Alright, why must parents be so egotistic

[Brandon Pierce]

Seriously what is the deal that parents need to behave so arrogent and egoccentric to their kids. Why must they be hypocritical. Why must they tell lies to their kids and teens, but when their kids lie or put things off, parents act like it's a sin.

Why must parents embarass their children in front on their friends and laugh it up like it's some joke. But if YOU embarrass your parents in front of THEIR friends, they take away your privaleges, or punish you, etc.

Why can parents tease and taunt you, but if YOU tease and taunt them, they'll call you a smart mouth and get pissed off, and complain about being a brat.

To all the people who post on these boards and is a parent. Please let me know why you all act this way. I must know the answer. It's really annoying me.

[Roman Legion]

Ouch. Generalize much? Unfortunately, yeah, I know what you mean. I know exactly what you mean, all too well. Still, they're not all that bad. People in general just happen to suck. Parents are people. Kids are people. If they're not screwed up one way, then they're screwed up in another way. That knowledge should be somewhat humbling, really.

--Romey

[Cyporiean]

Move out, then you won't have to deal with there issues.

[Storm Eagle]

Seriously what is the deal that parents need to behave so arrogent and egoccentric to their kids. Why must they be hypocritical. Why must they tell lies to their kids and teens, but when their kids lie or put things off, parents act like it's a sin.

Why must parents embarass their children in front on their friends and laugh it up like it's some joke. But if YOU embarrass your parents in front of THEIR friends, they take away your privaleges, or punish you, etc.

Why can parents tease and taunt you, but if YOU tease and taunt them, they'll call you a smart mouth and get pissed off, and complain about being a brat.

To all the people who post on these boards and is a parent. Please let me know why you all act this way. I must know the answer. It's really annoying me.

I'm not a parent, and probably never will be, but I thought I'd share some of my insight.

These parents don't have to be parents to do the things that you say they do. It's just the simple fact that they're ADULTS. When I was a kid, a lot of adults seemed to like to flaunt their authority in my face. A few examples: "you're too young", "I'm an adult, and you're not". Some of them will even go a bit farther than they need to. They'll get all wise-ass and make all these remarks, knowing you can do nothing about it since they're the adult, and you're the kid. Then things like that gets kids wishing they were adults, and just can't wait to reach adulthood. That's why they try to act all grown-up themselves. Ironically enough, when they actually do reach adulthood, they find that it's not all that it's cracked up to be. So the adults that do all this taunting, it's probably all based on all the rage that they were forced to hold in as kids, and then they end up taking it all out on kids once they're adults. This is why I would tell any kid to just enjoy and savor their youth, and not to be in such a hurry to grow up. I've actually done so before.

[Antiyonder]

These parents don't have to be parents to do the things that you say they do. It's just the simple fact that they're ADULTS. When I was a kid, a lot of adults seemed to like to flaunt their authority in my face. A few examples: "you're too young", "I'm an adult, and you're not". Some of them will even go a bit farther than they need to. They'll get all wise-ass and make all these remarks, knowing you can do nothing about it since they're the adult, and you're the kid. Then things like that gets kids wishing they were adults, and just can't wait to reach adulthood. That's why they try to act all grown-up themselves. Ironically enough, when they actually do reach adulthood, they find that it's not all that it's cracked up to be. So the adults that do all this taunting, it's probably all based on all the rage that they were forced to hold in as kids, and then they end up taking it all out on kids once they're adults. This is why I would tell any kid to just enjoy and savor their youth, and not to be in such a hurry to grow up. I've actually done so before.

This is really why I think therapy should be a legal requirement before entering parenthood. The less idiotic parents, the less troubled youths. It's not an absolute solution, but not really a problem either. If it meant being a decent parent, I myself would submit to a session.

[Harvey Two Face]

Because:

A: They have been around longer (when generally talking to a child) meaning they think they have more experience.

B: Usually they are the soul breadwinners in the house paying for all the kids taxes and bills etc, it may vary from house to house.

C: Since they like made you, for lack of better words, they feel they have authority and superiority over their creation i.e children.

So yeah, parents can sometimes act like dictators but generally are only looking out for the wellfare of their children, I know this doesn't apply to everyone to whom I give my condolences but I'm only stating the stereotypes. (editing to this is appreciated).

[tb4000]

When you have kids, you'll understand. Kids can be the most unappreciative little bastards in existence.

[Kurokawa41]

My father used to be pretty bad but luckily he's willing to go to therapy and anger management.

[Brandon Pierce]

When you have kids, you'll understand. Kids can be the most unappreciative little bastards in existence.
True true.

