in your ability to perfect that quadruple lutz, just ask yourself that very important question: "What would Brian Boitano do?"

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Eat, Burp, Puke. I understand that'll be Elizabeth Gilbert's next memoir.

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The Comics Zone kicks off this month with a four-page Peter Pan comic that's actually just an advertisement for the movie's then-recent VHS re-release. But it's noteworthy for containing what might be the only officially Disney-sanctioned Tinkerbell panty shot.

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This Timon and Pumbaa comic is boring enough as it is, with its age-old conceit of a stereotypically fat character trying to lose weight. But check out that ugly artwork. I could draw a better Timon with my left hand.

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This is the next-to-last Bone installment to appear in Disney Adventures, wherein we finally learn why Phoney and his brothers got run out of Boneville. And here's a testament to how good a storyteller Jeff Smith is - even though this is very wordy and there's not much going on in the scene, he still paints such a vivid picture with Fone Bone's words that you remain interested in what's basically a three-page infodump. There's no end to this guy's talent!

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Around the time I saw this ad, I actually tried to draw a picture with my Toaster Strudel icing at breakfast one morning. I swear, it's freakin' impossible.

Peter Paltridge
05-25-2010, 01:37 PM
I'm sorry you saw Paulie in theaters. I waited for the video and I didn't like it then, either. Dreamworks pulled a bait-and-switch on everyone. Some of the scenes in the trailer weren't even in the movie.

In a later issue they asked kids what would happen if Buffy and Sabrina fought each other. The most accurate submission was, "they wouldn't fight." The second most accurate was, "Buffy would kick Sabrina and then Sabrina would turn her into a frog. Fight over."

J. B. Warner
05-26-2010, 11:01 AM
And now it's time for another look at the era of no substance whatsoever! Presenting March 2006!

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It's like the DA editors were completely lost without some new Disney movie to promote. The bulk of this issue is taken up by an extended Comic Zone and a heavy helping of fluff. It's like they had two servings of a magazine that they had to stretch out for eight people.

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I've never heard anything described as "squeezably delicious" before, and to be honest, I liked it better that way.

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The reader feedback on these Who Would Win things is always hysterical. Every kid has their own criteria for what makes one character better, be it who their costars are or how many forms of media they appear in. In this case, I'm going to judge by who I think is hotter. Anne Hathaway wins hands down.

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Speaking of hot, I know Betty's obviously wearing some strapless thing here, but that's not what it looks like.

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These things where DA pretends to interview an animated character tend to get annoying. Remember when they'd actually seek out the people behind the scenes and talk to them about production stories and not treat their readers like idiots? I know, it was a long time ago...

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Not since "The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones" has there been a cartoon crossover so awkward, so pointless, so thoroughly unnecessary!

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Golly, what a striking likeness of Tim Allen!
Also, why the heck would a mailman carry perfume? Or are there things about Alvin Blunt that I don't want to know?

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This Incredibles comic is surprisingly dynamic for something this late in the magazine's run. I'm thinking the Parrs should be on hand the next time the world's scientists decide to fire up the Hadron Collider. Y'know, just in case.

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So why is AnnaSophia Robb reading to Sprocket from "Fraggle Rock"?

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Look, DA, I'm only going to say this one more time: there is nothing inherently funny about the fact that Rufus is a naked mole rat. Seriously, "Kim Possible" is one of the most richly populated action cartoons of the past decade, with a brilliantly diverse gallery of villains and a heroine who can literally do anything, and yet you keep turning out one-page gags about the rodent. Sheesh...

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At least this Lilo and Stitch comic makes up for it. Now this is how you do character-driven stuff!

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The Shaggy Dog stuff continues into a brief interview with Spencer Breslin and this chart of other shaggy-haired celebrities. I don't know who's the shaggiest, but I know in terms of quality, Billie Joe Armstrong runs circles around the rest of 'em.

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Radio Disney should just stop trying. Their name has become synonymous with aggravating bubblegum crap that nobody likes. I legitimately feel sorry for all the thousands of parents who have to listen to this while their kids are in the car.

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And then there's three of these One-Minute Mystery things randomly thrown into the magazine. There's usually only one per issue, but this time, we get a triple shot to disguise the fact that they only had one real article to work with this month. (Actually, I think I'm beginning to realize why Disney Adventures crapped out a little more than a year after this issue.)

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Can you match each Titan with the description of the powers that they're clearly exhibiting in the photos on the right side of the page? Bet you can't!

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Out of context, these illustrations would be head-scratchingly funny. And they did a lot of these kinds of puzzles over the years - it'd be cool if there's a gallery somewhere where all these pictures are hanging, and people are looking at them trying to figure out why a witch is drinking soda or why someone put out a $1000 reward for a dresser drawer.

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Hey, kid. Want some fairy dust? First one's free; the second one'll cost ya.

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Sorry, but some characters just weren't meant to be badass, and the M&Ms are definitely among them.
Also, what the blue hell is a lava monkey?

Peter Paltridge
05-26-2010, 02:13 PM
I though fairy dust came from fairy butts.

WaggonerCartoons
05-26-2010, 04:41 PM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0498_17.jpg
This is the next-to-last Bone installment to appear in Disney Adventures, wherein we finally learn why Phoney and his brothers got run out of Boneville. And here's a testament to how good a storyteller Jeff Smith is - even though this is very wordy and there's not much going on in the scene, he still paints such a vivid picture with Fone Bone's words that you remain interested in what's basically a three-page infodump. There's no end to this guy's talent!



This scene that comes soon after this is one of my favorite moments in the Bone series.

"Is that when they ran you out of town?"
"No, that's when the bad prunes kicked in."




http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0306_06.jpg
Not since "The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones" has there been a cartoon crossover so awkward, so pointless, so thoroughly unnecessary!


I remember seeing the ad for the first of these specials, and my first reaction was "Wha?". I admit the ideal of putting these two shows together does sound crazy, but the first two specials were actually okay the second one being the best of the bunch since there is more interaction between the characters. I definetly knew that when they made the third one(yes there is a third one, the commercial for it even aired when second one premiered) they were pushing it, the third one has possibly some of the worse writing in cartoon history.

Also one thing to note while in the ads Jimmy and TImmy stayed in their original forms (Jimmy being 3D and Timmy being 2D) even when in the others world in the specials Jimmy goes 2D when entering Timmy's world and vise-versa.

Planty
05-26-2010, 06:51 PM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0306_13.jpg

Remember kiddies, the reason your parents know "Do You Believe In Magic" isn't Aly & AJ, it's "The Lovin' Spoonfuls"

Kitschensyngk
05-26-2010, 09:14 PM
I though fairy dust came from fairy butts.

Nah, I'll tell you where it REALLY comes from...

You know that trail of sparkles she makes as she's flying around?

Well, let's just say that generic brand dandruff shampoos don't always work...

Wanna buy that book NOW? :evil:

8tucker7
05-27-2010, 07:51 AM
Nah, I'll tell you where it REALLY comes from...

You know that trail of sparkles she makes as she's flying around?

Well, let's just say that generic brand dandruff shampoos don't always work...

Wanna buy that book NOW? :evil:

So, it's dandruff? Is that what your saying?

Lonestarr
05-27-2010, 09:02 AM
"Long and boring"? Was I rerouted to the IMDb message boards by mistake?

I don't know what movie you saw, but the Paulie I saw was a sweet movie. Why should the Nostalgia Critic bother with this when he hasn't even touched Cop and a Half? Doesn't seem right to me.

8tucker7
05-27-2010, 09:26 PM
As far as I know, it did not - unless it's in one of the Comic Zone specials that I didn't bother to collect.

It ran in the February 2005 issue. I checked myself.

J. B. Warner
05-27-2010, 10:43 PM
It ran in the February 2005 issue. I checked myself.

Well, I'll be damned. You're right! (My mistake - I don't really have the 2000s issues as ingrained in my mind as I do the 1990s issues.)

Speaking of which, let's jump into an issue that has lots more to say than the last one did. Presenting my longest article to date: September 1993!

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This was the third regular issue I ever got, and so it's one of those that seems to have a nostalgic memory on every page. It helps that there's just so much packed into this one, too...

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It's like a cross between Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter, only with wrestlers and samurai warriors. What's not to love?

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Angela DiNello and Andrew Graham practice the age-old art of sucking up to the DA editors to ensure that their letters get printed.
Sounds like Lindsay Reese is in the midst of a tornado warning. She can't die yet, she doesn't even know what century it is!
And yet another name-drop of The Good Son before it actually came out. Before you tell a 12-year-old to see a movie, you should first probably make sure Macaulay Culkin doesn't swear in it.

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First time I made chocolate milk with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup, I made the mistake of refrigerating the syrup first, so it all just sat there at the bottom of the glass in big brown clumps. What a m_r_n.

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Finally, Slang Patrol has some legitimate phrases in it! Although I don't know if anyone's ever said "grandma's teeth" in an effort to be cool.
"Hey, hey, hey"? I'm guessing the kids at Haleiwa Elementary are very into either "What's Happening!!" or "Fat Albert".

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More info about Radio AAHS, which resurfaced in DA in 1995 through an advertisement that appeared in several issues. Wow, the DJs make five whole bucks an hour! No wonder they're ridin' around in limousines all the time. "To the arcade, Jeeves!"

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Knowing that Pauly Shore gets his clothes out of his mom's closet makes me very uncomfortable. It might explain some things, though.
Also, DA tries and fails again to predict which movies will be awesome, this time with Jon Lovitz and North. But we all forgave him for that anyway, after we discovered "The Critic".

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I'd like to scarf down an entire bag of Skittles at once, just so I could be known as the guy who invented graporancherlemolime.

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I know it's just a joke, but I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. T did spend most of his time polishing his gold chains. (Or "changes", whatever.)
I don't think it's entirely accurate to say that Chekov "manned" the Enterprise. I think the most he ever did was stand around enough to get a cameo in Generations.

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Joey Lawrence turns out to be surprisingly literate for a teen heartthrob. That word association thing reveals some interesting tidbits, though - Julia Roberts = mouth? Hmm...

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This was my first glimpse of "Bonkers". Looking at it now just makes me want to watch the show again even more. It may not have been stellar, but it probably didn't deserve all those potshots on "Animaniacs" either.

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Part two of the Mickey Mouse thriller "Return to Blaggard Castle" is in this issue, and once again, it's just so much fun. Its only handicap, really, is being a sequel to a story that ran in 1933 - surely, I couldn't have been the only kid who was wondering when Mickey had been in this castle before.

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I'd love to see this get animated, though with Disney's current squeaky-clean image, I know it wouldn't have a chance in hell. I'm sure the Mickey of this story would gag if he ever laid his pie-cut eyes on "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse".

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Yep, this is how kids dressed in the '90s. If they somehow had boatloads of cash to blow on Rodeo Drive, that is.

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The Dunckins - not Archie, but an incredible simulation. Look, they've even got the "thinly veiled parody of a real-life facet of pop culture" thing going on.

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If I know REM, they'll only read if those books are printed on recycled paper.

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"The afternoon sun glittered off the barracudas" is one of those sentences I didn't expect to read today, but in the back of my mind I kinda hoped I would.
Really, if you swim into a school of barracudas, odds are they won't hurt you. More than likely, they're just on their way to a Heart concert.

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"The Perils of Mickey" must have been a comic book series or something in the '90s - not only did we get that great Blaggard Castle story, but there's also all this merchandise. We may never see stuff like this again - I can't imagine the Phantom Blot being too marketable to today's kids.

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Thank you, Joe Rocket, for explaining why wavy hair exists. Now I know exactly why no matter what I do, it always looks like there's a Jack Russel terrier sitting on top of my head.

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AAH, I'M TRIPPING -- Oh, it's just the graphic designer getting artsy. Never mind.
All in all, this article makes surfing sound like a lot of fun. Now I just wish the only beach near my house wasn't up against a toxic, bacteria-laden river littered with landfill runoff and a fine layer of motorboat fuel.

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Oh c'mon, that's more than a little ridiculous! I mean, if you had a yard that big, wouldn't you at least put a trampoline or something out there?

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In part two of "Automania", Max and PJ somehow survive the car crash, and Goofy manages to put the car back together with bubble gum. (He could just as easily have used duct tape - the Mythbusters proved it's possible.) Pete dons the Rad Rat costume for a publicity stunt at the car lot, until the genuine article shows up, and high-speed hijinks ensue.

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Ha ha, now it's stuck in your head!

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Also in this issue is "The Power of the Pyramids", a neat little "DuckTales" story with more of that great A. Lavaradori artwork that I love so much. This isn't the first time Magica's tried to horn in on Scrooge's subconscious, though - you'd think the old girl would remember that it didn't work the first time, either.

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This Weird Yet True has stayed with me for years. On days when it's really buggy, I always stay far away from bananas. Mosquito bites bug the hell out of me. Also, I have successfully used "floccipaucinihilipilification" in a sentence - on several occasions. It's the new "antidisestablishmentarianism".

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This series of Lego ads appeared in several 1993 issues, and I always glanced right over it. Legos are cool, but I don't want to read comics about them - I just wanna play with 'em. (I still do, actually. I remember I had this one Lego set that was like a flying pirate ship; it was the coolest thing ever, man!)

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It's a very important job being Michael Jackson's fashion designer. When you have to appear in court so much, you wanna look your best.

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I remember Double Dragon, and I remember Battletoads, but Plok completely escapes me. Anybody?

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Another puzzle with an illustration that makes me laugh. Also, is it just me, or is Ms. Wyks stoned off her gourd?

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We've seen this before, but at least this one's not drawn on. There's that long-forgotten light brown M&M, nestled away in Michigan and just waiting for blue to come along and bump it out of the candy rainbow.

Kitschensyngk
05-28-2010, 02:26 AM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0993_06.jpg

San Diego: "Carmen? Who's Carmen? I don't know any Carmen! Dios mio, ever since that typo in that issue of Disney Adventures, that's all anyone ever asks me!"

Peter Paltridge
05-30-2010, 04:27 PM
To this day I've never read "Return to Blaggard Castle" because I was being punished at the time and wasn't allowed to buy either issue of DA. Quit saying how great it is!

When Lawrence said "Julia Roberts = mouth," he was referring to her oversized mouth. That's her celebrity deformity.

DA is great and all, but Cricket is the greatest magazine ever printed. Whoever had to choose between the two and picked DA is an idiot.

mobo85
05-31-2010, 06:06 PM
IT'S A CRACK BABY, FOO!

Disney not wanting to take Mickey back into his older adventurous direction? I think "Epic Mickey" would disagree with that.

I remember Plok, for what it was. His schtick was that his limbs were removable. Yeah, maybe that's why no one remembers him.

Is Carmen, San Diego anywhere near Hannah, Montana? (Checks M&M advertisement) Oh, no, it isn't. I temporarily forgot my American geography to make a stupid joke about names and places. Incredibly dumb, as San Diego isn't even a state.

Planty
07-21-2010, 02:03 PM
This is a bump, because numero uno, I have a question, and numero two... I don't wanna see this thread disappear in the oblivion of the unknown abyss..... Anyways, I remember seeing, somewhere, an issue with Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, (from Animaniacs) on the cover.... Does anybody have this issue, and does it even exist? Thanks :yakko::wakko::dot:

Peter Paltridge
07-21-2010, 02:08 PM
This is a bump, because numero uno, I have a question, and numero two... I don't wanna see this thread disappear in the oblivion of the unknown abyss..... Anyways, I remember seeing, somewhere, an issue with Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, (from Animaniacs) on the cover.... Does anybody have this issue, and does it even exist? Thanks :yakko::wakko::dot:
There was no issue with the Warners on the cover, as they are WB characters and nearly all cartoon characters on DA covers were Disney properties. The closest they ever came was the Kids WB ad on the backs of some September issues.

The thread isn't dead; JB has just been busy.

8tucker7
07-21-2010, 06:21 PM
This is a bump, because numero uno, I have a question, and numero two... I don't wanna see this thread disappear in the oblivion of the unknown abyss..... Anyways, I remember seeing, somewhere, an issue with Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, (from Animaniacs) on the cover.... Does anybody have this issue, and does it even exist? Thanks :yakko::wakko::dot:

I know there was a Nickelodeon Magazine with the Animaniacs on it. Was that what you were thinking of?

Planty
07-22-2010, 07:21 PM
I know there was a Nickelodeon Magazine with the Animaniacs on it. Was that what you were thinking of?

...I guess so...:narf:

DIrishB
07-28-2010, 12:56 PM
Awesome thread.


I've recently been trying to complete my DA collection (mainly for the various comic stories in the Comic Zone sections).

Still looking for that Winter 2005 DA Comic Zone issue, though (can't find it anywhere).

Anyway, great thread!

8tucker7
08-02-2010, 07:18 PM
Awesome thread.


I've recently been trying to complete my DA collection (mainly for the various comic stories in the Comic Zone sections).

Still looking for that Winter 2005 DA Comic Zone issue, though (can't find it anywhere).

Anyway, great thread!

I have that issue. What makes it so hard to find?

TenPoundHammer
08-22-2010, 04:34 PM
Also, who the hell is Meredith Edwards? I guess she wasn't the next LeAnn Rimes after all, whatever that means.

She and Lance Bass of 'N Sync were once in a choir together. In 2001 at age 17, she had an album on Mercury and she was getting hyped up to be the next teenaged country music superstar á la LeAnn. But now she's in the same pile of burnt-out former child country stars that includes... well, just about every single one that ever existed, up to and including Tanya Tucker, the trope codifier for teenaged country music superstars.


The right page, though, is full of the usual bunch of nobodies.Hey now, the Tractors had an awesome album. However, I'm absolutely baffled as to why they thought their target audience would enjoy old-school country-boogie that sounds like Hank Williams meets Lynyrd Skynyrd, or the Latino-flavored country of The Mavericks. (Also, they forgot to list Jamie Oldaker among members of The Tractors.)

Finally, notice how Garth was popular in both 1995 and 1998 issues, yet Reba was "not" in 1995. Hypocrites.


This is the next-to-last Bone installment to appear in Disney Adventures, wherein we finally learn why Phoney and his brothers got run out of Boneville.Note how they bowdlerized "Big" Bone Johnson to downplay the unfortunate name. Seriously, how do you name a character "Big" Bone Johnson? That's almost as subtle as Stiffener Medick.


Around the time I saw this ad, I actually tried to draw a picture with my Toaster Strudel icing at breakfast one morning. I swear, it's freakin' impossible.

Those things always make me sick. I dunno why. Biscuits do too.

TenPoundHammer
08-22-2010, 05:40 PM
Apologies for the doublepost; I didn't want my scans and my commentary on previous posts jumbled together.

