Rover_Wow
02-28-2005, 12:04 AM
After the results were decided, I imagined what it might have looked it if the awards were actually presented as an award show. I came up with this, just in time for the Oscars (or rather, Oscar post-show wrap). Here goes!:
So, we're at the Wombat Hall [All Grown Up!] where Nicktoon stars, well, most of the modern ones anyway, are getting themselves seated. And now, out comes our MC for the evening: hometown boy Tommy Pickles. After some applause, Pickles introduces a special opening film for this awards show titled "The Great Monster Hunt", produced by Pickles himself.
To wit: It's June 2004, and a reward is being put up for actual video footage of a monster. Dil Pickles teams up with his online buddy, Carl Foutley, to get the prize, and their older siblings Tommy and Ginger (who have enlisted the help of Eliza Thornberry to track them down) meet up with Gerald Johanssen, Nick Dean, Twister Rodriguez, and the Rocket siblings (in town for a skateboarding competition) for a scary and hilarious adventure, if "scary and hilarious" meant "ridiculously contrived". Well, it was funny, but there's gotta be a better way to have an excuse to feature as many Nicktoons as possible. Especially with the skateboarding contest, and Jimmy Neutron and Jack Fenton coming out of nowhere to test their latest inventions for catching monsters. Sheesh.
After the film is over, there is applause, some of it clearly forced. Anyways, Tommy introduces the first presenter, "Smart, sassy, and full of air. Phoebe Hyerdahl of Hey Arnold!" After taking a minor swipe at Tommy for recalling her farting incident [HA!, "Phoebe's Little Problem"], Phoebe introduces the first award. It's "Best Guest of 2004", and it honors (duh!) the best guest of 2004. The nominations are Daniel Stark, Shaun White, and Mommi Makani from [[Rocket Power, "The Big Day"]], Tim Allen and Alyssa Milano from [[Jimmy Neutron, "Win, Lose, and Ka-Boom!"]], Alec Baldwin from [[FOP, "Channel Chasers"]], Carla from [[Rocket Power, "New Girl On The Block"]], Lil Romeo from [[All Grown Up!, "It's Cupid, Stupid"]], and the late great Bean from [[AGU!, "Interview with a Campfire"]]. Your winner: Daniel Stark. In retrospect, it just doesn't seem right that he wins the prize for all of 30 seconds' work, as opposed to the rest, who put in at least 30 minutes' work each (except Carla, who was in a 10 minute short). Anyways, he apparently isn't here today, so to accept the award on his behalf is Otto Rocket. He puts out a short speech, congratulating Daniel on the great snowboarding he showed off in his brief 30 seconds of screen time. He also mentions the leukemia Stark recovered from, and wishes him a complete recovery.
Moving along, Chester McBadbat from The Fairly OddParents introduces the next award. "We can't always get what we want, and we sometimes get what we don't want. I dunno why, but our friend Timmy should learn this..." Was that even a joke? Anyways, it's "Biggest Disappointment of 2004", and the nominees are: The kiss in the JN ep with the MacBeth play, abruptly not showing the wedding at the end of [[RP, "The Big Day"]], the postponement of the new season of MLaaTR, the lack of Helga and Gerald in [[HA!, "Phoebe's Little Problem"]], Noelle's refusal to dig up Polly's time capsule in [[ATBG, "No Turning Back"]], and the removal of Ginger from the main Nick schedules. The winner: the removal of Ginger. Lois Foutley accepts the prize and complains at the podium: "First they won't make more episodes about my new life with Dr. Dave, and now this? I don't normally say this, but: shame on you, Nick."
Next on stage is Sandy Cheeks, of SpongeBob fame. She's the only SB cast member attending, because of, well, the underwater nature of the show. The category is "Best Moment of 2004", and it's a completely Klasky-Csupo category, as the nominees are: Eliza's kiss at the end of [[TWT, "Eliza Unplugged"]], the Valentine's Dance in [[AGU!, "It's Cupid, Stupid"]], Angelica's 13th birthday party, the rescue in [[RP, "Island of the Menehune"]], the run-in with Daniel Stark in [[RP, "The Big Day"]], and the flash forward at the end of the DVD ep of [[Ginger, "The Wedding Frame"]]. And the Daniel Stark incident gives RP another win. This time, Sam Dullard is out to accept the trophy, making a wry comment: "Next thing you know, they'll be awarding us for quitting ZGZ or something."
When the Squid's done with his speech, we take a break from the presentation, and head over to Chet Ubetcha [Fairly OddParents] in the cheap seats to hear what fans have to say. One fan comments thusly: "I was one of those who was disappointed with 'The Big Day' because of the absence of a wedding ceremony. Kind of pointless, IMO, to show all the planning but not the ceremony itself." Technically, they did show Ray and Noelani entering the ceremony on surfboards, but yeah, what he said. Anyways, he contiunues, "I am glad, on the other hand, to see that RP won Best Moment and Best Guest. Everyone was very pleased with what K-C and Nickelodeon did for Daniel, although a bigger part would have been even better." We then head to someone who apparently came all the way from Mexico. Talk about your dedication... Anyways, he says, "I wouldn't have much to say; but I'm glad that, in the end, it was true that KC included Daniel Stark in one of the eps. In spite of the sort of disappointingly small part Daniel had in the movie, it was inspiring to see that a very brave and special kid saw his dream come true." Another fan has his own opinions on the Best Guest category, but not on the winner: "It was interesting at the very least to see Timmy Turner revealed as a resistance fighter from a dystopian future, and it was wise to have him played by an experienced leading-male like Baldwin."
