Who do you cope with bullying?

[Aclaim]

I know I get bullied. Only it is not threats, just harassment. It is normally taunts and mockery. Luckily I've somehow learned how to cope with bullying. If you have ever been bullied, what are some ways you have to deal with bullies?

[J-man]

I just ignored it. However, I was never really specifically targeted, as I'm so nonchalant, so bullies just can't find anything to make fun of me about.

[Harvey Two Face]

I know it's rediculously hard, but you've just to ignore it, and always reassure yourself that you can always be better than them, e.g. if you have a hobby, sport or talent, just remind your self you can do something they can't.

[The Irishman]

F%^& 'em.

But seriously, ignorance can be bliss, not paying attention to them is the best policy, like J-man and Reiven said. Think positive, there's plenty of guys I knew at home who didn't like me, but I look at it this way; they might have seemed like the big men back then, but I've moved on to better things while they're still living with their parents and doing the same old thing day in, day out.

Who do you think is laughing now?

[Quacktoon]

I know it's rediculously hard, but you've just to ignore it, and always reassure yourself that you can always be better than them, e.g. if you have a hobby, sport or talent, just remind your self you can do something they can't.

That's exactly what I do. I don't really get bullied but I have to deal with a lot of idiots at my school. America's youth sucks. And that's coming from a 13-year-old which is pretty sad. :shrug:

[Lavenderpaw]

That's exactly what I do. I don't really get bullied but I have to deal with a lot of idiots at my school. America's youth sucks. And that's coming from a 13-year-old which is pretty sad. :shrug:

Perhaps that suckish attitude is just a front to conceal true character. ;)

[GregX]

I got it to stop. How? I beat one of my tormenters up with a great, big stick. Got suspended for a week, but it was worth it.

If they know you will fight them, they will stop. Even if they can beat you, it still becomes more trouble than it's worth.

[thedanmachine]

I got it to stop. How? I beat one of my tormenters up with a great, big stick. Got suspended for a week, but it was worth it.

If they know you will fight them, they will stop. Even if they can beat you, it still becomes more trouble than it's worth.

im with greg. even if you dont fight, you gotta stand up for yourself.

[Daxdiv]

I got it to stop. How? I beat one of my tormenters up with a great, big stick. Got suspended for a week, but it was worth it.

If they know you will fight them, they will stop. Even if they can beat you, it still becomes more trouble than it's worth.

That how I solved most of my bullying problems, cept we solved it with our fist and feet. The only weird thing was that my "bullier" somehow became a "friend" afterwards. Not sure how the hell that happens as it seems like something that comes out of those sitcoms if they had the balls to do a story like that other other than the "Fighting is Wrong" moral.

Sure I got into trouble, but if the crappy school system did something about punishing the guy who started it, my parents wouldn't be so angry at me and them at the same time.

[Deadman]

just try to ignore it. but if it gets too bad get some friends and beat them all up.

[Kagetsu]

im with greg. even if you dont fight, you gotta stand up for yourself.

This one I agree with. All through school, most bullying to me was caused because I ignored simple taunts until they got bolder (they always had bigger friends that made them feel protected). They will act like mongooses until they can get a reation and dart away to safety. Pick their protector. if you know the right strikes, you can drop a bigger opponent, and it doesn't take alot of force,,, just a commitment you may kill him.. One takedown
(once the guy drops to a submissive position, you can accept surender) will stop all the little harassment meant to curry favor from the people the little jerks want too impress. Avoid the "zero tolorence" by always keeping in mind the phrase "I was attacked and forced to defend myself" Don;t listen to any other bull that they use to get you to trust them and give them anything they can use against you. They will try several times to get you to accept some blame. Don't do it. Say that phrase repeatedly and never deviate. "I was attacked and forced to defend myself. Make it go public and bring in police if you can say that,,, you're covered. And all your opponent has to do is touch you. From that point on it's assault,(authority doesn't matter except an officer of law, and look for the word "law" or it's a normal citizen. And they have no greater power over you.) and if he survives, it's just his luck. Critical,,, don't touch him first,,, spit doesn't count as contact,,, remember that.

Don't ignore it. If you can't stop them, no one else will because it makes the school look bad. Once you're on a job, they will fire you on a mention of that crap. No appeal, no question.