Anyway, I found November 1998 in the basement. Unfortunately, it got a little wet, so the pages are a little wrinkly and the front cover is ruined. But it'll still scan decently.

Before I start, though, I'd like to say: Scanners work better when they're turned on.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dadv1.png?t=1282512474



A forgotten entry from the Tamagotchi era. You can see one of these babies in action here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7vIl9GON6U). They didn't actually fart.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dadv2.png?t=1282512525

Funny how I can hardly turn a page without seeing something that reminds me of the Nostalgia Critic. Call me a freak, but I think it's cool when fictional characters have extra heads/arms/legs/whatever. (Quest for Camelot gets a second ad on page 23.)

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dadv3.png?t=1282512546

Animorphs is still on my list of "books I plan to read sometime." I love me some Taco Bell, but I never did like that !*#@$ dog. What a waste of Carlos Alazraqui.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dadv4.png?t=1282512563



Speaking of dogs… my labradoodle likes to grab one of my cats by the neck and just drag him around like a stuffed toy. And the cat doesn't even complain about it.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/younghercules.png?t=1282512578

Left: Never was in the age demographic for Backstreet Boys. Titanic and The Simpsons are two things that I file under "crazy overrated."

Right: This lasted 50 episodes. No doubt FOX was trying to milk the success of the Hercules name after Disney got some mileage out of it.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/jackdavis.png?t=1282512493

Left: Maculay's brother was an actor too? What hath Home Alone wrought?

Right: Once again, we have Jack Davis doing not-quite-Fold Ins for Kit Kat (and this time, he even went so far as to sign it). Does Al Jaffee not like chocolate or something?

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/shrunk.png?t=1282512596

Left: That got a TV series when there was barely enough of an interesting premise to carry a single movie?

Right: The focal article is on the Lion King sequel, Simba's Pride. The next several pages are stupid-easy puzzles and little factoids related to the movie.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/lionking.png?t=1282512612



And here are some of the factoids. I guess they couldn't get away with that little factoid about female hyenas having… well, particualrly masculine anatomy. Also, the start of a multipage ad for Disney's Saturday Morning block.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/lionking2.png?t=1282512679

More of the same. Maybe it's because I've watched Wheel of Fortune since I was 4, but I certainly could've gotten at least four of these with much fewer letters showing. I mean, seriously, _UD?

(Also, this (http://neonewsnow.com/images/neopets_cast/aisha_neopet.gif) is the first thing I think of when I think of Aisha.)


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/pepperann.png?t=1282512707
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/disneysat.png?t=1282512717



The page with the second portion of the One Saturday Morning ad didn't have anything particularly interesting. (As an aside, I think Disney Doug may be the worst adaptation decay in cartoon history.)

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/blank.png?t=1282512731

A fill-in-the-blank Halloween story. This would've been more interesting if they'd let you choose your own options and put in a few more blanks:

Everyone in our little seaside town of Cabot Cove believed that the once stately mansion of the bizarre Trump family was haunted. We all called the place The Super Ultra Creepy Doom Mansion of Doom, Squared. At night we could hear creepy polka music coming from inside the mansion, even though no one had lived there for years. The story: An anteater was murdered in the house many years ago. Some said the sounds were made by the anteater's ghost looking for love in all the wrong places.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/jazz.png?t=1282512791



Is it just me, or does Jazz Jackrabbit look like a bizarro world Bucky O'Hare? Alas, as a lifelong Macintard, it's only within the past few years that I've had the ability to play these games...

(I know I skipped ahead some. There was some stuff on computer peripherals and a very dull section on sports.)


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/goetze.png?t=1282512807



And remember, it's pronounced "Gets." If you start talking about "Goatse," expect some weird looks.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/puzzle.png?t=1282512819



Steve Smallwood has a decent style. He just can't remember simple things, like how even werewolves don't have 400 teeth, unless that's supposed to be Werewolf!Donny Osmond. And again, this is a puzzle I could've solved at age four. In my sleep.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/herculestv.png?t=1282512846


Decent movie, terrible history lessons, almost as terrible an idea for a TV series. I mean, how would you sustain what little Greek mythology is still present?


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/timon.png?t=1282512857


If the hyenas are my favorite characters in the Lion King-verse, then Timon and Pumbaa are close seconds. But here, a lame script and lamer art just do nothing. TImon in the splash panel is particularly unsettling.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/mulan.png?t=1282512869


Incredibly, this Mulan comic is the only other comic in the whole book. It fares somewhat better, but that's not saying much.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/giga.png?t=1282512880


I think I had the Bugs Bunny one. I know I had one of these because I remember finding it weird that the thing had "legs" at the bottom. Can you believe at one point I had over 30 virtual pets?

Peter Paltridge
08-22-2010, 06:12 PM
Note how they bowdlerized "Big" Bone Johnson to downplay the unfortunate name. Seriously, how do you name a character "Big" Bone Johnson? That's almost as subtle as Stiffener Medick.
Actually, that's the same as in the original, and I doubt Smith was intentionally making a seventh-grade penis joke. That's not like him.

As for this topic....I don't think JB is coming back. This is the lamest part of Internet sociality -- anybody can just disappear without warning.

Zorak Masaki
08-22-2010, 06:34 PM
Interesting note about Mrs. Munger's Class, apparently the pictures used were from an actual school yearbook, and the participants were not amused:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs._Munger%27s_Class

TenPoundHammer
08-22-2010, 07:00 PM
Actually, that's the same as in the original, and I doubt Smith was intentionally making a seventh-grade penis joke. That's not like him.

I didn't say he was. And I don't think Brian Jacques was either. But still, how could either of them have not realized the implications?

As for the edit, I could've sworn that they erased a bit of text; here, he's just "Big Johnson." Turns out I was wrong, though. (I do agree; the climax to the "prunes" gag is probably one of Bone's crowning moments of funny.)


As for this topic....I don't think JB is coming back. This is the lamest part of Internet sociality -- anybody can just disappear without warning.

Apparently he's still around; he's just abandoned this thread for some reason. Anyone else fine with me taking over? If so, then feel free to discuss the November 1998 issue amongst yourselves while I dig around on eBay. :D

Lonestarr
08-23-2010, 11:06 AM
Left: Maculay's brother was an actor too? What hath Home Alone wrought?

Two brothers (Kieran and Rory), both actors. If you see Scott Pilgrim for only one reason, make it Kieran. He is hilarious.





http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/herculestv.png?t=1282512846


Decent movie, terrible history lessons, almost as terrible an idea for a TV series. I mean, how would you sustain what little Greek mythology is still present?

Having serendipitously studied Greek mythology in school around the time the show aired, I think the writers did a fantastic job.

J. B. Warner
08-24-2010, 11:40 AM
Demand for me to return from my Disney Adventures hiatus has been quite great recently, and so I'd like to announce that I will be resuming my articles this week. However, since each article takes so long to assemble, I won't be publishing as many as I used to - but one per week seems like a good schedule to maintain.

At the same time, though, TenPoundHammer is more than willing to contribute to this thread. And really, anybody who's got an issue of Disney Adventures and something funny to say about it can throw in here. I think part of the reason why I stopped doing these for a while was because I was the only one actually making the articles; there was a lot of pressure on me to have enough to say about every single issue, and I think I kinda forced it on some of my more recent ones. With more varied contributors, like we had in the first and second threads, I think the articles will be funnier, and if I don't do an article for a while, the thread won't die.

Keep an eye out this week for March 1997!

TenPoundHammer
08-24-2010, 12:31 PM
I'm working on scooping some issues off eBay, so I'll have plenty of material to be a more frequent co-writer in this thread. I honestly don't know where most of my back issues of DA went.

J. B. Warner
08-26-2010, 12:35 PM
All right, gang, let's see if I've still got it! Time to dust off my collection and dive back in with March 1997!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_01.jpg
And of course, one of the biggest cultural milestones of 1997 was the theatrical re-release of the original Star Wars trilogy. And since DA's always got to be on the cutting edge of cool (right, Urkel?), this is the perfect cover story.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_02.jpg
DA suddenly got fashionable in 1996 and 1997 - ads for Ralph Lauren and the Gap suddenly sprung up throughout various issues, seemingly on the run from an issue of Teen People. And yes, Ralph Lauren and the Gap would make another awesome band name.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_03.jpg
Estes was trying desperately to start a model rocketry boom in the late '90s, but to the best of my knowledge, it never happened. Nonetheless, leave it to them to hop on the Star Wars bandwagon along with everyone else in the galaxy. I will admit, launching R2-D2 into the stratosphere seems kinda cruel. Now if it were an Ewok, then I'd be on board.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_04.jpg
When Toy Story hit home video, everyone and their pause button discovered Pixar's love of in-jokes. But by this point, pretty much all the good ones had been found, leaving kids to scrape the bottom of the barrel like Cati Smith up there. Also, Jonathan Snyder kinda sounds like he doesn't know that fossil fuels are a real thing.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_05.jpg
The Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards are, as Tycho Brahe would say, "some seriously irrelevant bull****". Of course, when you're a kid, they're the freaking Oscars. But as you grow older, you gradually realize that every category seems to be rigged in favor of whatever Nickelodeon properties are nominated. I remember a couple of years later, "Rugrats" beat "Pokémon" in the category of Best Cartoon. I was not pleased with that...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_06.jpg
"Um, we've got an extra page in DA Buzz this month, what should we fill it with?"
"I dunno, check the Book of Useless Information again."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_07.jpg
Deep breath, and begin...
George Clooney was supposed to be Frosty the Snowman? I'm guessing they were considering him for the lead role in 1998's Jack Frost (which ultimately went to a thoroughly embarrassed Michael Keaton), and some paparazzo just got mixed up. I will say, though, props to Clooney for turning down the role and maintaining his dignity. After Batman and Robin, he was probably reading scripts a little more closely.
I gotta give my props to Schoolhouse Rock. I struggled with my multiplication tables in third grade, and if it wasn't for "Lucky Seven Sampson", "Figure Eight", and "Naughty Number Nine", I might still be there. I do remember the "Schoolhouse Rock Rocks" album, which I thought was terrible - Pavement did a really somber version of "No More Kings", Goodness screeched their way through "Electricity, Electricity", and the less said about what Moby did to "Verb! That's What's Happening", the better.
I've committed what might be a geek cardinal sin - I have never watched "Beast Wars". However, my girlfriend is a huge Transformers nut, so that'll probably be fixed real soon.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_08.jpg
"Joel, I hate to break it to you - KISS were never cool."
Thank you, Michael Jordan, for admitting you can't act. And screw you, Warner Bros., for eventually squeezing out a Space Jam follow-up that was even worse. Steve Martin's career still hasn't recovered.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_09.jpg
Melissa Joan Hart used to be so cool. She knew everything as Clarissa and could do anything as Sabrina. Now? She's humiliating herself opposite fellow has-been Joey Lawrence on ABC Family, where deceased careers join the ranks of the walking undead. Wonder what Salem would have to say about that.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_10.jpg
Disney Adventures has talked to some big names before, but I think this trumps them all. George Lucas takes some time off from digitally pasting dewbacks into the sands of Tatooine to answer some very interesting questions. Hey, Georgie, you can have Han stomp on Jabba's tail 'til the banthas come home for all I care, but just don't bury the original films and try to pass these off as the "right" versions, mmkay?
Oh, and free Hat.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_11.jpg
Also in this issue is a handy guide to some of the more obscure alien species in the Star Wars universe. Considering most of these guys are never identified by name and are on screen for a handful of seconds at best, it makes me wonder why they bothered. But that's Skywalker Ranch for you, always connecting everything to everything.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_12.jpg
1997 was the year of volcano movies. Dante's Peak duked it out with Volcano for box office supremacy that spring, much like Deep Impact and Armageddon would the following year. Why do movie studios do this, exactly? It still goes on - as recently as 2009, we had Paul Blart: Mall Cop clashing nightsticks with Observe and Report to be the number one mall security guard movie. Can't we all just get along?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_13.jpg
See? Volcanoes were everywhere that year! Even Mr. Adventure decided to scope one out...even though he'd already done that once before. Well, at least he knew what to expect this time. Like a pink slip from the editor.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_14.jpg
AAAAAHH! Why, Jack Black, why?
And look, there's The Thief and the Cobbler, the mere sight of which I'm sure makes Richard Williams want to hang himself. Say, I think I've got two more suggestions for the Nostalgia Critic...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_15.jpg
The DA Scary Story Contest of 1996 got a little jump-start, courtesy of R.L. Stine himself. All the contestants had to do was read Stine's opening paragraphs and fill in the rest of the story. And I will say, the winner does a great job of capturing the Goosebumps spirit. She even nailed the twist ending. Though I would enjoy this story a lot better if I wasn't forced to visualize the characters as bobbleheads.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_16.jpg
A year and a half after its release, and they're still making Toy Story video games. Already, you knew the movie had legs. Hell, you still know - after the third one came out, the merchandising blitz exploded all over again.
Disney Interactive came out with a bunch of new titles around this time. Some, like this one, were successes...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_17.jpg
Others, sadly, did not spawn the franchises they were hoping for. It's just as well, Disney's already got enough ducks.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_18.jpg
You can't have a Star Wars issue without talking about the toys. These movies surely must hold the record for most unnecessary commercial crap ever manufactured. That's not a joke, I seriously suspect it holds the world record for that.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_19.jpg
In the Comics Zone, Bonkers plays security guard at a theme park where the robots are acting a little funny. And we all know how bad that can get. "Nobody ruins my family vacation but ME!...And maybe the boy!"
But seriously, who can put a stop to all this mechanized mayhem?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_20.jpg
Him, that's who!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_21.jpg
To fill space, here's another one of those unfunny Italian Aladdin comics. Just forget that Jafar's dead for a second, otherwise the joke won't work.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0397_22.jpg
GAH. Don't do that!
In college, I became something of a Pop-Tart aficionado (in fact, I think that happens to most people who go to college). That's also where I discovered that if you freeze the Cookies 'n Creme ones, they taste just like an ice cream sandwich, and it's great. It's turned out to be the most useful thing I learned in college.

Peter Paltridge
08-26-2010, 01:50 PM
Yay, the drought is over!


Melissa Joan Hart used to be so cool. She knew everything as Clarissa and could do anything as Sabrina. Now? She's humiliating herself opposite fellow has-been Joey Lawrence on ABC Family, where deceased careers join the ranks of the walking undead. Wonder what Salem would have to say about that.

AAAAAHH! Why, Jack Black, why?
And look, there's The Thief and the Cobbler, the mere sight of which I'm sure makes Richard Williams want to hang himself. Say, I think I've got two more suggestions for the Nostalgia Critic...

A year and a half after its release, and they're still making Toy Story video games. Already, you knew the movie had legs. Hell, you still know - after the third one came out, the merchandising blitz exploded all over again.
Disney Interactive came out with a bunch of new titles around this time. Some, like this one, were successes...

Others, sadly, did not spawn the franchises they were hoping for. It's just as well, Disney's already got enough ducks.

In the Comics Zone, Bonkers plays security guard at a theme park where the robots are acting a little funny. And we all know how bad that can get. "Nobody ruins my family vacation but ME!...And maybe the boy!"
But seriously, who can put a stop to all this mechanized mayhem?

Melissa's mom wanted to name her baby Sabrina? Come on, she has to carry it the rest of her life. "Yes, I was named after the TV show. Don't remind me." Samantha is a little better since not as many people will guess the origin.

If the NC ever does Arabian Knight (or its original title, The Thief and the Cobbler), I hope he does his research and mentions Williams worked on that thing for thirty years, only to have it cut up and butchered, and released three years after Aladdin. They showed the Arabian Knight variant on TV a few years ago, and I thought it was one of the worst animated movies I'd ever seen. Doug would cut it to ribbons if he didn't know the story behind it.

Actually, they didn't put out much Toy Story merch when the first film came out. They seriously thought a movie about toys wouldn't sell toys. That got us the in-joke with Barbie in Toy Story 2.

Maui Mallard is actually Donald Duck -- or he's supposed to be under there.

I have the itch to watch Bonkers again, but he's hard to find. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbqFGapihP0) Disney will never let him out of the vault, and I don't think the show exists in its entirety online. :(

Zorak Masaki
08-26-2010, 02:22 PM
Actually, the model kit trend was huge in the 1980s. Just look at the ads from any 80s marvel or dc title and you'll see Revell and other companies constantly advertising (even the go-bots and turbo teen had model kits). Guess they figured the trend could continue into the 90s (I do know that model-making is still serious business, but aside from the hobbyists i rarely see many people talking about it).

Darklordavaitor
08-26-2010, 03:10 PM
Melissa's mom wanted to name her baby Sabrina? Come on, she has to carry it the rest of her life. "Yes, I was named after the TV show. Don't remind me." Samantha is a little better since not as many people will guess the origin.

What.

I have to say that watching the commercials for Melissa's new show makes me feel old and sad. I wasn't a huge Sabrina fan(always preferred the comics), but Clarissa is one of my favorite relics of the days of Nickelodeon Studios, and her show with Joey looks like more of the same type of ABC Family tripe. I expect it to last a season like most of their comedies tend to.

Welcome back, JB. Love your stuff, as always.

Lonestarr
08-26-2010, 07:33 PM
Wait, you're saying that Looney Tunes: Back in Action was worse than Space Jam?

The things one reads on the Internet...

dlmx-13
08-26-2010, 09:13 PM
So you guys must already know about The Thief & The Cobbler: Recobbled Cut, right?

http://www.cartoonbrew.com/old-brew/thief-and-the-cobbler-the-recobbled-cut.html

J. B. Warner
09-01-2010, 04:50 PM
In today's installment, cast your memories back, if you can, to exactly ten years ago. The summer of 2000 was a dark and foreboding time, where horrible sounds rang through the air, but those who created them were nonetheless celebrated as heroes. Don't know what I mean? You will...as soon as we enter the special newsstands-only Music 2000 issue!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_01.jpg
Oops! They did it again!...Emphasis on "oops".

