A pretty good story (I guess) PLZ read!

[Starfire Raven]

Well, first of all. I have this story about a character I made up. I guess it's pretty good in my standards. Here it is.
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Chapter 1

a small girl leaned against a boat side. She wasn't more than 6 and was very energetic. She happily watched the fish swim by in the lake. This was her home. The lake side. She dipped a finger into the water. She was safe. This was her home. Her lake. the great Clear blue lake.
"Fiana, you'll have to come back to the house for dinner soon!" Her mother cried.
"Okay mommy! just wait!" Fiana grinned widely.
Sudennly a hand rose from the lake and pulled her overboard. Fiana screamed and her mother watched in horror and Fiana slipped into uncontiousness.

I'll post chapter 2 if I a review.:D
:elle: Paige

[Chime]

it's short. i like the characters, but i think they need a bit more developement. (don't kill me! just suggestin'.) write the rest & post it. the suspense is killin' me!!!!

[Starfire Raven]

Yay! you're the first to post!

Chap 2
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Fiana woke sudennly to see that she was floating in water. At first her reaction was that she was dead or drowning. But there was something or someone streaking through the water. It was clear and it looked like a woman of 20. Fiana then realized that not only was she breathing but she was not dead. (aww come on she's like, 6) the thing/it/women approached her and smiled with sad eyes, and said, "Dear girl I am sorry to part you from your family but you are greatly needed. After 600 years of searching I have finnally found you!" The woman hand took Fiana's and she slowly floated with her