Maxie Zeus
02-04-2002, 12:33 PM
If you're like me, you're not really paying attention to the "Enron" thing. Until James Lileks made an alarming discovery:
Perhaps the oddest detail to emerge from the Enron collapse --
Hey! Come back! Please?
Thank you. This isn't going to be an impenetrable recitation of byzantine accounting practices; I leave that to the experts who can pretend they understand it far more convincingly than I can. But at lunch today I was reading a Wall Street Journal story about Enron's demise and came across a rather bizarre detail. According to the story, Enron's troubles began when a clique of execs formed a company called "Chewco."
I laughed, because it was such a stupid name -- it sounded like a cartoon corporation that made bubble gum. I could imagine the CEO: fat and bald, of course, with black glasses and a cigar the size of a rolled newspaper, staring out over belching smokestacks, with the giant sign CHEWCO dominating the landscape.
Upon reading more, however, I learned a detail that would forever taint my view of the Enron matter: Chewco was named for Chewbacca, the beloved "Star Wars" character best known for waving a gun unconvincingly and shouting "Nnnneeuuaugggh" or "gnughgighirawrrr," if he was angry. He was always naked, albeit covered with long orangey-brown hair, and he no doubt stunk; the smell aboard the Millennium Falcon probably could knock a yak flat.
I read on: The Enron lads proposed letting Chewco buy, for $383 million, another Enron limited partnership named . . . Joint Energy Development Investments.
JEDI. As in Knights, as in "Return of," as in Obi-Wan, as in "Star Wars" again. I did some research on the Net and found that Enron not only underwrote the "Star Wars" museum show in Houston, it had some other curiously named financial satellites, such as Kenobe, and OBI-1 Holdings. Get it? Obi-ONE? How did these guys keep a straight face when the accountants came in with some questions?
Gentlemen, it seems as if Energy Work Operations Council -- what? What's so funny? If I might continue, EWOC is shifting some assets to Skywalker Ltd., with insurance matters handled by the firm of Jabba Thehutt and Associates -- look, I fail to see what's so amusing here.
I wish I were kidding, but the implications are grim. Either these guys were just "Star Wars" geeks, or, more likely, Enron was building a Death Star and lost all its money when a cocky kid from a sandy planet blew the thing up. So, as a public service, here are some signs that your 401(k) should be diversified outside of company stock:
1. In staff meetings, black-helmeted branch managers choke employees to death by pointing at them.
2. Top female employee of a recently acquired firm is chained in boss' office wearing a metal bikini.
(Well, every guy under 50 got that one.)
No, I'd better stop here, because this will only make sense to "Star Wars" fans, and my Chewbacca comments have already guaranteed 10 gigabytes of hate mail from the Dweeb Brigade. Good thing I'm not that geeky; good thing I've grown up.
Incidentally, when I reported my theories to a female friend, she said, "Well, when the Enron guys got in trouble why didn't they just beam themselves out?"
HelLO? "Star Wars" doesn't HAVE transporters! That's Star Trek!
Girls are so stupid.
from startribune.com (http://www.startribune.com/stories/804/1402822.html)
Perhaps the oddest detail to emerge from the Enron collapse --
Hey! Come back! Please?
Thank you. This isn't going to be an impenetrable recitation of byzantine accounting practices; I leave that to the experts who can pretend they understand it far more convincingly than I can. But at lunch today I was reading a Wall Street Journal story about Enron's demise and came across a rather bizarre detail. According to the story, Enron's troubles began when a clique of execs formed a company called "Chewco."
I laughed, because it was such a stupid name -- it sounded like a cartoon corporation that made bubble gum. I could imagine the CEO: fat and bald, of course, with black glasses and a cigar the size of a rolled newspaper, staring out over belching smokestacks, with the giant sign CHEWCO dominating the landscape.
Upon reading more, however, I learned a detail that would forever taint my view of the Enron matter: Chewco was named for Chewbacca, the beloved "Star Wars" character best known for waving a gun unconvincingly and shouting "Nnnneeuuaugggh" or "gnughgighirawrrr," if he was angry. He was always naked, albeit covered with long orangey-brown hair, and he no doubt stunk; the smell aboard the Millennium Falcon probably could knock a yak flat.
I read on: The Enron lads proposed letting Chewco buy, for $383 million, another Enron limited partnership named . . . Joint Energy Development Investments.
JEDI. As in Knights, as in "Return of," as in Obi-Wan, as in "Star Wars" again. I did some research on the Net and found that Enron not only underwrote the "Star Wars" museum show in Houston, it had some other curiously named financial satellites, such as Kenobe, and OBI-1 Holdings. Get it? Obi-ONE? How did these guys keep a straight face when the accountants came in with some questions?
Gentlemen, it seems as if Energy Work Operations Council -- what? What's so funny? If I might continue, EWOC is shifting some assets to Skywalker Ltd., with insurance matters handled by the firm of Jabba Thehutt and Associates -- look, I fail to see what's so amusing here.
I wish I were kidding, but the implications are grim. Either these guys were just "Star Wars" geeks, or, more likely, Enron was building a Death Star and lost all its money when a cocky kid from a sandy planet blew the thing up. So, as a public service, here are some signs that your 401(k) should be diversified outside of company stock:
1. In staff meetings, black-helmeted branch managers choke employees to death by pointing at them.
2. Top female employee of a recently acquired firm is chained in boss' office wearing a metal bikini.
(Well, every guy under 50 got that one.)
No, I'd better stop here, because this will only make sense to "Star Wars" fans, and my Chewbacca comments have already guaranteed 10 gigabytes of hate mail from the Dweeb Brigade. Good thing I'm not that geeky; good thing I've grown up.
Incidentally, when I reported my theories to a female friend, she said, "Well, when the Enron guys got in trouble why didn't they just beam themselves out?"
HelLO? "Star Wars" doesn't HAVE transporters! That's Star Trek!
Girls are so stupid.
from startribune.com (http://www.startribune.com/stories/804/1402822.html)