Something serious I'm trying to cope with

[Calico]

It's like one of those things you think "That'll never happen to me." Two weeks ago my mother tried to take her own life by swallowing a bottle of painkillers. If she had been found an hour later she'd be dead right now.

I still can't get my mind around it. I haven't cried. It doesn't seem real. Sure I can say it. I remember seeing her in the hospital still suffering the affects of the drugs. But I can't really believe it. Denial - the first step of grief, blah, blah, blah. That's my problem and I'll deal eventually. I keep going back and forth between guilt (what could I have done? was it my fault?) and anger (what about me???), but mostly it's like a void in my head, a black hole that won't let me dwell on it. I've just never had to deal with anything like this before.

I apologize for taking up space with this. I'm just trying to sort it all out.

[The Old Maid]

I'm sorry, Calico. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Watagashi]

.....Man, that's terrible. I don't know what to say. Just try to talk to your mom and sort things out, I guess. You know, make her feel like she's needed in this world. My dad sorta has suicidal feelings a lot too and I get scared everytime he leaves after he was in a big argument or gets distressed that he might do something to himself. I guess all I can find to say right now is that I'll be praying for your mom and I hope you'll both be okay.

[Failure]

I'm really sorry to hear that Calico. I've personally ever dealt with anyone who was suicidal. But like Watagashi said, try to open the lines of communication. The fact that your mother failed in her attempt might be a blessing in disguise. This way you can try to air out the issues openly and honestly. Just try to keep talking to your mom and trying to make her feel that she's not alone. Also remember it's not your fault, don't blame yourself. Just try to move forwards and make progress. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[TuffyCatt]

Calico, I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't think I can say anything that Failure and Watagashi haven't already said really well. Just know that my prayers are with you. And never think that you're taking up space with your post...we're all here to listen.

[Jedigreedo]

Like the people are saying, try talking to her, I have alot of suicidal thoughts, they don't always go away, but usually it does help to have someone to talk to about it.

[Trent Lane]

I'm sorry to hear about that, Calico, it's gotta be a really tough time for you. I'll keep you and your mother in my prayers...

[Mattashell]

And always remember, when someone makes a decision like that, it's never your fault. I don't know if you r sharing a home with her or not, but the best you can do is try to help her through this and never blame yourself for things like this.

[Barb Gordon]

Wow, that just really sucks. I really hope you, and your mom especially, are doing better. If you haven't,like peeps have said, you should try and talk with her. Are you close to your mom actually? Or if not, talk to your dad, or an older sibling if you have one, or just some relative that you'd be comforable talking with. I know I talk with my big sis about stuff sometimes instead of my mom or dad. Everyone takes things differently, it's okay if you haven't cried and if you don't think you will. My dad was diagnosed with cancer on the day of my 8th grade graduation, which is about 4 years ago. I didn't cry or anything when my mom told my sister or I...I don't even think I really accepted it. It never really connected, even though like, for my mom I know it did, since she had to see him sick and all. My dad never wanted to freak me out, so like I was totally oblivious to everything, and I don't know if that was good or bad. I mean, that made it even harder for me to deal with it, since I was so far from realizing that my dad had cancer. I mean, now he's in remission, which is just so awesome, and I thank heaven everyday for that. Still, even though I fully accept it now, it isn't anything big, and I still never cried, which I actualy didn't like. I dunno, I though that I would cry, and it felt weird that I never did. *hugs* but you'll be fine, and hopefully your mom will too. And hey, you can always talk to us.

Barb^-^

[Lucky Bob]

I'm sorry to hear it. I'll be praying for you, and remember, nothing about this is your fault. Don't blame yourself for anything.

[hello_lola]

Gee, I'm really sorry, Calico. I'm sure we are all keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. Just know that you will get through this, and that you're not alone.

[The Dork Knight]

Dang, sorry to hear that. You and your mom will be in my prayers.

- Foley Is Good

[BourgeoisBuffoon]

Calico, I too have had to deal with much grief, as very recently a pal of mine died in a car crash.

It is hard. But you must talk to your Mother. Tell her how many lives she will be affected if she dies, and tell her how much she means to you, and tell of how YOU felt. She should understand.

What is making her depressed? Find out, and work on that. You two can overcome this problem.

Finally, it isn't your fault. I am sure of that. I too went through all the stages, and I have finally reached, unhappily, acceptance. But it wasn't my fault for my friend, and it's the same for you and your mother.'

I say once more: TALK TO HER, and tell her how much she means. You both too shall be in my prayers.

[Sir Gatts]

Sorry to hear that man. I think it would be best for you to seek professional assistance first before even talking to her. Anyone that close that I knew attempting suicide would definitely put me on the paranoia edge.

[The Mad Hatter]

Don't worry... this board is just the right place for deep personal situations that you want to share.

Though I'm really not sure what to say beyond that... that's got to be a horrible situation, so we're here for you.

[Singin' Stray Cat]

There's not much that I can say that hasn't already been said - but just so you know, you're in the thoughts and prayers of at least one more person.

[Calico]

I just want to thank you all for your kind words of support and compassion. This is truly the best community on the net.

Mom is working with professionals to help with her depression and the underlying physical problems that brought it on (she has a very painful debilitating disease). I am am her only child and unfortunately I live about 2 hours away. It makes it all the more difficult for me since even as a child I'd always taken care of her. In some ways we've been close, but idealogical differences have made us more distant in other ways. However I am going to make more of an effort to reach out to her and be there for her in any way I can.

Again, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

[ccffan01]

I'm not sure exactly what to say except I hope everything works out fine.

[Barb Gordon]

Thanks for the update Calico, and I'm glad things seem to being going a bit better now. *hugs* Hope your mom knows what an awesome daughter she has!

Barb^-^

[atf487]

I wish you and your mom luck in the coming months, Calico.