DanniB
10-27-2001, 11:25 PM
[Open on Histeria: Int. The kids are dressed up in Halloween costumes.]
Toast: (Dressed as Gene Simmons from Kiss) This Halloween is going to rock!
Pepper: (Dressed in a tank top and torn jeans) AHHHH! I can’t believe were going trick- or –treating!
Toast: I’m gonna eat so much candy, I’m gonna get sick and barf. It’ll be killer!
(Cho-Cho and Lucky bob enter)
Cho- Cho: (Dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein.) We’re very excited to go trick or treating.
Lucky bob: (Dressed as Igor) Yeth now.
Cho- Cho: Lucky Bob wants to get lots of candy.
Lucky Bob: You are correct sir!
Toast: You don’t have to worry about that dudes, I made a list of the best houses for us to go to. We’re going to get so much candy it’ll make Hershey’s jealous.
Froggo: (Enters wrapped in toilet paper. He is having some difficulty walking.) Uh. A little help here.
Pepper: AHHH! Froggo, Are you supposed to be a mummy?
Froggo: (Sarcastically) No, I cut myself shaving.
(Pepper looks at him confused. A darkly cloaked figure sneaks up behind her.)
Loud: (Dressed as a vampire) BOO!
Pepper: (jumps and screams) AHHHHH!!!!!!
Loud: (Laughing) GOTCHA! HA!
Toast: Hey dude, cool costume.
Loud: YEAH, I THOUGHT SO TOO!
Aka: (Dressed as a witch) I was surprised he could find fake fangs big enough for his big fat mouth.
Loud: HEY!
Pepper: Ohh! That’s so cool! And I’m going as Buffy! We could be a pair. (She holds her wooden steak over his head)
Loud: (Pushing her hand away) Uh, no thanks. Besides I’m already going with Charity.
Charity: (Dressed as an angel) I’m only going for the candy.
Aka: Umm hmm, We know that once you and Loud get alone together you two are gonna kiss.
Froggo: Yeah, you guys have been dating for how long now?
Charity: Guys, we haven’t been “dating” dating.
Pepper: I would call this a date. You and him together, [Wink] walking side by side, [Wink, wink] in the dark… [BIG wink]
Charity: … Wearing silly costumes and asking for candy from strangers.
Toast: Sounds like a romantic evening to me.
Aka: Hey, are we going to trick or treat or just stand here looking like the “Rocky Horror Picture Show”?
Cho-Cho: Let’s go!
Lucky bob: Yeth, we’re getting candy now.
(They start leaving)
Froggo: Hey, Loud, if things get too scary are you going to hold Charity’s hand.
Loud: Shut up bandage boy.
[The kids walk up to large house surrounded w/ marble pillars.]
Loud: HERE’S THE FIRST HOUSE!
Pepper: AHHHHH! I’m so excited! (Runs around in circles.) AHHHHH!
Aka: Calm down girlfriend, we don’t wanna be pulling you out of orbit.
Froggo: What are we waiting for? Let’s go get candy.
Lucky bob: Candy!
(Toast knocks on the door, Julius Caesar answers.)
Caesar: Yes?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Caesar: What?
Cho- Cho: Trick or treat mista`.
Lucky bob: Yes now.
Caesar: What do you Coo- coo kids want?
Toast: Cha, we already said it like twice already, trick or treat dude.
Aka: It’s Halloween, an’ we want candy, didn’t you hear us the first times.
Loud: OR ARE YOU DEAF?
Caesar: Halloween? What’s that?
Charity: It’s the celebration of all hollows eve, a pagan holiday that worships the dead sprits. After the Catholic Church brought it into their culture it was called all saints day to honor Christian saints.
Cho- Cho: And now we dress up and go door to door looking for candy.
Lucky bob: Yes now.
Caesar: Whew, if that’s all you kids wanted why didn’t you just say so in the first place. Hold on, I think I might have something. (He goes inside and comes back w/ a dish of candy and gives handfuls to the kids.)
Aka: Now dat’s moe like it.
Toast: And you’d better not be giving us any of that healthy crud, or else we’re going to have to egg your chariot.