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_02.jpg
Oh, c'mon, Radio Disney, get with the times. The Latin Invasion was so 1999.
I've never heard this, but I would imagine that singing a Disneyfied version of "Livin' La Vida Loca" was not one of the high points of the late Wayne Allwine's career.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_03.jpg
Ugh. My sister watched a lot of Fox Family Channel around this time, so I ended up seeing a lot of S Club 7. They were some crappy pop group from England, and it's hard to determine what was worse, the show or their music. You know a show is bad-bad-bad if it makes "The Monkees" look good.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_04.jpg
Wow, I'd almost forgotten about The Legend of Bagger Vance until just now. It's not exactly one of Will Smith's career highlights, unless playing the stereotypical "magical Negro" is something to be proud of.
"2 Hour Tour" was one of Disney's first attempts at a reality show, sort of like "American Idol". Only difference is, while the latter show spawned such celebrities as Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, nobody on the planet knows who Amanda Dumas is.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_05.jpg
Just like the Music 1999 issue, DA once again tries to predict who you'll be listening to a year from now, and surprisingly, they got quite a few of 'em right. Actually, some of these guys were already pretty well-known at the time - Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore both released their first singles in 1999. They were sort of the second-rung acts you'd get if you couldn't afford Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera.
In contrast, Pink is sort of the anti-Britney. She was also one of my first big celebrity crushes (that American Beauty thing she did in the video for "You Make Me Sick" really helped in that regard). Then in 2003 she went all rocker chick on us, and that just made her even hotter.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_06.jpg
Aw, now it's hard for me to hate Britney Spears. How bad can she be if she likes Pokémon?
"All you wanna do is be normal, but the people around you won't let you." Actually, there might be something to that. Britney did still seem pretty normal at this point in her career; maybe if she didn't have the paparazzi sticking their zoom lenses in her window 24/7, she wouldn't have married a dude for 55 hours, run a red light with her kids in the car, and shaved herself bald to avoid taking a drug test. The harvest will be good this year.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_07.jpg
Of course, we can't have another Music issue of DA without more installments from the files of the SUPER MUSIC ACTION READY TEAM OH GOD KILL ME NOW. Somehow, I doubt that the real Britney knows this much about astronomy. "I barely even know what a hat is."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_08.jpg
Next on the interview circuit is BBMak. The BB probably stands for "boring Britons", because they had nothing interesting to say in their interview, so here's their comic instead. This thing looks like a bad Archie comic. In other words, an Archie comic. (Zing!)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_09.jpg
The Hanson brothers, who still hadn't ditched the girl hair yet, get the longest interview in the issue - it's about three pages long 'cause these guys never shut up. It turns very stream-of-consciousness right around the time they start talking about how they say "hello" too much.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_10.jpg
We can't have a Music issue in the early '00s without mentioning N'Sync somewhere. Seriously, it was required by law. So here's what might be the stupidest comic ever printed in DA. Some S.M.A.R.T. agent goes back in time to when Mozart was a kid and accidentally leaves a Game Boy behind, so Mozart picks it up and becomes a video game junkie and never composes his great symphonies, and thus 300 years later, music isn't cool anymore, so the guys from N'Sync have to travel back to 1769 and change the course of history. If there's a point to this story, I sure as hell don't know what it is; listening to music is good and playing video games is evil? That's all I could gather.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_11.jpg
Nobody's Angel completely flew under my radar in 2000, and I listened to a lot of pop music back then. Or maybe they're just that unmemorable. I will say this, though, they sure do seem like a lively bunch of gals, don't they?
Oh and hey, look, all their major appearances have been in Disney-owned properties! No wonder DA is so eager to talk to them.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_12.jpg
They also get their own comic, and they're fortunate enough to cross swords with King Polka, a recurring villain in these terrible S.M.A.R.T. comics. As his name suggests, he's a mad scientist who wants to rule the world and make polka music the only music. Hey, I would rather spend an entire evening in a German concert hall than listen to any of the acts on display in this issue so far.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_13.jpg
Here's a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-style game where you can supposedly link any music celebrity to any other. There's only one name on this page that I actually respect. It's not often that I say this, but Weird Al actually classes up the joint.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_14.jpg
And now, Craig Tucker presents "Celebrities Close-Up With a Wide-Angle Lens".
*cue "Yakkety Sax"*

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_15.jpg
This issue is so bad, the puzzles are the only part worth reading. And thankfully, this one has a great Bob Staake drawing too. Note that this issue's previous owner already took a stab at solving this one. Sheesh, compared to this kid, Macaulay Culkin's handwriting is downright legible.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_16.jpg
OW. Ow ow ow ow ow. The lameness, it burns.
Also, why is it so freakin' hard for most cartoonists to do a decent caricature of Britney Spears? Really, the only person whom I've ever seen get it right was Jay Fosgitt (http://fourpanelhero.deviantart.com/art/Britney-Spears-Caricature-II-71099147).

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/music00_17.jpg
Yeah, Aaron Carter was having a "Real Good Time"...until he sued his mom for embezzling his earnings. Guess the party's over, eh, Aaron?

Peter Paltridge
09-01-2010, 06:44 PM
Britney didn't say she played Pokemon, only that she LIKED Pokemon -- more specifically, "I dunno, I think the characters are cute." I should point out that Britney has made a LOT of those statements -- where people ask her about a subject, any subject, and she gives her opinion based on two seconds of observation. The first year she was legal to vote for President, they asked her who she preferred, and she said "I dunno, I'll probably just vote whatever my mom or dad says." She put as much thought into the President as she did to Pokemon.

Pink was the only good thing to come out of this era. I love how she slams pop's own fanbase in "Stupid Girls" AND herself in "Hazard to Myself," which contains the greatest lyric ever written within the 2000's: "Don't let me get me!"

Give the Latin Disney album some slack. They must have started making it at Latin's peak and it just took that long to finish. And how were they to know how long it would last?

I don't think anybody knew who Nobody's Angel was when this was published. It's just a band Disney wanted to force into popularity, but they didn't have that power. Yet.

As for the Aaron Carter biography promo.....that must have killed him. You just CAN'T be cool if your own biography is written by your MOM.

mobo85
09-01-2010, 07:43 PM
Ah yes, the period when the Family Channel was owned by Fox and Haim Saban, who had no idea what to do with it. As opposed to today, where it's owned by Disney, who has no idea what to do with it.

TenPoundHammer
09-01-2010, 09:23 PM
I found another one of these in the basement. Within a week I should have plenty more to share with you; I just ordered about seven years' worth of Disney Adventures off eBay. This one's probably gonna be somewhere in that bundle, but why wait? You can have it now, all for the low, low cost of several profanities directed at Photobucket for being so glitchy today!

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/cover-1.png?t=1283389650

Anyway, this one's also from the long-gone year of 2000. Our cover story is 102 Dalmatians.

Also, note that you got a chance to get a walk-on role in a stage production of Doug. Given how badly Disney mutilated Doug, I can't imagine the stage production being anything remotely tolerable.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/emperors.png?t=1283389673


And the first thing is this two-page ad for The Emperor's New Groove, one of the best Disney movies ever. I'd say that this, moreso than anything else, was the catalyst for my love of rapid-fire comedy, fourth-wall demolition and lampshade hanging. And David Spade.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/woodpecker-1.png?t=1283389705

Really? A racing game for Woody Woodpecker?! DOES NOT COMPUTE! Must've been a total flop; WIkipedia doesn't have an article on it.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/p2k-1.png?t=1283389720

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/monster2.png?t=1283389738

Left: An ad for Pokémon: The Movie 2000, which my mom once described as "so bad I couldn't even sleep through it." And this is a woman who falls asleep every time she goes to the theater — which may explain why we've only been there twice in the last five years.

Right and next page: A silly little fluff piece asking kids which monster they'd like to be. I think I like Andrew D's answer best.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/christmas.png?t=1283389753

Left: Interview with Christina Aguilera, all of 19 at the time. About as vapid and meaningless as any other Disney interview from this era.

Right: Speaking of vapid and meaningless, an ad for a Disney Channel Original Movie™.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/mermaid.png?t=1283389776

Left: Oh dear God, even the cheapquels got spinoff games.
Right: From the "you know, for kids!" department, a 12-year-old girl asking about a sequel to The Mummy.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/flash2.png?t=1283389797

Left: Continuation of the "Flash" section. SHeDAISY probably got on here only because they were on Disney's country music label, Lyric Street Records. Only two years later, the label acted as if Rascal Flatts were the only act on it.

As for 6piece, they toured with 'N Sync, they still have a MySpace, and… that's about all I could find.

Right: Mary-Kate. Ashley. Australia. I'll pass.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/mars.png?t=1283389818


Kid's not a half-bad writer for her age. The bit about Mars bars is particularly clever.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dalmatians1.png?t=1283389868
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dalmatians2.png?t=1283389889

Our focal piece is on 102 Dalmatians. Here, the staff's gone out of its way to name all of them. Unless this madness is canon.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/fish.png?t=1283389926

And a two-page, lame comic involving the Dalmatians.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/ppn.png?t=1283389954
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/ppn2.png?t=1283389967
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/ppn3.png?t=1283389980
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/ppn4.png?t=1283389994
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/ppn5.png?t=1283390014

Another very large chunk in the middle is this silly little Present Predictor game involving a lot of math.They might as well ask us to roll a D20. I can't remember how many pets I had in 2000, so I can't tell you my PPN.

I used to have a Tekno cat, but I quickly grew bored of it and used its built-in batteries on something else. Those are still, by far, the longest-lasting batteries I've ever used.

HitClips? Really? All that for just clips of popular songs? I feel sorry for the generation that grew up without iPods.

And finally, is it just me, or do the numbers look a lot like the Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack logo?


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/crossword.png?t=1283390041

After a bombardment of mostly uninteresting video game ads, we finally get to the puzzles. Note that by now, they started ranking them tough/tougher/toughest. Maybe it's just me, but I always found these pint-size crosswords super-easy and "spot the difference" puzzles super-hard.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/juicyfruit.png?t=1283390065

Left: Typical 2000s Juicy Fruit ad, still with the (superior) old logo. Any idea who drew these? They look kind of like Mark Fredrickson's work.
Right: I always liked Hair Pair. One of the last rays of hope in DA's comics section.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/gloomy1.png?t=1283390089
http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/gloomy2.png?t=1283390116

Little Gloomy was pretty good too. Frank's dis-arming on the third page is actually kinda dark for DA standards…


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/jetpack.png?t=1283390135

Jet Pack Pets, however… eh. It had an interesting art style, and Bix is a cool name, but the writing was nothing special.

Should I make the far-too-obvious Admiral Ackbar reference in regards to panel 2?


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/doug.png?t=1283390151

Seriously, Disney, why did you have to ruin Doug so thoroughly?


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/reindeer.png?t=1283390167


Left: Last Laugh was always terrible. Same setup all the time: Lame premise, three lame variations on same.
Right: The Road to El Dorado. From the all-but-forgotten and all-but-forgettable pre-Shrek era of DreamWorks animation. Probably nothing special, but at least it had an armadillo in it.

J. B. Warner
09-01-2010, 10:45 PM
Hey, this actually works out pretty well! December 2000 is one of two issues I don't own - the other is October 2000, which was already covered by someone else in the first DA Archive thread. At this rate, we really are on the road to doing every single issue! (Though by my calculations, we'll have to go through eight threads to do it.)

Disney did such a poor job of marketing The Emperor's New Groove, I think that ad was the first bit of promotion I saw for it (aside from a brief mention in the November 2000 issue). It's a testament to just how out-of-touch Michael Eisner could be.

I'm guessing Woody Woodpecker Racing was made to cash in on the new Woody show on Fox Kids. I think that was on around that time, right?

It's strange to look back at old issues and see all the celebrities that nobody remembers anymore, but it's even stranger to see the ones that have actually sustained careers for a decade or more. Christina Aguilera is still going strong to this day, though she's not without competition - apparently, she's got a rivalry going with Lady Gaga now.

My sister got one of those Tekno dogs for Christmas that year. She played with it for a week and then lost interest forever. Last time I saw it, it was collecting dust behind a radiator in our living room.

I remain fairly indifferent on Little Gloomy, but I will agree, seeing Frank get his arms yanked off is surprisingly out there for DA at this point.

DreamWorks' brief foray into hand-drawn animated features was a mixed bag. The Prince of Egypt, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, and Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas didn't grab my interest, but I'll always remember The Road to El Dorado - if for no other reason than Chel, one of the hottest animated women ever. She easily gives Jasmine and Belle and all them a run for their money.

Zorak Masaki
09-01-2010, 11:16 PM
Disney plugging a rival network (in this case cartoon network)? Something tells me that would never happen today (if DA was still around of course). Once every issue gets reviewed, someone needs to archive these posts.

TenPoundHammer
09-02-2010, 12:02 AM
Actually, I wouldn't mind an archive right now, just so that none of us end up reviewing something that's already been taken.

Kitschensyngk
09-02-2010, 02:41 AM
Eugggh, such dark times for pop music. All those sugar-coated princesses and carbon copy boy bands...thank heaven Gorillaz came along the following year.

J. B. Warner
09-02-2010, 08:52 AM
Actually, I wouldn't mind an archive right now, just so that none of us end up reviewing something that's already been taken.

Well, I've been keeping a personal record of all the issues covered in these threads so far, for just such a purpose. Until we do get every post archived, I think this should help you out!

Part 1
March 1994 – “Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman”
March 1995 – Shaquille O’Neal
November 1994 – “Gargoyles”
August 1995 – Power Rangers: The Movie
August 1994 – The Mask
September 1999 – Pokémon
June 1993 – Michael Jackson
December 1993 – Macaulay Culkin
October 1995 – Jonathan Taylor Thomas/”Timon and Pumbaa”
Winter 2000 – Video Game Special
December 1995 – Toy Story
April 1997 – Jungle 2 Jungle
August 1993 – Dennis the Menace
December 1994 – Jonathan Taylor Thomas
October 1993 – 1993-94 Fall Preview
April 1999 – Doug’s 1st Movie
October 2000 – “Teacher’s Pet”
February 1994 – “The Simpsons”
February 1993 – Jennie Garth
August 30 1997 – What’s Hot
October 1997 - Melissa Joan Hart
February 1998 - Hanson
October 2003 – 2003-04 Fall Preview
July 1998 - Mulan

Part 2
November 1990 – Rick Moranis
Music 1999
Summer 2002 – Lilo and Stitch
May 2000 – “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”
November 2004 – The Incredibles
July 1992 – Wayne’s World
June 30 1997 – Batman and Robin
November 1996 - Goosebumps
September 2005 – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire/Lilo and Stitch 2
September 1998 – “Recess”
July 1993 – Jurassic Park
May 2006 – High School Musical
September 1994 – “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers”
September 2004 – Celebrities’ Favorite Songs/Who Would Win
May 1999 – The Legend of Zelda
May 1997 – 25 Funniest People
September 2001 – Spy Kids
January 1994 – Beethoven’s 2nd
August 2006 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
November 1993 – Addams Family Values
July 1996 – Spy Hard
February 1992 – “Dinosaurs”
September 1 1995 – Pocahontas Personality Quiz
September 30 1995 – “Spider-Man”
June/July 2003 – Finding Nemo
May 1995 – “Earth 2”
September 2006 – Miley Cyrus and Ashley Tisdale
November 2007 – Ratatouille on DVD

mobo85
09-02-2010, 04:14 PM
The Emperor's New Groove must have done something for Disney, as it somehow got an animated series based off of it. A very short-lived one, which really gave nothing except multiple Daytime Emmys for Eartha Kitt, a song the composer would reuse multiple times as a background cue when he went over to Phineas and Ferb, and, by the end of the show's run, another hole to shove Miley Cyrus into, in the wonderful role of "a waitress who has no defining characteristics whatsoever except for the fact that she sounds exactly like Miley Cyrus."

I think the new Woody Woodpecker show was on at that time. As he does with many classic cartoon characters, Billy West didn't do a bad job of recreating Woody's voice (although I'm not sure why he made it a running gag to have Woody speak in a Scottish accent randomly).

Oh, look, it's Brenda Song before she made a career out of parodying Paris Hilton, thus becoming so famous she was able to sue an escort service who used her photo as that of a "Hawaiin" prostitute for thousands of dollars! (Yes, that actually happened). And what's the deal with that guy to the right of Santa? Is he a pirate? That face makes him look like he's going to go all Dr. Applecheeks on Santa, if you know what I mean. (So I guess that would make him a certain type of pirate.)

When the mandatory annual circulation information is more entertaining than the comic on the same page, something is horribly wrong.

TenPoundHammer
09-07-2010, 03:36 PM
I just got a huge box of old DA issues today. Let's start with June 1996, since that was the first one I pulled out of the box. Our cover story is the 1996 remake of the Flipper movie, starring some guy named Elijah Wood.

Sorry for the blurry quality of some images; my scanner doesn't like the ones that have actual spines instead of staples.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/cover-2.png?t=1283887380

Someone named Matthew Earnest owned this issue before me. And he wrote his name on it. Twice.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/letters.png?t=1283887393

Our Zip Code section includes some pretty interesting stories this time. But isn't that right page kinda out-of-season?


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/crunch.png?t=1283887405

Left: Ubiquitous Cap'n Crunch ad. After all this time, "You and the Cap'n make it happen" is still stuck in my head.

Right: Look at the slang. I'm pretty sure "wack" is from before the 1990s, but the rest feel more like bad entries on Urban Dictionary. And, at least according to a certain bluejay, it's "punchies," not "speed bump."

…"Buttez"? Yeah. I think they were trolling us before trolling existed.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/june.png?t=1283887442

Left: Continuation of the Buzz. I totally want Martian Mint ice cream. And they really skimmed over that whole Unesco thing, didn't they? It's about as wordy as their 2000s interviews.

Right: I always liked the psychedelic style calendars. By the aughties, it was just boring grids. The June 3—June 4 synchronicity made me giggle, as does the fact that I have an uncle whose birthday is the same day as Garfield's.

Also, Ren & Stimpy reference? In DA? It's more likely than you think.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/batman.png?t=1283887484

Hee hee. Teaser for Batman and Robin. What killed this movie? DE ICE AGE!

Also note the promo for Tom and Huck. Funny how a movie makes more than $23 million and then vanishes off the face of the earth. What was our obsession with Tom Sawyer around this time anyway? Not long afterward, we also got that animated Tom Sawyer movie with Rhett Akins as Cat!Tom and Mark Wills as Fox!Huck.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/simpsons.png?t=1283887501

A program that lets you cut and paste various catch phrases, plot devices and characters to make your own Simpsons episode. I think this is pretty much the same thing the show's writers do now.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dolphins.png?t=1283887530

After a decent enough interview with Elijah Wood, we get some factoids about three dolphins, two of whom are named Jake and the Fatman. I bet that reference went over the head of about 99% of the population. Amazingly, I would've fallen into the other 1% — I remember that Jake and the Fatman used to come on after the game show Wipeout.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/twizzlers.png?t=1283887544

Left: What the heck do they do Twizzlers Pull & Peel that makes them taste so different from regular Twizzlers? I always liked Pull & Peel a zillion times more.

