Scenes From A Hat: Rejected Lifetime Original Movies

[candy17]

We've all seen (or at least heard about) those made-for-TV movies on Lifetime: Television For Women, usually about a woman who's being abused by her husband and doesn't have the God-given common sense to leave the relationship until five minutes before the movie ends.

But, like with TV shows, there are some Lifetime made-for-TV movies that were good ideas, but never made it. Here are a few (some of which were shown on SNL, which will be indicated with an asterik
)

Hello, Stepson, Now Let's Go To Bed: I Went To Bed With My Stepson--The Laura Bengal Covington Story* (this had Ana Gasteyer as a woman who fell in love with her stepson, played by host, Josh Hartnett [the guy from that movie where he plays this person who has to give up sex for 40 days])

Mother, May I Marry a Nice Doctor You Really Like?

Please God, Don't Microwave My Fetus!

To Love, Honor, and Stalk: The Gillian Woodward Story* (this had Amy Poehler as a wife who was being hounded by her over-affectionate, if not somewhat creepy, husband played by host, Senator John McCain [Rep., AZ])

I Will Iron Your Clothes When You Iron Out the Inequities in Your Labor Laws (I think this was on a statue on an episode of The Simpsons--a good one, not a lame one)

I Can Quit Anytime I Want: My Personal Beanie Baby Hell

I Was a Vacuous Republican Trophy Wife

Moistened by Danger

[Brandon Pierce]

Lucas: Part Deaux starring Drew Carey as Lucas, Jennifer Aniston as Maggie, and Emilio Estivez as Cappie.

[Zubby]

Well,I was channel surfing last night, and I saw that Lifetime was running the film "Not Without My Daughter". On the listing, however, the last word was missing-it read "Not Without My...".
I instantly thought of the Terrance and Philip movie that causes all the fuss in "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut". It's title? "Not Without My Anus".

Anyway, how's these for a fake Lifetime films:

Cheerleader Angst: The Deflowering of Brittani P.

Soccer Mom in a Pathfinder: The Vapidity of Helen Jones

[Space Chief]

Detective Stabler Is Really Not All That Nice

Lesbian On Life Support

The Girl who Went To Too Many Teenage Sex Parties

Some Crap With Domestic Violence In It

[Gatomon41]

After the Hax: The Jean-Luc Picard Story

After "The Picard Song" was hacked into and removed, Picard becomes traumaized. Including an amazing performance by Picard. Based off the YTMND: "Picard Reflects on his Hacker attack (http://picardhacked.ytmnd.com/)" by ottervomit.

Lifetime Pictures Presents: ALIEN COMBAT!

Taking a que from the Scifi Channel, Lifetime decides to get more viewers by making a movie that appeals to the masses.

When Anne's little brother is kidnaped by aliens, she must go to an hidden island to enter a Martial Arts Tourament to get him back. With Victor Garber and Richard Dean Anderson!

[Carolina Red]

Where is My Life: A Moment of Truth Movie

An entire neighborhood is shut down in horror as women discover that Lifetime is no longer on the list of channels they get. When the women discover that their husbands blocked the channel, what will happen in the ultimate Moment of Truth?
Starring Yasmine Bleeth, Leslie Hope and Julia Sweeney as the outraged wives and John Stamos, David Arquette and Bubba Smith as their deranged hubbies.

Also:
I Want My Smoke Break Back
My Mother the Carnie (starring Cloris Leachman)
Why Didn't You Give Me My Bath Mommy?
The Secret World of Lil Markie (if you are a fan of the Retrocrush website and podcast you'd know what I'm talking about)

Oh, and all these films are taped in Vancouver. (as always)

[Harlan_Phoenix]

Dumbass, You Watched This Same Movie Last Month.

Golden Girls: The Movie.

We Hate Men.