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.Raven
05-15-2005, 02:53 PM
This is my first fic constructive comments will be apreciated.


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Teen Titans

Cursed Raven

_____________________________________________________________________



Prologue:


The Prophecy of the Curse.




Darkness shall veil the world of mortals…




…And all who reside there shall fall to the power of the undying shadows…




…Mortals will tremble before its raw power…




…Traitors shall know naught but desolation as punish for their treason…




…For as long as the Curse remains the prophecy shall be fulfilled.


_______________________________




Chapter One:


The Beast


Part One






It was dark, the moonlight struggled to penetrate the gloom, even the various streetlights seemed to fail to illuminate. The streets were empty, almost. From out of a creepy store Raven emerged, she was holding an old, weathered book; if any form of illustration or words were on the ancient cover they were impossible to see. Raven began to levitate but almost immediately stopped, she thought she could see someone or maybe something but dismissed the idea.




I should get back to the tower, hopefully I’ll get back before dawn.




She was cautious, she decided it would be best to walk, and so reluctantly she began to do so, after a few steps she started to move faster, it wasn’t getting lighter, it was becoming darker. Raven thought she could hear footsteps, she stopped but the sound continued, it was getting closer; she began to run, she had forgotten about her powers, she was afraid. The footsteps were becoming louder, the faster she ran the quicker it became, it almost felt that it was directly behind her and that if it extended its arm, if it had arms, that it could reach her. Raven stumbled and fell, she couldn’t get up, she tried to scream but she couldn’t even open her mouth, all she could do was close her eyes.




What’s happening to me?




She felt a hand grab her cloak, she dropped the book, it began to lift her up, what ever it was it definitely had arms and hands and hadn’t heard of nail, or in this case talon, clippers. It then threw Raven towards what, upon opening her eyes, she saw to be a wall. She lay on the cold ground struggling, she could hear it coming, she could hear it breathe, it picked her up again but this time it used its free hand to cut her back, she attempted to try and use her powers, put again she found herself unable to speak. It rotated Raven in its hand so that she could see it.




That thing really is big…




The creature stood about nine feet tall, with its back bent, its face resembled that of deer’s’ skull except without antlers, it wore a long cloak and through the back of the cloak protruded long spikes, it arms were almost as long as it was tall and from its hands extended long talons, and worse than all of its aesthetic features was its foul stench, like that of rotting corpses.




…And it smells bad too.




Raven felt helpless as it raised her above its head, it lunged out its other hand, and one of its great talons penetrated her skin and went directly through her body, missing her vital organs and any other organs for that matter.




Too bad that didn’t kill me…






It didn’t seem as if it wanted to kill her, it merely wanted to cause her pain and fear. The beast seemed to exert what sounded like a demented imitation of a laugh; it had had its fun and tossed Raven aside. She lay there in her own blood on the cold ground staring at the stars and thought:


I’m going to die, great.

JAG
05-15-2005, 03:31 PM
Firsties!:D

This is pretty good so far, but I think Raven would react just a little bit more if she got impaled, and was about to die. Also, black letters are really hard to read, so you might want to pick a different color.

You don't watch Spongebob by any chance, do you? "Too bad that didn't kill me" sounds like somthing Squidward would say.

.Raven
05-15-2005, 03:38 PM
If you've just been impaled and are dieing then arn't going to be able to do much

rrarbecy
05-15-2005, 03:41 PM
Now that was a beginning. I can't wait for more.

.Raven
05-15-2005, 03:43 PM
er, thanks.

About the poll:

I've started writing part 2 Sorcery

but if you choose "...halucinating" i've already written part 3 and all of chapter 2 but this is much shorter and gets to the point quicker, personally i hate this choice

JAG
05-15-2005, 03:49 PM
Well, it's your story, so do whatever you want.:shrug: Actually, now that I think about it, Raven doesn't seem afraid to die. A quote from 'Deep Six': "Okay, we're all going to drown." She didn't seem to care much, so I stand corrected.:)

Alpha Man
05-15-2005, 03:54 PM
Pretty good so far. I hope this doesn't end up like either of my stories:sweat: . I only have one suggestion: please make the words easier to see (ie change it to white). I don't know about the other readers, but my laptop makes black on black really tough to read. So please, make it white.

Other than that, keep it up.:D

.Raven
05-15-2005, 04:00 PM
sorry about the black,

its not my fault really...