Right: The Adventure Files starts off with some info on the North Star, then transitions into ten pages about handling a fire on a submarine. That's right, ten.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/interview.png?t=1283887579

An interesting section wherein kids got to "interview" stars of various calibers. I'll ignore Robin Williams' obvious single entendre about "meat tucked into your pants" and say that Adam Estes looks kind of like a younger version of Christian Chandler (the "Sonichu" guy), and Clint Herron looks kind of like a young Jim Lange. And I'm pretty sure Lynsay Connell is actually a long-haired boy.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/cdrom.png?t=1283887607

At the time, I had a Macintosh LC520. Even then, they were making countless games that only worked on every computer made after mine. But it hardly mattered, since I'm not much of a gamer. And now that I'm 23, I can finally start catching up. (That was the main reason why I bought an N64.)


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/kermit.png?t=1283887627

Left: Interview with Kermit the Frog, in association with one of his CD-ROM games. What do you mean, it's not awesome?
Right: Even in 1996, Disney allowed downloads of QuickTime videos and sound clips. With that day's technology, it meant about a two-week wait to avoid busy signals, then about a half-hour to download a 45-second, ultra-low-quality clip… of Kazaam. I feel sorry for first-generation Internet users, even though I was one of them.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/weird-2.png?t=1283887645

Weird Yet True offers a pretty cool story about a frog and a nightmare fueling carousel. I've seen a bazillion carousels in my life, but not once have I seen one where brass rings are involved. Do they just not do that anymore?


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/surfing.png?t=1283887669

More of the coolness that DA used to offer. A kid who windsurfs. I've often considered some kind of ocean-related sports, but then I remember that eczema + saltwater = very bad idea.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/bonkers-1.png?t=1283887685

This Bonkers comic was missing its first page, so here are some middle pages instead. I don't remember Fall Apart; was he that common in the series? But what's more surprising is that it also has Fawn Deer, one of countless furry crushes for kids of the 1990s.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/goof-1.png?t=1283887709

And a Goof Troop comic. These comics are both insanely long; this one's 12 pages, and the Bonkers one's even longer, even without the missing pages.

At the end of this, the fish Max gets turns into a tentacle monster. No, really.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/aladdin.png?t=1283887736

…Finally, a two-page Aladdin comic that's actually… pretty funny despite its obvious setup.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/puzzle-1.png?t=1283887750

You'd never, in a million years, guess those objects. I've never seen anything remotely like them. The answers are at the bottom of this post, and I think you'll agree that they're only slightly easier than this (http://www.j-archive.com/showgame.php?game_id=3109) notorious final Jeopardy! clue.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/animal.png?t=1283887763

Left: The Wuzzles look different from how I remember them.
Right: Goetze's offers us a rebus contest wherein you could've won 100 pounds of candy. And keeping in the theme set with the previous page, I now dare someone to try drawing a giraffe/rabbit/seal.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/chester.png?t=1283887781


And our inside back cover. Cheetos is always trying something different; this time, it's using one of Dr. Doofenshmirtz's devices to transform them into a hybrid of Cheetos and Chex cereal. But there's always one common thread: no matter what you do to Cheetos, they still leave orange powder all over everything.

The best part, however, is the caption.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/tomandhuck.png?t=1283887796

And finally, another ad for Tom and Huck. Here, they look like those people who paint themselves bronze and stand in public places, pretending to be statues.

Answers to that puzzle:

1. Automatic car antenna
2. Dental floss container
3. Stapler
4. Sugar box spout
5. Windshield cleaning fluid outlet (whaaaaaaa?!)
6. Battery

Peter Paltridge
09-07-2010, 06:32 PM
Yes, computers' needs were rapidly advancing in the mid-90's and so the result was that every month they came out with a better one, making all the previous ones obsolete. Computers were infamous for that for a while. That wasn't a good time to buy one.

Fall-Apart Rabbit is from the Lucky episodes of Bonkers; very rarely did he and Fawn Deer (from the Miranda episodes) appear at the same time.

How were we supposed to pronounce "Buttez"? Is it the way we're all thinking? "That's so cool, it's comparable to a pair of buttocks!" Right.

TenPoundHammer
09-07-2010, 07:52 PM
Yes, computers' needs were rapidly advancing in the mid-90's and so the result was that every month they came out with a better one, making all the previous ones obsolete. Computers were infamous for that for a while. That wasn't a good time to buy one.

I got the LC520 in 1992 and was still using it regularly as late as 2000. And then for about a year after that, I was using a PowerBook 520 which was only about a year newer. It still had a B&W screen, which we worked around by hooking up a second monitor. Weep for me.


How small's your small town? How old is that theater, and does it run Dolby Stereo?

Peter asked me this over a year ago, way back in the first thread, and I never answered it. Since it's not so much a town as adjacent charter townships (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charter_township): one with a population of 7,248 and one with 2,230… that's what, 9,478 people? The theater opened in 1953.

By the way, I have every issue from July 1998 (the last issue covered in the first thread) to August 2005, including the specialty issues in between. Any requests?

J. B. Warner
09-09-2010, 11:33 AM
By the way, I have every issue from July 1998 (the last issue covered in the first thread) to August 2005, including the specialty issues in between. Any requests?

Do you have that Emperor's New Groove issue that I never found? If so, I'd love to see it.

In the meantime, though, allow me to present another excellent content-filled issue, November 1995!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_01.jpg
This is the second November issue in a row to feature "Gargoyles" as a cover story. And even though the illustration of Goliath on the front of the November 1994 issue was definitely better drawn, it really only had that crappy four-page preview comic and little else. This issue has interviews, contests, comics, the whole deal. Don't judge an issue by its cover!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_02.jpg
Right off the bat, here's some fine Gargoyles toys for you to purchase, valuable consumer. I can't help but laugh every time toy companies make vehicles for characters who can fly. I swear I saw a motorcycle for Superman once.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_03.jpg
Sheesh, could she be any more girly? There's so much pink in this ad, I can actually feel my testosterone level dropping just by looking at it.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_04.jpg
Hey, one of those Magic Eye things! Froggy!
Can you figure this thing out? 'Cause I never could. I always had the damndest time trying to get these things, and I usually just ended up crosseyed and had to lay down for a while.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_05.jpg
Paul Revere Middle School has their fingers on the pulse of America. It was pretty unanimously agreed in 1995 that Cher and croquet were not cool.
Slang Patrol's definition of "to die for" is another one of those "they're trying way too hard" moments. Nowadays, a week without MTV would be something to kill for.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_06.jpg
Boy, how embarrassing must it be for Christina Ricci to know that she's going to grow up to be Rosie O'Donnell.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_07.jpg
It's a neat bit of useless information, but we really don't care how many hairs Woody has on his head; we care about his development as a character. Sadly, this is a key piece of information that no studio except Pixar seems to grasp.
This was right about the time in my life when I was really getting hyped up for Toy Story. Now it's 15 years later, I've seen the third one, and man, do I feel old.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_08.jpg
Yeah, that looks safe.
The mid-90s were a time when seemingly any teenage celebrity siblings could get their own show. The most I remember about "Brotherly Love" was the inimitable Mike McShane as Lloyd, the dopey mechanic. That guy's funny anywhere.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_09.jpg
As I've mentioned before, I never really watched "Gargoyles" when I was a kid, and I'm really kicking myself over it now. It drives me nuts that Disney won't release the second half of Season 2 on DVD, 'cause apparently, that's where all the best episodes are. (I've heard enough horror stories about Season 3, I don't care what they do with that one.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_10.jpg
When I was at ConnectiCon in Hartford, Connecticut this year, I saw hundreds of Japanese anime figures that looked exactly like the characters they were modeled after, right down to the absolute smallest detail. And then I look at these American-made "Sailor Moon" dolls and I just shake my head. Just one more thing that Japan does so much better than us.
And now, a brief personal anecdote: my girlfriend and I are thinking up ideas for cosplay couples in case we go to Anime Boston next year, and one idea I pitched was Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask. She says she doesn't look good in blonde wigs, though, so I guess that's out. (Kagome and Inuyasha it is, then.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1195_11.jpg
Anyway, back to the skyscrapers of New York City. I knew I had to scan these interviews 'cause Keith David is just personified awesome. The fact that he got the best song in The Princess and the Frog just cinches it. These other guys are still working too, much to my delight - Bill Fagerbakke is Patrick to Tom Kenny's SpongeBob, and Jeff Bennett is all over shows like "Chowder" and "Flapjack". (He also mutilated Yosemite Sam's voice in Looney Tunes: Back in Action, but I'm willing to forgive him for that.)

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Man, R.L. Stine is a real stand-up guy. He gets fan mail asking him to send a kid his garbage, and he actually does it! Now that's devotion to your fanbase.

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November brings about another Scary Story Contest winner, and Tavia Wineman takes home the honors this year with her self-insert story "The Box". Thankfully, Cameron Diaz and Frank Langella are nowhere to be seen.

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In keeping with the Halloween festivities, Sean "Mr. Adventure" Plottner explores some more haunted houses. Actually, he did this every year for Halloween for three years. Surely, there must be other creepy adventures to have? What, DA couldn't afford a trip to Transylvania or something?

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AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
...Also, what kind of jerk names their kid Ima Hogg?

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It's Revolution '95! Just, uh, just give Nintendo a minute to catch up here...okay, maybe a few minutes...here, just keep playing the Virtual Boy. Hold on to this bucket just in case.

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So who wants to be the one to tell the IOC that nobody in America thinks Izzy is cool?

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Aw man, I hate it when I get issues from eBay with ripped pages!...Oh wait.

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It's Halloween in New York, the one night when Goliath and the gang can walk the streets without seeming horrifically out of place. But of course, leave it to Demona to get her hands on a holographic transmaterializer to wreck everybody's fun. Party pooper!

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Aw, thanks a lot, Goliath, you just cut short what could have been the most epic catfight ever!

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Meanwhile, this Goof Troop comic (with more beautiful Stephen DeStefano artwork) spoofs The Adventures of Milo and Otis, only with Waffles and Chainsaw. Nice that they're referencing this stuff at the height of its popularity. And in the spirit of a Woodland Critter Christmas, in the end it all turns out to be Pistol's tea party fabrication. What a warped little kid.

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Place thumbs here. And if you needed that spelled out for you, well, maybe you're not the video game type.
I find it ironic that the action in the Batman Forever Tiger handheld corresponds more closely to the laws of physics than the action in the movie did.

J. B. Warner
09-09-2010, 11:57 AM
Also, it's time for the Next 9 Disney Adventures Archives! Or at least my next 9, anyway. Nobody else take these!

- Summer 1999. Matthew Broderick is Inspector Gadget for some reason, the hairy results of the first annual DA Pet Contest, Team Rocket tears up Mt. Moon, Wild Wild West is not a kids’ movie, B*Witched in the 24th ˝ Century, and the boring double lives of Jett Jackson.
- December 2004/January 2005. Winter Movie Preview! Design your own Incredibles costume, Nicholas Cage becomes a national friggin’ treasure, and SpongeBob and Patrick do America; plus, the weirdest toys you won’t be getting this Christmas, Helen Parr tries not to be super, and the Jet Pack Pets turn out yet another dumb story.
- April 1993. Patrick Stewart beams us aboard “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, the complete guide to grunge fashion, the DA Orienteers show us the thrill of reading maps, Max Goof gets everything wrong, Darkwing Duck plays union buster, and another one of those Lego comics that nobody ever reads.
- January 1998. Pierce Brosnan spills about Tomorrow Never Dies, no fun whatsoever is had in Home Alone 3, Nathan Lane fights a mouse and loses, the long and glorious history of G.I. Joe, Gran’ma Ben takes on a whole forest full of Rat Creatures, and D and A make their excruciatingly unfunny final appearance.
- June/July 2006. The motorized stars of Cars park at DA for an interview, what’s so super about Superman Returns (answer: nothing), Who Would Win pits two generations of Hot Topic prowlers against each other, Wendy Wu is so stealthy that nobody even notices her, the Scarecrow rides again, and the Lilo and Stitch franchise completely runs out of ideas.
- February 1997. Jim Jinkins reveals just how much of a Gary Stu Doug Funnie really is, all the pointless changes made to Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Howard Stern somehow makes it into the pages of DA, a crash course in Beatles history, the Mighty Ducks stick it to “The X-Files”, and a handy-dandy guide to writing a megahit pop song (it really, really works!)
- April 1994. My Dinner With the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, the endlessly fascinating logbook of a real-life astronaut, the first hints of just how messed up Thumbelina was, Bonkers meets his darkest suspect yet, lose weight fast on the Rescue Rangers diet, and the very first installment of Bone!
- May 2002. We know you’ll volunteer in your community ‘cause Lizzie McGuire told you to, Spider-Man gets his own Pop-Tarts, the Third Annual DA Book Awards, M&M’s present Decision ‘02, the further uneventful adventures of the Spy Kids, and Lilo clears the beaches like only she can.
- Summer 1990. The REAL first issue ever! Scrooge McDuck stares down a rhinoceros, Dale takes up photography (much to the annoyance of his fellow Rescue Rangers), it’s the early ‘90s so here’s what you can do to save the planet, the oddly-colored adventures of Baloo and Kit, plus puffins, gymnastics, sneakers, magicians, magnet trains, skateboards, and just about anything else you can cram into 128 pages!

Once I get to Summer 1990, I'll wrap up this thread and launch Part 4!

TenPoundHammer
09-09-2010, 12:24 PM
Do you have that Emperor's New Groove issue that I never found? If so, I'd love to see it.

As a matter of fact, I do. I'll do that one next then.


Hey, one of those Magic Eye things! Froggy!
Can you figure this thing out? 'Cause I never could. I always had the damndest time trying to get these things, and I usually just ended up crosseyed and had to lay down for a while.

I chalk it up to lousy eyesight, myself. I've always been terribly nearsighted, and I used to have a lazy eye. Even now, one of my eyes is a tiny bit off-kilter.


...and Jeff Bennett is all over shows like "Chowder" and "Flapjack".

He's also Kowalski on The Penguins of Madagascar, who is probably second to Brooklyn for my favorite character voiced by Jeff Bennett. (Johnny Bravo is a very close third.)

TenPoundHammer
09-09-2010, 02:28 PM
Boom, baby! It's the special collector's issue dedicated to the cult Disney film that everyone but Michael Eisner loves — The Emperor's New Groove.


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Not surprisingly, Kuzco is on the cover.


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Here's the game where knowledge is king and Lady Luck is queen! Oh wait, wrong Joker.


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Left: I don't know which part I like better. "Duh… it's me" or the fact that "comic mischief" gets an E rating. Also, for a movie tie-in, this game looks decent.
Right: Kuzco even takes the editor's place in the opening.


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Left: Three different games based on the Sabrina franchise, for three different platforms. I think the version where Salem has Norbert's voice is all right, but that animated series looks like it has about the same production levels as the Bratz franchise.
Right: Kuzco Kuzco Kuzco. It really is all about him. Expect a lot more mileage out of the "it's all about me" gag; there's even a drawing of him on the personnel page saying "Ignore those names on the right — I run things at this magazine!"


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Sanctified mother of crud. Do these guys not know what spoilers are?


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This is more like it: a little view of the village. I want to use the name "Chachabamba" in something.


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Pacha offers up some amusing proverbs. I think the fish one is my favorite.


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http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/chicken2.png?t=1284056246

Left: Mort the Chicken, a game no one remembers. Not even Wikipedia.
Right and next two pages: The first of several comics in this issue, drawn by… Ken Penders?!? Fancy meeting you here!

The comic progresses with Pacha chasing after a llama to put a bonnet on it, but he ends up with the bonnet on himself and the inspector assuming him to be one.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/hide.png?t=1284056270

Steven Butler, another Sonic the Hedgehog alumnus, did the pencilwork ond this simple one-pager.


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A look at Kuzcotopia. Isn't rampant anachronism fun?


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More Steven Butler art and a script that feels a lot more in-character. Kuzco sends stand-ins to handle diplomatic matters and hilarity ensues.


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Left: Told you they'd milk the "all about me" premise.
Right: A spinoff video game for a terrible sequel to a movie not meant for kids, two years after said sequel came out. What moron greenlit this?


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"Day one: The doctor spanked my butt and cleaned fluids off me. I spent most of the day crying and sleeping."

"Day two: Still crying and sleeping."

"Day three. Still crying and sleeping."

Considering how absent the fourth wall is in the movie, I'm surprised it took them that long to come up with a fourth wall gag among all these comics.


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Yzma offers tips on being an evil genius. My favorite is #7, although #9 gets bonus points for the "arson murder and jaywalking" punchline.


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Most of the comics were written by the same guy. I think by then, he was starting to run out of ideas. I mean, seriously, "scroll"er coaster?!


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The next comic involves Yzma taking over at Kuzcofest for a sick Kuzco. Yzma takes control of the festival by denying food to the peasants, but Kuzco is able to trick Kronk into turning things around so that they get food.

I still think they're making Kuzco look a little too femmy.


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Indirect Buck Owens reference for the win.


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A rather funny segment wherein Kronk serves as an advice columnist. He also recommends hiding clocks and painting blue sky on the window to help parents lose track of time, and then suggests that a kid who's scared of the dentist treat his teeth as pets.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/dayoff.png?t=1284056726

In this comic, Kronk gets a day off and wreaks havoc in the process. And oddly, this one's drawn by someone not associated with Archie Comics: Erik Doescher, who did some work with DC and drew the Wild Thornberrys comics in Nickelodeon magazine.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/squirrel.png?t=1284056779

Left: This is an awful lot like the Garfield strip where Jon sees the banana peel on the floor, then turns to Garfield and says that he'll have to try harder… before falling into a hole that Garfield cut in the floor.
Right: Just like with many other foreign languages, the only words I know how to say in Squirrel are the dirty words. (Insert your own "nut" joke here.)


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/shoe.png?t=1284056803

Left: Yeah, really running out of ideas…
Right: These things had books? I'm curious as to how much changed for the junior novel version of Groove.


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Left: And keeping with the theme, Last Laugh is retitled Last Groove. This is actually better than their enduring Last Laugh formula of "present lame premise and three even lamer takes on the same."
Right: And then a Game Boy Color game ad. This one doesn't look too bad either.

The back-cover ad is for Lisa Frank, a franchise that makes me glad that my sister has always been a tomboy. I'd scan it, but I don't want you vomiting rainbows the rest of the day.

Darklordavaitor
09-09-2010, 03:53 PM
Thanks for putting the Gargoyles issue up, man. Great read. I also appreciate the Emperor's New Groove one, even if that wasn't as fun to read.