[At the next house, a large palace, the kids knock on the door. Queen Elizabeth answers.]
Liz: What do you little children want here?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Lucky bob: Smell my feet.
Liz: I most certainly will not.
Froggo: Will you give us candy?
Liz: Candy? Couldn’t you kids be doing better things with your time than bothering people begging for fatty treats?
Kids: No.
Aka: Hey lady, when we ask for candy we expect you to fork over somethin’ sweet. And if it don’t rot our teeth we ain’t happy.
Liz: Well, I never…
Loud: WELL YOU’D BETTER.
Liz: Well, if you must be insistent, I do have some ribbon candy I could give you.
Pepper: All right! You are the coolest! Ahhhh! (She jumps up and hugs Liz.)
Liz: You cease this immediately! (Drops Pepper to the ground) It appears *you’ve* had enough sugar already.
Pepper: (getting up) Hey, I’m always like this!
[Later the kids approach the next house on their list; The White House]
Froggo: Is this the next house?
Toast: (Looks at list) Sure is. Let’s go.
(They knock on the door Mary –Todd Lincoln answers the door)
Mary: Who is it?
Kids: Trick or treat.
Mary: Aw, how sweet. Aren’t you all so cute in your little costumes. (Calling) Abe! Come and look at these cute children trick or treating.
Abe: (From inside the house) Not now Mary, I’m busy writing my speech for Gettysburg.
Mary: Come on Abe, come see how adorable they are.
Abe: Oh all right. (He comes to door) Well, isn’t that just darling.
Aka: Hey, If somebody goes callin’ us cute one moe time, I’m gonna haf’ta kick some serious hiennie.
Abe: Let’s see what we have here, a vampire, and a little angel, and a hunchback, and some zombies…
Toast: Zombies? Haven’t you ever been to a Kiss concert before?
Mary: That sounds like something a boy your age shouldn’t be involved with.
Abe: (To Pepper) And what are you supposed to be little girl?
Pepper: Duh- uh. One, I’m not little, and two, I’m Buffy the Vampire slayer. Super cool teenage warrior fighting against evil.
Toast: And super hot babe. Sara Michelle Gellar rocks!
Pepper: (Making karate moves) Yeeha, ohwah, Ya! (Stakes Loud in the Butt)
Loud: YOW! (Rubs his butt) HEY, CUT IT OUT!
Froggo: Do you have to do that every time someone doesn’t know who you are?
Loud: IT’S REALLY PISSING ME OFF!
Abe: Settle down kids. Mary why don’t you give them some of those nut logs the senator sent us.
Charity: Nut logs?
Abe: Yeah, you live your childhood in a log cabin, then once you’re president people send you log things ‘cause they think it’s a cute joke.
Mary: (Putting candy into the kids bags) Here you go kids, now what do you say? (Kids stare blank faced)
Charity: Um, There’s a big scary spider on your shoulder?
Pepper: There is?!? Ahhh! (Runs around screaming then falls to the ground)
Toast: Uh, Kiss rocks?
Cho- Cho: I’m a spooky ghost?
Lucky bob: Trick or treat!
Cho- Cho: No, no, we said that already.
Lucky bob: Oh. Smell my feet?
Mary: (Chuckles) no, you’re supposed to say, “thank you”.
Kids: Ohhhhhhhhh. (They walk away saying nothing)
Abe: Well that was rude.
Mary: Oh Abe, they’re only children. (She shuts door)
[The kids sit on a roadside looking at their bounty]
Pepper: Wow! Look at all the candy we got!
Loud: IT’S THE MOTHER LOAD!
Toast: And there’s a lot more where that came from, we’re only half done with my list.
Aka: Hey Toast, about your list.
Toast: What about it?
Aka: It’s these names.
Charity: Yeah, we can understand some of these, and yes we can go to Babe Ruth’s house, but the rest of these names are completely silly. Like this one, who is Charleston chew?
Aka: And these, there is no Mr. Goodbar, or a Willy Wonka as much as we wish there was, and who is Clark Question mark, Question mark, Question mark?
Toast: Cha, it’s the dude that invented the Clark bar. I didn’t know his last name.
