Relationships: The Break-up...

[Trent Lane]

Okay, continuing the recent relationship threads, here's another topic. Recently, I've been taking a lot of time talking to my best friend, as he and his girlfriend appear to be headed to a break up. He calls her and e-mails her and gets either no response or the "I have to go" response in "that" voice. Now she says she needs some space and some time to be alone, but still wants to remain frineds... My question is, Is this her way of breaking up with him, or do they actually stand a chance? Only having one semi-serious relationship of my own for reference, I'm not sure which it is....

[I.R Joey]

Isn't it amazing how they always want to be freinds after they rip out your heart, tear it to pieces, and stomp on it, and "then" they want to be freinds?

I think that they're heading towards a breakup. I've never been enslaved...uhhh I mean in a relationship, so I can't really give advice. But I say that if she is trying to get away from him, then it must mean that she wants out.

[Trent Lane]

I think he knows it, but just doesn't want to admit it. He's bent over backwards for this girl and this is what he gets in return. It's a cruel world, but who knows, this may all work out for the best...

[Psycho Fox]

Well it is not good but not totally bad. It most likely either

a)she is confused with the relationship ie conflicting fewlings

or

b)She wants out but doesn't want to hurt his feeling

It sounds like A with a bit of B but A could lead to a break up. Of course it could be something else as well

[Trent Lane]

Okay, I forgot to add a bit of info that might help make the descision easier- they live about an hour and a half from each other... Now what do you think?...

[I.R Joey]

Oh yeah long range relationships can be tough.

[Cyclops]

I think Psycho Fox is on to something, especially with this new information. Maybe she is having conflicting feelings about their "long-distance" relationship. But in my opinion I think they are heading for a break-up.

[Calhoun07]

I think he needs to boot her booty asap. She obviously doesn't appreciate him for who he is, so who needs her? If he's bent over backwards for her and she's treating him like this, then forget it. She won't ever just suddenly wake up one day with changed emotions. It would be disaster to try to make this relationship any more than it is.

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by calhoun07
I think he needs to boot her booty asap. She obviously doesn't appreciate him for who he is, so who needs her? If he's bent over backwards for her and she's treating him like this, then forget it. She won't ever just suddenly wake up one day with changed emotions. It would be disaster to try to make this relationship any more than it is. I think that is a bit tough and while she won't wake up one day wanting to get back to normal she might wake up with the idea of starting from scatch. This is just me but I would politely suggest to her of both going seprate ways but leave the door open for freindship.

[optimal321]

Well, here's my input, after just hearing the "let's just be friends" crap:

Yeah, it sucks. That is probably the worst thing you can hear. At least if it had really ended badly he could hate her and get over it. But the best thing your friend can do is keep his head up high and try to move on. It sounds like he gave a shot at fixing things, but since her reaction sounds all too familiar, it's over. And honestly, things might work out okay in the end. But right now, all he should do is try to back off and get over her.

And he can still remember the good times. I would actually rather be in a relationship and have a break up than get shot down all the time. But it still sucks. And nothing i say can make him feel better.

But yeah, it's over.

[Trent Lane]

That's pretty much the way I see it. The thing that makes it worse though is that he bought concert tickets for her for about five concerts in the coming month, so he's going to try and go with her, but he's going to be a wreck. One of tthose concerts I'm joining them, so that's going to be really awkward...

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by flhero311
That's pretty much the way I see it. The thing that makes it worse though is that he bought concert tickets for her for about five concerts in the coming month, so he's going to try and go with her, but he's going to be a wreck. One of tthose concerts I'm joining them, so that's going to be really awkward... Well he has 2 choices find another girl to take or take her as a freind.

[Kal-el]

It's over. Long distance plus the "want to be friends line" equals she wants out and is trying to soften the blow. It will be hard at first, but dragging it out will make it much harder in the future. The just friends line is a classic, used by guys and girls alike. It usually doesn't happen. Life is too short to worry about one relationship that doesn't sound too solid anyway. Moving on but learning from the experience will make for better future relationships.

[DR. BELCH]

--the "let's be friends" break-up is preferable to the no-closure drop-off-the-face of-the-planet breakup, which usually ends with a lame excuse like "I have to take my mom to work". I've gotten both of those...within a month of each other, no less. It's even worse, though, if things were iffy before she up and walks out, because one doesn't know what to do in that situation. Especially if one phones/writes a letter, but she's moved with no forwarding address, or, worse, she does respond but tries to say that it wasn't her you were with all that time; it was some friend of hers using her name/number. At least this girl will acknowledge that they had something...nothing worse than finding out you were dating a phantom. "Well...uh...do you have her number/address, then?"

