Claire (illustrated poem)

[Edd]

I had contemplated putting this on the story board, but the story is really a nonsensical fairy tale. The strength (whatever strength it has) lies in the imagery.

Some of these I'm proud of; some not so much. But I do hold the poem and artwork dear to me. Let me know what you think.

It was done with drawing pens in a sketch book; nothing fancy.

Moderately mature content - mod approved.



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/1-TITLECARDcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/2-BABYCLAIREcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/3-MOMMYSSUICIDEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/4-DADDYSBREAKDOWNcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/5-JESUSCAMEOcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/6-CLAIRESCAPEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/7-CLAIREKILLSTHEORPHANAGEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/8-CLAIRESETSOUTcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/9-CLAIRETHEWANDERERcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/10-MATUREDCLAIREcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/11-VILLAGEINFLAMEScopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/12-CLAIREFINDSAPUPPYcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/13-ABSENT-MINDEDPUPPYcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/14-FIRE-BREATHINGPUPPYcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/15-EMPATHYcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/16-CLAIRETHEPUPPYcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/17-BESTFRIENDScopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/18-MISTAKEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/19-VIENSACRAFICEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/20-ALONEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/21-CLAIRESFINALHEARTACHEcopy.jpg






http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/22-THEENDcopy.jpg






Thank you.


--Kevin "Kaipazu Kebin" Kypers

[peacebyanymeans]

:eek:

[Edd]

:eek:
I-Is that good? :ack:

[peacebyanymeans]

I-Is that good? :ack:
Yes, excellent drawing and poeming, or poeting, ;)

But, I'm just not too... um... emo-like liking. (it's pretty emo)

[Teo]

I like it but the meter of the lines was really inconsistent. I dig the couplet construction but the changing rhythm and odd accenting made it hard to read in parts. It's like a car abruptly changing speeds. With a little reworking the words could be smoother and even. I can appreciate if you were trying to be more free verse with it, but with the rhyming it feels like it's serving two masters. Cool concept though and nice drawing work. There's some nice scenes in there that are detailed enough yet stark enough to really match the poem.

[Matt A]

Dark, bleak and actually quite sadistic: I may not be emo by anyone's standards, but such things are usually my cup of tea. Hence why that poem served me well: let's not forget its sheer inventiveness too.:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

Oh, and you're a bloody good artist to boot.:anime: :anime: :anime:

-Matt A-

[starfire0639]

Sadistic?...Um maybe.Dark?...Indeed. The one thing I took from it was she finally made a freind..but that one thing that had made its way thru her heart soon died from its own mistake and caused the girl to die herself from a broken heart. Its a sad peom in the most.But still very awsome. Great job Edd.

[Rune]

Wow, I'm on dial up and it's taken an absolute age for the page to load and then the same again for it to let me reply but that aside I think you've done a marvellous job here Edd :) A little tweaking with the meter might help it read more smoothly indeed, but frankly I think that adds to it's charm and the drawings really compliment the text in their starkness. Sad yes, sadistic no, something you should be proud of? Very much so :)

[SimpsonGuy100]

Very dark, disturbing and definetly not for the faint-hearted.

But on the other hand the illustrations are excellent and the sense of story line was great.

The only thing I fear about is fearing if I get nightmares from it or anything serious. :anime:

Good work, Edd.

B+

[Lord Welshi]

so very dark, so very bleak, so very good. images go well with what's wirtten. i'd supply more, but have exams to worry about. good work though!

[Mary_mari]

Ahh, I love tragic endings* But I absolutely adore the drawing that went with "When she was about three...". That is a gorgeously portrayed scene, you did it wonderfully. And avoiding all colors except black was a genious trick. You also have an awesome style, you should certainly find use for it in the future*

Thanks so much for sharing this. It's so refreshing to see works like this.

[Edd]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v736/KaipazuKebin/Claire%20Copyrighted/CLAIREbyKevinKyperscopy.png


Yes, excellent drawing and poeming, or poeting, ;)

But, I'm just not too... um... emo-like liking. (it's pretty emo)I have trouble with knowing what's emo and what's not; I guess it is pretty emo, though that wasn't the intention. Everything I do just tends to have a dark air to it. I thank you for you comments and am humbled by your kind words. :anime:


I like it but the meter of the lines was really inconsistent. I dig the couplet construction but the changing rhythm and odd accenting made it hard to read in parts. It's like a car abruptly changing speeds. With a little reworking the words could be smoother and even. I can appreciate if you were trying to be more free verse with it, but with the rhyming it feels like it's serving two masters. Cool concept though and nice drawing work. There's some nice scenes in there that are detailed enough yet stark enough to really match the poem.
Wow, I'm on dial up and it's taken an absolute age for the page to load and then the same again for it to let me reply but that aside I think you've done a marvellous job here Edd :) A little tweaking with the meter might help it read more smoothly indeed, but frankly I think that adds to it's charm and the drawings really compliment the text in their starkness. Sad yes, sadistic no, something you should be proud of? Very much so :)I agree, I probably should have changed the inconsistent lengths; the thought did cross my mind. But I chose against it for the reason Rune gave; I thought (hoped) that it added a bit of awkward charm. I'm not much of a poet, really; my poems all tend to tell a little story to hide my lack of poetic ability and I feature drawings because that's the true drive of it.

Thank you both for your time and reviews. Sorry it took so long, Rune, but hey--it was WAY better than all of those "Eds" fics I wrote those years ago, huh? ;)


Dark, bleak and actually quite sadistic: I may not be emo by anyone's standards, but such things are usually my cup of tea. Hence why that poem served me well: let's not forget its sheer inventiveness too.:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

Oh, and you're a bloody good artist to boot.:anime: :anime: :anime:

-Matt A-
Sadistic?...Um maybe.Dark?...Indeed. The one thing I took from it was she finally made a freind..but that one thing that had made its way thru her heart soon died from its own mistake and caused the girl to die herself from a broken heart. Its a sad peom in the most.But still very awsome. Great job Edd.
so very dark, so very bleak, so very good. images go well with what's wirtten. i'd supply more, but have exams to worry about. good work though!Thank you, very much. :D Although I'll be the first to tell you the story lacks any explaination of the abnormal abilities of Claire and the puppy, I will take credit for it being inventive. :cool:

As far as whose to blame for the tragic scene, I really don't know. I guess it was the dog's fault for not being careful, but I feel bad putting the blame on her. The dog died trying to save Claire and the dog wouldn't have if they didn't love each other. The dog giving it's life is what sealed Claire's fate; but none of it was by any means Claire's fault. It was just an unfortunate incident. Something was bound to happen sooner or later with a dog who breathes fire.


Very dark, disturbing and definetly not for the faint-hearted.

But on the other hand the illustrations are excellent and the sense of story line was great.

The only thing I fear about is fearing if I get nightmares from it or anything serious. :anime:

Good work, Edd.

B+:ack: I hope I didn't give you nightmares. Thank you for your compliments!

I had hoped a few of the drawings would keep it from feeling too heavy. Some of them have a bit of humor, most prominently the one with the nun holding Claire and the one where Claire gives the dog "an evil stare".


Ahh, I love tragic endings* But I absolutely adore the drawing that went with "When she was about three...". That is a gorgeously portrayed scene, you did it wonderfully. And avoiding all colors except black was a genious trick. You also have an awesome style, you should certainly find use for it in the future*

Thanks so much for sharing this. It's so refreshing to see works like this.o.o You're welcome...I mean, thank you! That is one of the pictures I was very pleased with how it turned out.

My least favorite is the first image with her as a teen. Her head's too narrow, her hair is a bit off, her cloak just looks awkwardly bumpy, and her hood looks more like a hunch-back.

Thank you all, again, for not only viewing my poem and artwork, but for taking the time to tell me what you thought. I'm surprised by the response I've gotten; if anyone else has something to say, I'd love to hear. :anime:

[SimpsonGuy100]

No, it didn't give me nightmares.

I did like it, especially the artwork. :p

[Kylewayne]

O_O! Wow...That was so dark, disturbing and yet beautiful at the same time. I'm such a sucker for the noiresque story type. The art is very fitting and so is the lettering. This would make a cool adult or teen goth book ;-)

[Edd]

O_O! Wow...That was so dark, disturbing and yet beautiful at the same time. I'm such a sucker for the noiresque story type. The art is very fitting and so is the lettering. This would make a cool adult or teen goth book ;-)*bows* Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, the artwork, and the lettering. :anime:

It works as a little story book, but those are generally geared towards a younger audience. As of now I do have intentions to deepen the story and try to turn it into a novel probably within the next few years. I wouldn't start it for a while.

[Faethie]

WHOA.

You never cease to amaze and astound me do you?!!!!!;)

Gosh.

It was deep, dark, and...well....just plain spooky.

If I didn't know any better....I would say you're like a teenaged Edgar Allen Poe come back from the dead....because I love his poems and stories, and cause yours are...wow I cant believe I'm saying this...but they're practically as good. No seriously. I'm not kidding. You're just plain awesome.:anime: :D

[Wanted]

The best illustrated poem I've ever read. Why, I'd say it's on par with Shel Silverstein, if not better.

