Anthonynotes
10-27-2005, 09:49 PM
SCENARIO:
(Open on: a shot of Pinky, Billie and the Brain, walking down the hallway of an office building.)
BILLIE: Gee, Eggy, who'd have thought that Felix the Cat would be the one who laid the final blow to the Hall Monitor? That detachable tail and "bag of tricks" of his really came in handy...though even with all that stuff, it sure took a lot out of the guy. Too bad he had to make the ultimate sacrifice. (Lowers her head)
BRAIN: (A bit muted) *Yes*. The very first Golden Age cartoon superstar, from whence all other cartoon stars in the past 80 years have come, had to make the supreme sacrifice during the Final Confrontation™ of the "Crisis On Infinite Cartoon Earths" to save all forms of cartoon life... (grits his teeth) Insisting we all stay back during the final moments of our last all-out assault on the Hall Monitor, so he could be the one to lay the final blow that permanently sent the Hall Monitor back to his spawning ground of the Griffin household in Quahog, Rhode Island, followed by heading into the "$1 public-domain-tape bin" limbo with Farmer Alfalfa and Koko the Clown. A valiant sacrifice by the greatest cartoon character of them all... the universe, nay, the multiverse shall not forget Felix the Cat. (All bow their heads in a moment of silence) (Normal tone) Though I understand he'll probably be back the next time the Hollywood execs consider making a new TV show or movie featuring Felix.
BILLIE: Yeah, I figured as much... I give him comin' back by next year, tops. (To Pinky) Still sad, Pinky?
PINKY: (Sobbing hysterically) Why did my stuffed teddy bear have to die in that big final fight-thingy? He was all stuffed and soft and cuddly-wuddly, POIT! Why couldn't the Aqua Teens, Pikachu, and the cast of "Cyberchase" save him from being torn apart by the evil Fox-Lawyer-Shadow-Creature-thingies?! WHY?! (Sobs)
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Because the writers decided they needed to have at least one pointless, gratuitous "death" to promote that stupid story to the fanboys. Just be grateful the separate universes remain intact, and that the only pointless retcons any of us suffered was that I never used that coupon for 75 cents off of dishwashing liquid at the supermarket last week, and that Homer Simpson only drank six beers instead of seven last Thursday night at "Moe's". (Pats Pinky on the back) But it's over now, Pinky. Now we must move on, in this new, post-"Crisis" age... which apparently is completely identical to the *pre-Crisis* age. (All three shrug)
BILLIE: Guess Brainatra wasn't up for "reboot the entire universe with 'subtle', confusing differences", thank goodness. (Changes subject) Anyway, Eggy, what the heck are we here for?
BRAIN: I'm not sure. All I know is, I got an offer to possibly win a large cash sum if I come to this office... a worthwhile investigation to raise funds for the next global domination attempt.
(The mice enter the room, to find a gathering of several other cartoon characters)
PINKY: (Over sobbing) What's this? The next mega-crossover-thingy? (Gasps) Oh, no! My teddy bear's been brought back to life to be mindwiped by the JLA and do all sorts of bad things to heroes' wives as part of a bad mega-crossover-thingy! AAAH!
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Pinky, that's *not* what's happening here. (Raises an eyebrow at a balding, thin man with a pencil-thin mustache standing in front of the room) *Is* it?
MAN: (Rolls his eyes, making a fake-gagging expression) Please---even I don't have *that* much poor taste. My name is John Sauters...
BILLIE: The guy who made those movies "Pink Flamencos" and "Hairstyle"?
JOHN: The same, little lady. Now, why I called you all here---I'm making a new movie called "Temper, Temper", and it's about the day in the life of someone who loses their temper at the drop of a hat. My idea is, to cast one of *you* as the star. Given your separate reputations for easily losing your temper, I figure...
ERIC CARTMAN: (Annoyed) HEY! I don't lose my temper, you skinny (bleep)!
JOHN: Case in point. Now, what I propose is simple: I'll assign someone to follow you around and keep a running tally of how many times you lose your temper over the course of a week. Whoever has the highest count will win both a part in the movie *and* a prize of $1 million dollars!
(All the characters in the room look excited)
PINKY: Naaaarf... we could finally afford that new universal remote-thingy for the lab TV! POIT!
BRAIN: Hmm... just followed around for a week? Sounds like child's play... but I severely doubt I'll lose my temper that often. I consider myself quite rational.
PINKY: But *Brain*, you're a *mouse*, not a rational.
(Brain, annoyed, bops Pinky on the head; Pinky laughs, while Billie moans)
JOHN: Ah, there's the *first* temper flare-up. (To some guy next to him) Mark it! So we're all agreed? (All nod) Then, I'll see you all back here in a week to announce the winner...
(The characters all leave)
BRAIN: (Walking out) Pinky, promise me you'll do all you can to make me angry over the course of the next week. We *must* win that prize money! It might be a challenge to achieve this goal for us...
BILLIE: (Skeptical) Uh-huh.
PINKY: Oh, I'll try, Brain. Uh, but what did all of this have to do with my teddy bear and mega-crossover-thingies?
(Brain, annoyed again, whaps Pinky, as the guy following them keeps count... Billie mutters "this is going to be a long week.")
---
The characters in this contest include:
1. Donald Duck
2. Homer Simpson
3. Yosemite Sam
4. Montana Max
5. The Brain
6. Fred Flintstone
7. Mr. Spacely
8. Cartman
9. Mojo Jojo
10. Other
Which cartoon character has the worst temper?