[Calhoun07]

Originally posted by Psycho Fox
I think that is a bit tough and while she won't wake up one day wanting to get back to normal she might wake up with the idea of starting from scatch. This is just me but I would politely suggest to her of both going seprate ways but leave the door open for freindship.

Never! Never give into the "let's be friends" line! NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by calhoun07


Never! Never give into the "let's be friends" line! NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER! Uhhh, yhea. Fighting it just makes it worse.

[Kal-el]

Cal's got it. Do not give in to the "friends" line. It will suck you in. May even make you a dreaded doormat. Be strong. Remember what Spock said, the needs of the one who was given the friends line outweighs the needs of the giver of the friends line (or something like that).

[Calhoun07]

I thought Spock said "Only Nixon could go to China."

[Kal-el]

Hmmm. Could have been a deleted scene from one of the movies. Can't quite place it. Maybe it was Bones or Nurse Chappel who had the relationship advice? We know what Kirk would have done so it couldn't have been him.

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by Kal-el
Cal's got it. Do not give in to the "friends" line. It will suck you in. May even make you a dreaded doormat. Be strong. Remember what Spock said, the needs of the one who was given the friends line outweighs the needs of the giver of the friends line (or something like that). Look you shouldn't be eger to just be freinds but avoiding contact is not that great either. Try a happy medium. Just becouse things don't work out doesn't mean you have to be cold to each other.

[Trent Lane]

I was happy for the both of them, and was pretty cool with her. But now I'll avoid her if at all possible, she's a- well, you know. All this will come back to get her someday, though...

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by flhero311
I was happy for the both of them, and was pretty cool with her. But now I'll avoid her if at all possible, she's a- well, you know. All this will come back to get her someday, though... I wouldn't be so quick to judge. Are you she she's a *****?. You don't know what is going on in her mind. It looks like she is confused and tring to hit the breaks in as a polite way as she knows how..

[Trent Lane]

It's just the angry side of me talking. Pay no attention...

[Clayface]

Originally posted by Kal-el
It's over. Long distance plus the "want to be friends line" equals she wants out and is trying to soften the blow.

I'm afraid I have to agree - this relationship is over. He's only hurting himself by keeping hope that it will "work out" - she's done with the relationship, and is trying to let him off easy. Unfortunately, most women don't understand that this line gives most guys mixed signals. Women should really be more straight-forward; when its over, its over.

[Kal-el]

Well said Clay. Guys can be a bit dense at times. Girls need to be very clear in these situations.

[Captain Caps]

*before* I can even begin a relationship with a girl. Says volumes about me, don't it?:(

Sincerely,

John "Captain Caps" Kilduff

[optimal321]

Originally posted by Captain Caps
*before* I can even begin a relationship with a girl. Says volumes about me, don't it?:(

Sincerely,

John "Captain Caps" Kilduff

Join the club.

[Trent Lane]

Okay, get this- he's going back to her, and thinks things are going to work out. Either that or she's going to use him for more concert tickets and mula. I give up....

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by flhero311
Okay, get this- he's going back to her, and thinks things are going to work out. Either that or she's going to use him for more concert tickets and mula. I give up.... Uhh, she did say she just wanted to be freinds right? That usally puts a ceiling on the relationship even if she does take it back.

[The Mad Hatter]

Oy. When you get to be my age (26) and single in a small town, it's impossible to find single people period, let alone single people who are interested in you.

Hopefully I can move to a larger city soon...

[Calhoun07]

Originally posted by The Mad Hatter
Oy. When you get to be my age (26) and single in a small town, it's impossible to find single people period, let alone single people who are interested in you.

Hopefully I can move to a larger city soon...

It doesn't work. Didn't for me, anyway! You just find the same percentage of unavailable women and the same percentage of those who wouldn't be interested in you.

[Psycho Fox]

Originally posted by calhoun07


It doesn't work. Didn't for me, anyway! You just find the same percentage of unavailable women and the same percentage of those who wouldn't be interested in you. Try furry or comic cons oh and cartoon fest. Odds are you can find someone just as weird as you there:cool: