Captain Zechs
12-14-2004, 06:09 PM
Yes, I would like feedback good or bad Ill take it. I don't know if I am going to finish this story, so i started this like 2 days ago and this is how far I am.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wondered the halls quickly now trying to get back to my room for safety. Something was lurking behind me and I didn’t know what for everytime I looked back it was gone. It seemed as if my house was huge, when really it was just big enough for 5. I looked around and spotted the kitchen running to the safety of the kitchen light, only to find my self-falling into a huge hole. I yelled “MOM” while I was falling, only to see my mother’s shape appear in the darkness of the hole. I looked at her through eyes of complete sadness, the ocean’s water itself could not feed my eyes the water it needed to cry, and yet I cried. That’s when the shape of my mother moved out from the darkness, only to reveal a body with a skull as it’s head. “Ahhh” I yelled only to fly up from my bed-shouting mother. I looked around and found that it was just a dream, “Calm down Taoko, just a dream” and then he added “A really scary dream”. Taoko was a boy of the age 8,he himself had shoulder length dark blue hair with silver tips, and now being at the age of training which he himself would be starting in a day, so all he had to do was sleep the night and he would be out of this dump for a house. Ever since his mother had died from a knife to her stomach his dad had went mad with sadness. Taoko was most of the time lonely and always by himself for his father was always in bed and never even tried to come out, Taoko called his fathers depression, drowned with insanity. Although his father had basically gone as far away from the world as possible, his 2 son’s Taoko and Amoco were left with much money because of their mother.
Even though it had been left to both of them Amoco was in charge of the money for he was 16, older and felt that he was responsible for his little brother. Amoco himself had gone to 3 martial art schools, every time learning a new type of martial arts. He had also gone on training for a brief month to enhance his power of darkness. Taoko, not being as old had only gone to 1 school for the martial arts but would be trained 2 months to enhance his power of time and then go to one more school. Not a normal power as some called it, but a powerful one and a dangerous one. His brother had forbid him to use his power until properly trained like he was with his darkness.
Taoko was now to afraid to go back to bed so he went to his brothers room, and woke up Amoco, a boy with dark red hair also down to his shoulders except instead of silver tips he had black tips. Amoco yawned almost looking like he was going to tell Taoko off but then looked at Taoko and sighed “Here” he said quietly and moved over quite a bit giving Taoko room to sleep beside him. As Taoko got in he fell asleep fast, this time having no bad dreams.
The Next Day…
As the sun rose Taoko thought he felt movement next to him but ignored it still very much asleep. He laid there with his eyes open to tired to get up for a little bit and then smelt something good. As he wondered downstairs, he found his brother using one of the dragons to heat up and cook some chicken meat. Although there house was small, that didn’t mean all of there land was. There father whom had owned much land had built 4 barns, each filled with some sort of animal except the 4th and final. That barn was for the female dragons when they were giving birth. In the 1st barn marked “D” had dragons in it, their mother had purchased them before she died. Currently they had 6, they had at
first only started out with 2 dragons which drained there mother’s money for awhile until she could get it back up, but then after 1 year the female of the 2 dragons had eggs, in which 4 dragons hatched. They were taken care of at first by their mother but after she died, Amoco looked after them until now when they were almost full size. He had told Taoko that by the time he got back they would be in mating season, which might turn out to be good for them, hopefully both of the female dragon’s giving birth to some eggs, that way they could sell some dragons to get gold. Then in the 2nd barn marked “C” were chickens. Taoko and Amoco never could count all of the chickens but it was a very big barn and they both knew there were over 50 chickens with eggs all over the place. Instead of selling the chickens and their eggs though they were there main source of food. At times though if a buyer was offering good money for a couple chickens then they would of course not pass up the chance and sell the chickens that were to be bought. In the 3rd barn marked “M” were cows, which was there source for selling. In that barn they had raised over 40 cows and soon to be more. They got a lot from cows including, butter, milk, meat and money. In which they saved some for themselves and then sold the rest. In the 4th barn, which had, no marking was the place for dragon eggs that way they would not be disturbed or crushed.
