Anthonynotes
10-31-2001, 12:10 AM
Halloween once again is here, and so here's a few tips for enjoying the day with utmost safety in mind ("borrowed" from the Los Angeles Fire Department's page: http://www.lafd.org/hween.htm), courtesy of our own favorite KWB stars!:
1. Plan costumes that are bright and reflective. Make sure that shoes fit well and that costumes are short enough to prevent tripping, entanglement or contact with flame.
[See: the Warners wearing "shiny pants and shirts", with mirrors strapped to their heads, and with mirrored sunglasses. They make the mistake of stopping off at a tanning salon, with various patrons all but blinded....]
2. Think twice before using simulated knives, guns or swords. If such props must be used, be certain they do not appear authentic and are soft and flexible to prevent injury.
[WAKKO: Does it say anything about "simulated" mallets?
DOT: How can mallets be "simulated"?
WAKKO: Well, they take old stock footage of me using a mallet, and---
DOT: *Never mind*....]
3. Plan ahead to use only battery powered lanterns or chemical lightsticks in place of candles in decorations and costumes.
[Cut to the Warners trying to yank Green Lantern's power ring and lantern away from him....]
4. Openly discuss appropriate and inappropriate behavior at Halloween time.
[BRAIN: For the last time, renting a U-Haul for trick-or-treating is *not* appropriate....
BILLIE: Aw, come on....I can't very well simply teleport all the goods Pinky and I will be gettin' back to the lab. (Pauses) Unless... (runs off to try to draw up plans for a transporter)]
5. Consider purchasing individually packaged healthy food alternatives (or safe non-food treats) for those who visit your home.
[WARNERS: (make various noises expressing disgust)
WAKKO: But Halloween's about *sugar*, and *milk chocolate*, and *FD&C Red #40*.....]
6. Consider safe party guidelines when hosting an Adult or Office Party.
[DOT: Which means hands off the female temp help, Yakko....
YAKKO: Hmph. I thought this was a *party*...]
7. A good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating will discourage youngsters from filling up on Halloween treats.
[DOT: (Eying Wakko swallow the refrigerator whole, then look around hungrily for more). Uh....huh]
8. A Parent or responsible Adult should always accompany young children on their neighborhood rounds.
[Dot eyes various candidates for "responsible adults", including a vampire, a werewolf, some deranged lunatic, Axel Foley, and the guy who was responsible for allowing "Battlefield: Earth" to get produced. She decides to go with the werewolf, to the dismay of the others....]
9. Only go to homes with a porch light on.
[Cut to the H! cast of kids, pounding on the doors and windows of someone's house who *doesn't* have a porch light on, with Toast yelling "c'mon, dude, we know you're home! Give us the goods!"]
10. No treats are to be eaten until they are thoroughly checked by an Adult at home.
[Cut to a shot of Superman sitting at a card table, scanning various bags of holiday goods with his x-ray vision....he looks fairly bored...
SUPERMAN: Good...good...good.... "best if eaten by October 1974".... good...good...."tastes great, less filling".... good....good...]
11. Finally: Try to apportion treats for the days following Halloween.
[WAKKO: (Eyeing an entire side of the water tower stuffed with bags) Um, *days*? As in, more than *one*?]
Happy Halloween, all....
-B.
Who notes candy's already at 50% off at the drugstore near his house....woohoo!
1. Plan costumes that are bright and reflective. Make sure that shoes fit well and that costumes are short enough to prevent tripping, entanglement or contact with flame.
[See: the Warners wearing "shiny pants and shirts", with mirrors strapped to their heads, and with mirrored sunglasses. They make the mistake of stopping off at a tanning salon, with various patrons all but blinded....]
2. Think twice before using simulated knives, guns or swords. If such props must be used, be certain they do not appear authentic and are soft and flexible to prevent injury.
[WAKKO: Does it say anything about "simulated" mallets?
DOT: How can mallets be "simulated"?
WAKKO: Well, they take old stock footage of me using a mallet, and---
DOT: *Never mind*....]
3. Plan ahead to use only battery powered lanterns or chemical lightsticks in place of candles in decorations and costumes.
[Cut to the Warners trying to yank Green Lantern's power ring and lantern away from him....]
4. Openly discuss appropriate and inappropriate behavior at Halloween time.
[BRAIN: For the last time, renting a U-Haul for trick-or-treating is *not* appropriate....
BILLIE: Aw, come on....I can't very well simply teleport all the goods Pinky and I will be gettin' back to the lab. (Pauses) Unless... (runs off to try to draw up plans for a transporter)]
5. Consider purchasing individually packaged healthy food alternatives (or safe non-food treats) for those who visit your home.
[WARNERS: (make various noises expressing disgust)
WAKKO: But Halloween's about *sugar*, and *milk chocolate*, and *FD&C Red #40*.....]
6. Consider safe party guidelines when hosting an Adult or Office Party.
[DOT: Which means hands off the female temp help, Yakko....
YAKKO: Hmph. I thought this was a *party*...]
7. A good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating will discourage youngsters from filling up on Halloween treats.
[DOT: (Eying Wakko swallow the refrigerator whole, then look around hungrily for more). Uh....huh]
8. A Parent or responsible Adult should always accompany young children on their neighborhood rounds.
[Dot eyes various candidates for "responsible adults", including a vampire, a werewolf, some deranged lunatic, Axel Foley, and the guy who was responsible for allowing "Battlefield: Earth" to get produced. She decides to go with the werewolf, to the dismay of the others....]
9. Only go to homes with a porch light on.
[Cut to the H! cast of kids, pounding on the doors and windows of someone's house who *doesn't* have a porch light on, with Toast yelling "c'mon, dude, we know you're home! Give us the goods!"]
10. No treats are to be eaten until they are thoroughly checked by an Adult at home.
[Cut to a shot of Superman sitting at a card table, scanning various bags of holiday goods with his x-ray vision....he looks fairly bored...
SUPERMAN: Good...good...good.... "best if eaten by October 1974".... good...good...."tastes great, less filling".... good....good...]
11. Finally: Try to apportion treats for the days following Halloween.
[WAKKO: (Eyeing an entire side of the water tower stuffed with bags) Um, *days*? As in, more than *one*?]
Happy Halloween, all....
-B.
Who notes candy's already at 50% off at the drugstore near his house....woohoo!