The main reason I bring this up is because I myself have a bit of an up/down relationship with my dad who has a bit of an ego. He always claims I never do enough for him. I iron his work clothes, I clean the house when he's at work, a few months ago I've helped pay bills with some of my checks, etc. Yet he still calls me lazy.

A few of my friends have experienced the same thing. This is why I brought it up. I figured it was a universal thing.

[Weatherman]

For your dad in particular it sounds like he has self-esteem issues that he needs to sort out with some therapy.

On a more general level, adults can talk like that to each other because they have essentially earned that right to do so. A large part of growing up and maturing is living through the process and that does give some what of a right to talk to your peers in a friend group in ways that you wouldn't talk to other people. Kids generally haven't earned that right yet to do that to an adult.

And there is something to the one who brings in the bacon gets to make the rules. The rules have to at least be resonably fair if not balanced, but the adult gets to make them because the adult has to take responsibility for the kid when something goes wrong.

[Antiyonder]

On a more general level, adults can talk like that to each other because they have essentially earned that right to do so. A large part of growing up and maturing is living through the process and that does give some what of a right to talk to your peers in a friend group in ways that you wouldn't talk to other people. Kids generally haven't earned that right yet to do that to an adult.

And there is something to the one who brings in the bacon gets to make the rules. The rules have to at least be resonably fair if not balanced, but the adult gets to make them because the adult has to take responsibility for the kid when something goes wrong.

And it seems that's the probably with the majority of parents (some, not all) today, no balance. Those parents either let the kid do whatever or treat them like crap.

[Weatherman]

And it seems that's the probably with the majority of parents (some, not all) today, no balance. Those parents either let the kid do whatever or treat them like crap.

Ehh, you just don't hear about the good ones because it's not news.

[Shawn Hopkins]

Cause they brought you into this world and they can take you out.

Now you all kids all across the land,
take it from me, parents just don't understand
Dow-doop-do-do-do-do

Seriously, until you prove you're an adult they are still going to think of you as a child, and you will never be on an even keel with them so they feel the arrogance is justified. If your parents are reasonable, then when you find things that make you happy and things you are good at, move out of the house and start supporting yourself, you may find yourself on a slightly more even relationship with them. But then again maybe you won't. That's the fun of screwed up family relationships. You can't really pick your family members, so you'll just have to do what most people do and suffer until one of you dies.

[Roman Legion]

A little exchange earlier today between my dad and brother went like so, "I don't care if you were taking a math test today, why weren't you out practicing driving?!" Then I had to sneak out before he turned on me to ask why I didn't make him go out driving instead of letting him take a math test... at least it was a relatively tame confrontation. :sweat:

It's nothing to do with being a parent and everything to do with what kind of person you are...


When you have kids, you'll understand. Kids can be the most unappreciative little bastards in existence.True, but not necessarily relevant. I was always the model child, and that never earned me anything, no matter how much my friends' parents remarked upon that fact.


Seriously, until you prove you're an adult they are still going to think of you as a child...Or, as you already admit, maybe not. Some parents just aren't reasonable, and they'll treat you no differently for the rest of your life.

--Romey

[Kurokawa41]

Cause they brought you into this world and they can take you out.

You know I hear that saying a lot but that would be considered murder and I believe it would result in a death sentence?

[Hanshotfirst113]

When you have kids, you'll understand. Kids can be the most unappreciative little bastards in existence.

Ouch.

[Dr.Pepper]

Parents have authority over you. That's it

[Frozen]

C'mon, not all parents are nazis, and not all kids are little swines--there's some gross generalisation going on in this thread.

What is true is thatpeople are PEOPLE. Each is as different as the next. Being a parent is like any other stressful situation--it brings about extremes in personality. Plus, in the final analysis, some people are just lousy parents. I say that as a lousy father.

[Storm Eagle]

When you have kids, you'll understand. Kids can be the most unappreciative little bastards in existence.

*almost wants to tell you not to ever have kids*


A little exchange earlier today between my dad and brother went like so, "I don't care if you were taking a math test today, why weren't you out practicing driving?!"

Wowsers. That's weird. One day I was taking a mid-term for a class in senior year of high school, and would also be taking my drivers ed final later on. My mother wanted me to pay more attention to my mid-term than the drivers ed test.

[Novapocalypse]

Parents have to disipline kids to make them better people when their older.Wether it spanking them,and talking.

I would know,im only 13.:D

[Storm Eagle]

Parents have to disipline kids to make them better people when their older.Wether it spanking them,and talking.