Aka: And another thing, we are not visiting the three musketeers.
Toast: Aw, bummer. They would have given us chocolate bars.
Pepper: And that D’artanian is such a hottie!
[Outside the next house, the kids see a gong where the doorbell would be.]
Froggo: Are we supposed to ring that?
Loud: I’LL DO IT!
Charity: Figures.
(He runs over to the gong, cracks his knuckles, picks up the gong mallet and hits the gong w/ it.)
Lucky Bob: Trick or…
Cho- Cho: (Interrupting) not yet.
(The door opens Qin shi Huangdi is there.)
Qin: This had better be important, I’m in the middle of a game of Mahjong. (The kids stare at him unsure of how to answer.) Well, what is it? Don’t just stand there looking like one of those paintings of the kids with the big eyes.
Toast: Uh, we want candy dude.
Lucky Bob: Yeth, now.
Qin: Candy? Who do you think I am the Sweety- treats man?
Toast: Well, uh?
Qin: Do you think I have the time to tend to everyone who comes here asking, (whining) “Oh Mr. Emperor, we’d like some candy. Oh, please do you have a Zagnut bar you can spare?”
Toast: Cha, major Scrooge.
Froggo: Talk about having no Halloween spirit.
Qin: (As Jerry Lewis) Ohh! I didn’t know it was Halloween, with the dressing up in the costumes and the tricking and the treating. Oh I’m a big ol’ Halloweenie for forgetting Halloween. Wait right here, I’ll go get some chewy snacky candied sweets for you to have. *Flameil!* (He goes inside)
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
Aka: But a nut with candy nonetheless.
Lucky bob: You are correct sir, Hi-yo!
(Qin comes back w/ a handful of candy bars)
Qin: (Still talking like J. Lewis.) Here you go kiddies. Don’t eat it all in one place (puts candy in kids bags)
Cho- Cho: Thanks mista’
Loud: THANK YOU!
Charity: Whatever.
Qin: (still like Lewis) Oh, I’m so happy I could help out you kids. (In his real voice) Now get off my lawn.
(He shuts door)
[Later; it’s getting dark outside, the kids are leaving a house)
Charity: Well that was a waste.
Toast: Yeah, you would think that being from Switzerland, Einstein would have some good chocolate. All I got was this crummy granola bar.
Cho- Cho: At least it’s better than those pennies I got. What did you get lucky Bob?
Lucky Bob: I got a rock.
Pepper: (Looking over her shoulder) Hey, What are those two fighting about?
(They all turn around to see Loud and Aka arguing)
Aka: Give em’ to me.
Loud: No!
Aka: Come on, hand them over.
Loud: (Folds arms and shakes head) Uh- uh.
Aka: Either spit em’ out or I’m gonna take em’ out myself. (Loud covers his mouth)
Loud: (Muffled) No way.
Froggo: Just give them to her Loud.
Loud: Fine. (Takes fake fangs out of his mouth and hands them to Aka.) YOU HAPPY NOW?
Aka: That’ll teach you not to bite people.
Loud: But Mussolini was asking for it! He was such a grouch!
Charity: I agree, and he tried to give us ten- week- old meatballs.
Lucky bob: (Chewing on a meatball) I didn’t mind.
Aka: That still doesn’t give him the right to bite anyone.
Pepper: Aw, Charity’s just sticking up for her boyfriend.
Charity: Do you always have to bother us about that?
Loud: Come on guys, stop harassing us. You don’t bother Cho- Cho about hanging out with Lucky Bob.
Aka: Well… (Looks at Lucky bob picking his nose) Maybe we shouldn’t be getting into that.
Charity: (Looks at watch) It’s late, we should start heading back to the ship.
Toast: Aw, come on, we have one more house to go to.
Charity: Ok, but then we go home.
Aka: Fine. Let’s go. [Pause] Then you can have Loud all to yourself for the rest of the night.
(Loud and Charity exchange unpleased glances)
[At the last house the kids ring the doorbell. Joseph Stalin answers the door]
Stalin: (Grumpy) What?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Stalin: Go away! (Slams door in their faces. Kids ring bell again)
Kids: Trick or treat!
