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View Full Version : Disney Buys Out Comcast and Cox Communications,Creates the Mega Ultra Disney Channel!



tucsoncoyote
04-01-2004, 02:24 PM
(AP, Reuters- Burbank, CA) Today The Walt Disney Company (DIS : New York Stock Exchange) bought Out both Comcast Corporation (CMCSA: NASDAQ) and Cox Communications Inc. (COX : New York Stock Exchange. ) with an Unprecendented Bid of 100 Billion Dollars.

When Asked why The Walt Disney Company bought Both Broadcast Communication Giants, CEO Michael Eisner also known to the board as "Dr. I. M. Evil" , and Chairman of the Board, George Mitchell, also Known as "Number 2" Along with ABC Representative and COO of Disney, Robert Iger Also Known as "The Ugly Fat Scotsman" , Just Shrugged their Shoulders and admitted that they wanted to create a Media Company so Huge and uncaring, that would run Less then Qualtiy Shows, Like Timon and Pumba, Mighty Ducks, Pepper Ann, and Brand Spanking New Doug, and DIsney's Adventures of The Quiznos SpongeMonkies, Along withInvader Zim (http://forums.toonzone.net/showthread.php?t=107002)that they had recently Purchased.

Eisner Commented "What we are doing is a Bold Experiment in Cable Broadcasting." He Further Added, "We're Planning to Call it The Mega Ultra Disney Channel Network where we Run shows for only 65 Episodes before Canning them and moving them over to our more well Known and Heavily Censored and Heavily Edited Toon Disney Channel. The New Channel's Motto is..


The Mega Ultra Disney Channel Network.. Shows Only Made by Monkeys!

During the Q and A session of the Meeting, Mr. Eisner was Asked about the Recent Comment about Roy Disney and Stanley Gold, Coming back to Run the Company, Eisner Looked a Bit Irritated and shocked by that announcement.

"As for Roy Disney, He should have been put out of His Misery Like Old Yeller... By the Way, we're doing a Sequel for that.. Called Cujo 2: The Return of Old Yeller.." Eisner Added.

When further Questioned about Pixar Returning to the Walt Disney Company to Do Toy Story 3, and The Emperor's New Groove 2, Eisner just Smiled and stated. "Why Yes, Pixar has agreed to do Toy Story 3, and besides the afforemention The Emperor's New Groove 2, Pixar Has Planned to do the New CGI Movie.. Autopia. (Which Is based on the Famous Disney Ride).

George Mitchell was then asked.."What are Mr.Eisner's Plans for the Future? Mr. Mitchell smiled and replied, "Well We're Hoping to get Michael on the United States Presidential Ballot this November so that he Can Run our Government the Same Way He's Running Disney right now. "

Robert Iger of ABC was then Asked about the 2,000 New Episdes of "Super Duper Mega-Extreme Hyper Power Millionaire" (http://forums.toonzone.net/showthread.php?t=106917) Iger smiled and did Acknowledge that indeed Regis Philbin would be the Host of the Show, Further Adding that Eventually ABC would run this show 23 and 1/2 hours a day, leaving the midnight to 12:30 am block open to run advertisements of the Pocket Fisherman developed by Inventor Ron Popeil.

This Latest Acquisition along with the Moving of Both Disneyland to India, and Walt Disney World to China, Plus Selling the EuroDisney Theme Park to Afghanistan, as well as Tokyo Disney to Iraq, culminated in this buyout of two of the Top Selling Cable Networks..

When asked about the Rumors about ESPN, Eisner Smiled and replied that "Indeed they would be replacing a lot of the Sport shows with Celebrity Poker Smackdown and The Weekly National Monopoly World Series.

The Meeting on the Acquisition was met with a Slight resistance when a Rather Large Rodent with Big Ears, along with a Pig and a Frog Plus a Red Haired Teenage Girl dressed in a Cheerleader Outfit, Stepped in and Complained about Working Conditions at the Theme Parks and on the Former Disney Channel ..

The Group were removed by Security Guards and the Meeting concluded with Eisner, Mitchell, and Iger, Singing The Mickey Mouse Club theme song.

:coyote:

sag_2002
04-01-2004, 02:26 PM
Best. April Fool's news story. Ever.

