Anthonynotes
07-11-2005, 09:46 PM
Scenario:
(Cue: a shot of the CBS "eye" logo.)
ANNOUNCER: (With a somewhat-humiliating still-shot of Andy Rooney in mid-gripe superimposed over a stopwatch flashing on-screen) "60 Minutes" will *not* be seen at this time... so that we may air the following special...
(Cue: the 70's/80's-era "A CBS Special Presentation" swirling logo graphic, with bongo-drum music playing...)
(Cut to: a tropical island)
ANNOUNCER: It's time for... *SURVIVOR*! In this special edition, it's "Clash of the Toon Titans!" On this south Pacific island, we've drawn together various cartoon characters---in this case, cartoon characters who're known to *never* lose... or *almost* never lose! The top prize: $1 million dollars!
(Cue: more Survivor theme music...)
Now, let's meet our contestants!
1. Bugs Bunny: For over 60 years, America's favorite cartoon rabbit... he's beaten hunters, outlaws, opera singers, and the like. But can even *he* handle the threats on this island?
BUGS: Eh, a million bucks? Think of all dose carrots, doc...I'm sure I can handle dis, no sweat! (Slyly) Sweat ain't good for my complexion...
2. Batman: Also entertaining Americans for over 60 years, the Caped Crusader is known for defeating all manner of foes...but can *he* handle this challenge?
BATMAN: I'm sure I can handle this... I could use the money for my crimefighting efforts, especially with how tight my usual "supply" of funding has been lately. (Muttering) Post-Enron government oversight hasn't made secretive funding too easy these days... (clears throat) Anyway, I'll be sure to win... as long as I have "enough time to prepare" of course.
3. Peabody and Sherman: The time-traveling dog is known for his extreme intellect, but how does it hold up in this wilderness setting?
PEABODY: Quite well, I assure you. Winning this shall be no trouble at all.
SHERMAN: Gosh, Mr. Peabody, what'll we do with the cash?
PEABODY: What else? Use it to make our *own* movie about ourselves---instead of relying on someone *else* to handle that job...especially after that fiasco in 2000 with Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Moose...
4. Mickey Mouse: Entertaining America for 75 years, this mouse is nobody's pushover....but will *he* fare well against the stiff competition?
MICKEY: (Laughs) Don't worry, I can take on this challenge! Besides, I handled the Phantom Blot... how hard can this be?
5. Velma Dinkley: This super-smart teen has handled guys in costumes for years, with a perfect crime-solving record---but can *she* handle outdoor survival?
VELMA: I spent years traveling around the world on all those trips with the gang... if I can handle guys in phony costumes,I can handle this. As for the cash, I could use the crime-fighting equipment...or something to pay the junior college bills, at least.
6. Jerry the mouse: for years, he's thwarted Tom and other felines perpetually in all venues... in the French Revolution, in the west, and even with bizarre eastern European animators at the helm! But can he handle *this* challenge? While he can't speak, this mouse indicates that if he won the prize, a *major* dairy shopping trip to Wisconsin would be in his future... (Jerry waves a cheese catalog at the camera)
7. Droopy: don't underestimate this droopy dog---he's one tough, uh, whatever breed he is. At any rate, can the dog who dealt with the wolf on multiple occasions handle this challenge?
DROOPY: (To the camera) Why of course, bub. Besides, I like the idea of winning a million dollars...it makes me excited. (With a complete lack of enthusiasm) Hooray.
8. The Warner Siblings: Will these wild and crazy guys earn them the million dollars?! Will their zany gags be enough to win out over this competition?
YAKKO and WAKKO: (To someone off-screen) HELLOOOOO, CAMERA WOMAN NURSE!
DOT: (Annoyed) *Boys*.
WAKKO: I'm gonna buy every Don Knotts video ever made!
YAKKO: I'm gonna use it to buy a trip to Six Flags over Texas!
DOT: I'm gonna use it to---get Mel Gibson to marry me! (Her sibs eye her) What?!
9. Scrooge McDuck: Fresh off his victory from a previous Brainatra poll-thingy, Scrooge is ready to take on the challenge that this event offers!
SCROOGE: A *million dollars*?! Why, I'll have that money faster than you can say "Jack Robinson"! Soon as I finish swimming in this cash from that Wal-Mart challenge---eat your heart out, Luthor!
10. Penelope Pitstop: Yes, it wouldn't be a reality show if there wasn't some sort of attractive female present in the cast---and Penelope's *it*! (VELMA: (off-screen) Hmph...) She's escaped from the clutches of the Hooded Claw on every occasion *and* won several Wacky Races---but can she win *this* wacky challenge?
PENELOPE: Ah do declare, winnin' this contest is gonna be a little ol' piece of cake... ah'll get started as soon as ah finish with my little ol' sunbathin'... (cue a shot of: Penelope sunbathing in beachwear, with the drooling Warners nearby---whom Dot reigns in via a well-placed mallet...)
11. He-Man™: On a similar note, we needed *some* studly type to be represented in this contest---as well as a bone to throw to the 80's cartoon fans! He-Man™---one-time master of the merchandising universe, who *always* defeated Skeletor™ in his battles, now faces the ultimate challenge---defeating even *more* heavily-merchandised characters!
HE-MAN™: I need the money---gotta jump-start my career *somehow*! (Holds his He-Man™-brand sword aloft) BY THE POWER OF MARKETING---ER, GRAYSKULL™! (Filmation-style lightning flashes)
12. Ash and Pikachu: One's a kid, the other's electrical and has a limited vocabulary---but together, they're often victorious in Pokemon-battle, and always victorious over Team Rocket! Let's hear it from Ash and Pikachu, the token anime characters for this contest!
ASH: Oh boy! A million dollars?! We can make another two or three seasons' worth of "Pokemon" episodes!
PIKACHU: Pika...pika? Pika-piii!
ANNOUNCER: On this island, there'll be various challenges to face... and *none* of the challengers will be allowed use of their usual cartoon accouterments! (Pan over to see various mallets, anvils, bags of money, He-Man™'s sword, Bat-gadgets, Pokemon and Poke-balls, explosives, etc. are being locked in a safe at CBS headquarters. We also see Green Lantern power-ringing He-Man™ to strip him of his super-strength for the duration of the contest, while CBS technicians attach a grounding device to Pikachu to temporarily strip him of his electrical powers.)
ANNOUNCER: They'll have to win *this* one with whatever they cobble together on the *island*! So, let the battle of wits begin!
--
Yes, a "Survivor" poll-thingy. So I can get this obligatory poll-topic-question done and over with, not being a "Survivor" viewer. ;-)
I guess to keep the conversation level vaguely interesting beyond one-word answers:
1. I understand the Survivor TV show starts off with everyone divided into two seperate teams (that eventually merge back together once the number of contestants dwindle down). So, who above goes on which team?
2. Who gets voted off the island first?
3. Who actually wins this thing?
-B.
(Cue: a shot of the CBS "eye" logo.)
ANNOUNCER: (With a somewhat-humiliating still-shot of Andy Rooney in mid-gripe superimposed over a stopwatch flashing on-screen) "60 Minutes" will *not* be seen at this time... so that we may air the following special...
(Cue: the 70's/80's-era "A CBS Special Presentation" swirling logo graphic, with bongo-drum music playing...)
(Cut to: a tropical island)
ANNOUNCER: It's time for... *SURVIVOR*! In this special edition, it's "Clash of the Toon Titans!" On this south Pacific island, we've drawn together various cartoon characters---in this case, cartoon characters who're known to *never* lose... or *almost* never lose! The top prize: $1 million dollars!
(Cue: more Survivor theme music...)
Now, let's meet our contestants!
1. Bugs Bunny: For over 60 years, America's favorite cartoon rabbit... he's beaten hunters, outlaws, opera singers, and the like. But can even *he* handle the threats on this island?
BUGS: Eh, a million bucks? Think of all dose carrots, doc...I'm sure I can handle dis, no sweat! (Slyly) Sweat ain't good for my complexion...
2. Batman: Also entertaining Americans for over 60 years, the Caped Crusader is known for defeating all manner of foes...but can *he* handle this challenge?
BATMAN: I'm sure I can handle this... I could use the money for my crimefighting efforts, especially with how tight my usual "supply" of funding has been lately. (Muttering) Post-Enron government oversight hasn't made secretive funding too easy these days... (clears throat) Anyway, I'll be sure to win... as long as I have "enough time to prepare" of course.
3. Peabody and Sherman: The time-traveling dog is known for his extreme intellect, but how does it hold up in this wilderness setting?
PEABODY: Quite well, I assure you. Winning this shall be no trouble at all.
SHERMAN: Gosh, Mr. Peabody, what'll we do with the cash?
PEABODY: What else? Use it to make our *own* movie about ourselves---instead of relying on someone *else* to handle that job...especially after that fiasco in 2000 with Mr. Squirrel and Mr. Moose...
4. Mickey Mouse: Entertaining America for 75 years, this mouse is nobody's pushover....but will *he* fare well against the stiff competition?
MICKEY: (Laughs) Don't worry, I can take on this challenge! Besides, I handled the Phantom Blot... how hard can this be?