Stalin: I thought I told you to go away.
Aka: Not until you give us some candy.
Stalin: I do not have to give you candy, I am Stalin.
Toast: And we are waiting for you to give you to give us candy.
Stalin: No! (Slams door again)
Cho- Cho: This guy’s a real sourpuss.
Lucky Bob: Yes now. (Kids ring bell once again)
Stalin: Do you children wish to be purged?!? Get off my property!
Aka: We ain’t budgin’ `til we get our candy!
Stalin: If you do not go away, I will have you all sent to Siberia!
Lucky Bob: Is there candy in Siberia?
Stalin: No. But there is the chance of freezing to death in a icy blizzard.
Loud: WHAT A GRUMP!
Stalin: Why don’t you mind your own beeswax little big mouth boy.
Aka: Listen Mr., like I said we ain’t movin’ until you give us candy.
Stalin: And like I said, GO AWAY! (Slams door again)
Pepper: Man, he was like, a total jerk.
Charity: We may as well give up.
Toast: No way man! I’m not giving up until that dude learns not to deny trick or treaters candy.
Froggo: But what are we going to do?
Cho- Cho: Beats me.
Toast: I’ve got an idea!
Charity: Isn’t that a sign of the Apocalypse?
Toast: No Dudes, it’s a good one. Hey, Froggo, you got any of that toilet paper left?
[Later in the evening, Stalin is sitting in a big chair by a fireplace when the doorbell rings]
Stalin: Now what? (He goes to the door and opens it) Who is there? (An egg hits him in the face.)
Kids: (laughing) Trick or treat!
Stalin: (Angry) What is the meaning of this!!! (Kids laugh and run away) Come back here! (He chases after them only to run into a barrage of silly string.)
Aka: Heads up! (Laughs)
Stalin: Arg! Stop this right now! (He falls over covered head to toe with silly string.) When I get my hands on you kids you will all be purged! (He looks up) Ahhrrggh! (He sees his house covered with Toilet paper)
[Back on Histeria, the kids are sitting around their candy bags laughing heartily.]
Pepper: I can’t believe we T.P.ed Stalin’s house! And lived!
Toast: I told you dudes it was a good plan.
Loud: THAT’LL TEACH ‘IM!
Aka: We got ‘im good!
Cho- Cho: And we have all this candy!
Lucky Bob: (With candy up his nose) Hi yo!
Pepper: Let’s pig out! AHHHH!
(They search around in their bags)
Aka: I’ve got some candy corn.
Toast: Dude, I got a bag of Raisinettes. Any body have any Goobers they want to trade?
Loud: I have liquorice.
Charity: (Puts her head on his shoulder) I’m in the mood for something sweeter.
Others: Ohhhh.
Charity: I didn’t mean it like that!
Loud: YEAH, LEAVE US ALONE WILL YA. (A low growl comes from an hidden source) Was that you?
Aka: No. Didn’t you make that noise?
Loud: Wasn’t me. Pepper?
Pepper: Toast, did you eat all your candy too fast?
Toast: Dude that didn’t come from me. (The growl happens again.) Was that you Froggo?
Froggo: No. Charity was it you?
Charity: No. Cho- Cho?
Cho-Cho: Not me. Lucky Bob?
Lucky bob: (pointing) Maybe it was him. (They look at the wall at which Lucky Bob is pointing at. They all see a large ominous shadow.)
Charity: (Fearfully) W- Who’s t- Th- there? (She hugs Loud)
Cho- Cho: Hello? [Growl] Eee!
Pepper: Ahhh! (She jumps into Toasts arms. He topples over)
Froggo: Just chill guys, there’s nothing to worry about [Growl] *Gulp* or not.
(The figure growls loudly. The kids scream and run away. The figure jumps out of the shadows. It is a small round body wearing a wolf mask and a diaper.)
Figure: Ohhh, hee he hee. (He walks over to the candy spilt all over the floor) Nummy.
(He removes his mask to reveal himself as the round, chubby Big Fat Baby)
BFB: Can –dee! Yummy yum. (Stuffs candy into his mouth) Mmmm. Happy halla- ween!