As I've mentioned before, I never really watched "Gargoyles" when I was a kid, and I'm really kicking myself over it now. It drives me nuts that Disney won't release the second half of Season 2 on DVD, 'cause apparently, that's where all the best episodes are. (I've heard enough horror stories about Season 3, I don't care what they do with that one.)
Huh. Most people tend to think the show peaked before the Avalon arc, which is where things get a little weird. There are still plenty of good episodes from that part of the show, though, especially when Goliath, Eliza and Angela return to New York.



(He also mutilated Yosemite Sam's voice in Looney Tunes: Back in Action, but I'm willing to forgive him for that.)
True, Bennett's Sam wasn't too great, but I thought that he did a decent Foghorn.

My favorite Jeff roles? I really like Owen, Johnny Bravo, and The Huntsman myself.

TenPoundHammer
09-09-2010, 09:34 PM
My favorite Jeff roles? I really like Owen, Johnny Bravo, and The Huntsman myself.

And let's not forget that he also voiced Candle Jack, a character from Fre

Peter Paltridge
09-09-2010, 09:56 PM
Gargoyles issue
What are they talking about when they discuss all the hairs on Woody's head? Look at his exposed head in Toy Story 2. It is one plastic swirl, nothing more.

My copy of the November '95 issue doesn't include the Brotherly Love ad. How weird.

Kuzco issue
Disney always thoroughly spoiled their animated movies in their own magazine, especially in the comic adaptions. Their Lion King one had some different dialogue....I was disappointed when the Laughing Hyenas never said in regards to Zazu, "Don't you give ME the bird."

I remember, of all things, IGN's review of Mort the Chicken. They hated it.

There was also a behind-the-scenes article in EGM about "the making of a horrible game" where their source legally couldn't say what game it was, but it was obviously Blues Brothers 2000. Titus was a mess. It's no coincidence they also made Superman 64.

J. B. Warner
09-14-2010, 12:46 PM
Go go gadget archive! It's time for Summer 1999!

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This month, we delve deep into the secret files of Inspector Subscription Sticker.

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I never played Pokémon Pinball - I'm a loyalist to the main series of RPGs. I've never been able to get into all these side games like Mystery Dungeon and Trozei. The thrill of capturing and training is what lured me into Pokémon in the first place, so why bother with games that don't let you do that?

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The theme to this month's Mailbox involves rewriting the endings of movies you weren't satisfied with. I don't know what Colleen B. is thinking - Hopper's death in A Bug's Life was downright epic, and one of the most satisfying villain conclusions in all of Pixar's films. It's like Syndrome in The Incredibles or Charles Muntz in Up; after all the reprehensible things he's done, you kinda want to see him get snuffed.

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This really works! I remember there was a TV version of this ad too, where the red ring lingered for 15 seconds and then suddenly disappeared, and you just went "Whoa..."

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Another month, another Disney Channel Original Movie. I remember this one; it's basically The Nutty Professor for kids. Also, Charlie Fleischer is in it, lending further weight to my theory that Who Framed Roger Rabbit is the only movie he did where he wasn't skin-scrapingly annoying.

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Can you imagine if Prince Charles was a Mousketeer? He wouldn't even need the hat.

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If you think the ABC Family Channel is bad now, you should have seen it when it was the Fox Family Channel. I don't think they ever had a series that was worth watching. At least after ABC bought them, they got "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" reruns.

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The first part of the three-part reprint of Nintendo Power's "Pokémon" comic is in this issue. Like all episodes of "Pokémon", I gained a newfound respect for "Clefairy and the Moon Stone" after I read the Dogasu's Backpack comparison (http://dogasu.bulbagarden.net/comparisons/kanto/ep006.html) for it. Turns out Seymour wasn't nearly this annoying in the Japanese version.

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At the time I first read this issue in July 1999, I had just barely begun to comprehend what Pokémon was. I had heard the Team Rocket motto before, but only transcribed on the Internet and with no indication of what it was from, so I thought they were song lyrics. (I kept wondering why I never heard it on the radio.) This cleared up all my confusion and really got me interested in watching the anime.
And yes, the Team Rocket motto is yet another part of this show that's better in Japanese (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMkQYyToBYY).

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The results of the first annual Disney Adventures Cool Pet Contest are in. How lonely do you have to be to start a fan club for your cat? I'm guessing by the time Christina K. grows up, she'll have a lot more cats than just Leo.
I didn't know hamsters did anything cool. My girlfriend used to have one, but all it did was roll around in its ball. Though it did play dead once and really scared the crap out of all of us when we thought it'd been crushed under its exercise wheel.

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When people think "bad live-action movies based on '80s cartoons", Inspector Gadget is one of the first to come to mind - it's become synonymous with failure. It just got absolutely everything wrong, including the Gadgetmobile (if you didn't hate D.L. Hughley before, you will after seeing this) and especially Dr. Claw. Rule number one of "Inspector Gadget": you never see Dr. Claw's face. How hard is that to remember?
I'm surprised the Nostalgia Critic hasn't done this yet. It's practically custom-made for him.

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Much like the August 1994 issue five years prior, here's a trip across America to some of the strangest tourist traps ever built. And again, I wouldn't be surprised if more than half of these don't exist anymore.

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Yeah, 'cause Wild Wild West was kid-friendly. Never mind all the male and female anatomy jokes, or the scene where Will Smith almost gets lynched by a racist mob. Kids gotta learn about that stuff sooner or later, right?

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Hey, Spike, Yugi called, he wants his hair back.

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With the year 2000 bearing down on the calendar, Warner Bros. was quick to pump out a Looney Tunes merchandising blitz to celebrate the new Mil-Looney-Um (GET IT? Hur-hur...) And the quality was about what you'd expect. From what I read about this game, the graphics sucked and the controls were impossible. "Carl Stalling sez: 'It will never work!'"

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Around this time, DA launched a very short-lived section called Icky Food, which was recipes for food that looked gross but tasted great. I'm actually tempted to make this one, but without the bean sprouts, 'cause damn, that looks like a tasty burger.

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Actually, I think the real reason most celebrities change their names is because real names don't look good on movie posters. Would anybody have gone to see Mission: Impossible if it starred Thomas C. Mapother IV?
"Me and Caspar Weinberger are gonna beat this!"

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Bernerd and Squatty were still several months away, so at this point, the Comic Zone was being introduced by Sketch, Scratch, and Skuddles here. Serviceable, sure, but how many monkey jokes does one society need?

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RRRRRGH! I HATE THE SUPER MUSIC ACTION READY TEAM!
...Anyway, this month, B*Witched are performing a concert on the moon for no reason, and this alien Danny DeVito type tries to crush them with a meteor shower. Despite my best wishes, he fails miserably.

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Remember "The Famous Jett Jackson"? It was a Disney Channel original series about a kid celebrity who had to balance his life of stardom and his school/social life. It's eleven years later, and the Disney Channel is still recycling this tired old premise (y hlo thar, Hannah Montana). Just how out of ideas are they?

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This gag is almost a bust until you get to "Grape". Then it actually becomes funny, a real rarity for the Last Laugh.

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The Nestle Quik Bunny is like Bugs Bunny without the charm. Nonetheless, mixing Quik is one of those nostalgic things about your childhood that everybody remembers - except for today's kids, who can buy pre-mixed chocolate milk already in the bottle. Things was better in my day, I tells ye - we had to churn our Quik by hand, and we liked it that way!

TenPoundHammer
09-14-2010, 02:04 PM
I vaguely recall having this issue a long time ago. I don't even know how I ended up subscribing to it, but it looks like my subscription ran from 1998 to 2000, judging from the mangled remains of back issues in my basement.


Much like the August 1994 issue five years prior, here's a trip across America to some of the strangest tourist traps ever built. And again, I wouldn't be surprised if more than half of these don't exist anymore.

Why is a smiley face water tower noteworthy? There're tons of those. There's one not an hour from where I live, even.


This gag is almost a bust until you get to "Grape". Then it actually becomes funny, a real rarity for the Last Laugh.

Proof that Arson Murder and Jaywalking (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ArsonMurderAndJaywalking) is always funny.

Peter Paltridge
09-14-2010, 02:12 PM
How dumb did they think kids were if they thought they'd believe Chelsea Clinton was a former Mousketeer? Or even Prince Charles?

I think you scanned part 2 of the Jett Jackson comic in another thread. It makes no sense to me. And yeah, when Hannah Montana premiered I thought of Jett.They've made this show before and they'll make it again, as long as kids want to be stars.

8tucker7
09-14-2010, 05:27 PM
Brief November 1995 fact. The bar at the top either had R.L. Stine or a thing that said Stamps Inside!

J. B. Warner
09-22-2010, 11:42 AM
This should put you in a jolly mood!...Or maybe not, considering what era of the magazine it comes from. Here's December 2004/January 2005!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_01.jpg
I should be used to these kinds of covers by now, but it's still a head trip to see Harry Potter, Mr. incredible, and SpongeBob SquarePants all in the same place. It's like some kind of weird DeviantArt collage.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_02.jpg
I guess Spyro lasted longer than I thought. But you know, when you render these characters in ultra-realistic paints like that, they look eerily like fursuiters. And now I'm all creeped out.

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For a while, DA had this thing called Mike's Super Short Show. I don't know if it was based on a segment from the Disney Channel or something, but it's basically made to look like a homemade webcast in which two kids shill for whatever new Disney product is available this month. As if that wasn't annoying enough, it's all typed in Comic Sans. Whee.

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"Dear Disney Adventures, can you please do an issue all about my favorite Nickelodeon show?"
"Well, little Wendy, allow us to explain the concept of 'corporate synergy' to you..."

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The Disney Adventures calendars never stopped evolving, it seems. Though nothing will top the awesome designs they had in the mid-'90s, the layouts they had in the mid-'00s were pretty cool too. Also, they did this thing where you could write in with your birthday and they might mention it on the calendar. Then you'd probably be getting gifts from all over the country.
This month's header raises an interesting question - if a snowman eats a snow cone, is that considered cannibalism?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_06.jpg
This looked awful. And from what my girlfriend tells me (she's seen a lot of bad kids' movies), my suspicions were right on the money, Hell, the sidekicks were wisecracking flies. It doesn't get much more bottom-of-the-barrel than that.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_07.jpg
And thus, Robert Zemeckis' bizarre, inexplicable love affair with creepy dead-eyed CGI mo-cap begins.
Jack Black says he'd hate to be famous for being lame. Um, you wanna tell him, or should I?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_08.jpg
Pokémon nostalgia was all the rage in the winter of 2004, thanks to the release of FireRed and LeafGreen. It's what got me back into the series after a long hiatus - I wanted a chance to relive my Blue game, which I'd glitched to death five years before. FireRed remains the first Pokémon game in which I defeated the Elite Four without the aid of any cheating, and I'm quite proud of that. But I still wouldn't be caught dead in that jacket.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_09.jpg
The Winter Movie Preview begins! DA already talked about The Incredibles at length last month, so here's something superhero-y that they threw together in a hurry. The kid who owned this magazine before me already filled it in - and he did a pretty good job. Heck, I'd read the exploits of Weatherman.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_10.jpg
I knew it! The Freemasons run Disney Adventures!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_11.jpg
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie seems like the kind of cinematic event better suited for Nickelodeon Magazine to cover (and I'm sure they did), but DA throws in too. Naturally, since this is the '00s and the magazine had gotten a lot more condescending at this point, they pretend to interview SpongeBob. But they also actually talk to Stephen Hillenburg, which redeems this article a little bit.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_12.jpg
What bugs me about Kingdom Hearts is that they keep going back to the same five or six worlds over and over again; there are still so many Disney universes left untapped. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Emperor's New Groove, The Princess and the Frog, and "Kim Possible" would all make for frickin' awesome levels. (And why not a "Phineas and Ferb" level? This series needs to lighten up once in a while anyway.)

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_13.jpg
Speaking of Kim Possible, here she is again as the official spokeswoman for the Disney Adventures All-Star program. The main incentive was to get kids volunteering in their community. I'm sure most kids did it just to get the party.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_14.jpg
This is a December issue, so here's a look at all the must-have toys and gadgets for the holiday season. Y'know, I'm no racing fan, but Dale Earnhardt had been dead for almost four years - sending his mass-produced plastic likeness zipping around on an overpriced toy go-kart seems kind of disrespectful, don'tcha think?
Also, what the hell is the deal with that smoothie maker? What, does it walk off the counter and deliver your drink right to you?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_15.jpg
It baffles me that there are full-grown adults out there who watch PBS Kids non-ironically. The whole "Arthur" pantheon doesn't strike me as something that anyone over the age of five could appreciate, yet people keep likening it to "The Simpsons", for God's sake. I say we bring back Bill Nye - at least he had a show that didn't talk down to you.

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The nice thing about the Verb campaign is that it doesn't matter how ineffective it is - when the kids of America continue to slump between the couch cushions and shovel Ding Dongs into their drooling maws while watching their seventh straight rerun of "The Wizards of Waverly Place", at least the advertisers can say "Hey, we tried."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_17.jpg
What December issue would be complete without the Disney Adventures Holiday Wishlist, a quick and easy way to cram sixteen advertisements into four pages? Nice shout-out to the "Garfield and Friends" DVDs, by the way.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_18.jpg
This nicely-drawn Incredibles comic delves into the stresses faced by Helen Parr as she tries to go about her day without using her superpowers. That's one of the things I love about the premise of The Incredibles - how frustrating must it be to have the ability to do amazing things, yet live in a society that forbids you to do them? - and this comic captures that quite well. I'd say it's the best comic in the Zone this month.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_19.jpg
And that's primarily because just about everything else this month is pure fluff. Like "Gorilla Gorilla", for instance. Sheesh, Art Balthazar, for once in your life, just finish a damn story.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_20.jpg
Then there's the Jet Pack Pets, whom I continue to loathe with all my might. This...words can't describe how stupid this is. Just read it and shake your head disapprovingly.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_21.jpg
And this drives me even more nuts - another space-filler "Kim Possible" comic slapped together from stock poses and backgrounds. I don't hate Rufus, I just hate people who think he's the best thing about the show. Like Steve Behling, for instance.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_22.jpg
What do you have to be high on to think this is funny?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_23.jpg
Yeah, seems like a sweet gig, until you get there and you find out there's no cable.

Peter Paltridge
09-22-2010, 01:42 PM
Spyro was running on fumes, actually. His original developers gave the license away a long time ago.

Mikes Super Short Show is Super Obnoxious. It's very obviously an ad since no kid actually talks that way.

Only DA would pay any attention to Thunderbirds arriving on DVD -- this movie was yanked from all theaters after two weeks because its box office was so poor.

Why is Nintendo advertising Pokemon Box? You could only buy it directly from them -- i.e. from the New York Nintendo Store.

The reason Kingdom Hearts games keep going to the same places is because there hasn't been a REAL sequel, aka a Kingdom Hearts III, since 2004. So to keep the brand fresh they just make handheld derivatives over and over. The makers of KH are currently still working on an FF13 spinoff game and won't start it until they finish that one. This bites because FF13 was loathed by most and a spinoff isn't gonna sell. And...boy, I hope Square isn't expecting us to have memorized all these weird back stories by the time #3 arrives.

Darklordavaitor
09-22-2010, 01:54 PM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/1204_03.jpg
For a while, DA had this thing called Mike's Super Short Show. I don't know if it was based on a segment from the Disney Channel or something, but it's basically made to look like a homemade webcast in which two kids shill for whatever new Disney product is available this month. As if that wasn't annoying enough, it's all typed in Comic Sans. Whee.

Yep, this was a Disney Channel thing as well. Lasted a few years from what I can recall, too.

I was going to mention this in my VMAs archive when I got to the aughts(whenever I get time to finish the 90's), but this little girl started off dancing in this Missy Elliot video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjIvu7e6Wq8) and grew up to appear in supporting roles in pretty much every Disney Channel production ever. On the top of my head, she had roles in the original Suite Life, both Camp Rocks, and is currently the voice of Isabella in Phineas & Ferb. I'm sure she was in even more.

Zorak Masaki
09-22-2010, 03:33 PM
Was Jet Pack Pets some toy line from the mid-2000s or something? It sure looks that way, but i dont recall seeing any hype for it (maybe they made the comics in anticipation of the toy line, and when the line flopped or wasnt made they used the comics as filler).

mobo85
09-22-2010, 05:52 PM
Yes, "Mike's Super Short Show" was a Disney Channel advertisement thing promoting whatever DVD Disney had out at the time. It was later replaced with a faux newscast with kid reporters called "Really Short Report," and has now been replaced with "Leo Little's Big Show," which is basically the same thing as "Mike's Super Short Show" but with different actors since I guess Alyson Stoner and the other guy aren't really kids anymore. (Not that it matters any to Disney what age someone is- heck, both Hannah Montana's older brother and the black girl from "High School Musical" were nearly 30. Must be that secret anti-growth formula they feed them. Or maybe they really are genetically engineered (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZgXg_7kVI8).)

Speaking of Disney Channel, there's two shows that didn't last long- Brandy and Mr. Whiskers, part of the long line of animated failures that paved the road between Kim Possible and Phineas and Ferb, and Phil of the Future, which from rumors I've read was derailed due to Alyson Michalka (or at least her parents) got too big for her britches and demanded more...just like Hilary Duff. Now you're on the CW opposite a former Disney star who actually has a career outside of singing (and if who fails can always fall back on voice acting, based on the very good job she does in her current gig with the Mouse). Happy? For that matter, we've got Frankie Muniz, who hasn't done anything after Malcolm in the Middle went off the air and is apparently some sort of race car driver now, Lemony Snicket, an actually pretty good film based on a very clever series of children's books that failed to become the franchise Paramount hoped it would be, and Thunderbirds, another flop based on an old TV show the target audience probably never heard of and a film which is pretty much only known nowadays for starring Vanessa Huuuuuuuuuuuudgens before she became famous in "High School Musical"...and then became famous again for less Disney-friendly reasons. I think the only two things that have survived on that calendar are Raven-Symoné and Ryan Seacrest. Surprisingly.

Weather Man's emblem is pretty awesome. And I'm sure Edna Mode is happy he took her advice.

Uh...yeah. Put me in that category of people over the age range who watch kids shows on PBS sometimes. I've kind of lost track of Arthur over the years, but WordGirl is surprisingly good- basically it's Bullwinkle with a superhero and a vocabulary motif. (And as far as Postcards from Buster, the Arthur spinoff shown here, is concerned, it's probably most famous for making headlines when the head of the Department of Education- still under the Bush White House, not surprisingly- refused to approve of an episode which featured a child in Vermont who happened to have what Heather had, if you know what I mean, despite the fact that they never specifically pointed it out or used the L-word- and yes, this time it is the one Scott Pilgrim's thinking of.)

