Sharklady
12-24-2001, 12:09 PM
Here's a complete transcript of a certain Cartoon Network promo which seems to be generally regarded as one of their best:
(Opening Shot: a wooden door with a sheet of white paper taped to it, upon which are scrawled the words 'Anger Management Group.’ BOSSMAN AMOEBA is just entering. The room is clean and spacious, but not very well-lit, and holds only a few furnishings. One is a portable green chalkboard with a drawing of the POWERPUFF GIRLS in heroic poise. The words 'You Can Always Walk Away' are written above it. There’s also a set of wooden chairs arranged in a circle.)
(BOSSMAN has come in a little late. This much-needed therapy session is in full swing, the other members of the Anger Management Group having already taken their seats. There's the ultimate-evil HIM, the spoiled PRINCESS MORBUCKS, the kleptomaniacal SEDUSA, the territorial FUZZY LUMKINS, the uncompromisingly antagonistic MOJO JOJO, and even the monochromatic MISTER MIME. Representing the GANGRENE GANG are ACE, BIG BILLY, and LIL' ARTURO; Amoeba Boys JUNIOR and BOSSMAN are also present.)
(As would be expected, there’s a presiding THERAPIST seated in one of the chairs; a pleasant-looking young man with thinning brown hair, dressed in casual clothing. Beneath his unbuttoned gray jacket, he’s wearing a T-shirt sporting the word 'RELAX' in black capital letters. As BOSSMAN enters the room, the THERAPIST is speaking in a soothing voice.)
THERAPIST: We're here to take control of our anger. Let's start with a little role-playing. (pointing first to himself, then to MOJO JOJO, who sits across from him) I'll be you, you be a Powerpuff Girl.
(HIM, who sits to the THERAPIST's right, smiles with malicious interest. The THERAPIST tilts his head at a friendly angle, and speaks in a most un-MOJO JOJO-like way)
THERAPIST: (As MOJO JOJO) Hello, Bubbles!
(MOJO JOJO is better at impersonation than the THERAPIST. He stands on top of his chair, balancing up and down on one foot to mimic BUBBLES' hovering, and returns the THERAPIST'S greeting in an exaggerated cute falsetto.)
MOJO JOJO: (As BUBBLES) Hewwo, Mistah Moe-Joe!
(This contemptuous caricature cheers MOJO JOJO'S fellow VILLAINS to variant degrees. FUZZY LUMKINS smiles, SEDUSA throws back her head and laughs, PRINCESS MORBUCKS snickers.)
THERAPIST: (slowly) I'm sensing some hostility. Why are you so upset?
MOJO JOJO: (angrily) I go to the Mini Mart, I see THIS!
(He holds up a plastic keychain with a small laminated picture of his own snarling face dangling from the ring. All the other VILLAINS look sincerely sympathetic to MOJO'S plight.)
MOJO JOJO: (with rising resentment) Does anyone ask Mojo's permission? No! Does Mojo make any money? No!! (This rant is riling up the other VILLAINS. Their expressions become infuriated, and they look ready to jump out of their seats as MOJO JOJO raises both arms and shouts) POWERPUFF GIRLS TAKE EVERYTHING!!!!
THERAPIST: (quickly) Calm down.
MOJO JOJO: (sitting down sulkily) We'll see how calm *you* are when I destroy the world!
HIM: (interested but unobtrusive) Hmm!
THERAPIST: Let's do a little perspective check. Mojo's upset over a keychain. (the patients all concur with this) Now he wants to destroy the world. Is that reasonable?
ACE: (speaking to BIG BILLY) Sounds reasonable!
(Around the room, heads nod and like-minded remarks like 'Yeah!' are voiced. The verdict seems unanimous; the desire for Earth's obliteration is a rational responce to Keychain Anger. Rather than challenging this attitude, the THERAPIST takes a different approach.)
THERAPIST: Who here wants to destroy the world?
(One by one, all the VILLAINS raise their hands. The THERAPIST sighs, and tries to remind them what this session is for.)
THERAPIST: What are we here to take control of?
(That's an easy one.)
VILLIANS: THE UNIVERSE!!!!!
THERAPIST: NO! Our emotions, our anger. So let's take all our anger... (the THERAPIST pantomimes compressing a piece of paper into a tight wad) ...and put it in a little ball...
(The VILLAINS follow the THERAPIST'S example, scrunching up their 'anger' into tight spheres. It seems to be strenuous work; some of them are groaning with effort.)
THERAPIST: (tranquilly) And let it go. Release your anger!
(They release it...but in a way the THERAPIST would probably not have preferred. He has to duck as one of the VILLAINS hurls a chair straight into the chalkboard, knocking it to the floor. The rest is pandemonium as the VILLAINS work out their aggressions in a no-holds-barred, every-being-for-himself grudge attack.)
(As FUZZY LUMKINS closes the door on the mayhem, we see a new piece of paper taped to the front. It has the Cartoon Network's checkerboard logo, and a message read by a helpful, unseen ANNOUNCER.)