[Edd]

WHOA.

You never cease to amaze and astound me do you?!!!!!;)

Gosh.

It was deep, dark, and...well....just plain spooky.

If I didn't know any better....I would say you're like a teenaged Edgar Allen Poe come back from the dead....because I love his poems and stories, and cause yours are...wow I cant believe I'm saying this...but they're practically as good. No seriously. I'm not kidding. You're just plain awesome.:anime: :D:eek: Wow, I think you exagerate just a...lot. :p But I'm flattered beyond words.

I very much appriciate the shout-out in your info, too. :D :D :D

I regret to inform you that my next "Teen Titan" story, "Alopecia", probably won't be nearly as good as "Lifted Nevermore". But I think the other stories will shape up... Look forward to the last one in the collection, which will be Beast Boy's. I refuse to tell anyone what it will be about, but I have high hopes.


The best illustrated poem I've ever read. Why, I'd say it's on par with Shel Silverstein, if not better.Thank you very much; I think you exagerate, too! ;) I don't know if it's a fair comparison, though, as most of Shel Silverstein's poems are very short and have an overall fun feeling to them. This, though not too heavy, has a darker air with 19 verses and 20 images.

[MultiMEDEA]

Thank you very much; I think you exagerate, too! ;) I don't know if it's a fair comparison, though, as most of Shel Silverstein's poems are very short and have an overall fun feeling to them. This, though not too heavy, has a darker air with 19 verses and 20 images.
I agree. This piece is more in keeping with Edward Gorey's work, especially The Beastly Baby. You can find copies of this work on various Gorey websites and his Amphigorey Too collection.

I found your piece charming and a very creative use of your skills, Edd.:D

[Faethie]

:eek: Wow, I think you exagerate just a...lot. :p But I'm flattered beyond words.

I very much appriciate the shout-out in your info, too. :D :D :D

I regret to inform you that my next "Teen Titan" story, "Alopecia", probably won't be nearly as good as "Lifted Nevermore". But I think the other stories will shape up... Look forward to the last one in the collection, which will be Beast Boy's. I refuse to tell anyone what it will be about, but I have high hopes.
do I exagerate...*looks at her post* ummmmm....I'm not so sure ;) ...
and yeah, about the shout-out...you definatly deserve it..

'Alopecia' ay? sounds cool, but part of what made "Lifted Nevermore" so awesome is that it was about Raven. You're an awesome writer, and Raven's a cool character, and when you put two and two together....it's like, WOW.

The last one is BB's? Aw man! I mean, its the last one!! And BB's like, my fav character....I just hope you don't make him suicidal or anything....:sweat: hehe, I think its soo not beast boy, and they do it on ff.net alot..........

[Edd]

TO MULTIMEDIA:
*bows* Thank you for your comments. :anime:

TO VORTEXGIRL:
I think you'll really like the BB one though I don't think it will celebrate his light-hearted nature. Percguy's short story about Beast Boy was well written, but I agree that suicidal is really pushing it. I take pride in understanding characters enough that every character, whether the story focuses on them or not, will be in character.

Hm... I'm getting a bit off topic. Any more talk about that stuff should probably be confined to PMs. But I don't think there's much more to say. :eek:

IN CLOSING, thanks again, everyone! :D

[LightShadow1890]

Um...am I too late to say anything?! :crying:

Well, it's dark, sadistic, a little "gothic" (as some people might put it in today's definition of "gothic")....and it's cute at the same time. I didn't really care so much for the art or the poem (though there was a line which need some tweaking, the end rhyme doesn't match too well), it was really good. I[m not sure if I'm too late to say anything, but I wanted to give you my feelings and perspective of this. The storytelling to me is good, and if anyone says it's too dark, blah blah blah should have more sunny stuff crap blah blah...don't listen.

Happy to see more from you!

[Edd]

Um...am I too late to say anything?! :crying: Not at all. :anime:


Well, it's dark, sadistic, a little "gothic" (as some people might put it in today's definition of "gothic")....and it's cute at the same time.Thank you; I'm glad you thought it was cute, too. :p


I didn't really care so much for the art or the poem (though there was a line which need some tweaking, the end rhyme doesn't match too well)--So...you didn't care for it? Or was this a typo, as the rest of the post implies that you did. :confused:


--it was really good. I[m not sure if I'm too late to say anything, but I wanted to give you my feelings and perspective of this. The storytelling to me is good, and if anyone says it's too dark, blah blah blah should have more sunny stuff crap blah blah...don't listen.

Happy to see more from you! Thanks, LightShadow, and thanks again everyone!