Back to the stage. Tommy introduces the next presenter. "She's hot, she's pop, she's in her teens... but she's not as bossy as someone I know. (Insert shot of Angelica groaning here.) From As Told By Ginger, Courtney Gripling." Courtney's presenting the next two categories: "Worst Ep of 2004" and the "Best Ep" counterpart. First up is the "Worst Ep" category. The episodes that received votes were: from All Grown Up!, "Izzy or Isn't He?", from Danny Phantom, "Splitting Images", from Fairly OddParents, "Baby Face", "Class Clown", "Homewrecker", "Mr. Right", "Odd Couple", "Shelf Life" and "Who's Your Daddy?", from Hey Arnold!, "Phoebe's Little Problem", and from SpongeBob, "SpongeBob BC". Surprisingly, the loser is *not* an ep of FOP. "SpongeBob BC" takes this one in a landslide, and while Timmy Turner is breathing a sigh of relief, Sandy comes out on stage looking a bit disappointed. "After all that hard work, this is all y'all is giving us? Y'all must be nuts here..."
After Sandy's speech, she leaves the stage in a huff, and Courtney moves on to the "Best Ep" category. The episodes that received votes were: from All Grown Up!, "The Finster Who Stole Christmas", "Lucky 13", "Miss Nose It All", and "Saving Cynthia", from Danny Phantom, "One of a Kind", "Parental Bonding" and "What You Want", from Hey Arnold!, "Grandpa's Packard", from Rocket Power, "Island of the Menehune", and from Thornberrys, "Eliza Unplugged". And Rocket Power takes its third prize of the evening with "Island". Reggie comes out and makes a great speech about her love for her old mom and her new one... and surfing. She closes by devoting this award to "my best buds Trish, Sherry, Carla and Lizzie, and both my moms. Love you all!"
Tucker from Danny Phantom is your next presenter, and he shows up with a knife stuck in his back. Seriously... not. "It's just a prop." Gee, nice joke there Tucker, but at least it's an okay segue into the next category: Most Painful Backstab, huh? Again... not. I doubt that none of the laughter was forced... Nominees, after he throws away the prop knife (hey, you better not hit someone with that): Dodie and Macie, [[Ginger, "Wicked Game"]]. Gerald, [[Hey Arnold!, "Arnold's Valentine"]]. Tommy, [[AGU!, "It's Cupid, Stupid"]]. Tommy again, [[AGU!, "Truth or Consequences"]]. And to round out the noms, Tommy again, [[AGU!, "Tweenage Tycoons"]]. Now hold on, the other backstabs I can understand. But Gerald? I guess whoever nominated that one wanted to see something between Arnold and Cecile real bad.
Anyways, Tommy is a bit fidgety, and that's understandable. But anyways, Dodie and Macie win this one, and Macie is alone at the podium, because Dodie is preparing to present the next award. Anyways, she makes an attempt to justify her attempt to keep Ginger away from Darren, adding "I know we're best friends, Ginger, but why not spend some time with us?" Nice one.
And now, Dodie. She opens with, "You heard what Macie said, Ginger?" Moving straight along, she talks about her relationship with her brother Robert aka Hoodsey, and how well (or not) they get along. This leads into the "Outstanding Sibling Rivalry" category. Noms: Doug and Judy. Twister and Lars. Vicky and Tootie. Stu and Drew. Gerald, Timberly and Jamie. Helga and Olga. Doug takes this one, and if Dodie's jaw could drop to the ground, it probably would. Since he's not here, Nick's accepting it on his behalf.
With that, we head over to the cheap seats again. One fan comments on the Backstab category: "Look at the list. It's mostly Tommy. He did alot of wrong things in AGU." On the winning backstab, another fan has just these three words to say: "That was evil!" A comment on "SpongeBob BC" winning Worst Ep of 2004: "Totally pointless. But then, it is Spongebob."
Back to the awards. "Presenting the next two awards are three great principals. ... Okay, maybe only one of them is great. Our very own Slambang Pangborn, Mr. Wartz from Hey Arnold!, and Mrs. Vickers from Fairly OddParents." The best bit of their banter (say that three times fast!): (Pangborn) "We keep our worst students under our thumbs." (Wartz, pointing to Pangborn) "In his case, a spinning headlock." But, as Vickers says, besides great principals, there are also great teachers... and not so great teachers. The first one is devoted to the latter. The noms for The Rotten Apple are Crocker, Bitters, Wilter and Lancer. Wartz opens the envelope... and gives it to Vickers so she can call up Crocker. After he takes his wooden apple trophy, he makes the claim that fairy godparents must have voted for him. So what else is new, Denzel?
The principals stay around to present The Golden Apple. Nominees: Simmons, Slovak, O'Keats, Beaker, Blanc, Zorski, Gordon and Fowl. So among the three, they know half of the nominees. So I guess it's not surprising that when Wartz opens the envelope, he then tells Simmons to "come on up!" The crowd goes into a standing ovation as Simmons accepts his golden apple with: "I've spoken so much about how everyone is special, just like this award here, so let me say something else for a change: This is going to go so well with my Teacher of the Year trophy!" [HA!, "Day in the Life..."]
Tommy tells the next presenter: "Don't make a jerk out of yourself, Angelica." Angelica Pickles says, "I've taken great care of my Fluffy for 9 years, which is better than can be said for my cousin and his Spike. Or for that matter, these guys, one of whom couldn't keep their pet for even 9 seconds." Competing for The "Not Much Luck With Pets" Award are: Eugene Horowitz [HA!, "Eugene's Pet"], surname-less wallaby Rocko, Chuckie Finster [Rugrats, "I Remember Melville"], and ... "Mrs. O'Keats? Someone actually nominated her for that poem about her Christmas puppy?" [AGU!, "Chuckie's in Love"]
Your winner: Eugene. He comes up slightly depressed, and slightly bruised. Apparently, he must have found out that Angel actually got swallowed right when Arnold adopted it for him. Anyways, he says, "You'll have to excuse me, I tripped onto this hard floor on my way up here." Anyways, his speech is all about the fact that no matter how well you take care of a pet or how safe you keep it, sometimes, it'll just kick the bucket no matter what. Apparently, he knows this all too well.
Cindy Vortex is the next presenter. The best tidbit of her introduction: "The programming department at Nick isn't exactly a bunch of geniuses." The joke is that this is coming from the smartest kid on her show whose name isn't [[Jimmy Neutron]]. It's the "Path Not Taken" award, and apparently, it's for shows that were cut down just as they were making some sort of character development. Your noms are: Debbie and Eliza's bonding on Thornberrys, Lois' marriage to Dr. Dave on Ginger, Ray's marriage to Noelani on RP, and Arnold finding the map on HA!, and in a landslide, the surname-less boy from Hillwood takes HA!'s 2nd prize of the evening. Arnold rants on and on about how so much had been set up to give his show proper closure and set up the reveal for his surname, and chastises Nick for knocking down the whole set up. And for knocking down the planned spinoff, while they were at it.
Once again, the peanut gallery has their say. Crocker is described by one fan as "so creepy looking and he gives F's for no reason.But it is funny when he gives F's especially to Timmy", and another as "the poster boy for Prozac." The latter also adds: "I've been lucky to have, or pick, good and fair teachers, and would have enjoyed having a teacher like Conroy." Another fan complains about the "Path Not Taken" winner: "It took forever for me to finally see the ep, and then they just stop off there, leaving all of us HA fans hanging and no more info in ref to Arnold's family. So that definitely gets my vote."
Tommy introduces the first non-Nicktoon presenters this evening: "The Thornberrys travel around the world to film animals. These guys traveled around the world to win money. Marshall and Lance, The Amazing Race's 5th season."
Lance is helping Marshall to the podium. Apparently, ever since they ran The Amazing Race, Marshall's knees haven't exactly been the best. They make a short speech on the joys of traveling, which soon segues into a speech that keeps hammering in the point that they were the first ever *quitters* on the Race, and they then make some snarky comments on how the next award is actually named for them. "The Marshall and Lance Memorial Award for The Biggest Quitter? Why not just call it The Osten?" (Are there any Survivor fans around here???) The nominees are Doug and Skeeter (for quitting a go-kart race), Helga (for replacing herself with Phoebe for a citywide quiz in [[HA!, "Phoebe Takes The Fall"]]), Reggie (for quitting a triathlon in [[RP, "Rainy Days and Sundaes"]]), Susie (for not participating in a singing contest in [[AGU!, "Runaround Susie"]]), and Otto, Sam and Twister (for quitting ZGZ in [[RP, "The Big Day"]]). And the Osten goes to... Otto, Sam and Twister. The first thing Sam says: "I was hoping I hadn't just jinxed us back there..." Obviously, this is referring to when he accepted the award for Best Moment. The others have a beef about quitting: Twister mentions that "it's not every day we get to go up against Lars as an opponent," which prompts Otto to correct him: "Actually dude, we do compete against Lars just about every day. Just not in a major skating contest like this." He also add that he "didn't want to go through the disappointment of losing another shot to play the pros"... referring to the events of ["Power Play"], and the fact that two weeks' training with Shaun White (nominated earlier for Best Guest) was the prize at the ZGZ event. Squid talks about how no matter what excuse you have to quit, it doesn't make quitting any easier to swallow. Everyone had their excuses for quitting, but I'll save them for their respective recaps.
After the quitters are done, presenting the next two awards are the only other non-Nicktoons presenters. The Queer Eye guys say some crap about their queer makeovers and stuff, before seguing into the first of their awards, "Outstanding Hairstyle Change". Noms: Ginger Foutley (her ["Far From Home"] 'do), Lil DeVille, Kimi Finster (their season 2 'dos), Eliza Thornberry (her ["Eliza Unplugged"] 'do), and Cindy Vortex (her single pigtail, as opposed to the double pigtail in the opening movie).
And we have our first tie of the evening, with Ginger and Eliza both winning. Ginger is the first to have her speech: Apparently, she never expected a 'do that she made on a lark with her roommates at art school, and one that lasted only a few weeks to boot, would actually take the prize. Eliza goes up next, and has a speech about her relationship with her sister, probably pre-written in case she'd won "Path Not Taken" earlier. After mentioning that neither of the them is still wearing their new 'do, she closes with "Shane G, wherever you are, this one's for you."
Moving along, one of the guys says, "Of course, if you've got a great hairstyle, we don't wanna touch it." It's "Best Hairstyle", and nominees are: Arnold, Gerald, Nadine, Jimmy, Helga, Ginger and Eliza. No double dip for either of the last two, though, because the ice-cream head boy Jimmy takes this one. Jimmy is showing off his attempt at a new invention, a shirt that doubles as a video player. Yeah, like that's gonna catch on. And his attempt to pun his ice-cream 'do as being the coolest also falls flat, because, let's face it, Carl or Sheen would be more suited to make a joke like this.
Tommy is with his best bud Chuckie Finster: "And now, presenting the next award... us. Didn't see that one coming, huh?" This segues so subtly into the nominations for "Biggest Surprise". The two don't go into details on what got these eps nominated, which is understandable, so I had to look them up myself online. The nominees are: [[RP, "Power Play"]] (of course, it's Otto and gang being denied the exhibition game with NHL pros), [[RP, "Island of the Menehune"]] (Breezy's involvement with Ray suddenly becoming pointless), [[HA!, "Gerald Vs. Jamie O"]] (Gerald going out with Chloe... with Phoebe nowhere to be seen), [[ATBG, "No Hope For Courtney"]] (two words: dead Gordo), [[HA!, "Arnold Betrays Iggy"]] (the infamous "bunny PJs" downer ending), [[FOP, "Secret Origin of Denzel Crocker"]] (four words: Timmy Turner is responsible), [[SB, "Plankton's Army"]] (two words: plankton burgers), the whole of [[Danny Phantom]] (the actual existence of character development, and Jazz finding out), [[HA!, "Grandpa's Packard"]] (three words: thief in drag), [[AGU!, "Interview with a Campfire"]] (four words: the *late* great Bean), [[AGU!, "Thief Encounter"]] (three words: Tommy steals things), and [[AGU!, "The Finster Who Stole Christmas"]] (four words: Where's Angelica? In Aspen).