THE END
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Toast: (Dressed as Gene Simmons from Kiss) This Halloween is going to rock!
Pepper: (Dressed in a tank top and torn jeans) AHHHH! I can’t believe were going trick- or –treating!
Toast: I’m gonna eat so much candy, I’m gonna get sick and barf. It’ll be killer!
(Cho-Cho and Lucky bob enter)
Cho- Cho: (Dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein.) We’re very excited to go trick or treating.
Lucky bob: (Dressed as Igor) Yeth now.
Cho- Cho: Lucky Bob wants to get lots of candy.
Lucky Bob: You are correct sir!
Toast: You don’t have to worry about that dudes, I made a list of the best houses for us to go to. We’re going to get so much candy it’ll make Hershey’s jealous.
Froggo: (Enters wrapped in toilet paper. He is having some difficulty walking.) Uh. A little help here.
Pepper: AHHH! Froggo, Are you supposed to be a mummy?
Froggo: (Sarcastically) No, I cut myself shaving.
(Pepper looks at him confused. A darkly cloaked figure sneaks up behind her.)
Loud: (Dressed as a vampire) BOO!
Pepper: (jumps and screams) AHHHHH!!!!!!
Loud: (Laughing) GOTCHA! HA!
Toast: Hey dude, cool costume.
Loud: YEAH, I THOUGHT SO TOO!
Aka: (Dressed as a witch) I was surprised he could find fake fangs big enough for his big fat mouth.
Loud: HEY!
Pepper: Ohh! That’s so cool! And I’m going as Buffy! We could be a pair. (She holds her wooden steak over his head)
Loud: (Pushing her hand away) Uh, no thanks. Besides I’m already going with Charity.
Charity: (Dressed as an angel) I’m only going for the candy.
Aka: Umm hmm, We know that once you and Loud get alone together you two are gonna kiss.
Froggo: Yeah, you guys have been dating for how long now?
Charity: Guys, we haven’t been “dating” dating.
Pepper: I would call this a date. You and him together, [Wink] walking side by side, [Wink, wink] in the dark… [BIG wink]
Charity: … Wearing silly costumes and asking for candy from strangers.
Toast: Sounds like a romantic evening to me.
Aka: Hey, are we going to trick or treat or just stand here looking like the “Rocky Horror Picture Show”?
Cho-Cho: Let’s go!
Lucky bob: Yeth, we’re getting candy now.
(They start leaving)
Froggo: Hey, Loud, if things get too scary are you going to hold Charity’s hand.
Loud: Shut up bandage boy.
[The kids walk up to large house surrounded w/ marble pillars.]
Loud: HERE’S THE FIRST HOUSE!
Pepper: AHHHHH! I’m so excited! (Runs around in circles.) AHHHHH!
Aka: Calm down girlfriend, we don’t wanna be pulling you out of orbit.
Froggo: What are we waiting for? Let’s go get candy.
Lucky bob: Candy!
(Toast knocks on the door, Julius Caesar answers.)
Caesar: Yes?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Caesar: What?
Cho- Cho: Trick or treat mista`.
Lucky bob: Yes now.
Caesar: What do you Coo- coo kids want?
Toast: Cha, we already said it like twice already, trick or treat dude.
Aka: It’s Halloween, an’ we want candy, didn’t you hear us the first times.
Loud: OR ARE YOU DEAF?
Caesar: Halloween? What’s that?
Charity: It’s the celebration of all hollows eve, a pagan holiday that worships the dead sprits. After the Catholic Church brought it into their culture it was called all saints day to honor Christian saints.
Cho- Cho: And now we dress up and go door to door looking for candy.
Lucky bob: Yes now.
Caesar: Whew, if that’s all you kids wanted why didn’t you just say so in the first place. Hold on, I think I might have something. (He goes inside and comes back w/ a dish of candy and gives handfuls to the kids.)
Aka: Now dat’s moe like it.
Toast: And you’d better not be giving us any of that healthy crud, or else we’re going to have to egg your chariot.
[At the next house, a large palace, the kids knock on the door. Queen Elizabeth answers.]
Liz: What do you little children want here?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Lucky bob: Smell my feet.