Although they had 4 barns they still had a considerable amount of land, where the cows grazed, where the dragons roamed and where the chickens chased each other. The dragon’s themselves could fly but were trained to come back, and so Taoko went to a wooden table and sat down on a chair “Alright, lets eat then” he said to Amoco who put the pieces of meat on some tree bark and got milk to drink. Amoco ate rather fast, wanting to get Taoko to the training site quickly so that he may start as soon as possible. Taoko however took his time wanting to spend his last few minutes at his house with pleasure and joy so that he may not be home sick when he was away. He then finished and they went to the dragon stables.
That was where Amoco prepared the dragon “Night Wing” for flight. He put a black saddle on the dragons back and then put reigns on the dragon. “It’s just like a horse” he said and then I thought *What is a horse? *. Amoco then remembered his brother hadn’t been to the land “Sharuk” which was the only place with a horse. So after getting Taoko to get on the dragon they flew off to the site where Taoko’s soon to be master would take him and train him for 2 months.
“Now bro, don’t whine, don’t cry and most importantly don’t give up” Amoco said with a smile and then patted Taoko on the back before leaving him. “Goodbye” Taoko said while his brother walked off, he then went to the center of the camp where a young man of what looked like to be the age 18 was standing. “Why hello there” he said to Taoko, “You’re my instructor?” Taoko asked curiously not expecting someone that young, “Who else would I be?” he said laughing and then added, “My name is Iriki by the way and yours is Taoko”. Taoko just nodded and then looked at the tent, there was only one, *what a small camp site* Taoko thought to himself expecting more students, but no one else ever came and so that is where he stayed for the night, in that little tent while his Master slept in the other corner of the tent.
The Next day…
At the break of dawn Taoko was awoken by Iriki, “Come, come, we must not sleep the day away,” Iriki said to Taoko, while he was getting up. He changed and then went out to meet his master by a circle of rocks. “Alright, so from what your brother said you power is time and you have not gotten much practice with it” Iriki said more to himself and then scratched his chin. “Well this is my power” he said and then snapped his fingers. Where the ring was the wood caught on fire, yet this fire wasn’t normal it was blue with light green tips. “Wow” was all Taoko managed to say considering he had never seen a blue flame, “Now, you may think it is just an ordinary flame, but it isn’t” Iriki said and then added “It has 2 powers that I can access, I can make it so that once the blue flame has touched the target that it is burned from the inside out, or I can make it so the person cannot get the flame off until they are just a pile of ash”. “Scary” Taoko said more to himself but aloud, “yes it can be, yet I was trained well, and I plan to do my best with you on your power” he said. “Let me try my power” Taoko said and before Iriki could intervene, Taoko was the only thing moving. He looked at Iriki and then above his head, a bird that was about to take off had stopped. The world was silent except for the breath of Taoko’s. *Great, now what do I do* Taoko thought to himself and then concentrated on making everything move again. He had finally done it after about 10 times of chanting words such as, move again, bring me back, stop, etc. When Iriki had come back to life he scowled Taoko heavily, “You know, you could have become lost within time” he said harshly and Taoko just frowned not knowing that could happen. “Well at least we now something that you can do, explain to me what happened” Iriki told Taoko. Taoko then told him how everything was frozen except for him. “Well, that could come in handy, say someone is attacking you, all you would have to do is freeze time and then attack or evade an attack” Iriki said thoughtfully to Taoko, “Cool” Taoko said and then wondered, “I don’t know how long I can keep time frozen though” he said to Iriki, and all he got as a response was a simple sigh. *This is going to be hard* Taoko thought.