.Raven
05-15-2005, 04:02 PM
I hope this doesn't end up like either of my stories:sweat: .it won't.

.Raven
05-15-2005, 04:21 PM
If you happen to have seen the village then you should know that the idea for the beast came from that movie

JAG
05-15-2005, 04:29 PM
No, I haven't seen it.

Reket
05-15-2005, 06:59 PM
Nope, me haven't seen that movie either. This is a great start, by the way! It really sets the tone and the mood. Keep up the good work!

.Raven
05-16-2005, 03:10 PM
I've wrote part 2 sorcerey and will ever post hallucinating or sorcerey on sunday

Reket
05-16-2005, 08:20 PM
YERSE! Next chapter soon!!

.Raven
05-17-2005, 03:10 PM
Forget the poll, here's chapter 1 part 2, Sorcery:


___________________________________________


Chapter One:


The Beast


Part Two


Sorcery



Raven opened her eyes, she could see a faint light, her whole body ached, she struggled to get up. She looked at her surroundings, everything had a dark and mysterious feel to it, there were pipes and wires everywhere, and even bizarre glass containers. Her cloak was missing but she had received medical attention. Raven stumbled towards the door it opened automatically. The room she entered was large, dark and mostly empty, there was a single light at the center of the room to light the room, she walked towards the light, there where only two doors, the door to room she came from and a door directly opposite it.



Is anyone actually here, and where is here?



The next room was just as dark but someone was sitting in a chair at the side of the room,

“Now that you’re awake I have a question for you.”



“Who are you?”



“Please answer my question first, what was it that attacked?”



“I don’t know but it looked like a part deer part man part porcupine, so who are you?”



“I am, or at least was, Rorek.”



“You mean the sorcerer from the Rorek versus Malchior book.”



“I see that you were the one that unleashed Malchior.”



“Are you a thousand years old?”



“Magic, very useful for prolonging ones life and keeping ones youth.”

Rorek rose from his chair and walked into the light, he had long white hair and large sapphire eyes, he wore a black scarf and silver armor.



“Answer my question, where are we?”



“Well, let’s just say that this is my home, it was once a lab used for experimentation on fossils, the foolish scientists tried resurrect creature they knew nothing about, I believe the creature that attacked was one of them, the beast has two names, Nightmare or Soul Stealer, but I would say that the former best suits it.”



“Why are you here?”



“And I thought I would be asking the questions, I am here to stop the Nightmares.”



There are more of those things!



“Where’s the exit?”



“Follow me.”



Rorek began to head towards what looked like an old painting but passed directly through, Raven followed, she put out her hand and touched the painting, except their was no painting or a wall, she too walked through it. She was now standing in a long hall, unlike the other rooms there were windows, she looked out of one them, it was still dark outside,



“I thought you wanted to leave?”



Raven went to the end of the hall, Rorek opened the door, she was in the old bookstore that she had been in earlier that night,

“What happened to that book you brought?”



“I lost it.”



Rorek led her to the door,



“I have a favor to ask of you.”



“What?”



“Can I return with you so that can request the aid of your friends?”



Raven thought about this and remembered when Malchior misled her into freeing him, but this was different, Malchior was trapped in a book.



“Well, can I?”



“Yes” was all she said.

.Raven
05-17-2005, 04:03 PM
Part 3: Disposition is complete and I'm writing Chapter 2 dark ambitions part one: Fall of the Sorcerer

JAG
05-17-2005, 04:07 PM
Interesting. Just how many Nightmares are there?

Crowgirl
05-17-2005, 04:53 PM
More then one. :p

This a great start. I agree with all of the above comments. I like how we're meeting the real Rorek and that he needs Raven's help. Can't wait for more!

Ciao,
CG

Reket
05-17-2005, 06:16 PM
dang, I need to know what happens next! Interesting, Malchior and Rorek...I seriously wonder where this is going to end up.

.Raven
05-19-2005, 03:21 PM
while swearing at crappy internet connection :mad:

here's part three: disposition




____________________


Chapter One:


The Beast


Part Three


Disposition



Raven and Rorek had returned to the tower, Beast Boy and Starfire met them,

“I am glad to see that you are safe!”



“But I’ve only been gone for…”



“Three days!” Beast Boy interrupted.



“Ah, yes I believe I forgot mention that.”



“Who’s the knight in shining armor?”



“He’s not a knight…”



“I am Rorek, I am here to see your leader.”