I would know,im only 13.:D

I don't think this is so much about child discipline, because we all know that that's a must. It seems to be more about why parents feel they have to go to unnecessary extremes

[Novapocalypse]

In that case it could be they had a bad day at work or mabye they've had the final straw.I dont know this one.

[Storm Eagle]

In that case it could be they had a bad day at work or mabye they've had the final straw.I dont know this one.

Well yeah, I'm sure being a parent can be rather stressful. That stress causes them to do or say things they don't mean, and they even end up regretting it later on. At least one good part about that is that you don't have to be a parent in order to experience that.

[Roman Legion]

Wowsers. That's weird. One day I was taking a mid-term for a class in senior year of high school, and would also be taking my drivers ed final later on. My mother wanted me to pay more attention to my mid-term than the drivers ed test.Sometimes you gotta let those kids know who's right and who's wrong.
Even if it's irrational, apparently.

--Romey

[Novapocalypse]

Well yeah, I'm sure being a parent can be rather stressful. That stress causes them to do or say things they don't mean, and they even end up regretting it later on. At least one good part about that is that you don't have to be a parent in order to experience that.

Yeah,back when I was 10,brother accidently hit me with a remote in the mouth(yes it did hurt) but I ended up hurting his feelings and ended up feeling bad about myself.

[mookie75]

I think the question that makes the subject of this thread is best answered with another question:

Why must kids be so egotistical that they feel they're qualified to critique parents on a skill -- that skill being parenting -- that the child himself/herself has never been called on to use?

I'm not a parent myself, and this is not to say that all parents are perfect, but it's amazing how many things that seemed so traumatizing in your youth will seem like nothing when you look back on them from an older age. Your parents gave you **** a few times? I'd bet it's nowhere near the amount that you've given them. ("You" being no one in particular, so don't anyone get defensive.). They've embarrassed you in front of your high school friends? In most of the cases I've seen, those people won't mean much to you at all after you've been away from them for a couple of years. There are exceptions to that rule, but leaving high school behind seems to be far more common than clinging to it among the people that I know.

If you think life is tough now, wait until the real world swallows you up. You'll have adversaries then too, but most of the time you don't even know who or what they are. :p

[Antiyonder]

In that case it could be they had a bad day at work or mabye they've had the final straw.I dont know this one.


Parents have to disipline kids to make them better people when their older.Wether it spanking them,and talking.

I would know,im only 13.:D

Not really an excuse, but then excuses are for the weak. Sure I'd get a spanking or two, but not on account of my parents being in a bad mood. If any of them were stressed out, the worst that they would do would be to talk in an angry tone.

And believe me, I do think that some children today get away with too much. The problem is that some parents will be too nice to their kids or be too strict. It's much more effective to actually mix the two. Another example of that, is does a person obtain good health if they eat properly or exercise? Nope, both are required.

Just as kids need to be disciplined if they misbehave, they also need to be complimented and praised when they do well and behave. Discipline and encouragement need to both be used equally, not one or the other.


Why must kids be so egotistical that they feel they're qualified to critique parents on a skill -- that skill being parenting -- that the child himself/herself has never been called on to use?

What makes you think I'm critiquing my parents? Second, being a parent doesn't automatically mean everything they say and do are correct. My parents balanced out the aspects mentioned above pretty well. And for that I'm grateful.

So why am I bothered by parents that don't do things right? Because:

A. My sensitivity towards another person.

B. Because the majority of kids with bad parents look to make us feel bad for their lives. The whole my life sucks, so I'm going to make sure that your life also sucks.


I'm not a parent myself, and this is not to say that all parents are perfect,

Actually no one is perfect. Parents maybe more experienced and physically superior, but they are also human, and all humans are flawed. Being a parent doesn't mean doing what they want, but that they have a greater responsibility. Just as Frozen said that we shouldn't generalize parents, we shouldn't generalize children by saying that the ones that get beaten brought it on themselves. Here's what I'm refering to:


Your parents gave you sh*t a few times? I'd bet it's nowhere near the amount that you've given them. ("You" being no one in particular, so don't anyone get defensive).

Sometimes, the parent is out of line. If you actually read the thread thoroughly, you'll have noted that unRömĕy was scolded for taking math test rather than practicing his driving. If he was out partying or drinking I'd understand the hostility, but a math test. Tell me how that is so bad.

The reason why some parents are stressed is because they never counted on having children (unaware that children are the result of sex), or some parents foolishly rush into having kids thinking that parenthood is as simple as playing house.

It's been stated a few time that the parents are the ones who bring the children in the world so their should be some gratitude. Ok, but is it the child's fault he or she were born? The fact is the parent makes the choice to bring the child into the world, and if they were expecting parenthood to be easy then they must have taken naitivity lessons from Goku.