Kiddington
09-22-2010, 06:04 PM
I seen Racing Stripes (yeah yeah... don't laugh) and yes, I can tell you it was a VERY bad movie. David Spade's fly character was actually the funniest part of the whole thing... and that's just wrong.

That Pokemon jacket is... well, you know, I'm not really quite sure how to put it. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I still like older Pokemon games, but wow... I just couldn't imagine walking around in public, wearing that thing. I can already hear the random snickers from people passing by.

...and I STILL remember that Campbell's Soup "castle" campaign. The TV commercials for it were aired ad nauseum for the longest time. I wonder who actually won (if anyone really did).

Kitschensyngk
09-22-2010, 08:28 PM
I remember seeing a "Mike's Super Short Show" segment once where they went crazy about a Rolie Polie Olie movie.

Which age group did they cater to again?

8tucker7
09-23-2010, 08:06 PM
In October 2004 kids opened the mailbox to see.... SPONGEBOB COMING RIGHT AT THEM! Then they realized it was the new issue of Nickelodeon Magazine.

J. B. Warner
09-30-2010, 11:15 AM
All power to the engines, Warp Factor 7, and...engage. It's time for April 1993!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_01.jpg
This is one of those "iconic" DA covers. Though "Star Trek: The Next Generation" was in its next-to-last season at this point; I don't know why they waited until now to do a cover story on it.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_02.jpg
As demonstrated here, candy is the essential cornerstone of all human mating rituals.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_03.jpg
"What can I do if I'm worried about the rainforest?" Well, you could go on and on about how something needs to be done and then continue to not do anything. That's what everyone else does.
This month's Slang Patrol sounds like it came from a Frankie Avalon movie. Get ready for the bettys 'cause the bettys are ready for you.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_04.jpg
Coming soon to theaters: three movies nobody will remember in 17 years!
I find it surprising that Disney still re-released their old animated movies theatrically in the '90s. You'd think that practice would have ended after the advent of home video, but no - I distinctly remember the 1993 re-release of Pinocchio. Burger King had inflatable beach toys based on the movie. I got a blow-up Monstro. Yep.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_05.jpg
Off we go to where no fan has gone before. I used to think a life in TV was glamorous, until I started reading articles like this and discovered what mind-numbing work it really is. "Scene 1, take 24..."

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Despite Patrick Stewart getting the cover, the interview goes to LeVar Burton, who's very verbose about everything. Years of hosting "Reading Rainbow" will do wonders for your vocabulary, I guess.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_07.jpg
Here's a handy fashion guide detailing all the latest looks. Those of you who are too young to remember the '90s may scratch your head at this stuff, and you have every right to. The '90s were all about comfort, not style, so it didn't matter how ugly your flannel shirt looked or how baggy your jeans were. Though personally, I'd still take the grunge look over this decade's hipster movement any day.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_08.jpg
It's April, so naturally, DA is quick with the April Fools' jokes. This "Goof Troop" comic is filled with over a hundred intentional mistakes, and if you found every single one, you could win a contest. I can tell that they had fun drawing this one.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_09.jpg
The Big Adventure this month is all about the oceans of the world and the wonders they contain. Like these weird fish, for example. Say, clownfish are pretty cool - they should make a movie about 'em!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_10.jpg
And while the sea may be fascinating, here's a quick little reminder that it will murder you if it gets the chance.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_11.jpg
Then there's this article on the DA Orienteering Team. I'm not entirely sure what orienteering is - as far as I can tell, it's basically "capture the flag" on the scale of a national forest.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_12.jpg
Here's the first of many Lego ads that form an ongoing saga throughout the 1993 issues. I never read these things. I still don't, actually.

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Joe Rocket: the thrilling exploits of smart people with nothing to do.

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I will say this, though, between the Big Adventures and Joe Rocket and Weird Yet True, these '90s issues are incredibly informative, and that's what I love about them. You can learn more from just one issue than you'd likely learn from a day in school. Unfortunately, it's all the interesting educational stuff that got dumped as the years went on, which is what makes the '00s issues so annoying.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_15.jpg
Splash Mountain was new in 1993? Huh, for an attraction based on Song of the South, I would have guessed it had been around since at least the '60s.
One of these days, I'm going to go back to Disney World, I swear. I haven't been since 1995 - things have changed quite a lot since then.

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Part two of a rather boring "Dinosaurs" comic is in this issue. Robbie is running for class president and his opponent is the popular kid whom everyone loves (gosh, never heard this plot before). Of course, to make this a little more prehistoric, the catch is that if Robbie doesn't throw the election, the opponent's dad will eat Earl. I understand this is how Richard Nixon got into office.
At one point, the opposing party kidnaps Baby Sinclair. How does that go?

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About as well as you'd think.

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Then there's the first half of a two-part "Darkwing Duck" story in which Darkwing is invited to join the Super Power Union and rudely declines. As a result, Mr. Wonderful here (that's really his name) starts foiling more crimes than Darkwing and becomes a media star. But what's the twist?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_19.jpg
DUN-DUN-DUNNNNN!

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You know, it always bugs me when I see Looney Tunes promotional art that depicts Taz spinning like this, where the top half of his body is stationary and the bottom half is encased in a tornado. How does that even work?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0493_21.jpg
The Cryptkeeper was scary enough as it is. Then Anna Nicole Smith had to go and marry him.

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The back cover has a rather complicated M&M's maze. Looks like this issue's previous owner had a bit of trouble completing it.

Peter Paltridge
09-30-2010, 01:36 PM
As demonstrated here, candy is the essential cornerstone of all human mating rituals.
They used to run candy ads targeting teens all the time. I guess they don't eat as much candy anymore.

In part 2 of the Darkwing story, somebody appears called "Ulti-Man" (still a duck) and everybody knows who he is but won't specifically identify his position. He's some big important guy....but I never saw him before or afterward in the comics, and never on the show. Where'd he come from??

That fashion article dared to use the word "groovy" at one point. That was the only thing that really stood out to me. "Oops--we forgot we're writing to 90's children for a second."

Splash Mountain opened in 1989, and Disney was less shy about Song of the South back then. I had a Book and Tape based on the Tar Baby story.

The Goof Troop comic was great.

TenPoundHammer
09-30-2010, 03:08 PM
I remember the Goof Troop comic. Someone brought that issue into church and let me read it. I think that was the only part of it that I read. The title card said "Foog Troop," didn't it?

Kitschensyngk
10-01-2010, 12:50 PM
They used to run candy ads targeting teens all the time. I guess they don't eat as much candy anymore.

Either that, or the soccer moms of America would rather have railroad spikes driven into their nostrils than let their kids come into contact with sugar, so they pressure the junk food companies to stop advertising to them.

I remember watching The Adventures of Huck Finn. I remember liking it, too.

I've looked up "orienteering". It's a cross-country race where they give you a map and compass and have you plot your own course. The article mentions that the flags are checkpoints.

TServo2049
10-01-2010, 09:30 PM
Hey, could someone possibly scan the full comics from these issues? Especially the 1990-1996 ones, I'd really love to see those again.

And TenPoundHammer, whenever I try to look at your images, I get a Photobucket "bandwidth exceeded" error...

DarthGonzo
10-01-2010, 10:10 PM
One of you guys really needs to scan and all of these "Disney Afternoon" comics and collect them here in their entirety. I mean that.

dlmx-13
10-02-2010, 08:41 PM
I heard the DA Darkwing Duck comics are all being reprinted in trade paperback form (as the new comic series has sold fairly well).

Peter Paltridge
10-03-2010, 03:12 PM
I heard the DA Darkwing Duck comics are all being reprinted in trade paperback form (as the new comic series has sold fairly well).
I want to believe you, but....legit link, please?

John Pannozzi
10-03-2010, 04:38 PM
I want to believe you, but....legit link, please?

Here ya go. (http://www.boom-studios.net/darkwing-duck-classics-vol-1-tpb.html)

EDIT: By my count, the total page count of all DWD comics (pre-Boom Studios, at least) is 849 (though this admittedly includes a few stories never published in the USA which may or may not be included), so if all volumes of DWD Classics are about 160 pages long, it could theoretically go up to as many as 5 or 6 volumes.

Dr.Pepper
10-03-2010, 04:41 PM
I have been lurking in the bushes around here, but I do love these old Disney Adventures magazines. It is like a blast from the past. Anyways I noticed that in the April 1993 issue had a picture of Marsupalami (probably not spelled right) drawn by a kid named Scott Underwood. I seriously wonder if that is the same Scott Underwood that worked on Ed Edd n Eddy.

Zorak Masaki
10-04-2010, 01:10 AM
They had trading cards (aimed at kids) based on Tales from the Crypt? That was on late night HBO for a REASON. It would be like making a lego set based on watchmen , or (kid-sized) Superjail Halloween costumes. Of course, this was back when the trading card business was all about speculation so i doubt that most people even opened the packs ("its more valuable that way").

Peter Paltridge
10-04-2010, 01:18 AM
Here ya go. (http://www.boom-studios.net/darkwing-duck-classics-vol-1-tpb.html)

EDIT: By my count, the total page count of all DWD comics (pre-Boom Studios, at least) is 849 (though this admittedly includes a few stories never published in the USA which may or may not be included), so if all volumes of DWD Classics are about 160 pages long, it could theoretically go up to as many as 5 or 6 volumes.
A real collection of DA comics? I.....never thought I would see this day. *sniff*

That cover looks a LOT like the Darkwing "Cartoon Tales" book Disney Comics put out in 1992, though. The one adapting Just Us Justice Ducks.

http://www.comics.org/series/34204/
.....wait, that IS the same cover. I've got a feeling we're looking at a placeholder. Either that or this is the laziest thing I've seen in a while.

TenPoundHammer
10-04-2010, 03:06 PM
And TenPoundHammer, whenever I try to look at your images, I get a Photobucket "bandwidth exceeded" error...

Blargh. Quit looking at my images, darn it! :D

Dynamite XI
10-16-2010, 04:54 PM
Hm, I still need to upload some from my collection; the few times that I did it were so much fun. Tomorrow I'll do an archive binge (or I'll re-read the list of posted issues) and figure out which one I'll post.

Problem is, I'm just so darn busy nowadays.

J. B. Warner
02-14-2011, 11:37 AM
My girlfriend and I were poring over my Disney Adventures collection yesterday, and it finally gave me the necessary motivation to end this dry spell and start making articles again! Let's pick up right where I left off with January 1998!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_01.jpg
Kudos to the art department for creating one of the coolest covers yet.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_02.jpg
In case you never saw this, let's just say there's a reason it wasn't included in any retrospectives of the late Leslie Nielsen's best work.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_03.jpg
Aah! Flashbacks! My sister was on a humongous Spice Girls kick from 1996 to 1998, so I ended up being dragged along with her to see this atrocity in theaters. A Hard Day's Night it ain't. And really, it's not a good sign when you have to put a vocabulary list right in the poster just so the audience will know what the hell your "actors" are saying.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_04.jpg
Am I the only one who just 'fessed up whenever I didn't have my homework? Seriously. But hey, at least the "neighbor's car" excuse sounds plausible. I actually did leave my backpack in someone's car once and couldn't get it back for three days. Classes were a breeze that week...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_05.jpg
Wow. They didn't even try, did they?

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_06.jpg
Ah, Ticket, what wealth of entertainment irrelevance bring you me from the depths of the past? Let's see, Nicholas Cage is starring in Tim Burton's Superman? BZZZT! Try again!
Has Brendan Fraser ever been in a good movie, aside from The Mummy? In addition to these, there's also Dudley Do-Right, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, Journey to the Center of the Earth...how does this guy pick his scripts, with a dart and a blindfold?
By the way, I saw For Richer Or Poorer. Holy crap, it's totally not a kids' movie.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_07.jpg
And now that I think of it, the James Bond movies aren't really kid-friendly either, are they? But you know, maybe they were just desperate for an article - this is a January issue, and January has always been a pretty crappy month for movie releases. I know they sure as hell weren't gonna do a cover story on Star Kid.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_08.jpg
"The REAL Hercules! Don't be fooled by that cheap knockoff from Disney!"

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_09.jpg
OH, NOOOO! John Hughes made a third Home Alone movie!
But really, it's not all bad. Somewhere, I'm sure Alex D. Linz is thanking his lucky stars that he didn't turn into Macaulay Culkin.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_10.jpg
Mouse Hunt is an odd movie - it has trouble deciding whether it wants to be a family film or not. One minute, you've got these two goofballs taking more blows to the head than Sylvester ever got going after Tweety, and the next minute Lee Evans is running naked through a string factory and making love to his ex-wife in his dad's old office. But I will say this - Christopher Walken was great as the exterminator. "I WON'T EAT IT! AAARGGH!"

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For a while, DA did this thing in their January issues where they'd provide a pop culture retrospective of the previous year. It always serves as a neat little time capsule - stuff nobody remembers anymore (where the hell did Jonathan Lipnicki go, anyway?), and stuff that'll just never go away (Diddy, I'm looking at you).

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_12.jpg
You can use these top secret classified tips to become a completely undetectable spy!...Assuming nobody else reads this magazine.

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Hell, even this is outdated now! Laptops weighed ten pounds in 1998? That's abut the weight of my "Simpsons World" book - I can't even begin to fathom that. It must have been the freakin' stone age.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_14.jpg
Personally, I find it crazy enough that anybody would willingly strap wood planks to their feet and shoot face-first down the side of a mountain. But doing it in a pack? Jeez, give these people a medal just for surviving that crap.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_15.jpg
As long as America keeps going to war, G.I. Joe will never fade away. "Watch the Vietnam War! Friday nights, after 'Laugh-In'!"
Note that in 1977, Joe became a spaceman. Gee, I wonder what happened that year that got people interested in science-fiction...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_16.jpg
Well, that settles it - when I die, I want my ashes mixed with the ink of my final "Forever 16" collection.

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Well, if it isn't our old friends D and A! Thankfully, this was their final appearance before the comics staff wised up and realized this painfully terrible series deserved to meet an abrupt end. History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_18.jpg
I remember actually liking "Pepper Ann" when I saw it on One Saturday Morning. I don't know how well it holds up today, but if this comic is any indication, it might be just as clever as my memories would indicate.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_19.jpg
If you needed any further evidence as to why Gran'ma Ben is the most badass old woman ever, here you go. And just wait 'til you see her race a herd of cows.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0198_20.jpg
The Air Bud series is still going, believe it or not, and it's really gone off the rails in recent years - for one thing, there's a bunch of dogs now, they're all puppies, and they can talk. I'm not sure how we started at a basketball-playing dog and ended up with The Search for Santa Paws.

Peter Paltridge
02-14-2011, 01:36 PM
Wow. They didn't even try, did they?
I really groaned at the look of that ad too when I saw it (and its slogan is one of the worst I've ever heard. "They" don't say that).


By the way, I saw For Richer Or Poorer. Holy crap, it's totally not a kids' movie.
Actually if you cut off the first third, where Allen and Alley swear their heads off, it would be safe for kids.


"The REAL Hercules! Don't be fooled by that cheap knockoff from Disney!"
Hah, that's probably exactly what they were saying. Slipped right under Disney's nose.


Hell, even this is outdated now! Laptops weighed ten pounds in 1998? That's abut the weight of my "Simpsons World" book - I can't even begin to fathom that. It must have been the freakin' stone age.
It would be ages before I'd handle a real laptop, so I can't verify how the '98 models must have felt.


I remember actually liking "Pepper Ann" when I saw it on One Saturday Morning. I don't know how well it holds up today, but if this comic is any indication, it might be just as clever as my memories would indicate.
Really? Even with "Spank My Cornflake"?

Kitschensyngk
02-14-2011, 02:35 PM
In case you never saw this, let's just say there's a reason it wasn't included in any retrospectives of the late Leslie Nielsen's best work.
I think the people at Disney were just throwing any movie idea at the wall and seeing what stuck. Mr. Magoo, the Air Bud movies, Rocketman, Meet the Deedles...I'm STILL waiting for the Nostalgia Critic to review their bastardization of Inspector Gadget.


Aah! Flashbacks! My sister was on a humongous Spice Girls kick from 1996 to 1998, so I ended up being dragged along with her to see this atrocity in theaters. A Hard Day's Night it ain't. And really, it's not a good sign when you have to put a vocabulary list right in the poster just so the audience will know what the hell your "actors" are saying.

How did they get away with "BUM'S THE WORD" in a kid's magazine? I've been a Monty Python fan since I was nine, so I at least knew what that word means.



Wow. They didn't even try, did they?
What the hell is Star Kid?
(Exactly! -Ed.)



Ah, Ticket, what wealth of entertainment irrelevance bring you me from the depths of the past? Let's see, Nicholas Cage is starring in Tim Burton's Superman? BZZZT! Try again!
Has Brendan Fraser ever been in a good movie, aside from The Mummy? In addition to these, there's also Dudley Do-Right, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, Journey to the Center of the Earth...how does this guy pick his scripts, with a dart and a blindfold?
By the way, I saw For Richer Or Poorer. Holy crap, it's totally not a kids' movie.
I think I'd like to see Tim Burton do Superman.



"The REAL Hercules! Don't be fooled by that cheap knockoff from Disney!"
Subterfuge - the best type of advertising!



You can use these top secret classified tips to become a completely undetectable spy!...Assuming nobody else reads this magazine.
The text at the bottom reads "NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT." I can never resist a good simple substitution cipher.



Hell, even this is outdated now! Laptops weighed ten pounds in 1998? That's abut the weight of my "Simpsons World" book - I can't even begin to fathom that. It must have been the freakin' stone age.
I'm not as freaked out by the fact that laptops weighed ten pounds back then as I am by the fact that they still had trackballs.


I remember actually liking "Pepper Ann" when I saw it on One Saturday Morning. I don't know how well it holds up today, but if this comic is any indication, it might be just as clever as my memories would indicate.
I feel sorry for any kid who grew up watching shows like this and actually BELIEVING that junior high/high school was going to be as cool as the writers made it out to be, only to finally arrive and end up having a miserable adolescence. Having read Martianinvader's essay on his junior high school days, it makes me hate these shows even more.

And GOOD LORD every single cartoon I saw on TV around this time was one of these. It would be about another two years before we finally got Cartoon Network on cable, back when it was still cool.

