Philo & Gunge
10-10-2005, 07:46 PM
Well, you asked for it again. http://forums.goldenagecartoons.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif And here's part 2 of my screenplay, "The Pluto Movie". The cast in tonight's installment includes:
Pluto Pup (speaking)……….Drew Carey
Fifi the Peke………………..Miriam McDonald (she plays Emma on "Degrassi", hense the jokes where they call her Emma and say she's Canadian and yada, yada, yada. Keep in mind that I am not trying to offend Canadians, I'm making a joke about what everyone sterotypes Canada as)
Bill the Parrot………………Frank Oz
Jitters the Cat……………….Sylvester Stallone
Mickey Mouse..……………Wayne Allwine
Donald Duck………………..Tony Amselno
Goofy
Pluto Pup (barking)…………Bill Farmer
Minnie Mouse
Huey
Dewy
Louie……..…………………Russi Taylor
Daisy Duck………………….Trace McNellie
Scrooge McDuck……………Alan Young
Pete………………………….Jim Cummings
Dijon…………………………Hank Azaria
Timon………………………..Nathan Lane
Pumbaa………………………Ernie Sabella
Roger Rabbit
Benny the Cab………………Charlie Fleischer
Oscar the Grouch……………Carroll Spinney
The Magician………………..Ryan Stiles
The Magician’s Assistant……Colin Mochrie
The Turkey Farmer………….Wayne Brady
The Turkey Farmer’s Dog……Seth McFarlane
Used Car Salesman………….Gerald Parkes
Turkeys………………………Kevin McDonald
Bob Bergen
Greg Berg
Okay, when we last left Pluto & Fifi, they were thrown out of a train, anyway:
SCENE 25: Train tunnel
Reduced to walking in the dark, underground train tunnels of New York. The 2 quietly walk slowly through the tunnel.
Pluto: Well, you know my story. How did you end up where you are?
Fifi: I don’t want to talk about it.
Pluto: Come on, it’s just the two of us.
Fifi: Are you going to sing again? Cause your singing is worse then Gepetto’s.
Pluto: Okay, well riddle me this. If Kermit’s a frog, Fozzie’s a bear and Rowlf’s a dog. Then what’s Gonzo?
Fifi: I don’t know, what is Gonzo?
Pluto: I don’t know, I’m asking you.
Pluto notices that the light is coming in from the long, dark tunnel.
Pluto: Hey, Fifi! Look, it’s the light at the end of tunnel.
Fifi: We’re finally dead?
Pluto: No! No! No! We’re out of this damp excuse for a tunnel.
Pluto and Fifi begin walking out of the tunnel. When an incoming train is coming straight for them, from behind. Pluto hears the train and tries to tell Fifi.
Pluto: Fifi!
Fifi: What?
Pluto: There’s a train coming!
Fifi: You’re just saying that so you can scare me. But it won’t work.
The train is closer now. Pluto latches onto Fifi’s head and twists her head around. Fifi screams in terror, her ears flapping non-stop. They run off the tracks just as the train is about to hit. They both watch as the train drives away and then they notice that they are on top of each other. Both immediately move away making various “ew” stuff and wiping off their stomachs.
Pluto: I have boundaries, missy.
Fifi: Well, ex-cuse me!
Pluto: Of all the dogs in New York and I had to be stuck with you!
Fifi: Well maybe if you didn’t get mad at Mickey you wouldn’t be in this mess! Face it, Pluto. It’s your fault, you got yourself into this mess, now you’ve got to get yourself out of it.
Pluto: Well, if we’re sticking together we might as well find something to eat.
Fifi: I usually have fishbone and a side of cardboard.
Pluto: Fifi, that’s disgusting.
Fifi: You try living in a garbage can.
Pluto: Oscar the Grouch has it better then you!
Oscar runs past, again.
Oscar: I’m friends with the writers!
Pluto and Fifi look at each other and Pluto sniffs something
Pluto: Hey! I smell bacon, come on!
Pluto and Fifi walk up into the woods.
SCENE 26: Woods
We see a zoom-out shot of a grill to reveal 2 magicians, voiced by Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, having their stuff around in the woods including a giant wooden cart, where they sleep.
Ryan: Face it, Colin. Our magic act is never going to get anywhere.
Colin: Maybe we’d get an audience if you made your shoes disappear!
Ryan: Now what’s that supposed to mean?
Colin: Ryan, I’ll I’m saying is that people, well, think your shoes are, well, crazy.
Ryan: Well, maybe if we do some publicity and…
Hears Pluto and Fifi coming
Ryan: Hey, people coming! Put the act together!
They scatter as we see a shot of Pluto and Fifi walking up to their campsite and Colin plays a horn (off-key)
Colin: And now presenting Ryan the Magnificent!
Ryan runs out behind some trees and then sees that his audience is just a bunch of dogs and Colin uses a clapper to serve as applause.
Ryan: Say, uh, Colin?
Colin: Yes, chief?
Ryan: Since when do you perform magic for dogs?
Colin: I wasn’t paying attention.
Pluto and Fifi gaze at the going-on’s and Fifi whispers in Pluto’s ear
Fifi: Oh, boy. Dinner and a show.
Ryan and Colin glare at the two dogs
Ryan: Oh my god! Talking dogs!
Pluto: Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa! How can you understand us?
Ryan: Ah, but how can you understand yourself?
Pluto: Um… yeah… about that. Anyway, this is my friend Fifi…
Fifi: Friend? I despise you.
Pluto: Then why are you with me?
Fifi: Why did you drag me on your adventure?
Pluto: Drag you? You came on your own.
Ryan: HOLD IT!
