Scenes From a Hat: Things not to do with wild animals

[Brandon Pierce]

*walks up to ferocious lion*
"I'm going to teach you how to Tango!"

[Agent S7]

Teach sharks to eat a rare steak from your hand.

Use a cobra as a jump-rope.

Tickle a grizzly bear.

Play "fetch" with a fairly large, rabid wolf. (Without wearing any pants.)

~s7

[Sharklady]

Never try to spank a porcupine.

[candy17]

Things Not To Do To (or With) Wild Animals:

Make a rabid pitbull watch anything on the FOX network, especially "When Animals Attack"

Go inside a lion's den at the zoo and yell at the alpha male for not looking like Mufasa from The Lion King

Paint a red bull's-eye on yourself during a bullfight (even though bulls are colorblind and attracted to motion rather than color, so that whole thing about bulls getting angry when they see red is a myth)

Sacrifice a blond virgin to a gorilla at the zoo, just like on "King Kong".

Go up to a bear in the woods, call him Yogi, and ask him where his hat and tie are

[JShaggy]

Never go up to an animal and say "Here, Rover!" or "Come here, Spot!" (something Sasshi said on Abenobashi)