ANNOUNCER: Cartoon Network... The Best Place For Cartoons.
(Opening Shot: a wooden door with a sheet of white paper taped to it, upon which are scrawled the words 'Anger Management Group.’ BOSSMAN AMOEBA is just entering. The room is clean and spacious, but not very well-lit, and holds only a few furnishings. One is a portable green chalkboard with a drawing of the POWERPUFF GIRLS in heroic poise. The words 'You Can Always Walk Away' are written above it. There’s also a set of wooden chairs arranged in a circle.)
(BOSSMAN has come in a little late. This much-needed therapy session is in full swing, the other members of the Anger Management Group having already taken their seats. There's the ultimate-evil HIM, the spoiled PRINCESS MORBUCKS, the kleptomaniacal SEDUSA, the territorial FUZZY LUMKINS, the uncompromisingly antagonistic MOJO JOJO, and even the monochromatic MISTER MIME. Representing the GANGRENE GANG are ACE, BIG BILLY, and LIL' ARTURO; Amoeba Boys JUNIOR and BOSSMAN are also present.)
(As would be expected, there’s a presiding THERAPIST seated in one of the chairs; a pleasant-looking young man with thinning brown hair, dressed in casual clothing. Beneath his unbuttoned gray jacket, he’s wearing a T-shirt sporting the word 'RELAX' in black capital letters. As BOSSMAN enters the room, the THERAPIST is speaking in a soothing voice.)
THERAPIST: We're here to take control of our anger. Let's start with a little role-playing. (pointing first to himself, then to MOJO JOJO, who sits across from him) I'll be you, you be a Powerpuff Girl.
(HIM, who sits to the THERAPIST's right, smiles with malicious interest. The THERAPIST tilts his head at a friendly angle, and speaks in a most un-MOJO JOJO-like way)
THERAPIST: (As MOJO JOJO) Hello, Bubbles!
(MOJO JOJO is better at impersonation than the THERAPIST. He stands on top of his chair, balancing up and down on one foot to mimic BUBBLES' hovering, and returns the THERAPIST'S greeting in an exaggerated cute falsetto.)
MOJO JOJO: (As BUBBLES) Hewwo, Mistah Moe-Joe!
(This contemptuous caricature cheers MOJO JOJO'S fellow VILLAINS to variant degrees. FUZZY LUMKINS smiles, SEDUSA throws back her head and laughs, PRINCESS MORBUCKS snickers.)
THERAPIST: (slowly) I'm sensing some hostility. Why are you so upset?
MOJO JOJO: (angrily) I go to the Mini Mart, I see THIS!
(He holds up a plastic keychain with a small laminated picture of his own snarling face dangling from the ring. All the other VILLAINS look sincerely sympathetic to MOJO'S plight.)
MOJO JOJO: (with rising resentment) Does anyone ask Mojo's permission? No! Does Mojo make any money? No!! (This rant is riling up the other VILLAINS. Their expressions become infuriated, and they look ready to jump out of their seats as MOJO JOJO raises both arms and shouts) POWERPUFF GIRLS TAKE EVERYTHING!!!!
THERAPIST: (quickly) Calm down.
MOJO JOJO: (sitting down sulkily) We'll see how calm *you* are when I destroy the world!
HIM: (interested but unobtrusive) Hmm!
THERAPIST: Let's do a little perspective check. Mojo's upset over a keychain. (the patients all concur with this) Now he wants to destroy the world. Is that reasonable?
ACE: (speaking to BIG BILLY) Sounds reasonable!
(Around the room, heads nod and like-minded remarks like 'Yeah!' are voiced. The verdict seems unanimous; the desire for Earth's obliteration is a rational responce to Keychain Anger. Rather than challenging this attitude, the THERAPIST takes a different approach.)
THERAPIST: Who here wants to destroy the world?
(One by one, all the VILLAINS raise their hands. The THERAPIST sighs, and tries to remind them what this session is for.)
THERAPIST: What are we here to take control of?
(That's an easy one.)
VILLIANS: THE UNIVERSE!!!!!
THERAPIST: NO! Our emotions, our anger. So let's take all our anger... (the THERAPIST pantomimes compressing a piece of paper into a tight wad) ...and put it in a little ball...
(The VILLAINS follow the THERAPIST'S example, scrunching up their 'anger' into tight spheres. It seems to be strenuous work; some of them are groaning with effort.)
THERAPIST: (tranquilly) And let it go. Release your anger!
(They release it...but in a way the THERAPIST would probably not have preferred. He has to duck as one of the VILLAINS hurls a chair straight into the chalkboard, knocking it to the floor. The rest is pandemonium as the VILLAINS work out their aggressions in a no-holds-barred, every-being-for-himself grudge attack.)
(As FUZZY LUMKINS closes the door on the mayhem, we see a new piece of paper taped to the front. It has the Cartoon Network's checkerboard logo, and a message read by a helpful, unseen ANNOUNCER.)
ANNOUNCER: Cartoon Network... The Best Place For Cartoons.