Yet another relationships question

[Failure]

There's something I've been wondering with human relations regarding significant others and yadda yadda. This is for those of you who currently have or in the past have had a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Did your relationships get started quickly (say less than a month after you met the person) or did you go through a longer amount of time of being friends, etc (say more than 3 months after getting to know the person) before embarking on the relationship level?

And for those who waited longer, was it apparent from the beginning that you wanted to take the friendship a step further or did the feelings just grow on you?

[Mattashell]

Absolutely spontanious beginings every time. Like I said I've never been on what I'd consider a "date". I really shouldn't elaborate any further on an all-ages board, except to say I never find them, they allways seem to find me.

[Calico]

Well I met most of my guys (including my husband) at work. (You're around them a lot and can get to know each other without a lot of stress.) They all just sort of happened spontaneously. "Hey want to go out for dinner?" or something. No long, drawn-out 'friendships'.

Dunno...Does that answer your question?

[Trent Lane]

I also met my girlfriend at work. She started about a year ago, and I kinda had a thing for her. I had only asked one girl out before, got rejected, then got set up on a blind date- of which we went out twice, and then I never heard from her again- so I was a little weary of asking this girl out. So, oh, only nine months later she finally got rid of this a-hole and we went out one night. I knew pretty much from that night that this was what I've wanted, and here we are three months later and I've never been happier. Touching, isn't it? :D

[Nightflower]

Originally posted by Failure
There's something I've been wondering with human relations regarding significant others and yadda yadda. This is for those of you who currently have or in the past have had a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Did your relationships get started quickly (say less than a month after you met the person) or did you go through a longer amount of time of being friends, etc (say more than 3 months after getting to know the person) before embarking on the relationship level?

And for those who waited longer, was it apparent from the beginning that you wanted to take the friendship a step further or did the feelings just grow on you?

I've only had two boyfriends so far. One of them was a really close friend, and the feelings just went beyond "friendship". That didn't last very long... whatever chemistry we had as friends, it was completely gone when we were in a relationship. We didn't have anything to say, and it was really weird. After we "broke up" (No one said it, but then again, we stopped talking to each other), it was a year before I talked to him again and regained the relationship I had with him before.

My current one I didn't really know that well before we started going out. I only met him a couple months before he summoned the courage to ask me out. :)

[DR. BELCH]

My first ex came on to me very suddenly--in church, of all places. She'd either be grabbing--ahem--things she shouldn't under the table in Bible class or trying to get me to make out with her in some secluded area of the building. It ended quickly because I wouldn't go with her into the girl's bathroom the night of the lock-in (sort of a mass sleepover in the church Fellowship Hall)...plus she was rich and wanted to make me respectable in her folks' eyes.

Ex #2 was a Japanese exchange student who I met when she sat at my table during dinner. I was her friend and conversation partner; we learned a lot about each other and our cultures. We took meals together for several months. It was very Pygmalean. I started falling for her but couldn't say so because I was shy and she didn't speak English too well. I had her sign my yearbook. I never saw her again--I guess she went back to Japan at the end of the semester.

#3 is a long story--if you want it, you can read it in my first book, which I hope will come out soon--but the short version is, she came into my life suddenly, brought five-month tsunami of passion, and left just as suddenly--left, came back, and left again, to be more precise. I'm considering calling her again to see if we have a second chance of making it work. Tomorrow, Feb 28, is the fourth anniversary of the last day I ever saw her. :(

#4 I met online, and she had the stability #3 lacked. She came into my life during the one-month hiautus from #3. It wasn't just about sex with her--we actually talked, and it wasn't "phone's ringing--of come the pants", but something substantial, about thoughts, feelings, emotions, dreams. She had a daughter from a previous relationship. She and I shared common interests and were happy, but she didn't like the long-distance thing or having to share me with #3 when she blew back into my life, who also hated the idea of me with someone else (a lot of jealous tantrums there). That ended friendly at least. She's engaged now.

So as you can see, I like women who aren't afraid to make the first move. Unfortunately most women think that to do so makes them "forward" or "trampy", so they dont...and I don't like to because I don't like rejection. I've never even said the l word first to a woman. So we both sort of dance around the issue, eternally trapped in a painful Catch-22..

Who wants to be my next vict--err, lover? :D

[JustJack]

My current relationship has a funny and long story behind it...