2 Months Later…
As 2 long months passed Taoko had learned how to stop time, begin time and warp through time. He had also learned a bunch of survival skills, such as how he could go back 5 minutes if he were to run into danger and not be able to get away. His power was quite useful but he was to never run his powers more than 2 hours, Iriki thought this to be a bit to risky and that he could perhaps himself get stuck within time, never to see the face of Earth again. It was the last night that Taoko would be at the camp, and at that rate near on the side of the mountain. He would soon see his brother Amoco by morning. As the day passed Iriki showed him how to meditate on the surface of water. Taoko, by the time it was night had learned how to do it and rather enjoyed this for he could see the “Shekai”, fish that looked like tree’s right beneath him and they were always a funny site. And, so he went to sleep in the tent for the final time.
The Next Day…
Taoko woke up bright and early ready to be picked up by Amoco, and to also say goodbye to Iriki, however when he woke up all he found was a golden eye in the tent
instead of Iriki. “Wow, guess he wants me to have it” he said and when touching the eye of gold, he felt a great deal of pain on his right eye. He blacked out with all the surging pain, and awoke to the touch of his brother, “Hey get up dude its time to go” he said and then gave him a note, “It’s from your master” he added while Taoko got up with his eyes closed. For a minute Taoko could not open his right eye but soon he got it open with a lot of rubbing and some pressure. “Whoa, why is your eye gold?” Amoco asked quite shocked at the fact that his little brother now had a golden eye, as Taoko read the note he found his answer, “This eye will give you the power to see the people of evil when the your normal eye cannot” the note said and then turned into petals, that floated with the wind. “It’s something my master gave me” he said while walking to the dragon and hopping on.
Soon he was back at his home, he ran all over going from barn to barn and then back in the house and up to his room. He buried his face within his pillow “It feels so good to be home” he said to himself and then Amoco came up smiling “Haha, I missed you too bro” Amoco said in a sarcastic tone. “Yup” was all Taoko could say, but then looked into the mirror, only to be mocked by his eye. *Why oh why was I given this by Iriki* he thought to himself and looked down being gloomy. Amoco starting to notice this reaction to seeing a mirror took Taoko downstairs, “Hey just look on the bright side, in 2 weeks you start school” he said to Taoko as if nagging Taoko about all the work he would have to do. “Yea, yea” he said and then ran out, first going to the cows, he teased them and fed them. Taoko was having the time of his life, now being back at home and not in that horrible forest.
2 weeks later…
“Taoko wake up…come on man don’t wanna be late for your first day” Amoco said throwing clothes at Taoko. He laughed a bit as Taoko got up and fell out of bed, landing on the wooden floor and jumping up. “Oww” Taoko said to himself and glared at Amoco who then left. “Alright, Alright” Taoko said to himself while dressing looking out his small window made out of cow hide. *Good the day looks nice and there is no wind* he thought to himself, rushing downstairs and drinking some milk. “Here have some toast” Amoco said to Taoko as Taoko ate the chicken eggs. Taoko ate and then he soon got some bark and an ink pen. “I’m ready” he said and then waited outside by the dragon barn. Currently there were no female dragons in there, they had been mated with males and were now being taken care of by workers to prepare for eggs that would come in the next couple months. Amoco soon came not to long after Taoko was ready and they were off. Taoko however had decided to play a trick and froze time. “This will be fun” he said to himself rushing to the school and checking out everything. People were already there so he played a joke and drew on their faces with some ink. “This is fun” he said and then ran back to Amoco, unfreezing time. As Amoco kept moving Taoko sighed in relief that he wouldn’t get caught.
“Hello” a boy with black hair said to Taoko as he walked in. The boy was different, well to Taoko he thought. His eyes didn’t resemble a color, they, were literally flames. His hair also had streaks if fire, Taoko gave a look of confusion to the boy before saying “He-hello”. “Oh you must be freaked out from my hair, I’m a pyro and heavily induced with the flames so they naturally come out in looks for me, my name is Makk” the boy said to Taoko. “Well my name is Taoko” Taoko said now not being as freaked out. *Interesting school* he thought to himself and walked on not expecting Makk to follow him. However Makk did follow him, “Want to be friends?” Taoko offered smiling at him, *I mine as well make friends with someone who likes me* he thought to himself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember: Im not done with it! AND I WANT FEEDBACK!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wondered the halls quickly now trying to get back to my room for safety. Something was lurking behind me and I didn’t know what for everytime I looked back it was gone. It seemed as if my house was huge, when really it was just big enough for 5. I looked around and spotted the kitchen running to the safety of the kitchen light, only to find my self-falling into a huge hole. I yelled “MOM” while I was falling, only to see my mother’s shape appear in the darkness of the hole. I looked at her through eyes of complete sadness, the ocean’s water itself could not feed my eyes the water it needed to cry, and yet I cried. That’s when the shape of my mother moved out from the darkness, only to reveal a body with a skull as it’s head. “Ahhh” I yelled only to fly up from my bed-shouting mother. I looked around and found that it was just a dream, “Calm down Taoko, just a dream” and then he added “A really scary dream”. Taoko was a boy of the age 8,he himself had shoulder length dark blue hair with silver tips, and now being at the age of training which he himself would be starting in a day, so all he had to do was sleep the night and he would be out of this dump for a house. Ever since his mother had died from a knife to her stomach his dad had went mad with sadness. Taoko was most of the time lonely and always by himself for his father was always in bed and never even tried to come out, Taoko called his fathers depression, drowned with insanity. Although his father had basically gone as far away from the world as possible, his 2 son’s Taoko and Amoco were left with much money because of their mother.
Even though it had been left to both of them Amoco was in charge of the money for he was 16, older and felt that he was responsible for his little brother. Amoco himself had gone to 3 martial art schools, every time learning a new type of martial arts. He had also gone on training for a brief month to enhance his power of darkness. Taoko, not being as old had only gone to 1 school for the martial arts but would be trained 2 months to enhance his power of time and then go to one more school. Not a normal power as some called it, but a powerful one and a dangerous one. His brother had forbid him to use his power until properly trained like he was with his darkness.
Taoko was now to afraid to go back to bed so he went to his brothers room, and woke up Amoco, a boy with dark red hair also down to his shoulders except instead of silver tips he had black tips. Amoco yawned almost looking like he was going to tell Taoko off but then looked at Taoko and sighed “Here” he said quietly and moved over quite a bit giving Taoko room to sleep beside him. As Taoko got in he fell asleep fast, this time having no bad dreams.
The Next Day…
As the sun rose Taoko thought he felt movement next to him but ignored it still very much asleep. He laid there with his eyes open to tired to get up for a little bit and then smelt something good. As he wondered downstairs, he found his brother using one of the dragons to heat up and cook some chicken meat. Although there house was small, that didn’t mean all of there land was. There father whom had owned much land had built 4 barns, each filled with some sort of animal except the 4th and final. That barn was for the female dragons when they were giving birth. In the 1st barn marked “D” had dragons in it, their mother had purchased them before she died. Currently they had 6, they had at
first only started out with 2 dragons which drained there mother’s money for awhile until she could get it back up, but then after 1 year the female of the 2 dragons had eggs, in which 4 dragons hatched. They were taken care of at first by their mother but after she died, Amoco looked after them until now when they were almost full size. He had told Taoko that by the time he got back they would be in mating season, which might turn out to be good for them, hopefully both of the female dragon’s giving birth to some eggs, that way they could sell some dragons to get gold. Then in the 2nd barn marked “C” were chickens. Taoko and Amoco never could count all of the chickens but it was a very big barn and they both knew there were over 50 chickens with eggs all over the place. Instead of selling the chickens and their eggs though they were there main source of food. At times though if a buyer was offering good money for a couple chickens then they would of course not pass up the chance and sell the chickens that were to be bought. In the 3rd barn marked “M” were cows, which was there source for selling. In that barn they had raised over 40 cows and soon to be more. They got a lot from cows including, butter, milk, meat and money. In which they saved some for themselves and then sold the rest. In the 4th barn, which had, no marking was the place for dragon eggs that way they would not be disturbed or crushed.
Although they had 4 barns they still had a considerable amount of land, where the cows grazed, where the dragons roamed and where the chickens chased each other. The dragon’s themselves could fly but were trained to come back, and so Taoko went to a wooden table and sat down on a chair “Alright, lets eat then” he said to Amoco who put the pieces of meat on some tree bark and got milk to drink. Amoco ate rather fast, wanting to get Taoko to the training site quickly so that he may start as soon as possible. Taoko however took his time wanting to spend his last few minutes at his house with pleasure and joy so that he may not be home sick when he was away. He then finished and they went to the dragon stables.
That was where Amoco prepared the dragon “Night Wing” for flight. He put a black saddle on the dragons back and then put reigns on the dragon. “It’s just like a horse” he said and then I thought *What is a horse? *. Amoco then remembered his brother hadn’t been to the land “Sharuk” which was the only place with a horse. So after getting Taoko to get on the dragon they flew off to the site where Taoko’s soon to be master would take him and train him for 2 months.
“Now bro, don’t whine, don’t cry and most importantly don’t give up” Amoco said with a smile and then patted Taoko on the back before leaving him. “Goodbye” Taoko said while his brother walked off, he then went to the center of the camp where a young man of what looked like to be the age 18 was standing. “Why hello there” he said to Taoko, “You’re my instructor?” Taoko asked curiously not expecting someone that young, “Who else would I be?” he said laughing and then added, “My name is Iriki by the way and yours is Taoko”. Taoko just nodded and then looked at the tent, there was only one, *what a small camp site* Taoko thought to himself expecting more students, but no one else ever came and so that is where he stayed for the night, in that little tent while his Master slept in the other corner of the tent.
The Next day…
At the break of dawn Taoko was awoken by Iriki, “Come, come, we must not sleep the day away,” Iriki said to Taoko, while he was getting up. He changed and then went out to meet his master by a circle of rocks. “Alright, so from what your brother said you power is time and you have not gotten much practice with it” Iriki said more to himself and then scratched his chin. “Well this is my power” he said and then snapped his fingers. Where the ring was the wood caught on fire, yet this fire wasn’t normal it was blue with light green tips. “Wow” was all Taoko managed to say considering he had never seen a blue flame, “Now, you may think it is just an ordinary flame, but it isn’t” Iriki said and then added “It has 2 powers that I can access, I can make it so that once the blue flame has touched the target that it is burned from the inside out, or I can make it so the person cannot get the flame off until they are just a pile of ash”. “Scary” Taoko said more to himself but aloud, “yes it can be, yet I was trained well, and I plan to do my best with you on your power” he said. “Let me try my power” Taoko said and before Iriki could intervene, Taoko was the only thing moving. He looked at Iriki and then above his head, a bird that was about to take off had stopped. The world was silent except for the breath of Taoko’s. *Great, now what do I do* Taoko thought to himself and then concentrated on making everything move again. He had finally done it after about 10 times of chanting words such as, move again, bring me back, stop, etc. When Iriki had come back to life he scowled Taoko heavily, “You know, you could have become lost within time” he said harshly and Taoko just frowned not knowing that could happen. “Well at least we now something that you can do, explain to me what happened” Iriki told Taoko. Taoko then told him how everything was frozen except for him. “Well, that could come in handy, say someone is attacking you, all you would have to do is freeze time and then attack or evade an attack” Iriki said thoughtfully to Taoko, “Cool” Taoko said and then wondered, “I don’t know how long I can keep time frozen though” he said to Iriki, and all he got as a response was a simple sigh. *This is going to be hard* Taoko thought.
2 Months Later…
As 2 long months passed Taoko had learned how to stop time, begin time and warp through time. He had also learned a bunch of survival skills, such as how he could go back 5 minutes if he were to run into danger and not be able to get away. His power was quite useful but he was to never run his powers more than 2 hours, Iriki thought this to be a bit to risky and that he could perhaps himself get stuck within time, never to see the face of Earth again. It was the last night that Taoko would be at the camp, and at that rate near on the side of the mountain. He would soon see his brother Amoco by morning. As the day passed Iriki showed him how to meditate on the surface of water. Taoko, by the time it was night had learned how to do it and rather enjoyed this for he could see the “Shekai”, fish that looked like tree’s right beneath him and they were always a funny site. And, so he went to sleep in the tent for the final time.
The Next Day…
Taoko woke up bright and early ready to be picked up by Amoco, and to also say goodbye to Iriki, however when he woke up all he found was a golden eye in the tent
instead of Iriki. “Wow, guess he wants me to have it” he said and when touching the eye of gold, he felt a great deal of pain on his right eye. He blacked out with all the surging pain, and awoke to the touch of his brother, “Hey get up dude its time to go” he said and then gave him a note, “It’s from your master” he added while Taoko got up with his eyes closed. For a minute Taoko could not open his right eye but soon he got it open with a lot of rubbing and some pressure. “Whoa, why is your eye gold?” Amoco asked quite shocked at the fact that his little brother now had a golden eye, as Taoko read the note he found his answer, “This eye will give you the power to see the people of evil when the your normal eye cannot” the note said and then turned into petals, that floated with the wind. “It’s something my master gave me” he said while walking to the dragon and hopping on.
Soon he was back at his home, he ran all over going from barn to barn and then back in the house and up to his room. He buried his face within his pillow “It feels so good to be home” he said to himself and then Amoco came up smiling “Haha, I missed you too bro” Amoco said in a sarcastic tone. “Yup” was all Taoko could say, but then looked into the mirror, only to be mocked by his eye. *Why oh why was I given this by Iriki* he thought to himself and looked down being gloomy. Amoco starting to notice this reaction to seeing a mirror took Taoko downstairs, “Hey just look on the bright side, in 2 weeks you start school” he said to Taoko as if nagging Taoko about all the work he would have to do. “Yea, yea” he said and then ran out, first going to the cows, he teased them and fed them. Taoko was having the time of his life, now being back at home and not in that horrible forest.
2 weeks later…
“Taoko wake up…come on man don’t wanna be late for your first day” Amoco said throwing clothes at Taoko. He laughed a bit as Taoko got up and fell out of bed, landing on the wooden floor and jumping up. “Oww” Taoko said to himself and glared at Amoco who then left. “Alright, Alright” Taoko said to himself while dressing looking out his small window made out of cow hide. *Good the day looks nice and there is no wind* he thought to himself, rushing downstairs and drinking some milk. “Here have some toast” Amoco said to Taoko as Taoko ate the chicken eggs. Taoko ate and then he soon got some bark and an ink pen. “I’m ready” he said and then waited outside by the dragon barn. Currently there were no female dragons in there, they had been mated with males and were now being taken care of by workers to prepare for eggs that would come in the next couple months. Amoco soon came not to long after Taoko was ready and they were off. Taoko however had decided to play a trick and froze time. “This will be fun” he said to himself rushing to the school and checking out everything. People were already there so he played a joke and drew on their faces with some ink. “This is fun” he said and then ran back to Amoco, unfreezing time. As Amoco kept moving Taoko sighed in relief that he wouldn’t get caught.
“Hello” a boy with black hair said to Taoko as he walked in. The boy was different, well to Taoko he thought. His eyes didn’t resemble a color, they, were literally flames. His hair also had streaks if fire, Taoko gave a look of confusion to the boy before saying “He-hello”. “Oh you must be freaked out from my hair, I’m a pyro and heavily induced with the flames so they naturally come out in looks for me, my name is Makk” the boy said to Taoko. “Well my name is Taoko” Taoko said now not being as freaked out. *Interesting school* he thought to himself and walked on not expecting Makk to follow him. However Makk did follow him, “Want to be friends?” Taoko offered smiling at him, *I mine as well make friends with someone who likes me* he thought to himself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember: Im not done with it! AND I WANT FEEDBACK!!!