Pluto and Fifi stop and look at Ryan
Ryan: Pluto, can I talk to you?
Pluto: Yeah.
Ryan: I can tell how Fifi feels about you.
Pluto: I know, too. She…
Ryan: Loves you.
Pluto: What?
Ryan: I know aggressive behavior in females, I see this all the time.
Fifi: I don’t like him! What gives you that idea?
Ryan: Maybe if you had room in your heart for her, her true feelings will finally come out.
Background music begins
Pluto: Are you going to sing?
Ryan: Defiantly.
SONG: “Room In Your Heart” written by Paul Williams (cut from “The Muppet Christmas Carol”)
Ryan: Anybody can change, Pluto.
So you can you.
When your ready to start.
There’s room in your heart for love, love, love, love
Anybody can grow, Pluto.
You can, too.
Once your doing your part
There’s room in your heart for love
If you want to live, give freely
Then you will find
That what you get in trade my friend
Is piece of mind
If your ready to
Walk in the sunshine
And open up your heart
Then show her love, she’ll give you love
It’s the perfect place to start.
Colin: Hey there, I’m Canadian!
Fifi: (spoken) Me, too!
Ryan: What your missing is fun, Pluto
It’s sad but true
Walk away from this gloom
There’s room in your heart for love, love, love, love
Pluto tries don’t walk away, but Colin stops him
Ryan: When your doing your best
There’s so many blessed with love
If you want to live, give freely
Then you will find
That what you get in trade my friend
Is piece of mind
If your ready to
Walk in the sunshine
And open up your heart
Then show her love, she’ll give you love
It’s the perfect place to start.
Colin: Did I mention I’m also bald?
Fifi: (spoken) Not me!
Ryan: Anybody can change, Pluto.
So you can you.
When your ready to start.
There’s room in your heart for love, love, love
When your doing your part
There’s room in your heart for…
When your doing your part
There’s room in your heart for love!
End song
Pluto: What the heck was that?
Ryan: About 2 minutes.
Pluto: Well I’d love to watch your antics all day but we’ve got to go.
Colin: Oh, don’t go yet. We have bacon.
Ryan: Mother of tuna! We forgot about the bacon!
Pan over to the grill, which is flaming from the burning of the bacon. Ryan tries to blow it out with his breath, Colin tries pouring gas on it (making it burn more), Ryan goes to get a fire extinguisher putting the fire out.
Pluto: And you guys are magicians? Come on, Fifi.
Ryan: Bye, bye!
Colin: You idiot, that was our last food.
Cut to Pluto and Fifi walking in the woods, Ryan & Colin still heard arguing in the background
Fifi: You know, Pluto.
Pluto: What?
Fifi: You’re right. I mean, those 2 nutcases are right.
Pluto: Why?
Fifi: I think you could have room in your heart for me.
Pluto: Well, I guess your right.
Fifi: So what do you say?
Pluto: That we should put all this behind us and be friends?
Fifi: Deal.
Pluto: Finally, a Canadian that isn’t a hoser or a high-school student.
Fifi: What are you saying? Is that what you think Canada is?
Pluto: You guys ripped off “SNL”!
Fifi: Shut up.
Pluto: You know who you sound like?
Fifi: Who?
Pluto: That girl Emma from that “Degrassi” thing or whatever it’s called.
Fifi: I don’t sound like Emma! (short pause) We’re two completely different people.
Pluto: Yeah, she’s not a dog.
We pan up to the sky and then pan down, the scene has now changed
SCENE 27: Road
Mickey & Minnie are in Mickey’s old car, slowly making their way down the road in his old jittery car.
Minnie: After all these years you still have never gotten a new car!
Mickey: Oh, that doesn’t matter. Pluto is what matters.
Minnie: Oooo! Mickey Mouse, all you seem to think about nowadays is that dog! How on earth are we supposed to find that dog if your using this car?
Mickey remains silent
Minnie: Was it something I said?
Mickey: You don’t understand the relationship I have with Pluto. When your not around, we do everything together. He’s even on our bowling team.
Mickey takes out a photo of him, Goofy, Donald and Pluto at a bowling alley holding a trophy.
Minnie: Oh, Mickey. I’m so sorry.
Mickey: It’s okay. But there’s something I want to ask you.
Minnie: What is it?
Mickey: Minnie, will you…
The car blows up, leaving Mickey, Minnie and their luggage out on the road
Mickey: Oh, boy. Blown up car. I knew one day this would happen.
Minnie: Then get a new car!
Mickey: Well, hey look! There’s a used car lot we can find a new car there, cheap!
SCENE 28: Used Car Lot
Mickey and Minnie walk into the lot and are greeted by a used car salesman, voiced by Gerald Parkes.
Used Car Salesman: Hi there! You know what you look like?
Mickey: I don’t know, what do I look like?
Used Car Salesman: Someone who could use a new car, of course!
A tiny thing with a wheel for feet and a trumpet-shaped nose runs over to give the salesman his mail
Thing: Your mail, sir!
Used Car Salesman: Thank you.
The thing drives away as salesman looks over his mail
Use Car Salesman: Oh! I can’t believe the postman gave me the wrong mail again! Why am I always getting postcards for a Gobo Fraggle?
Mickey clears his throat to get his attention
Used Car Salesman: Sorry about that. Let me show you are cars.
The salesman walks Mickey and Minnie over to an aisle of cars
Used Car Salesman: We have a wide variety of cars, pick your choosing and choose wisely.
Mickey: What’s the cheapest one? We’re in a rush.
Used Car Salesman: Well. That one over there.
He points to a car that resembles Herbie the Love Bug.
Mickey: Oh, what the heck. We’ll take it.