Lonestarr
02-14-2011, 10:37 PM
Mouse Hunt is an odd movie - it has trouble deciding whether it wants to be a family film or not. One minute, you've got these two goofballs taking more blows to the head than Sylvester ever got going after Tweety, and the next minute Lee Evans is running naked through a string factory and making love to his ex-wife in his dad's old office. But I will say this - Jon Voight was great as the exterminator. "I WON'T EAT IT! AAARGGH!"

I think it's less the fault of the movie than of Dreamworks. Personally, I find it ridiculous that this was pushed as a kid's movie. It seemed like a knee-jerk reaction to the supposedly kid-friendly veneer of the movie (cute mouse, Home Alone-style slapstick, PG rating)...and, of course there's the moment at the auction where Evans tries to grab the mouse that has just jumped down a woman's cleavage. Someone was asleep at the wheel at the studio's marketing department.

And that was Max Schreck himself, Christopher Walken, as the exterminator.

J. B. Warner
04-11-2011, 12:20 PM
With "Forever 16" no longer a daily endeavor, I can devote more of my free time to the archive now. And good timing, too - with Cars 2 just around the corner, it seems like as good a time as any to look back at the movie that launched an eight-billion dollar franchise. Presenting June/July 2006!

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_01.jpg
That "Pull here" thing at the top was for an advertisement that was actually inside the front cover itself, meaning you were supposed to rip the cover off in order to read it. Maybe they shouldn't have put that on a collector's issue.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_02.jpg
Mario's out in front - he's obviously going to nab that Power Star first, leaving his brother with no glory whatsoever. Yet another reason why It Sucks To Be Weegee.

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If I could be in any kind of summer movie, I'd pick one that plays to a very small and specific demographic of geeks, so it doesn't become a blockbuster but enjoys cult status for years to come instead. (Think Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.)

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I think anybody who's spent any length of time in a Hot Topic store has had this discussion. I still have not seen The Corpse Bride (apparently, it proves that Henry Selick was what made The Nightmare Before Christmas awesome, not Tim Burton), but I will admit that Emily's a little more attractive than Sally. Until you remember that they're both dead. And now I need a shower...

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_05.jpg
I don't think "Kid Gravity" will ever stop being lame. Even outside the Comic Zone, it smacks of something written by somebody who has no clue in hell what real kids do or say.

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A Disney Channel production about a teenage girl who balances high school life with fighting off bad guys sounds like a lot of fun...until you find out it's not "Kim Possible".
Speaking of which, I recently found out that Disney currently streams this movie on Netflix On Demand, along with dozens of other Disney Channel Original Movies (including both made-for-TV High School Musicals) and the complete series of shows like "Hannah Montana", "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody", and "Wizards of Waverly Place". And yet, Kim and Ron continue to be buried under a minimum of $100 worth of purchases from the Disney Movie Club. Screw you, Mouse House.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_07.jpg
Off to Radiator Springs we go - taking Route 66, of course. To this day, Cars remains the black sheep of the Pixar filmography, making Disney billions of dollars yet receiving generally mediocre to negative reviews from nearly everyone who watches it (or at least everyone who isn't a little boy between the ages of three and seven). Part of the problem, demonstrated here, is that Pixar backed themselves into that corner they occasionally find themselves in where they have so many characters in one movie that the audience can't possibly get attached to all of them. And Cars 2 is about to heap even more characters on us, so get your notepads ready.

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I maintain, however, that Mater is the funniest and most interesting character in the Cars universe, and since the sequel will focus primarily on him, I'm genuinely excited for it. I usually don't care for these articles where DA tries to make it look like they interviewed a fictional character, but this one's actually pretty damn funny - even more if you read it in Larry the Cable Guy's voice.

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"On my summer vacation this year, I gave a playground ball to an astronaut. The NASA security guys weren't very nice to me..."

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Superman Returns: You'll believe a franchise can die.
As it turns out, Brandon Routh's true powers lay in his veganism, which allow him to kick holes in the moon and punch the highlights right out of your hair. His one weakness? Gelato. Or chicken parmesan. I am SUCH a dork.

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I can't decide what was creepier about Monster House - the house, or the dead-eyed mo-cap characters that explored it.
Musso has sung on the Disney Channel since this interview occurred. That's him as Candace's boyfriend Jeremy on "Phineas and Ferb", belting out the syrupy-sweet ode to apathy "Do-Nothing Day". "Beautiful, kind and gentle and loving and softness and sweetness and candy and gum..."

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This comic might have been funnier if it hadn't run in the middle of summer.

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And this Cars comic very blatantly ignores a rather pressing question most people (myself included) have about the movie - how does a car hold anything? Even if you can accept the fact that they somehow built buildings (and apparently each other) with no hands, there's still everyday occurrences like putting a nozzle in your gas tank that seem like they'd be impossible to perform with just a tire.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_14.jpg
Every time I see these Apple and Cinna-Mon ads, I'm just reminded of how much I miss the old cynical Apple Jacks commercials from the '90s. "They don't taste like apples!"

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The Scarecrow is back, and he's taking justice into his own hands. Dude's like a Colonial Rorschach.

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This was about the point where I realized there's no depth that Disney won't sink to in order to milk more money out of a successful movie. I could buy the story about a mad alien scientist whose genetically-enhanced monster escapes to Earth and befriends a lonely Hawaiian girl, but throwing a talking hamster into the proceedings? I'm sorry, my disbelief doesn't suspend that far.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_17.jpg
Hey look, more "Kid Gravity" for me to hate on. Sorry, but "Phineas and Ferb" did the whole "go back and redo your pilot episode two years later" thing so much better.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_18.jpg
No, this is not a card game based on Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. And I'm sure Disney's lawyers were the first to pick up on that.

Peter Paltridge
04-11-2011, 01:35 PM
The magazine didn't have long to live by this point, and you can see why.

John Pannozzi
04-11-2011, 02:32 PM
I liked your nods to Scott Pilgrim.

I think Sally is prettier than Emily.

Monster House is pretty much the only one of those mo-cap films I have any interest in seeing, since at least the characters were a bit more stylized, and Ron Schrab of Scud the Disposable Assassin co-wrote it.

mobo85
04-11-2011, 04:59 PM
Ah, poor Brenda Song. Still stuck in the same Paris-Hilton-spoof shackles she's been in for all these years. Although, now that the Suite Life is ending production, she'll probably be able to make a name for herself- heck, Disney's already calling her "Brenda Song from the Academy Award-nominated Social Network" now. (And she's apparently famous enough that she's able to sue for millions when an escort service uses her picture in their ads with the caption "Layla: Hawiian[sic] beauty. Get lei'd tonight." Yes, this actually happened.)

"Apple" in the Apple Jacks ads was originally "Bad Apple," which I think is pretty clever (at least as clever as "Cinna-Mon" is), but the apple lobby (yes, there's an apple lobby- there's a lobby for everything) put a stop to that quickly because they thought it could be interpreted as being disparaging towards apples- kids might think apples are bad food because of the name. Wonder if they have a problem with the common phrase itself the name played on.

As long as Disney's other we-hope-this-becomes-a-cash-cow-on-the-level-of-Cars franchise keeps being brought up (and it should be, since it's probably the only good thing Disney Channel has going for it), it seems Mr. McGuire (presumably no relation to Lizzie) is doomed to obscurity, not getting the fame of his fellow Phineases such as the one with the triangle head and the one with a crowbar in his head.

Darklordavaitor
04-11-2011, 05:08 PM
Speaking of which, I recently found out that Disney currently streams this movie on Netflix On Demand, along with dozens of other Disney Channel Original Movies (including both made-for-TV High School Musicals) and the complete series of shows like "Hannah Montana", "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody", and "Wizards of Waverly Place". And yet, Kim and Ron continue to be buried under a minimum of $100 worth of purchases from the Disney Movie Club. Screw you, Mouse House.

The funny thing is, until around last November, Netflix was streaming all of KP. Now there's no trace of it or American Dragon, which also was streaming until that point, on the site.

Oh, and keep up the good work. I love these.

Kitschensyngk
04-12-2011, 01:36 AM
I've seen Corpse Bride. It's a good movie--certainly better than Tim Burton's adaptation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with the family-friendly ending.

J. B. Warner
04-12-2011, 10:35 AM
Here's an issue with a little more to say than the last one: February 1997!

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Sorry, but even when he was on Nickelodeon and not ABC, Doug was never this cool.

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For a while in the '90s, Disney was going through a phase where they were remaking a bunch of their live-action movies from the '60s. Flubber is probably the most infamous example, but there was also this. It must have been bad; I haven't seen Doug E. Doug in anything since.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_03.jpg
Nice try, Dusti and Hannah, but we all know that "Dot the Macadamia Nut" is the definitive Macarena parody.
Also, that is one lumpy alien. And it still looks better than Paul.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_04.jpg
God, I hate snow. I used to love it until I got my drivers' license.
That Bugs Bunny stamp was a big deal in my house. We still have a promotional magnet commemorating its release stuck to our refrigerator.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_05.jpg
Note that their description of Zeus and Roxanne makes the movie sound relatively normal. They conveniently omit the part about the dog falling in love with the dolphin.
DA's list of potential double features are kind of weak, especially since they had to make up a few titles for some of those jokes to work (I don't think Shout and The Paper are real movies.)
Meanwhile, Robin Williams continues to be his witty, off-the-cuff self.

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As lame as the Disney version of "Doug" was, I have to give them points for the Abbey Road parody.

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Speaking of Doug, creator Jim Jinkins chats about how much of a self-insert series the show really was. Well, they say to write what you know.

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George Lucas is like the cinematic Berke Breathed - never satisfied with his own work and always trying to "improve" it after the fact, despite the fans' objections. Case in point: now he wants to re-re-release the original trilogy and the prequels...in 3D. Can somebody take this guy's megaphone away from him, please?

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Doug got the cover, but the real draw in this issue is the music section in the middle. The MTV Video Music Awards get the lion's share of crazy moments in this list, and for good reason - they're completely insane. Other highlights over the years include Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's extremely awkward and passionless onstage kiss in 1994, Krist Novoselic of Nirvana throwing his bass guitar into the air and catching it with his face in 1992, and (long after this issue, admittedly) R. Kelly maniacally half-lip synching a chapter from "Trapped in the Closet" in 2005...and singlehandedly playing the part of every character in the song.
And yes, this is the only time you'll ever see Howard Stern in Disney Adventures.

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The centerpiece of this section is a collection of trivia about everyone's favorite four neat guys, the Beatles. I don't know who they were hoping to fool when they'd register at hotels under such obviously phony names. George Harrison in particular didn't seem to be trying at all.
George Carlin once said "The wrong two Beatles died first." I'm inclined to agree.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_11.jpg
Beatlemania continues with this look at modern bands who were influenced by the moptop kids from Liverpool. Of course, Oasis is the first to come to mind - they've got everything about the band down pat, right down to the petty infighting between band members.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_12.jpg
Then there's this goofy little fill-in-the-blank dealie where you can write your own hit song. Once again, Phineas and Ferb did it better. "Bow-chicka-wow-wow, that's what my baby says! Mow-mow-mow, and my heart starts pumpin'..."

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_13.jpg
Sean "Mr. Adventure" Plottner talks about how to spot UFOs this month. Yeah, the Adventure Files was running on fumes at this point.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_14.jpg
Sports photos are so easy to make fun of. Every time I pick up a Sports Illustrated, first thing I do is turn to the photos they always have at the front and see what weird athletic faces I can laugh at this week.

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I'm not sure how or why "One Day at Horrorland" became one of the most famous Goosebumps books. Not only did it launch this CD-ROM game, but it became one of the most popular episodes of the TV show, and R.L. Stine based his new Goosebumps spin-off series on it. I think Blogger Beware (http://www.bloggerbeware.com/2008/05/16-one-day-at-horrorland.html) put it best - it's a book that really doesn't think very highly of the reader's intelligence.

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Doug's on the cover, so Doug gets a comic. Typical middle school popularity contest stuff: Roger Klotz has a designer Branday jacket, and so everyone else has to have one too. Naturally, socially-awkward Doug's parents get him a knockoff Brandexx jacket instead. Subtle satire is not this comic's strong point.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_17.jpg
Then to tie in with the UFO article, there's this "Mighty Ducks" comic where the ducks team up with a couple of paranormal conspiracy theorists at a science fiction convention to track down Lord Dragaunus' ship. Lots of stuff blowing up real good ensues.

http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/0297_18.jpg
That's right, kids, don't be afraid to risk life and limb for the sake of sweetened corn cereal! It's the only thing that really matters in life!

Peter Paltridge
04-12-2011, 01:34 PM
The craziest thing I took away from this issue was that "Mayonnaise" was an actual last name. I still can't believe it. It sounds like a joke:

"Where did Patty Mayonnaise come from?"
"Well, first I had a crush on a girl named Patty. Then I had a crush on a girl named Mayo."

I watched the original That Darn Cat about a billion times, as we taped it off the Disney Channel after we got the VCR and it was once the only tape we owned. (This was very early in my life, natch.) I did see the remake, and.....yeah, the original is better.

Kitschensyngk
04-12-2011, 03:17 PM
The craziest thing I took away from this issue was that "Mayonnaise" was an actual last name. I still can't believe it. It sounds like a joke:

"Where did Patty Mayonnaise come from?"
"Well, first I had a crush on a girl named Patty. Then I had a crush on a girl named Mayo."

I knew a girl named Mayo in junior high. I knew Mayo could be a name, but "Mayonnaise"?



DA's list of potential double features are kind of weak, especially since they had to make up a few titles for some of those jokes to work (I don't think Shout and The Paper are real movies.)
Actually, they are.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102913/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110771/

J.E.Smith
04-13-2011, 08:54 AM
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww92/jbwarner86/060706_16.jpg
This was about the point where I realized there's no depth that Disney won't sink to in order to milk more money out of a successful movie. I could buy the story about a mad alien scientist whose genetically-enhanced monster escapes to Earth and befriends a lonely Hawaiian girl, but throwing a talking hamster into the proceedings? I'm sorry, my disbelief doesn't suspend that far.



i take it you didn't see the TV series. The hamster was introduced about two years before this issue and unfortunately became the series' main villain in every Stitch production afterwards (Including the anime).

At least he wasn't in Stitch 2, which was one of the few decent DTV sequels (Mainly because it was a simple, down to earth story about Lilo & Stitch's bond with each other that didn't involve alien hunting, nor did it even have any of the villains in it. Instead, the conflict was that due to an error made in Stitch's creation he starts to experience seizure-like spells where he briefly reverts back to his "evil" self that will eventually kill him if they can't find a way to cure him in time.)

Dynamite XI
02-13-2012, 01:28 AM
Bump.

So I spent the last couple of years wandering around TV Tropes, and the Disney Adventures article (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Magazine/DisneyAdventures) pointed me back in this direction. I had so much fun posting scans and reviews in the first thread, and I'm just now coming off of an archive binge, so would anyone object if I staged a revival?

Peter Paltridge
02-13-2012, 01:53 AM
Bump.

So I spent the last couple of years wandering around TV Tropes, and the Disney Adventures article (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Magazine/DisneyAdventures) pointed me back in this direction. I had so much fun posting scans and reviews in the first thread, and I'm just now coming off of an archive binge, so would anyone object if I staged a revival?

Nope! Nope! No objections here! Nope!

Dynamite XI
02-14-2012, 01:09 AM
Then with no objections, why not restart this party with a landmark issue--January 1995!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950001.png
Star Trek Generations was out at right around this time. In case you are either too young or you don't remember, it was a HUGE deal in the fandom for Kirk and Picard to finally meet...

...except for me. I loved TNG as a kid, but I only knew Shatner from Rescue 911. Thankfully, my best friend at the time was a Trekkie, and he brought me up to speed on Kirk through a viewing of Star Trek IV one weekend, so I went into Generations prepared.

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Hello, new staff! December '94 saw the departure of founding editor Tommi Lewis at the helm, with a heartfelt goodbye on her last "Hello" page. To make us feel better, the New York staff introduced themselves on their first. We'd come to know them VERY well. To wit:


Phyllis Ehrlich, the new chief
Suzanne Harper, executive editor
Robin Ewing, art director
Heidi MacDonald, comics editor
Sean Plottner, senior editor (and future Mr. Adventure)
Amy Mullins, senior designer
Liz Smith, associate editor
H. Brooke Primero, editorial assistant

And to be honest, I thought new editor Phyllis did a fantastic job making the magazine her own in the mid-90s. More on that later.

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Ahh, the '90s. You had your Marios vs. Sonics and your TMNTs vs. MMPRs. These were important issues, although you never were allowed to take a third option and say you liked both. Which, in the case of Rangers and Turtles, I did.

My parents didn't, though. I still have all the toys.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950003Buzz1.png
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950003Buzz2.png
The DA Buzz. The ENTIRE DA Buzz. We have a new staff, but we won't be getting new logos for another few issues.

All those movies in question 3 happened, save for Getting Even With Dad 2, but not in 1995. Heck, who even remembers Getting Even With Dad 1? I sure don't.

...Was it that Culkin movie where he had long hair? Maybe I'm blocking it out.

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Notice the layout of the "In or Out." They don't have the cats. It hints at the new layout direction that will be coming up shortly. You'll see hints of it here or there, but nothing big yet.

Also, I guess this school seems unremarkable by current standards, but a field trip to Fenway Park? The oldest stadium in the American League? Pretty effin' cool.

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DA introduces readers to the concept of the retcon.

Also, I thought the little thing at the lower half of the page was a bit odd. Magazines usually print these for legal purposes, but why on this page? Why not stick it in the back?

Ticket is unremarkable this month. I've skipped over yet another Olsen Twins movie, an interview with the writer of The Pagemaster, blurbs about Dumb and Dumber (for KIDS!) and Richie Rich, and the results of a music survey. Nirvana was listed as one of the favorite groups, since Kurt Cobain had died the previous year and was still on everyone's minds.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950006.png
I first pointed this out on TV Tropes (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Trivia/DisneyAdventures): one thing the casual observer might notice about Phyllis Ehrlich's time as chief is that the magazine's editors really, really enjoyed showing off their nerd cred. They certainly did so before the changeover, but after Phyllis took the reins, it was very difficult to find an issue that DIDN'T have something about Star Trek, Star Wars, or The X-Files.

This Trek section is nine pages long, and not only did they get a hammy interview with William Shatner and an eloquent one with Patrick Stewart, but they got interviews with Kate Mulgrew and Avery Brooks. And did a sidebar about Voyager. And did a Kirk/Picard comparison. And details about the Enterprise. And a bit about the Klingon language.