[Desensitized]

The only thing I can say is don't let them push you around. If they're unable to intimidate you, they'll most likely give up.

[Storm Eagle]

Hm. It seems as though it's a catch twenty-two situation most of the time. You can ignore them which is said to work, but that can also encourage them to continue since they see you won't do anything about it. Then retaliating can also make them continue since they see that they can get a rise out of you. I guess I'd try ignoring it first, but definitely take action when things begin to get out of hand. I would generally avoid physical fights, but unfortunately it seems like it's the only single solitary way to get some of these punks off your back. Just like how a spanking generally tends to work in getting a kid to get it to stop acting up, even if just for a good long while.

I used to find it pathetic how these guys, and other people, would make me out to be the bad guy whenever I decided to put my foot down, when I clearly wasn't the antagonist in the situation. People explain to me that it's just probably since I'm the so-called "quiet one", that I'm one of the last people they'd expect to come off so bold. Though whether I'm the quite one or not, that shouldn't mean that I can't stand up for myself. We all need to, regardless of what kind of person we are, and regardless of what people might think of us.

[ToOn~g@l]

I had bully problems for a few years in high school. Ignoring them was extremely hard because they would keep doing it no matter how hard I tried to ignore them. My mom actually told me to talk back at them once but that didn't solve anything, mainly because I could never find the best comeback until a few hours later.

But this may sound really bad but when I was younger, I was very sesitive and got upset a lot. One day when one bully went too far, I actually got upset and cried. I tried to hide it but they saw it, and they didn't bother me as much after that. I wouldn't recommend doing that though, it will probably make others realize that you are a sissy.

But you can always hope that those bullies leave the school and never bother you again, 75% of the ones that bugged me did.

[J-man]

But you can always hope that those bullies leave the school and never bother you again, 75% of the ones that bugged me did.

That is one of the nice things about bullies: they're the really stupid kids who get $h!t for grades, and get suspended and expelled a lot. So, sometimes the problem solves itself! Just don't bank on it.

[Storm Eagle]

But this may sound really bad but when I was younger, I was very sesitive and got upset a lot. One day when one bully went too far, I actually got upset and cried. I tried to hide it but they saw it, and they didn't bother me as much after that. I wouldn't recommend doing that though, it will probably make others realize that you are a sissy.



Well, that IS rare. Now that you look back at it, do you think he really meant any harm?

[cathedral]

i would have probably been bullied in school if i did not become like them. then we still hated each other, but a mutual respect developed and we somehow co-existed. instead of fistfights, we started playing pranks on each other and although it made us angry as hell, thinking back it made my high school years a lot more memorable (and by memorable i mean worthwhile, interesting, fun).

there ya go Aclaim. sorry for missing the point!

[Aclaim]

it seems like you should have included a poll: passive or aggressive? i have to be honest and say i don't know how much help i'll be without fully knowing your situation. but, most importantly, i have to side with those saying you must stand up for yourself. no matter what the situation, more than likely they are not just gonna go away because you act indifferent. that's fairy tale stuff. flip out one day. pick a small one and get right in his face and just tell him straight up look you can dish all the f you want i'm still here and i'm gonna be here. (maybe you should watch Angus if you haven't seen it, great movie about bullying and all that goes with it). anyway, it doesn't have to come to physical violence (especially if you're in a screwy neighborhood where kids bring weapons to school). standing up verbally can be enough. and if it must come to blows, what's the worst that could happen? they're not gonna kill you. and then, oddly enough as was said before, you might end up being friends.

i would have probably been bullied in school if i did not become like them. then we still hated each other, but a mutual respect developed and we somehow co-existed. instead of fistfights, we started playing pranks on each other and although it made us angry as hell, thinking back it made my high school years a lot more memorable (and by memorable i mean worthwhile, interesting, fun).

all i can say is that you don't have to step on anyone, just stop getting stepped on yourself.