Mickey gives the salesman money
Used Car Salesman: Much abided.
He walks away, counting the money. Mickey and Minnie go into the car and Mickey turns the ignition on. The car is Herbie and he drives off by himself wildly, knocking over nearly everything in sight and driving off.
SCENE 29: Road (again)
We focus on someone else now before we go back to Pluto and Fifi. Now, Pete and Dijon are on the road. Pete is looking at a map while Dijon is driving.
Pete: Thanks for driving, Dijon.
Dijon: Please, Pete. Keep quiet. I have to keep my eyes on the road.
Pete: Okay, so maybe we should take a turn here. And one there.
Dijon: Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute. Do you even know where we’re going.
Pete: No.
Dijon: Okay, let me see the map.
They start fussing over the map instead of driving, but the car is still driving. They pull the map around until there is a giant crash. They look out the window to find they are in Mexico. There’re stuck there (for now that is).
Pete: Dijon, this is all your fault.
Dijon: My fault?! You’re the one whose wanting to capture that dog!
They continue arguing as we pan up
SCENE 30: Philadelphia
We pan down and the scene is different, we are now in Philadelphia. It is safe to say they got out of the woods, they are sitting on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum, sitting down on the side of the Rocky statue.
Pluto: Wow, we did a lot of walking today.
Fifi: Yeah.
Pluto: It’s hard to believe that last night, I was home in my dog house and now tonight I’m in Philadelphia looking for my home.
Fifi: Well, at least you still have a family.
Pluto: Fifi, what happened to your family?
Fifi: I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.
Pluto: Oh, come on. It couldn’t be that bad!
Fifi: It’s that bad.
Pluto: Oh. Well, uh, maybe we should go to sleep now. It’s getting dark.
Fifi yawns and goes to sleep
Fifi: Good night, Pluto.
Pluto: Good night.
Pluto remains awake, staring up at the night sky, filled with darkness and only a couple stars.
Pluto: (to himself) Why did I have to go onto that mail truck this morning? Was it because I was mad at Mickey? Was it that just out of plain anger? Oh, what’s the point? The arguments keep going further and further.
He looks up at the sky again.
Insert song here, preferably duet between Pluto and Mickey
We go back to Pluto as the song ends and pan over to Fifi, who is up but laying down staring at Pluto feeling sympathy for him. Fade to black, fade in again. Pluto and Fifi are both laying down, not near each other but around. Pluto and Fifi both wake up at the same time.
Pluto: Oye. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night.
Fifi: Makes you wonder how the Flintstones did it.
Pluto: That was a cartoon. This isn’t!
Pluto glances at the camera for a second, in confusion and then goes back to Fifi
Pluto: Come on, we should go now.
Walking down the stairs, they see a most interesting sight: a green parrot and a cat walking side by side talking to each other. These 2 are Bill the Parrot and Jitters the Cat, two of the comic relief characters. Bill is always flying around, to avoid germs.
Bill: Look, I’m scared of a lot. I have claustrophobia, I’m scared of death, violence, germs, “The Drew Carey Show” and…
Jitters: I get it, Bill! Relax, buddy.
Bill: Jitters! You don’t understand at all!
Jitters: I’ll never know how I became best friends with you. I want to be a boxer, like that guy.
Jitters points to the Rocky statue, Pluto thinks he’s pointing to him. Pluto walks down the stairs to him.
Pluto: Excuse me, but why are you pointing to me?
Jitters: I wasn’t pointing to you. I was pointing to uh, that Rocky guy.
Pluto looks at the statue in confusion, Fifi begins to walk down the stairs
Fifi: So, Pluto. Who are your friends?
Jitters: Well, hey. I’m Jitters and this is my buddy Bill. He’s a parrot.
Pluto: Wait, a parrot and a cat best friends? That’s a laugh.
Jitters: Trust me, I don’t get it either.
Bill: So, uh, where are you two going?
Pluto: Well, we’re going to California. That’s my home and this is my friend Fifi, she’s helping me. She’s Canadian.
Jitters: She ain’t a hoser, even!
Fifi: (to herself) Of all things to represent Canada, why does it have to be “Strange Brew”?
Bill: We don’t know where we’re going.
Jitters: We were looking for someone’s basement to live in. You should pay attention to these things.
Pluto: Maybe you could come with us.
Fifi: Yeah, it’d be nice to have someone to talk to besides this guy.
Bill: I guess that’d be good.
Jitters: Yeah, come on.
Pluto: Sure! We were just leaving anyway.
They begin to walk away, their backs facing the camera
Jitters: So, how did you wind up in Philadelphia?
Pluto: It’s a very long story.
Bill: Well, we have all the time in the world.
SCENE 31: Road in desert
Fade to a different scene, we are now on the road, somewhere between Pennsylvania and Illinois. Cars are whizzing by, completely not noticing the dogs, cat and parrot. The sun is beating down on them, making them hot as heck. Sweat coming down their tongues. Fifi is wearing sunglasses and has a little portable fan (with no explanation of where they came from) she is sharing it with Pluto meaning that sweat is only coming down on Bill and Jitters.
Bill: Sweat… dirty and… wet… germ-laden… but feels so good.
Jitters: I’m used to it.
Fifi: Oh, would you two quit your nonsense?
Jitters: It’s not nonsense, we’re sweating.
Fifi: Okay, let me rephrase that. Stop your nonsense about sweating?
Pluto: You guys are just as nuts as Donald and Goofy.
Bill: So? That doesn’t mean I…
Bill stops in his tracks and notices birdseed
Bill: Food!
Pluto: Bill, don’t eat that birdseed. You don’t know where it’s been.
Bill begins to follow a trail of birdseed
Bill: Look, your hungry, right?
Pluto: Right.
Bill: And if this guy has birdseed, he must have other food, right?
Pluto: Probably.
Fifi: Maybe it’s one of those bird sanctuary people.
Jitters: No, they can’t send Billy shmilly away.
Bill: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m following this trail of birdseed.
Bill continues to follow the birdseed trail, everyone following him. We cut to the person who started the trail to get a bird, a turkey farmer voiced by Wayne Brady, sitting in the back of his truck with cages with turkeys in them. He is talking to his wisecracking dog that walks on his hind legs.
Dog: You really think a trail of birdseed is going to lure turkeys.
Turkey Farmer: Yup, it is a good idea.
Dog: Aside from the fact that we are in Indiana and there are no turkeys here.
Turkey Farmer: Well, we could go to a turkey farm.
Dog: You’re a turkey farmer! Don’t you have a turkey farm?
The turkey farmer sees Bill coming closer to their truck
Turkey Farmer: Hey, look! A parrot.
Dog: A parrot!?! This is ridiculous. You expect turkeys and you get a parrot?
Turkey Farmer: Eh. They’ll buy it.
The turkey farmer walks up to the four and grabs Bill, he begins to squawk and squirms around. The other 3 watch as the truck drives away.
Jitters: Now who was right?
Fifi: I was closest.
Pluto: Come on, we have to catch that truck!
SCENE 32: Turkey truck
The turkey farmer is driving his truck, listening to and singing along with the song “Sixteen Tons”. His dog watches in confusion.
Dog: I can’t believe this is the only song you listen to.
SCENE 33: Back of turkey truck
The truck with filled with cages of turkeys, Bill is still squawking and jumping around nervously
Bill: AH! I’m afraid of dark, cold places. I’m claustrophobic!
Turkey #1: It won’t last long.
Bill: Why? What happens?
Turkey #2: Well, he takes us to his big farm and then he chops us up and serves us for Thanksgiving dinner.
Bill: What? I can’t be Thanksgiving dinner!
Turkey #3: Don’t get yourself worked up.
SCENE 34: Turkey truck
The dog looks through the rear-view mirror noticing Pluto, Fifi and Jitters running after the truck.
Dog: Say, um, there are 2 dogs and a cat are chasing after the truck.
Turkey Farmer: Eh, just let them go.
SCENE 35: Road
Pluto, Fifi and Jitters are chasing after the truck, trying to catch up with it, but failing, still running away.
Pluto: So he didn’t have any food. It was all a trick.
Fifi: Why would a turkey farmer want a parrot anyway?
Jitters: I’ve seen turkey farmers like this before. They’ll take anything with feathers and wings they can get their hands on.
Fifi: Makes me glad I was born a dog and not a bird.
Pluto: A Canadian dog at that, Emma!
Fifi: First off, never call me Emma again, I am nothing like that TV teen. Second… second… err… um, I don’t know.
SCENE 36: Back of turkey truck
Bill tries to look out the tiny cracks through the back door and notices that Pluto and the others are getting closer. So close that they are clawing onto the truck.
Pluto: Bill, can you hear me?
Bill: Yes. Yes!
Pluto: I’m going to break off one of these pieces of wood, all right?
Turkey #1: I don’t think you should.
Pluto latches one of the pieces of wood off and it lands right in his face and he throws it on his arm, he breaks off another and it lands on his other arm. His ears rise up from a back shot so he suddenly resembles Batman and jumps into the back of the truck, grabbing Fifi and Jitters with him.
Pluto: Bill? Where are you?
Bill: The cage with the green parrot in it, where else?
Fifi: That’s kind of obvious.
Pluto: I can’t see it’s too dark in here. I need more light.
SCENE 37: Truck
The turkey farmer and the dog and sitting in the car, the turkey farmer trying to find a station playing “Sixteen Tons”
Turkey Farmer: Come on, where’s “Sixteen Tons”?
Dog: Not every radio station is going to air the same song over and over again. Especially “Sixteen Tons”.
Pluto’s paw comes out from a window in the back of a truck, looking for a box of matches. He finds one and grabs it, then finds a lantern in the darkness.
SCENE 38: Back of truck
Pluto lights up the room with the lantern and finds Bill’s cage and lets him out
Bill: Pluto! You saved my life! How do I ever repay you? You might as well let those other turkeys out.
Jitters lets the 3 turkeys out from before and they all jump out of the back of the truck, landing on the road.
Pluto: Wow, that was fun.
Bill: Pluto, you saved my life!
Pluto: Yes, we know. Turkeys, go find hobbies.
The turkeys run away, gobbling.
SCENE 39: Truck
They are still driving, completely not noticing what happened.
Truck Driver: Did you hear anything back there?
Dog: No.
Truck Driver: Me neither.
SCENE 40: Road
Pluto, Fifi, Bill and Jitters are on the road once again walking
Jitters: So, Bill, that was a close one.
Bill: Yeah, but I’m still afraid of dark, enclosed spaces and whatnot. It’s just not my speed.
Jitters: Sure. So, Pluto? You and Fifi, you two have a little romance?
Pluto: What? No. Not at all. Right, Fifi?
Fifi stammers for a second, a hint to the audience about Fifi’s real feelings toward Pluto, and then comes back to us
Fifi: No, I’m just helping him get back to California cause there’s nothing else to do.
Jitters: Well, if your from New York City, then why would you walk all the way from New York to California for this guy?
Fifi: Because I’m just a generous person. So what?
Pluto: OK, we’re not going to fight over this!
He stops everyone in their tracks
Pluto: We are going to get along, okay?
Fifi: Right, sorry.
Jitters: Okay. I’ll bite.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Pluto Pup (speaking)……….Drew Carey
Fifi the Peke………………..Miriam McDonald (she plays Emma on "Degrassi", hense the jokes where they call her Emma and say she's Canadian and yada, yada, yada. Keep in mind that I am not trying to offend Canadians, I'm making a joke about what everyone sterotypes Canada as)
Bill the Parrot………………Frank Oz
Jitters the Cat……………….Sylvester Stallone
Mickey Mouse..……………Wayne Allwine
Donald Duck………………..Tony Amselno
Goofy
Pluto Pup (barking)…………Bill Farmer
Minnie Mouse
Huey
Dewy
Louie……..…………………Russi Taylor
Daisy Duck………………….Trace McNellie
Scrooge McDuck……………Alan Young
Pete………………………….Jim Cummings
Dijon…………………………Hank Azaria
Timon………………………..Nathan Lane
Pumbaa………………………Ernie Sabella
Roger Rabbit
Benny the Cab………………Charlie Fleischer
Oscar the Grouch……………Carroll Spinney
The Magician………………..Ryan Stiles
The Magician’s Assistant……Colin Mochrie
The Turkey Farmer………….Wayne Brady
The Turkey Farmer’s Dog……Seth McFarlane
Used Car Salesman………….Gerald Parkes
Turkeys………………………Kevin McDonald
Bob Bergen
Greg Berg
Okay, when we last left Pluto & Fifi, they were thrown out of a train, anyway:
SCENE 25: Train tunnel
Reduced to walking in the dark, underground train tunnels of New York. The 2 quietly walk slowly through the tunnel.
Pluto: Well, you know my story. How did you end up where you are?
Fifi: I don’t want to talk about it.
Pluto: Come on, it’s just the two of us.
Fifi: Are you going to sing again? Cause your singing is worse then Gepetto’s.
Pluto: Okay, well riddle me this. If Kermit’s a frog, Fozzie’s a bear and Rowlf’s a dog. Then what’s Gonzo?
Fifi: I don’t know, what is Gonzo?
Pluto: I don’t know, I’m asking you.
Pluto notices that the light is coming in from the long, dark tunnel.
Pluto: Hey, Fifi! Look, it’s the light at the end of tunnel.
Fifi: We’re finally dead?
Pluto: No! No! No! We’re out of this damp excuse for a tunnel.
Pluto and Fifi begin walking out of the tunnel. When an incoming train is coming straight for them, from behind. Pluto hears the train and tries to tell Fifi.
Pluto: Fifi!
Fifi: What?
Pluto: There’s a train coming!
Fifi: You’re just saying that so you can scare me. But it won’t work.
The train is closer now. Pluto latches onto Fifi’s head and twists her head around. Fifi screams in terror, her ears flapping non-stop. They run off the tracks just as the train is about to hit. They both watch as the train drives away and then they notice that they are on top of each other. Both immediately move away making various “ew” stuff and wiping off their stomachs.
Pluto: I have boundaries, missy.
Fifi: Well, ex-cuse me!
Pluto: Of all the dogs in New York and I had to be stuck with you!
Fifi: Well maybe if you didn’t get mad at Mickey you wouldn’t be in this mess! Face it, Pluto. It’s your fault, you got yourself into this mess, now you’ve got to get yourself out of it.
Pluto: Well, if we’re sticking together we might as well find something to eat.
Fifi: I usually have fishbone and a side of cardboard.
Pluto: Fifi, that’s disgusting.
Fifi: You try living in a garbage can.
Pluto: Oscar the Grouch has it better then you!
Oscar runs past, again.
Oscar: I’m friends with the writers!
Pluto and Fifi look at each other and Pluto sniffs something
Pluto: Hey! I smell bacon, come on!
Pluto and Fifi walk up into the woods.
SCENE 26: Woods
We see a zoom-out shot of a grill to reveal 2 magicians, voiced by Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, having their stuff around in the woods including a giant wooden cart, where they sleep.
Ryan: Face it, Colin. Our magic act is never going to get anywhere.
Colin: Maybe we’d get an audience if you made your shoes disappear!
Ryan: Now what’s that supposed to mean?
Colin: Ryan, I’ll I’m saying is that people, well, think your shoes are, well, crazy.
Ryan: Well, maybe if we do some publicity and…
Hears Pluto and Fifi coming
Ryan: Hey, people coming! Put the act together!
They scatter as we see a shot of Pluto and Fifi walking up to their campsite and Colin plays a horn (off-key)
Colin: And now presenting Ryan the Magnificent!
Ryan runs out behind some trees and then sees that his audience is just a bunch of dogs and Colin uses a clapper to serve as applause.
Ryan: Say, uh, Colin?
Colin: Yes, chief?
Ryan: Since when do you perform magic for dogs?
Colin: I wasn’t paying attention.
Pluto and Fifi gaze at the going-on’s and Fifi whispers in Pluto’s ear
Fifi: Oh, boy. Dinner and a show.
Ryan and Colin glare at the two dogs
Ryan: Oh my god! Talking dogs!
Pluto: Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa! How can you understand us?
Ryan: Ah, but how can you understand yourself?
Pluto: Um… yeah… about that. Anyway, this is my friend Fifi…
Fifi: Friend? I despise you.
Pluto: Then why are you with me?
Fifi: Why did you drag me on your adventure?
Pluto: Drag you? You came on your own.
Ryan: HOLD IT!
Pluto and Fifi stop and look at Ryan
Ryan: Pluto, can I talk to you?
Pluto: Yeah.
Ryan: I can tell how Fifi feels about you.
Pluto: I know, too. She…
Ryan: Loves you.
Pluto: What?
Ryan: I know aggressive behavior in females, I see this all the time.
Fifi: I don’t like him! What gives you that idea?
Ryan: Maybe if you had room in your heart for her, her true feelings will finally come out.
Background music begins
Pluto: Are you going to sing?
Ryan: Defiantly.
SONG: “Room In Your Heart” written by Paul Williams (cut from “The Muppet Christmas Carol”)
Ryan: Anybody can change, Pluto.
So you can you.
When your ready to start.
There’s room in your heart for love, love, love, love
Anybody can grow, Pluto.
You can, too.
Once your doing your part
There’s room in your heart for love
If you want to live, give freely
Then you will find
That what you get in trade my friend
Is piece of mind
If your ready to
Walk in the sunshine
And open up your heart
Then show her love, she’ll give you love
It’s the perfect place to start.
Colin: Hey there, I’m Canadian!
Fifi: (spoken) Me, too!
Ryan: What your missing is fun, Pluto
It’s sad but true
Walk away from this gloom
There’s room in your heart for love, love, love, love
Pluto tries don’t walk away, but Colin stops him
Ryan: When your doing your best
There’s so many blessed with love
If you want to live, give freely
Then you will find
That what you get in trade my friend
Is piece of mind
If your ready to
Walk in the sunshine
And open up your heart
Then show her love, she’ll give you love
It’s the perfect place to start.
Colin: Did I mention I’m also bald?
Fifi: (spoken) Not me!
Ryan: Anybody can change, Pluto.
So you can you.
When your ready to start.
There’s room in your heart for love, love, love
When your doing your part
There’s room in your heart for…
When your doing your part
There’s room in your heart for love!
End song
Pluto: What the heck was that?
Ryan: About 2 minutes.
Pluto: Well I’d love to watch your antics all day but we’ve got to go.
Colin: Oh, don’t go yet. We have bacon.
Ryan: Mother of tuna! We forgot about the bacon!
Pan over to the grill, which is flaming from the burning of the bacon. Ryan tries to blow it out with his breath, Colin tries pouring gas on it (making it burn more), Ryan goes to get a fire extinguisher putting the fire out.
Pluto: And you guys are magicians? Come on, Fifi.
Ryan: Bye, bye!
Colin: You idiot, that was our last food.
Cut to Pluto and Fifi walking in the woods, Ryan & Colin still heard arguing in the background
Fifi: You know, Pluto.
Pluto: What?
Fifi: You’re right. I mean, those 2 nutcases are right.
Pluto: Why?
Fifi: I think you could have room in your heart for me.
Pluto: Well, I guess your right.
Fifi: So what do you say?
Pluto: That we should put all this behind us and be friends?
Fifi: Deal.
Pluto: Finally, a Canadian that isn’t a hoser or a high-school student.
Fifi: What are you saying? Is that what you think Canada is?
Pluto: You guys ripped off “SNL”!
Fifi: Shut up.
Pluto: You know who you sound like?
Fifi: Who?
Pluto: That girl Emma from that “Degrassi” thing or whatever it’s called.
Fifi: I don’t sound like Emma! (short pause) We’re two completely different people.
Pluto: Yeah, she’s not a dog.
We pan up to the sky and then pan down, the scene has now changed
SCENE 27: Road
Mickey & Minnie are in Mickey’s old car, slowly making their way down the road in his old jittery car.
Minnie: After all these years you still have never gotten a new car!
Mickey: Oh, that doesn’t matter. Pluto is what matters.
Minnie: Oooo! Mickey Mouse, all you seem to think about nowadays is that dog! How on earth are we supposed to find that dog if your using this car?
Mickey remains silent
Minnie: Was it something I said?
Mickey: You don’t understand the relationship I have with Pluto. When your not around, we do everything together. He’s even on our bowling team.
Mickey takes out a photo of him, Goofy, Donald and Pluto at a bowling alley holding a trophy.
Minnie: Oh, Mickey. I’m so sorry.
Mickey: It’s okay. But there’s something I want to ask you.
Minnie: What is it?
Mickey: Minnie, will you…
The car blows up, leaving Mickey, Minnie and their luggage out on the road
Mickey: Oh, boy. Blown up car. I knew one day this would happen.
Minnie: Then get a new car!
Mickey: Well, hey look! There’s a used car lot we can find a new car there, cheap!
SCENE 28: Used Car Lot
Mickey and Minnie walk into the lot and are greeted by a used car salesman, voiced by Gerald Parkes.
Used Car Salesman: Hi there! You know what you look like?
Mickey: I don’t know, what do I look like?
Used Car Salesman: Someone who could use a new car, of course!
A tiny thing with a wheel for feet and a trumpet-shaped nose runs over to give the salesman his mail
Thing: Your mail, sir!
Used Car Salesman: Thank you.
The thing drives away as salesman looks over his mail
Use Car Salesman: Oh! I can’t believe the postman gave me the wrong mail again! Why am I always getting postcards for a Gobo Fraggle?
Mickey clears his throat to get his attention
Used Car Salesman: Sorry about that. Let me show you are cars.
The salesman walks Mickey and Minnie over to an aisle of cars
Used Car Salesman: We have a wide variety of cars, pick your choosing and choose wisely.
Mickey: What’s the cheapest one? We’re in a rush.
Used Car Salesman: Well. That one over there.
He points to a car that resembles Herbie the Love Bug.
Mickey: Oh, what the heck. We’ll take it.
Mickey gives the salesman money
Used Car Salesman: Much abided.
He walks away, counting the money. Mickey and Minnie go into the car and Mickey turns the ignition on. The car is Herbie and he drives off by himself wildly, knocking over nearly everything in sight and driving off.
SCENE 29: Road (again)
We focus on someone else now before we go back to Pluto and Fifi. Now, Pete and Dijon are on the road. Pete is looking at a map while Dijon is driving.
Pete: Thanks for driving, Dijon.
Dijon: Please, Pete. Keep quiet. I have to keep my eyes on the road.
Pete: Okay, so maybe we should take a turn here. And one there.
Dijon: Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute. Do you even know where we’re going.
Pete: No.
Dijon: Okay, let me see the map.
They start fussing over the map instead of driving, but the car is still driving. They pull the map around until there is a giant crash. They look out the window to find they are in Mexico. There’re stuck there (for now that is).
Pete: Dijon, this is all your fault.
Dijon: My fault?! You’re the one whose wanting to capture that dog!
They continue arguing as we pan up
SCENE 30: Philadelphia
We pan down and the scene is different, we are now in Philadelphia. It is safe to say they got out of the woods, they are sitting on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum, sitting down on the side of the Rocky statue.
Pluto: Wow, we did a lot of walking today.
Fifi: Yeah.
Pluto: It’s hard to believe that last night, I was home in my dog house and now tonight I’m in Philadelphia looking for my home.
Fifi: Well, at least you still have a family.
Pluto: Fifi, what happened to your family?
Fifi: I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.
Pluto: Oh, come on. It couldn’t be that bad!
Fifi: It’s that bad.
Pluto: Oh. Well, uh, maybe we should go to sleep now. It’s getting dark.
Fifi yawns and goes to sleep
Fifi: Good night, Pluto.
Pluto: Good night.
Pluto remains awake, staring up at the night sky, filled with darkness and only a couple stars.
Pluto: (to himself) Why did I have to go onto that mail truck this morning? Was it because I was mad at Mickey? Was it that just out of plain anger? Oh, what’s the point? The arguments keep going further and further.
He looks up at the sky again.
Insert song here, preferably duet between Pluto and Mickey
We go back to Pluto as the song ends and pan over to Fifi, who is up but laying down staring at Pluto feeling sympathy for him. Fade to black, fade in again. Pluto and Fifi are both laying down, not near each other but around. Pluto and Fifi both wake up at the same time.
Pluto: Oye. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night.
Fifi: Makes you wonder how the Flintstones did it.
Pluto: That was a cartoon. This isn’t!
Pluto glances at the camera for a second, in confusion and then goes back to Fifi
Pluto: Come on, we should go now.
Walking down the stairs, they see a most interesting sight: a green parrot and a cat walking side by side talking to each other. These 2 are Bill the Parrot and Jitters the Cat, two of the comic relief characters. Bill is always flying around, to avoid germs.
Bill: Look, I’m scared of a lot. I have claustrophobia, I’m scared of death, violence, germs, “The Drew Carey Show” and…
Jitters: I get it, Bill! Relax, buddy.
Bill: Jitters! You don’t understand at all!
Jitters: I’ll never know how I became best friends with you. I want to be a boxer, like that guy.
Jitters points to the Rocky statue, Pluto thinks he’s pointing to him. Pluto walks down the stairs to him.
Pluto: Excuse me, but why are you pointing to me?
Jitters: I wasn’t pointing to you. I was pointing to uh, that Rocky guy.
Pluto looks at the statue in confusion, Fifi begins to walk down the stairs
Fifi: So, Pluto. Who are your friends?
Jitters: Well, hey. I’m Jitters and this is my buddy Bill. He’s a parrot.
Pluto: Wait, a parrot and a cat best friends? That’s a laugh.
Jitters: Trust me, I don’t get it either.
Bill: So, uh, where are you two going?
Pluto: Well, we’re going to California. That’s my home and this is my friend Fifi, she’s helping me. She’s Canadian.
Jitters: She ain’t a hoser, even!
Fifi: (to herself) Of all things to represent Canada, why does it have to be “Strange Brew”?
Bill: We don’t know where we’re going.
Jitters: We were looking for someone’s basement to live in. You should pay attention to these things.
Pluto: Maybe you could come with us.
Fifi: Yeah, it’d be nice to have someone to talk to besides this guy.
Bill: I guess that’d be good.
Jitters: Yeah, come on.
Pluto: Sure! We were just leaving anyway.
They begin to walk away, their backs facing the camera
Jitters: So, how did you wind up in Philadelphia?
Pluto: It’s a very long story.
Bill: Well, we have all the time in the world.
SCENE 31: Road in desert
Fade to a different scene, we are now on the road, somewhere between Pennsylvania and Illinois. Cars are whizzing by, completely not noticing the dogs, cat and parrot. The sun is beating down on them, making them hot as heck. Sweat coming down their tongues. Fifi is wearing sunglasses and has a little portable fan (with no explanation of where they came from) she is sharing it with Pluto meaning that sweat is only coming down on Bill and Jitters.
Bill: Sweat… dirty and… wet… germ-laden… but feels so good.
Jitters: I’m used to it.
Fifi: Oh, would you two quit your nonsense?
Jitters: It’s not nonsense, we’re sweating.
Fifi: Okay, let me rephrase that. Stop your nonsense about sweating?
Pluto: You guys are just as nuts as Donald and Goofy.
Bill: So? That doesn’t mean I…
Bill stops in his tracks and notices birdseed
Bill: Food!
Pluto: Bill, don’t eat that birdseed. You don’t know where it’s been.
Bill begins to follow a trail of birdseed
Bill: Look, your hungry, right?
Pluto: Right.
