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Archer – White Elephant – Season 5, Episode 1

by on January 14, 2014

It all looks normal enough when Archer strolls in with a bouquet of roses...

It all looks normal enough when Archer strolls in with a bouquet of roses…

Synopsis: Due to Malory’s lack of organizational sense, she has failed to register ISIS as a pseudo-spy agency with teh government and the FBI raids the ISIS headquarters, arrests everybody, hauls them down to interrogation and takes away their license to act as a pseudo-spy agency – but they still have that ton of cocaine, right? Archer Vice…

Details: As Archer enters the ISIS headquarters bearing a bouquet of roses, he is accompanied by ballet dancing office workers and the sounds of nature music that we have become more accustomed to hearing when Elmer Fudd is in the forest hunting that wascally wabbit – so automatically, you know something is up. As it turns out, something is about to be blown up – Archer, ISIS headquarters and the whole premise of the show.

As Archer navigates his way through various colleagues and co-workers with his bouquet of roses, he finally makes his way to his mother and boss, Malory’s office, where he is about to present her with the bouquet when either the bouquet explodes or something else does – it’s not so clear because there are still shreds of roses lying around afterward when they would almost certainly be obliterated if the bomb were implanted in the bouquet itself – followed by a barrage of bullets coming from what Archer determines are black-clad Storm Ninjas but who really turn out to be the FBI raiding the ISIS headquarters in order to shut them down and take them into custody for operating as a governmental-type spy agency without being associated with the gub’ment or even being licensed by the gub’ment.

...but then the FBI is raiding the ISIS HQ.

…but then the FBI is raiding the ISIS HQ.

After Special Agent Holley notifies Archer that his “extremely under arrest” the ISIS crew are tossed into the van and brought down to FBI headquarters for interrogation where they are placed in separate rooms and everybody but Archer begins to spew out most of the iconic scenes from the previous four seasons of the series.

Meanwhile, Malory is arranging to contact an influential figure to get ISIS unofficial pseudo-spy agency status reinstated when Archer and Lana bust out of their interrogation cells and systematically free the others and take a few FBI guys hostage as they make their way to Malory’s room where they discover Malory ready to sign off on ISIS reinstatement with Special Agent Holley.

Eventually, the ISIS crew is released and sent back to their headquarters but without government approval to act as a pseudo-spy agency so what are they going to do now? Well, they still have that ton of cocaine…and what follows is a two-minute montage of either what they will be doing in the next three months’ worth of episodes or an elaborate dream sequence – we should know for sure next week…although nothing is ever certain in the world of Archer.

...and everybody is carted off to FBI interrogation cells...

…and everybody is carted off to FBI interrogation cells…

The Poop and Skinny: Top three things to remember from this episode…

Lana has a weird vagina.

A pair of 1967 Lincoln Continentals lead the truck carting the ISIS crew down to FBI headquarters for interrogation.

Brett Bunson dies in the FBI shootout and Bunson also happens to be the name of Beaker’s boss in “The Muppets” as Archer finally remembers at the end.

Additionally, Cheryl/Carol may or may not – depending on whether the ending montage was a dream sequence or not – become a country singer named Cherlene.

Archer asks Lana to marry him but Lana rejects his request.

There could be a tiger in an upcoming episode – again, depending on that dream sequence legitimacy or not thing…

The coveted TZ Best Line of the Episode Award goes to Cheryl/Carol, who, during FBI interrogation keeps saying as if she’s answering a game show question – “I wanna say Burt Reynolds?”

...where they eventually spill their guts about either what's coming up in Season Five or they're having a bad dream.

…where they eventually spill their guts about either what’s coming up in Season Five or they’re having a bad dream.

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