[Storm Eagle]

Sometimes you gotta let those kids know who's right and who's wrong.
Even if it's irrational, apparently.

--Romey

I was only pointing out an interesting difference between your father and my mother, about the driving thing.

[Roman Legion]

Why must kids be so egotistical that they feel they're qualified to critique parents on a skill -- that skill being parenting -- that the child himself/herself has never been called on to use?Why not? Some of us are commenting in retrospect, anyhoo.

You don't have to earn anything to become a parent. Anyone can do it. To call parenting a "skill" is probably giving people too much credit. I suspect most play it by ear. Just when you think you've got the hang of parenting an x year old, the kid becomes an x+1 year old. You can plan to do better with the next kid, but then the dynamics change by having an older sibling around. Even if you accidentally have another kid at 40 or later, you'll still have surprises.

Parenthood is a perpetual chess game. Make your moves, but as the supposed adult, play nice. It's the least you can do.


...it's amazing how many things that seemed so traumatizing in your youth will seem like nothing when you look back on them from an older age.If you say so. It's not like that for me at all. Having gained more perspective, I find it even more traumatizing now, so I try not to remember parts of it when I don't have to. I'm not gonna claim that I had the "worst childhood ever" nor anything close, but out of the average middle class American experience, a lot of it was unnecessary and uncalled for at best.


Your parents gave you **** a few times? I'd bet it's nowhere near the amount that you've given them. ("You" being no one in particular, so don't anyone get defensive.)."You" has to be no one in particular, since you wouldn't know, so why bother saying it? You might as well demand someone be defensive. =P


They've embarrassed you in front of your high school friends?The ones I didn't have and wouldn't have invited over anyway, if I knew what was good for me? I did later invite college friends over, and yes, there was embarrassment. I doubt it was anything like what you're thinking, either.

--Romey

[Shawn Hopkins]

I think in a lot of cases they're just doing the best they know how. Turning 30 doesn't magically make you wise. I'm the same age my mom was when I was 12 and I still don't know what the hell is going on.

[mookie75]

To those who got defensive in spite of the fact that I went out of my way to say that I wasn't referring to anyone in particular: settle down. And to the clever little person who says that I'm basically demanding that people get defensive: fine, my usage of "you" can refer to every child who ever lived who had a problem with his/her parents. As I said, I'm not a parent myself, but I was once a child who didn't always like his parents, I watch my friends raising children every day, and I've spent a few of my early post-college years teaching children and far too many of them are ungrateful and egotistical little s.o.b's that believe they know what's best at all times. Perhaps that's why I chose to no longer teach them, but at least there's satisfaction to be had in knowing that the passage of time will set virtually all of them straight. It just takes longer for some than it does for others.

So there you go, that's my response without the sugar coating that I usually apply to message board postings. It's really a waste of time to try and work damage control in advance on a message board anyway, so everyone can take it or leave it. I have to say that message boards become infinitely more enjoyable once you realize that someone will always get pissy no matter what you say, but you find that you just don't care because it will all be on page 20 of the forum within a week or two anyway. That's especially handy on this board since you get yelled at if you revive any thread that sank beyond page 4 or so. :p

Returning to the subject at hand, people can twist words and offer all the justifications they want, but the struggle between parent and child is as old as time itself. Parents can only do their best with what they know, what they've gleaned from their own parents and what they learn along the way to raise those little bundles of "joy" from age 0 to 18 (and usually beyond that). As far as I know, babies still don't pop out of the womb with an instruction booklet tied around their ankle.

Everyone here would do well to remember that every human being is a work in progress and none of us are ever going to be perfect. I'm sure we'll all have ample opportunities to ponder that in the future when we have our own children and we do something that makes them hate us (temporarily at least). I think we all grow up promising ourselves that we won't be just like our parents, but it's amazing how many times we wind up like them anyway. I know I see more and more of my dad in me as I get older.

[Antiyonder]

To those who got defensive in spite of the fact that I went out of my way to say that I wasn't referring to anyone in particular: settle down. And to the clever little person who says that I'm basically demanding that people get defensive: fine, my usage of "you" can refer to every child who ever lived who had a problem with his/her parents. As I said, I'm not a parent myself, but I was once a child who didn't always like his parents, I watch my friends raising children every day, and I've spent a few of my early post-college years teaching children and far too many of them are ungrateful and egotistical little s.o.b's that believe they know what's best at all times.