I'm sorry, but I do not get bullied anymore and I do stand up for myself. Whenever the bullies are in my presence they don't bully. I wasn't that confident last year, but this year I am so nobody is bullying me at all. This thread's main purpose was to find out how other people cope with bullying not me. I'm fine infact. I did flip out at bullies once, and it did help. But now people don't bully me anymore because I am very sure of myself. Thank you eveyone for your advice on helping me cope with bullying, but this thread is about how you cope with bullying not me. The bottomline is this though, the way I cope with bullying is not showing a reaction when the taunt me (getting angry or sad) and making eye contact with them so that they know I am not shy and that I am not an easy target for bullying. That and I don't act weird. I have no more problems with bullying anymore.

[Psilon]

The bottomline is this though, the way I cope with bullying is not showing a reaction when the taunt me (getting angry or sad) and making eye contact with them so that they know I am not shy and that I am not an easy target for bullying. That and I don't act weird. I have no more problems with bullying anymore.

Yep, that's what I did.
And be a good person, help when help is needed, whoever they maybe.

[Roman Legion]

No bully worth his salt is going to be phased by being ignored.
If it comes to that, few victims can ignore an unexpected punch to the gut.

I was pretty low on the social ladder.
I remember being beaten up by the nerds on occasion.

--Romey

[Storm Eagle]

No bully worth his salt is going to be phased by being ignored.
If it comes to that, few victims can ignore an unexpected punch to the gut.

I was pretty low on the social ladder.
I remember being beaten up by the nerds on occasion.

--Romey

Something I forgot to mention. Bullies thrive on an audience, so ignoring might work if nobody else in the area gives him any positive feedback either. Other people might give the bully fuel by laughing about whatever comments the bully is making and what not. A few people in the audience can also totally ruins a bully's day if they stick up for the person the bully is antagonizing.

[Roman Legion]

Something I forgot to mention. Bullies thrive on an audience, so ignoring might work if nobody else in the area gives him any positive feedback either.Kinda hard to avoid an audience at school, though. The only solution to that would be to somehow isolate yourself as much as possible, which doesn't sound like a healthy long-term approach.


Other people might give the bully fuel by laughing about whatever comments the bully is making and what not.Or even better, by gathering around to cheer on the physical violence.


A few people in the audience can also totally ruins a bully's day if they stick up for the person the bully is antagonizing.Can't remember that ever happening. The crowd's probably a lot less likely to stick up for the victim if it means putting themselves at risk.

--Romey

[Master Moron]

I know I get bullied. Only it is not threats, just harassment. It is normally taunts and mockery. Luckily I've somehow learned how to cope with bullying. If you have ever been bullied, what are some ways you have to deal with bullies?

My grandmother one time told me the story of how bullies used to beat up my dad. Eventually, my grandfather taught my dad how to box and then the next time the bullies tried to pick a fight with him my dad beat the **** out of them.


That how I solved most of my bullying problems, cept we solved it with our fist and feet. The only weird thing was that my "bullier" somehow became a "friend" afterwards. Not sure how the hell that happens as it seems like something that comes out of those sitcoms if they had the balls to do a story like that other other than the "Fighting is Wrong" moral.

Sure I got into trouble, but if the crappy school system did something about punishing the guy who started it, my parents wouldn't be so angry at me and them at the same time.

I agree. The school system always teaches you to ignore bullies and walk away. But, crap like that never works. Unfortunately, throughout high school I never fought back. Looking back, I wish I had thrown a punch at some point. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think I've really ever punched anyone in my life. I mean, other than a punch on the shoulder or something.

[ROBOTRON]

:raven: - Personally...I hate bullys who make it their life's ambition to go around picking on the meek. That goes for Jocks (bully-type) and Mean girls. I was a victim until I sprouted during puberty...then no one bothered me. I have stood up on occasion and protected people who were picked on.

Personally no one picks on me anymore.

http://i32.tinypic.com/k46qt2.jpg

I'm a ROBOT from the hard streets of Detroit, MI. Don't mess with me.

[Storm Eagle]

Kinda hard to avoid an audience at school, though. The only solution to that would be to somehow isolate yourself as much as possible, which doesn't sound like a healthy long-term approach.



I'm aware that it's hard to avoid an audience at school, but I'm just speaking from experience. I've had people spew out inane remarks to me, and other people around would just laugh a little. So I was just thinking about how people say that it'll eventually stop if you persist with ignoring it. I could do that, but I was thinking that if the other people around didn't
respond in any way, that might also get the comments to stop. Also, the people who weren't laughing might even egg me on to do something and not take the person's crap. I tend to just let the small insults roll off my back, and just take action when a line gets crossed. Ironically enough, I'd get crap for that as though I'm the bad guy in the situation.





