Enough

[can_i_live_777]

Ok I wrote this the other day after my parents decided to get on my case, AGAIN. I like it pretty well. Let me know if anyone has any suggestions. I could use help with wording in a couple of places. PLEASE REVIEW!

Enough


You can never know what it’s like to be hated,

To have daddy tell mommy to kill you,

To end your life while you’re still in the womb,

I feel like a mistake from a time when they dated.



You will never know what it’s like to be hurt,

To try to help daddy with some of his work,

Only to mess up and make daddy curse.

He made me feel worthless; useless as dirt.



You could never know what it’s like to be dumb.

To bring mommy your grades in which you were proud,

and have her yell that your As weren’t all that good.

All of these things are driving me down, making me numb.



I hope you never know what it’s like to be broken.

To chase a girl for two and a half long years,

To be rejected, shut down just as I’d feared

I just haven’t been able to care since then.



I wish that for once that I could be enough.

That I could be the son they need me to be,

That I could have been the man she desired.

I wish I could turn my back on this stuff,

And for once, be enough.

[Tobias]

That was pretty good. Depressing, but good. I can't really see anything wrong with the phrasing, great work.

[can_i_live_777]

Ok guys, hot off the presses, another depressing poem! I actually had to write this for a class assingment.

Dead To Me

The gates creek open

And invite me in.

The voices of the

Asking where I’ve been.



I look at the field

That stretches before me.

The headstones remind

Me that I’ve killed so many.



Tombs of old friends who

long ago died where they lay.

It was their own deeds

That earned them their grave.



To my left I hear cries of

“Oh Aric, Aric, come here our son”

With tears in my eyes I run crying

“Oh no, what have I done!”



My parents lie angrily shaking a shovel,

accusing me of this sin.

Seeing the tool in their hands,

I realize it was them who dug themselves in.



Then in the center of the field

I see the biggest headstone of all

A large inverted cross,

So frightening it makes my pulse stall.



Scratching and clawing deep down

At the sides of the hole

I see myself, but not me.

No, this is an Aric of old.



His eyes burn with rage,

His mouth pours out .

He mutilates himself

Just to show he’s irate.



He cries out to a God

That he doesn’t believe.

His soul has long rotted away,

Waiting for a false relief.


Taking pity on the beast,
This beast that was I,

I fill in the hole

To allow him to die.



Turning my back on all that once was,

I close the gate and turn the key.

I lock up the field

Of all that is to me.





Ok, please review!:D

[Tobias]

Pretty good. Not as depressing as the first poem, but still depressing. Keep 'em coming.

[Beguiled]

Those were both really good! :) The first was really well written. I liked the emotion in it and the second wasn't as depressing but there was a certain hauntingly cold feel to it. Very nice!!!


~Angel.

[can_i_live_777]

Thanks everyone for the reviews. I really don't think I'm good at all but everyone tells me otherwise. I am now using my poetic "skills" to use writing songs for my band. It's kinda weird hearing my work be put into song. Actually it's really weird, because everytime Tyler (our singer) sings my lyrics, I think "Oh, I should of done that, that doens't fit right, that's terrible, who's gonna listen to this stuff, etc." But long as people tell me I'm not an atrocious poet, I guess I'll continue to share my writings. I'm still gonna continue to write AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!