Liz: I most certainly will not.
Froggo: Will you give us candy?
Liz: Candy? Couldn’t you kids be doing better things with your time than bothering people begging for fatty treats?
Kids: No.
Aka: Hey lady, when we ask for candy we expect you to fork over somethin’ sweet. And if it don’t rot our teeth we ain’t happy.
Liz: Well, I never…
Loud: WELL YOU’D BETTER.
Liz: Well, if you must be insistent, I do have some ribbon candy I could give you.
Pepper: All right! You are the coolest! Ahhhh! (She jumps up and hugs Liz.)
Liz: You cease this immediately! (Drops Pepper to the ground) It appears *you’ve* had enough sugar already.
Pepper: (getting up) Hey, I’m always like this!
[Later the kids approach the next house on their list; The White House]
Froggo: Is this the next house?
Toast: (Looks at list) Sure is. Let’s go.
(They knock on the door Mary –Todd Lincoln answers the door)
Mary: Who is it?
Kids: Trick or treat.
Mary: Aw, how sweet. Aren’t you all so cute in your little costumes. (Calling) Abe! Come and look at these cute children trick or treating.
Abe: (From inside the house) Not now Mary, I’m busy writing my speech for Gettysburg.
Mary: Come on Abe, come see how adorable they are.
Abe: Oh all right. (He comes to door) Well, isn’t that just darling.
Aka: Hey, If somebody goes callin’ us cute one moe time, I’m gonna haf’ta kick some serious hiennie.
Abe: Let’s see what we have here, a vampire, and a little angel, and a hunchback, and some zombies…
Toast: Zombies? Haven’t you ever been to a Kiss concert before?
Mary: That sounds like something a boy your age shouldn’t be involved with.
Abe: (To Pepper) And what are you supposed to be little girl?
Pepper: Duh- uh. One, I’m not little, and two, I’m Buffy the Vampire slayer. Super cool teenage warrior fighting against evil.
Toast: And super hot babe. Sara Michelle Gellar rocks!
Pepper: (Making karate moves) Yeeha, ohwah, Ya! (Stakes Loud in the Butt)
Loud: YOW! (Rubs his butt) HEY, CUT IT OUT!
Froggo: Do you have to do that every time someone doesn’t know who you are?
Loud: IT’S REALLY PISSING ME OFF!
Abe: Settle down kids. Mary why don’t you give them some of those nut logs the senator sent us.
Charity: Nut logs?
Abe: Yeah, you live your childhood in a log cabin, then once you’re president people send you log things ‘cause they think it’s a cute joke.
Mary: (Putting candy into the kids bags) Here you go kids, now what do you say? (Kids stare blank faced)
Charity: Um, There’s a big scary spider on your shoulder?
Pepper: There is?!? Ahhh! (Runs around screaming then falls to the ground)
Toast: Uh, Kiss rocks?
Cho- Cho: I’m a spooky ghost?
Lucky bob: Trick or treat!
Cho- Cho: No, no, we said that already.
Lucky bob: Oh. Smell my feet?
Mary: (Chuckles) no, you’re supposed to say, “thank you”.
Kids: Ohhhhhhhhh. (They walk away saying nothing)
Abe: Well that was rude.
Mary: Oh Abe, they’re only children. (She shuts door)
[The kids sit on a roadside looking at their bounty]
Pepper: Wow! Look at all the candy we got!
Loud: IT’S THE MOTHER LOAD!
Toast: And there’s a lot more where that came from, we’re only half done with my list.
Aka: Hey Toast, about your list.
Toast: What about it?
Aka: It’s these names.
Charity: Yeah, we can understand some of these, and yes we can go to Babe Ruth’s house, but the rest of these names are completely silly. Like this one, who is Charleston chew?
Aka: And these, there is no Mr. Goodbar, or a Willy Wonka as much as we wish there was, and who is Clark Question mark, Question mark, Question mark?
Toast: Cha, it’s the dude that invented the Clark bar. I didn’t know his last name.
Aka: And another thing, we are not visiting the three musketeers.
Toast: Aw, bummer. They would have given us chocolate bars.