And if you thought a two-way tie wasn't enough, holy cow, we have a three way tie. "Island", "Secret Origin", and "No Hope" are all winners. First to go up are Carl and Hoodsey. For reasons that are obvious, they devote the award to Gordo, and also throw in another devotion to new teacher Mr. Hepper. Next is Timmy Turner, whose speech can be summed up as: "Whenever anything bad happens around Dimsdale, don't blame me!" Last is Ray Rocket, who personally didn't see his show's big surprise coming, but is dedicating the award to his new wife as well as Breezy. The winners, apparently, must have been told to keep the surprises hush-hush.
Back to Chet in the peanut gallery. The guy who complained about the wedding-less "Big Day" says of the same RP ep winning the Osten: "I dunno if I would qualify that, because they shouldn't have been there in the first place. The wedding should have taken preference over the skating competition. Otto, unfortunately, had his priorities mixed up. Probably also had to do with the impending emotions of having a new mother." To me, it sounded more like Otto wanted to compete so he could win to make up for his "Power Play" loss, but hey, what he said.
The presenters for the next two categories are Noelani Makani and Kira Finster, apparently to tie in with the parental theme. The next category is light on the nominees... we have a grand total of 2 nominees for "Worst Parents or Parental Figures", both "proper" pairs: Bob and Miriam Pataki and the Turner parents. The Pataki parents take this one, and Miriam's speech is pretty slurry... did she have one too many smoothies at the banquet dinner? Anyways, she apparently has no idea where we got the idea that she's a bad parent. To that I say, wake up and smell the coffee... or are you already addicted to that?
The "Best" counterpart, in contrast, boasts variety. 3 single parents: their husbands Ray and Chazz, plus Lois Foutley; 4 pairs of "standard" parents: Stu and Didi Pickles, Nigel and Marianne Thornberry, Hugh and Judy Neutron, and Jack and Maddie Fenton; 2 married couples who aren't parents per se: Arnold's grandparents, and Cosmo and Wanda; and a single parental figure: Wakeman. After slogging through all that, it's a win for Lois. She's devoting it to her children and all the workers at the hospital, especially David. By which she means her new spouse, and one of the "Path Not Taken" nominees.
Deborah Thornberry is next. After a long whine about how she never gets to live the life she thinks she deserves (whether it be listening to her fave teen idols [TWT, "Vacant Lot"] or having a Valentine's date [TWT, "Operation Valentine"]), she's told to get into the actual category. "Most Tasteless Episode? Who comes up with these things?" I don't know if she's talking about the category, or the episodes themselves, but anyway: HA!'s "Phoebe's Little Problem" (cue brief shot of a sulking Phoebe), Ren and Stimpy's "Stimpy's First Fart", SB's "Karate Choppers" and "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" eps, FOP's "That's Life", and Zim's "Most Horrible Xmas" and "Dark Harvest". And it's the third tie of the evening: "Phoebe" and "Mermaid Man" win this one. First up is Phoebe, who complains how unfair it is that it's still among one of her most notable moments of the series, and adds: "There IS more to me than that one moment, don't you know?" Sandy, once again, is not really amused, and wonders how the Mermaid Man eps are tasteless.
Gerald is the next presenter, who blabs on about how "commerce always wins over art... especially when it comes to Nick's hype machine." The noms for "Most Overrated Episode" are: "Helga on the Couch" from HA!, "Race Across New Zealand" from RP, and "SpongeBob BC", "Plankton's Army" and "SpongeBob Meets The Strangler", all from SB. "SpongeBob BC" takes this one, and this time, Sandy doesn't even bother to come on stage, so Nick's accepting the award on SB's behalf.
To end the proceedings, it's another hometown presenter, Susie, to present both holiday episode categories. The first is the Worst category, and there are just two eps with votes: "Stimpy's First Fart" from Ren and Stimpy, and "Christmas Every Day" from FOP. Stimpy wins this one, and due to R&S's absence, Nick is once again accepting it on their behalf.
And the last category is the Best one. The voted eps here also appear to have a Christmas bias, with TWT's "Operation Valentine" being the only non December ep voted for. The others are Arnold's Christmas from HA!, MLaaTR's Christmas, and "The Santa Experience" from Rugrats. Arnold's Christmas wins this one, and Helga gets a turn at the podium to tell the crowd that everyone on the show had to make "certain sacrifices" to make the story possible... "And let's just say that my parents certainly don't approve of mine."
With that, Tommy comes back on stage to close the show, so, time for one last peanut gallery commentary, this time, at the exit. One fan has opinions on both winning holiday eps. On Arnold's Christmas: "It really showed the true meaning of Christmas, ya know? How one should be kind and generous and how it's better to give than to receive, which Helga showed." As for "Stimpy's First Fart": "I honestly couldn't think of an especially bad special for a Nicktoon, 'cept for this one." Some lady is complaining bitterly about the results that saw SpongeBob take home three awards... all "mean" ones: "These are based on like twelve people's votes." Some guy complains loudly about the lack of continuity between the Mermaid Man eps: "How on earth did the Dirty Bubble reappear if SpongeBob POPPED him from the second Mermaid Man and Barnicle Boy episode?! And Man Ray?! I thought he reformed?!" Lastly, another is repeatedly moaning "Overated, Tasteless, and Worst" over and over. A die-hard SB fan, apparently.