(Open on: a shot of Pinky, Billie and the Brain, walking down the hallway of an office building.)
BILLIE: Gee, Eggy, who'd have thought that Felix the Cat would be the one who laid the final blow to the Hall Monitor? That detachable tail and "bag of tricks" of his really came in handy...though even with all that stuff, it sure took a lot out of the guy. Too bad he had to make the ultimate sacrifice. (Lowers her head)
BRAIN: (A bit muted) *Yes*. The very first Golden Age cartoon superstar, from whence all other cartoon stars in the past 80 years have come, had to make the supreme sacrifice during the Final Confrontation™ of the "Crisis On Infinite Cartoon Earths" to save all forms of cartoon life... (grits his teeth) Insisting we all stay back during the final moments of our last all-out assault on the Hall Monitor, so he could be the one to lay the final blow that permanently sent the Hall Monitor back to his spawning ground of the Griffin household in Quahog, Rhode Island, followed by heading into the "$1 public-domain-tape bin" limbo with Farmer Alfalfa and Koko the Clown. A valiant sacrifice by the greatest cartoon character of them all... the universe, nay, the multiverse shall not forget Felix the Cat. (All bow their heads in a moment of silence) (Normal tone) Though I understand he'll probably be back the next time the Hollywood execs consider making a new TV show or movie featuring Felix.
BILLIE: Yeah, I figured as much... I give him comin' back by next year, tops. (To Pinky) Still sad, Pinky?
PINKY: (Sobbing hysterically) Why did my stuffed teddy bear have to die in that big final fight-thingy? He was all stuffed and soft and cuddly-wuddly, POIT! Why couldn't the Aqua Teens, Pikachu, and the cast of "Cyberchase" save him from being torn apart by the evil Fox-Lawyer-Shadow-Creature-thingies?! WHY?! (Sobs)
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Because the writers decided they needed to have at least one pointless, gratuitous "death" to promote that stupid story to the fanboys. Just be grateful the separate universes remain intact, and that the only pointless retcons any of us suffered was that I never used that coupon for 75 cents off of dishwashing liquid at the supermarket last week, and that Homer Simpson only drank six beers instead of seven last Thursday night at "Moe's". (Pats Pinky on the back) But it's over now, Pinky. Now we must move on, in this new, post-"Crisis" age... which apparently is completely identical to the *pre-Crisis* age. (All three shrug)
BILLIE: Guess Brainatra wasn't up for "reboot the entire universe with 'subtle', confusing differences", thank goodness. (Changes subject) Anyway, Eggy, what the heck are we here for?
BRAIN: I'm not sure. All I know is, I got an offer to possibly win a large cash sum if I come to this office... a worthwhile investigation to raise funds for the next global domination attempt.
(The mice enter the room, to find a gathering of several other cartoon characters)
PINKY: (Over sobbing) What's this? The next mega-crossover-thingy? (Gasps) Oh, no! My teddy bear's been brought back to life to be mindwiped by the JLA and do all sorts of bad things to heroes' wives as part of a bad mega-crossover-thingy! AAAH!
BRAIN: (Annoyed) Pinky, that's *not* what's happening here. (Raises an eyebrow at a balding, thin man with a pencil-thin mustache standing in front of the room) *Is* it?
MAN: (Rolls his eyes, making a fake-gagging expression) Please---even I don't have *that* much poor taste. My name is John Sauters...
BILLIE: The guy who made those movies "Pink Flamencos" and "Hairstyle"?
JOHN: The same, little lady. Now, why I called you all here---I'm making a new movie called "Temper, Temper", and it's about the day in the life of someone who loses their temper at the drop of a hat. My idea is, to cast one of *you* as the star. Given your separate reputations for easily losing your temper, I figure...
ERIC CARTMAN: (Annoyed) HEY! I don't lose my temper, you skinny (bleep)!
JOHN: Case in point. Now, what I propose is simple: I'll assign someone to follow you around and keep a running tally of how many times you lose your temper over the course of a week. Whoever has the highest count will win both a part in the movie *and* a prize of $1 million dollars!
(All the characters in the room look excited)
PINKY: Naaaarf... we could finally afford that new universal remote-thingy for the lab TV! POIT!
BRAIN: Hmm... just followed around for a week? Sounds like child's play... but I severely doubt I'll lose my temper that often. I consider myself quite rational.
PINKY: But *Brain*, you're a *mouse*, not a rational.
(Brain, annoyed, bops Pinky on the head; Pinky laughs, while Billie moans)
JOHN: Ah, there's the *first* temper flare-up. (To some guy next to him) Mark it! So we're all agreed? (All nod) Then, I'll see you all back here in a week to announce the winner...
(The characters all leave)
BRAIN: (Walking out) Pinky, promise me you'll do all you can to make me angry over the course of the next week. We *must* win that prize money! It might be a challenge to achieve this goal for us...
BILLIE: (Skeptical) Uh-huh.
PINKY: Oh, I'll try, Brain. Uh, but what did all of this have to do with my teddy bear and mega-crossover-thingies?
(Brain, annoyed again, whaps Pinky, as the guy following them keeps count... Billie mutters "this is going to be a long week.")
---
The characters in this contest include:
1. Donald Duck
2. Homer Simpson
3. Yosemite Sam
4. Montana Max
5. The Brain
6. Fred Flintstone
7. Mr. Spacely
8. Cartman
9. Mojo Jojo
10. Other
Which cartoon character has the worst temper?