Just for story purposes, I'm gonna give her a name..'A'. :p

We met about...2 years ago(actually, 2 years ago this month! wow...huh...anyway..). I made friends with other people(her brother..a friend of hers), but I was kinda upset that A & her best friend kinda "walked away" from me, when they first met me. But, while they kinda 'walked off' this other girl came up, & was really nice to me. I found her VERY annoying, but she was good people..a relationship 'developed'...even though I didn't want it. In that 'relationship', A kinda 'helped' me...and through that, I developed strong feelings for A. Finally, I told that other girl she got on my nerve's really badly. She hasn't spoken to me in about..a year & a half. So, A & I became best friends. We always had a joke that no matter what, we'de get married. Haha..I was always depressed because I always thought she was kidding. Anyway, my best friend at the time, Adam, she kinda liked him, but eventually decided she kinda hated him. Then, my other 'best friend' asked A out. At the time I said I was happy for her...inside I felt like crap. They got into a huge arguement...and so one day, I was comforting her, & she just blurted everything out. About 2 years ago, when she met me she thought I was cute, funny..etc.. As she 'helped' me get together with that other girl(hmm...lets give her a name now..hmm..."she-beast"), she also got to know me really well, & kinda fell in love with me. As we became best friends, she got depressed, because she thought I didn't like her like that. That we'de be 'condemned' as best friends forever..and so she just took my friend as "the next best thing". And she was crying...so, I looked her in the eye...told her I loved her, & asked her to marry me, again. hahaha....cute story, huh?
Anyway, we've decided to get married in 4-6 years, on Feb. 14th. Hahaha....and believe it or not...the story is much more complicated. :eek: :D

[Failure]

Hmm, I seem to be living the basic plotline of your ex #2 situation Dr. Belch. Got any pointers? :D

Touching story JJ! Congratulations!

All the responses have supported my theory so far. :)

[JL Man]

Well, I'm only 12 (first girlfriend) so I really can't give any advice on anything.

But, I met her at the beginning of this school year and thought she was very annoying. But, I had a seat next to her in Science and my feelings grew for her, we became friends and I was scared to tell her how I felt. But we danced last dance and winged it from there. :)

[ccffan01]

They go so quick i didnt realize them

[DR. BELCH]

Failure:
Hmm, I seem to be living the basic plotline of your ex #2 situation Dr. Belch. Got any pointers?
*Get a momento--her signature, a photograph, something--to prove she's real.
*Be a gentleman. If she only wants to shake hands at the end of the evening (yes, that's all I did), that's fine. Some would say a kiss is the universal language, but a slap or a kick in the cojones is understood worldwide just the same.
*Be patient if you have to repeat or explain unfamiliar terms a couple of times. I recall once she thought I was saying "head of gobbler" when I was discussing Ibsen's Hedda Gabler. But I could forgive it because her accent was adorable....

[ButteredToast]

Well, when I first met my wife, there was a... well... the best thing I can call it was a click. It was like, suddenly everything fell into place. BAM.

There's a line from a Rush song... The Speed of Love.
"... Where two halves make two wholes..."

I can't state it any clearer than that. :)

[Joe Wagner]

Originally posted by ButteredToast
Well, when I first met my wife, there was a... well... the best thing I can call it was a click. It was like, suddenly everything fell into place. BAM.

There's a line from a Rush song... The Speed of Love.
"... Where two halves make two wholes..."

I can't state it any clearer than that. :)

That's really kewl man. The first time I meet my girlfriend I was fairly certain she hated me. We both worked at Wally World and were both cashiers. I tried helping her bag one night (like I did for everyone else) and all she said was a low-tone "hi". It was kewl tho becuz about a week or two later we had to zone toys on New Years Eve and some how we wound up firing Nerf balls at each other. A couple of days later we made plans to go to the mall with some of her friends (that I couldn't stand). I convinced her to take off and see a movie and eat dinner. That weekend we went to my best friends house for a party and decided to give going out a shot. Best decision I think I've ever made - two years and still going strong :D

-Joe!

[BLACKHEART]

Right away. Why right now I am with someone and it started somewhat quick. I didn't want it to happen so it took awhile. Had something to do with how we met.

[Failure]

Originally posted by DR. BELCH

*Get a momento--her signature, a photograph, something--to prove she's real.
*Be a gentleman. If she only wants to shake hands at the end of the evening (yes, that's all I did), that's fine. Some would say a kiss is the universal language, but a slap or a kick in the cojones is understood worldwide just the same.
*Be patient if you have to repeat or explain unfamiliar terms a couple of times. I recall once she thought I was saying "head of gobbler" when I was discussing Ibsen's Hedda Gabler. But I could forgive it because her accent was adorable....

Haha, I like your first suggestion Dr. B. I guess my biggest concern is how different American and Japanese culture is in approaching these kinds of "dating rituals." What's accepted, what's standard, what's different, etc. I guess it's a learning process. Thanks for the tips. :)

[Clayface]

Well, here's a little story for ya about me and my current g/f - who I've been with for almost 8 years now.

We first met the first day of classes freshman year - we were in the same math courses. I thought she was cute, and wanted to try and get a date with her. After snooping around abit, i learned she had a boyfriend back home. So, that was that, as far as I was concerned - she was taken, and there were plenty of other fish in the sea. I was just starting my college career! There were plenty of other college women to go after!

So, anyway, we talked here and there in class over the first semester, but not a lot outside of class. Didn't really become close friends, but we'd always chat while waiting for class to begin, ro when we'd run into each other on campus.

Second semester, we had the same programming course, and she and I paired up, since we already knew each other. We'd talk a bit outside of classes, but never really hung out a lot. She did, however, hang out with my roommate and his group of friends.

So, one day, she starts calling my roommate, talking to him a lot. Being nosey, i ask what's up. Turns out that she's no longer with her boyfriend back home - in fact, she hadn't been since first semester. If I had know that, I would have asked her out a long time before that. But the worst part was, I know found out that she was dating someone - the guy down the hall, who was the life-long best friend of my roomy. Doh! She was calling our room, because her relationship with the other guy was a bit strange, and she was seeking advice from my roomy on what was going on, and how to deal with the guy. I was a bit jealous of the guy down the hall.

So, one night, she calls me, and starts asking me advice on how to keep her relationship with him strong. Man, that was a hard conversation! I didn't want to screw over my roomy, or his friend (who was a friend of mine by this time as well), but in the back of my head, i kept kind of wishing they wouldn't work out. I just bit my lip, and listened, and supported her as much as I could while she tried to make things work with him.

Finally, they broke up - things just didn't work out between them. And on the last Friday before finals week, we had birthday party for her ex. She was there, I was there, he was there, and a lot of our mutual friends were there. I flirted with her, because I liked her, and she flirted with me. And things just went form there. By the end of the party that night, we were officially a couple. Of course, a week later, we had to go back to our respective states because of summer break. Man, that was a loooooong summer. But our relationship survived it, and things went strong from there. We've been together ever since.

[Karkull]

That's some sweet stories, boys.

:cool:

I'm not doing so hot. I broke up with my last girlfriend last December, but I've had a hard time getting her out of my system. I tried talking to her about it last week, but she basically told me that she wanted nothing to do with me. So now it's bothering me all over again.

Not to mention the fact that we work together (we're computer lab assistants for our university), so I still see her occasionally. As I'm writing this I'm hiding out in an upstairs lab waiting for my night class to begin. She's downstairs, but I can't stand to be around her.

(I'm censoring a little of what I'm writing because she used to be a board member here and may be lurking about...)

[Jedigreedo]

I've had two girlfriends, both relationships started too quickly though, my last girlfriend I was actually good friends with before I started going out with her, but like I said, they both started too quickly and both kinda crashed and burned, however I'am still good friends with my last girlfriend.

I think waiting until I'm adult might be alittle better if there is a next time. :cool:

[optimal321]

Well, my love life is still at a complete standstill. But i guess that i'm as much over this last girl as i'm going to be :( .

Oh, to answer you're question i can only say that things have always gone slow w/ me and women. With this last girl, we were friends for a while and then i started to like her. After a few months, i finally got up the nerve to ask her out. It's pretty obvioius that i did something wrong though. So maybe it is better to just act more spontaneous. If there's something there, then there's something there. If not, then you don't have to worry about being in love w/ a friend who is only friends w/ you.

But i'm not foolish enough to think i know anything about how relationships anymore. Just thinking out loud...

[Barb Gordon]

I've only had one boyfriend so far, it was when I was a freshman, all of 3 1/2 years ago. I guess you could say it happened suddenly. I noticed this really hot guy on the track team, so during stretching I made sure to get right next to him. And I didn't mean to, it just happened, but I just started talking/flirting with him. I was a sprinter and he did long distance, but I decided to maybe try some long distance myself. I really sucked at it since I wasn't used to it, and even though I knew he could run the distances fine, he would keep pace with me. I must be completely oblivious or something, because I had never realized that he was in the high school band with me. Sadies was coming up, and we had become really good friends, and it took me FOREVER to ask him. But I did, after alot of prodding from friends, and he said yes right away. After that, I found out that he had known my name for a long time and had been interested in me before I even knew he existed. Anyhoo, he was an awesome b/f. I mean, he gave me a rose for each month anniversary and whenever he would ask me out. It was beyond incredible. And the adorable dork set the standard super high for any future b/f's.

I'd say that any guys that I was interested in was my friend first and then my b/f. Although there have been times when I would strike up a conversation with a guy I didn't know before from like church and then almost start dating right away. But, I really want to wait till I get to college before I start dating again. I'm just odd like that.

Barb^-^

[Chris Sanders MSX]

Did your relationships get started quickly (say less than a month after you met the person) or did you go through a longer amount of time of being friends, etc (say more than 3 months after getting to know the person) before embarking on the relationship level?

This one relationship I had started VERY fast. She asked me to be her boyfriend exactly 3 days after we met and 3 days after thats he said she was in love with me...I knew it was a mistake but I don't date inside my school too much so figured what the heck..On the love issue, I kept telling her I don't know what love but I got sick of her getting and when I told her that so I just said it not really meaning it.

We went together for 5 months but the relationship was only good for 3. I stopped liking her around the end of the third month and she took advantage of the the "nice" guy I was...she cheated on me and all kinds of crap. Her friends and cousins liked me way more than they liked her so if she cheated on me or said something about me I ALWAYS found out about it.... I eventually broke up with her when I was just thinking to myself "I don't deserve this crap"... So I Called her and told her we have to break up. And that was that. After dating her I stopped being nice to girls I like and date..It sounds retarded but it works. Being a jerk is much more bennificial.

This same girl(as above) has been trying to hook back up with me about 5 times so far. I'll nerver do it but it's a good ego booster.

My last girlfriend claimed she got drunk and slept with this guy at a party she was at, and I dumped her that second..She actually called me crying...and i hung up on her. I was really hurt because i actually put time into this relationship I even waited 2 months to get to know her so that I wouldn't make the same mistake twice... She still likes me and we still talk/flirt and I even kiss her (real kissing) sometimes but i'm never dating her again because cheating is something I refuse to forgive. So I dunno. Right now I'm single and i'm going to stay that way for a while... I don't need the pain.

I ease that pain by reacting to break ups like :so what ?: Flirt with my exes and talk to them like nothing happened ..which might explain why EVERY single one of my girlfriends i've broken upw ith has always tried to hook back up.

Right now I like about 2 girls...One is this girl that I flirt with justa bout everyday, problem is she's kind of dumb and seems to flirt with just about everyone else..

The other girl..I can't tell if she's being a flirt or if she really likes me. The guys I've seen her date don't seem anything like me and she flirts with a lot of people too... So Like i said i'm a bit confused. Not to mention that I'm not looking for someone that flirts with everyone but is still cute. My last girlfriend was like that..But she's really hot, so I can't blame guys for hitting on her and she's not a big flirter...It still plauges me how should could of cheated on me. (its been 6 months and i'm still not over it)

There are a lot of girls in school that likeme but most of them are ugly and i know it's shallow as all heck but i can't date an ugly girl.

[Spooky05]

hmm...while looking back at my love life, i don't think its quite, whats the word? oh yes, breathing..

bf #1 - friends with him, then he died 2 months later. that was just a sign of things to come.

bf #2 - guy from chruch. we were friends, and then i asked him out. we 'dated' for about 3 months, but he dumped me on our 3 month anniversary because he decided he didn't like me that much after all. he is now going out with a friend of mine from church(the guy is homeschooled and the only contact with girls other than family is chruch).

guy #3 - yet another church boy. we grew up together, and i've liked him for quite a while. when i finally got the nerve to start a conversation that could lead to my confession, he tells me that he likes my best friend. so, being the idiot that i am, i fix the two up, with lacey(best friend) knowing full well that i like him. the beauty of it all....

guy #4 - a friend of mine from school. i didn't really like him, but i guess he liked me because at play rehearsal he kissed me and did other things that were not to my liking. i didn't do anything at the time because i was scared out of my mind. only later did i find out that he was 'bored' when he did what he did. oh joy..

guy #5 - i am friends with him presently, and when he found out that i had feelings for him, we both laughed it off and went on our merry ways. with me, again, helping to fix him up with the person of his intrest. do i never learn? the answer is no..

[looks up] and THAT is why i am single and laugh at those who ask me out, for they do not know what awaits them. i should really not find this funny, but i do.