Bill: And if this guy has birdseed, he must have other food, right?
Pluto: Probably.
Fifi: Maybe it’s one of those bird sanctuary people.
Jitters: No, they can’t send Billy shmilly away.
Bill: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m following this trail of birdseed.
Bill continues to follow the birdseed trail, everyone following him. We cut to the person who started the trail to get a bird, a turkey farmer voiced by Wayne Brady, sitting in the back of his truck with cages with turkeys in them. He is talking to his wisecracking dog that walks on his hind legs.
Dog: You really think a trail of birdseed is going to lure turkeys.
Turkey Farmer: Yup, it is a good idea.
Dog: Aside from the fact that we are in Indiana and there are no turkeys here.
Turkey Farmer: Well, we could go to a turkey farm.
Dog: You’re a turkey farmer! Don’t you have a turkey farm?
The turkey farmer sees Bill coming closer to their truck
Turkey Farmer: Hey, look! A parrot.
Dog: A parrot!?! This is ridiculous. You expect turkeys and you get a parrot?
Turkey Farmer: Eh. They’ll buy it.
The turkey farmer walks up to the four and grabs Bill, he begins to squawk and squirms around. The other 3 watch as the truck drives away.
Jitters: Now who was right?
Fifi: I was closest.
Pluto: Come on, we have to catch that truck!
SCENE 32: Turkey truck
The turkey farmer is driving his truck, listening to and singing along with the song “Sixteen Tons”. His dog watches in confusion.
Dog: I can’t believe this is the only song you listen to.
SCENE 33: Back of turkey truck
The truck with filled with cages of turkeys, Bill is still squawking and jumping around nervously
Bill: AH! I’m afraid of dark, cold places. I’m claustrophobic!
Turkey #1: It won’t last long.
Bill: Why? What happens?
Turkey #2: Well, he takes us to his big farm and then he chops us up and serves us for Thanksgiving dinner.
Bill: What? I can’t be Thanksgiving dinner!
Turkey #3: Don’t get yourself worked up.
SCENE 34: Turkey truck
The dog looks through the rear-view mirror noticing Pluto, Fifi and Jitters running after the truck.
Dog: Say, um, there are 2 dogs and a cat are chasing after the truck.
Turkey Farmer: Eh, just let them go.
SCENE 35: Road
Pluto, Fifi and Jitters are chasing after the truck, trying to catch up with it, but failing, still running away.
Pluto: So he didn’t have any food. It was all a trick.
Fifi: Why would a turkey farmer want a parrot anyway?
Jitters: I’ve seen turkey farmers like this before. They’ll take anything with feathers and wings they can get their hands on.
Fifi: Makes me glad I was born a dog and not a bird.
Pluto: A Canadian dog at that, Emma!
Fifi: First off, never call me Emma again, I am nothing like that TV teen. Second… second… err… um, I don’t know.
SCENE 36: Back of turkey truck
Bill tries to look out the tiny cracks through the back door and notices that Pluto and the others are getting closer. So close that they are clawing onto the truck.
Pluto: Bill, can you hear me?
Bill: Yes. Yes!
Pluto: I’m going to break off one of these pieces of wood, all right?
Turkey #1: I don’t think you should.
Pluto latches one of the pieces of wood off and it lands right in his face and he throws it on his arm, he breaks off another and it lands on his other arm. His ears rise up from a back shot so he suddenly resembles Batman and jumps into the back of the truck, grabbing Fifi and Jitters with him.
Pluto: Bill? Where are you?
Bill: The cage with the green parrot in it, where else?
Fifi: That’s kind of obvious.
Pluto: I can’t see it’s too dark in here. I need more light.
SCENE 37: Truck
The turkey farmer and the dog and sitting in the car, the turkey farmer trying to find a station playing “Sixteen Tons”
Turkey Farmer: Come on, where’s “Sixteen Tons”?
Dog: Not every radio station is going to air the same song over and over again. Especially “Sixteen Tons”.
Pluto’s paw comes out from a window in the back of a truck, looking for a box of matches. He finds one and grabs it, then finds a lantern in the darkness.
SCENE 38: Back of truck
Pluto lights up the room with the lantern and finds Bill’s cage and lets him out
Bill: Pluto! You saved my life! How do I ever repay you? You might as well let those other turkeys out.
Jitters lets the 3 turkeys out from before and they all jump out of the back of the truck, landing on the road.
Pluto: Wow, that was fun.
Bill: Pluto, you saved my life!
Pluto: Yes, we know. Turkeys, go find hobbies.
The turkeys run away, gobbling.
SCENE 39: Truck
They are still driving, completely not noticing what happened.
Truck Driver: Did you hear anything back there?
Dog: No.
Truck Driver: Me neither.
SCENE 40: Road
Pluto, Fifi, Bill and Jitters are on the road once again walking
Jitters: So, Bill, that was a close one.
Bill: Yeah, but I’m still afraid of dark, enclosed spaces and whatnot. It’s just not my speed.
Jitters: Sure. So, Pluto? You and Fifi, you two have a little romance?
Pluto: What? No. Not at all. Right, Fifi?
Fifi stammers for a second, a hint to the audience about Fifi’s real feelings toward Pluto, and then comes back to us
Fifi: No, I’m just helping him get back to California cause there’s nothing else to do.
Jitters: Well, if your from New York City, then why would you walk all the way from New York to California for this guy?
Fifi: Because I’m just a generous person. So what?
Pluto: OK, we’re not going to fight over this!
He stops everyone in their tracks
Pluto: We are going to get along, okay?
Fifi: Right, sorry.
Jitters: Okay. I’ll bite.
TO BE CONTINUED...