Well, that's it. Have a nice rest of 2005!
So, we're at the Wombat Hall [All Grown Up!] where Nicktoon stars, well, most of the modern ones anyway, are getting themselves seated. And now, out comes our MC for the evening: hometown boy Tommy Pickles. After some applause, Pickles introduces a special opening film for this awards show titled "The Great Monster Hunt", produced by Pickles himself.
To wit: It's June 2004, and a reward is being put up for actual video footage of a monster. Dil Pickles teams up with his online buddy, Carl Foutley, to get the prize, and their older siblings Tommy and Ginger (who have enlisted the help of Eliza Thornberry to track them down) meet up with Gerald Johanssen, Nick Dean, Twister Rodriguez, and the Rocket siblings (in town for a skateboarding competition) for a scary and hilarious adventure, if "scary and hilarious" meant "ridiculously contrived". Well, it was funny, but there's gotta be a better way to have an excuse to feature as many Nicktoons as possible. Especially with the skateboarding contest, and Jimmy Neutron and Jack Fenton coming out of nowhere to test their latest inventions for catching monsters. Sheesh.
After the film is over, there is applause, some of it clearly forced. Anyways, Tommy introduces the first presenter, "Smart, sassy, and full of air. Phoebe Hyerdahl of Hey Arnold!" After taking a minor swipe at Tommy for recalling her farting incident [HA!, "Phoebe's Little Problem"], Phoebe introduces the first award. It's "Best Guest of 2004", and it honors (duh!) the best guest of 2004. The nominations are Daniel Stark, Shaun White, and Mommi Makani from [[Rocket Power, "The Big Day"]], Tim Allen and Alyssa Milano from [[Jimmy Neutron, "Win, Lose, and Ka-Boom!"]], Alec Baldwin from [[FOP, "Channel Chasers"]], Carla from [[Rocket Power, "New Girl On The Block"]], Lil Romeo from [[All Grown Up!, "It's Cupid, Stupid"]], and the late great Bean from [[AGU!, "Interview with a Campfire"]]. Your winner: Daniel Stark. In retrospect, it just doesn't seem right that he wins the prize for all of 30 seconds' work, as opposed to the rest, who put in at least 30 minutes' work each (except Carla, who was in a 10 minute short). Anyways, he apparently isn't here today, so to accept the award on his behalf is Otto Rocket. He puts out a short speech, congratulating Daniel on the great snowboarding he showed off in his brief 30 seconds of screen time. He also mentions the leukemia Stark recovered from, and wishes him a complete recovery.
Moving along, Chester McBadbat from The Fairly OddParents introduces the next award. "We can't always get what we want, and we sometimes get what we don't want. I dunno why, but our friend Timmy should learn this..." Was that even a joke? Anyways, it's "Biggest Disappointment of 2004", and the nominees are: The kiss in the JN ep with the MacBeth play, abruptly not showing the wedding at the end of [[RP, "The Big Day"]], the postponement of the new season of MLaaTR, the lack of Helga and Gerald in [[HA!, "Phoebe's Little Problem"]], Noelle's refusal to dig up Polly's time capsule in [[ATBG, "No Turning Back"]], and the removal of Ginger from the main Nick schedules. The winner: the removal of Ginger. Lois Foutley accepts the prize and complains at the podium: "First they won't make more episodes about my new life with Dr. Dave, and now this? I don't normally say this, but: shame on you, Nick."
Next on stage is Sandy Cheeks, of SpongeBob fame. She's the only SB cast member attending, because of, well, the underwater nature of the show. The category is "Best Moment of 2004", and it's a completely Klasky-Csupo category, as the nominees are: Eliza's kiss at the end of [[TWT, "Eliza Unplugged"]], the Valentine's Dance in [[AGU!, "It's Cupid, Stupid"]], Angelica's 13th birthday party, the rescue in [[RP, "Island of the Menehune"]], the run-in with Daniel Stark in [[RP, "The Big Day"]], and the flash forward at the end of the DVD ep of [[Ginger, "The Wedding Frame"]]. And the Daniel Stark incident gives RP another win. This time, Sam Dullard is out to accept the trophy, making a wry comment: "Next thing you know, they'll be awarding us for quitting ZGZ or something."
When the Squid's done with his speech, we take a break from the presentation, and head over to Chet Ubetcha [Fairly OddParents] in the cheap seats to hear what fans have to say. One fan comments thusly: "I was one of those who was disappointed with 'The Big Day' because of the absence of a wedding ceremony. Kind of pointless, IMO, to show all the planning but not the ceremony itself." Technically, they did show Ray and Noelani entering the ceremony on surfboards, but yeah, what he said. Anyways, he contiunues, "I am glad, on the other hand, to see that RP won Best Moment and Best Guest. Everyone was very pleased with what K-C and Nickelodeon did for Daniel, although a bigger part would have been even better." We then head to someone who apparently came all the way from Mexico. Talk about your dedication... Anyways, he says, "I wouldn't have much to say; but I'm glad that, in the end, it was true that KC included Daniel Stark in one of the eps. In spite of the sort of disappointingly small part Daniel had in the movie, it was inspiring to see that a very brave and special kid saw his dream come true." Another fan has his own opinions on the Best Guest category, but not on the winner: "It was interesting at the very least to see Timmy Turner revealed as a resistance fighter from a dystopian future, and it was wise to have him played by an experienced leading-male like Baldwin."
