Gilda and Meek in "Money Well Spent"

[Fone Bone]

Kay, this is a comic book story I wrote and drew and I thought I'd share it with you all. Unfortunately I don't have a scanner so I'm gonna have to write it out in screenplay format. Trust me it looks good on paper.

Gilda and Meek "Money Well Spent"

By Matt Zimmer! All characters are trademarks of Matt Zimmer! This story is fiction but any similarities between the characters and real people is on purpose to cruelly torment the weak and frail. Deal with it.:p

Cast of Characters:

Gilda: A female cat, Gilda is a lawyer and an expert in fighting demons.

Meek: A male dog Meek is a total spaz and based on myself.

The Piranha: A mysterious lovable talking fish with amenesia about where he came from. Cuddly and sweet, the Piranha is also slightly dangerous. Sorta like Elmo with teeth.

Dr. Raggleworth: A mad human scientist and father figure to the Piranha. Doc hired Gilda because of her lawyer skills in helping him avoid jail time for his morally questionable experiments and as a demonologist because he inexplicably attracts the wrath of an evil sorcerress for his past relationships.

Bernadette: Meek's little sister is a horrible sarcastic annoying 10 year old genuis. The fact that being friends with Meek (who is Doc's lab assistant) comes with her attached frustrates Gilda to no end.

Note: Not all of these characters will appear in today's story. I sorta wanna get a feel for how the characters are received before I post the meat and potatoes.

Interior: The living room. Meek and Bernadette are sitting on the couch. Bernadette is reading a copy of Barrons. Meek is looking back and forth looking as twitchy as ever.

Meek (leaning over): Pssst! Bernadette! Me vs. Superman.
Bernadette (Still reading the paper; non-chalant): Superman.
Meek: Me vs. Batman.
Bernadette: Batman.
Meek: Me vs. Spider-Man.
Bernadette: Spider-Man.
Meek: Me vs. Xena.
Bernadette: Xena.
Meek: Me vs. Buffy.
Bernadette: Buffy.
Meek: Me vs. Mighty Mouse.
Bernadette: Mighty Mouse.
Meek: Me vs. Pippi Longstocking.
Bernadette: Pippi.
Meek: Me vs. Ramona the Pest.
Bernadette: Ramona the Pest.
Meek: Aw, C'Mon!
Bernadette: Meek, if I can whip your butt, Ramona the Pest can whip your butt.
Meek: Okay, Me vs. Kermit the Frog.
Bernadette: My money's on Kermie.
Meek: Me vs. Strawberry Shortcake.
Bernadette: She'd bake you.
Meek: Me vs. Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear.
Bernadette: You'd be dryer lint.
Meek: Me vs. an inanimate carbon rod.
Bernadette: In rod we trust.
Meek: Alright, smartie-pants... Me. The Olsen Twins. Cage match. To the death. Who walks?
Bernadette: Not you.
Meek (frustrated and trying to think): RRRRGH!
Meek (winking and pointing a finger to his palm): Okay, me vs. Geraldo Rivera.
Bernadette: You.
Meek (standing up and smacking his hand to his fist): Yes! I'm gonna go punch Geraldo Rivera in the nose!
Bernadette (still non-chalant but glancing at him): I'm pretty sure that's a crime for some reason.
Meek (sitting back down and slumping his head on his hand): Oh. Right.
Meek: (dejectedly): Sigh.
Meek (suddenly, pointing at Bernadette): Me vs. Urkel.
Bernadette: Meek, you're really reaching...
Meek: ME VS. URKEL!
Bernadette: Urkel.
Meek: Me vs. Shaggy.
Bernadette: Shaggy.
Meek: Shaggy?
Bernadette: Shaggy.
The Piranha skips happilly by the sofa singing and hopping: Tra la la la la!
He moves off screen: La la la la la!
Meek: (quietly, pointing back over his shoulder and leaning in close): Me vs. the Piranha.
Bernadette: Oh, you definately.
Meek (WHAAA?): Naw! Really?
Bernadette: You'd show that little stinker what-for. Struttin' around like he owns the place.
Meek (scratching his head thinking): Gee, I don't know...
Bernadette: Care to make it interesting?
She Finally perks up for the first time in the story. She holds up a five dollar bill.
Bernadette: I'll stake FIVE WHOLE DOLLARS that you can whip the Piranha's tailfins. If you lose, it's yours.
Meek (excited): Wow! That's win/win!
He zips off the couch and follows the Piranha. Bernadette is back to reading the paper.
Meek (off-screen): Yo, Word up, Fish-Boy! Why you frontin'?
A beat.
Meek (off screen): Hey, whoa, step! Aah! I said STEP! STEP! Don'cha know what "Step" means? AAAUU-!
Off Screen we here bloodcurdling noises while Bernadette still reads the paper: SLAM! Beat! CRUNCH! Wham! HACK! Munch! CRACK! SLURP! SNAP! WHACK! Squish! CHEW! THUMP! Grind! GNASH! SLIT! Slice! Bubble!
Bernadette flips the page.
The Piranha walks over to the couch looking annoyed. His Cheeks are bulging. He Spits Meek out of his mouth Bloodied and beaten: Poo!
Meek (looking up off the floop and grinning despite missing teeth, having a black eye, a bloody nose, his clothes shredded, and limbs twisted. He holds out his hand): I DO believe you owe me Five Dollars!
Bernadette hands it over still reading the paper: Here ya go.
Meek (eager): Oh Boy! Money, Money, Money! Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!
Bernadette (still reading): Buy yourself some iodine, will ya?
Meek (off screen): Nuh uh! This is MY Money! I'm gonna buy a moderately priced comic book, a candy bar, and a 20 oz. Pepsi!
Meek (off screen, singing): I'm in the money! I'm in the money! I got a lot of- (yelling) OH GOD THE PAIN!!!
Bernadette (Thinking while reading): Best five bucks I ever spent...