Can't remember that ever happening. The crowd's probably a lot less likely to stick up for the victim if it means putting themselves at risk.



They didn't have to. All someone might do is just tell the person "leave him alone" or "lay off him". I remember how the antagonists got all upset about people not minding their own business and whatever.

[Zeonic Freak]

That's exactly what I do. I don't really get bullied but I have to deal with a lot of idiots at my school. America's youth sucks. And that's coming from a 13-year-old which is pretty sad. :shrug:

Ah middle school sux period. Everyone picks on one another in middle school, its crazy. High school is more of your "Your the geek, you have a reason to get picked on," or everyone stays to thier own.

Ill just say, if you have to kick the kid in the balls, do so. I am the type of person who will say something/fight back when you get under my skin and push me too far. I can ignore you all you want, but you do something that i know is going to get me to snap, watch out...

[The Irishman]

I was a victim until I sprouted during puberty...then no one bothered me.

It helps when it is widely known that even the guys on the basketball team have to look up when talking to you. :D

[DisneyBoy]

Ignoring doesn't always make them stop, but it certainly creates a frustrating wall between you and them. Bullies want to know they've gotten to you, and sometimes ignoring them entirely and being in your own head is good enough to get them to be bored with you.

You could always try to joke along with them, and turn their insulting comments into witty banter - in essence, become their friend, if only in the context of the situation. But that's something adults tend to be more capable of doing than kids. So don't be surprised if you can't quite change the nature of the dialogue.

[Storm Eagle]

You could always try to joke along with them, and turn their insulting comments into witty banter - in essence, become their friend, if only in the context of the situation. But that's something adults tend to be more capable of doing than kids. So don't be surprised if you can't quite change the nature of the dialogue.

I've actually done that, and it kind of works.

[Desensitized]

I've actually done that, and it kind of works.
I too have done that, and it has worked if you understand the person and their sense of humor.

[Dark Fact]

I've had to deal with bullies in school all the time when I was a kid. I wound up having crying fits, snapping and going wild, and even tried to throw punches. But guess what? To the bully, this is nothing more than cheap giggles.

Bullies want to have the chance to feel superior and get their own amusement at the expense of others. A lot of people here always suggest that you should stand up for yourself. Standing up for yourself is easier said than done. It really takes a lot to gather up that courage and try to talk back to the bully. And let's say that you did stand up for yourself? Then what? Are you going to keep that bold resilience? How do you know you won't get the crap beaten out of you? How do you know you won't back down and keep yourself from shaking like a leaf afterwards? If the bully sees you standing up for yourself and you don't remain calm and bold, he'll take advantage of that situation and reduce you to a position worse than you were before. If you're gonna "stand up" to the bully, you better be damn ready. Otherwise, find another means of compromise.

Should you go ask for help from the teacher? You could. But remember, telling is a double-edged sword. You may get the problem dealt with temporarily but you run the risk of the bully getting revenge on you or losing face with your classmates for "running away". When you get older, you're gonna be under even more pressure to stand up for yourself in order to keep face in society. What happens if you try to go out with a girl and a bully starts making fun of you and wants to take your girl for yourself? Are you gonna run away and tell a policeman? Sorry, but you have no choice but to talk back to save face not only from your colleagues but from your girl. Take a look around society. Women like to go out with men who are confident. Why else does the old saying "chicks dig men in uniforms" stand out?

When you tell a teacher about the bullying problem, they have no choice but to act against this. Most of the time, they aren't going to come in and save your ass if they see or hear about you or anyone else getting bullied in the halls or in the schoolyard. When you tell, the teacher has a reason to perform the action to prevent bullying but when you don't tell, the teacher may or may not help you. The thing is, when a teacher does stop a bully, they have to give him or her able punishment for breaking the rules. However, this will also involve getting parents thrown into the mix and when you're dealing with the parents of the bullies, the teacher has to have a ironclad reason and witnesses for why the bully is doing what he or she does. If the teacher doesn't have a reason and only brought the bully in for reasonable suspicion, then the parents could play the "Goodfellas" card and turn the situation back on the teacher. They could threaten lawsuits, bad reps, the whole nine yards in order to defend their bully child. No teacher wants to go through with this so that is why they tend to tell kids to ignore the bully or stand up for themselves.

