Why am I still here?

[Mek]

Now, I'd have to say I live a good life. I've got a good family, good relationships with my parents and siblings and hopefully a summer where I don't have to move again.

But recently, and I don't know if it's my chronic depression influencing this or what, but I've been wondering what exactly I have to live for? Why am I still here (alive, mind you), when I've been on the verge of self-destruction twice?

I guess you could say I'm the type of person who's pretty much the opposite of today's 'standards' for the most part. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but it kinda hurts to see others rip on me (and others who are kind of like me) for no reason other than the fact I'm simply [insert something here].

And yet, when I try to defend myself in a peaceful manner, I'm villified to the point where it just seriously hurts. (I can normally take this well, but I have a short temper) And well... those sorta situations make me wonder if I should keep living or just... become a recluse to society. (I've given up the suicide bit, mind you) =/

There's alot more to my particular situation, but that's largely personal stuff. >_>

Just to add one thing: I'm NOT looking for pity parties or sympathy. I'm just wondering if others have felt this way and how one has managed to overcome this and whatnot. That's all.

[Weatherman]

For starters *big hug* Sounds like you could use one.



I'm sure at some point everyone's asked themselves that question. Not knowing too much about the particulars of your situation, though I do remember you mentioning a few things on one of your old web pages awhile back, best I can say is [cue the cornball music here] we're all here to make the best of the lives we've got. We're here to be the best people we can be, to have the best times we can possibly have and to basically do the best we can possibly do.

If people are ripping on you for just being who you are, then that's their problem. I certainly don't think whatever it is that you either are or have done as in any way hurt you or them, so if they have a problem with it they can deal with it themselves. What other people think of you is their business and their business alone quite frankly. They have no right to attack you for what they belive in.

I know I've asked myself that same question mro then a few times of late, and my answer is "f- them". The they have some problem with who I am and what I do they are more then welcome to take it up with me if they can do it like an adult. If they're going to come at me with a bunch of greivances but then not back them up with anything, they're more then free to go play tag with traffic of I-95.

And there's no reason to become in recluse from society. If you can get access to a car, you can always find other people who are like you somewhere, barring one living in the litteral middel of nowhere. And, if nothing else, you got us. We may only be pixles of a screen, but we at least coutn a little...I think.:gir:

[cross blues]

I'm just wondering if others have felt this way and how one has managed to overcome this and whatnot. That's all. I feel that way often, and I haven't found any way to overcome it. it's like after your parents explain that there's no santa, as much as you want to believe again, you just can't. you've discovered that there isn't much of a point to life. I have no clue what the solution could be. I considered suicide a few times but I always felt like there was something I was missing here. life can be good, I/we just have to figure out how to make it that way OR better yet, how to SEE it that way. religious people find meaning in their religions, and from my discussions with a few friends (about your exact question), they told me "normal" people don't need to know what the point of life is.

if you think about it, how many lives really mean anything? of course this is completely subjective, but imo besides teachers, doctors, politicians, writers, some artists, and a few others, not many lives have a point. professional athletes play games for money... what's the point? actors pretend to be other people for money, what's the point? musicians... same thing. even artists... all they really do is draw/paint/sketch pictures... so what is the point to their lives? even if they're happy, rich, and famous their lives are still meaningless when you look at the big picture. ignorance is bliss, I guess.

this is why I had so much trouble choosing a career. I want my life to have some meaning. I want to know I'm alive for a reason. I'm majoring in psychology hoping to find some answers and maybe someday, get over this feeling. I hope you get over it someday too.

EDIT: when I mentioned talking with my friends, that was four or five years ago. I have no real friends now.

[Czar Gato]

*Hugs Mek* Hey, I know. Been there and back a few times, still in therapy. My way to overcome it- or at least deal with it as best I can- is to look at those whom I love, those whom I care for. If I have even the slightest meaning in their lives, then to me my life has purpose.

[mikestorm]

Judging by your DOB, you're right about at the age where people can be at the peak of potential vindictiveness (in my opinion), and at the same time the age where you're the most sensitive to vindictive people.

Hopefully, in 5-7 years the behavior of your "friends" will be a distant memory (as will the friends themselves), and you'll have made new relationships.