The End. Or is it? Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!

[Fone Bone]

No Input? Jeebus! Oh well, I'll adapt another gag story in novella format and y'all can tell me which you prefer.

Gilda and Meek "The Pitch"

It was a sunny day in New York and Gilda and Meek had traveled far. They were sitting in a waiting room. Gilda was drinking a soda while Meek was contemplating his navel. There were posters for "The West Wing", "Fear Factor", and "Joey" plastered on the walls. The door that had a sign reading "Warren Littlerod, Entertainment President" opened. A short balding guy with a beard and glasses was showing a nervous tanned guy the exit.

"I'm sorry," Littlerod sniffed. "But that idea just isn't up to the high standards of NBC. Next!"

Meek put on his game face while Gilda followed him into the office looking bored. Meek said cheerfully "Hey, my name is Meek Anderson and I'm here to pitch an idea that you're gonna love!"

Littlerod looked mildly interested. "I'm Listening."

Meek continued: " See, it's a show called 'Mentally Ill Survivor'. Ya get 16 people suffering form all different manners of psychosis: schizophrenia, Bi-polar, OCD and crippling phobias and strand them all on a deserted island fending for food, water, and shelter.

"The fun comes from watching everyone break down. Challenges include being thrown into a pit covered by rabid rats, eating cancerous tumors, and seeing who can go the longest without their medication.

"Refusal to participate in said challenges will be punishable by savage beatings and being forced look at nude pictures of Jerri Manthey. People will be voted off based soley on appearances. Losers are executed live on television.

"The winner recieves $1000. O.J. Simpson hosts," Meek finished. He smiled "Whaddaya think?"

There was dead silence.

A half hour later Meek and Gilda were walking down the street. Meek was counting a wad of thousand dollar bills. "Boy, never make a joke to a network executive..."

Gilda looked at him casually. "I just wanna know what the guy BEFORE you pitched."

The End.

Well, that was short, but again, I don't want to annoy you all if you don't like it. I can start my regular stories in about a week if I get some positive feedback. If not, I'll just skulk back into the corners.

Anyone?

<crickets chirping>