But as for how I dealt with bullies? One answer: I humoured them. Back then, I couldn't win a fight if my life depended on it. I had the strength of a wet noodle and I was very sensitive. Those were all ingredients for bully amusements. But since I found out that bullies like to be amused, I started trying things out like impersonating famous characters off of television. I used to do Beavis & Butthead impressions all the time in school and sometimes in front of groups of kids since B & B was very popular in elementary and junior high. After that, I was considered cool by some bullies (not all). Looking back, I'm glad that my impressions paid off and I earned more friends in the process as a result.

And one more thing before I close off this post. Bullies may seem like they're high and mighty in their schools but once they have to go out into the real world, they'll realize how much of a stricter parent reality is than any of their own.

[Bryangst]

You could always try to joke along with them, and turn their insulting comments into witty banter - Always worked for me. Saying something witty in return is always a nice way to get a bully off your back.

[tb4000]

The more realistic approach is to just try to have some acquaintances on the more "popular" side. I know it's not always the case, but I was the short guy in school, was in the advanced classes, and of course got cracked on by many a bully. On the flip side, I knew some of the dudes on the b-ball/football teams, and we weren't best friends, but we knew each other, and usually if one of their boys attempted to start crap, one of them would be like, "chill, dude."

[thenewme93]

I know I get bullied. Only it is not threats, just harassment. It is normally taunts and mockery. Luckily I've somehow learned how to cope with bullying. If you have ever been bullied, what are some ways you have to deal with bullies?


I just show them that they don't intimidate me by hitting them back if they hit me. But if it's just verbal bullying, ignore it or fire back with a remark that you know will shut them up..

[DisneyBoy]

thenewme93, we've got different opinions.

Fighting is sometimes necessary, but I think that it's really difficult to know when you're in the moment if fighting is a solution to your problem. I'd say, exhaust every other possibility out before resorting to that.

The problem with people is that when they're scared, they don't tend to get creative. There are so many ways to live through an embarassing moment, and fighting is about as unproductive and dangerous a solution as you can use. But sometimes, there's no way out, you're trapped in an alley with someone who is coming at you and clearly isn't going to listen to words. And even then, I suggest you try to dodge and run, because hitting? It puts blood on your hands (sometimes literally).

There are two kinds of bullies. Those who make remarks or cause scenes in front of others (these can often be diffused using comedy or verbal trickery, since the entire situation is about the power of them orchestrating a performance) and those who hunt you down when you're alone. Those kind, I'm afraid, are much more dangerous. Because they don't care if anyone knows about what they're doing to you or the power they have over you. Their only pleasure is seeing the fear on your face, and I think that has a lot to do with how they were brought up. The public embarassement bullies want popularity or to show off. The stalker ones are pretty troubled people, really, because most people don't like to see someone else be afraid of them.

For the Stalkers (for lack of a better word), I think you need very much to run down your list of options. Ignoring doesn't often work with them because they know they can break you down, and the longer you put off reacting the more daring they'll become to try and scare you (which could lead to violence). So I'd try to address them early on, make it clear you have no bone to pick with them, and basically try to be their friend. Remember, keep your enemies closer and all that. It's better to have the crazy person close by, with an open line of communication, that to push them away with macho bravado that simply leaves you unsure of what they'll do next.

Try changing your habits to stay out of their way. They may tire of you, but if they do not, and things start to get physical, yes tell a teacher. Yes, get people involved who can possibly set-up boundaries for this person. They're troubled if they follow you around, or send you threatening emails, or do things in secret to hurt or scare you. Sure, the parents and teachers may only make things more complicated and yes, it may not stop the problem, but you're at least making it known. Things always get out of hand when intimidation keeps you from getting something out in the open, where others can intervene in the name of common decency. If your friends know someone is trying to attack you, you're much safer than if you keep it to yourself and hope it goes away. It won't.

And before we move on past fighting...it really doesn't work. Movies and sometimes even real life can make it seem like throwing a single punch will shock a bully so much that they back off. Sometimes it works, but is it really worth the risk of turning into someone who punches people out of fear?