In the meantime just keep telling yourself "This too, shall pass." This period of your life is fleeting, so just keep looking ahead to the next chapter. :)

[shoujoaifan]

Like Weatherman said, don't care what others think of you. You still have to enjoy your life your way, becuase if you try to enjoy it according to someone's else's opinions, it won't be you.

As for meaning in life-you have to create it since you'll never find it. We don't know if there is something out there or if we're just animals that die and that's it. PERHAPS we are here for some reason, PERHAPS NOT. You'll never find out, just like the rest of us. Even IF you, in your mind, find some kind of meaning, you'll NEVER know for sure. None of us. We all unfortunately have to find happiness in some way that we create ourselves because that's the only way we can. If some people find comfort in religion, than kudos. I can't DISPROVE them, just like they can't PROVE they're right. The same go for ATHEISTS. JUST because the religious cannot prove their faiths in god(s), athiests CAN'T prove their own faiths in atheism, since science CAN'T disprove a god(s).

Thius is ONLY what IIIIIII do, but me, I plan to do this: Find a career in a medicine and TRY to slow or stop the aging process.

NO, it hasn't been done.

YES, it LOOKS like it MIGHT be possible to prevent SOME aspects of aging. (Which APPEARS to be a culmination of damage over the years to DNA, cells, cancer, cellur death, diseases, genreal wear and tear.

NO, there isn't any proof AGAINST IT EITHER.

WHO KNOWS where we'll stand after decades of medicine?

The religious CAN NOT prove that aging is an act of god.

Athiests and agnostics CAN NOT DIS-PROVE them either.

In the end, after decades of research, we will PROBABLY die anyway. Hell, even IF we survive hundreds of years, we may still croak.

In the end, we may WANT to die, becuase, even in some 1-1,000,000 chance we either download ourselves into robots, or slowly replace our brains with machines if downloading sounds like just copying to some, we may want to die if life suddenly holds no meaning.

Even IF by some "scientific miracle" we could live theoritically forever, would life have any meaning to us if there isn't some danger to FORCE ourselves to accomplish something with out lives, since we may end up stagnant and not caring anb back-to-square-one.

We may end up PURPOSELY making weak bodies to give rise to a chance for death so life could mean something.

If we don't know if there is a god(s) or not. IF we are animals, is there even a right and a wrong? Or are they just subjective concepts so life would have meaning? And would that be such a "wrong" thing if our morals are unprovable? Wouldn't we still accept some form of morals, even without religion, to give meaning to our lives, in our minds, since noone else is doing so?

Desperate? Yes. We all are. Others may accept suicide by age, saying that its a good thing, either through a faith in religion or evolution. Others just WON'T care either way.

I would FAAAAAARRRRRRRRR dedicate my whole life towards this. I would still NEED to ENJOY myself, have family, friends, and hobbies to keep sane, make my life worthwhile now, and later if longevity actually accomplishes anything.

Or it might not accomplish anything, and my family, friends, and hobbies will be the only things that make me die with some sort of comfort and pride.








Sorry if that sounded like I was harping on you. OBVIOUSLY I too had to work out some issues like the rest of the human race. People can feel free to disagree. But they won't be able to prove me wrong, NOR can I prove myself right.

In the end, we CAN'T worry what others think. Not only would it not make us happy, WHY should we care what others think?

I hope that helped a little. OR I might've just scared you. HELL, I might've just scared you towards religion and you would find comfort that way, and my agnostic preaching was as annoying as preaching from a religious person or athiest is to me.

Or you might not care what I think, no matter how logical. That might just be a good thing :)

[Opaque]

Why am I still here.I ask myself that everyday. Though my "here" is not life in general .

[SirLemming]

There's a different answer for each of us, and that's good, because otherwise we'd feel like there's no point in finding a purpose because someone else has already been there and done that. And really, I think that in itself is a big part of it: you live to do what no one else has done before, even if only a few people ever know what you've done. Maybe you live to write music or literature that's never been written, or to draw something that's never been drawn, or to film something that's never been filmed. Or maybe you live to help someone who no one else can help, or to (romantically or otherwise) love someone who no one else can love. You live to make a difference, or perhaps simply to "make difference".

Being a Christian, I obviously feel that without God, this is all very arbitrary, and I do find it hard to come up with an answer for those who don't believe in God -- because I think I'm right. Otherwise I wouldn't believe it. But even in what I believe there is a degree of arbitrariness, because once we're in Heaven, what then? It's an eternity of love, but even that seems rather purposeless. But I guess love and happiness are the purpose.
And I tend to think that even atheists who have somebody to love have found purpose and are not completely miserable. Because God is love, after all, if I truly believe what I believe, and so wherever there's love, someone has tapped into that.

[Classic Speedy]

Because we're all cogs in a heartless machine. [/ORWELL]

[Terminatah]

I guess you could say I'm the type of person who's pretty much the opposite of today's 'standards' for the most part. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but it kinda hurts to see others rip on me (and others who are kind of like me) for no reason other than the fact I'm simply [insert something here].What are you? A Trekkie? Overweight? A homosexual? You shouldn't feel bad about yourself ever, because it doesn't help. There's always time to lose weight, or find happiness somewhere. There may also be a nearby convention you can attend for people such as yourself, usually with costumes and celebrities.

The way I see it, everyone here has an eternity to be dead. Whatever you believe happens, it happens forever. So no matter how painful or stupid your life is, you might want to stick around, because you might see some cool stuff that they don't have after you die.

But perhaps your people said it best. Simply put, live long and prosper.

-Terminatah

[TimTwoFace]

The bottom line here is to find a circle of people that love and appreciate you for who you are - and hopefully share the same views, interests, and such as well. :) Evidently you have a family at home already, and you've got a handful of people here in this thread (and at TZ in general) that obviously care. It's proof that it is, in fact, possible.

So what if you don't conform to what society generally dictates as "normal"? As long as you're a good, kind person, I don't think there's anything else you SHOULD be in order to be appreciated. I'm hardly the model for normalcy myself, but I've found a way to make my life work in this world. You can as well - you just have to have faith in yourself and surround yourself with those that love you.

As for these people ripping into you for whatever pointless reason - everyone has been there. Don't let it bother you, if you know that it's just pointless. There are some people out there, online and in real life, that prefer to rip into me simply because I'm me (and for no other reason), and for a while it did bother me; I just stopped giving a rat's ass about what they thought, though. They aren't even my friends, they're not my boss, they're not my family, they have absolutely no personal connection of any importance to me at all - so they're totally expendable. Don't worry about what THEY think, whomever these random people are, be they idiots on the street, classmates, apparent 'friends', or whatever. Just move on, look for where the good people are, and leave these freaks behind.

That's about all I can suggest. Like I said earlier, it looks you have a support group here, so never fear to share this sort of stuff here. :)

*HUGS*

-Tim

[JetMaster5]

What's the purpose of life? Is my life meaningful?

...I've thought of that question for some time and I never found the answer to it. Or, I should say, I never found the answer that I'm satisfied with. Then I realized something. What if I did found the answer? Then what? Would my life still change or be affected by it? No. Can I live happily without finding the answer? Yes.

So I ditched it. I didn't care anymore about finding the answer to that freakin question. I could live my life however I wanted, even if that means staring at the computer all day. At the very least, I'm satisfied with it.

[Elven Moon]

I have questioned why I'm here and why I haven't bothered to "off" myself many times. There are times when I don't care what people think, but then there are times where I'm desperate for approval and to fit in.

I guess such is the fate of someone who isn't of the "beautiful people" :sad:

[Weatherman]

I have questioned why I'm here and why I haven't bothered to "off" myself many times. There are times when I don't care what people think, but then there are times where I'm desperate for approval and to fit in.

I guess such is the fate of someone who isn't of the "beautiful people" :sad:
Hey, you fit in here. Granted, we're pretty much just pixles on a screen, but there is a real person behind each Screen Name, and we're all a family of sorts here. I know alot of people here didn't know Shogun the 3rd, I know I didn't, or Daisuke Jigen, but it still hurt like hell when we lost them. Everyone here means something important to this group. Acutally, that's one of things that sets us apart from alot of other message boards. We're a community of people, not a bunch of flame happy half-wits.

If "fitting in" means that you would have to change something about yourself to do it, then it's probably not worth that price. Nothign wrong with looking at yourself to see if there's something you can do to be a better person and possibly change for the better, but giving up who you are just toget the aproval of others isn't the way to go. You have to be true to who you are, not to what other people think you should be to suit their goals.

[ScientificDemon]

What's the meaning of a rock?
What's the meaning of a piece of a wood?

Our lives are just are.

We assign meaning to our lives.

We have the freedom to live our lives whichever way we feel like living it.

What do you like?
What do you enjoy doing?

Whatever it is, it is meaningful to you, and that's all that matters.

[James]

A question I never ask.

Like a piece of wire trying to ascertain the nature of it's existence in a TV and it's commercial nature and sociological relevance to the human scheme of information and leisure. (What was Adam's comparison? You no more knows your destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company... yes he says it better.)

One sometimes get's these feelings but one must ignore them as - in my opinion - they are self destructive. You cannot fathom your nature for being who and where you are as you are part of that equation. You mind can't be objective as it's immediately slanted in trying to understand one's position in life.

Rationally it all can come down to - are you happy and if not, why not. If you can find a discernable nature to your issues, you can change the problem, or the equation of your life.

The way I like to see it is if you have the time to ponder or get pulled down by the burden of being here you probably aren't being busy enough.

Get some more activities, change your lifestyle but don't waste time pondering why.

Like the answer to a simple sum, take it as a fact you are where you are meant to be and just, well be.

[Peter Paltridge]

I guess you could say I'm the type of person who's pretty much the opposite of today's 'standards' for the most part. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but it kinda hurts to see others rip on me (and others who are kind of like me) for no reason other than the fact I'm simply [insert something here].Yeah, I've been there and been called everything. You name a negative personality trait and I've been accused of having it. People are impossible to please--you stop doing one thing that they don't like and they just fixate on something else. How others make lifelong friends so easily is beyond me.


*Hugs Mek* Hey, I know. Been there and back a few times, still in therapy. My way to overcome it- or at least deal with it as best I can- is to look at those whom I love, those whom I care for. If I have even the slightest meaning in their lives, then to me my life has purpose.....I'm not going to ask anyone I know if I have any meaning in their lives because I'm afraid of the answer. Most have shown me by their actions that I do not have meaning to them, no matter how important they are to ME. It's that way in real life, on other boards, and also here. 1,500 posts later I'm still the guy nobody remembers. Doesn't my neat website make any difference?? (being serious, I really do think it should)

[Phantasm]

I don't recall ever questioning my existence but I have been questioned for being myself. See here's the thing;people have ALWAYS had something against people who are different. This causes a problem because EVERYBODY is different, only some succumb to the pressures society exerts on them and some don't.And those who don't will ALWAYS be picked on because as harsh as it sounds, majority IS authority.Or atleast that notion is inherently implanted in the head of every individual who is considered part of the gruop that makes the majority.

I have been made to feel guilty for being me. It was only a little too late when it hit me that no one has the power to make me feel bad without my consent. As inlaced with cheese as that statement is, I took it to heart and can assert that it helped lift me from my depression. Once the dark veil of uncertainity about myself was uplifted, I emerged back into society with a new perspective on myself and the people in my vicinity.This is probably biased but I felt that I saw those people for what they were in reality, in essense. Why they were no more than the biggest scumbags in the face of the earth. It was as if their sole purpose of existence was to try to belittle others, try to put out the light emitted by others so that theirs is deemed the brightest.

I guess what I'm trying to say is just that society is evil.The very existence of the entire concept of it depends on the consent of the majority that it is comprised of and to shun and get rid of the minority, the 'weak links'.It is the 'survival of the fittest' out there and if you let yourself, your worth, be determined by others' will then you might as well be wearing a sflashing neo sign inviting others to trample you on their way to securing themselves a place in the world.

[Tash]

You know that one episode of JLU?

Heed it's words. Justify your own extience, if for no other reason than to see where it's going.

[James]

1,500 posts later I'm still the guy nobody remembers. Doesn't my neat website make any difference?? (being serious, I really do think it should)
Never mistake remembering to not acknowledging. I know you. I don't think we been in a situation really where we've had a long dialogue (hence my remark on acknowledgement) but I know who you are.

I think that's a mistake we all tend to make on forums. We think people don't see us because people don't reply to the posts/topics much but we do.

I rarely converse with Mek (aside from commenting on work on the Drawing Board) but I spot her posts more often than she probably imagines..

[Mek]

Just so everyone knows, I haven't ignored this topic and I've read nearly every response. I'll try to have a good response ready tomorrow. >_>

[Weatherman]

Just so everyone knows, I haven't ignored this topic and I've read nearly every response. I'll try to have a good response ready tomorrow. >_>
It's cool. Whenever you feel you're ready.

[Tash]

Never mistake remembering to not acknowledging. I know you. I don't think we been in a situation really where we've had a long dialogue (hence my remark on acknowledgement) but I know who you are.

I think that's a mistake we all tend to make on forums. We think people don't see us because people don't reply to the posts/topics much but we do.

I rarely converse with Mek (aside from commenting on work on the Drawing Board) but I spot her posts more often than she probably imagines..This is why we all need an "accknowledge the above user" topic.

[Singin' Stray Cat]

The question of why I'm here came up a LOT when I was working through my last semester. Kind of. In my case it was more along the lines of "What's my purpose?" I asked myself this several times, usually during times of intense frustration.

I barely got the work for all my classes done in time, mainly because I was fighting an overwhelming urge to just give up. I had lost all confidence in my abilities as a graphic designer. I hated all the work I'd done for the past two years; I felt like I pretty much just wasted them trying to please people who didn't matter a whole lot to me and couldn't really be pleased anyway. I kept thinking that this wasn't what I wanted to do after all - I wanted to just quit and try again somewhere else, if I could afford to do what I really wanted, that is. And some of you may have noticed (though I really doubt it), I even quit posting here regularly for the longest time. Just didn't have the desire or energy. I'd wasted it fretting over class assignments.

So why didn't I quit? It would've made sense, since I was unhappy. But I was also very very close to getting a college degree. Quitting just before getting that would've been, well, stupid, for lack of a better word. So I kept going anyway, and I gotta say, ever since I graduated, my mood's lifted a great deal. But I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with the better part of my life, now that I've got it right in front of me. Guess I just said all that to say I've felt the same way. :shrug:

[Outlander00]

I can absolutely relate to the situation Mek. I went through similar things and thoughts when I was in High School. However, that changed when I went to college. "What did you do to change it" youre probably asking... and that is simple. They say college changes you and with me there was no difference. I did a lot of soul searching as well as had the chance to interact with so many people, cultures, experiences... I eventually realized that WE make our own lives. We decided how itll come out and what will occur. Dont believe in free choice? Well, it works the other way as well... If we were destined to do something or be with someone, it will happen. However dont let yourself get down because nothing has happened yet or havent found yourself... youre still young. For some it takes their whole lifetimes before even realizing the question!

"It is not getting to the destination that makes a journey, but the journey itself that makes it."

Profound Chinese philosophy that so holds true in life.

Youre a good person, a great artist and all round great individual, Mek. Dont let a little thing like depression get you down... You have more strength than you know. :)

[Mek]

Okay, now that I've had some time to look at the various answers and have had several days to think about it... here goes. (I can't get to all of 'em, so we'll make this a 2-part post)

Weatherman: I guess people rip on me (and others) just to make them feel better about themselves. I don't know why that is... I guess for some, they're probably in the same situation as I am. It just feel kinda restricting at times: I want to be a happy, kindhearted and all-around nice person. It's just that it feels like no one is really giving me a chance... or perhaps I'm not looking at it correctly. As for 'like minded people', I do know this one boy in a group I go to. I don't think anything serious will come out of it (I'd like it to, but I'm not getting my hopes up), so I'm hoping we can be friends. That alone would make me feel a bit better about my personal feelings right now.

Czar Gata: Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. Sometimes I wish I knew if I really did mean anything to others outside of my family. >~<

shoujoiaifan: Surprisingly, that did help some. ^^

SirLemming: Yes, that's true. I kinda feel the same way at times. Not all the time (I often try to hide it from others), but it is there for me.

Speedy Boris: LMAO. Good point! XD Also, part of me would be afraid to know if I have meaning in others's lives too. I guess we'll find the answer out one of these days... when that is, I don't know. D=

TimTwoFace: A good circle of friends *is* a good thing to have. Granted, I never really had any per se, but I did (and still do) have a close group of friends who are there for me, and in return I try to be there for them. I don't really have many friends here at TZ... though I would assume some would say otherwise. XD I guess it's a matter of surrounding yourself with good people/friends when the chips are down, so to speak. I recently had to cut ties with someone who, while was a good friend for the most part, didn't exactly make me feel good about my situation and life in general. o~o

Tash: Yeah, that is good advice. (Gotta love JLU, heh)

Outlander: Me? A strong person? Well, I'm not inclined to agree with that, but surprisingly... you're not the first person to say that. >~> And that is good Chinese philosophy... I'll have to keep that in mind from now on.

[Majin_Megabyte]

Mek, I know how you feel. I kinda went through a time of myself being depress around these type of stuff. Couple years ago my parents came close of having a divorce, and I felt everything was my falut, and I was beating up myself because of it. All my friends, and anquinetices were worried about me because I was not acting like my normal self. My friends Bobby, Micheal, Andera, Hugo, and Hurohe were hang out with me so I can get back to my normal self, and I'm happy that they help out, and they give me advice, instead of me giving the advice on stuff. I also will say having a good friend will always help at the end.

[Weatherman]

Okay, now that I've had some time to look at the various answers and have had several days to think about it... here goes. (I can't get to all of 'em, so we'll make this a 2-part post)

Weatherman: I guess people rip on me (and others) just to make them feel better about themselves. I don't know why that is... I guess for some, they're probably in the same situation as I am. It just feel kinda restricting at times: I want to be a happy, kindhearted and all-around nice person. It's just that it feels like no one is really giving me a chance... or perhaps I'm not looking at it correctly. As for 'like minded people', I do know this one boy in a group I go to. I don't think anything serious will come out of it (I'd like it to, but I'm not getting my hopes up), so I'm hoping we can be friends. That alone would make me feel a bit better about my personal feelings right now.

Czar Gata: Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. Sometimes I wish I knew if I really did mean anything to others outside of my family. >~<

shoujoiaifan: Surprisingly, that did help some. ^^

SirLemming: Yes, that's true. I kinda feel the same way at times. Not all the time (I often try to hide it from others), but it is there for me.

Speedy Boris: LMAO. Good point! XD Also, part of me would be afraid to know if I have meaning in others's lives too. I guess we'll find the answer out one of these days... when that is, I don't know. D=

TimTwoFace: A good circle of friends *is* a good thing to have. Granted, I never really had any per se, but I did (and still do) have a close group of friends who are there for me, and in return I try to be there for them. I don't really have many friends here at TZ... though I would assume some would say otherwise. XD I guess it's a matter of surrounding yourself with good people/friends when the chips are down, so to speak. I recently had to cut ties with someone who, while was a good friend for the most part, didn't exactly make me feel good about my situation and life in general. o~o

Tash: Yeah, that is good advice. (Gotta love JLU, heh)

Outlander: Me? A strong person? Well, I'm not inclined to agree with that, but surprisingly... you're not the first person to say that. >~> And that is good Chinese philosophy... I'll have to keep that in mind from now on.
As we've said, you mean something to us around here. You seme to mean alot to the people at the art board. You are a strong person, regardless of what you might think right now. Instead of running away from a problem in your life you're facing it head on and asking for help. There's no shame in asking for help if you really think you need it, and as you can see, we're more then happy to lend a hand. I takes alot of strength to admit you don't necessarily have enough on your own. While you may not think you have many friends around TZ, you probably have more then you think. I consider you a friendly person at least, and someone I could probably be friends with. Try IMing some of us sometime, we don't bite...........often.;)