Do you ever really get *over* someone...?

[DisneyBoy]

Remember those crushes you had? Or those relationships that are now over?

When you see those people now, are the feelings completely different? That rush of excitement gone? Or do you still find yourself, without wanting to, reacting?

I think rage or indifference are powerful things. They can set someone free from a romantic connection in a very clean way by ending any fantasies of "what if" and repainting over happy memories.

But without either of those...are you forever still getting a charge out of someone you know you don't want to be with? Even if you don't want to?

Do any of us really get *over* someone?

[mookie75]

I would say that it depends on the person. I've had many, many crushes over the years. I could run into some of those people today and I don't think I'd feel a thing. However, there are others who I haven't seen in years but would still be captivated by their presence if I saw them again.

For me specifically, it seems to be the crushes from my college years that endure the most. I couldn't care less about the people I had crushes on in high school or earlier... :p

[Shawn Hopkins]

Yep, especially when you're the one who initiates the breakup.

Getting dumped, on the other hand, feels like you've kind of lost a game a little bit and you'd like to know why, in my experience, but it's not to the level of pining for a person who has proven she wants nothing to do with me. I was a little confused by the poll, though. Isn't being indifferent to a person pretty much the definition of being over them?

[DisneyBoy]

Well...yeah, being indifferent is basically being over someone.

I think that with some people, you get an easier route. You get bored with them, or you quickly stop caring to put in effort, and without even trying, the fantasy of the "what if" is dead and gone and you're past it. With others, there's a big fight, they do something stupid while drunk, or break something you love and you are free from the nagging love pains because the rage just overpowers everything. "You're out!" is the only thought and emotion.

But both of those things (indifference and rage) kind of cheat you out of having to work through something. In my mind, being over someone requires saying "Hey, they're not good for these reasons" and then fixing it so your heart understands and approves.

[Marvin Tikvah]

I've never had a relationship, so I don't know how it feels to see your ex. I'm sure it's incredibly awkward the first few days and especially if someone already catches them on the rebound.

Crushes however, I've had no problem getting over. I've known plenty of girls who seemed perfect yet were already taken or moved away. I don't know why, but my feelings immediately washed away in those moments. I guess it's just my natural response to things that don't go how I pictured them.

[TheTerror]

How can you get over someone if you were never under them? Kidding, but in all honesty if it's a long relationship with a lot of fond memories it may take time, it took time for me to get over my ex fiance, but it happened and I was okay. Just takes time.

[Ajax]

You get bored with them, or you quickly stop caring to put in effort, and without even trying, the fantasy of the "what if" is dead and gone and you're past it. Let me throw this out there and see if it makes sense. What you said right there, does that type of relationship really count? The one were u get bored of them and someone couldnt pay you to give a crap about your significant other? Does that fall into the spectrum of "having to get over it"? I mean that would be like saying, I was in a horrible car accident and came out only with a scratch, now im gonna stay home for three weeks to recover. I dont know if that was a good anaology or not but the point is, I dont think indifference comes into play here. If im indifferent about a person, it means I never cared about them, even if I said I did. If I never cared about them that means I was never into them. So in the end there's nothing to get over and thus no question of "are you really over them".

[mookie75]

After reading some of the responses that came after me, I feel I should clarify my position. I guess it was because Disney Boy asked about crushes first in his opening post, but I was thinking solely along that line when I answered: all of those infatuations that we have over the years but from which nothing ever emerges.

I've only been in one "real relationship," and I think I still feel something for that person. I'm not sure that it's something that would lead me to get together with them again, but at the same time, she can't really be thrown in the same category as my casual female friends either. I suppose part of it is because, at one time, we shared a bond that was closer than the bond I share with a regular friend. Even though that bond didn't stand the test of time, it still left a little bit of itself behind.

So, I guess I would say that you probably never fully leave behind someone that you get into an actual relationship with. I think it changes the air between the two of you enough that you can never quite go back to where you were. You may be able to be friends again as I am with my ex, but it's still different somehow.

[DisneyBoy]

As you pointed out, I wasn't very clear with regards to whether I was asking about crushes or relationships. It's a bit of a blurry line for me, to be honest...

If im indifferent about a person, it means I never cared about them

See, that's not been my experience. I can be momentarily indifferent towards people I deeply care about, especially in relationships. I think I end up triple-guessing my feelings and the status so much that some days I'm like "nah, you ain't worth it" and others I'm very, very happy.

But maybe I just haven't been with really good matches!

All this to say...I think you can be with someone for a few weeks, then go on vacation with them and find out they fart a LOT and act really differently when they're relaxed and suddenly, you just don't want to spend any more time with them, and you don't miss them in a way that makes you second guess yourself after you've walked away.

Like a movie you think will be good, but forty minutes into it, you just wander away from the tv and do something else, without ANY interest as to how it ends.

That's what I meant by "indifferent".

[Ajax]

Like a movie you think will be good, but forty minutes into it, you just wander away from the tv and do something else, without ANY interest as to how it ends.Ok lets go with that example, and lets say after you walk away from the tv and do something else, your mother comes up to you after about an hour and a half and asks you if you ever gonna get over the fact that you never finished watching the movie. You'd proally make a face and say "uh....yeah"?

I dont think indifference plays into the scenraio of "do you ever really get over someone". If your only with someone for a couple of weeks and then you dump em because your bored or you found out there a completely different person, I mean of course your gonna be over them, its sorta one-sided in that fact. But IMO mookie75 is right, if your in a serious relationship thats lasts a pretty long time, you'd be hard pressed to be over them, especially if you saw em again down the road.