Moving Back Home...

[brianycpht]

I'm in a bit of a situation, my mom has been sick with leaukemia for the past 3 years on and is currently in remission. She's currently out of work and has been that way for five months. My father has never worked as long as I've been alive (house husband). They've cashed out they're 401K and are worried about money, so they;ve been hinting that I should move back home to help out financially. They've even offered me the master bedroom for all my furniture and my two cats. My father said that he wouldn't get in the way of my life. I feel as if I have some sort of responsibility for this. The thought just kind of scares me because I have gotten used to being on my own. Would it be fair to ask to hold it off until my lease expires in Febuary so I can get my affairs in order?

[One Radical Dude]

Is there a reason why your father doesn't work? I'm curious.

[brianycpht]

Well, Radical, it's a variety of reasons. Basically the same reason a housewife doesn't work because the husband is the breadwinner and there are children to be raised. Only my mom was the breadwinner and my dad had to take care of me and my brother growing up. My brother is 17 and I'm 21 now. I've been out of the house for two years.

Problem is, my dad doesn't have much skills or things he could do that would pay very much. He's willing to get a job, but he's not sure what he's qualified for at his age (52). He's not very tech saavy. Plus my mom is still not capable of doing much on her own. Radiation treatment stopped the growth of a tumor, but has left her without a functioning eye she, so she has vison problems. Plus the side effects of the drugs shes been on has left her mentally drifting in and out. So she can't be left on her own.

My main concern is that if this is not a temporary solution, I'll never be able to leave again. If my mom never recovers, this situation will never improve. My brother will surely leave at some point and I'll be left to take care of both of them financially without any help. I'm not rich and can barely support myself and couldn't do it long term without some assistance. So that prospect frightens me a great deal.

[Beyond Batman]

Moving back home, you have to ask yourself how much of your life are you willing to sacrifice? Family is important, but there will come a point where you'll need to build a foundation for youself. At the same time, you can't just ditch your family if they're in need. I think it would be a good idea to have a one-on-one with your Dad, and see if he could come to a compromise and maybe have him find a part time job.

If your Dad can't work, has he thought about selling the house and using that money to buy a condo or trailer home to minimize their cost of living? I'm sure the money from the house plus the payout of their 401K could afford them a way to make a decent living.

Regarding your lease, that's a legal issue your obligated to. Breaking it could cost you a lot of money.

[brianycpht]

Exactlty it would cost me well over $1000 dollars to move. I told him that we'd have to play it by ear to see how things are going. I told him that I wouldn't flat out say that it's not a possibility but I didn't say that I would do it

[Captain Zechs]

Hmm...what about some of his or her brothers and sisters? And their parents? I am sure they would be willing to help out.

[Weatherman]

Does your mom have any family member's who could step up and help out somehow? Also, does her insurence. assuming she has any, cover any kind of in-house care? Even if it's only part time it could really help your dad get out and start looking around a bit. I would reccomend he get soem kind of basic computer training, polish his resume and drop by a staffing company when he has some time to see what thye can do. Alot offer computer training.

[brianycpht]

Weatherman, they're on disability right now (COBRA) and they're paying out their ass for it (over $1000 a month). Things will probably be OK, my whole family is negative about it, but I always look at the bright side.

[Weatherman]

How is your dad disabled?

[One Radical Dude]

That's a very good question, and hopefully, Brian will answer it.

[brianycpht]

Nah, It's my mother's disability insurance because she's been sick with cancer and hasn't been strong enough to work. Dads not disabled but he is my mom's caregiver= and they can't afford any assistance. All my relatives live in Jersey where we're from. So I should say, my MOTHER'S on disability...

[Weatherman]

You mom's insurence doesn't offer any kind of in-home care?

[One Radical Dude]

I think it's great that you want to help out in this difficult situation, Brian, however, I do believe that if your father is physically fine, he needs to do whatever it takes to get some kind of job. It isn't fair that you would be solely responsible for your mother's condition. If you were making excellent money, that would be one thing. From what I'm reading, you've be doing well enough to get by.

Anyway, I can't make a choice for you. I do want you to make the most reasonable decision(s). If I were the father/husband, I'd do whatever it takes to find work. While 52 isn't young, it's not exactly what I define 'old', either. Just my few cents.

[cross blues]

I think it's great that you want to help out in this difficult situation, Brian, however, I do believe that if your father is physically fine, he needs to do whatever it takes to get some kind of job. It isn't fair that you would be solely responsible for your mother's condition. If you were making excellent money, that would be one thing. From what I'm reading, you've be doing well enough to get by.

i get the same impression. and though it is your mother, i agree it's not fair to try to lump EVERYTHING on you. obviously your younger bro can't do much without sacrificing his future (college or whatever) but there MUST be other family members who could chip in at least a little bit. there are plenty of jobs out there that pay $8-10 (maybe more) with no experience of any kind. if your dad would be willing to do that, it would help out a lot. loans could work, if you would be in a position to make more money in the future. the bottom line here is that someone else should be contributing here (ANY other family member, not just you). you have a life to live too. yes cancer ****ing sucks but what the hell can you do about it? i suggest you try to find a cheaper place to live (away from home) and send money to help. i also agree with the earlier suggestion that they find a cheaper place to live. i have never had to deal with anything like this, so there's no way i can feel what you're feeling, but i don't think the entire burden of this should be heaped on you. talk to people. argue with insurance. make plans. and, biggest of all, decide how much of your life you are willing to sacrifice.

[brianycpht]

Agreed, I'll do what I can, but I can't do everything..