Reader Feedback Wanted

[Tzomisx]

Ok, so here I am writing my first fan-fic for anything ever. Normally I dont like to write fan fics but because I recently realized where my writing style comes from (B:TAS when I was real young - dark undertones, dark stories, ect) I wanted to pay sort of a fun little homage meshing one of my characters in with the BTAS universe.

Now the writing isnt so much the problem as is the presentation. I've come to an internal debate which I cant seem to resolve over the last day or so, SCRIPT vs STORY style. On one hand I think the script style is nice, but I dont know if the reader can actually imagine actions around the dialogue (outside of the important action/scene notes I write) BUT on the other hand I could see the full picture in my mind wrote out in a traditional style would give a better feel. It comes down to FULL DIALOGUE vs FULL DESCRIPTION.

As a reader, which do you prefer?

SCRIPT (this is a part of the script that I'm writing. I gotta rework words and take out Disney Land and Viet Nam Vet to be something more fitting of BTAS, overall something that could have actuall aired as a BTAS episode)

Scene: Two henchmen are sitting on a couch watching TV in a large room of a warehouse. There is a crashing noise followed by the sounds of a fist fight coming from TV Set…

H(enchmen)1(annoyed): Pfft…. Like that’d never happen

H(enchmen)2: Whats your problem now?

H1: That

H2: What?

H1 (even more annoyed than before): That Its like who the hell could crash through a sky light like that without being shot and killed by the guards below

H2: Maybe they didn’t have time to react

H1: That was easily a 15 foot drop, of course they had time to react– they had their guns in their hands!

H2 (thinking while talking): They… they were paralyzed in fear.

H1: What? Ive heard you say some dumb **** before, but you’ve out done yourself.

H2 (defensive): People cant get scared?

H1 (explaining): Sure, people can get scared, but these are Plasmatron’s guards

H2: That has nothing to do with it

H1: It has everything to do with it. Listen, if your job was to serve and protect a super villain, an INFAMOUS super villain at that, chances are you’re going to be attacked by freaks like the Grey Ghost all the time. Hell, you’d see things that’d make a Viet Nam vet’s flashbacks sound like a trip to Disney land.

H2 (trying not to admit defeat): … you’re just mad ‘cause we ain’t watching baseball.

Batman Crashes through a window above them, the henchmen see him falling to the ground and are overcome with fear.

Right as Batman Land,

H1: Oh ****

Batman: That’s right

The second henchmen gets a a few shots off but misses by a long shot. Batman throws his Bat-a-rang, knocking the guns out of the hands of the henchmen and to the floor. He picks up H2 by the collar of his shirt and throws him at the TV – H2 hits the TV stand, causing the TV to fall and knock him out cold. H1 squats down and tries to pick up his gun but his right hand is badly injured and the left is shaking ferociously – he is met by a blow from Batman’s fist and goes out like a light


vs

STORY (small snippet of something else I did on TZ, pretty much everyone writes in this style)

The 210 something pound brute of a man grew impatient and decided that he wouldn’t give Eric a chance comply, kicking him again in his ribs with the freshly polished tip of his Timberland boots. Another spurt of blood gushed out of his mouth, further tainting the sea of snow surrounding him. Eric could feel the blow, but barely this time; either he was starting to fade away or it was the ice beneath him dulling his senses.

P.S. - Feel free to comment on the writing itself too if you want

[AceOfKnaves]

I like the dialogue between the two thugs, it's very amusing. :sweat: Though the actual format of the script is a little hard to understand, but regardless I'm excited to see where this goes.

Anyway, because this is a script, and not a fic, I'm going to go ahead and move this over to the Storyboard. :)


~Selena~

[DarkAngel]

It comes down to FULL DIALOGUE vs FULL DESCRIPTION.

As a reader, which do you prefer?Well, in general, I prefer a story to a script because I like seeing both the descriptions and the dialogue. Descriptive paragraphs are great and are needed in a story to some degree to give the reader some idea of how things look, what the setting is, etc.

However, if it's a choice between full dialogue and full description, I have to go with dialogue. Ultimately, to me, the dialogue is most important. Exchanges between characters are typically the most interesting part of any story or novel. That's were things really start to happen. Action is great, but it's what's behind that action that drives a story. Often, when I'm reading a novel, I'll skim quickly through some of the long descriptive passages, which can bore me, just picking up enough to know the setting. It's the dialogue I want to get to, which is often the meat of the story.

As for the snippets you provided above: I loved both. The Batman stuff was great. I enjoyed the dialogue immensely, knowing Batman was going to come crashing down and that the two thugs were going to experience first-hand just how realistic that TV scene could be. And the paragraph at the bottom was solid, too. Well written and flowed well.