You are the man, TC. :)

Classic Speedy
04-01-2004, 02:40 PM
In the words of Gomer Pyle, "serprise, serprise, serprise." :p

Tommy Lawson
04-01-2004, 02:57 PM
What, no news of them buying out Viacom and Time Warner for 100 quadrillion dollars? I thought Eisner had enough cash to buy them both out. 'I thought it was going to be the "The Mega Ultra Nicklelodeon, Time Warner, Disney Channel Cartoon and Live-Action Network" not just "The Mega Ultra Disney Channel Network"

Also, what happens to ABC Family? Does it now become the "Pat Robertson" 24-7-365 channel with only the 700 Club, the 700 Club, and the 700 Club for 24 hours, making it the 16,800 Club?

sag_2002
04-01-2004, 03:15 PM
What, no news of them buying out Viacom and Time Warner for 100 quadrillion dollars? I thought Eisner had enough cash to buy them both out. 'I thought it was going to be the "The Mega Ultra Nicklelodeon, Time Warner, Disney Channel Cartoon and Live-Action Network" not just "The Mega Ultra Disney Channel Network"

Also, what happens to ABC Family? Does it now become the "Pat Robertson" 24-7-365 channel with only the 700 Club, the 700 Club, and the 700 Club for 24 hours, making it the 16,800 Club?

:eek: Oh, GOD no!

Artimus Gigan
04-01-2004, 03:24 PM
It;s like the Megazord, only less zord and more mega!

tucsoncoyote
04-01-2004, 03:32 PM
:eek: Oh, GOD no!
Pat Robertson: Say Yes To GOD My Friends! Reach back and Grab the back of your TV and HUG IT!:D

:coyote:

Classic Speedy
04-01-2004, 03:55 PM
Also, what happens to ABC Family? Does it now become the "Pat Robertson" 24-7-365 channel with only the 700 Club, the 700 Club, and the 700 Club for 24 hours, making it the 16,800 Club? If Pat EVER gets rid of Whose Line? I will release the hounds!

Conekiller
04-01-2004, 04:32 PM
Yeah , cuz it's like April Fools which gives people the right to post stupidity and false stories that would normally be closed in an instant.


I hate this ridiculous excuse for a "holiday"

Tommy Lawson
04-01-2004, 04:42 PM
Yeah , cuz it's like April Fools which gives people the right to post stupidity and false stories that would normally be closed in an instant.


I hate this rediculous excuse for a "holiday"
It's spelled "ridiculous" and there's a place for people like you:

http://forums.toonzone.net/forumdisplay.php?f=57

tucsoncoyote
04-01-2004, 04:43 PM
Yeah , cuz it's like April Fools which gives people the right to post stupidity and false stories that would normally be closed in an instant.


I hate this rediculous excuse for a "holiday"
Shego: Gee and you think the world Has NO humor? Well thanks a Lot!.. that just proves it.. also it's Ridiculous to spell it rediculously Riduculous!

and they say I have no humor????? Waitress! Reality Check Please!

:coyote:

BigKPFan76
04-01-2004, 11:28 PM
Thats the best one yet tucson!!:D Hey Eisner might one day really do that! Buy out every TV network in the world.

kaine23
04-01-2004, 11:31 PM
Thats the best one yet tucson!!:D Hey Eisner might one day really do that! Buy out every TV network in the world.Don't give him any more bad ideas.:rolleyes:

tucsoncoyote
04-01-2004, 11:38 PM
This Just in:

Eisner Gets Steve Jobs of Pixar, and Jeffery Katezenberg of Dreamworks Fired and Replaces them with his Minions. Read about it here! (http://forums.toonzone.net/showpost.php?p=1208608&postcount=26)

:coyote:

tucsoncoyote
04-01-2004, 11:39 PM
It's spelled "ridiculous" and there's a place for people like you:

http://forums.toonzone.net/forumdisplay.php?f=57
Indeed Tommy.. Conekiller needs to be Spanked by Shego!

:coyote:

kaine23
04-01-2004, 11:39 PM
Didn't Bill Gates want to buy out Eisner too?

tucsoncoyote
04-01-2004, 11:55 PM
Didn't Bill Gates want to buy out Eisner too?
Indeed he did...

in fact there are numerous reports Initially that Gates Did want to buy out Eisner and the Walt Disney Company, but after the 3 March, 2004 vote in Philly, and the 43.4% vote against Eisner, Gates was worried that being around a guy like Eisner would prove once and for all How Flawed Windows XP really Was...!:D

:coyote:

kaine23
04-01-2004, 11:56 PM
Disney Windows XP