Pepper: And that D’artanian is such a hottie!
[Outside the next house, the kids see a gong where the doorbell would be.]
Froggo: Are we supposed to ring that?
Loud: I’LL DO IT!
Charity: Figures.
(He runs over to the gong, cracks his knuckles, picks up the gong mallet and hits the gong w/ it.)
Lucky Bob: Trick or…
Cho- Cho: (Interrupting) not yet.
(The door opens Qin shi Huangdi is there.)
Qin: This had better be important, I’m in the middle of a game of Mahjong. (The kids stare at him unsure of how to answer.) Well, what is it? Don’t just stand there looking like one of those paintings of the kids with the big eyes.
Toast: Uh, we want candy dude.
Lucky Bob: Yeth, now.
Qin: Candy? Who do you think I am the Sweety- treats man?
Toast: Well, uh?
Qin: Do you think I have the time to tend to everyone who comes here asking, (whining) “Oh Mr. Emperor, we’d like some candy. Oh, please do you have a Zagnut bar you can spare?”
Toast: Cha, major Scrooge.
Froggo: Talk about having no Halloween spirit.
Qin: (As Jerry Lewis) Ohh! I didn’t know it was Halloween, with the dressing up in the costumes and the tricking and the treating. Oh I’m a big ol’ Halloweenie for forgetting Halloween. Wait right here, I’ll go get some chewy snacky candied sweets for you to have. *Flameil!* (He goes inside)
Loud: WHAT A NUT!
Aka: But a nut with candy nonetheless.
Lucky bob: You are correct sir, Hi-yo!
(Qin comes back w/ a handful of candy bars)
Qin: (Still talking like J. Lewis.) Here you go kiddies. Don’t eat it all in one place (puts candy in kids bags)
Cho- Cho: Thanks mista’
Loud: THANK YOU!
Charity: Whatever.
Qin: (still like Lewis) Oh, I’m so happy I could help out you kids. (In his real voice) Now get off my lawn.
(He shuts door)
[Later; it’s getting dark outside, the kids are leaving a house)
Charity: Well that was a waste.
Toast: Yeah, you would think that being from Switzerland, Einstein would have some good chocolate. All I got was this crummy granola bar.
Cho- Cho: At least it’s better than those pennies I got. What did you get lucky Bob?
Lucky Bob: I got a rock.
Pepper: (Looking over her shoulder) Hey, What are those two fighting about?
(They all turn around to see Loud and Aka arguing)
Aka: Give em’ to me.
Loud: No!
Aka: Come on, hand them over.
Loud: (Folds arms and shakes head) Uh- uh.
Aka: Either spit em’ out or I’m gonna take em’ out myself. (Loud covers his mouth)
Loud: (Muffled) No way.
Froggo: Just give them to her Loud.
Loud: Fine. (Takes fake fangs out of his mouth and hands them to Aka.) YOU HAPPY NOW?
Aka: That’ll teach you not to bite people.
Loud: But Mussolini was asking for it! He was such a grouch!
Charity: I agree, and he tried to give us ten- week- old meatballs.
Lucky bob: (Chewing on a meatball) I didn’t mind.
Aka: That still doesn’t give him the right to bite anyone.
Pepper: Aw, Charity’s just sticking up for her boyfriend.
Charity: Do you always have to bother us about that?
Loud: Come on guys, stop harassing us. You don’t bother Cho- Cho about hanging out with Lucky Bob.
Aka: Well… (Looks at Lucky bob picking his nose) Maybe we shouldn’t be getting into that.
Charity: (Looks at watch) It’s late, we should start heading back to the ship.
Toast: Aw, come on, we have one more house to go to.
Charity: Ok, but then we go home.
Aka: Fine. Let’s go. [Pause] Then you can have Loud all to yourself for the rest of the night.
(Loud and Charity exchange unpleased glances)
[At the last house the kids ring the doorbell. Joseph Stalin answers the door]
Stalin: (Grumpy) What?
Kids: Trick or treat!
Stalin: Go away! (Slams door in their faces. Kids ring bell again)
Kids: Trick or treat!
Stalin: I thought I told you to go away.
Aka: Not until you give us some candy.
Stalin: I do not have to give you candy, I am Stalin.
Toast: And we are waiting for you to give you to give us candy.
Stalin: No! (Slams door again)
Cho- Cho: This guy’s a real sourpuss.
Lucky Bob: Yes now. (Kids ring bell once again)
Stalin: Do you children wish to be purged?!? Get off my property!
Aka: We ain’t budgin’ `til we get our candy!
Stalin: If you do not go away, I will have you all sent to Siberia!
Lucky Bob: Is there candy in Siberia?
Stalin: No. But there is the chance of freezing to death in a icy blizzard.
Loud: WHAT A GRUMP!
Stalin: Why don’t you mind your own beeswax little big mouth boy.
Aka: Listen Mr., like I said we ain’t movin’ until you give us candy.
Stalin: And like I said, GO AWAY! (Slams door again)
Pepper: Man, he was like, a total jerk.
Charity: We may as well give up.
Toast: No way man! I’m not giving up until that dude learns not to deny trick or treaters candy.
Froggo: But what are we going to do?
Cho- Cho: Beats me.
Toast: I’ve got an idea!
Charity: Isn’t that a sign of the Apocalypse?
Toast: No Dudes, it’s a good one. Hey, Froggo, you got any of that toilet paper left?
[Later in the evening, Stalin is sitting in a big chair by a fireplace when the doorbell rings]
Stalin: Now what? (He goes to the door and opens it) Who is there? (An egg hits him in the face.)
Kids: (laughing) Trick or treat!
Stalin: (Angry) What is the meaning of this!!! (Kids laugh and run away) Come back here! (He chases after them only to run into a barrage of silly string.)
Aka: Heads up! (Laughs)
Stalin: Arg! Stop this right now! (He falls over covered head to toe with silly string.) When I get my hands on you kids you will all be purged! (He looks up) Ahhrrggh! (He sees his house covered with Toilet paper)
[Back on Histeria, the kids are sitting around their candy bags laughing heartily.]
Pepper: I can’t believe we T.P.ed Stalin’s house! And lived!
Toast: I told you dudes it was a good plan.
Loud: THAT’LL TEACH ‘IM!
Aka: We got ‘im good!
Cho- Cho: And we have all this candy!
Lucky Bob: (With candy up his nose) Hi yo!
Pepper: Let’s pig out! AHHHH!
(They search around in their bags)
Aka: I’ve got some candy corn.
Toast: Dude, I got a bag of Raisinettes. Any body have any Goobers they want to trade?
Loud: I have liquorice.
Charity: (Puts her head on his shoulder) I’m in the mood for something sweeter.
Others: Ohhhh.
Charity: I didn’t mean it like that!
Loud: YEAH, LEAVE US ALONE WILL YA. (A low growl comes from an hidden source) Was that you?
Aka: No. Didn’t you make that noise?
Loud: Wasn’t me. Pepper?
Pepper: Toast, did you eat all your candy too fast?
Toast: Dude that didn’t come from me. (The growl happens again.) Was that you Froggo?
Froggo: No. Charity was it you?
Charity: No. Cho- Cho?
Cho-Cho: Not me. Lucky Bob?
Lucky bob: (pointing) Maybe it was him. (They look at the wall at which Lucky Bob is pointing at. They all see a large ominous shadow.)
Charity: (Fearfully) W- Who’s t- Th- there? (She hugs Loud)
Cho- Cho: Hello? [Growl] Eee!
Pepper: Ahhh! (She jumps into Toasts arms. He topples over)
Froggo: Just chill guys, there’s nothing to worry about [Growl] *Gulp* or not.
(The figure growls loudly. The kids scream and run away. The figure jumps out of the shadows. It is a small round body wearing a wolf mask and a diaper.)
Figure: Ohhh, hee he hee. (He walks over to the candy spilt all over the floor) Nummy.
(He removes his mask to reveal himself as the round, chubby Big Fat Baby)
BFB: Can –dee! Yummy yum. (Stuffs candy into his mouth) Mmmm. Happy halla- ween!
THE END
HAPPY HALLOWEEN