5. Velma Dinkley: This super-smart teen has handled guys in costumes for years, with a perfect crime-solving record---but can *she* handle outdoor survival?
VELMA: I spent years traveling around the world on all those trips with the gang... if I can handle guys in phony costumes,I can handle this. As for the cash, I could use the crime-fighting equipment...or something to pay the junior college bills, at least.
6. Jerry the mouse: for years, he's thwarted Tom and other felines perpetually in all venues... in the French Revolution, in the west, and even with bizarre eastern European animators at the helm! But can he handle *this* challenge? While he can't speak, this mouse indicates that if he won the prize, a *major* dairy shopping trip to Wisconsin would be in his future... (Jerry waves a cheese catalog at the camera)
7. Droopy: don't underestimate this droopy dog---he's one tough, uh, whatever breed he is. At any rate, can the dog who dealt with the wolf on multiple occasions handle this challenge?
DROOPY: (To the camera) Why of course, bub. Besides, I like the idea of winning a million dollars...it makes me excited. (With a complete lack of enthusiasm) Hooray.
8. The Warner Siblings: Will these wild and crazy guys earn them the million dollars?! Will their zany gags be enough to win out over this competition?
YAKKO and WAKKO: (To someone off-screen) HELLOOOOO, CAMERA WOMAN NURSE!
DOT: (Annoyed) *Boys*.
WAKKO: I'm gonna buy every Don Knotts video ever made!
YAKKO: I'm gonna use it to buy a trip to Six Flags over Texas!
DOT: I'm gonna use it to---get Mel Gibson to marry me! (Her sibs eye her) What?!
9. Scrooge McDuck: Fresh off his victory from a previous Brainatra poll-thingy, Scrooge is ready to take on the challenge that this event offers!
SCROOGE: A *million dollars*?! Why, I'll have that money faster than you can say "Jack Robinson"! Soon as I finish swimming in this cash from that Wal-Mart challenge---eat your heart out, Luthor!
10. Penelope Pitstop: Yes, it wouldn't be a reality show if there wasn't some sort of attractive female present in the cast---and Penelope's *it*! (VELMA: (off-screen) Hmph...) She's escaped from the clutches of the Hooded Claw on every occasion *and* won several Wacky Races---but can she win *this* wacky challenge?
PENELOPE: Ah do declare, winnin' this contest is gonna be a little ol' piece of cake... ah'll get started as soon as ah finish with my little ol' sunbathin'... (cue a shot of: Penelope sunbathing in beachwear, with the drooling Warners nearby---whom Dot reigns in via a well-placed mallet...)
11. He-Man™: On a similar note, we needed *some* studly type to be represented in this contest---as well as a bone to throw to the 80's cartoon fans! He-Man™---one-time master of the merchandising universe, who *always* defeated Skeletor™ in his battles, now faces the ultimate challenge---defeating even *more* heavily-merchandised characters!
HE-MAN™: I need the money---gotta jump-start my career *somehow*! (Holds his He-Man™-brand sword aloft) BY THE POWER OF MARKETING---ER, GRAYSKULL™! (Filmation-style lightning flashes)
12. Ash and Pikachu: One's a kid, the other's electrical and has a limited vocabulary---but together, they're often victorious in Pokemon-battle, and always victorious over Team Rocket! Let's hear it from Ash and Pikachu, the token anime characters for this contest!
ASH: Oh boy! A million dollars?! We can make another two or three seasons' worth of "Pokemon" episodes!
PIKACHU: Pika...pika? Pika-piii!
ANNOUNCER: On this island, there'll be various challenges to face... and *none* of the challengers will be allowed use of their usual cartoon accouterments! (Pan over to see various mallets, anvils, bags of money, He-Man™'s sword, Bat-gadgets, Pokemon and Poke-balls, explosives, etc. are being locked in a safe at CBS headquarters. We also see Green Lantern power-ringing He-Man™ to strip him of his super-strength for the duration of the contest, while CBS technicians attach a grounding device to Pikachu to temporarily strip him of his electrical powers.)
ANNOUNCER: They'll have to win *this* one with whatever they cobble together on the *island*! So, let the battle of wits begin!
--
Yes, a "Survivor" poll-thingy. So I can get this obligatory poll-topic-question done and over with, not being a "Survivor" viewer. ;-)
I guess to keep the conversation level vaguely interesting beyond one-word answers:
1. I understand the Survivor TV show starts off with everyone divided into two seperate teams (that eventually merge back together once the number of contestants dwindle down). So, who above goes on which team?
2. Who gets voted off the island first?
3. Who actually wins this thing?
-B.