When I first read the Kirk/Picard comparison, I thought the inclusion of the captains' shirtlessness was a bit odd. Just Heidi and Jennifer being fangirls, I guess.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950007.png
This article about kid archers was four pages long and sandwiched between some more noticable articles (I never saw it as a kid), so I thought I'd give it a shout out.

Except Ms. Rebecca Weirich is probably a mother by now. My gosh.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950008.png
Remember what I said about the shift in layouts? Phyllis' DA used a lot of colorful geometric shapes and dotted lines. We're starting to see that here.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950009.png
Hello, Heidi MacDonald! She's remarkably unchatty in her first Comic Zone intro. But she leaves her AOL email address right there and out in the open (which you could actually do back then), and I'm guessing this is what led to the letter campaign that eventually brought back Bone.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950010.png
Evan Dorkin is AWESOME. It's a tragedy that we never saw more of Kid Blastoff after this three-parter.

Following this is a Darkwing comic where he fights some ants at a picnic, a comic in which Aladdin is magicked into a belly-dancer's uniform (don't ask), and another Darkwing comic where DW has to retake his driving exam. Nothing big.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950011.png
Ohh, Xanatos and his gambits. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/XanatosGambit) Whatta rascal.

This two-parter was one of the only Gargoyles stories in DA that I liked. I never watched the TV show, but if it was anything like this comic, I really wish I had.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950012.png
Again with the shapes. I'm a layout guy; I notice these things!

See how they all signed their names? This was another big thing they started doing during Phyllis' reign. They made it the magazine very personal--the DA staff were really your friends! Hence why Heidi's face was on the Comic Zone, or why they later put Plottner's face on "Big Adventures" and renamed it "Mr. Adventure." They were rather fond of themselves.

This was one of the things that disappeared when Suzanne took over from Phyllis. But more on that another time.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Jan%2095/Jan19950013.png
Were there these focus groups in the '90s where kids would sit in a room and tell ad men that they wanted more fold-in ads? I honestly can't imagine that happening.

Peter Paltridge
02-14-2012, 03:21 AM
All those movies in question 3 happened, save for Getting Even With Dad 2, but not in 1995. Heck, who even remembers Getting Even With Dad 1? I sure don't.

...Was it that Culkin movie where he had long hair? Maybe I'm blocking it out.
The Mask 2 didn't happen either. They also predicted on the same page that "sick" would become slang, and that didn't happen until the early 2000's, and even then just among skater boys. As for "SSSS vs. VRT"......that was kind of a draw.

Yeah, I think that was the first Culkin movie past puberty. He never gets even with his dad in it, nor does he have a reason to. The title means nothing except for marketing: "He does CRAZY WILD PRANKS, like you wanted! Honest! Maybe! Or maybe we're lying, you won't know until you pay for a ticket!"

On a side note.....puberty hit Culkin like a sack of bricks. He's got the ugliest face in all of Hollywood, I swear.

Shawn Hopkins
02-14-2012, 08:37 AM
Hmm. Seems like they were so caught up in their crystal ball that they forgot to predict uses for slangin.' One is selling drugs, of course, and the other I probably shouldn't post here.

DuckTwacy
02-14-2012, 11:49 AM
[QUOTE=Peter Paltridge;3965965]The Mask 2 didn't happen either. [QUOTE]

Actually, there was Son of the Mask, but that came out around 10 years after this issue was published.

The other day there was a newspaper article about pictures of how Culikn currently looked. The paper called the pictures "shocking". How that's newsworthy, I'll never know.

Dynamite XI
02-16-2012, 10:00 PM
The other day there was a newspaper article about pictures of how Culikn currently looked. The paper called the pictures "shocking". How that's newsworthy, I'll never know.

I recently saw an advert for a trashy entertainment program about how Mack looks nowadays. Anytime the news media picks up on some grownup child star looking like death, it means it's a VERY slow news day.

As for the DA Archive, I'll be back again on Monday night. Next time we'll be jumping forward into mid-1998 and the beginnings of the Harper era...

Zorak Masaki
02-16-2012, 11:57 PM
We never got Karate Kid 5 either (and no, that movie with jackie chan and jaden smith does not count). I wonder what the premise of that one would be (Miyagi trains yet another new kid in town who doesnt fit in?)

J. B. Warner
02-17-2012, 11:51 AM
Ah yes, January 1995. I really do remember getting this one in the mail and thinking "This issue looks different..."

I was not a Star Trek kid, so this issue's cover story was completely lost on me. Didn't watch the original series, nor any of the modern incarnations. In 1995, all I wanted to watch was Animaniacs and Rocko's Modern Life; anything that was live action just bored the hell out of me. Only in recent years have I begun exploring the vast expanses of Trek lore, due largely to being such a huge Futurama nerd and getting sick of the countless Star Trek references flying miles over my head.

I thought Kid Blastoff was the coolest thing ever when I first read it. Evan Dorkin's brash, angular style was like nothing I'd ever seen before at the precocious age of nine, and it really grabbed my eye. I remember some of my own drawings from early 1995 where I blatantly tried to incorporate elements and poses from this story into my characters, even though I couldn't really wrap my pencil around Dorkin's style. I wish I still had those drawings; they'd be pretty hilarious to look at in hindsight.

Dynamite XI
02-21-2012, 01:26 AM
Quick warning: this issue isn't interesting. At all.

I mean, it's easy to laugh at a bad issue, or have nostalgic fun reviewing a good one, but this one is so boring that I can't do anything with it!

I'm talking, of course, about August 1998.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980001.png
DA has dropped its signature "celebrities and Disney characters" cover format, which is a shame, because this cover isn't fun. And it's trying to be, that's the sad part!

By this time, they've switched to cheaper staple binding for the cover. When this issue was fresh from the mailbox, the binding was built like a boat. But after 14 years of wear and tear, the cover is starting to fall off. Sadly, this has already happened to many of my other staple-bound issues.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980002.png
"Hello" is on its side and promoting the Netscape-friendly DA homepage on the World Wide Web! I remember visiting it on my grandfather's computer back in 1998. I...wasn't impressed.

"ESPN Action" was what they called any sports story in 1998 DA. The Mouse House owned ESPN by this time, so it was pure corporate synergy and all.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980003.png
Giga Pets are still being advertised as the big thing, even though 1998 ended up being the year of the Furby. Why Tiger Electronics was still promoting Giga Pets is a mystery. (Do they even still make them?)

Previously, under Tommi and later Phyllis, the DA Buzz and Ticket packed in a LOT of info onto one page. They did for the first year of Suzanne's leadership too, but in 1997 the magazine started reducing what all they would put on an individual page. "In or Out" has done away with "Out" completely and is still ONE PAGE.

Also, before I forget it: do NOT think for a moment that I'm blaming Suzanne Harper for the magazine's decay. I mean, Bone of all things returned while she was chief, and the August 30, 1997 issue ("What's HOT") was one of my favorites.

In truth, I think a lot of it was out of her control. Yes, DA was visibly starting to decay at this point, but I suspect that Disney was starting to cut corners any way they could, and DA was something that suffered. It definitely shows in the reduced page content, which requires less staff to maintain; and it almost certainly shows with the implementation of the staple binding.

With all that in mind, the '07 cancellation wasn't much of a surprise to me, really.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980004.png
As usual, the bad slang is hilarious, but then you see the background photo, and the thing suddenly becomes a poignant period piece.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980005.png
Say what you will about Smash Mouth selling out; I liked 'em!

"Ask Liz" was a holdout from Phyllis' days. 1998 saw the end of us readers getting to meet the DA staff, which had been a tradition since Tommi Lewis got on the early-90s AOL and chatted with readers, and which had been turned up to 11 after Phyllis took over.

Case in point: by '98 there's no more Mr. Adventure, and Heidi MacDonald's Comic Zone intro and photo has been removed.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980006.png
The cover story is on the left. Roller coasters are rated in barf splats. More than a few were for Disney attractions, of course.

On the right is an ad for the hilariously bad Dennis the Menace sequel. I'm not joking when I say that this magazine has a LOT of ads this month. Dennis even had a two page spread a couple of pages before, and a three-page Estes ad was interrupted by a "Quest 64" ad.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980007.png
Disney has a long-standing love for all things Zorro, since they produced that '50s TV show (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zorro_%281957_TV_series%29) and all, so the then-new Zorro movie gets a shout out.

And nothing better than teaching kiddos about swordplay than with that sexy scene where Antonio Banderas cuts Catherine Zeta-Jones' clothes completely off. No wonder they didn't want to tell readers how the scene ends...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980008.png
The Avengers! The one you don't remember, though.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980009.png
Around this time, DA started doing a year-round version of their Christmas toys section. This feature was called "Cool Stuff" and more-or-less was intended to be the spiritual successor of Card Shark.

But it wasn't all Disney merch! Nerf guns and Super Soakers feature in this month's Cool Stuff.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980010.png
Yet ANOTHER thing that began during Suzanne's time: the official DA release form! Kid tested, lawyer approved.

Except I remember that it made me very much NOT want to write to DA, because DA was the only magazine that required it.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980011.png
Like I said earlier, no Heidi column anymore, and no deep comics either. Preceding these was a Mulan comic that isn't even worth mentioning. Mushu does some stuff, and that's it.

Repeat Offenders isn't good here (aside from the turkey attacking Will Smith), which is a shame, because it'd been better in previous issues.

And oddly enough, there's a Hercules comic that takes place either during or after the movie. And this during the summer of Mulan!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980012.png
Then there's a forgettable Timon & Pumbaa comic, followed by this comic on the back page. By this time, all of the comics have been shoved to the back. The "Next Month" blurb, which used to go on the back page, was moved to where Heidi's page should have gone.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v149/dynamite_xi/DA%20Aug%201998/Aug19980013.png
The back cover. I think Calvin Klein was trying to appeal to kids, but this little girl isn't doing anything!

So this ad kind of sums up how I feel about this issue. August 1998 is interesting if you're documenting the history of DA, since this issue was released during a crossroads, but frankly this whole issue is just a big "meh."

Peter Paltridge
02-21-2012, 01:49 AM
No, the decay was Suzanne's fault. Comic Zone was only still good because Heidi was still there. She would soon mysteriously "vanish" and Steve Behling would take her place, bringing us stuff like Jet Pack Pets.

Dynamite XI
02-21-2012, 02:23 AM
No, the decay was Suzanne's fault. Comic Zone was only still good because Heidi was still there. She would soon mysteriously "vanish" and Steve Behling would take her place, bringing us stuff like Jet Pack Pets.

Ahhh, you've caught me being the "nice guy." I'm an editor myself, so I'm a bit more inclined to give other editors the benefit of the doubt. Editing ain't easy.

That said, I'll admit that any chief editor has a "buck stops here" caveat, and Harper definitely had more incentive to use it and didn't. But at the same time, I still think a lot of it was the Disney higher-ups meddling with their little digest.

But, of course, it's all speculation. There's not very much out there about DA's inner workings in the '90s.

You seem to be correct about Heidi, though. A quick look on Google and I found that Ms. MacDonald took a slight jab at Harper in one blog post. (http://www.comicsbeat.com/2007/09/04/the-ballad-of-disney-adventures/)

TenPoundHammer
04-26-2012, 12:55 PM
I wanted to show the Top 10 New Toons article from September 1998 in its entirety, so here goes:


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon1.jpg


I love how they pick "Brats of the Lost Nebula" as a "Top 10". I didn't watch WB anything at the time, so I had never heard of it until this issue. Turns out it only made it as far as January 1999.

"Ed Edd n Eddy" always nauseated me for some reason. Their voices combined with the squigglevision literally made me sick in the same inexplicable fashion that Toaster Strudels do. That and one of the kids (I think it was Kevin) sounded just like a mean kid on my bus.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon2.jpg


"From the Files of Flying Rhinoceros" must've been a working title, because the actual show was called "Flying Rhino Junior High".

I already posted one of the Flying Rhino guy's other works in the YouTube thread. It was a shopping mall kids' club tie-in called "Get Muggsy!"

I was always embarrassed to watch Powerpuff Girls because it was a "girls' cartoon". But then I became a brony.

Note the sig on "Secret Files of the SpyDogs"? I know Jim Benton mainly as the creator of "It's Happy Bunny", that sarcastic bunny character you see on all sorts of merchandise.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon3.jpg


"Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain" is also presented with its working title, which is rather unwieldy. I hated "Animaniacs" growing up, so I figured I would also hate "Pinky and the Brain" by proxy. It got to the point where I wouldn't even touch anything WB related.

"Walter Melon" is actually adapted from a Franco-Belgian cartoon called "Achille Talon". You'd think the animation world in general would've learned from how badly "Marsupilami" tanked that adapting Franco-Belgian comics shouldn't be done unless it's Tintin or the Smurfs.

I would still take a Marsupilami movie over any more Smurfs stuff any day, though.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon4.jpg


"Histeria!" escaped my radar as well, due to it falling under my aforementioned "I hate Animaniacs, so I'll hate anything else WB and/or FOX related too" mantra. I might like it. (As an aside, my "No FOX" mantra somehow failed me long enough for me to catch a few episodes of "Ned's Newt".)

"The Wild Thornberrys" I remember being good. And yet whenever I think back to late-90s Nickelodeon, I keep forgetting it ever existed.

"Pepper Ann" I remember sort of watching for a time, but turning against it because my 11-year-old Asperger mind wouldn't accept that a character could be named for a food. And a food that I really liked, no less.


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon5.jpg

And the rest of that One Saturday Morning ad. I thought Recess was all right at first, but then I saw "Great Jungle Gym Standoff" and relayed the "Uncle Mary" joke to my mother — I didn't pick up on the context, so it didn't make sense to me. She said it didn't make sense either, since I didn't give her the context that I didn't pick up on in the first place, and that was enough to turn me off from the series.

Obligatory "Doug sucked after they moved to Disney, even though I know a lot of the staff didn't change" rant in 3... 2...


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon6.jpg


I wish I had thought to actually check out the Dumb Bunnies cartoon. I loved those books when we read them in 3rd and 4th grade.

Never was into superheroes, so Batman in any incarnation was completely off my radar. This must've extended to all action cartoons, because I don't think I was aware of even "Gargoyles" until maybe 5 years ago.

I found "The Lionhearts" on Hulu. It takes a famous lion (in this case, the MGM lion) and builds an animated sitcom around it — sound familiar? However, "The Lionhearts" is family friendly. Also, the theme song is catchy. And I don't think anything with Betty White in it can possibly suck, except for that "Just Men!" game show she did on NBC in the 80s.

The "Godzilla" cartoon got 2 seasons, which is about one-and-a-half more than I would've expected.

"Bad Dog" is listed on TV Tropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" page. It remains the only cartoon based off a screen saver, although I'm told they were once in talks to make "The Flying Toasters Show". :D

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon7a.jpg

"War Planets" was actually called "Shadow Raiders" by the time it made it to series.

The "RoboCop" cartoon was, like "The Lionhearts", one of the last things put out by MGM's animation arm. I honestly have never seen a lot of movies, "RoboCop" included. I'm sure it did not translate well to cartoon.

Even when I first saw this issue at age 11, I was shocked to see "CatDog" listed on here. As big as that show was, you'd think its afterthought nature in this article would've put it in the same dustbin that "The Brothers Flub" fell into. (Seriously, why no love for Flub?)

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u68/TenPoundHammer/toon7b.jpg

"Mythic Warriors" sounds more 1988 than 1998.

And I'll spare any "Ratatouille" jokes with "Anatole" because well, I haven't seen "Ratatouille" either. I won't watch a movie that I can't spell. (Kidding.)

And the #1 reason I scanned all this:

BIRDZ.

Seriously. I was able to watch the whole series, and it is very sadly underrated. It has an original premise (as it says, Eddie often carries a camera with him and films everyday life), but it defies many conventions of slice-of-life cartoons with child protagonists, namely:

* Not all of the episodes are set at school and/or with friends.
* Authority figures are actually portrayed as reasonable. Eddie doesn't always agree with his parents, but the series never makes them out to be mean or draconian.
* Eddie's teacher reminds me of my third grade teacher: laid back, friendly, and big on supporting creativity. However, his teacher is far hotter. :D
* The voice actors are great. I think my favorite is the scratchy voice Julie Lemieux gives Batty.
* The series has a good sense of atmosphere, with all sorts of avian touches that don't seemed shoehorned in (for instance, one episode is about their migrating for the winter).
* The writing is loaded with puns and jokes that work incredibly well, even if some of the pop culture references are now dated. One of my favorite jokes was Eddie's dad saying he went to school with a peacock who went into television.

Peter Paltridge
04-26-2012, 06:42 PM
Why did you hate so many good things?

Erased Paper
04-26-2012, 07:19 PM
I love how they pick "Brats of the Lost Nebula" as a "Top 10". I didn't watch WB anything at the time, so I had never heard of it until this issue. Turns out it only made it as far as January 1999.
It was actually cancelled after three weeks.

TenPoundHammer
04-26-2012, 07:37 PM
Why did you hate so many good things?

Silly Asperger's thing, I guess. Anything new or unfamiliar was sure to be off my radar. Even tangential associations were enough to turn me off from anything.

Kitschensyngk
05-16-2012, 05:36 PM
Powerpuff Girls was the MLP:FIM of its time in that it was a show that threw target demographics out the window. ANYBODY could watch it. I was a college male with Asperger's and I NEVER felt ashamed to turn it on.

Actually you could say that about all of the original Cartoon Cartoons.
I sometimes wish our cable company picked up Cartoon Network sooner. These shows certainly undid the FCC-mandated damage that shows the likes of those on One Saturday Morning caused.

iheartmovees
11-29-2012, 10:38 AM
First post on the forums, and I wanted to thank you JB for all the awesome memories! I remember a friend of mine had a copy of the Atlantis issue from 2001 and I loved the movie as a kid and the comics included too. I do have a small request though. Would you be able to post the last scan from the magazine too? To be more precise, it would be page 84 from the magazine. I'd really appreciate it! :D

Peter Paltridge
11-29-2012, 06:47 PM
He might be too busy at the moment, but I can give it a shot. Did you mean the page that implied boy bands are grown on an island instead of made? Because it's probably true.

http://www.platypuscomix.net/tz/atlantisdaissue.jpg

iheartmovees
12-01-2012, 05:51 PM
He might be too busy at the moment, but I can give it a shot. Did you mean the page that implied boy bands are grown on an island instead of made? Because it's probably true.

http://www.platypuscomix.net/tz/atlantisdaissue.jpg
Haha I appreciate that, but it wasn't quite what I meant. I should've been more specific in my post; I was referring to the last scan of the Atlantis stories in the magazine. Thank you for your help!