In the real world, outside of High School, and sometimes even in it, there are gangs and druggies and troubled people who aren't going to necessarily care that you're beating them. They could pull out a gun, or do something wild and unpredictable. Fighting escalates things. Don't let your pride get in the way of getting out of a situation unscathed. You can either puff up your chest, throw a punch and end up shot, or hand over your wallet, cancel your credit cards and make a police report, you know?

If the bully sees you standing up for yourself and you don't remain calm and bold, he'll take advantage of that situation and reduce you to a position worse than you were before. If you're gonna "stand up" to the bully, you better be damn ready. Otherwise, find another means of compromise.

I don't know if everyone is capable of fighting. It's not like we're all trained on how to do that. To me, it isn't about not fighting if you don't think you can win. It's braver not to fight even when you know you would win, because it keeps the situation from getting out of hand. Never forget that while you may think of yourself as the "victim" or "Hero" in a situation, others might not. Others like friends, teachers, cops or courts. You can't know when your heart is pounding and your mind is racing if what's happening meets the legal requirements for self defense. So while you may be thinking it's okay to hit someone over the head with a blunt object because they're taunting you, a jury might say you're a murderer.

When you get older, you're gonna be under even more pressure to stand up for yourself in order to keep face in society. What happens if you try to go out with a girl and a bully starts making fun of you and wants to take your girl for yourself? Are you gonna run away and tell a policeman? Sorry, but you have no choice but to talk back to save face not only from your colleagues but from your girl. Take a look around society. Women like to go out with men who are confident. Why else does the old saying "chicks dig men in uniforms" stand out?

Okay, this is really not a fun thing to read. What you're writing about here is defending your ego, not your date. If a girl goes out with you, and decides that a heckler is cuter and leaves with him, she's a moron, and you have nothing to be upset about. I mean really...where did you get that situation from? An Archie comic?

If some wacko is trying to kidnap your date in the street, that's something entirely different than someone mocking you at the movies. Be smart, be clever, be quick. Be stupid - whatever! If squawking like a chicken is the only thing that comes to mind as a solution to turn a tense situation into one where everyone is laughing and you and your date can leave before someone loses a tooth, just squawk like a chicken! Who cares?

All this to say - put your ego aside. Try and keep some perspective. High School won't kill you unless you start carrying a knife around "to be safe". If you feel you need that, then you've become the most dangerous thing around.

And as for "chicks digging confident men", what everyone really digs is someone who is comfortable enough with themselves to put aside their ego and survive dangerous situations. Confidence isn't a willingness to attack someone. Sometimes, it can be a willingness to fight back, but that's not something I think we need to encourage more people to do. Fighting is almost always anger, and anger alone. So can you be angry and walk away? That's real confidence.

[ToOn~g@l]

Well, that IS rare. Now that you look back at it, do you think he really meant any harm?

Well now that I do look back on that, I think he was just being a jerk who had nothing better to do. Now that I think about it, I think what he did was annoying rather than soul crushing.

[Storm Eagle]

thenewme93, we've got different opinions.

Fighting is sometimes necessary, but I think that it's really difficult to know when you're in the moment if fighting is a solution to your problem. I'd say, exhaust every other possibility out before resorting to that.

The problem with people is that when they're scared, they don't tend to get creative. There are so many ways to live through an embarassing moment, and fighting is about as unproductive and dangerous a solution as you can use. But sometimes, there's no way out, you're trapped in an alley with someone who is coming at you and clearly isn't going to listen to words. And even then, I suggest you try to dodge and run, because hitting? It puts blood on your hands (sometimes literally).

There are two kinds of bullies. Those who make remarks or cause scenes in front of others (these can often be diffused using comedy or verbal trickery, since the entire situation is about the power of them orchestrating a performance) and those who hunt you down when you're alone. Those kind, I'm afraid, are much more dangerous. Because they don't care if anyone knows about what they're doing to you or the power they have over you. Their only pleasure is seeing the fear on your face, and I think that has a lot to do with how they were brought up. The public embarassement bullies want popularity or to show off. The stalker ones are pretty troubled people, really, because most people don't like to see someone else be afraid of them.