Back to the stage. Tommy introduces the next presenter. "She's hot, she's pop, she's in her teens... but she's not as bossy as someone I know. (Insert shot of Angelica groaning here.) From As Told By Ginger, Courtney Gripling." Courtney's presenting the next two categories: "Worst Ep of 2004" and the "Best Ep" counterpart. First up is the "Worst Ep" category. The episodes that received votes were: from All Grown Up!, "Izzy or Isn't He?", from Danny Phantom, "Splitting Images", from Fairly OddParents, "Baby Face", "Class Clown", "Homewrecker", "Mr. Right", "Odd Couple", "Shelf Life" and "Who's Your Daddy?", from Hey Arnold!, "Phoebe's Little Problem", and from SpongeBob, "SpongeBob BC". Surprisingly, the loser is *not* an ep of FOP. "SpongeBob BC" takes this one in a landslide, and while Timmy Turner is breathing a sigh of relief, Sandy comes out on stage looking a bit disappointed. "After all that hard work, this is all y'all is giving us? Y'all must be nuts here..."
After Sandy's speech, she leaves the stage in a huff, and Courtney moves on to the "Best Ep" category. The episodes that received votes were: from All Grown Up!, "The Finster Who Stole Christmas", "Lucky 13", "Miss Nose It All", and "Saving Cynthia", from Danny Phantom, "One of a Kind", "Parental Bonding" and "What You Want", from Hey Arnold!, "Grandpa's Packard", from Rocket Power, "Island of the Menehune", and from Thornberrys, "Eliza Unplugged". And Rocket Power takes its third prize of the evening with "Island". Reggie comes out and makes a great speech about her love for her old mom and her new one... and surfing. She closes by devoting this award to "my best buds Trish, Sherry, Carla and Lizzie, and both my moms. Love you all!"
Tucker from Danny Phantom is your next presenter, and he shows up with a knife stuck in his back. Seriously... not. "It's just a prop." Gee, nice joke there Tucker, but at least it's an okay segue into the next category: Most Painful Backstab, huh? Again... not. I doubt that none of the laughter was forced... Nominees, after he throws away the prop knife (hey, you better not hit someone with that): Dodie and Macie, [[Ginger, "Wicked Game"]]. Gerald, [[Hey Arnold!, "Arnold's Valentine"]]. Tommy, [[AGU!, "It's Cupid, Stupid"]]. Tommy again, [[AGU!, "Truth or Consequences"]]. And to round out the noms, Tommy again, [[AGU!, "Tweenage Tycoons"]]. Now hold on, the other backstabs I can understand. But Gerald? I guess whoever nominated that one wanted to see something between Arnold and Cecile real bad.
Anyways, Tommy is a bit fidgety, and that's understandable. But anyways, Dodie and Macie win this one, and Macie is alone at the podium, because Dodie is preparing to present the next award. Anyways, she makes an attempt to justify her attempt to keep Ginger away from Darren, adding "I know we're best friends, Ginger, but why not spend some time with us?" Nice one.
And now, Dodie. She opens with, "You heard what Macie said, Ginger?" Moving straight along, she talks about her relationship with her brother Robert aka Hoodsey, and how well (or not) they get along. This leads into the "Outstanding Sibling Rivalry" category. Noms: Doug and Judy. Twister and Lars. Vicky and Tootie. Stu and Drew. Gerald, Timberly and Jamie. Helga and Olga. Doug takes this one, and if Dodie's jaw could drop to the ground, it probably would. Since he's not here, Nick's accepting it on his behalf.
With that, we head over to the cheap seats again. One fan comments on the Backstab category: "Look at the list. It's mostly Tommy. He did alot of wrong things in AGU." On the winning backstab, another fan has just these three words to say: "That was evil!" A comment on "SpongeBob BC" winning Worst Ep of 2004: "Totally pointless. But then, it is Spongebob."
Back to the awards. "Presenting the next two awards are three great principals. ... Okay, maybe only one of them is great. Our very own Slambang Pangborn, Mr. Wartz from Hey Arnold!, and Mrs. Vickers from Fairly OddParents." The best bit of their banter (say that three times fast!): (Pangborn) "We keep our worst students under our thumbs." (Wartz, pointing to Pangborn) "In his case, a spinning headlock." But, as Vickers says, besides great principals, there are also great teachers... and not so great teachers. The first one is devoted to the latter. The noms for The Rotten Apple are Crocker, Bitters, Wilter and Lancer. Wartz opens the envelope... and gives it to Vickers so she can call up Crocker. After he takes his wooden apple trophy, he makes the claim that fairy godparents must have voted for him. So what else is new, Denzel?
The principals stay around to present The Golden Apple. Nominees: Simmons, Slovak, O'Keats, Beaker, Blanc, Zorski, Gordon and Fowl. So among the three, they know half of the nominees. So I guess it's not surprising that when Wartz opens the envelope, he then tells Simmons to "come on up!" The crowd goes into a standing ovation as Simmons accepts his golden apple with: "I've spoken so much about how everyone is special, just like this award here, so let me say something else for a change: This is going to go so well with my Teacher of the Year trophy!" [HA!, "Day in the Life..."]
Tommy tells the next presenter: "Don't make a jerk out of yourself, Angelica." Angelica Pickles says, "I've taken great care of my Fluffy for 9 years, which is better than can be said for my cousin and his Spike. Or for that matter, these guys, one of whom couldn't keep their pet for even 9 seconds." Competing for The "Not Much Luck With Pets" Award are: Eugene Horowitz [HA!, "Eugene's Pet"], surname-less wallaby Rocko, Chuckie Finster [Rugrats, "I Remember Melville"], and ... "Mrs. O'Keats? Someone actually nominated her for that poem about her Christmas puppy?" [AGU!, "Chuckie's in Love"]
Your winner: Eugene. He comes up slightly depressed, and slightly bruised. Apparently, he must have found out that Angel actually got swallowed right when Arnold adopted it for him. Anyways, he says, "You'll have to excuse me, I tripped onto this hard floor on my way up here." Anyways, his speech is all about the fact that no matter how well you take care of a pet or how safe you keep it, sometimes, it'll just kick the bucket no matter what. Apparently, he knows this all too well.
Cindy Vortex is the next presenter. The best tidbit of her introduction: "The programming department at Nick isn't exactly a bunch of geniuses." The joke is that this is coming from the smartest kid on her show whose name isn't [[Jimmy Neutron]]. It's the "Path Not Taken" award, and apparently, it's for shows that were cut down just as they were making some sort of character development. Your noms are: Debbie and Eliza's bonding on Thornberrys, Lois' marriage to Dr. Dave on Ginger, Ray's marriage to Noelani on RP, and Arnold finding the map on HA!, and in a landslide, the surname-less boy from Hillwood takes HA!'s 2nd prize of the evening. Arnold rants on and on about how so much had been set up to give his show proper closure and set up the reveal for his surname, and chastises Nick for knocking down the whole set up. And for knocking down the planned spinoff, while they were at it.
Once again, the peanut gallery has their say. Crocker is described by one fan as "so creepy looking and he gives F's for no reason.But it is funny when he gives F's especially to Timmy", and another as "the poster boy for Prozac." The latter also adds: "I've been lucky to have, or pick, good and fair teachers, and would have enjoyed having a teacher like Conroy." Another fan complains about the "Path Not Taken" winner: "It took forever for me to finally see the ep, and then they just stop off there, leaving all of us HA fans hanging and no more info in ref to Arnold's family. So that definitely gets my vote."
Tommy introduces the first non-Nicktoon presenters this evening: "The Thornberrys travel around the world to film animals. These guys traveled around the world to win money. Marshall and Lance, The Amazing Race's 5th season."
Lance is helping Marshall to the podium. Apparently, ever since they ran The Amazing Race, Marshall's knees haven't exactly been the best. They make a short speech on the joys of traveling, which soon segues into a speech that keeps hammering in the point that they were the first ever *quitters* on the Race, and they then make some snarky comments on how the next award is actually named for them. "The Marshall and Lance Memorial Award for The Biggest Quitter? Why not just call it The Osten?" (Are there any Survivor fans around here???) The nominees are Doug and Skeeter (for quitting a go-kart race), Helga (for replacing herself with Phoebe for a citywide quiz in [[HA!, "Phoebe Takes The Fall"]]), Reggie (for quitting a triathlon in [[RP, "Rainy Days and Sundaes"]]), Susie (for not participating in a singing contest in [[AGU!, "Runaround Susie"]]), and Otto, Sam and Twister (for quitting ZGZ in [[RP, "The Big Day"]]). And the Osten goes to... Otto, Sam and Twister. The first thing Sam says: "I was hoping I hadn't just jinxed us back there..." Obviously, this is referring to when he accepted the award for Best Moment. The others have a beef about quitting: Twister mentions that "it's not every day we get to go up against Lars as an opponent," which prompts Otto to correct him: "Actually dude, we do compete against Lars just about every day. Just not in a major skating contest like this." He also add that he "didn't want to go through the disappointment of losing another shot to play the pros"... referring to the events of ["Power Play"], and the fact that two weeks' training with Shaun White (nominated earlier for Best Guest) was the prize at the ZGZ event. Squid talks about how no matter what excuse you have to quit, it doesn't make quitting any easier to swallow. Everyone had their excuses for quitting, but I'll save them for their respective recaps.
After the quitters are done, presenting the next two awards are the only other non-Nicktoons presenters. The Queer Eye guys say some crap about their queer makeovers and stuff, before seguing into the first of their awards, "Outstanding Hairstyle Change". Noms: Ginger Foutley (her ["Far From Home"] 'do), Lil DeVille, Kimi Finster (their season 2 'dos), Eliza Thornberry (her ["Eliza Unplugged"] 'do), and Cindy Vortex (her single pigtail, as opposed to the double pigtail in the opening movie).
And we have our first tie of the evening, with Ginger and Eliza both winning. Ginger is the first to have her speech: Apparently, she never expected a 'do that she made on a lark with her roommates at art school, and one that lasted only a few weeks to boot, would actually take the prize. Eliza goes up next, and has a speech about her relationship with her sister, probably pre-written in case she'd won "Path Not Taken" earlier. After mentioning that neither of the them is still wearing their new 'do, she closes with "Shane G, wherever you are, this one's for you."
Moving along, one of the guys says, "Of course, if you've got a great hairstyle, we don't wanna touch it." It's "Best Hairstyle", and nominees are: Arnold, Gerald, Nadine, Jimmy, Helga, Ginger and Eliza. No double dip for either of the last two, though, because the ice-cream head boy Jimmy takes this one. Jimmy is showing off his attempt at a new invention, a shirt that doubles as a video player. Yeah, like that's gonna catch on. And his attempt to pun his ice-cream 'do as being the coolest also falls flat, because, let's face it, Carl or Sheen would be more suited to make a joke like this.
Tommy is with his best bud Chuckie Finster: "And now, presenting the next award... us. Didn't see that one coming, huh?" This segues so subtly into the nominations for "Biggest Surprise". The two don't go into details on what got these eps nominated, which is understandable, so I had to look them up myself online. The nominees are: [[RP, "Power Play"]] (of course, it's Otto and gang being denied the exhibition game with NHL pros), [[RP, "Island of the Menehune"]] (Breezy's involvement with Ray suddenly becoming pointless), [[HA!, "Gerald Vs. Jamie O"]] (Gerald going out with Chloe... with Phoebe nowhere to be seen), [[ATBG, "No Hope For Courtney"]] (two words: dead Gordo), [[HA!, "Arnold Betrays Iggy"]] (the infamous "bunny PJs" downer ending), [[FOP, "Secret Origin of Denzel Crocker"]] (four words: Timmy Turner is responsible), [[SB, "Plankton's Army"]] (two words: plankton burgers), the whole of [[Danny Phantom]] (the actual existence of character development, and Jazz finding out), [[HA!, "Grandpa's Packard"]] (three words: thief in drag), [[AGU!, "Interview with a Campfire"]] (four words: the *late* great Bean), [[AGU!, "Thief Encounter"]] (three words: Tommy steals things), and [[AGU!, "The Finster Who Stole Christmas"]] (four words: Where's Angelica? In Aspen).
And if you thought a two-way tie wasn't enough, holy cow, we have a three way tie. "Island", "Secret Origin", and "No Hope" are all winners. First to go up are Carl and Hoodsey. For reasons that are obvious, they devote the award to Gordo, and also throw in another devotion to new teacher Mr. Hepper. Next is Timmy Turner, whose speech can be summed up as: "Whenever anything bad happens around Dimsdale, don't blame me!" Last is Ray Rocket, who personally didn't see his show's big surprise coming, but is dedicating the award to his new wife as well as Breezy. The winners, apparently, must have been told to keep the surprises hush-hush.
Back to Chet in the peanut gallery. The guy who complained about the wedding-less "Big Day" says of the same RP ep winning the Osten: "I dunno if I would qualify that, because they shouldn't have been there in the first place. The wedding should have taken preference over the skating competition. Otto, unfortunately, had his priorities mixed up. Probably also had to do with the impending emotions of having a new mother." To me, it sounded more like Otto wanted to compete so he could win to make up for his "Power Play" loss, but hey, what he said.
The presenters for the next two categories are Noelani Makani and Kira Finster, apparently to tie in with the parental theme. The next category is light on the nominees... we have a grand total of 2 nominees for "Worst Parents or Parental Figures", both "proper" pairs: Bob and Miriam Pataki and the Turner parents. The Pataki parents take this one, and Miriam's speech is pretty slurry... did she have one too many smoothies at the banquet dinner? Anyways, she apparently has no idea where we got the idea that she's a bad parent. To that I say, wake up and smell the coffee... or are you already addicted to that?
The "Best" counterpart, in contrast, boasts variety. 3 single parents: their husbands Ray and Chazz, plus Lois Foutley; 4 pairs of "standard" parents: Stu and Didi Pickles, Nigel and Marianne Thornberry, Hugh and Judy Neutron, and Jack and Maddie Fenton; 2 married couples who aren't parents per se: Arnold's grandparents, and Cosmo and Wanda; and a single parental figure: Wakeman. After slogging through all that, it's a win for Lois. She's devoting it to her children and all the workers at the hospital, especially David. By which she means her new spouse, and one of the "Path Not Taken" nominees.
Deborah Thornberry is next. After a long whine about how she never gets to live the life she thinks she deserves (whether it be listening to her fave teen idols [TWT, "Vacant Lot"] or having a Valentine's date [TWT, "Operation Valentine"]), she's told to get into the actual category. "Most Tasteless Episode? Who comes up with these things?" I don't know if she's talking about the category, or the episodes themselves, but anyway: HA!'s "Phoebe's Little Problem" (cue brief shot of a sulking Phoebe), Ren and Stimpy's "Stimpy's First Fart", SB's "Karate Choppers" and "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" eps, FOP's "That's Life", and Zim's "Most Horrible Xmas" and "Dark Harvest". And it's the third tie of the evening: "Phoebe" and "Mermaid Man" win this one. First up is Phoebe, who complains how unfair it is that it's still among one of her most notable moments of the series, and adds: "There IS more to me than that one moment, don't you know?" Sandy, once again, is not really amused, and wonders how the Mermaid Man eps are tasteless.
Gerald is the next presenter, who blabs on about how "commerce always wins over art... especially when it comes to Nick's hype machine." The noms for "Most Overrated Episode" are: "Helga on the Couch" from HA!, "Race Across New Zealand" from RP, and "SpongeBob BC", "Plankton's Army" and "SpongeBob Meets The Strangler", all from SB. "SpongeBob BC" takes this one, and this time, Sandy doesn't even bother to come on stage, so Nick's accepting the award on SB's behalf.
To end the proceedings, it's another hometown presenter, Susie, to present both holiday episode categories. The first is the Worst category, and there are just two eps with votes: "Stimpy's First Fart" from Ren and Stimpy, and "Christmas Every Day" from FOP. Stimpy wins this one, and due to R&S's absence, Nick is once again accepting it on their behalf.
And the last category is the Best one. The voted eps here also appear to have a Christmas bias, with TWT's "Operation Valentine" being the only non December ep voted for. The others are Arnold's Christmas from HA!, MLaaTR's Christmas, and "The Santa Experience" from Rugrats. Arnold's Christmas wins this one, and Helga gets a turn at the podium to tell the crowd that everyone on the show had to make "certain sacrifices" to make the story possible... "And let's just say that my parents certainly don't approve of mine."
With that, Tommy comes back on stage to close the show, so, time for one last peanut gallery commentary, this time, at the exit. One fan has opinions on both winning holiday eps. On Arnold's Christmas: "It really showed the true meaning of Christmas, ya know? How one should be kind and generous and how it's better to give than to receive, which Helga showed." As for "Stimpy's First Fart": "I honestly couldn't think of an especially bad special for a Nicktoon, 'cept for this one." Some lady is complaining bitterly about the results that saw SpongeBob take home three awards... all "mean" ones: "These are based on like twelve people's votes." Some guy complains loudly about the lack of continuity between the Mermaid Man eps: "How on earth did the Dirty Bubble reappear if SpongeBob POPPED him from the second Mermaid Man and Barnicle Boy episode?! And Man Ray?! I thought he reformed?!" Lastly, another is repeatedly moaning "Overated, Tasteless, and Worst" over and over. A die-hard SB fan, apparently.
Well, that's it. Have a nice rest of 2005!