I'm not taking it personally, just found your statement to be generalizing. Yes I have no doubt that there are children like the ones you mention, but there are some out there who are well behaved (not perfect mind you, but not the spawns of Satan you make them out to be). I don't expect parents to be perfect, it's using lack of perfection to make no effort that's the problem. And I for one happen to like my parents, even when I was young. They disciplined me like I said when I did wrong, but they didn't (and still don't) resent me.

I'm not anti-parents, I'm just saying that it's not a simple black and white matter. In some kid/parent relationships the kid is a spoiled brat who should receive punishment, others the parent is out of line. Heck, there could be some instances where both of sides are messed up. Like I said, not a black and white subject. You can't base every kids behavior on the ones in your area, unless you know every single child on the planet. That's called sterotyping, and we get enough of that in sitcoms.

[Kagetsu]

Because they are human. So they are reactionary, self absorbed and have power over you. When I hear talk against elderly abuse, I think of spanking. What goes around comes around. I love my mother, but I still hold a very black grudge for a beating she gave me because she was mad.

I'm seeing many people on the other board that are always having their internet privileges taken because the parents want them to do "other" things. Usually school work. But they focus on "taking" rather than supporting the action they want the kid to do. Parents just don't know any better and don't care to learn.

[.bg]

When you have kids, you'll understand. Kids can be the most unappreciative little bastards in existence.
That's a little harsh. There's good kids too, you know.

I don't really think I'd be a very good parent. I'm not really the type of guy to be harsh at times with anyone, no matter what age. I could never punish a child, either.

[Roman Legion]

To those who got defensive in spite of the fact that I went out of my way to say that I wasn't referring to anyone in particular: settle down.Calm down yourself, then go back and read what was actually said. Maybe you'll glean a little more. Or maybe not. Who knows? =P

--Romey

[DarthGonzo]

Parents just don't know any better and don't care to learn.

Nice blanket statement.

[Kuroba]

Admittedly, My parents and I tease each other all the time. They do get annoying at times, but most of the time, we get along. But then again, they're very liberal and lenient.

But anyway, Parents are humans. They get angry and pissy for the same reasons you do, and for different ones as well. And it goes around full cycle, when you become a parent, you'll probably lose your patience with your kids too. It's almost involuntary. Kids get on parents' nerves, and vice versa.

[Chad Bonin]

Not a parent, have problems with my own parents, but their parents. They have that right to do whatever they want.

And God, the kids I see at work? I'm gonna adopt a 21 year old when I'm in my 40s.

[Storm Eagle]

Not a parent, have problems with my own parents, but their parents. They have that right to do whatever they want.

And God, the kids I see at work? I'm gonna adopt a 21 year old when I'm in my 40s.

Me, I'm going to adopt a cat. They're easier, less costly, and they're more fun.

So it's no secret that parents can cross the line. Their hearts are in the right place, but sometimes they do go overboard. I think it's fine as long as they realize when they've gone too far and are big enough to admit it, instead of being all smug and self-righteous about it.

[Chad Bonin]

Me, I'm going to adopt a cat. They're easier, less costly, and they're more fun.

So it's no secret that parents can cross the line. Their hearts are in the right place, but sometimes they do go overboard. I think it's fine as long as they realize when they've gone too far and are big enough to admit it, instead of being all smug and self-righteous about it.
Adopt a good 21-year old. Be proud of their achievements, go drinking with them, rely on their more able body for house work, and get them to pay for your old ass in a retirement home.

[Kagetsu]

Nice blanket statement.Fluffy and warm. You have a counter to it? I fully believe parents are the same as apes, they learn their parenting skills from their parents.

[Roman Legion]

Fluffy and warm. You have a counter to it? I fully believe parents are the same as apes, they learn their parenting skills from their parents.Humans are a little more complex than that. There's more going on in our lives to screw us up on the way to becoming parents ourselves. Maybe we'd see better parenting, otherwise. :sweat:

--Romey

[Kagetsu]

Humans are a little more complex than that. There's more going on in our lives to screw us up on the way to becoming parents ourselves. Maybe we'd see better parenting, otherwise. :sweat:

--Romey
Yea I agree. What parents need is a way to guide their children other than punishment. But I feel punishment is easier. I'm remotely watching my cousin and her husband raising a very bright daughter, and a rather clumsy younger son. I think they are handling it so wrong. But I have no kids(thank god, not that I've ever done anything to get them, yes I'm a geek) and while I know I have a short patience limit, I would hope that I would never use my feelings for adults, to relate to kids.

I have pictured myself with my kid that has confronted me, and know that I would have to turn and take a walk and talk it out to my selfe before I could actually deal with it in the right way. Adults and kids have to work around their gut emotions before they all can see things rationally.