For the Stalkers (for lack of a better word), I think you need very much to run down your list of options. Ignoring doesn't often work with them because they know they can break you down, and the longer you put off reacting the more daring they'll become to try and scare you (which could lead to violence). So I'd try to address them early on, make it clear you have no bone to pick with them, and basically try to be their friend. Remember, keep your enemies closer and all that. It's better to have the crazy person close by, with an open line of communication, that to push them away with macho bravado that simply leaves you unsure of what they'll do next.

Try changing your habits to stay out of their way. They may tire of you, but if they do not, and things start to get physical, yes tell a teacher. Yes, get people involved who can possibly set-up boundaries for this person. They're troubled if they follow you around, or send you threatening emails, or do things in secret to hurt or scare you. Sure, the parents and teachers may only make things more complicated and yes, it may not stop the problem, but you're at least making it known. Things always get out of hand when intimidation keeps you from getting something out in the open, where others can intervene in the name of common decency. If your friends know someone is trying to attack you, you're much safer than if you keep it to yourself and hope it goes away. It won't.

And before we move on past fighting...it really doesn't work. Movies and sometimes even real life can make it seem like throwing a single punch will shock a bully so much that they back off. Sometimes it works, but is it really worth the risk of turning into someone who punches people out of fear?

In the real world, outside of High School, and sometimes even in it, there are gangs and druggies and troubled people who aren't going to necessarily care that you're beating them. They could pull out a gun, or do something wild and unpredictable. Fighting escalates things. Don't let your pride get in the way of getting out of a situation unscathed. You can either puff up your chest, throw a punch and end up shot, or hand over your wallet, cancel your credit cards and make a police report, you know?

If the bully sees you standing up for yourself and you don't remain calm and bold, he'll take advantage of that situation and reduce you to a position worse than you were before. If you're gonna "stand up" to the bully, you better be damn ready. Otherwise, find another means of compromise.

I don't know if everyone is capable of fighting. It's not like we're all trained on how to do that. To me, it isn't about not fighting if you don't think you can win. It's braver not to fight even when you know you would win, because it keeps the situation from getting out of hand. Never forget that while you may think of yourself as the "victim" or "Hero" in a situation, others might not. Others like friends, teachers, cops or courts. You can't know when your heart is pounding and your mind is racing if what's happening meets the legal requirements for self defense. So while you may be thinking it's okay to hit someone over the head with a blunt object because they're taunting you, a jury might say you're a murderer.

When you get older, you're gonna be under even more pressure to stand up for yourself in order to keep face in society. What happens if you try to go out with a girl and a bully starts making fun of you and wants to take your girl for yourself? Are you gonna run away and tell a policeman? Sorry, but you have no choice but to talk back to save face not only from your colleagues but from your girl. Take a look around society. Women like to go out with men who are confident. Why else does the old saying "chicks dig men in uniforms" stand out?

Okay, this is really not a fun thing to read. What you're writing about here is defending your ego, not your date. If a girl goes out with you, and decides that a heckler is cuter and leaves with him, she's a moron, and you have nothing to be upset about. I mean really...where did you get that situation from? An Archie comic?

If some wacko is trying to kidnap your date in the street, that's something entirely different than someone mocking you at the movies. Be smart, be clever, be quick. Be stupid - whatever! If squawking like a chicken is the only thing that comes to mind as a solution to turn a tense situation into one where everyone is laughing and you and your date can leave before someone loses a tooth, just squawk like a chicken! Who cares?

All this to say - put your ego aside. Try and keep some perspective. High School won't kill you unless you start carrying a knife around "to be safe". If you feel you need that, then you've become the most dangerous thing around.

And as for "chicks digging confident men", what everyone really digs is someone who is comfortable enough with themselves to put aside their ego and survive dangerous situations. Confidence isn't a willingness to attack someone. Sometimes, it can be a willingness to fight back, but that's not something I think we need to encourage more people to do. Fighting is almost always anger, and anger alone. So can you be angry and walk away? That's real confidence.

You bring up some interesting points about fighting. Anyway, I think it's good to know how to defend yourself physically.

That was the problem though, with what I went through in high school. Someone would mess with me, and people just wanted nothing more than for me to just knock their block off. I usually didn't, and it's a good thing that I didn't.