I think I should’ve said no…



“You wish to see Robin.”

Rorek looked at Raven



“Yeah…”



They went into the tower and into the living room, Robin and Cyborg waiting for them, Rorek stepped forward,

“I request your aid.”



“What?” said Beast Boy



“Who are you and why do you need our help?”



“I am Rorek, and I need your aid in defeating the Nightmares.”



“Dude, nightmares aren’t…”



“Not those kind of nightmares, I mean diabolic demons, there sole intention is to destroy everything, but with the possibilities of a few exceptions…”

Rorek stared at Raven for a few seconds,



“If they want to destroy everything then they’ll have to get through us first.”



“I suppose that means yes.”

Raven went to her room, her head hurt, she collapsed.



“I should return to my… home.”



“You could stay here, we have an extra room and we could talk more about the Nightmares.”



“I shall except your offer but first I must collect a few of my possessions.”

Rorek left the tower.



“I didn’t know we had an extra room,” said Cyborg “If I did I would have installed those disco lights there.” Cyborg said under his breathe



“You mean Terra’s room?”



“Remember Terra’s…”



Raven woke up,



How long I have been laying here for?



She stood up and waked over to a cloak that was on her bed and put it on, she then picked up a book and left her room. Raven went into the living room,

“Where’s Rorek?”



“He went ba…”



“The Nightmares are in the city!” Rorek interrupt.



“Titans, GO!” shouted Robin.



More than twenty of the evil beasts where waiting for them…

.Raven
05-19-2005, 04:04 PM
FORGET THE POLL!

.Raven
06-05-2005, 03:20 PM
Chapter Two:

Dark Ambitions

Part One

Fall of the Sorcerer



The beasts charged towards the Titans, Beast Boy turned into a rhino and stampeded towards the Nightmares, Cyborg fired his sonic canon, Starfire threw starbolts at them and Robin threw several freeze discs at them. Rorek stood there, it seemed as if he was doing nothing, Raven was nowhere to be seen. Cyborg’s sonic canon did little to the demons as did Starfire’s starbolts; a Nightmare grabbed the rhino Beast Boy by the horn and tossed him towards Robin’s freeze discs. A huge tremor passed through the ground, it only affected the Nightmares, and they all fell to the ground.



“Where’s Raven?” asked Robin, no one answered.



Rorek was the one who had unleashed the tremor and now spikes of rock burst through the ground underneath the Nightmares, everyone, with the exception of Beast Boy who they on the ground frozen, repeated their previous attacks, the Nightmares were unable to defend themselves, two (http://69.42.87.218/cgi-bin/ezlclk.fcgi?id=10043) of the beasts were frozen, the blast from Cyborg’s sonic canon tore a Nightmares arm off and Starfire’s starbolts ripped a whole through another Nightmare.



Raven sat (http://69.42.87.218/cgi-bin/ezlclk.fcgi?id=9918) on top of a small restaurant near the battle, she had fallen from the air at the sight of the Nightmares, there was something strangely familiar about them, this thought alone made it impossible for her to fight, she didn’t understand why,



I have to help them…



A Nightmare appeared behind Rorek, it lashed out at him knocking him to the ground, the surviving beasts could move again, no longer trapped by the spikes, once again they charged, the titans tried to retaliate but the Nightmares moved with intense speed knocking them down. Rorek got to his feet; the fifteen remaining Nightmares began to glow, light pierced through the dark creatures destroying them.



Raven found the courage to move again, she arrived at the battle scene, the Nightmares had been defeated, she felt as if she had let the others down even though they had been victorious. A mysterious man wearing a black cloak with the hood over his head was standing behind Rorek, he plunged a long pole into Rorek’s back, it passed straight through him, the man then pulled the pole out of Rorek and tossed it aside, Rorek fell, he was dead. Raven looked at Rorek’s killer, he removed his hood yet still half of his face was concealed by shadow,



“No!” yelled Robin as he stood up.



The killer began to laugh…

JAG
06-05-2005, 03:50 PM
These last two chapters were both good. A few minor things, though: When several people are talking, you might want to put who is saying what. The dialouge was a little confusing (to me, anyway) in some parts. Also, more description wouldn't hurt. Those problems aside, though, it was great! Was it Slade who killed Rorek?

.Raven
06-06-2005, 08:06 AM
Good guess, but it might be wrong
is it that obvious?