Now with this cyber-bullying going on, I think I'm just glad that my high school days are far into the past.

[DisneyBoy]

Now with this cyber-bullying going on, I think I'm just glad that my high school days are far into the past.

I think it certainly makes things easier for kids to be stupid, but if you don't have a cell phone in high school, or don't use facebook, you can avoid most of it. The question is, are kids these days willing to go without those things?

[Rud]

speak softly, but carry a big arsenal of combacks...

[Aclaim]

In my school, bullying used to be physical, but now it is more emotionally oriented (gossip, rumours, taunts) Luckily I am not bullied anymore, but I feel for anyone else who still is bullied.

[Temple Fugate]

I agree with those who suggest using humor. In middle school, my life was pretty much hell, but as junior high wore on I tried using self-deprecating humor whenever I was taunted. I realized that, yeah, I maybe deserved some of the bullying. I talked incessantly about Star Trek and comics. I lacked good social skills. There were tons of other reasons they picked on me that I couldn't do anything about, but regardless, once they saw that I realized how much of a freak I was, they started to back off. Many of them I developed a good rapport with. A few kids still picked on me, but they were the absolute lowest of the low. Nobody--NOBODY--liked them, and so they were insistent upon hating everyone else. The tactic didn't work on them, but I had already eliminated 90% of the problem so I didn't mind the remaining 10% so much.

To this day I still use humor as a defense mechanism. Instead of bullies, which no longer exist, it's everything else I deal with, from stressful situations to the passing of relatives. I've developed a real funny bone and my friends consider me a moderately good comedian (not very good, but hey, at least I get people to laugh WITH me than AT me). I daresay that being bullied in school was one of the best things to happen to me.

[.bg]

Ignoring them never works. Usually, people get picked on because something about them irritates other people. A good strategy would be to find what you think might annoy others and nip it in the bud. It worked for me when I was a lad.

[Elven Moon]

Not sure what to tell you. I suffered bullying throughout my entire school career - now, I admit I never got punched, had my lunch stolen or was given a swirlie. It was mental abuse - insults, mockery, snide remarks, or generally being ignored, so I didn't really desperately need to go to someone for help (how would they help, anyway?).

It just hurt a lot. I was a miserable little kid :shrug: I guess just try to ignore them or even try to friend them.

[purplehairedwonder]

I was teased a fair amount as a kid, but it was never anything physical. And honestly, with a big brother 8 years older than me, nothing any kid my age could say to me would beat anything my brother would tease me about so it never bothered me too much. I tended to ignore it and people looked for other targets whom they could get a rise out of. That, and as I got older, I started having comebacks for anything people would say, so that would often discourage verbal teasing as well. I'm still a pretty sarcastic person who always has a comeback, so I guess the teasing from my childhood impacted me more than I realized :sweat:

The one instance that did bother me, though, was in sixth grade when a couple of girls I had been good friends with for half the school year suddenly started picking on me for no reason. The "leader" even sent me nasty e-mails so I finally wrote back asking what I had ever done to her and that I would report any more nasty e-mails and she finally quit. I never did get an answer about what her problem was, but my confronting her made her stop.

[DisneyBoy]

Ahhh...it's all so different for everybody, isn't it?

I daresay that being bullied in school was one of the best things to happen to me.

I won't say that...but I will agree with this:

I realized that, yeah, I maybe deserved some of the bullying.

Nobody deserves to be bullied, but yes, people (kids especially) are going to point out anything about you that they find odd, stupid or annoying. We're always taught to ignore people's comments, but occassionally, giving them some thought is helpful. I mean, you wouldn't know not to run too fast if you never fell right? Well, sometimes snide remarks are like personality evaluations. It's just hard to judge whether the person evaluating you has a point or is just being catty. Don't let them change you, but certainly let the feedback make you think about how you could be a better you.

I finally wrote back asking what I had ever done to her and that I would report any more nasty e-mails and she finally quit.

Good for you! That's a strong thing to do. I remember the girls I hung out with in High School, even the nice ones, having pretty extreme opinions of some other girls regardless of whether or not those opinions were justified. Everyone gets catty sometimes, and proving it to them can sometimes end the cycle.